No Regrets
by DiDiGlee
Summary: Kurt stared at the words of the text message. It didn't even say it was about Blaine. It could be a trap. But it was a risk he had to take. - Blaine disappears and Kurt is left in despair, trying to find out what happened to him. WIP! Warning: You're in for a long and neverending story!
1. How will I know

**Author's Note:**

Hi everyone, my name is DiDi! This is my first fanfiction and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. :)

This story is set in season two and takes place after _Original Songs_, but it does not follow the series schedule. Klaine just got together and it is Christmas season.

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own Glee or any of the songs.

Also later in the story I will borrow the awesome OC Reed Van Kamp and OC Shane Anderson of CP Coulter's "Dalton", so watch out for them!

**Warning: **

If you can't stand Klaine to be apart, don't read further than chapter three. ;-)

* * *

><p><em>You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar<em>

_When I met you_

_I picked you out, I shook you up _

_and turned you into something new_

"I can_not_ believe they're playing this song right now! It's like it's following me everywhere I go!" Kurt rolled his eyes dramatically to underline his distress as he called Mercedes' attention to the cursed song. His best friend cocked her head as she listened, too.

_Don't, don't you want me?_

_You know I don't believe you_

_When you say that you don't need me_

"Oh, right, it's _that_ song!" Mercedes grinned, playing along but not at all impressed by Kurt's little act. He was good at drama, but he could do better than this. She knew. She'd seen him pretend to be heterosexual! And everybody who heard him sing _Pink Houses_ or has eye-witnessed him walk hand in hand with Brittany in the halls of McKinley High dressed in an outdoorsman's gear still suffered a great deal of irritiation today.

However it was impressive how he managed to steer the conversation back to his boyfriend. No matter about what they talked, he'd find a way to talk about Blaine again. Mercedes didn't mind, though. She was happy to be having lunch at _Breadstix_ with Kurt – alone, without Blaine! – so what the hell, let him talk about him as much as he wanted.

"Rachel _totally_ ruined the song for me, not that I liked it very much to begin with," Kurt continued his drama.

"Just Rachel? I think _Blaine_", Mercedes put special emphasis on the name since Kurt's eyes always sparkled whenever his boyfriend was mentioned, "had his share in ruining that song as much as Rachel had. If I remember correctly he'd been in an experimenting phase...?"

Kurt held up a hand. "_Don't_ remind me of Blaine's searching phase. _Especially_ as it included Rachel Berry." Now he sighed with a headshake. "Well, as much as I want to I can't blame her for falling for him. I fear I just have to live with the fact that he attracts admirers like streetlamps attract moths."

"But she knew you had feelings for him! She should've kept her hands off him!"

Kurt shrugged and picked with a fork at his salad. "She said she'd help him find out whether or not he was truly gay. I suppose if it hadn't been her, it might have been another girl sooner or later, thinking of how confused Blaine was at the time."

"Nothing against him, but, sweetie, _what the hell_ took him so long to see what a catch you were? Is he shortsighted or what?"

Again Kurt sighed dramatically and ran a hand slowly over his bangs to make sure his hair-do was still neat. "I guess he was just distracted by that blonde GAP guy. With all that flowing hair messing with Blaine's head there was no way he could take a proper look at me and with the fact at hand that I have as much sex appeal as a baby penguin..."

"What makes you say that?" Mercedes tried not to giggle as Kurt apparently was serious about his funny comment.

"It's just some kind of argument Blaine and I had a couple of weeks ago..."

"Blaine said you looked like a baby penguin?" Mercedes exclaimed, halfway rising from her seat as if ready to storm out, find Blaine and kill him.

"No, he didn't. He just said I looked weird when I tried to make some sexy faces once."

"WHAT!" Their cups of diet coke almost tipped over as Mercedes got to her feet and accidentally rocked the table.

"Sit down, Mercedes, _please_!" Kurt hushed her.

His best friend crossed her arms and sat down again, steaming. "No offense, Kurt, but Blaine's not the kind of man _this_ woman could fall for. I need a man who treats me like a lady and not make fun of me when I am being sexy for him. To be honest I sometimes wonder what made you fall for him, anyway. First, he's way too small for you. I remember you being totally bedazzled by Finn who is like a giant with broad shoulders and a very sexy butt. What? I have eyes! What do you want with a guy who's smaller than you?"

"Size doesn't matter, Mercedes." Kurt was rolling his eyes again. "And he's not _that much_ smaller than me. Just a few inches, not even worth mentioning."

"Second," Mercedes went on mercilessly, "he's way too cheesy for my liking. What's with all the gel he puts into his hair? Also, I think he's a bad case of show-off, the kind of guy that enjoys being in the spotlight, being praised and admired. Granted, the two of us love to shine on stage as well but apparently Blaine thinks he can twist anybody around his finger with all his charms. Does he flirt a lot with strangers?"

"No, of course not! He is just friendly to anybody. You could misinterpret it as flirting maybe..."

"_Maybe_ he just likes you because you adore him so much. If you started to criticize him, he might lose interest in you."

Kurt frowned, not sure what to make of Mercedes' comment. While pondering on her words he looked at her, the way she sat with crossed arms opposite of him, her black hair falling on her shoulders and her large gold hoop earrings matching perfectly the golden shooting star on the front of her black shirt. She looked just like the star she wanted to be.

She had been his best friend right from the start when they had joined glee club. She was the only one who knew all his dreams, his sorrows and fears, he'd shared all victorious and all embarrassing moments of his life with her so far. Not even that awkward period of time when she'd thought that they were dating and he had to put it straight that they weren't did any harm to their friendship. Hell, she'd been the first person on earth he'd finally told that he was gay.

Sharing his most vulnerable secret with her had kind of glued them closer together. She'd given him the strength and confidence to be true to himself and soon after he'd become the only openly gay teen at McKinley High. Not that being the _only_ openly gay teen at a public school had proved to be an easy ride. Sadly in the end it had been the reason he had to run and hide in a private boarding school. Still, he couldn't regret one single turn his life has taken for better or worse, because after all he'd met Blaine.

"I do look up to him, true, but I also speak my mind if I think he's being stupid about something. And I don't doubt his sincerity towards me, Mercedes, it's just that sometimes... Sometimes I'm just not sure why he would want me to be his boyfriend. By the way, your outfit is _amazing_, Mercedes. Good to see the days are over that I had to beg you to call me before you dress in the morning."

"Thanks, Kurt." Mercedes gave him a sunshine smile. "But don't start to sidetrack. Why wouldn't Blaine wanna be your boyfriend? You're gorgeous, Kurt! What is it you're not sure about? His intentions? Or his sexuality?" Mercedes giggled . "I bet he no longer struggles when questioned about his sexuality! As far as I can see he barely can take his eyes off you when you're together. What's he like when you're alone? Come on, I'm longing for details here!"

"I am _so_ not talking with you about _that_! Not _here_ anyway." Kurt looked around the place, making sure no one overheard them. "Besides, there's not much to tell anyway."

"What do you mean? You two make out, don't you?"

"Well, we kiss..."

"Kiss? That's it? No hot make out sessions? No naked skin and inappropriate touching? Kurt, you're blushing!" This time Mercedes was laughing out loud.

"Blaine's a gentleman. We don't want to rush things."

"Why not? What's the problem? You don't trust him?"

"That's not it. I _do_ trust him," Kurt stammered.

Mercedes raised an eyebrow at him. "If I were you I wouldn't trust him too much. I know this kind of guy, good looking, charming, I bet he gets a lot of offers. Are you sure he's being faithful to you?"

"Why do you keep asking me that? He's not flirting or fooling around with someone else!"

"Then why doesn't he want to make out with you?"

"Well, he does, but every time we are alone and kiss and it ... you know, it gets _hotter_, I kinda panic and leave."

"You leave?"

Kurt nodded, avoiding to meet Mercedes' inquiring stare.

"Honey, you wanna hear my opinion? I say as long as you're not sure whether your man truly loves you or not, you shouldn't let him have a taste of your deliciousness. Let him long for you! But... Kurt, what are you ashamed of? You have a perfect body." She ignored the way he scrunched up his nose at her words and went on. "You don't need to be shy."

With a sigh Kurt leaned forward and whispered with a meaningful look to his best friend. "The problem is that I don't know what to do. To be honest, making out scares me. My knowledge of sex is like _zero_. Except for The Talk I had with my dad – which I still believe has been totally set up by Blaine – well, and a few pamphlets I got a look at, I don't have a clue about what to do at all."

"How come you don't know what to do with Blaine's body at hand? Just work it the way you do your own," Mercedes prompted. "That's the advantage of being gay, I guess. You know how to pleasure your lover by hands-on experience on yourself. There is not much difference than when you _mastu_..."

"Will you _please_ not speak so loud?" Kurt urged her with flaming cheeks. "Besides, I don't do _that_. And I don't want some graphic details on the matter, thank you very much."

"Wait! You don't ...?" She eyes him up incredulously. "Baby, sometimes you baffle me! I know it's none of my business, but you should... you know... it's good to know your own body. It's good for your self-esteem. No wonder you're afraid of letting Blaine touch you when you don't even touch yourself..."

Mercedes stopped as she noticed the _stop-now-or-I-will-kill-you_ glare Kurt was giving her.

"At Dalton I live in a dorm, remember? I have a roommate there," Kurt explained. "And at home... well, I don't feel comfortable with my family around. It would be suspicious if I locked my door ... and besides I don't like doing it because it makes me feel funny afterwards and it's kinda disgusting ... and I can't believe I'm talking about _that_ with you right now!"

Mercedes bit her lips to keep herself from laughing. "OK, Kurt, I'm almost finished giving you unasked advice. Just one more thing: If you want to stay interesting for Blaine, you really shouldn't spent so much time with him." Mercedes gave him her most enthusiastic smile. "How about _we_ hang out instead? We'll have a fabulous time and make him long for you at the same time!"

"Aww, Mercedes, you know I'd love to spent more time with you." Kurt's face softened and he reached over the table to hold her hand. He knew it had been very hard for her to let him go, at least as hard as it had been for him to leave. "It's just the distance. It's a two hours drive."

"I know," Mercedes said with a pout. "I just wish you didn't have to leave McKinley in the first place."

"Me, too. I miss you guys. But who knows if things between Blaine and me would've developed the way they have if I hadn't transferred to Dalton?"

"Which brings us right back to your boyfriend problem."

"I don't have a boyfriend problem. I'm happy with Blaine. I just need to know ..." Kurt shrugged. "... if it will last. But how will I know if he _really_ loves me?"

"Let me tell you what," Mercedes answered mysteriously and then she began to sing,

"There's a boy I know, he's the one I dream of  
>Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above<br>Ooh I lose control, can't seem to get enough  
>When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love!"<p>

Of course Kurt knew the song by heart. It was one of Whitneys best. So at the chorus he joined in,

"How will I know if he really loves me  
>I say a prayer with every heart beat<p>

I fall in love whenever we meet  
>I'm asking you what you know about these things<p>

How will I know if he's thinking of me  
>I try to phone but I'm too shy <em>(can't speak)<em>  
>Falling in love is all bitter sweet!"<p>

Kurt put a hand on his heart and thought of Blaine's hazel eyes and enchanting smile when he sang the next line on his own,

"This love is strong, why do I feel weak?

Oh, wake me, I'm shaking, wish I had you near me now

There's no mistaking, what I feel is really love!"

As they left the restaurant together, Mercedes linked arms with Kurt and they kept on singing all the way to the parking lot, because it was what they were good at and what they loved to do since they first met.

"How will I know if he really loves me?  
>I say a prayer with every heart beat<p>

How will I know  
>If he loves me, if he loves me not!"<p>

* * *

><p>"Are you nervous?" Carole teased her husband, who wandered around the living room restless, looking out of the window every now and then.<p>

"They're late," Burt Hummel muttered.

Carole smiled at him and pecked his cheek. "I'm so excited, I can't tell you," she said enthusiastically. "Kurt's bringing his first boyfriend along! I mean, I've had a look at Blaine before but now it's different."

"Hmph," was all Burt managed. It wasn't that he disliked that Blaine-kid. It was just all happening so fast. It seemed like just a few days passed since Kurt was frustrated as hell of not having a boyfriend and suddenly there he was: the boyfriend.

Two cars drove up the driveway, parking next to each other.

"Ah, that must be them!" Carole squeaked.

Burt lifted his eyebrows as he looked at his wife. He could see it took all of her willpower not to jump up and down in anticipation. "You are nuts," he told her and laughed. "Have you been like this, too, when Finn brought his first girlfriend home?" He didn't get an answer because the door opened and from one second to the next all that mattered was the fact that his son was home.

"Hi everybody!" Kurt called out as he entered the house, his boyfriend close behind and both boys with huge traveling bags. Kurt always carried half of his wardrobe to Dalton, which Burt didn't quite understand, because the boys had to wear uniforms during school hours and on school ground. When did Kurt find time to wear all his clothes?

"Hey, there's my boy!" Burt didn't mind to appear over-fatherly, he just needed to hug his son as tight as possible without him complaining about his clothes getting crumpled. Kurt hadn't been home for the last two weekends and he missed the boy around more than he would admit.

"Honey, it's so good to have you home." Now it was Carole's turn to pull him into a firm embrace which Kurt returned affectionately. The boy loved his stepmother, even though he sometimes wished she was a bit more fashion-conscious. He tried his best whenever they went shopping together, but she would always fall back into old habits. The best example was that really awful denim vest he couldn't get her to get rid off.

"Hello Blaine." Burt came to stand in front of the dark haired short boy – had he always been this short? – and for a moment he contemplated about what would be an appropriate way to greet his son's first boyfriend.

"Hello Mr Hummel. Thank you for having me over and stay the night." Blaine smiled but appeared to be a bit scared of him. Good. Burt held out his hand and shook hands with Blaine. He didn't want to act too formal, but he didn't want to make it too easy for the boy either.

"Blaine, it's so nice to see you again!" Carole apparently had no reservations whatsoever. She hugged the boy and smiled at him endearingly. "I hope you both had a good drive. I hear it's snowing in Westerville?"

"Don't worry, Carole. The streets weren't icy," Kurt assured her and peeled off his scarf. "It's a pity we couldn't drive together, though. But we both needed to take our cars."

"You've been in my rearview mirror all the time, babe," Blaine said with a flirty smile.

"I noticed," Kurt replied and chose to deliberately ignore the embarrassing fact that Blaine had just called him _babe_.

"That's why I passed you the first chance I got. I was afraid you'd have an accident when you kept looking back at me," Kurt grumbled at him. "I thought it was safer if I drove in front. I'm not being distracted as easily as you are."

"That's just because I don't wear such eye-catching outfits," Blaine said with a nonchalant shrug. "I simply can't take my eyes off you when you're around."

Kurt smiled a bit. "Thank you, I think."

"Well, it's a good thing you're home now. It's said to be a snow storm tonight," Burt told them. Carole covered a laugh with a cough. She knew her husband well enough to see how flustered he became with all the flirty air around the two boys.

"I bet you love snow storms, huh?" Blaine teased Kurt. "You're the only one I know who prefers winter over summer."

"I like snow, it's pretty," Kurt simply answered while folding his scarf neatly.

"And you get to wear scarves." Blaine reminded him with a smirk. "I don't like your freaky obsession with scarves, by the way. Anything that hides too much of your beautiful skin is not okay with me."

Kurt's eyes widened at this comment as did his father's. He opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say to make his boyfriend shut up without being too obviously embarrassed in front of his parents. Thankfully Carole rescued him by saying, "How about you bring your bags upstairs and come back down to join us in the kitchen? I was thinking about baking cookies before I prepare dinner."

Kurt smiled at her warmly. Usually his parents would leave him and his friends alone, but he knew they wouldn't let him hide with Blaine in his room today. First, they had missed him over the past few weeks and wanted him around as much as possible. Second, they wanted to get to know Blaine better now that they were officially dating. "Sure, I can help you if you want, Carole. I have just recently found a new receipt for macadamia nuts cookies that I wanted to try."

"Sounds good to me," Carole smiled broadly. She was happy to have someone to share the kitchen with. Burt tried his best to be a help but he wasn't very enthusiastic about cooking and baking. Sometimes she wondered how he had managed to raise Kurt but then he had told her once that Kurt had practically taken over the household when his mom had died.

At the age of eight Kurt had started reading cooking books and learned how to use the washing machine and do the housework. Burt had disliked that his son spend his childhood cleaning the house and cooking for both of them, but Kurt had been eager to help around the house. And seeing how the boy didn't make friends easily and wouldn't leave the house to do sports or play outside with other kids, Burt needed something else to keep his son busy. He didn't want Kurt to think about his dead mother too much. So he let him do whatever housework he wanted to do, trying to make him feel needed. Kurt had made it his mission to look after his dad, which Burt had found quite amusing since it was his job to look after his kid and not the other way around.

Carole took his hand and beamed at him the minute the boys headed upstairs. "Isn't it just _awesome_ Kurt's in love?"

"Woman, you're crazy!" Burt pulled her into a hug and kissed her.

* * *

><p>"So, how do you like my Christmas decoration?" Carole asked the boys as they came downstairs again. She linked arms with Kurt and showed him around the living room, Blaine strolling close behind.<p>

Burt had to bite his lips to stop himself from commenting on Kurt's clothes. His son wore a tight green sweater long enough to resemble a dress and skinny white jeans. The boy loved to express his feminine side like this, but if asked his favourite answer would always be, _fashion has no gender. _

"Yes, it's quite appealing," Kurt nodded slowly, examining the place critically. "But how about using more _glamour_ and less _kitch_? If you want me to I'd be happy to help you with it tomorrow?"

Carole and Burt exchanged an amused look. They had known beforehand Kurt wouldn't approve of the decoration. He had always been a perfectionist who had his own visions, especially when it came to decoration issues.

"Isn't Finn home yet?" Kurt asked, following his parents into the kitchen.

"He's on a date with Rachel," Carole answered with such warmth in her voice it was clear she was happy for her son.

"Rachel Berry?" Blaine asked. "They're a couple?"

"I told you," Kurt reminded him.

"Yeah, right." Blaine smiled back and decided better not to mention that most of the time it was hard for him to concentrate on anything Kurt was saying because he would just pay attention to the way Kurt's lips moved and daydream about kissing him.

"Do you know Rachel?" Carole asked Blaine.

"I do. Actually, she's the first and only girl I have ever kissed."

"Is that true?" Carole exclaimed, clearly fascinated by this news. Her husband nodded slowly at this. He remembered how frustrated Kurt had been back then when Blaine was interested in Rachel.

"How about you, Kurt?" Blaine turned to his boyfriend curiously. "Have you ever kissed a girl? Uhm, sorry, that's a stupid question!" After all Kurt had never had any doubts about his own sexuality. Surely he never needed to have kissed a girl to get sure about himself. So Kurt's answer surprised him.

"Actually, I have," Kurt said with a shrug. "You remember Brittany, the tall blonde of the _Cheerios_?"

"Her? No way!"

"Yeah, her. My dad can bear witness. He kinda stumbled over us in my basement room."

"Yes, I can confirm it was that daffy cheerleader girl he made out with," Burt chuckled.

"What did kissing her feel like for you?" Apparently Blaine had no problem asking such personal questions in front of Kurt's parents.

"Uhm, it was kind of weird," Kurt answered honestly. "Her lips tasted like rootbeer and then she said something weird about her armpits and I was like _What the hell am I doing here?_"

"What _were_ you doing with her in the first place?" Blaine surely wasn't ashamed to dig deeper. "Were you attracted to her?"

"Gosh, no!" Kurt replied startled and put a hand on his heart.

"He just dated her to impress me," Burt explained and couldn't help but chuckle as Kurt glared at him. With a sigh Kurt admitted, "Sad but true. Well, Brittany heard me sing _Pink Houses_ by Mellencamp and jumped me afterwards. For her record, you know."

Blaine looked aghast. "You sang _Pink Houses_? In which universe did that happen?"

"He thought the song was about some kind of interior design," Burt explained and chuckled even more. "By the way, you should've seen the clothes he wore when I met him in school walking up and down the aisle hand in hand with that girl."

"You'll never see those clothes again!" Kurt said with a pout and crossed his arms.

Blaine looked at Kurt in surprise. "Wow! I just remember someone telling me how silly gays are who use the term bisexual for an excuse to walk hand in hand with girls and feel normal."

"Oh shut up!" Kurt growled at him and made the others laugh.

Kurt and Carole were baking christmas cookies together while Burt and Blaine kept them company. Kurt was kneading the dough and had both his hands deep into it. It was then it occurred to him that he was wearing his favourite mintgreen sweater.

"My sleeves!" Kurt exclaimed and Blaine was at his side immediately to pull his sleeves up. While doing so Blaine stood closer to him than necessary and slowly stroked Kurt's arms. Kurt shivered slightly and blushed. "Thanks." Kurt's voice toppled over and he had to clear his throat.

"You're welcome!" Blaine replied with the most innocent look on his face.

Carole watched them with a smile on her lips. "You should wear an apron, Kurt. You're gonna get flour all over your sweater, honey."

"Right, where is my head?"

Burt and Carole exchanged knowing looks. Apparently Kurt's head was somewhere near his heart right now and not able to function while Blaine was around. Carole fetched an apron from the closet and held it out for Blaine who brought it to his boyfriend.

"You're a little confused today. How come?" Blaine teased him with a smirk. "Let me help you put that on." Blaine stood behind Kurt and pulled the long loops of the apron twice around his boyfriend's waist, reaching around Kurt's front and working slowly, obviously enjoying the closeness while Kurt held up his smudgy hands and waited impatiently for Blaine to get done.

"I hope you're eating a lot of these cookies, Kurt. You're way too thin."

"I am not too thin," Kurt protested. "My body weight is just _slightly_ below normal. Besides, Coach Sylvester once said I had hips like a pear."

Blaine stepped back and examined Kurt's backside to pass an expert opinion. "I can't confirm that. I don't see anything resembling a pear."

"Will you please not stand behind me?" Kurt growled at him with flushed cheeks.

Carole chuckled. "Never talk about weight issues, Blaine."

"I don't have weight issues!" Kurt declared.

"See what I mean?" Carole stated and they laughed.

"Dad, do me a favor and take Blaine over to the living room? I'm sure you have some football game tape you two can watch or something?"

With an amused grin Burt directed Blaine to the open living room. "Come on, Blaine, I guess we should leave the battlefield before a flour war starts."

Blaine narrowed his eyes. "I don't think Kurt would risk ruining his clothes."

"I wouldn't bet on that today," Burt said with a smirk.

* * *

><p>Finn came in half an hour later, cheeks flushed by the cold outside, and obviously in a good mood. He immediately noticed two things: a football game was on TV – apparently a tape, though – and it smelled deliciously of cake or cookies.<p>

"Did you have a nice date with Rachel?" his mother asked and he stammered something unintelligible sounding like "Uhm, yeah, sure, went to some show and afterwards, uhm, you know."

He wasn't as eloquent as Kurt was but his mother understood him anyway. "That's nice, sweetie."

Kurt eyed his stepbrother with a smirk on his face. "Cookie?" He held the jar with the still warm cookies up.

"Yeah, thanks!" Finn took a bite and made a face to show his disgust. "Let me guess, _you_ made them, Kurt? _Fat-free _cookies, yummy!"

"Christmas time is no excuse to break diet rules in this house," Kurt teached him. "You know Dad isn't allowed to eat ..."

"Yeah, right, whatever!" Finn punched Kurt's shoulder gently and showed his lopsided smile that used to have Kurt melting away back in the days, but not anymore. Now Blaine was the only one who made his knees go weak.

Finn and Carole joined Burt and Blaine in the living room as Kurt insisted on cleaning up the kitchen, watching the lasagna and setting the table on his own. Soon however, he was joined by his boyfriend who slowly stepped around him, his fingers brushing Kurt's back. "Are you sure you don't need any help?" The way Blaine purred Kurt wasn't sure what kind of help Blaine had to offer.

Kurt shot a look in the direction of the occupied couch, his parents and Finn sat with their backs to the open kitchen. With a sigh Kurt turned to Blaine. "You need to stop flirting with me in front of my parents," he said with a low voice.

"Why? Didn't you say your dad may not have a problem with you _being_ gay but with you _acting_ on it?" Blaine said with a smug grin. "I'm just helping you getting him used to the fact that you are a sexy thing!"

"Don't try to be smart," Kurt told him and held a hand up to stop him from getting closer. Blaine took the opportunity to grab the hand and kiss Kurt's fingers.

"Gosh, will you stop it?" Kurt withdrew his hand from Blaine's grasp. "All my dad will see is teenage boys with hormones, so please stop it or he'll never allow me to have you over again!"

Blaine pulled a face. This definitely was no option he liked.

"I like your family," Blaine suddenly said and laid both his hands on Kurt's hips to hold him close. "As soon as one sets a foot into this house there is such a warmth spreading from all sides, it's incredible! I don't have that when I get home. My family sucks."

Hearing this Kurt felt his heart sink. Blaine never told much about his family, but every now and then he would make such a statement, indicating that he had a hard time. Kurt returned the embrace to give him comfort and smiled at Blaine lovingly who now leaned forward and pursed his lips and ...

"Is the lasagna good?" Carole came in. Startled Kurt gave Blaine a shove and his boyfriend stumbled backwards, nearly hitting the table.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you..."

"No, no, you're not interrupting anything! We were just ... we weren't ... doing anything really," Kurt stammered and Carole narrowed her eyes at the sudden resemblance to Finn.

"Why did you make two lasagnas, Mrs Hummel?" Blaine asked to divert her. He'd recovered fast from being shoved away in such a heartless way. The way Kurt's face turned crimson repaid any harm done.

"Please, it's Carole," she said, laying a hand on Blaine's arm and smiling at him.

"Thank you, Carole," Blaine smiled back at her. "Well, your lasagna smells incredible!"

"One lasagna is fat-free and cheese-free for my dad and me," Kurt explained the different meals. "The other one is for Finn mainly and for you, if you want. However, I don't understand how Carole eats it at free will."

"I heard you, sweetheart," Carole said with a smile in her voice and turned to him, her hands on her hips. "You know what, Kurt, you should taste it! Because it's delicious! I know it's doing no good for my figure, but who cares? I have a man that loves me the way I am and I want to enjoy life. So I eat with no regrets!"

"And so will I," Blaine said with a smile for her. "Because if it truly tastes as good as it smells, it's worth the extra hours in the gym."

* * *

><p>"I've got ice cream for dessert," Carole announced and rose from the table. "Let me help you." Blaine rose as well and followed her into the kitchen where they prepared five bowls with ice cream.<p>

Meanwhile, Finn cleared his throat and looked at his stepbrother. "So, where will Blaine be sleeping?" he asked, trying to sound casually but failing miserably.

"On the couch, of course. Where else?" Kurt answered briskly, sounding a bit unsettled himself.

"Oh, OK!" Finn seemed relieved. As did Burt who nodded his approval.

Kurt leaned forward and whispered for Finns ears only but Burt overheard as well. "If it's any comfort to you, I've seen more naked skin of _you_ by now than of him."

Finn blushed, not sure whether or not this was any comfort. Burt was just smirking at this.

"Well, thank you again for having me over for the night. I hope I am no trouble, Carole," Blaine said as he helped carrying a tablet with dessert bowls.

"No, not at all, my dear," Carole replied with a warm smile. "And besides, Kurt's bed is big enough for two."

Finn and Burt both looked up sharply, but it was Kurt who held his hand up in protest and stammered, "Uh… I thought it would be more … appropriate if Blaine just sleeps on the couch, I mean… I don't want you guys to think … uhm… you know, Finn's not allowed to have a girl sleep over and …"

"Don't be ridiculous, honey," Carole laughed, ignoring the glares of both her husband and son. "We don't mind if you two share a bed..."

"We don't?" Finn asked.

"As long as you behave," Burt added with a growl.

"We trust you," Carole stated with an encouraging smile.

"And we'll be sleeping next door," Burt reminded them.

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

Human League – Don't you want me

Whitney Houston – How will I know

**Next chapter:**

Kurt and Blaine share a bed and have a serious talk about their relationship. Could they be breaking up?

**Please R&R!**** :)**


	2. Kiss

**Author'****s Note:** I do not own Glee or any of the songs or any of the characters, but I love them all to bits and pieces. I hope you like the way I write about Klaines relationship. :)

**Many thanks to all of you who put this story on favourites and alert! I jump in joy each time I receive such a message!**

**But I need feedback! So, please, please review! :)**

xxx xxx

"Ah, alone at last." Blaine closed the door to Kurts bedroom and stretched casually.

Kurt found himself restless and wandered around his room, pretending to clean up a non-existent mess and not sure where to look, as clearly he couldn't look at Blaine without blushing. It was weird to have him stay for the night. Yes, Blaine had been in his bedroom before, but having him here now that they were _boyfriends_ felt like exposing something, meaning something more than bookshelves.

"Wow, I just realize, it's the first time we spend a night together, I mean, the first time since we're together", Blaine said with that enchanting smile of his. Kurt smiled tightly back. He needed no reminder of that.

"And even better, I'm sober." Blaine looked like he expected applause.

Kurt rolled his eyes, but turned away so Blaine couldn't see it. "Yeah, hey, why don't you use the shower first?", Kurt offered while closing the curtains. "If we hurry, we catch _Housewives_ at eight."

Suddenly he felt Blaine close behind him, breathing down his neck. "Mmh, yeah, I definitely like those hips of yours ..."

"The bathroom is right over there", Kurt turned around and pointed strictly to the door, trying not to feel awkward by Blaines closeness. "But … you know that …"

"Why are you so nervous?" Blaine asked, still smiling endearingly and raising a hand to cup Kurts cheek. He leaned forward, making his intentions quite obvious. Kurt put a hand on Blaines chest to keep him at bay. "Wait! We shouldn't … you know … start something ... my parents …"

Blaine let go of him, smirking and backing off a bit. "Relax, Kurt. I'm not here to have sex with you tonight." He tried not to grin at the fact that Kurt blushed a deep crimson just at hearing the word sex.

"I just want to be close to you. We won't see each other for over a week! And just the thought of it is killing me!" Blaine put a hand on his heart and looked at Kurt with pleading green eyes.

"I'm just a little nervous being in a room alone with you", Kurt admitted shyly. "It's not that I wouldn't want you to be here …"

"You know what?", Blaine smiled at him lovingly. "You're so _adorable_ when you're flustered like this!"

"Oh, don't make fun of me!" Kurt grumbled and pointed to the bathroom door again.

"I'm not joking! You _are_ adorable!" Blaine assured him, but retreated with a smile.

Blaine closed the door behind him and looked around the room with a smile while he undressed himself. Kurts bathroom was so lovely. Everything in this cream white room was neat and clean and put in order. White fluffy towels where draped accurately on a shelf next to the shower cubicle and a white puffy cushion with golden threads was put in a decorative way on the laundry basket. There were uncountable flasks and tubes and cream pots in front of Kurts lit make-up mirror, which reminded Blaine of an actor's dressing-table, it even had bright lights built in. Everything was designed to spend time in here. Blaine didn't have a chair in his bathroom at home, but Kurt would sit down and take his time for his moisturizer routine and whatever else he did to have such a lovely soft skin.

Blaine put his red cardigan over the back of the chair and unbuttoned his shirt. He noticed the stool on which Pavarottis cage had been standing and he remembered with a sad smile how they had buried the little bird together. He had never done something like that in his whole life before – attending a funeral for a pet – but for Kurt it had been the most normal thing in the world to bury a beloved friend. Blaine admired the way Kurt would dedicate himself to something that was important to him, like decorating Pavarottis tiny casket. Blaine had never known someone before who was crazy enough to do such a thing. But no, when Blaine thought about it, it definitely was not craziness on Kurts part, because in the end everything Kurt did was for love. And someone who spent his spare time to decorate a tiny casket with gems for a dead bird would do anything for love.

After all Kurt was the most compassionate, diligent and modest person he'd ever met. At the same time however Kurt was the most extravagant, self-centered and fierce person when it came to his talents and passions: fashion and singing. Kurt had no doubts about his exceptional singing voice and he would fight to the death to get to sing a solo in front of a judging audience. He would never let anybody tell him what he could or couldn't do. He would dress in the most flamboyant ways, he would wear hats with bird feathers, he would walk down the street in the middle of summer in skinny jeans and a fake fur coat, not caring about being uncomfortable as long as being outstanding fabulous.

And Blaine would proudly tell anybody who wanted to listen, that he had never met someone like Kurt before. Kurt was such an incredible person.

He would never do something he didn't believe in.

He would always push boundaries or overstep borders to do something he did believe in.

And he would never accept no for an answer.

That's why Blaine loved him so much. Yeah, compared to himself Kurt definitely was the strong one. And more than once Blaine would simply be astonished by his boyfriend and think to himself how much he wished he was as strongheaded, fearless and straightforward as Kurt was.

Blaine stepped into the shower cubicle and closed the glass door behind him. Even Kurts shower was perfectly clean, not one stray hair was to be seen. Blaine turned the water on and sniffed at Kurts shower gel and hair care products.

How was it possible that one person could be so confident and sure about oneself when it came to a talent, but be insecure and shy when it came to love?

When they were alone, Kurt would instantly turn into this shy, insecure boy who was flustered by simply a kiss. Yes, it was adorable and at first Blaine had thought Kurt was acting the shy one to make him want him even more, which had worked quite well. But then Blaine had noticed the way Kurt wiggled himself out of his arms, when they were kissing and Blaine would eventually try to reach underneath his clothes. He knew Kurt didn't do it to keep him hanging on, he just was afraid to take the next step. But luckily there was no denying that Kurt enjoyed being kissed and caressed and touched as long as they were both fully dressed and Blaine didn't try for the lower sections.

Blaine let the hot water stream over his body, taking Kurts shampoo to wash the gel out of his usually curly hair and allowing himself to dream about standing right here in this shower with his boyfriend. Oh, how sensual it would be to massage Kurts back with shower gel and kiss his shoulders and neck while sharing a shower of hot steaming water? One day they would and he couldn't wait for it to happen. It might not be tomorrow or next month, but one day Kurt would be ready to be loved by him with body, heart and soul.

Oh hell, until then it wasn't easy to hold back and keep this fire burning low. But as long as they shared at least a bit of intimacy Blaine was okay with waiting. That's what he kept telling himself, but then Kurt would unconsciously flutter his eyelashes or smile or tilt his head in a way that was so sexy that Blaine instantly wanted him so badly.

His desire for Kurt had even gotten worse when Mercedes had shown him that _Single_ _Ladies_ video of Kurt dancing like Beyoncé. Now he just couldn't get the image of those swiveling hips out of his head. Gosh, Kurt was so sexy without knowing it! Sometimes the longing was sheer overwhelming and he was close to ask Kurt to dance the _Single_ _Ladies_ dance for him, but Mercedes had threatened to break his leg and cut other valuable pieces of his body if he ever told Kurt she'd shown him that video. He had begged her to give him a copy and since then it was the first thing appearing on his laptop display and he could easily spend hours pushing the repeat button.

Now Blaine had to turn the water ice cold to fight the damned lower part of his body which always reacted in a certain way when he thought of Kurt dancing in this black tight unitard and slapping his oh so gorgeous butt.

He knew it would still be a long way to get Kurt to move on to the next step, but Blaine didn't mind. He loved trying to seduce Kurt and he adored the way Kurt would shy away, it was cute and he was so easily teased with it.

He turned the water hot again and started singing – he just couldn't help but sing when he was in a shower – but it didn't help to distract him from thinking of Kurts loveliness. His boyfriend was just his most favourite thing to think of. Still there were so many secrets he had to discover. Most of the time Kurt was a mystery to him.

With a smile Blaine remembered a few weeks back when he'd been sitting on Kurts bed and they had practiced sexy faces in front of the mirror. God, Kurt had been so cute. But Blaine had been astonished to hear that Kurt had no idea of sex at all and wasn't even interested in learning something about it, not even in the internet. The way Kurt had admitted to be quite content with romance and not wanting to, yeah, let's say it, _get_ _physical_ or even think about it, had left Blaine worrying over him. Sure, the world of musicals and drama was candy for the heart, but Kurt loved, adored and lived romance so much, the real world just didn't fit into his vision.

Blaine understood the way it was scary for Kurt to get intimate with someone, especially since that incident with Karofsky, which could have ended much worse. Just thinking about a guy like Karofsky taking advantage of Kurt, Blaine's heart started racing and he clenched his fists and wanted to punch something. Blaine closed his eyes, took a deep breath and fought the feeling of rage and despair that filled him whenever he thought of Karofsky.

Blaine knew he would simply die if anything happened to Kurt.

xxx xxx

As soon as Blaine got out of the bathroom – hair still wet and tousling at his neck and wearing nothing but black shorts and a blue T-shirt – Kurt rushed in, clutching a bundle of what Blaine could recognise as blue pajamas and what looked like a large new box of moisturizer to his chest. "Won't be long", he promised and shut the door behind him.

Smiling to himself, Blaine sat down at the end of the bed and turned on the TV. He was watching a show on MTV as it knocked at the door. Expecting any occupant of this house to just step in after a knock, Blaine didn't answer at first. As it knocked again, he said loudly "Come in!" He had to hide a grin as he saw an awkward looking Burt Hummel standing in the door. "Hello Mr Hummel. Kurt's just in the shower."

Burt came in and closed the door. "Good, well, I mean, it's good we can talk for a moment alone here, Blaine."

Blaine straightened himself up, feeling a bit unsettled in his undies, because Kurts father looked at him gravely and didn't seem to approve of his nightwear. "Listen, Blaine, I'm just here making sure that you're being _patience_, you know, letting things go _slow_..." Burt made a move with his hand, indicating the slow motion he expected of Blaine.

"Don't worry, Mr Hummel. I'll always be a perfect gentleman towards Kurt."

"Good." Burt nodded. "You better be, 'cause if you're not, you and I have a problem. A big one! We understand each other?"

"I totally understand, sir. And I assure you, I wouldn't harm Kurt, ever!"

The bathroom door opened and a cloud of sweet smelling mist escaped as Kurt came out. He wore longsleeved nightblue silk pajamas and a big white towel around his neck. His face was flushed with heat and his wet hair was neatly combed back. "Is it on already? Oh, hi dad, we're about to watch _Housewives_."

Burt clapped his hands. "Great, do that. I'll leave you to it. Just one more thing. Carole and I wondered if you two already have plans for tomorrow. There is some event in town and we could go see it together if you wanted."

"Thanks Mr Hummel, but I have to leave early", Blaine explained. "I have to be home by midday. My family plans to spend Christmas on Hawaii, so we have to catch our flight at two, I think. Gives me not much time to pack my stuff."

"Well then, enjoy Hawaii. Must be exciting."

"No, not really." Blaine made a face. "It's not the place, it's the company that counts. And with my dad around, it'll be a lousy Christmas holiday."

"Are you saying your dad still isn't okay with you being gay?" Burt asked. Blaine nodded. "_Not_ _okay_ is a huge understatement. He'd give his soul to have me turned straight."

"Maybe I should talk to him, you know, from father to father", Burt offered. "What do you think?"

"Thank you Mr Hummel, but I don't think that's a good idea. My dad is very stubborn. He doesn't even listen to his counselors who he pays for advising him. And no offense, but my dad is quite a rich ass and he wouldn't talk to you unless his car broke down in the middle of a desert and you were the only one who came by, and then he'd pay you to get his car fixed and not for advice on handling his son."

"What if you introduced me to your dad?" Kurt now suggested and sat down next to Blaine. "Sometimes the imagination is worse than the reality. Maybe if he got to know me ..."

"No way!" Blaine burst out. "I don't want you anywhere near my dad! And I won't tell him about you, either!"

"Why not?" Burt asked as he saw his son flinch under Blaines sharp words.

"If my dad finds out Kurt's my boyfriend, he'd abuse him and worse. I won't let that happen! You have no idea what my dad can be like." He laid his hand on Kurts hand on the mattress. "Believe me, it's better if my dad doesn't find out about us anytime soon and if he ever does, I wouldn't want you to be within his reach."

"Don't you think you're overreacting here?" Burt asked with a frown.

"Well, I sure do hope so, but I'm not eager to find out", Blaine replied with a faint smile.

As soon as Kurt's dad had left the room, Blaine settled himself in the middle of the bed leaning back against the headboard and a wall of cushions. "Come to me." He patted the mattress and smiled at his boyfriend. Kurt sat down next to him with a shy smile and a little stiff as Blaine noticed.

Kurt kept his eyes firmly on the TV, although he was aware of Blaines eyes on him. "Stop looking at me like that", he complained after a while with a pout.

"Like what?" Blaine teased him.

"Like you're … I don't know … wanting to eat me or something."

"Don't worry, I promised your dad to be a perfect gentleman tonight." While he said that, Blaine trailed his fingers along Kurt's sleeve. "But I didn't say I'd keep my hands off you..."

Kurt turned to him with an unsettled expression. "As long as you keep them where I can see them..."

"Come on, Kurt, don't be so shy around me. It makes me feel like an intruder", Blaine said with a laugh and reached for his boyfriend's pajamas top to open the first button. "How can you even breathe being buttoned up like this?"

"Sorry", Kurt mumbled. With an apologetic smile he took Blaines hand and squeezed it.

Blaine cupped Kurts cheek with his free hand and made him look into his eyes. The thing was, he loved him so much, it really hurt that he couldn't show his love by touching him. Just looking at him filled him with so much happiness and affection, he needed to express his feelings or else he'd burst. He would never force himself on Kurt or press him into doing things he wasn't ready for. So, if he couldn't show his love with his body, at least he still could use his words to romance him. And while staring at Kurts perfect features, his wonderful blue eyes and those tasty lips that he loved to kiss so damn much, Blaine said the first sweet words that came into his mind.

"You are _amazingly_ beautiful, Kurt Hummel."

Kurt opened his mouth and closed it again, then shook his head and backed off. "Don't do this."

Blaine frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Don't tell me lies."

"Why would I lie to you?"

"Blaine. I _know_ I am nowhere near being _beautiful_."

"Well, seems to me you know little about yourself."

Kurt sighed and tilted his head towards Blaine. "You don't need to tell me I'm beautiful or whatever. It won't work."

"Hey, I was just saying how I feel about you. I'm not trying to make something _work_."

"Well, obviously you want ... more …" Kurt mumbled reproachful.

"You really think that I say things like this to talk you into having sex with me? Now I'm _hurt_, _Kurt_!" Blaine crossed his arms over his chest, playing the offended one. He knew Kurt just talked like this, because he was scared and he couldn't blame him for that.

"Don't do rhymes with my name! I hate that!" Kurt gave him an evil stare. "And what else am I supposed to think when you sing meaningful songs around me all the time?"

"What am I singing around you?" Blaine asked stunned.

"How about: _Oh, oh, I want some more, oh, oh, what are you waiting for? Take a bite of my heart tonight_", Kurt sang and it was so cute Blaine wanted to jump him and kiss him down. Instead he just smiled broadly. "Oh that one. That is just catchy, I like to sing that, but I don't mean anything by it."

"You just sang it under the shower!", Kurt declared with a challenging frown.

"Did I? I wasn't aware of that. I always sing what pops up into my head when I'm in the shower."

"Well, the next time this particular song pops up in your head, don't let it come out of your mouth, please? Just to inform you, it is number two on my list of _ruined songs forever_."

"You have a list of _ruined_ songs? Really?" Blaine was amazed by this news and couldn't help but admire Kurt for such craziness. "And why is this song number two?"

Kurt crossed his arms in front of his chest and explained with a pout, "_Because_ whenever I hear it, it reminds me of how you told me I looked _weird_ when I tried to look sexy through our performance in front of the girls of our sister school."

"Oh right, it's that song", Blaine scratched his chin. "Okay, I won't sing it anymore when I'm around you."

"Thank you."

"What's number one on your list?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Huh? I don't know that one."

"It's not a song. It's me telling you that I'm not telling you!" Kurt explained annoyed, but then he noticed Blaines shameless giggling. "You're making fun of me!", Kurt exclaimed but had to laugh himself.

"Listen", Blaine took Kurts hand again and waited until Kurt looked at him. "I love you, Kurt. I think you're amazing and that is the truth. And yes, I'd be a liar if I denied I want to touch you and be closer to you. But I'm not the kind of guy to rush things and have it my way. I wouldn't ask more of you than you're ready to give."

"I know you're not that kind of guy, Blaine. But I _also_ know you've set my dad up to have _the_ _talk_ with me. I'm just not sure about your intentions, so …" Kurt shrugged.

"I didn't talk to your dad, because I wanted sex with you and hoped you'd be less awkward on the topic", Blaine explained with a frown. "Actually, back then I didn't even think of you _that way_. I was just worried about you."

Kurt looked at him with a skeptical expression on his face. "So you're saying back then – just a few weeks ago! – I was just a little helpless puppy you wanted to rescue … and now all of a sudden I am beautiful and desirable to you?"

This time it was Blaine who opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He shook his head, obviously speechless by whatever Kurt was indicating.

"Blaine", Kurt continued in a softer voice. "All I'm saying is, I'm not sure what you're expecting of me."

"I'm a virgin, too, remember? You are my first boyfriend. I don't know what to expect at all!" Blaine looked at him with beseeching eyes. "And I totally understand you're afraid of sex. Just, please, don't be afraid of _me_!"

"I'm not afraid of you", Kurt whispered.

"Okay. Then come here." Blaine held his arms open wide and Kurt cuddled into them, letting Blaine hold him tight. "Let's just enjoy the time we have together", Blaine kissed the soft skin under Kurts right ear, "and watch what's going on in those crazy women lives." Kurt clung to the arms that were holding him tight and felt happy and stupid for being afraid of being alone with Blaine.

In an commercial break they switched channels to MTV where classic love songs where played. As they watched, _Kiss_ came on. Kurt noticed Blaine sing along under his breath and as he watched those lips move to the song he felt himself shiver inside.

"You don't have to be beautiful to turn me on  
>I just need your body baby<br>From dusk till dawn

You don't need experience to turn me out  
>You just leave it all up to me<br>I'm gonna show you what it's all about

You don't have to be rich to be my girl  
>You don't have to be cool to rule my world<br>Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with  
>I just want your extra time and your kiss!"<p>

Kurt now turned to Blaine, biting his lips and saying with a flutter of his eyelashes: "Actually, some kissing would be nice…" Blaine looked at him in surprise and grinned. "I don't say no to that."

Kurt turned a bit more and closed his eyes. Blaine leaned forward to meet Kurts lips, closing his eyes as well and resting his hand in the back of Kurts head. At first their kiss was soft, sweet and slow. Then it intensified and Blaine was blown away by the unexpected tongue action of his boyfriend.

Kurt moved closer and closer and without breaking lip contact he crawled upon his boyfriend, who was still leaning against a wall of pillows. Before Blaine knew what was going on, Kurt spread his legs and sat down on Blaine's lap. "Oh my!" Blaine exclaimed, surprised by the sudden closeness, and locked eyes with Kurt. He saw the question in Kurt's blue eyes and before Kurt could retreat, he grasped his hips with both hands and held him in place. "Kiss me again!"

And they kissed, even more passionate than before. Blaines whole body was fully aware of the wonderful weight of Kurts body right on his best parts and screamed for more. Yeah, this was pretty close, but not close enough! And all these annoying clothes! His hands found their way underneath Kurts top and stroked the smooth skin greedily. As their lips separated a second for breathtaking, a most delicious little moan escaped Kurts throat and instantly Blaine was on fire.

"Okay, stop! We should stop right now!" Blaine pleaded. "Or else I cannot guarantee for both our virginities."

Kurt nodded in agreement, although he seemed reluctant. He got off Blaine and they lay down on their backs next to each other, holding hands and panting, not sure how to respond to what just had happened.

"Think of something disgusting", Kurt suggested. Blaine could hear that Kurt had problems catching his breath, too.

"Like what?" Blaine asked in despair, because all he could think of right now was Kurts slender and hot body on top of his own and it made his heart feel like it would explode any second.

"Whatever works for you."

"What do you think of?"

Kurt hesitated before admitting: "Rachel Berry singing _Defying Gravity_ which should have been my solo. That still pisses me off today."

"But you screwed the audition on purpose. You did it for your father." Blaine reminded him of his good deed. Then he swallowed as the image of a furious Burt Hummel got into his mind, storming into the bedroom and seeing Kurt on top of him, all sexy and clearly into it. This image was really terrifying and it helped. His arousal was gone within the minute.

"No, wait", Kurt let go of his hand and sat up. Blaine was sorry for the lost contact, but watched his boyfriend expectantly.

"What _really_ turns me off is thinking about Rachel and you singing _Don't you want me baby_ at that silly party. That was just ... _urgh_! And it is number three on my list of ruined songs by the way."

"I was drunk", Blaine said to his defence. "But yeah, it was fun to perform that song with her. And I still want to know what number one is on that list of yours."

"I know you were drunk, I was the one who stopped you from driving home, remember? Actually, that was the first time we've slept in this bed together and I can tell you that was one lousy night."

"Did I snore?" Blaine asked with an apologetic face.

"No, but lying this close to you and thinking about how far out of reach you were ... well, I couldn't sleep that night. This accursed song and that kiss with Rachel kept turning in my head on and on and on..."

"Come on, it didn't mean anything. Rachel and I both were drunk and it was spin the bottle. You could have ended kissing her!"

"Maybe. But I wouldn't have _snogged_ her like she was the queen of sex island. You kissed her and you _liked_ it. You liked it so much you took her out on a date the next day and even considered being _bisexual_!"

Blaine grinned at him. "Woah Kurt, I didn't know it upset you that much."

"Oh, there's a lot you don't know!" Kurt exclaimed without thinking. When he saw the bemused look on Blaines face he realised he'd said too much.

"What do you mean?" Blaine raised himself up on an elbow, now giving Kurt a serious and concerned look.

Kurt hugged his knees and sighed, not sure whether he should let Blaine have a deeper look into this hurt little heart of his. Maybe it wouldn't bother him so much if he hadn't just talked about his doubts with Mercedes a few days ago. And yeah, he knew Christmas was not the right time to tell your boyfriend you thought he didn't really love you.

"Come on, whatever it is, please tell me. If I've done something wrong, I want to know."

"You haven't done anything wrong. It's just that I sometimes wonder, _why_ _now_?" Kurt explained with a shrug. He bit his lips and gave Blaine a painful look. "I never told you, but I have fallen for you the first day we've met and you've sung _Teenage_ _Dream_ to me. Well, I know you didn't sing it to _me_. But I like to think of it that way. And, well, I had my hopes up, but ever since that day you've turned me down so many countless times. To mention just some of those hilarious events: singing a serenade for the GAP guy, kissing Rachel Berry, telling me you just wanted to be friends with me on Valentine's Day, telling me I looked rather weird when I tried to look sexy."

Kurt shook his head and with a sigh he continued. "To be honest, I had already accepted the fact that you'd never feel the same for me and that we were going to be just friends forever. I was getting over my crush on you, willing myself to finally let go, because it hurts too much when the one you're in love with so obviously doesn't love you back. And then, all of a sudden you came to me and told me you're in love with me. When you kissed me for the first time, I was so happy, I still am. But lately I keep wondering what took you so long? What am I really to you? You're here now, telling me I am beautiful and sexy and that you love me. I don't want to doubt your sincerity, but … well, sometimes I do. You make me feel like I was some kind of leftover that you picked up after all the good bits were gone."

"That is …" Blaine started to protest, but Kurt held a hand up. "No, let me finish, okay?" He saw the frown on Blaines face, but kept on. "I wouldn't blame you if it was like that. I didn't expect you to truly fall for me anyway. I know I am not perfect and I am not a handsome guy, even less so a beauty. I just wonder what will happen let's say in two months? What if another GAP guy comes along, shaking his blonde mane and giving you a sexy smile? Someone who is not such a complicated mess like I am, someone who is not prude and clueless when it comes to being sexy. I suppose you'd be gone in a second. So I wonder if I am some sort of test-drive to you. Someone you could practice on until the right one comes along..."

For a moment Kurt lost himself in thought and Blaine watched him attentively. "Are you finished?", he asked gently and waited until Kurt turned to him. Kurt nodded and hugged his knees tightly.

"Okay." Blaine sat up cross-legged and straightened himself, meeting Kurts sad blue eyes with a serious look of his hazel-green ones. "I am not sure how to respond to this. Apparently you've made up your mind about me and my intentions and all evidence speaks against me."

Blaine inhaled and breathed out slowly. "To be honest, I am quite shocked. I had no clue you had these feelings. Kurt, I cannot believe you really think that low of me. I'm sorry that I made you feel like second best, but it simply isn't true. Alright, it has taken me a while to fall in love with you. I don't believe in love at first sight. I know how much you worship romance, but real life doesn't always involve a prince on a white horse. How can I compete with all those fictional heros of yours?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to protest, but Blaine stopped him. "No, let me finish. You had your say, now it's my turn." Kurt took a deep breath, but kept his mouth shut.

Blaine took a moment to collect his thoughts and then with a lovely smile on his lips he spoke. "When we first met it was quite obvious you were on my team. You don't hide, whether in looks or in manners, and I _love_ that. You are so sure about who you are, that is amazing! I liked you at once. Then you told me about how you were bullied at school and I wanted to be your friend, I wanted to support you. It wouldn't have occurred to me to look upon you as a possible love interest, because back then you were so vulnerable, I wouldn't have taken advantage of that. But I loved hanging out with you. I enjoyed myself so much in your company. After a while we were so cozy around each other, I guess you have simply grown on me and I never would've done anything to risk what we had. Our friendship just meant too much for me. The day you told me you thought I'd ask _you_ out on Valentine's Day and thereby indicated you had feelings for me, I suddenly realised I _could_ consider you a love interest."

Blaine took another deep breath and ran a hand through his curly hair. "To be honest, it scared me! I was telling you the truth, when I said I cared deeply about you. If we started dating, it would complicate things. I didn't want to screw it up, I didn't want to lose you. So I decided to hide whatever feelings I had for you deep inside me and let things be as they were. See, that's the way I am. I am a coward, I take no risks, I always need to know what's going on, I like to always be prepared." Blaine looked down at his hands, considering what he just said. "But I didn't see this coming. Looks like I'm not much of a boyfriend when I couldn't make you see how much you mean to me."

"Blaine, I'm sorry..." Kurt made a move towards him, clearly wanting to comfort him, but Blaine stopped him and gave him a thin smile. "Kurt, you don't know just how much you have impressed me, when you didn't treat me like a star like everyone else at the Warblers. And you were right, we had pretty much become _Blaine and the pips_. No one would criticize me or challenge me. But _you_ criticized me, you spoke your mind, you didn't want to stand in my shadow, you wanted some spotlight for yourself. It made me want to be more, to work harder on myself and be a better man. For you!" Blaine reached out for Kurts hand and held onto it like his life depended on it.

"You keep my feet on the ground and at the same time you make me feel like I'm flying. My eyes may have been blind, Kurt, but my heart knew right from the start where it wanted to belong. You could have dumped me so many times along the way, I gave you enough reason to, but you held on and stood by me, no matter what. You were there for me when I was heartbroken by Jeremiah, even if it must have broken you apart as well. You truly think I'd leave you for another?"

Blaine shook his head and continued, his voice thick with tears. "If only you could take a look inside me, you'd know how desperate I am to be by your side and how scared of losing you. I need you, Kurt. I love you so much I can't even stand the thought of not being with you for a week. How do I survive this damned Christmas break? What do I do on Hawaii when you are so far away? Yeah, I've wasted so much time and thinking back now I regret a lot of things I did and didn't do."

Blaine tried to smile while a single tear trailed down his cheek. "Look, what I'm trying to say here is: You are the one! My heart has grown sure about you and now it longs for you so desperately. I'm not _ever_ gonna leave you for another guy. And yes, your forced sexy faces have been kinda weird," he chuckled and wiped his tears away. "But the way you are sexy when you don't act it, when it comes naturally, you just blow me away! You are so _hot_... it makes it hard for me to be in the same room with you and not forgetting how to breathe. And I want to kiss you so badly right now, I think I'm gonna die if you don't allow me to..."

He leaned forward and took Kurts head in his hands and kissed him hard on the lips. Kurt returned the kiss and his fingers grasped the front of Blaines shirt, pulling him closer. Blaine opened his mouth and a shiver went through his body at the feeling of Kurts tongue sliding past his teeth. With a hand on the small of Kurts back he gently pushed him down onto the bed and slid on top of him, covering as much of his boyfriends body as he possibly could, feeling the desperate need to be closer to him than ever before.

Their kiss was even more intense than the one before and Blaine ran his hands over Kurts chest, opening those nasty buttons, and then kissed Kurts neck and trailed his lips and tongue along his collarbone. He felt Kurts hands on his shoulders and slipping into his hair as if prompting him to go on. A small voice in the back of his head told him that this wasn't very gentleman-like, but he didn't care anymore. The taste of Kurts skin on his lips was just too delicious to let go.

Blaine heard Kurt gasp for air and it sounded more like a sob than a moan, so he looked up and was shocked to see tears on Kurts cheeks. "Oh dear, I'm sorry, Kurt, I'm sorry!" He wanted to back off, but Kurts arms held him in place. "I'm just crying, 'cause I'm so happy. I love you." Blaine wiped Kurts tears away and kissed his face. "I love you, too. I could stay like this with you forever."

Just then they heard the voice of Kurts father talking to his wife on the corridor just outside the door and they both held their breaths, praying for the door to stay shut. Kurts parents passed by without looking in, but the message got through. "We're not alone, you know", Kurt whispered. "We shouldn't ..."

Kurt was silenced by Blaines lips on his own. "I know", Blaine muttered against Kurts lips. "Is it okay, if I just held you tonight?"

Kurt nodded. "I would love that." His lips were still prickling with the taste of Blaines. They spooned up and Blaine put his arm firmly across Kurts chest. They both soon fell asleep of emotional exhaustion.

xxx xxx

**Songs in Chapter 2:**

Animal – Neon Trees

Kiss – Artist formerly known as Prince

**Next chapter:**

Blaine and Kurt exchange presents and Blaine drives home for Christmas. Kurt is devastated, because Blaine doesn't call or text and it feels like he's vanished from earth. Then on New Year's Eve something happens to Kurt...

**Please R&R! :)**


	3. Misery

**Author's Note: **I do not own Glee or any of the songs or any of the characters, but they have all my love!

I'm borrowing two characters (Reed and Shane) of the wonderful CP Coulter's "Dalton". I hope you don't mind. If you don't know "Dalton", you should read it, it's Klaine-genius. :)

**Please R&R!**

xxx xxx

The next morning Blaine pulled a large box out of his suitcase. „I have a little Christmas present for you. But don't open it before Christmas morning."

Kurts eyes widened as he had to wrap both arms around it to get a proper grip on the box. "Gosh, this is what you call _little_? Wait, I've got something for you, too."

They swapped gifts and grinned at each other. Kurt wondered what the hell was inside the large box Blaine gave him. It was kinda heavy, too. He didn't have a clue what Blaine could have gotten for him. He just hoped Blaine liked his present. It was a darkgreen cashmere scarf – accentuating just perfectly Blaines eye colour – and on one end of it he had embroidered with golden yarn the date of their first kiss and added "until forever", which he hoped wasn't too cheesy for Blaines liking. It annoyed him that Blaine wouldn't be needing the scarf on Hawaii, though.

"And Kurt, _this_", Blaine patted the gift box in Kurts arms gently, "is the only truth! Whenever you have doubts again, just look at it. Okay?"

Kurt felt himself blushing. "Okay, no more doubts. Promise." Gosh, how was he supposed to wait two more days before opening the box after this mysterious declaration?

They went downstairs together and Blaine said goodbye to Kurts parents. "Thank you for everything, Carole, Mr. Hummel."

"You're welcome, Blaine", Carole said with a smile. "Drive carefully and get home safely."

"Enjoy Hawaii, even though it's not the company you'd prefer", Burt said with an encouraging smile.

"Thank you."

"You can come back anytime you want. You're always welcome!" Carole gave him a heartfelt hug. Except for Finn, who was still fast asleep in bed, they were all gathered around Blaine standing at the door with his suitcase next to his feet. Now it was Kurts turn to say goodbye to his boyfriend.

"Uhm, could you please give us a moment?", Kurt asked as his parents didn't make a move.

"Oh, sure! See you, Blaine." Burt and Carole retreated to the nearby kitchen.

Kurt stepped closer to his boyfriend and embraced him, laying his head on Blaines shoulder. "I'm sorry for what I said last night", he whispered.

"Don't be", Blaine replied. "I want you to tell me stuff like that, okay?" Blaine took his face in both hands, drowning into Kurts blue eyes for a moment and then kissed him gently.

"Aww, they are so cute together", Carole purred and laid a hand on her heart. She pretended to be busy folding dishtowels, while watching the boys from the corner of her eye.

"Hmph", was all Burt managed, who stood next to her, his eyes never leaving the boys at the door. It was the first time he saw his son kiss another boy. A funny feeling stirred inside of him, but he couldn't quite grasp what it was. He was happy for his son, who seemed to be madly in love with that Blaine-kid. But being in a relationship was just another step on his way of growing up. Soon he'd leave home to go to college and maybe live in a flat in another town, far away. Burt hated the thought of letting him go. It had been hard enough to let him transfer to Dalton and only seeing him on the weekends. Where were the days when Kurt had been little and the two of them had spend every moment together?

As their lips separated, they still held each other close. "Your parents are watching us", Blaine whispered with a grin, "you know, pretending _not_ to watch us."

"Oh my gosh", Kurt uttered, blushing and resisting the urge to turn around and telling his parents off. "Come on, I'll walk you to your car."

Hand in hand they left the house and slowly walked to the driveway, where Blaine parked his car. Blaine put his suitcase into the trunk and turned to Kurt, taking his hands. "Will you tell me what your number one song is on your list of ruined songs?"

Kurt chuckled. "Have a guess."

Blaine narrowed his eyes. "Is it something I sang?"

Kurt nodded. Blaine scrubbed his chin while pondering on this information, obviously sifting through all songs he'd ever sung in Kurts presence. He made a face as the only possible song occurred to him.

"Is it _When I get you alone_?"

Again Kurt nodded, a smirk at the edge of his mouth, and squeezed Blaines hands. "It was physical pain to watch you sing that song to that damned GAP guy."

Blaine tilted his head and smiled. "Is it too late to say I'm sorry?"

Kurt bit his lips. "Not if your apology goes along with a kiss."

"Here? On the street?", Blaine exclaimed, pretending to be shocked by such a shameless suggestion.

"Get into the car", Kurt ordered and Blaine obeyed. As he sat down on his leather seat Kurt leaned in and they kissed, a proper goodbye kiss. Blaine felt dizzy as Kurt finally let go of him. "Wow, I guess just lost my ability to drive."

"Just fair, 'cause you just turned my knees into jelly", Kurt grinned back at him and held on to the door. Blaine smiled up to him. "I'll be back for New Year's Eve, can you manage without me until then?"

"I'm not sure, it's a long time", Kurt joked with a dramatic sigh.

"I'm gonna call you so often you'll get sick of me."

"Promise?"

"You can bet on it. And Kurt, about that awesome kiss last night?" Blaine smiled that gorgeous smile of his. "I would like to repeat that anytime soon, but without your father being in the same building, please?"

Kurt laughed and grinned back at him. "Deal."

"Now go get inside! It's freezing cold!"

Blaine started his car and waved him goodbye. Kurt rubbed his arms against the cold and watched his boyfriend drive away until he was out of sight. Just then he noticed his neighbor Mr Johnson sitting on a bench in front of his house, a steaming coffee cup in his hands to keep him warm, while his dog was out in the garden. "Good morning!", Kurt shouted over to him with a wave of his hand.

Mr. Johnson didn't answer. He just leaned forward and spit on the ground.

xxx xxx

Very early on Christmas morning the Hummel-Hudson clan gathered in the living room around the tree due to one insisting and merciless Kurt. "Santa worked all night to get everyone their pressies on time", Kurt had told Finn as he had pushed his stepbrother out of bed. "So it should not be asking too much to wake up early to accept them, right?"

"You just can't wait to open that gift Blaine gave you", Finn muttered. He was still in the shirt he slept in and a pair of boxers, his hair a mess and eyes small from sleep. It was just as they joined their parents in the living room, that Finn got aware of the extraordinary outfit Kurt was wearing.

"Woah Kurt, what did you get dressed up for?" Finn exclaimed and rubbed his eyes to clear his vision. His stepbrother was wearing a glistening golden suit, a red shirt with button-down collar and as always a perfect hair-do.

"It is Christmas, Finn. One dresses up for the occasion." Kurt explained with sparks in his eyes and kneeded his hands. He was apparently filled with anticipation.

"But not in the _morning_!" Finn complained with a moan.

"We didn't put our tuxedos on back in the days", Burt reminded his son with a chuckle.

"Back in the days it was just you and me", Kurt replied with a loving smile and leaned into his father, who wore a blue bathrobe. "And I knew my show of fashion was lost on you."

"Oh, have you set the table, Kurt?", Carole asked, dressed in a white bathrobe and hiding a yawn behind her hand. Now they all looked at the beautiful breakfast table decoration in awe. It looked like a perfect picture in a Christmas commercial.

"When the fuck did you get up to do all this?"

"Finn, watch your mouth."

"I couldn't sleep anyway", Kurt explained with a dismissive wave of his hand, however not revealing that the reason for his sleeplessness was that he hadn't received a call or a message from his boyfriend since Blaine had left two days ago. "So I set the table for Christmas breakfast and made sure Santa got his cookies and milk after dropping all these nice presents underneath our fabulous tree by the fireplace."

"Place looks great", Burt had to admit. "But a little less would have done, too." He sure had liked the comfy way his wife had decorated with different stuff, colors may not have matched, but who cared? Except Kurt, of course, who could completely dedicate himself to a task at hand and often overdid it. But you sure not mentioned it if you liked to live.

"So, what's the schedule? Presents or breakfast first?" Burt asked.

"Presents!" Finn inquired.

"I guessed so, that's why I put the apple pie in the oven to keep warm", Kurt said with a smile for his stepbrother.

"Warm apple pie for breakfast?" Finn beamed. "I like the sound of that! Wait! You made _real_ apple pie, right? With sugar in it?"

"Yes, it's a proper pie with lots of sugar in it."

"Yay!" Finn cheered at this and the others laughed.

"Kurt, you're such a sweetheart." Carole hugged him. "You've made such an effort!"

"No, it was no trouble at all."

They sat down on the couch while Burt had the honor to share out the presents. Everyone was very pleased with what they were given. Half an hour later there were only two more presents left. Burt read the sign on a flat box wrapped in golden paper: "So, this is from Kurt to Finn."

"Oh, hey, thanks." Finn accepted the box and opened it with a mix of dread and suspicion.

Concidering the fact that Kurt usually gave away clothes, Finn wasn't surprised to receive a shirt from him. However he was surprised, that it was a shirt he even could consider wearing. Well, it wasn't Finns usual style, but it looked kinda manly and elegant and maybe even sexy. "Wow, thanks. How do you even know my size?", he inquired.

"_Please_." Kurt raised an eyebrow, obviously offended by this question. He took the darkblue shirt away from Finns grasp, folded it neatly and put it back into the box to prevent it from getting crushed and dirty.

"You must wear it on your next date with Rachel", Kurt instructed him. "She'll be delighted to see you in a fitting shirt for a change, you know, it's a pain for the eye to see you in those horribly oversized shirts you usually wear. This one is a bit tight in the waist so it emphasizes your broad shoulders. Don't wear a T-shirt underneath! And keep at least two buttons open. I guarantee, Rachel will love it. I would ask you to try it on right now, but you definitely need to shower first. Just tell me when you're going to meet Rachel and I'll help you put it on."

"I know how to put on a shirt", Finn claimed, a bit irritated by the offer.

"Mhm", was Kurts doubtful comment. "We can see that every day."

"So, which one's next?" Carole asked, clearly enjoying being surrounded by her men. She bend down to take the last present up, which was the one she was so excited to see it open as if it was for herself. „Is this Blaine's present?", she asked innocently as she handed the large box wrapped in green paper to Kurt.

"Yes, it is", he replied, obviously anxious for it. He sat down on the couch and put it on his lap.

"Don't you want to open it?" Carole urged him, as he hesitated.

"I don't dare. What if I'm totally disappointed by it? I mean, a present this size can't be any good."

"Looks like a coffee machine from the size of it", Burt teased.

"Or a football helmet", Finn suggested laughing.

Kurt glared at them and then sighed. "Blaine knows better than to give me something like that. I hope."

"Open it!" Carole sat beside him on the couch and he finally lifted the cover of the box.

Inside was a lot of red glitter confetti. And another box.

"Wow, he's making it exciting", Finn commented.

All the glitter sprayed over Kurt's suit and the carpet as he lifted the second box out of the first one. As he opened it he found more glitter and another smaller box.

"He's making it _really_ exciting", Burt laughed.

Four more boxes and tons of red glitter later, Kurt held in his hand a small black velvet jewel case. Caroles and his eyes widened with disbelief as they read the name of the jeweler.

"Tiffany's!" Carole exclaimed breathlessly. "He got you jewelry from Tiffany's!"

"We were talking about the Audrey Hepburn movie the other day and how much I loved it", Kurt explained, not sure what to expect, but definitely not expecting something of this value. His hands were trembling by now and Carole was clutching his arm excitedly.

Burt shifted from side to side, not sure if he liked that his son received such an exclusive present from his boyfriend. Finn watched open-mouthed and with such intense as if he was hypnotised and Kurt would tell Mercedes later that he drooled all over his gifts.

Kurt opened the little box. Inside on a white little cushion lay a bracelet.

It was a golden bracelet with an engraving on a golden disk reading: KLAINE.

Kurt was speechless. He remembered Blaines words: _This is the only truth_.

"Oh dear, it's beautiful", Carole whispered in awe and Kurt gave it to her for a better look. Burt and Finn moved closer to have a look at it as well.

"_Klaine_? What does that mean?" Burt asked with a clueless expression on his face.

"It's our names, Kurt and Blaine, joined together", Kurt explained and fanned himself with a piece of wrapping paper to prevent himself from starting to cry.

"Awww, that's so cute", Carole purred, admiring it.

"Can you please help me put it on?" Kurt held out his left arm and Carole put the bracelet around his wrist.

"Huh, guess I should have bought something like that for Rachel, too", Finn wondered. "Got her a hair straightener, because she always complains about her hair being a mess."

Kurt raised his eyebrows at his stepbrother. "Have you given it to her yet? If not, screw that and get her the star-shaped brooch of which she talks about like _every_ _day_ for the past three weeks? Mercedes told me, she said it was totally annoying. If that wasn't a hint I cannot think of one." For Christmas' sake Kurt swallowed the _moron_ that wanted to escape his lips.

Finn nodded at this. "Hey, good idea."

Kurt couldn't take his eyes of his new bracelet and the thought of its special meaning made his throat tighten. Tears swelled in his eyes and he couldn't hold them back.

"Kurt, are you crying?" Carole asked with a smile and patted his arm as she saw Kurt wipe at his eyes.

"It's just... "Kurt sighed happily. "I didn't expect Blaine to give me something like this! And I was being so stupid. We had this silly fight and I accused him of not really, _really_ loving me and now this! I have to go and call him at once, tell him I'm sorry and that this is awesome! He is awesome! Gosh, _life_ is awesome!"

Kurt embraced Carole and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, I love all your presents, too." He also hugged and kissed his dad and even Finn and hurried out of the room.

"Guess I really _should_ get Rachel that brooch", Finn pondered as he wiped Kurts wet kiss off his cheek.

Burt and Carole exchanged looks. "I hope you're satisfied with what I gotcha", Burt mumbled with a pout. Carole kissed him smack on the lips. "Don't worry, darling, I just _lurve_ my new car stereo!"

Kurt took two steps at once as he raced upstairs and opened the door to his room. He grabbed his cell phone, which lay on its place on his nightstand and dialed Blaines number, in his head already forming the words he wanted to say to his boyfriend. He was utterly disappointed as the voicemail went on, but he spoke on it and asked Blaine to call him back ASAP! "I need to tell you how awesome your gift is, so please call back as soon as you hear this!"

He pocketed his cell and went back down for breakfast. Finn was already relishing the warm apple pie as Kurt sat down with his family. "What did he say?", Carole asked him with that motherly smile of hers.

"He didn't answer", Kurt sighed, but smiled anyway. "Guess I have to wait a little longer for my _Oh my god I love my new bracelet I love YOU_ speech."

"Probably he is with his family right now", she smiled at him. "You'll talk to him soon enough."

xxx xxx

"I cannot believe we're spending New Year's Eve at Rachel's!"

"Do I really have to remind you that we live in a small town called Lima in Ohio? What else do you expect to be doing on New Year's Eve?" Kurt picked a stray hair off his best friends sleeve. She wore a gorgeous golden flowing top and tight black jeans. "Look at the bright side, at least we'll pick up the latest gossip on our friends and foes."

This made Mercedes giggle. Kurt smiled at her. He loved it when he could make her laugh, it was an easy task. He had an invitation from his friends at Dalton, but he rather spent New Year's Eve with his friends from McKinley. Due to Blaines continued silence over the past few days, he wasn't really in the mood to party, though. He was leaning on the banister of the stairs that led to the _Oscar_ room, which was the party room basement of Rachel Berrys fathers, with Mercedes standing next to him.

"Have I mentioned you look _awesome_ tonight, Mercedes."

"Awww, thanks, Kurt. You know, I always dress up when I meet my man." Mercedes smiled up at him, leaving no doubt that _he_ was her man, and continued to look at her surroundings disapprovingly. Then her eyes got stuck on Artie and Brittany who did a very artistic looking dance thing on his wheelchair. Kurt followed her eyes and couldn't help but admire Brittanys balancing abilities. She really knew how to do the splits.

"Did Brittany do _that_ when you made out with her?" Mercedes asked as they both watched mesmerized how Brittany bounced up and down on Artie in time to the music which was TikTok by Kesha.

"Thankfully _not_", Kurt answered with the sudden urge of retching and willing himself to look away.

"Hello friends, are you enjoying yourselves?"

Kurt and Mercedes both flinched as Rachel suddenly appeared at their side.

"Have you seen my new star-shaped brooch?" Rachel thrusted out her bossom for them to have a closer look. "Finn gave it to me for Christmas. Isn't it wonderful?"

"Gosh, it's beautiful", Kurt pretended to admire the brooch. "I wonder how Finn managed to think of such a special present all by himself?"

"I know, isn't it awesome?" Rachel beamed. "It's all my influence. I teach him how to truly listen to people. You know how he used to let his mind wander, when someone talked to him."

"Oh yes, that was such a terribly annoying habit", Kurt nodded understandingly. "Oh, while you're at it, could you please make him change the way he sneezes? It's deafening. And you know how he picks his nose when he thinks no one is looking? I believe in you, Rachel, you have the ability to make him a better man."

"I know! I even improved the way he dresses", Rachel told them proudly. "Look at what he's wearing tonight. Isn't that darkblue shirt just awesome? He looks _so_ good in it!"

"I know", Kurt agreed with a sigh and then both, he and Rachel, stared with obvious admiration across the room to where Finn was talking to Mike and Tina. Finn noticed being stared at and waved at them with that lopsided smile of his. Both Kurt and Rachel waved back and sighed in unison.

"Well, as you can see, Kurt, I try my best with Finn."

Mercedes couldn't suppress her giggles any longer and burst out laughing, clutching at Kurts arm, who merely lifted an eyebrow at her to show his own amusement.

Rachel looked at Mercedes a bit irritated. "Okay, see you later, guys. I need to go and make sure no one messes with my punch."

"She is so clueless! Why didn't you tell her _you_ gave Finn that shirt for Christmas?", Mercedes inquired the instant Rachel was out of earshot.

"I'm not one to crush one's illusions." Kurt followed Rachel with his eyes and sighed. "I'm just glad to see Rachel's own style has improved. At least a bit. She looks kinda ..." Kurt mused a moment to find the right words to describe what he was seeing, "_okay_ in that violet A-line dress thingie she wears tonight."

"Remember what she wore on her last party?" Mercedes started her evil giggling again. Kurt smirked as viciously as his best friend. "Sure, Rachel's outfit was terrible then, but the worst part was that she put it on _before_ she got drunk!"

Kurt patted Mercedes' hand, that still clutched his arm. "I don't understand why you're complaining about spending New Year's at Rachel's. If I remember correctly _you_ had a jolly good time the last time we were here."

"Well, I had a booze then. But I'm done with alcohol, I can tell you!" She gave him a knock with her elbow and giggled viciously. "And if I remember correctly you _didn't_ enjoy yourself very much the last time we were here."

"You really like reminding me of that, do you? You're evil, Mercedes, evil. They should give you a role at _Wicked_."

"I am evil? Just because I remind you of the fact that _this_ is the very place where Blaine kissed Rachel merely inches away from your face?" Mercedes couldn't stopp giggling. "Geez, Kurt, I thought you liked talking about Blaine."

"I do. But even more I like talking _to_ Blaine. Which is denied to me for nine whole days now. I simply don't understand what's going on in his head. He promised to be back by now. We wanted to spend New Year's Eve together. I tell you, no matter what excuse he has, I'm gonna give him a hard time about this. He cannot give me something special like _this_", he held up his wrist for Mercedes to admire his golden bracelet, "and then simply vanish from earth."

"Kurt, this is gorgeous!" Mercedes exclaimed. "Oh, I love how your names are mashed up!"

"I know! It's _outstanding_ gorgeous. That's why I don't get it. Why doesn't he at least text me?"

"Maybe it's the distance and his cell doesn't work on Hawaii", Mercedes guessed with a shrug. "By the way, the Hawaiian boys are said to be _very_ good looking, so maybe he is just being distracted."

Kurt glared at her. "You are _so_ not helping!"

Mercedes giggled again and took a sip of her coke. "Come on, Kurt, you don't need to worry about your man. Blaine would not cheat on you. He probably left his cell at home and kicks himself for that."

"Maybe he doesn't like the present I got for him", Kurt pondered and made a face. "I've gotten him a scarf. An expensive one, cashmere, Alexander McQueens latest collection, but nevertheless a _scarf_. Well, I love scarves, but I shouldn't be projecting my likings to another person, should I? He must think I'm so boring when all I can think of to give him is a scarf. I mean he gave me jewelry, there is no way you can compare a golden bracelet to a scarf..."

Mercedes threw her hands up to stop the rant Kurt had gotten himself into. "Woah, baby, if you say the word _scarf_ one more time, I swear I'm gonna drown you in that wine cooler bowl over there, which is pretty ugly by the way."

"Don't drink any of it", Kurt warned her. "I saw Puckerman put some mysterious liquid into it. Might be rum, might be some kind of drug, and the way he stares at _you_ all night I can tell he's not over you yet."

"Let him admire my delicious body from afar, he's had his chance. You look really good tonight, too, Kurt Hummel, not that I expected anything else from you, baby."

"Do I?" Kurt raised an eyebrow and smiled his _I know I'm gorgeous _smile, that Mercedes loved so much. He put a hand on his hip, the other one holding a diet coke can. He was good at posing. The black skinny jeans, white converses and the blue body-tight long-sleeved button-down looked damn good on him. "Well, too bad Blaine can't see me tonight."

"He'll hate that he missed this!" Mercedes smiled at him.

Just then Finn came over to them and put an arm casually around Kurts shoulders. "Hey, thanks again for that shirt. You were right, Rachel loves it and I kinda think I look really good in it."

_Sure you do, _Kurt thought by himself with a satisfied smirk on his lips_. I knew you would. I have an eye for style. _

"You must tell me where I can get those and I'm gonna get me some more, like different colors. Maybe you could come with me and advise me?"

Kurt gaped at him and was speechless for a sec. Was Finn serious? "Sure, if you want me to", he said hastily, before Finn could take his words back. "I'd love to."

Gosh! An offer to make over Finn! Did he know that make-overs were like crack to him? Kurt tried his luck by saying, "We could go shopping together next saturday, if you like."

"Deal." Finn shook hands with Kurt, who clearly was baffled. Finn was not even drunk. He really meant it! Kurt grinned happily at Mercedes, who of course could read his thoughts and knew Finn was in for a long, _long_ day at the mall.

In his head Kurt already made a list of all the stores they needed to visit and which ones first. Just then a thought striked him: What if Blaine had already made plans for them for next weekend? Well, forget it, Blaine Anderson! He had an appointment for a make-over sessionwith Finn Hudson. And yeah, he would make sure Blaine noticed how pissed he was at him for not calling. Yeah, he would make appointments with Mercedes for the next few weekends, sorry, no time for you, Blaine.

Kurt sighed and looked at his bracelet again. No, actually he didn't want to be pissed at Blaine. He wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to be with him – every minute, every second of the day! And he'd instantly cancel that shopping tour with Finn if only Blaine showed up and told him everything was okay...

Hold on! Cancel the chance to make over Finn? No way! But well, maybe Blaine could accompany them.

Mercedes looked at her watch. "Gosh, it's about time!", she shouted over the noise. Somebody had turned the volume up and the beat of_ Raise your glass_ throbbed through their bodies.

Suddenly Rachel was behind them again and shoved the three of them to the bar where everybody else was already gathered, sharing out glasses with sparkling wine and orange juice for the drivers. Everybody held up sparklers to imitate a firework. Kurt found himself stuck between Finn and Sam, not allowing himself to think about how he used to have a crush on both boys, as they all raised their glasses and shouted a countdown. "Four ... three ... two ... Happy New Year!"

Everybody cheered and laughed and hugged. Kurt was swept up in a bone-crushing hug by his stepbrother, who even lifted him off his feet. "Finn! Let go of me!" Kurt shouted as the giant made no sign of dropping him off again. Apparently Finn had no more reservations towards him. And he didn't know his own strength. Last year Kurt had dreamed about being hugged by Finn Hudson. Funny how things changed. And how the hell did Rachel survive these tight hugs? "Sorry, bro", Finn grinned at him sheepishly, before he turned to shake hands – very manly – with Sam. Kurt straightened his clothes, before he was pulled into a heartfelt and everlasting embrace by Mercedes.

As the wave of hugging and well-wishing had died down, he and Mercedes settled into the cushions on the couch. Kurt watched his friends, especially the couples – Finn and Rachel, Tina and Mike, Artie and Brittany – who were sharing New Year's kisses. Mercedes reached out and caressed Kurts cheek. "You're thinking of Blaine right now, do you?"

Kurt sighed deeply and thought it was about time he confided in his best friend. "Okay, Mercedes, there is something I didn't tell you", Kurt said with a guilty face.

Mercedes looked up at him expectantly.

"When Blaine stayed at ours the day before christmas, we ... well, he slept in my room and that night we ..."

"Oh my god! You had sex!" Mercedes almost screamed in joy.

"No, we didn't", Kurt hushed her and looked around the room. Luckily the music was loud and everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves, not paying attention to the crazy girl jumping up and down on the couch and squeaking. Mercedes settled down again and looked rather disappointed. "Why not? Don't tell me you're still embarrassed about letting him touch you!"

"I will not talk about _that_ with you", Kurt snapped. "Now shut up or I won't tell you what happened that night."

Mercedes mimed to turn a key to shut her mouth. Kurt held out his hand and she dropped the imaginary key into it. Kurt put it into his pocket with such an earnest expression that Mercedes couldn't help but giggle again. Kurt took a deep breath to ready himself for what he had to confess. "Well, we had kind of a fight..."

Mercedes made an angry face and opened her mouth to tell him how stupid it was to fight with his boyfriend on Christmas, but Kurt stopped her simply by lifting an eyebrow. She knew he meant it when he said he wouldn't say no more if she interrupted him. So she gave him a thin-lipped smile and urged him with her eyes to go on.

"To make it short: We had a fight, we made up and everything was okay again. At least, that's what I thought. But now I am not so sure anymore. What if now that he had time to think about it he changed his mind? What if he wants to break up with me?" The last few words came out as a whisper and suddenly there were tears brimming in his eyes and he tried to blink them away.

"Woah, Kurt, calm down, honey!" Mercedes reached over to hold Kurts hands. "Baby, please tell me what your fight was about?"

Kurt sighed and looked at his best friend, his lips trembling slightly. "I told him he made me feel like second choice and that I doubted that he truly loved me."

Mercedes stared at him with an expression of pure shock.

"And", Kurt continued with a sigh, "I accused him of using me as a boyfriend prototype and leave me as soon as another pretty guy walks by."

"Oh, Kurt", Mercedes shook her head with a sigh.

"Sorry, if I interrupt this", Rachel stepped around the couch. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation."

"And I can't help but strangle you right now", Kurt made a threatening move towards her, but Mercedes held him back.

"Kurt, honestly, what made you think that low of Blaine?" Rachel continued and sat down next to Mercedes. "He may or may not be a lot of things, but as I happened to have shared two kisses with him I can tell you that he definitely is gay and seeing how he acts around you, he is truly in love with you. What makes you doubt that?"

Kurt shook his head slowly. "He asked me the same. I don't even know anymore."

Mercedes had a guilty expression on her face. "I guess I know. Kurt, is this because of the talk we had at _Breadsticks_ the other day? You know, when we sung _How will I know_?"

"The Whitney Houston song?" Rachel asked but was ignored by both of them.

"I am so sorry I talked you into this, Kurt. To tell you the truth, I was just being jealous. You know how I used to think of our friendship as a replacement for a relationship? The truth is, I miss you like crazy. I miss choking on your hair spray when we stand at your locker, I miss fooling around with you during glee club meetings, I miss singing diva contests with you. I could continue this list forever. I was so jealous of Blaine who seemed to be the only one you want to hang out with anymore..."

"Look, Kurt", Rachel interrupted again, "this is my very first New Year's Eve Party and I don't want you to sit here and sulk, the other guests might think you are bored. But", at this Rachel raised her voice, "we all know you are just sulking, because your boyfriend let you down, isn't that right?"

Rachel ignored the glares she got by Kurt and Mercedes and smiled broadly at them. "Whatever it is with Blaine, whether he found someone else on Hawaii or had been in an accident and spends his time currently in a hospital bed, you'll find out soon enough. Until then you should enjoy yourself!"

"Have I ever told you how hateful you are sometimes?" Kurt muttered under his breath and clenched his fists.

"Rachel, stop freaking him out." This was Finn who joined them and laid an arm around his girlfriend. He tried to cheer his stepbrother up. "So, if Blaines family holiday is as awful as he told us it was gonna be, maybe he is having a booze every day to get through. You know, being drunk can be a good way to survive a period of time. Guess he lost track of time and simply forgot to call you."

"Or maybe he is in a hospital due to alcohol poisoning", Rachel suggested with a cheerful smile on her face.

"Thanks Finn, Rachel, that will be it. Why didn't I think of it before?" Kurt replied dryly.

"You're welcome, brother."

"Stop worrying about your lover, Hummel", now Puck mixed his advice in. "You sound like a wife who is being cheated on, but won't believe it. You'd rather have your guy half dead in hospital than in the arms of another."

"You better shut up, Puckerman, or I will make you eat my socks!" Mercedes shouted and suddenly everyone in the room was discussing Kurts love life.

Kurt wanted to interfere by simply killing all of them, but was distracted by his cell which vibrated in his pocket. He looked at it and saw he'd received a text from his classmate Reed, who was also his roomie at the dorm in Dalton. He'd texted Reed and asked him about Blaine an hour ago. Reed was a friend of Blaine and – more importantly – had a serious crush on Blaines younger brother Shane, so Kurt suspected Reed might have word from Shane about what was going on.

_What do you mean Blaine hasn't contacted you for days? Did you __two fight? Got no message from Shane either, guess he's having fun on Hawaii. BTW: Happy New Year! Reed :)_

Kurt frowned. This was weird. He knew that Shane was crazy for Reed. They texted back and forth every day and it was just a matter of time they finally began dating officially. Why didn't Shane contact Reed anymore all of a sudden? This couldn't be a coincidence. Reed and Shane didn't have a fight. And Blaine and he didn't have a fight either. They had made up after all.

Kurt touched his bracelet and fingered the small plate saying KLAINE.

Something was wrong. Seriously wrong.

Even if Blaine was pissed at him in retrospect for what he'd accused him of, even if Blaine wanted to split up after Kurts dumb confession that he doubted his sincerity, he wouldn't leave him in the dark like this. He trusted Blaine to have the balls to at least call personally and make this break-up offical. Something must hold Blaine back from contacting him. Or someone.

"Kurt? Is everything okay?", Mercedes looked at him obviously concerned.

"I'm leaving", he said to his best friend.

"Already? Baby, I know you're sad about Blaine not calling. You shouldn't be alone tonight."

"It's okay, don't worry about me, Mercedes. I'm just tired."

Finn appeared at his side. "You wanna leave? Now? You know, we're supposed to leave together?"

"Sorry, but I don't wanna stay any longer. Can you ask someone to give you ride?"

"Sure. As far as I can see some guys have stayed sober. You're okay all by yourself, then?"

"I'm not a toddler, Finn", Kurt rolled his eyes. "I'll drive straight home, I won't leave the path and stray in the woods. Promise."

xxx xxx

Kurt got into his Navigator and started the engin. Rachels neighboorhood was quite fancy. This was where the rich people lived, no doubt. Kurt wondered how life was here for Rachels fathers. Did they get along with their neighbors or were they harassed? Was it okay for a gay couple to live here? Maybe it was okay to be gay if you were rich. Kurt thought of Elton John, George Michael and all the gay singers and actors he knew. Apparently, it was okay for a celebrity to be gay, but it was a curse when you were a seventeen year old teen in high school in a little town called Lima, Ohio.

He wondered how life was for a gay teen where Blaines family lived in Newark. They were quite rich. Apart from Blaines dad, who seemed to be quite a homophobe, were there people in his environment supporting him? He never talked about it much. But seeing how afraid his younger brother Shane was to admit to his family, that he was gay, too, it must be really hard for Blaine.

Kurt sighed and turned his radio off. He couldn't think straight. Reeds message had left him hollow inside. It was a creepy, foreseeing feeling, like he suddenly knew he'd never see Blaine again. It made him shiver to his bones and he had to concentrate hard on his driving skills. He stopped at a red light and allowed himself to close his eyes for a moment.

And there he was, Blaine, dancing through the halls at Dalton and singing this awesome song like his life depended on it, and Kurt sang along to the memory:

"I am in misery!

There ain't nobody  
>Who can comfort me<br>Why won't you answer me?  
>The silence is slowly killing me<p>

You say your faith is shaken

You may be mistaken  
>You keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun<p>

I'm desperate and confused  
>So far away from you<br>I don't care where I have to run

Why do you do what you do to me, yeah  
>Why won't you answer me, answer me, yeah<br>Why do you do what you do to me, yeah  
>Why won't you answer me?"<p>

Kurt winced as a honk exploded in the stillness of the night behind him. He hastily wiped the tears from his cheeks and drove on. How pathetic. He had let the emotion sweep him away. Yeah, he felt miserable, but that was no reason to sing stupid songs about misery. He would see Blaine in two days at school and he would give him a cold shoulder until Blaine was on his knees and begged him for forgiveness and then they would kiss and everything would be alright again.

The streets in their neighborhood were spookily dark and empty. People here didn't celebrate New Year's Eve with fireworks in their front gardens. They went to the big park show spectacle. That was where his parents went tonight, too. They'd not be home for at least another hour. He was happy for his dad, who used to spend New Year's Eve either at home watching a movie or at some bar with some of his buddies, who wanted to get away from their wives. Now Burt had a wonderful wife, who made him happy and who he could kiss at midnight.

Kurt sighed. He had wanted to spend this night with Blaine so badly. Whatever had caused Blaines delay, he wouldn't forgive his boyfriend that easily that he'd let him down tonight. Watching fireworks as a single had always been depressing. Watching them having a boyfriend who is nowhere to be found, was even more depressing.

Kurt parked in the driveway, making sure he left enough space for his parents car. As he went up the small path that led to the front door, he rummaged in his mans purse for his keys. He didn't notice the guy standing there in the dark corner next to the rhododendron bushes until the man stepped forward and said his name. "Kurt Hummel?"

Kurt didn't have much time to react. He looked up at the giant, too surprised to even be scared, and the next second he was punched in the stomach so hard, it knocked the breath out of him. Another punch hit his temple, another one his chin, he stumbled backwards and fell. Kurt wanted to cry out for help, but he was out of breath, he couldn't make a sound. Then there was the disgusting taste of blood in his mouth.

The man stood over him menacingly, not saying a word, no abuse, no name-calling, just threatening silence. Then he kicked him with his boots, into his sides and stomach. At some time Kurt thought he heard something crack, but then there was just a loud buzz in his ears.

Finally the guy let go of him. Kurt curled into a fetal position, trying to ignore the pain, concentrating on breathing, which was the hardest thing to do, because everything hurt inside when he took a deep breath.

He heard the man step over him, shaking something sounding like an aerosol can. Kurt closed his eyes in expectance of being sprayed upon, but the guy was spraying something on the door or the wall and then left, strolling down the path as if he'd just been visiting a friend.

Kurt fought to stay concious, fearing he might die if he blacked out. What time was it? When would his parents or Finn come home? He tried to sit up, but the pain seared through him anytime he moved. He heard cars drive by, some people talking happily in the street, but he knew they couldn't see him where he lay, because the rhododendron bushes blocked the view from the front door of the house.

He felt so tired. It seemed like an eternity until he heard his dads car park in the gateway. He listened to his parents getting out of the car, laughing about something, definitely being in a good mood, and he wished he wasn't the one who had to ruin the perfect New Year's Eve for both of them. They deserved to be happy and not to worry about him all the time.

"Kurt!"

It was his dads horrified voice that cut through the fog in his head. "Kurt, are you with me?" He felt his dads hands on his shoulder and on his face and winced at the sudden pain the move caused. "Carole, call an ambulance!"

It was then he finally allowed himself to embrace the darkness.

xxx xxx

**Songs in Chapter 3:**

Misery – Maroon 5

**Next chapter:**

Kurts family and friends try to find out who had attacked Kurt. Finn confronts Karofsky. Kurt's greatest concern however is Blaine's continued silence. Where is Blaine and why doesn't he call? Then his roommate Reed shows up and brings news on Blaine.

**Please R&R!**


	4. Heros

**Author's Note:** I do not own Glee. I do own Mr Johnson, but actually I don't want neither him nor his awful dog. Also for this chapter I borrowed the awesome and just sooo cute Reed of CP Coulter's "Dalton", I hope you don't mind, but I simply couldn't resist.

Thank you sooo much to all of you who put my story to your favourites and/or on alert. This really means a lot to me!

Please, please take a second to review, let me know what you think! I'm also happy for suggestions and prompts as I'm not sure myself where all of this is heading. I have a couple of ideas, but not sure in which direction I should go. At least, I know where Blaine is, and he will show up soon. Well, maybe not too soon, but eventually in a few chapters ;-) Until then please have patience, even though poor Kurt hasn't.

xxx xxx

"I think he's waking up. Kurt? Kid, can you hear me?"

As he woke up, his vision was blurred, but he recognized the face of his father hovering over him and he felt his dads hand holding his own tight.

"I'm right here with you, Kurt, you're gonna be alright, you hear me? You're safe now."

Kurt tried to get his thoughts together, but everything inside his head was a mess. There was just one question above all that burned him up. He tried to talk, but his throat was sore.

"Easy, son. What is it?"

Kurt swallowed and concentrated hard on getting the words out. It wasn't more than a whisper, but his father heard him anyway.

"How's Blaine? Is he okay?"

"Blaine? He wasn't with you, remember? You were alone. And damn Finn for that! You were supposed to leave together!"

Now Kurt remembered the party at Rachel's and how Blaine was supposed to be there with him, but hadn't shown up, hadn't even called. There was a flash of the concerned look on Mercedes' face as he had left and how he had given her an assuring smile, another flash of thinking about Rachel's fathers and of singing _Misery_ while driving home and then ... just blackness. He knew something terrifying had happened, but he couldn't grasp it. It was as if his mind didn't want to.

"What happened?" Kurt noticed how his dad hesitated before answering.

"We found you on the front steps two nights back. You ... have been attacked", Burt answered with strain in his voice. "There is a police officer with me. We were hoping you could tell us who did this to you."

"Hello Kurt, my name is Marc Williams. It is very important that you tell us everything you remember. Did you see who attacked you?"

Now it all came back to him. The hard punch in the stomach and then in his face, the confusion and fear, how helpless he had felt and the way it had been hard to breathe, how he had waited for it all to be over. He didn't notice how hard he suddenly clenched his dads hand until Burt patted it with his other hand and looked at him in concern. "It's okay, son, it's alright", Burt said softly, clearly in an attempt to comfort him, even though he knew nothing was okay or alright.

"Did you see who attacked you?" Mr Williams repeated his question.

Kurt shook his head slowly. He tried to stay calm on the outside while his heart was bolting inside his chest like a panicked rabbit. "I looked for my keys in my bag while I went up to the front door. When I looked up there was a man standing, he must have hidden behind the bushes..."

"Can you describe the man?"

"He was big, bigger than Finn..."

"Did you see his face?"

"No, before I could take a look at him, he'd punched me and I was ... I didn't … I just couldn't do anything." Before he could hold them back tears were streaming down his cheeks, but his father instantly wiped them away gently with his thumb. "It's okay, Kurt, don't overstrain yourself", Burt tried to calm him down. "I guess we're done here, officer. My son needs rest. We'll contact you as soon as he remembers anything else."

"Alright Mr Hummel. This is my card. Call me anytime. But it doesn't look good. It's unlikely we'll find the guy who attacked your son with as little information as we have here and ..."

"He said my name", Kurt interrupted quietly and both men looked up sharply.

"What did you just say, Kurt?"

"When I reached for the door, I heard someone say my name. That was why I looked up, I didn't notice him standing there before."

"Did he say anything else?" Mr Williams inquired.

"No, nothing else, not a word. But", Kurt took a shaky breath as he remembered, "I guess I heard him pull out a spray. He sprayed something on the door or the wall." Kurt looked to his father in concern. "What did he write?"

Burt shook his head slowly. "Don't worry about it. It was just daub. No words."

Burt shared a look with the police officer who knew he was lying to his son. But he simply couldn't tell Kurt about the words on their front door, two words he would never be able to forget every time he stepped through that door: DIE FAG!

He wouldn't tell Kurt about the hot tears of rage and despair he'd shed while he had scrubbed the wooden door with sandpaper and then painted it over until the abusive words were no longer visible.

He wouldn't tell him how he had been beside himself with rage when Finn had first showed up in hospital, how he had screamed at the boy for letting Kurt leave on his own and, hell, how he had felt guilty afterwards. After all, it wasn't Finn's fault that the world was as cruel as it was.

Burt pressed a kiss on Kurt's right temple, as the left side of his face was bruised. "I love you, son. Now rest. I'll be here, when you wake up."

xxx xxx

Finn was pacing the hospital halls up and down, he just couldn't sit down and keep still. Kurt was in here for two days now and he hadn't had a chance to see and talk to him yet. Burt and his mom told him that Kurt was asleep most of the time mainly because of the meds he was given, so his mind and body could rest and he would not ponder about what had happened all the time. Also with his injuries he wasn't allowed to get up yet anyway.

Finn had missed the first day of school today. He was still too shaken by what had happened and hadn't slept at all. Although his mother had assured him it wasn't his fault and even Burt had apologised to him for his outburst, he still felt guilty as hell. How could he stand in front of his friends, who all cared so much about Kurt, especially Mercedes, and tell them what had happened and why he hadn't been there?

The angry words Burt had screamed at him still echoed loudly in his ears. "Where have you been? Where the hell have you been?"

Right. Where had he been? Lingering on his girlfriends party for what? Watching how one half of his friends got wasted and the other half of them bored to death until Rachel had announced it was time for them to go. And then he hadn't even gotten the chance to make out with Rachel, but was given a plastic bag to help her cleaning up. For a person so emotional and romantic in song, Rachel could be all businesslike in real life. After all the work had been done, he'd hoped for a cuddle session at least, but all he'd gotten from Rachel was a ride home, a sweet goodnight kiss and the sexiest smile with the remark: "Now you better get some sleep. Dream of me, will you?" This girl really knew how to drive a man crazy.

When he'd stepped up to the front door of their house, he had been weary, but not tired enough to not notice the words sprayed in red on the door. "What the …?" He had stumbled backwards in surprise and not really been able to take the message in for a few seconds. All he had thought about was how to get these words off the door before Kurt could see them. Then he had realized that Kurt must be home already. Just then his mother had opened the door, drenched in tears. "There you are, Finn! I've tried to call you but your phone is off. Are you sober? Good, then let's drive to the hospital at once. I've just waited for you to come home."

"Wait, mom! Hospital? Why? What happened?"

It seemed he always was anywhere but on the right spot when Kurt needed help. This wasn't the first time he had failed to look out for him, but definitely the worst time. He had spend the last couple of days remembering all those countless times he had let Kurt down ever since they were glee club fellows.

Yeah, Kurt had always been apparently different, being obsessed with clothes and show tunes, even at the beginning when he wouldn't admit to be gay yet. His otherness had made him an easy target for guys like Karofsky and, back in the days, Noah Puckerman.

Finn had never stopped Puck and the gang from grabbing Kurt and tossing him into the dumpster, which had happened almost every day. He hadn't liked it, but he had stood by and watched. The only thing he did for Kurt then was holding his jacket, which the strange little boy didn't want stained or damaged. To tell the truth, he had been impressed by Kurt back then, when the boy had refused to let them get to him, when he'd been telling them, they'd be working for him someday. No matter how often he got thrown into that damned dumpster, he would get out of it more fabulous than he went in, his nose even higher, his attitude even more superior than before.

Kurt used to have this wall around him, not allowing anybody to actually approach him. That wall had been up until he had joined the new glee club. Among his glee club fellows he had slowly warmed up and began to show who he really was. He was a caring person, even if he could be bitchy at times. But apart from his diva moments, he definitely was a team player and he would always take one for the team.

Actually, he even had taken a slushy in the face for him. Back then Finn had been twisted between his football buddies and his friends from _New Directions_. He had been so immature and a complete idiot. His football mates had told him to throw a slushy into Kurts face or else they'd kick the crap out of him. And there he had been standing in front of Kurt with the ice cold slushy in his hand, but he simply couldn't do it. This was not who he was. He didn't want to harm people and he didn't want to insult his glee club friends, but if he wanted to stay on the football team, he had to.

"This is called taking one for the team", Kurt had announced and the moment Kurt took that slushy out of his hands and threw it into his own face, Finn had truly been impressed by this act of selflessness and sheer craziness. "Now take some time to think about whether or not any of your friends in the football team would have done this for you." Yes, he remembered word for word of what Kurt had said to him that day, because it had left Finn feeling like a fool.

Why did he care so much about what those jock idiots said? Why was it so hard to stand up against them? Even at the time when Karofsky had started harassing Kurt, Finn still didn't have the balls to confront the guy, because he was scared to be the next in line. He had wanted to safe his own ass, because let's face it, who wanted to be at the receiving end of a thrown slushy or worse?

Now he was ashamed of what a coward he'd been all this time. When their parents had married, he had promised Kurt to have his back and to protect him no matter what and he had meant it. Sure, he couldn't have foreseen that Kurt would be the victim of such an act of violence that night. But he should at least have suspected it, because no matter the circumstances, a kid like Kurt would always be a victim. He was just too little and fragile to stand up against an attack of that kind and unfortunately there were too many freaks out there to happily throw a punch in his direction.

Finn walked up to the nurse, who just came out of Kurt's room and looked at her expectantly. She smiled kindly at him. "You can talk to your brother now, but not for long. He just got his medication and he needs to rest."

"Okay, thanks." Finn entered the room, feeling more than a bit awkward, not sure how to approach his stepbrother. "Hey there", he said with a soft voice and slowly moved closer to the bed.

"Hey yourself", Kurt replied with a weak voice and turned to look at him. Finn had been warned that Kurt's face was bruised, but he hadn't imagined it to be this bad. The left half of his face was covered up with band-aid, but not enough to hide away the sight of how his skin had turned violet. Finn tried not to look shocked or repulsive. Not knowing what to say he said the first thing that came to his mind.

"So, how are you?" Finn immediately bit his lips and wanted to slap himself. "Uhm, sorry, stupid question."

"Hell, yeah, I've felt better", Kurt said with a faint smile.

Finn sat down in the chair next to Kurts bed. "Listen, I'm really, _really_ sorry, Kurt. I should have left with you. I shouldn't have let you go on your own. Even when you said you'd be okay, I should've insisted."

"It's not your fault, Finn." Kurt could see that his stepbrother felt responsible nevertheless. So he smiled at Finn, trying to cheer him up a little. "You know, I will never forget the day you came and rescued me from Karofsky all dressed up in a glaring red shower curtain. I just thought, oh my god, this is my hero! Not in the slightest ashamed to wear an awful outfit to come to my aid."

"Oh yeah, hell, I _was_ ashamed I can tell you!"

They both laughed at the memory, but then Kurt winced at the sudden fierce pain in his chest and suddenly it was hard to breathe.

"Hey, you okay?" Finn stood up and came closer. "Does it hurt?"

Kurt nodded, trying to steady his breathing.

"Should I get the nurse?" Finn sounded anxious.

"No", Kurt whispered. "Just stay with me for a sec."

He closed his eyes as he tried to regain control over his breathing abilities. Funny how you never appreciate your body functions until they give you a hard time. Kurt never would have thought breathing could be such a challenge.

Finn watched him with clear sorrow on his face. He felt helpless and awful. Not knowing what else to do to help, he took Kurts hand and squeezed it assuringly. Kurt opened his eyes in surprise and Finn smiled down at him. "You know, I just wish I could've been your hero two nights back, red shower curtain or no."

"No time for regrets, Finn", Kurt said under his breath and squeezed his hand back.

After a moment Kurt's breathing was back to normal again and he visibly relaxed.

"Have you heard something from Blaine?"

"Uh, no. I have tried to call him, but it seems he has a new phone or something. The number I have is no longer available. But Burt has called your school, so I guess your friends at Dalton should know what happened by now."

"When you talk to Blaine, please tell him I need to see him, okay?"

"Sure, no problem. I will tell him. How about someone else? Mercedes and the others might want to pay you a visit."

"No, I don't want them to see me like this. I know Mercedes would bawl her eyes out and I …", Kurt's voice trailed off and suddenly his eyes got heavy. "Gosh, I don't know what those pills were they gave me", he muttered, "but I feel so ..." He was asleep before he could finish the sentence. Finn hoped dearly what Kurt meant to say was _peaceful_, because anything else would be just unfair.

xxx xxx

"He has a serious concussion, two broken ribs and several ugly bruises, also in the face", Finn tried to sound matter-of-factly as he told his friends from New Directions about Kurts current state, but everyone could see how upset he really was.

"He was hit in the face?" Rachel exclaimed with pure shock of that kind of violence. She sat next to her boyfriend and held his hand tight. Now she looked desperate around at their friends. "Who would do this to him?"

Mercedes and Tina were holding hands and weeping, their faces red and tear-stained. Brittany was close to tears, too, and bit her nails.

"Yeah, who did this to him?", Puck inquired with clenched fists. "Just say a name and I'll be on my way with my baseball bat and an unstoppable fury!"

Finn blinked, surprised by Pucks offer. About a year ago Puck had been one of the guys in lead to shove Kurt into lockers and toss him into the dumpster. Today he was the first in line to start a fight in Kurt's defence. It seemed glee club had an influence after all.

"Kurt doesn't know who did this to him. But it was definitely someone who hates gays", Finn now told them. "The guy sprayed something at our door that says so much." Finn bit his lips and hurried to say: "But please don't ever tell Kurt about it, all of you! Burt made me swear not to tell him. There is no need to upset Kurt more than he already is about this."

His friends solemnly promised not to tell Kurt. Mercedes shook her head in disbelief and wiped at her eyes as even more tears were streaming down her face. "Can we go and see him in hospital?"

Finn made a face. "No, not right now. Sorry, but Kurt doesn't want to see anyone, at least, until he feels better."

"I just can't imagine anyone hating him that much", Artie now said with a frown. "Except maybe..."

"Yeah, Karofsky. It sounds just like what he'd do to him", Sam confirmed Arties thought.

"It wasn't Karofsky", Finn said with a helpless sigh. "Kurt didn't see the guys face, but he could say was that it was a tall white man, no teenager."

"He went to Dalton to run from bullying and then he is beaten up right on his doorstep? I've never heard of something like that happening in Lima before", Artie shook his head. "I just don't get it."

"People like Karofsky don't need a reason to beat someone up. They do it for fun. And being gay makes Kurt an attractive target", Santana said dryly. "Get this: Some guy coming from a New Year's Party, drunk, aggressive, and there Kurt walks by, all alone, no one else is on the street. Who could resist an opportunity to start the new year by beating some gay dude up?"

"No, something's wrong here", Finn shook his head. "It was no stranger. Kurt said the guy was waiting for him, hiding in the bushes next to our door, and he said Kurts name."

"Okay, so it definitely wasn't Karofsky, because Kurt would have recognised his voice", Rachel said, "and Karofsky wouldn't have asked if his name was Kurt Hummel."

Santana narrowed her eyes. "But, are you saying, someone might have sent that guy to your house on purpose? Maybe even paid him to beat Kurt up? Who'd do that? Who would make such an effort to get to Kurt?"

"So it could have been Karofsky after all!" Puck punched his fist into his hand. "He sent one of his buddies, someone who's not from our school."

"But since Kurt left McKinley, Karofsky's done with him. What reason could he still have to harass him?", Rachel asked.

"Well, no matter what reasons he has, at least Karofsky knew Kurt would spend New Year's with us at your place", Artie said with a low voice.

"How would he have known?", Finn inquired stunned.

"Well, actually, he asked", Sam admitted guiltily. "The day before Christmas break he overheard Artie and me talking about the party and asked in his sneering way if Kurt would be spending the night with the _other gays of the gay school_ and we told him, no, Kurt would be with us."

"So he knew Kurt would definitely be in town", Artie reasoned.

"This reminds me", Mercedes held her hand up to get attention. "I was telling Tina about how I went shopping with Kurt a few weeks back and suddenly Karofsky was standing behind us, having overheard our conversation and making silly comments."

"Yeah, right", Tina chimed in. "And he wanted to know what kind of _fancy_ _clothes_ Kurt had bought for himself."

"Wait. Karofsky asked for Kurts _clothes_?" Finn sounded incredible.

"Karofsky came to me yesterday and asked me about Rachel's party", Brittany now told them. "I told him it sucked. Then he asked me if Kurt had dressed up like a peacock again and I told him no, and he asked me to I describe Kurt's clothes to him, so I told him that Kurt had looked rather hot and it was a waste that he was gay, but then the goodlooking men always are gay, right?"

Everybody was staring at Brittany now.

"It's true, you know", Brittany went on. "Because gay guys know how to use the magic comb, but they won't tell anyone else. It's a secret. Right, Artie?"

"Ladies and gentlemen, will you please excuse me", Puck now said with a freaking creepy smile on his lips. "My baseball bat and me have an appointment with Karofsky."

"No, wait", Finn stopped him. "I'll have a word with him. If he has anything to do with what happened to Kurt, I will find out."

"We can back you up", Sam offered. "In case he refuses to cooperate."

"I'm not afraid of him!", Finn told them. "If he has messed with Kurt, he should be afraid of me!"

He headed out of the room, but turned again to address Mercedes: "Could you please try to contact Blaine, Mercedes? Maybe write him an e-mail? 'Cause the number I have is no longer available. And Kurt is worried, because he hasn't called yet."

"You mean, he still hasn't called Kurt?" Mercedes was stunned by this news. "Does he know what happened to him?"

Finn shrugged. "Burt has informed Dalton, but I dunno if the teachers tell the students why one of them is missing."

xxx xxx

When Burt returned home from another visit in the hospital, he looked over at the only house in the neighborhood he hadn't been yet. It was the one right across the street and that was most likely to have witnessed anything.

He had asked the police officer if he would go from door to door and ask if someone had seen something. When Mr Williams had answered that the police would just ask for witnesses via the local news, Burt had taken it on himself to pay each of his neighbors a visit. By now he had talked to anyone living in the street, but apparently all his neighbors had spend New Year's Eve either fast asleep or at the park festival, where he had been with Carole, too. No one has seen a tall stranger or a strange car in the street that night.

He saw that Mr Johnsons car was in the driveway, home at last, so Burt took the opportunity and hurried over the street and up onto the porch of the house. He rang the doorbell and instantly the black little but very noisy dog started barking in an aggressive way behind the door. He stepped back as Mr Johnson opened the door, holding his dog at the collar. "Ah, Mr Hummel, right?"

"Yes. Sorry to disturb you, Mr Johnson. Could I please talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure." The old man stepped outside and shoved his dog inside the house, closing the door in the nose of the dog, that was still barking crazily. "What can I do for you?"

"I don't know if you heard yet. My son had been attacked on New Year's Eve between midnight and one o'clock right in front of our house and I wondered if you had seen anybody ..."

"Your son?" Mr Johnson asked and sounded a bit confused. "Well, I heard in the news that a seventeen year old boy was attacked and hurt severly in our street, however it didn't occur to me they were talking about that little fag living in your house. But now it actually makes sense."

Burt looked at him stunned, not sure if he had heard right, while he felt his heart beating faster. No, he definitely hadn't imagined the insulting way Mr Johnson had just called his son a fag.

"So, you're saying that kid of yours got beaten up? No, haven't seen nothing, but if so, I might've applauded. Some people just deserve a good punch. And to tell the truth, I don't like that nose of your kid very much."

Burt was clenching his fists by now and inhaled deeply to calm himself and not respond with violence to the provoking way that man talked to him. "Nobody deserves to be beaten up. And we're talking about a grown-up man attacking my kid for no reason. My son has two broken ribs and he's..."

"Come on, broken bones? Back in the days I got my bones crushed in a football game and I was a hero. Those were injuries one was proud of. But then, you gotta be a real man to be able to stand up again and shake it off. I like to tell anyone how I'd gotten my bones crushed and won the game for my team. It's one of my best stories."

"But this is no game, Mr Johnson."

"You know what? You're right! This is not a game, this is how the world works, but obviously your kid lives in another dimension. You saying your kid's not old enough to receive a punch? But old enough to show the world what a fancy fag he is? If you really cared for your son, you would've beaten the gay out of him a long time ago. Best to learn the lesson from his own father than from a stranger, right? But I bet you're the kind of daddy who never raises a hand against their child, so they get the illusion they can walk about and do whatever they want without consequences."

Burt swallowed hard, before he replied to this speech of hatred. "Yes, my son is gay, and I won't tell you what a wonderful person he is, 'cause clearly my words would be lost on you. Do you have children? Because if you had, you wouldn't talk like this."

"If I had children, I wouldn't allow them to leave the house dressed up like a drag queen and stuck their nose so high in the air."

"You better watch your mouth, Mr Johnson, before you say something you might regret", Burt now growled at him.

"No, actually I haven't even started, Mr Hummel. Ever since you've moved into that house, that little fag's a pain for my eyes. I cannot sit peacefully on my front porch anymore without having to look at all those gays coming in and out of your house. It's disgusting."

"Just so you know, we live in a free country. If you cannot tolerate people who are different than you, I feel sorry for you. You are free to think of my family whatever you like. But", at this Burt raised his fist and glowered at the man, "if you should ever speak to my son and insult him, no matter how or why, I will be right back and give you another story to tell about some kid's furious father who broke your nose."

"Are you threatening me?", Mr Johnson asked with a challenging edge in his voice.

"Yes, indeed I am. Just keep your filthy mouth shut when my son is around and we'll get along."

xxx xxx

"What's wrong?" Carole asked the instant Burt entered the house and shut the door with a deafening bang.

"Don't ever speak a word again to that moron living across the street", Burt told her. "He's a worst case of homophobe! Just told me he'd have cheered if he had seen Kurt being beaten up!"

"No", Carole exclaimed. "That Mr Johnson? He seemed so nice when we moved in. He even helped me carrying some boxes."

"Well, carrying boxes can't make up to abusing a kid. You should've heard what he said about Kurt. He doesn't even know him, he just went on about Kurts clothes and made it sound like Kurt was a drag queen. I mean, sure, I know I'm used to Kurts outfits by now, and even though some of them are quite extraordinary none of them are this bad."

"Hush, baby." Carole stroked his arm. "I know it's hard, but just forget about whatever he said. We've got more important things to take care of now. Tell me, what did the doctor say today?"

"Kurt can come home by tomorrow." With a sigh he sat down on the couch.

"This is finally good news." Carole rubbed his back as she sat down next to him.

"He isn't well, though", Burt added with a frown. "I don't know if it's the meds, but when he's awake he's confused and moody."

"That is just normal. You can't expect him to be himself again after a couple of days. He didn't have time yet to cope with what happened at all."

Burt shook his head and rubbed his face, looking tired and exhausted. "He was all upset today when I came in. About that bracelet Blaine gave him."

And he told her.

Kurt was up and rummaged in the closet when Burt stepped into the room. "Hey kiddo, what are you doing up? You shouldn't be out of bed."

"Where is my bracelet?" Kurt had a wild look in his eyes as he turned to his father. "My bracelet is gone, dad, I can't find it anywhere!"

"Calm down, I have it here…" Burt fingered his shirt pocket and got the golden bracelet out.

"Why did you take it from me?" Kurt sounded angry, a tired kind of angry, and swayed over to him on bare feet.

"I didn't. The doctors did when you were treated. They gave me all properties you had on you."

"But now I can have it back, right?" Kurt held out an inquiring hand. Burt gave it to him with a concerned look. Kurt took the golden thing and inspected it as if expecting a piece of it to be missing.

"Now lay down again, will ya? You really shouldn't be up." He tried to usher his son back to bed, but Kurt resisted and looked at him with pleading eyes.

"I want to go home, dad. I feel much better already. Please, must I really stay here any longer? It's just, I don't feel ... safe." The last word came out as a whisper. For a moment they just stared at each other and Burt had to resist the overwhelming urge to pull Kurt into a tight hug and take him home at once. But as much as he wanted to, he couldn't do either thing. With his broken ribs a hug would be hurtful instead of comforting and the doctor who treated Kurt had made it very clear that the boy should be under medical observation for at least one or two days longer.

"You don't need to worry, Kurt", Burt tried to assure him. "No one can walk in without the nurse noticing. Also the staff has instructions to not tell anyone your room number without contacting me first."

"Yeah, right, no need to worry", Kurt replied sarcastically while his eyes showed his disappointment. "Who would possibly attack someone in a hospital? Well, who would attack someone right on their doorsteps for that matter? No need to take me home. I'm sorry to be such a bother for you."

"Kurt, come on! You know, you're not a bother to me! I'll take you home as soon as the doctor says you're ..."

Just then Kurts knees gave away and he practically fell into his fathers arms. "Steady, there." Burt caught him and directed him back to bed, making him lay down and wanting to call for the nurse, but Kurt held him back. "I'm fine, dad, just a bit weak on my legs from staying in bed all the time. You know, I can lie in bed at home, too."

"I just want what's best for you, you know that, don't you?", Burt said with a sigh.

Kurt nodded at this, but his eyes were so sad it nearly broke Burts heart. Then Kurt lifted his hand and opened it. In his palm lay the golden bracelet. "Can you help me put it on again? I want to wear it in case Blaine comes to see me."

"Sure, give me your hand." Although it took some time until he had closed that tiny lock with his thick fingers, at least this was something he could do for his son. "Before I forget, a friend of yours from Dalton has called and is on his way to see you."

"Who is it?" Kurt asked, although he knew it couldn't be Blaine, because his dad wouldn't have called Blaine simply "a friend of his".

"Someone called Reed?"

"Oh, yeah, he's my roomie. Why didn't you tell him he shouldn't come all the way to see me?"

"I did, actually, but he said he was on his way already. It is okay that I answer your phone, right?"

Kurt nodded. He wasn't allowed to have his phone in hospital, but he didn't want to speak to anyone yet anyway. Talking to Reed would be okay. However ... "Dad, could you make sure Reed's okay, when he arrives at the parking lot? You know, the underground garage of the hospital can be really scary and ... well ... Reed's gay, too. Well, undetermined at the time being, but the tendency goes to positive, I guess."

"Sure, no problem", Burt replied, trying to sound casual, as if escorting a gay teenager had not all of a sudden become a necessity. He made sure not to show it, but he shared the same fearful feelings. He had asked Mr Williams if some police officer could stand guard outside Kurts room as long as the boy needed to stay in hospital. But Mr Williams didn't think such an effort was needed, assuring Burt the guy who had attacked Kurt was unlikely to be sneaking into a hospital to finish what he started.

"I'm not risking my son's life on your opinion that another attack is _unlikely_", Burt had growled at the man.

"Most offenders are cowards, Mr Hummel. They like to attack a victim that is weaker and no match to themselves and they don't like witnesses. I would assume your son's attacker is no longer interested in him at all, unless you tell me your son has a stalker, who has threatened him before?"

A fleeting second Burt had thought of Dave Karofsky then, but Kurt would clearly have recognised the boy, so he had shaken his head. However he was angry with Mr Williams. Apparently he just didn't want to supply an officer to watch out for Kurts safety day and night.

The first 48 hours Burt hadn't left Kurt's side anyway. He had slept in a chair in front of the door at night. If anybody would've entered the room the door would have banged against the chair and woken him up. Kurt hadn't seen him doing so, because the boy had slumbered the last two days away due to the strong pain meds he was given. But then Carole had reminded him that he needed to take care of himself, too. Stuff like showering and shaving and eating. And then he had been on his mission to talk to all his neighbors. And to add one more thing to his stressful to-do-list, he needed to check on the garage. Jeremy, his help at the garage, had taken care of everything so far, but he couldn't expect him to do so for a whole week. After all, life went on mercilessly, even though right now for him it felt like the world had stopped turning.

Burt squeezed his wife's hand. "I'm heading right back to the hospital. I just wanted to check on you and the house."

"Don't worry, the house and me are just fine", Carole assured him. "You're staying for the night again?" Her voice was soft and understanding. Burt would never mistake her question as a sign of disapproving. He nodded at her. "Anything if it makes him feel safer."

Carole kissed his temple and smiled encouragingly at him, even though he could see his own sorrow mirrored in her eyes.

"Well, I better go. A friend of Kurt from Dalton is coming to see him and I want to make sure... well, I just want to be there."

"Just call me, if you need me, love. Anytime. I love you."

"Not as much as I love you." Burt kissed her, before he left.

xxx xxx

Finn decided to calm down before he confronted Karofsky. It wouldn't be wise to just burst out at him. He needed to approach him carefully. So he waited until after school and made it look like he accidently bumped into him on his way to the parking lot.

"Hey, there. Happy new year", he said with a nod.

"Yeah, happy new", Karofsky returned.

"Well, not so happy on this end", Finn sighed.

Karofsky gave him a sideway look. "What? Girlfriend-trouble?"

"No, no!" Finn turned to Karofsky with mock-surprise. "Haven't you heard about what happened to Kurt at New Year's?"

"What? He turned into a girl at midnight and lost a glass shoe?" Karofsky laughed.

"No, he was beaten up." Finn looked directly at Karofsky and didn't miss how his face changed. What was that expression? Shock? Concern? No, couldn't be.

"And how is he?", Karofsky asked rather casually, but he had stopped walking and met Finn's eyes, obviously interested for the answer.

"Bad. Pretty bad. He's still in hospital."

"Who did it?", Karofsky asked through his teeth, looking around the parking lot. Was he afraid somebody might overhear this conversation? Finn narrowed his eyes at him. Did Karofsky really clench his fists?

"I don't know, I thought maybe you could tell me", Finn said challenging.

Karofsky turned to him and made an indifferent face. "It wasn't me if you're asking that."

"So, if it wasn't you personally, then maybe you set someone up on him."

"Geez, keep your imagination down, will you? What kind of monster do you think I am?"

"Monster enough to scare Kurt away from this school. Monster enough to threaten to kill him!"

"Yeah, I get your drift, Hudson." Karofsky put his cool face on again. "But it wasn't me. I wouldn't hurt him." At Finns incredible stare, he added, "At least not like this."

"And you expect me to believe you?"

"Hell, yeah. I've gotten into trouble because of him once, I don't want that to happen twice. He's not worth it." Karofsky shook his head, looking at Finn in an arrogant way.

"And why have you been asking for him over the past weeks? My friends told me so. Sounds like you're missing him."

"Missing him?" Karofsky laughed at this. "All I miss is the fun I had with him! He was quite entertaining, seeing his freaky clothes every day, yeah, that kinda made my day, man! So what if I ask around what freak show he is up to nowadays? It's gotten boring at school since that little fashion queen is gone. Makes me almost regret I've scared him away."

Finn didn't know what to respond and just gaped at Karofsky.

"So, can I go now? Interrogation's over?" Karofsky punched Finns shoulder like they were friends. "Say hello to the little one, will ya? I would bring him some flowers, but I don't like hospitals very much and I'm not sure he'd truly appreciate it if I paid him a visit."

With this Karofsky casually strolled away. Finn gritted his teeth, but let him go. He believed that Karofsky's reaction to hearing that Kurt had been attacked was genuine. No, Karofsky didn't know anything about it. But something about the way Karofsky talked about Kurt seemed odd. Finn just didn't know what to make of it.

When Finn reached his own car, suddenly Jacob was by his side. The curly head boy eagerly grabbed the sleeve of Finn's jacket. "Hey Hudson, you're interested in Karofsky?" Jacob pushed his glasses up his nose and blinked excitedly at the bigger boy.

"What?" Finn inquired baffled.

"I saw you talking to him."

"Get lost, Jacob!" Finn turned away from the annoying boy who sold his soul for a good story on his blog.

"No, wait! I have some information on Karofsky you might be interested in."

"I'm not interested in Karofsky."

"Oh well, I thought you might want to hear this, I mean, since you're Kurt Hummels stepbrother that is."

At this Finn turned around. "Okay, I'm listening. What is it?

"No, no, no, this information is not for free. And it's not cheap either. If Karofsky finds out I told you, I'm dead. Deader than dead. Really dead. Awful damned dead."

Finn rolled his eyes. "I understand. So what do you want?"

"Well, the only thing worth to risk my life for is … Rachel Berry's undies. I thought _you_ might be able to get me some of those."

"Forget it!" Finn shouted at him in disgust.

"No, no, no, please! I swear to you, my information is valuable."

Finn considered this for a second. "Give me a hint."

"Okay, alright, just so you know I'm an honourable journalist I will give you a hint. My information is about something I provided Karofsky with on a regular basis over the last year. You want to know what, you bring me Rachel's undies and bra. Worn! The red pair, if possible."

Finn narrowed his eyes. "How do you know Rachel has a red pair of bra and undies?"

At this Jacob suddenly fidgeted. "Uhm, how about I _don't_ have a camera in the girl's locker room?"

"Geez, Jacob, you're sick!"

"Maybe", Jacob replied with a shrug and a grin. "But remember: worn! At least a whole day long."

xxx xxx

"Hi Kurt, can I come in?" A strawberry-blond boy stuck his head through the door.

"Reed! Sure you can." Kurt smiled faintly at his friend who came in and instantly stumbled over his own feet. With an ugly bang he fell faceforward down on the floor. Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes at his friend's clumsiness. "Reed? Have you hurt yourself?"

"Uh, no, nothing happened. I'm fine!", Reed assured him as he scrambled up to his feet again and brushed his clothes off.

"Watch your feet or else you'll end up in a bed next to me."

"No, no, I'm fine, really! You know I just have two left feet and ... oh my!" Reed stopped in front of Kurts bed and stared at him. Kurt noticed how Reed's expression changed when his eyes fell on Kurt's face, well, the left side of his face. Instantly Reed's brown kind eyes were brimming with tears and he put a hand over his mouth. "Oh, Kurt, I'm so sorry! I just can't believe this happened to you on New Year's Eve!"

"Does it make a difference _when_ someone is beaten up?", Kurt couldn't stop himself asking.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Please, stop apologising, Reed. And don't you dare crying!" Kurt warned him as Reed already wiped at his eyes. "If you start, I'm gonna start, too, and I can't, because right now sobbing is very painful for me." Kurt gestured to his chest and Reed nodded gravely.

"I'm sorry, Kurt, I promise I won't cry!" Reed held his left hand up and put the right one on his heart, ready to swear an oath if necessary.

Kurt sighed and smiled at his friend. "I'm glad you came, but you shouldn't have come all the way by yourself."

"Oh I didn't. David and Wes came along to keep me company and I think to watch over me? They're worried there might be a serial offender on the loose in Lima. So they're with me, but your dad didn't allow all three of us to storm in on you, so they're waiting outside and talk to your dad, while I see you."

Kurt was relieved to hear that Reed wasn't alone, but he didn't say so. He made a mental note however to thank Wes and David properly for being such caring sweethearts.

"Anyway, thanks for coming all the way to see me, Reed."

"Anytime", Reed replied with a kind smile, but then he went pale and stammered: "That doesn't mean I want you to be in hospital anytime again! No, I don't want you to be in hospital at all, never! I just meant I would come see you if you were, but hopefully you'll never need to again, never ever, and ..."

"It's okay, Reed, I know how you meant it", Kurt interrupted his ramble. "So, what about Blaine? Does he know I'm in hospital? I would've loved to see him, too."

Immediately Reed's face went even a whiter shade of pale. "Oh, right, you don't know yet...", he whispered.

At the sight of Reed's horrified face, Kurt's heart started pumping in panic. "What is it?"

Reed hesitated and shook his head. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you. I mean, you're sick and everything and I don't want to upset you."

"Just tell me, Reed, please. What about Blaine?" Kurt urged him on while his fingers clutched the sheets.

"Well, David and Wes and I were wondering where you and Blaine were, because usually both of you would return to the dorm the day before school starts. Then we noticed two men in Blaines room, with big moving boxes, they packed all his stuff. Everything Blaine owned is gone, his room is completely empty now, except for the bed and the desk."

"Why would they do that?", Kurt asked, though fearing the answer. Usually when someone's room was emptied, wouldn't it mean that the occupant was ... dead? No, no, no, this couldn't be. Kurt was swallowed hard, dreading and needing to hear what Reed had to say.

Reed was fidgeting and avoiding Kurts intense stare. He had to clear his throat before he went on. "We were asking them what that was all about. They wouldn't tell us, so we went to the principal's office. At first he wouldn't tell us either, but we insisted and wouldn't leave, until he finally told us why you and Blaine weren't back. Oh Kurt, when we heard you were in a hospital we were all so upset. And don't be angry with us, but we stalked the principal until he told us, _why_ you were in a hospital. And this is so dreadful. I still cannot believe this really happened to you. David and Wes and all of the other boys send their regards by the way. We're all with you!"

"What about _Blaine_, Reed?", Kurt asked him again, his patience growing thin.

"Oh right, sorry! Now, Kurt, prepare for something really bad. Gosh, I wish I wasn't the one to pass these news to you." Reed inhaled deeply before passing on the bad news. "Blaine has transfered to another school. He won't come back to Dalton."

Kurt didn't know what to say. He just shook his head in denial. Okay, this was better news than what he'd dreaded. But still bad enough. Why would Blaine change schools all of a sudden and without any explanation whatsoever?

"And Shane doesn't answer to any of my emails or text messages. Looks like he's got a new phone. The number of his old one is no longer available. He just stopped seeing me without a word." Now Reed really started crying, but turned away and said over and over again: "I'm sorry, I'm not crying, sorry, Kurt, I'm not crying, sorry!"

"Just like Blaine...", Kurt murmured, trying to think, but his head was swimming.

"Well", Reed continued and hastily wiped away the tears that fell down his cheeks. "At least Shane hasn't changed schools. He is still at the same school, it is just Blaine who transfered to another private school. I emailed with one of Shane's school mates and he told me, that Shane is acting different since he got back from Christmas break. He wouldn't talk about what he did on Hawaii or else during the holidays and he wouldn't talk about anything else much either. I asked him to tell Shane he should contact me and I gave him my number in case Shane has lost it. He promised me he would tell him. But Shane hasn't called me yet."

Again there it was, this strange feeling. Something was wrong here.

Blaines younger brother was crazy about Reed. He wouldn't just let him down like this. Neither would Blaine. There was no apparent reason why Blaine should change schools in the middle of semester.

"I guess we'll just have to wait for Blaine to contact us sooner or later", Reed said, still sobbing. "There is nothing else we can do."

Kurt nodded at this calmly, while everthing inside of him was in a turmoil. There was nothing they could do except wait for Blaine or Shane to contact them? Oh, how he hated to be waiting for something!

xxx xxx

**Next chapter:** Kurt finally gets to leave hospital. But his condition gets worse and his worry over Blaine is killing him. Meanwhile, Finn is on his mission to get Rachel's undies.

Please, please R&R! Your reviews really mean a lot to me! :)


	5. Alone

**Author's Note: **I do not own Glee or any of the songs or any of the characters, but I heart them so much. Thank you so much for your reviews for my last chapters! I really appreciate your feedback, so please always let me know what you're thinking! :)

I'm really, really sorry it took me so long to write this chapter. I hope you forgive me. I guess I haven't mentioned before that I am not an English native speaker, so it takes me a while to find the right words. If you stumble over grammatical mistakes or wrong expressions, please don't hesitate to tell me so. I'll try my best to correct any misunderstandings. Maybe I should find me a beta reader…

BTW, I desperately need you to help me and answer one very important question I keep wondering over for weeks now: What is Blaine's/Darren's eye color? On some pictures it looks like green, then again I think it's brown. I'd be very grateful for your help on this matter!

Okay, I hope you like the next chapter, even though I'm letting Kurt suffer this much.

**Please R&R!**

xxx xxx xxx

Burt was happy when Kurt finally could leave the hospital. He knew his son hated hospitals as much as he did, so it was a relief for both of them to have Kurt returning home. The boy had to wear bandages around the chest to steady his ribs and he wasn't allowed to do sports or any straining activities.

What troubled Burt the most was that Kurt had to take a large amount of painkillers as those broken ribs apparently caused him a great deal of pain. Burt was no fan of pills and he didn't trust in any kind of drugs, but the doctors told him to leave Kurt unmedicated would only lead for him to accustom to a relieving posture which would then lead to a permanent malposition. Even sneezing and laughing was very painful for the boy.

He had helped Kurt getting dressed into an oversized sweater and jogging pants, because they were easy to put on. No way would he have gotten into those skinny jeans he loved to wear. Although Kurt complained about the awful clothes, he didn't hesitate to put them on, if it only meant getting away from the place. He put large sunglasses on and one of Burt's caps, as he didn't want to be recognized in the streets.

They drove straight home and Burt parked in the driveway of their house, telling Kurt to wait until he went around the car and helped him out. Kurt was stubborn and even worse so when it came to have to accept any kind of help. His father knew that and was determined to not let Kurt get away with wanting to deal with his injuries on his own. Right now he needed help and he would get it, if he accepted it or not.

It was late afternoon when they arrived home. Carole had just gotten home from work as well and told them she would prepare dinner early, so Kurt could get to bed early. "Laying down and sleep, hurray!", Kurt mock-cheered. "Anyone want to join me in the most thrilling leisure time activity?"

"I would love it if I could skip school and sleep the day away", Finn admitted with a grin.

"Why is this so easy to believe?" Kurt teased him. Then he turned to his mother. "Look, I don't want to cause you any extra trouble, Carole. There's no need to change your schedule because of me."

Carole waved it away with a smile. "No trouble at all. And you know how hungry Finn always is, he can eat at any time."

"That's true", Finn acknowledged.

"Alright then", Kurt said with a sigh. "I'll go check on my room and you can call me when dinner's ready?"

"Let me help you." Burt offered his hand when Kurt headed for the stairs.

"I can climb some stairs by myself", Kurt simply stated.

"Now let me help you get upstairs", Burt prompted and already had a grip at Kurt's elbow, but Kurt shrugged him off with his best teenage sulking impression. "Geez, just leave me alone, will ya?" Burt knew when his son forgot how to articulate, he was truly in a bad mood and pushing him into unwanted help didn't help him at all.

They stared at each other for a moment and it was in this moment that Burt understood that all that was left for Kurt was his dignity and who was he to take that away from him? He shouldn't act like the boy was absolutely helpless on his own. Right now his job was to stand by and watch over him. So Burt retreated with a nod. "Sure, just call me when you need me, 'kay?"

Kurt nodded gratefully. "Thanks." So he went upstairs by himself, however when he reached the top, he was exhausted and dizzy and almost drenched in sweat. Of course, he would never admit that to his dad.

He opened the door to his room and instantly had a most surreal feeling. Like this wasn't his room anymore. Like the person who used to inhabit these four walls didn't exist anymore. He was an intruder in the privacy of someone, who he thought he knew, but now he wasn't so sure anymore.

He crossed his room slowly, fighting this disturbing feeling down. Of course he wasn't his usual cheery optimistic self right now. Nobody could blame him for that. So why not starting to get back to himself again by doing something he was used to doing?

First thing, he took those horrible clothes off and went into his bathroom. He would have loved to take a shower, but he still felt dizzy and didn't want to faint and be found all naked in the shower cubicle. So he washed himself at the basin and quickly washed his hair under the faucet. After spending several days mostly unconscious in a hospital bed and not being allowed to shower, he felt filthy and gross.

He felt much better when he finally changed into his beloved nightblue silk pajamas and sat down in front of his mirror, laying his phone closeby at the table. The left side of his face was still covered in band-aid. He looked like the Phantom of the Opera, hiding away from the world. Didn't the phantom wear a mask to hide his scars? Who had scarred him and how? Kurt couldn't remember, but then it wasn't one of his favourite musicals anyway.

He took a shuttering breath before he slowly pulled the band-aid off, biting his lips and trying to ignore the pain. Carefully he touched the sensitive blue skin with his fingertips and flinched from the pain caused by the slightest touch. It was the first time he saw the bruises and for a long time he just stared at his damaged face. To look at his wretched image felt like looking at some stranger, but not himself. Especially the tears building up in those miserable eyes couldn't be his.

Kurt closed his eyes. No, he didn't allow himself any self-pity, no tears on his own account. All he could do for himself now was damage control. His bruises would heal, he'd be okay. So, he told himself to focus on more important matters at hand.

His gaze shifted to his phone, which was so silent for so long now, except for occasional texts by Mercedes and Tina to which he didn't reply. He didn't feel like communicating with the outside world just yet. Everything he would say would be a lie anyway. He didn't want to tell them how awful he felt, but he couldn't say he was fine either. So he figured it was best if he said nothing at all.

He wondered if that was the same strategy Blaine used for himself. Did he feel miserable, too, wherever he was right now? Did he want to call but couldn't, because he felt ashamed or guilty about something? Had he even read all the texts Kurt had sent him since the day they said goodbye to each other? Had he listened to his voicemails? Maybe not. When he now tried to call him, there was a voice telling him the number was no longer available. Why did Blaine give his phone away? Or was it taken from him by someone? What if someone else had read all his miss-you-like-hell texts? Someone who wasn't so fond of reading something like that? Like Blaine's father? For a brief moment Kurt even wondered if the attack on him had anything to do with Blaine's silence.

He took his phone between his folded hands and closed his eyes again. Although he didn't believe in God, he started praying to whatever was out there, to all guardian angels, to any entity that may hear him. _Please don't let anything have happened to Blaine. Please let him be okay! Please, just please!_

After a while he started praying directly to Blaine. _Please call me, Blaine Warbler. Call me now! Tell me you're okay. You don't need to explain anything to me, I don't need any excuses, just tell me you are alright and that you still believe in us, tell me _Klaine_ is still the only truth for you. That's all I need to hear. Call me, Blaine, call me! _He opened his eyes and stared at his phone, but it was just a lifeless thing in his hands and couldn't give him the answers he sought for.

He took a long time to chose between his different types of moisturizer. He needed something to cool the pain and cover up the ugly purple color. When he had finished, the swollen bruises were still visible like a bright lamp in the darkest night. With a sigh he stood and went to his closet. He selected several light scarves to drape them around his full-length mirror in his bedroom and the make-up mirror in his bathroom.

Then he lay down on his bed and closed his eyes, just to rest for a second, but he must have drifted off, because he overheard the knock at the door and jerked awake, when he felt a hand on his shoulder shaking him softly. Finn was leaning over him. "Sorry to wake you, but dinner's ready."

"I didn't sleep", Kurt said. "I just closed my eyes for a sec." A glance at his wall clock told him this second had lasted over an hour. With a sigh he got up and followed Finn out of the room. It was just when he noticed how Finn and his parents looked at him with forced smiles and obviously tried not to stare at him that he realized that he had taken the band-aid off and how awkward it must be to look at him.

"I can lend you some of my face powder tomorrow, if you like", Carole offered him, attempting to sound casual, as if sharing out make-up to cover up bruises was every day business to her. Kurt just nodded as he suddenly felt a lump in his throat.

He sat down at the dinner table. Burt sat at the head of the table and the boys across from each other. Carole placed plates and bowls with delicious smelling food on the table. "Please, help yourselves." Burt and Finn immediately reached out for the goodies.

Kurt was hungry, but it was just when he saw the food in front of him, that he realized he couldn't eat. Just the thought of putting something into his mouth caused him to choke. He put a hand over his mouth and looked apologetically at his mother. "I'm sorry, Carole, but I don't feel well. I really can't eat any of this."

"Oh, okay, but you must eat something, at least a bit. Would you rather have some toast then?"

Kurt wanted to say no, but he knew how his parents would worry over him if he refused to eat, so he tried another strategy. He nodded and gave her a weak smile. "I think toast would be okay. Is it okay if I make myself some and eat it in my room?"

Carole didn't look happy about it, but smiled at him anyway. "Sure, honey."

"But stay with us for as long as we eat, okay?", Burt asked. "We don't get to share a family meal that often anymore since you're at Dalton." Kurt nodded again with another faint smile for his father.

They made some small talk until Carole started talking about more important subjects. "So, have you talked to Mr Williams again today?" Carole addressed her husband. "Does he have any clue on who attacked Kurt yet?" Then she looked quickly at Kurt. "Mr Williams is the police officer who's in charge of your case."

"I know", Kurt replied although what he really meant to say was, I don't care. And he didn't want to be a _case_ on the coffee stained desk of some bored police officer.

"No news", Burt stated, sounding angry with the man. "Looks like they're doing nothing to me. When I called him, he didn't even remember who I was for an instant. I can't imagine the police in Lima to be so busy that they don't move heaven and earth to find the bastard. What could there be more important to do in this town? As far as I can tell all they have to do is passing out parking tickets."

"Who cares who did it?", Kurt murmured and the others looked at him.

"I care", Finn said at once.

"Me, too. I want that guy in prison!" Burt declared.

"The truth is it's never about the offender", Kurt said without looking up. He kept his eyes on the napkin that he was keeping his hands busy folding like he was attempting to do origami. "It's always about who's the victim. If people hear a gay has been beaten up, nobody is interested in who did it, because it clearly was the gay's fault anyway. Even if they catch the guy and ask him why he did it, he'll say, _man, the fag looked at me!_ And everybody will say, _dude, that's disgusting, I would've punched him, too, if he had looked at me. Hey gay dude, just stop being gay and nobody will mess with you._"

"Kurt, that's rubbish", Finn said calmly.

"Is it?" Now Kurt looked up and nailed his stepbrother with his eyes. "Didn't you say so yourself? Sam told me how you had practically begged him not to sing with me, because I was gay. You said to him you don't have a problem with gays, but everyone else has and we live in their world and therefore have to play by their rules."

"I didn't say it like that, I think", Finn replied, feeling defensive.

"You didn't want Sam to sing with me, because you thought he'd get beaten up if he did"; Kurt said matter-of-factly, "because that's the way it is. The gays get beaten up just for being gay. And I remember well enough how much you hated me, when I used to have a crush on you. As if I had a disease and you feared you'd get infected."

Finn nearly choked on his apple juice. "That's not true!", he protested. "I _never_ hated you, Kurt. I was just annoyed that you didn't understand that no means no."

"If a girl told you she liked you, you'd be flattered."

Finn shook his head. "Actually no, I'd feel utterly uncomfortable, because it's always awkward when you have to reject somebody, no matter if it is a girl or a boy. Yeah, I admit, I didn't know how to deal with you, when you told me you were in love with me, but I never hated or avoided you and ..."

"I _never_ said I was in love with you!" Kurt made a fist and crushed his decorative folded napkin into a ball. "It was just a stupid little crush!"

"Finn! Kurt!", Carole interruped. "I know we're all worked up by all this, but we shouldn't fight each other."

"Yeah, both of you, calm down", Burt added with a concerned look. "And Kurt, I don't think it was Finns intention to insult you."

"You're right", Kurt admitted. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, too", Finn murmured.

"May I please be excused? I feel tired." Kurt got up and Carole rose as well. "Come with me. I'll make you some toast."

"Thanks", Kurt mumbled and followed her into the kitchen. After a few minutes Kurt was on his way upstairs and Carole returned to the table. It was then that Burt let his guard down and put his face in his hands. "What am I supposed to do? How can I help him?", he asked his wife and stepson with a desperate look on his face. "He sounds so defeated."

"Don't worry about him. Kurt is strong", Finn assured him. "Really. He has balls! Since I know him he has never stepped one step aside from who he was. He'd do everything his way or not at all. He wanted to try out for kicker on the football team and he wanted his music to be played during the game. I told him, _what's wrong with you? If we do it your way, they'll kill you_, and he simply said: _I'm doing this, I'm doing it my way_. For a moment there, I was really scared for him. I just thought, why can't he see they'll hate him for being different, for doing things differently. Why can't he at least _try_ to fit in? But then he was amazing! The way he kicked the ball, woah, he was the best kicker I've ever seen and we won the game, because of him. It made me kinda realize that sometimes you must do things in a different way."

"Sometimes", Burt said with a grunt. "But sometimes one should stay out of troubles way and stay safe."

"I don't say what happened wasn't bad, like real bad! I'm just saying that Kurt won't let it get to him", Finn continued his praise. "He's good at letting stuff like that roll off his back. You should've seen the way he always climbed out of the dumpster, brushing off his clothes and demanding his stuff back like a diva. All the other kids who get tossed are close to tears and hunch away as soon as they can. Kurt however was – in lack of another word – _glorious._ He just glared at the jocks and moved on."

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Burt asked with a frown.

"Oh, you didn't know about that?" Finn made a face. "Sorry. I figured he would've told you."

"Are you saying Kurt got thrown into the school dumpster by other students?", Carole asked stunned. "On a daily basis?"

"Yeah, so he's used to having a tough time, that's what I'm trying to tell you."

"And you think being used to it makes it any easier?" Carole fired back, astonished.

"When was this?", Burt demanded, obviously upset by this news. "The incidents with the dumpster?"

"Before we joined glee club", Finn said with a shrug. "I used to hold his jacket or his bag when the boys grabbed him again."

"Why didn't you stop them?" Carole asked and looked at him as if she didn't know who he was anymore. Finn shrugged again, lost for excuses. "Because this is how the school rules! The jocks humiliate the nerds, the geeks, the losers. I don't like the system, but we're all a part of it. And I swear I never tossed him, I just held his stuff."

"And watched", Carole added with a disapproving shake of her head.

"I couldn't have stopped them!" Finn explained. "I would've ended up in the trash next to him! And I didn't even know him back then. I just knew he was ..." Finn stopped himself and bit his lips, before finishing, "different." He stuck his fork into a piece of meat. "And like I said I kinda admired him for his attitude."

They left it at that and finished dinner in a disturbing silence.

xxx xxx xxx

Kurt sat down on his bed with the plate on his lap. He stared at the toast on it and tried to imagine putting it into his mouth. He couldn't. Immediately his throat felt swollen and he choked. He couldn't remember having eaten at the hospital. But then he remembered they had given him drip-feeding. They had brought him tablets with food, too, but didn't complain when he left it untouched. They prompted him to drink a lot of water though and were content when he did. Now he looked at the toast miserably. What should he do with it?

With a sigh he went to his bathroom and flushed the toast down the toilet. What a waste. But better this way than putting it in the fridge and have his family find it. No need for his parents to worry over him not eating. He put the emptied plate on his desk and paced his room. He didn't want to lay down. His sides hurt and laying down would only make it worse.

A knock at his door made him look up. Finn came in, his hands deep in his pockets. "Can I talk to you?"

"Does it look like I could run away?"

"You could kick me out."

"As if I was a match to you, if you wanted to stay."

"Well, actually you are quite scary when you're furious." Finn tried to melt Kurt's armor with a lopsided smile. "And I don't dare fighting with you, so could you please hear me out?"

Kurt leaned against his desk and crossed his arms. "What is it you want to say?"

"For a start that I'm sorry for what I said earlier."

"Yes, me too", Kurt apologized. "I'm sorry I lashed out at you in front of our parents. I shouldn't have done that."

Finn sat down at the end of Kurt's bed and rubbed his knees. He seemed to be nervous. "You know, when we fought at the table I remembered that you actually did say you love me once." He cracked a smile and looked up at Kurt, who just frowned at him.

"Do you remember, when we were doing ballads for glee club and you helped me sing a song to what I thought was my unborn baby girl? We were talking about honesty and how it was good to have no more secrets, and somehow our conversation got mixed up and I had asked you what song you wanted to do and you said _I honestly love you_."

Now Finn folded his hands like he was praying for courage. When he continued he talked real fast, as if willing the words out. "I pretended like I thought that was a song, but to be honest I understood quite well that you were confessing your love to me. I just didn't know how to react and I'm sorry I never ..."

"Actually it is a song by Olivia Newton-John", Kurt interrupted him and Finn looked at him dumbfounded. "Oh", he managed at last. "Then I guess all this time I was wrong thinking you …"

"I looked it up afterwards", Kurt admitted with a shrug. "I was embarrassed that I had told you how I felt and I figured it would be safer if I could say it really was a song I wanted to do. So with a little help of google search I found this song by Olivia Newton-John and it actually is quite a sweet song. I was thinking about singing it to you back then. But then there never was the right time to do so and eventually I'd forgotten all about it."

"Why don't you sing it now?" Finn suggested with that cute smile of his.

"You want me to sing a love song to you?", Kurt asked baffled and arched his eyebrows at him.

"Why not? I know I never appreciated it much, but now I realized I must be some cool stud, if I was ever worth your love." Finn shot that wide-open grin at Kurt and his brother just shook his head with a smirk. "Boy, don't you get bigheaded!"

"And you know", Finn continued with a tender smile, "I love you, Kurt. We're brothers now. I don't want any awkwardness between us anymore. The way you lashed out at me at dinner was really bad. I don't want you to think I'm someone I'm not. Can't you just forgive me for all my past mistakes?"

Kurt didn't know why his heart starting pounding the way it did when Finn told him he loved him – in a brotherly way. "I am still short of breath, so I can't sing it the way I would like to", he explained and then added with a roll of his eyes, "but then it's just a simple pop song and nothing you need a big voice for."

Kurt closed his eyes for a moment, trying to imagine this was a year back when all his dreams had involved that gorgeous Finn Hudson and he had sung this song softly to himself each night for rehearsal when he had lain in bed and wished for this moment to happen. Today there was just a glimmer of that intense feeling left, his heart definitely didn't belong to Finn anymore. He started to sing in a low voice, that was just a ghost of his usually high singing voice.

"Maybe I hang around here  
>A little more than I should<br>We both know I got somewhere else to go  
>But I got something to tell you<br>That I never thought I would  
>But I believe you really ought to know<p>

I love you

I honestly love you

You don't have to answer  
>I see it in your eyes<br>Maybe it was better left unsaid  
>But this is pure and simple<br>And you should realize  
>That it's coming from my heart and not my head<p>

I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable  
>I'm not trying to make you anything at all<br>But this feeling doesn't come along everyday  
>And you shouldn't blow the chance<br>When you've got the chance to say

I love you  
>I honestly love you<p>

If we both were born  
>In another place and time<br>This moment might be ending in a kiss  
>But there you are with yours<br>And here I am with mine  
>So I guess we'll just be leaving it at this."<p>

"You're right, it really is sweet", Finn commented.

"No, actually it's rather cheesy", Kurt said and rolled his eyes. "But I guess when you're in love you fall for cheesy stuff like this. Listen, I never expected you to fall in love with me back then, but I really liked you and there is always that little spark of hope. I dreamed about being the one you turned to when things got messy with Quinn and you'd cry at my shoulder and I would comfort you. That was the closest I ever expected to get to you."

"Isn't it funny how uncomfortable one can feel when someone confesses their love, but you totally get it when someone says they hate you?", Finn mused.

"I guess, it's because most of the time you hate yourself for every mistake you make, for every flaw you have. You just don't see how anybody should fall in love with you just the way you are. It's easier to imagine people hating you as much as you hate yourself."

"I don't hate myself." Finn narrowed his eyes at him. "Do you?"

Kurt expelled a short breath. "Finn, I appreciate your need to make amends, but we really don't need to talk about this. I'm sorry for saying you hated me, I know you didn't. Right now I have other things to worry about than the past." At this Kurt paused and gulped. "Blaine has changed schools. He won't be back at Dalton." Kurt bit his lips to stop himself from losing it. He wondered if Finn could even grasp the emotional impact of the news. His stepbrother just stared at him for what seemed like an eternity before he reacted. "Why would he do that?"

"Yeah, why? That's the big question here, Finn. I would ask him myself, if I could. But it looks like he has started a whole new life and left everything else behind."

"Nah, he wouldn't do that", Finn tried to assure him, but didn't sound very convinced himself.

"If you don't mind, I would like to be alone now." Kurt dismissed his brother. Finn stood and went to leave, but lingered at the threshold. "Just want you to know that you can call on me anytime."

"Thanks", Kurt replied with a voice that was no more than a whisper. He felt strangely relieved when Finn closed the door and he was alone again. With a groan he rubbed his temple – the good side – and felt so tired. What the hell was he doing here? Singing stupid love songs to his stepbrother? It made him almost feel like cheating on Blaine.

Blaine Anderson. Just thinking of him made Kurt want to cry. What had he done to deserve this silence? Was there no way that Blaine could at least send him a message? Right now Kurt wanted to breakdown and cry his heart out, he wanted to rage and scream, he wanted Blaine to finally call and tell him what's going on. Every passing minute of continued silence just made it worse and in his imagination Blaine stepped further out of reach with the ticking of the clock.

With the worst headache ever he lay down on the mattress, not even bothering to slide under the sheets, and continued the prayer in his head.

_Please, call me, please, tell me you're okay._

xxx xxx xxx xxx

In the middle of the night Burt lay awake, not able to find sleep. He just couldn't stop the thoughts running through his head. So much had happened lately and he still couldn't grasp any of it. The assault on Kurt on New Year's Eve was hard to cope with, but he hoped his son would get better soon now that he was home. He tried to imagine how Kurt must be feeling. All this was absolutely horrifying for him, so he couldn't imagine how much worse it must be for Kurt.

Burt had never heard him talk the way he had talked at the dinner table. So defeated and hopeless and at the same time so angry with the world. It made him think of what Mr Johnson had said. How provocative Kurt's outfits were and how his out-and-proud attitude got on the nerves of some people. Maybe Kurt should keep it low, not step back into the closet, but not being too obvious either. But then, why should Kurt change? It's like Finn had pointed out, sometimes the world needed people who were different. But why must it treat those people so harsh?

He remembered when Kurt had teached him and Finn how to dance at school and that Karofsky-kid went by. It was the first time he had heard about Kurt being harassed, even worse, being bullied by this damned football jock. Ever since he asked himself why he hadn't noticed before? Why hadn't he seen how frightened Kurt had been. Yes, Kurt was good when it came to hiding his true feelings, but he was his father, he knew his son and he could see it, when something was wrong with him. At least, that's what he had thought until that day. But he had not seen the pain Kurt endured caused by bullying and being threatened. Sure, Kurt hadn't told him, but it was his job to _see_ it when Kurt was having a hard time.

And then tonight Finn had talked about Kurt being tossed into dumpsters like it was common knowledge. Why had Kurt never told him that before? What else was Kurt hiding from him? Not telling him? Burt knew it was hard to talk about unpleasant things, but sometimes it was necessary and he had assumed that Kurt would come to him when things got rough.

Burt turned and laid an arm over his head. He still couldn't sleep while his lucky wife was sound asleep for hours now. He stared at shadows at the ceiling, they had forgotten to draw the curtains and outside was a full moon. He wondered if Kurt could sleep tonight; they both were bad sleepers at a full moon night, always have been. When Kurt had been much younger, sometimes they would have met in the middle of a full moon night, mostly in the kitchen where they had spend their sleeplessness together talking, cracking jokes, simply enjoying each other's company. Back then it had been a lot easier to read what was going on in Kurt's head.

Burt shifted again, accidently nudging his wife and hoping she wouldn't wake up. She didn't. No need to make her an insomniac, too. After a while he lost himself in the memory of a conversation he'd had with Kurt a few months ago. It had been shortly after the boy had transferred to Dalton and Kurt had just arrived home for the weekend. Burt had seen in a second that his son had been miserable. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sure", Kurt had smiled at him and Burt had let him be for the moment. He knew what being a teenager was like. How one could feel lonely at times, and how one longed to fall in love with someone and be loved in return. How much one waited to finally be kissed for the first time.

He had been fourteen when he had had his first girlfriend and not much older when he'd had sex for the first time. Yeah, he had fooled around a lot. Nothing that he was too proud of today, but he'd been young and stupid. That's why he was glad that Kurt wasn't anything like him at this age and – just like Kurt had said himself once – he didn't have to worry about Kurt getting a girl pregnant. Most of the time he was astonished by how mature and responsible Kurt was. The boy was seventeen now. But then Burt assumed that it was much harder for Kurt to find someone to love, especially in this small town, and he could tell not having a boyfriend was getting Kurt down.

Even though Kurt was good at hiding his feelings, Burt could always tell when his son's smile was real or fake. Like it had been fake later on that particular evening when he had found his son in the kitchen staring at the wall. "What's wrong? Something bothering you?"

"Oh no, I'm fine", Kurt gave him that fake smile and held up his phone. "I just received a call from Wes, one of my Dalton friends. I know I have just arrived home, but would it be okay if I left tomorrow to have a sleep-over at Wes' house? He's having a party and most of the boys will be staying over night."

Burt hestitated, because he wanted to have his son around for the whole weekend and not just for a few hours. Of course he couldn't reason with Kurt, so he made up some silly accusation and told Kurt, no, he couldn't have a sleep-over at that boy's house, because who knew what was gonna happen. Kurt let out an irritated sigh and of all answers, this one Burt hadn't expected.

"They're all straight, dad", Kurt stated with a roll of his eyes. "You don't need to worry about me having sex anytime soon. As if anybody would want me anyway."

"How can you say something like that?", Burt had clearly been taken aback.

"Because it's true?", Kurt said in that sulking way only a teenager could manage.

"You've just turned seventeen. Why does it bother you so much, that you don't have a boyfriend yet? You've still got a lifetime to, you know, explore the world of sex."

"Just look at me, will you? Maybe you're blinded, because you're my father and love me no matter what. But the truth is I am not at all attractive or goodlooking. Maybe I'll be lucky and someone takes a pity on me someday."

Burt shook his head, not sure whether to laugh or cry. He had never thought that Kurt might think of himself as unattractive. All the time he spend in front of the mirror? All those fancy clothes he dressed up in? Clearly he must like his appearance, why else would he make such an effort? "Where is your self-esteem, kid? You always seem so confident about yourself. What happened?"

"Well, _nothing_ happened, that's the problem. I'm seventeen now and _nobody_ is interested in me."

"What about that Blaine-kid? You talk about him a lot and isn't he gay, too? I can see you like him."

"He just wants to be friends." Kurt announced this in such a resigned way that there was no doubt he'd been talking with Blaine about it and obviously Blaine had rejected him. Burt sighed and ran a hand over his head. What could he say to cheer his son up? "A lot of kids your age still have no girlfriends or boyfriends. It doesn't mean nobody likes you."

"Maybe, but a lot of other kids my age are in happy relationships or at least have some experience in such matters."

"Come on, don't tell me, you don't have some experience whatsoever. You have kissed that cheerleader girl, right? Have you kissed any other girl so far?"

"No", Kurt almost spat the word out and crossed his arms.

"And have you ever been kissed by a boy?"

Kurt hesitated and Burt could tell there was something weird about this silence. Obviously the answer was yes, otherwise Kurt would have shot another NO at him. But the boy wouldn't meet his eyes and his sulky mood had changed into something else. Clearly he was awkward to talk about it, whatever it was. He embraced himself as if he was cold and put a hand over his mouth.

"What? You won't tell me?", Burt asked with a laugh, trying to ease the sudden tension. Eventually Kurt nodded and admitted in a flat voice. "I have been kissed by a boy once."

"And?", Burt had prompted, now definitely sensing something was wrong. "Wasn't a good one?" Kurt shook his head and continued to avoid to look at him. It wasn't that he was ashamed, Burt could tell so much. To his horror he noticed that Kurt was close to tears. He put a hand on Kurt's shoulder and turned serious at once. "What happened?"

"I can't tell you." Kurt looked at him with tears welling in his eyes and a seriousness that alarmed Burt. "I'm your father, you can tell me anything!"

Kurt was biting his fingernails as if deciding yes or no. "Okay, I will tell you, but you must swear to me you won't tell anyone! Not Carol! Not Finn! No one can know! Swear it!"

Burt frowned at this, but he held up his right hand and said, "All right, I swear I won't tell anyone. You know you can trust me."

Kurt took a deep breath and licked his lips. "It's been a few weeks now. I got kissed by some other boy in McKinley." His voice was low and rough now, his eyes unfocused. "He forced me to it. I didn't even know he was gay."

Burt saw how hard it was for Kurt to tell what had happened and he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. He felt his heart sink and suddenly it was like the temperature in the room dropped to zero. This must be the horror of any parent, to hear that someone had forced themselves on their kid.

"Well, that is the problem", Kurt continued his story. "_Nobody_ knows he's gay. So, later he ... he threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone." He gave his father a meaningful look and as soon as Burt got the clue his eyes widened. "That Karofsky-kid? He forced you to kiss him?"

"I was so scared." Now Kurts voice was no more than a whisper. "I kept thinking, next time he gets me alone, he'll rape me or something and I won't be able to defend myself. I mean, you've seen him, he is a hulk of a guy. I couldn't fight against him." Burt imagined that Dave Karofsky taking advantage of his son und felt hot fury rise.

"So, I guess, I do attract rapists and mad men. Yay!" Kurt mock-cheered. He didn't like it when Kurt went all sarcastic. But he didn't know what to say to him to give him comfort. He tightened his grip on Kurt's shoulder and looked at him seriously. "Don't say that, Kurt. Don't let some jerk like that Karofsky-kid get to you."

Kurt nodded and this time didn't even try to smile. "I know, I won't. And about that party tomorrow, actually, I don't want to go. I mean, Blaine will be there and ... ever since he told me he just wants to be friends ... it's kind of hard seeing him. So, I will tell Wes you said no and stay home."

It had been one of the few times he'd noticed how insecure his son really was. Kurt spent so much time acting like he was superior and strong, but that was just some kind of self-protection to let no one near him. Inside though he was just a vulnerable teenage boy.

Burt sighed deeply at this memory. It had shaken him then, especially the truth about what had happened with Karofsky and why he was so scared of him. Burt sat up and slid out of bed, careful not to wake his wife. It was no use trying to get some sleep. He could as well distract himself with a movie in the living room. So he went downstairs quietly, careful not to wake anyone. It was then he heard someone sing. Without making a sound he looked around the corner into the living room, where he saw Kurt standing in the dark at the window, staring out at the full moon and singing softly to himself.

"I hear the ticking of the clock  
>I'm lying here, the room's pitch dark<br>I wonder where you are tonight

No answer on the telephone  
>And the night goes by so very slow<br>Oh I hope that it won't end though

Alone...

Till now I always got by on my own  
>I never really cared until I met you<br>And now it chills me to the bone

How do I get you alone  
>How do I get you alone<br>Alone..."

Burt was impressed by the emotion in Kurt's voice, he truly was one heck of a singer. However, as he tried to sing the higher notes of the song, Kurt suddenly gasped and winced, holding his sides and breathing hard. Alarmed Burt hurried to his side. "You're okay?"

Kurt stepped backwards, clearly frightened by his fathers sudden appearance, but when he recognized him, he grabbed his arm. "I'm fine, just having ... trouble ... breathing!"

Burt put his hands on his son's shoulders to keep him steady. "Slowly, just breathe in and out ..." They locked eyes and Kurt did as his father told him and concentrated on his breathing, which was hard to do, as his sides hurt so much and he couldn't inhale deep enough to fight the panic of suffocation down.

"Are the bandages too tight? Should I lessen them? Gotta tell the nurse tomorrow ..."

"They have ... to be tight", Kurt reminded him, still fighting to catch his breath. "And it's not the bandages. I don't ... know ..."

"Hush, don't speak too much. Best you lay down." Burt directed him to the couch where Kurt lay down on his back. Burt sat beside him, holding his hand, and to his immense relief, Kurt recovered fast and his breathing went back to normal. "I told you not to overstrain yourself, kid. And in your case I guess singing is like exercise."

Kurt nodded at this and they shared a moment of relief in silence. "Why are you up?", Kurt asked him, one hand grasping the collar of his pajamas, the other hand still holding on to his fathers.

"Couldn't sleep", Burt answered with a shrug. "I guess same applies for you?"

Kurt nodded. How was he supposed to sleep while his head was busy thinking of Blaine, making stories up why he couldn't contact him and one more frightened than the other.

"Having nightmares?"

"No, I'm fine", Kurt said with a sigh.

"The more often you say it, doesn't make it sound any truer. You're not fine, Kurt. Some anonymous guy beat the crap out of you just a few days back, you can't be fine!" Burt was clearly pissed about Kurt's obvious lying.

"What do you want to hear from me?", Kurt asked with a creepy calm voice. "That I feel like a piece of shit? That I want to hide away for the rest of my life? You're right, I'm not okay. But how does talking about it help me feel better about it?"

"All I know is that suppressing your pain doesn't make it go away. How about sharing it? I'd be happy to help you carry your load." Burt squeezed his hand and tried to convince his son. He remembered just too well how desperate he had been when Kurt's mum had died, how he had wanted to hide away from the world and how the pain had eaten him from inside. When something really bad happened to a person, it took a lot of strength and willpower to come over it. Back then his son had been his only anchor. If it hadn't been for Kurt, he would simply have vanished. But no matter how much he had missed his wife, this eight year old boy had been missing his mum and it had been his job to make it okay. They had shared a pain that was just too much for one person to stand, but together they had overcome.

Why wouldn't Kurt tell him, when things were bothering him? Burt hated to admit that this bond between the two of them had grown rather thin. While he had a lot in common with Finn and could easily talk to his stepson, there wasn't much he shared with Kurt, they had so different interests and passions. Was this the reason why Kurt had lost faith in him?

"You know, Finn told me how you were treated in McKinley. Of course I knew about the slushies. You couldn't hide all the extra load of laundry from me. But you never told me you were thrown into dumpsters."

"Wow, didn't know he was such a gossip", Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me a word about it while all of this was going on?", Burt demanded, trying not to sound offended.

"I didn't want to upset you."

"I'm your father. It's my job to get upset over stuff like that!", Burt insisted. "And I could've helped you. I would've talked to your principal and have those boys punished…"

"Yes, right. With the consequence that their revenge would be even worse. There was nothing you could have done. So I figured I shouldn't bother you with it. You've got enough going on with your work and stuff."

"Dammit, Kurt! Forget about work and stuff! Nothing is more important to me than you and your safety. Why don't you get that?"

"See, how upset you are? Would you calm down, please? You've already had a heart attack, dad." Kurt sat up slowly and put an arm around his dad's shoulders. "I love you, dad. Don't worry too much, okay? How about you help me get upstairs? I do feel a bit dizzy to tell the truth."

"Come here", Burt helped him to his feet and put a firm arm around his shoulders as they climbed the stairs together.

xxx xxx xxx

When Kurt opened his eyes the next morning, he was there, close beside him, watching him with his loving eyes and a playful smile on his lips.

"There you are", Blaine said softly and tilted his head slightly, his smile spreading across his face. "I've been looking for you forever."

Kurt sighed at this. Ever since Blaine had used that cheesy line in his love confession, he liked to repeat it anytime possible. "What are you doing?" Kurt asked, his face still half-buried in his pillow, and smiled at his boyfriend in return.

"Watching you sleep", Blaine answered in a whisper, as if sharing a secret. "And guess what? From now on it's number two on my list of favourite free time activities, because you're so cute when you're asleep."

"You've got a list of fave free time activies?", Kurt asked sleepily, suppressing a yawn.

"Yes, you're hearing right, Mr Hummel. You're not the only one making lists."

"What's your number one favourite activity?"

"I'll answer that by showing you", Blaine leaned forward and laid a soft kiss on Kurt's lips. "Kissing you is my alltime favourite."

"Then we have something in common", Kurt answered and put his hand in Blaine's neck to pull him in for another one.

"Oh gosh, if it wasn't just way too cheesy I would start singing the Aerosmith song now", Blaine said with a grin and a glint in his eyes, that Kurt knew just too well. "You know which one?"

Kurt knew Blaine well enough to see there was a song inside him that needed to be let out or else he'd burst. And who was he to reject a serenade by his boyfriend? So he shook his head and let a broad smile show. "I have no clue, Blaine Warbler. Could you please sing it me just so I know which one you mean?"

"Okay, but just so you know which one I'm talking about, because it's way too cheesy to sing it for any other reasons", Blaine blinked at him with a happy smirk and started singing.

"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
>Watch you smile while you are sleeping<br>Far away and dreaming  
>I could spend my life in this sweet surrender<br>I could stay lost in this moment forever  
>Well, every moment spent with you<br>Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes  
>I don't wanna fall asleep<br>'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
>And I don't wanna miss a thing<p>

'Cause even when I dream of you  
>The sweetest dream will never do<br>I'd still miss you, babe  
>And I don't wanna miss a thing<p>

Lying close to you  
>Feeling your heart beating<br>And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
>Wondering if it's me you're seeing<br>Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together  
>And I just wanna stay with you<br>In this moment forever, forever and ever!"

"Ah, right, that one", Kurt smiled back and lowered his eyes. "I love you."

Blaine's smile turned tender. "I love it when you say that. Say it again."

"You're a dork", Kurt replied and rolled his eyes. Blaine laughed softly. He rested his cheek on one hand and gazed at his boyfriend lovingly. "I wish I didn't have to go."

"One week, Blaine. One week won't kill us."

"Will you miss me?"

"Like hell." They chuckled and Blaine laid his hand over Kurt's. "Maybe it's quite good for us to be apart for a while."

At this Kurt frowned. "Why would you say that?"

"You know, we hang around a lot, like every day! You must be sick of me by now. Of course, I will miss you, maybe, a bit", Blaine teased him and then showed his sexiest smile, "but just imagine how _awesome_ our reunion will be! When we finally get to see each other again, after a whole week of missing and longing and building up sexual tension, baby, you better prepare to be swept right off your feet and be kissed like you've never been kissed before and I swear I won't let go of you until we're both dizzy!"

"Uhm, I'm not quite sure I know what you mean", Kurt said with a sexy flutter of his eyes. "Could you maybe demonstrate?"

"Sure I can", and Blaine pulled him into his arms and they kissed and chuckled while kissing and couldn't imagine not being together for such a long time.

xxx xxx xxx

The next morning Kurt was up early. He couldn't stay in bed any longer where he was haunted by nightmares whenever he closed his eyes. The worst was the memory of waking up next to Blaine the day Blaine had left. How sweet he had been and how caring. No way would Blaine do this to him if he had a choice.

Kurt went downstairs, drank some water and looked around for the painkillers. The doctor had put his dad in charge for his medication. Obviously pain patients couldn't be trusted to take one pill at a time, because they were so mellow from the pain that they took too many pills at once, which could lead to an overdose. After having searched all possible drawers and places unsuccessfully, he paced the kitchen and waited for his parents to get up. He wouldn't wake his dad over this.

Finn showed up first, getting ready for school and Kurt made him some breakfast to go, which was well appreciated and commented by Carole with a hearty laugh, who joined them in time to see how Finn got spoiled. "Don't let him get accustomed to this, Kurt!" She left for work shortly after Finn and stroked Kurt's arm before she left. "You look pale, honey. You should lay down again."

"I will", he assured her, which was no lie, because he felt totally exhausted. All he needed was those drugs, so he could sleep like a deadman and not have any more nightmares.

"Morning, son, what are you doing up?" Burt found his son in the kitchen, where the boy had put coffee on. "I'm preparing a lunch box for you", Kurt answered flatly.

"Oh, I'm not going to work today", his father informed him. "I'll stay home with you."

Kurt looked up at him and shook his head slowly. "You need to go to work, dad."

"I will check on the garage as soon as Finn is back from school. Until then Jeremy is in charge", Burt explained casually and added with a soft voice. "I don't want you to be alone. You're still sick, remember?"

"I don't need someone watching over me while I sleep", Kurt snapped. "Because that's what I intent to do today since I haven't slept all night. I'd happily trade places with Finn and go to school while he sleeps the day away. At least that makes one person who envies me for the state I'm in."

"Don't be silly, Kurt. Finn knows just too well how bad your condition is, he's just trying to cheer you up a little." Burt took the coffee pot and poured himself a cup.

"My condition isn't as bad as you make it sound. I'm just tired as hell and a bit on the edge. I'm sorry." Kurt spoke in a softer tone now. "I know you're worried, dad. But Carole told me you hadn't been to work for the last few days, because you've spend night and day with me in the hospital." Kurt made a face. "I didn't know that. Well, I remember you've been there whenever I woke up, but I didn't realize you've really been there all the time." Kurt looked at his father with a grateful little smile and added in a whisper, "thank you."

Burt leaned with his back against the kitchen counter and blew at his steaming coffee. "Don't mention it", he said in a suddenly hoarse voice. It was hard to look at his son, when Kurt directed those light blue vulnerable and loving eyes on him that reminded him so much of his mother. When Elizabeth had gotten sick, she had tried to stay strong for so long, but he had known how much it had cost her to show a happy face. Kurt was much like her. He wouldn't show anybody his vulnerability, he would act the strong one until he could no longer.

"But now that I'm home you should go back to work", Kurt tried to reason with him, but Burt wouldn't have any of it. "I just want to make sure there's always someone around to have an eye on you, kid, because I don't trust you to stay in bed. And though I'm pretty sure you can take care of yourself, there's still the possibility you to fall down the stairs on wobbly legs."

"Alright, stay if it makes you happy." Kurt crossed his arms with a sigh and tried not to look needy when he asked casually, "So, I guess I should take one of those pills? You have them here?"

"Be right back", Burt headed back upstairs and returned with the bottle of pills in one hand. "You need to eat something before you take one of these", Burt told him.

"I have already eaten", Kurt lied without batting an eye and pointed to a used plate with toast crumbs on it. It was Finn's plate he hadn't put in the dishwasher yet. "Do you want to fatten me up?"

xxx xxx xxx

Finn was standing at Rachel's locker next to her and stroked her neck gently, then let his fingers slip under her collar and pulled it aside to reveal the red string of her bra. Looked like today was the perfect day to try and get Rachel naked. Well, not that he expected her to undress herself for him, however such a striptease was one of his favourite daydreams. He would have to trick her somehow to leave her undies behind.

"What are you doing?" Rachel hit his hand, laughing.

"Just checking what you're wearing underneath", he replied with an innocent smile and reached out to hold her hand. "Can I come over to your place today after school?"

"How can you possibly think of making out?", she complained. "All I can think about is how miserable Kurt must be feeling right now."

"Yeah, me, too", Finn assured her. In the end it was for Kurt's sake that he wanted to get a grip on Rachel's panties. "Oh damn, I almost forgot I'm supposed to come straight home after school."

"Then maybe I could come over to your place?", Rachel suggested. "I'd really like to see Kurt. I know you said he doesn't want to see anyone, but I want to talk to him. Can't you ask him if I could come over?"

Finn shrugged. "Sure, I can ask him."

When Finn returned home this afternoon, he was already awaited impatiently by his stepfather who had to head to the garage for an emergency which his assistant could not handle on his own. So Burt rushed out of the door as soon as Finn stepped in. He found Kurt in the kitchen, dressed in one of Finn's favourite hooded sweaters. "Hey, that's mine!"

"I invaded your wardrobe", Kurt admitted. "I needed something bigger."

"No problem", Finn replied with a shrug. "Looks good on you!" At this Kurt rolled his eyes, but Finn was serious. He liked this casual style on Kurt better than the snazzy way his brother usually liked to dress.

"So, you're my babysitter for the afternoon", Kurt greeted him moodily.

"If you want to call spending a few hours with your big brother babysitting, then I guess I am", Finn said with a smile and blinked at him.

"I can make you a snack if you want", Kurt offered more friendly now. "And I made some muffins. Don't worry, there's sugar in them."

"I don't say no to that", Finn said with a broad smile, wondering how cool life would be if Kurt could just stay home forever, making sandwiches and baking muffins for him. But wait, wasn't that how he imagined his future-wife to be? Okay, Kurt would make a fantastic wife for someone else as long as he didn't insist on his weird diet plans. Wait, was it abusive to think of Kurt as a wife? Why did he suddenly think of Kurt in female terms anyway? Finn shook his head in confusion and decided not to follow this specific thought any further.

Kurt had made muffins to occupy his time and to distract himself from thinking of Blaine twentyfourseven. Also it was easier to avoid eating in front of his family when he held up the illusion of surrounding himself with food. He hadn't eaten yet. He had tried, but he simply couldn't swallow. Each time he put something in his mouth he instantly felt the urge of retching and spat it out again. By now he had already gotten past the point of feeling hungry at all. Instead he drank a lot of water and milk.

He handed a plate with a big chocolate chip muffin to his brother. "Woah, thanks!" Finn's eyes widened at the sight of the huge muffin and when he took a bite he moaned in pleasure. This was the best chocolate chip muffin he'd ever had. Maybe he should reconsider marrying Kurt, in case things with Rachel went awry.

"Oh wait, I got something for you." Finn put the muffin aside and opened his backpack. With a playful bow he gave Kurt an oversized Get Well Soon card, obviously self-made, drawn with colorful crayons. On the front was a sad looking cat in a bed with bandages and band-aid sticking on its body.

"Brittany made it for you", Finn told him with a grin, looking as proud as if he'd done it himself.

When Kurt opened the card, the cat was surrounded by animal friends and each animal was signed by one of his glee club friends: the duck was signed by Artie, the dog by Finn, the blackbird by Rachel, the mouse by Brittany, the snake by Puck, the elephant by Tina, a monkey by Mike, a giraffe by Santana, a pink butterfly by Quinn, the lion by Sam and the cuddly teddybear by Mercedes. Even Mr Schue was portrayed as a donkey and signed it with a smiley next to his signature.

"This is really sweet. Please, tell everybody I said thanks."

"You can tell them yourself. They asked if they could come over and see you. In fact, they're just waiting for my call."

Kurt hesitated and slowly shook his head. "I don't feel like company today. Tell them… I don't know, just tell them something…"

"Come on, don't tell them off. They're worried about you. They need to see you."

Kurt looked up at him and replied with a sneer: "One doesn't always get to see the person one needs to see."

Finn frowned at this. "Are you saying Blaine still hasn't called you?"

Kurt shook his head and whispered hoarsely. "It's been over two weeks now. Something must have happened to him. He wouldn't do this to me."

Finn saw the pain in Kurt's eyes and suddenly felt a sting in his heart. If it should turn out that Blaine had caused all this misery simply because he was a jerk who didn't know how to use a phone, he would kill him for making Kurt suffer like this. "You could use some distraction. Let me call the guys, at least Mercedes and Tina. They're your friends. Don't tell them off."

"I don't want to be mean, Finn", Kurt tried to explain. "I just can't see anyone right now, especially not Mercedes and Tina."

"But they just want to help you."

"And how? How can they help me? By seeing how miserable I am? Look at me! I'm a mess and I can't help it ... I just wish …" Kurt's voice broke and a tear slipped down his cheek. He turned away so Finn couldn't see it. Without another word Kurt put a hand on his face and started to walk away, but Finn didn't let him escape to hide and cry on his own. He reached out for Kurt's arm and stopped him.

"Let me!" Kurt's voice was shaky and he tried to slip through Finn's hands, but Finn held on. He pulled him close and wrapped his arms around his shoulders and head, so that his brother was trapped at his chest.

"Everything will be okay", Finn murmured and at this a dam broke and Kurt really started to cry. He clung to Finn and buried the good side of his face into his shoulder, choking with sobs, trying to catch his breath and being as miserable as Finn had never seen him before. He stroked his back and his hair and didn't care about his shirt getting all wet from Kurt's tears. He had to swallow hard not to lose it himself.

"It hurts ... so much", Kurt said between sobs and Finn wasn't sure if he talked about his injuries or missing Blaine. He guessed both and tried to soothe him as Kurt was shaking with the pain each sob caused him.

"I'm here for you, you know? We all are", he assured him. "And guess what? In return for your song yesterday, I have preapared one for you as well." And he started singing softly to his brother who was hyperventilating in his arms.

"It's like a storm that cuts a path

It breaks your will, it feels like that  
>You think you're lost<p>

But you're not lost on your own

You're not alone

I will stand by you,

I will help you through

When you've done all you can do and you can't cope

I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight and I won't let go

It hurts my heart to see you cry

I know its dark this part of life

Oh it finds us all and we're too small to stop the rain

Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you, I will help you through

When you've done all you can do and you can't cope

I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight and I won't let you fall

Don't be afraid to fall  
>I'm right here to catch you<br>I won't let you down  
>It won't get you down<br>You're gonna make it  
>I know you can make it<br>Oh I'm gonna hold you and I won't let go  
>Won't let you go<br>No, I won't!"

It took a while until Kurt calmed down and was able to breathe normal again. All the time Finn held him and steadied him. "Don't tell them that I cried", Kurt pleaded in a low voice that was almost not audible. "I don't want them to worry." He was still leaning against his brother, his eyes closed and thankful for every steady breath that filled his lungs. Finn knew he was talking about their parents and reluctantly nodded. "Alright. I won't tell them."

"Thanks", Kurt whispered, "and singing Rascal Flatts to me was really sweet. I bet you picked that up from dad's country collection." After this emotional breakdown Kurt was so exhausted that Finn lead him upstairs where Kurt lay down and fell asleep at once. Finn stayed in his room, making sure Kurt was breathing normal. While watching over him he texted with Mercedes and Tina and Rachel and told them an excuse why they couldn't come over to see Kurt.

xxx xxx xxx

"Oh, hey!", Finn was surprised to see his girlfriend standing in the door about an hour later. "Changed your mind about _you know what_?", he asked in his clumsy but cute way to be seductive. He hugged her closely, enjoying the feel of her boobs against his body and she gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Actually no", Rachel told him. "I'm here to see Kurt."

"But", Finn protested irritated, "he doesn't want to see anyone."

Kurt hadn't slept long and when he had woken up he had asked Finn to leave him alone. So Finn had gone downstairs to his room and started to work on his homework, however with unsuccessful results. He simply couldn't concentrate on spain vocabulary while he still felt Kurt's small body shaking with pain against his.

Rachel shook her head slowly and sighed. "And you're believing him? He must be bored like hell by now. A person can just stand a very limited amount of afternoon talkshows and re-runs of _Idol_."

"He's not watching TV, he's not even listening to music", Finn told her in a whisper. "That's what totally creeps me out. He's just lying on his bed and doing _nothing_."

"He must be really heartbroken then", Rachel said sympathetically.

"No, his ribs are broken", Finn explained confused.

"By Blaine I mean." Rachel hit Finn's arm with her tiny fist and then slipped past him and stormed upstairs.

"No, wait, wait!" Finn rushed after her, but couldn't stop her from knocking at the door and invading Kurt's room with a bright encouraging smile that faltered just the tiniest bit at the sight of him.

Kurt was sitting on his bed, leaning with his back against the headboard, nestled in a pile of pillows. A book was lying open in his lap, but instead of reading it he was staring at the ceiling. He wore a blue baggy sweater she recognized as one of Finns. She suspected Kurt's wardrobe not to contain oversized sweaters anymore as he liked to dress in body tight clothes ever since he started dating Blaine. With broken ribs however it must be hard to wiggle oneself into those.

When she entered, Kurt tilted his head towards her. He had covered his bruises with make-up, but they were still visible like a neon-lit signboard on Broadway. Also his eyes still were red from crying earlier.

"Oh my god, you look hideous!" Rachel exclaimed at once.

"Thanks for stopping by and telling me this", Kurt replied in his best sarcastic manner.

"No, I mean like _really awful!_ You have these huge dark shades under your eyes and your hair has definitely seen better days."

"If you've come to cheer me up, this is not doing the trick, Rachel Berry." Kurt stated simply, not sounding angry or offended, but rather amused.

"Have you even slept?", she went right on. "I do look exactly like this when I've had a busy night recording myself singing for _youtube_."

"Except for the bruises I suppose", Kurt said with a wave towards the left side of his face.

"Well, yeah, except for those", Rachel said with a shrug and Kurt smiled faintly at her. He really liked her straightforward and rude way of dealing with him. At least it didn't make him want to start crying again. If Mercedes came to see him, they would both start weeping the instant their eyes met.

"I couldn't stop her, she just stomped right over me!", Finn tried to explain, but Kurt dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "It's okay. She can stay. Would you mind leaving us alone, please?"

"I'll be downstairs if you need me." Finn retreated and closed the door behind him. Now Rachel looked a bit remorseful. "I'm sorry for intruding like this, Kurt, but I wanted to talk to you. May I?" She gestured to the bed and Kurt gave her a graceful nod. She took off her coat and laid it over a chair. Then she slid out of her shoes and sat on his bed, jiggling right next to him and leaning into the pillows.

"What are you reading?" She pointed at his book and then folded her hands in her lap.

"It's a French poetry collection. But I'm not really reading it. I can't concentrate." With a sigh he shut the book and tossed it on the floor. "Okay, you can say what you need to say now, Rachel."

Rachel put a hand on Kurt's arm and began with a gentle voice. "You know, Kurt, you and I are just the same..."

"Oh dear, if it starts like this, I'm not sure I want to hear how it goes on", Kurt interrupted her with a groan.

"When I am hurt I am usually dealing with my pain on my own", Rachel went on. "I don't confide in anyone, because telling how bad I feel would only make me weak and vulnerable. I assume you are the same way, Kurt. Your pride won't allow you to cling to someone else. Finn told me how you're trying to act like you're okay and not letting anyone lend you a hand, not even your dad."

"Gosh, it seems like Finn really has turned into a gossip nowadays", Kurt widened his eyes at this. "Look, I don't want my dad to worry about me anymore than he already does. It's as simple as that."

"I know, but keeping him at bay is only making him feel worse", Rachel beseeched him and took his hand. "Don't you realize how much you hurt the people you love by distancing yourself from them? I have realized it is more straining to keep acting the strong one than to sometimes show my weakness to someone I trust. It's dumb to assume that the people who are close to you don't notice how hurt you are. They _know_ you're not okay."

"Actually I've had a similar talk with my dad last night, so we are okay, Rachel. I'm not closing myself from the world or the people I love. Even though it's really hard to talk about how I feel right now." He gave her a sideways look. "And if you're referring to why I don't want to see you guys, it's because I know I'm going to cry and you cannot imagine how much crying hurts when your ribs are broken. I've had the pleasure of experiencing it this afternoon and I'm not planning on repeating it anytime soon. See, that's why I can't see Mercedes or talk to her on the phone. I know she would lose it and then I would lose it, too. It may sound strange, but I just love her too much to see her right now."

"She will understand", Rachel said and nodded sincerely. "However, you better get well soon, so we can have a girl's night out with Tina and Mercedes. It's been a while since we've done that. Oh, and Finn told me you wanted to go shopping with him. I think that's a great idea! Why didn't you tell me you'd given him that shirt by the way? Well, I should have known he didn't' get it for himself." She smiled at him and he let her ramble on. It was actually rather nice to have someone over who drowned his dark thoughts with some light chatter.

They sat shoulder to shoulder next to each other and Rachel held his right hand with both of hers. Despite his sometimes hostile and repellent behaviour towards her, Kurt actually liked Rachel, a lot. She wasn't as self-centered as it often seemed. She truly cared for the people she loved. She had noticed how lonely he had felt being the only gay kid at McKinley High and she had offered her hand and given him confidence, when he had needed it the most. So, whenever she became annoying or selfish and irritating, he just reminded himself of the day she had sung _Happy_ _Days_ with him, because he would love her for it forever.

She had also prepared a slumber party with Mercedes for him, when he had been so upset about Blaine being in love with that GAP guy. Yeah, she was as great a friend as she was a competition to him. Suddenly Rachel started singing. It was just a line in the middle of a Katy Perry song and not with the full extent of her outstanding voice, but therefore with a charming smile and the obvious intention to cheer him up.

"You don't have to feel like a waste of space  
>You're original, cannot be replaced<br>If you only knew what the future holds  
>After a hurricane comes a rainbow<p>

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed  
>So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road<br>Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow  
>And when it's time, you'll know<p>

You just gotta ignite the light  
>And let it shine<br>Just own the night  
>Like the Fourth of July<p>

Cause baby you're a firework  
>Come on, show 'em what you're worth<br>Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"  
>As you shoot across the sky-y-y<br>Baby, you're a firework."

Kurt smiled at her when she had finished. "Girl, you're just happy when you have an opportunity to sing."

"Just like you! See, I told you we're very much alike. And I know how hard it must be for you right now, not being able to sing with all your heart. Believe me, I know exactly what it feels like to lose your voice. But you'll be fine, Kurt."

"As if losing my singing voice was my biggest problem right now."

"I know it's not, but it's a part of it and you should start fixing the small problems before you try the big ones. One step at a time."

"Right now I feel like I'm doing no step at all. I know something's wrong and there's nothing I can do about it? I just wish I'd find a way to talk to Blaine, wherever he is."

Rachel looked up at him with her big eyes filled with concern and sorrow. "Kurt, I want to apologise for what I said to you at my party. You know, about Blaine. Finn told us he had changed schools and doesn't call you? I didn't think it was possible that a person suddenly disappears without a word, without a trace. But I truly believe whatever Blaine's reasons are, it must be hard for him, too. He'd never do this to you unless something's forcing him."

"I know", Kurt said in a strangely desperate tone. "That's why I'm so worried. I want to know what is going on that forces him to leave everything behind."

"Maybe he's…"

"Stop it, Rachel, please. I can't talk about it now."

"Okay, we don't need to", Rachel assured him and squeezed his hand.

There was a knock at the door and Finn came in carrying three glasses stacked into one another in one hand and a pitcher filled with peach ice tea in the other hand. "Hey guys, do you want something to drink?"

"How thoughtful of you", Rachel said with delight and sat up. Just then Finn stumbled over his feet and with an awful splash all the liquid poured over Rachel's front, from sailor blouse to skirt, drowning her in ice tea.

"Oh my gosh!", Kurt exclaimed while Rachel was frozen in shock.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel!", Finn stammered, still holding the pitcher up.

"Come Rachel, hurry, into my bathroom", Kurt got up immediately, took her hand and led the dripping girl into the bathroom next door. Finn followed, but Kurt stopped him short, "You! Stay outside!" and shut the door in his face.

"It's all sticky", Rachel complained with a whining while she unbuttoned her blouse, not at all ashamed in Kurt's presence. He helped her take off the clammy shirt and held it up to inspect the damage. "Gosh, peach ice tea on a white blouse is a death sentence, Rachel. This is bad, really bad. I suppose even your undies are drenched? You want to call your dads to bring you clean clothes?"

"No, I'd rather not. I don't want them to have to rummage in my drawers. They're not comfortable with women clothes, especially undies."

"I totally understand", Kurt nodded seriously and considered her options. "How about Mercedes? You're okay with her rummaging in your wardrobe?"

"Mercedes would be great", Rachel said with a relieved sigh and a pleading look in her eyes. Instantly Kurt pulled his phone out and dialed the number of his best friend. "Kurt! Hey!", Mercedes answered and he could hear that she was a bit unsettled and not sure how to respond to his call. It was just then that he remembered that he had avoided talking to her. However, this was not about him. Rachel needed help, there was no time to get emotional. So he got straight to the point before any awkwardness could occur.

"Mercedes, this is an emergency. Can you drive by Rachel's house and fetch some clothes for her, including underwear, and then come to my place? We'll explain to you later. Wait a sec", Kurt turned to Rachel, "you want anything in particular, Rachel?"

"No, just some shirt and one of the skirts on the right side of my wardrobe, and I'll be fine. Tell her my bras are in the left top drawer and panties are in the drawer beneath."

Kurt repeated the instructions to Mercedes. "Thanks, you're just fabulous, 'cedes! See ya! – She's on her way", he told Rachel. "You better call your dads and tell them that a friend of yours will stop by any minute, so they let her in. And you better get out of those wet clothes now before you catch a cold. You can use my shower if you want and I have a lovely fluffy bathrobe you can put on while we wait for Mercedes."

"Thanks, Kurt."

"You're welcome, Rachel." Kurt left the room to let Rachel shower and closed the door behind him. Then he glowered at Finn who was still standing in his room. "Are you serious, Finn Hudson?", he hissed at him. "Is this your way to make your girlfriend undress herself?"

"It was an accident!" Finn claimed in his defence.

"Finn, I know you're clumsy sometimes, but this was so obviously not an accident. I could see you did it on purpose. Don't even try to explain yourself! Now get out of my room! And be sure to let Mercedes in when she arrives."

"Mercedes?" Finn asked dumbfounded.

"Yes, Mercedes is on her way. You just need to open the door for her! I'm sure you'll manage." Kurt shoved him roughly out of the door.

xxx xxx xxx

Kurt and Rachel were sitting on his bed, discussing the quality and charm of modern musicals like _Wicked_ and _Rent_ compaired to timeless classics like _The Sound of Music_ and _My Fair Lady_ when Mercedes knocked and came in. "Hey guys!" She had a bundle of clothes for Rachel, which the girl gratefully accepted. "I hope what I got you is okay."

"Everything is fine that is not ice tea drenched", Rachel replied and disappeared in the bathroom. When Rachel had closed the door, Mercedes and Kurt faced each other and just like Kurt had predicted, the moment their eyes met, there were so many emotions passing between the two of them, that it was impossible not to cry. "Kurt, I'm so …", Mercedes started, then gulped a breath like she was losing it.

"Don't", Kurt interrupted her. "Let's not talk about me, okay? And no tears, girl, stay strong for me!" They both wiped at their eyes. Mercedes sat down at the edge of the bed. "Sorry. Finn told us how painful it is for you to laugh or weep or even sneeze, which sounds awful to me, thinking how often a day I do all three of them!"

"Finn seems to talk a lot these days", Kurt said with a headshake and a smile. He reached out his hand towards her and Mercedes took it. "So, has Blaine called you yet?"

"Let's not talk about him either", Kurt said with a low voice. Mercedes made a face, but swallowed whatever she had in mind about Blaine. "You could tell me about the girls", Kurt suggested with a faint smile. "Anything interesting going on?"

"Ah, let's see what I got", Mercedes grinned at him. "How about these topics: Tina fighting with Mike. Brittany failing her driving test, again. Santana and Lauren competing over Puckerman. Have a choice."

"Tempting. I guess I'll go for Tina fighting with Mike."

"Yeah, that's my favourite, too." They settled down on Kurt's bed and Mercedes began to tell him what their friends got themselves into a fight over. After Rachel had dressed herself, she joined them on the bed and added her sight of things to the story. Then Rachel started a story about herself at age five taking classical ballet training and trying difficult moves at a barre. Mercedes could hardly suppress her giggles as did Kurt. "Stop it Rachel, you're making him laugh!"

"I am talking about my childhood trauma!", Rachel explained with such seriousness that Mercedes and Kurt couldn't help but laugh out loud and Kurt instantly winced and panted, "Ah, it hurts, hurts!"

"Oh sorry, Kurt, we're so sorry!" Both girls immediately patted him and mothered him and apologized over and over again. After a while Finn stuck his head in. "Okay, girls, visiting hours are over. It's time to leave. Let Kurt get some rest."

"Alright, we're leaving", Rachel said and smiled at Kurt. "Just call anytime and we'll come over to chat, okay?" She took her wet clothes which Kurt has bundled up into a towel and started for the door, but Finn got in her way and looked at her with puppy eyes. "Rachel, I'm so sorry for ruining your clothes. Let me bring them to a dry-cleaner's. I want to pay for it. Please, let me do this for you."

"Okay then", Rachel handed the bundle over to Finn, who took it and chose to ignore the distrustful look Kurt gave him.

"Bye Kurt", Mercedes hugged his shoulders and gave him a peck on his good cheek. "I love ya, my man. And will you please answer my texts from now on? It sucks when you don't answer!"

"Sorry, Mercedes. I promise I will text back." They left Kurt's room and went downstairs. Finn walked the girls to the door and then went straight into his room, where he opened the bundle, saw the red panties and bra and gave a little cry of victory, "Yes!" He held the bra up and sniffed at it. It smelled a lot like peach juice and was rather sticky. Well, it would do for Jacob.

"You are a pervert, Finn Hudson."

Finn flinched and turned around to see Kurt standing in the doorway.

"Are you that desperate?" Kurt glared at him with disgust.

"It's not what it looks like!", Finn tried to explain. "Those are not for me!"

Kurt held up a hand. "I don't think I want to hear this. Just tell me please you're not selling them on the internet!"

"No! What are you thinking? I wouldn't do something like that!" Finn exclaimed and waved Rachel's bra around.

Now Kurt put a hand over his mouth. "I think I'm gonna throw up, this is really gross! Finn, I didn't think you'd be capable of stealing girl's underwear!"

"Listen! These are not for me", Finn said and emphasized every word. "Actually, I'm doing this for you!"

"What? I didn't ask for Rachel's panties."

"No, I mean, not for you literally. God, you don't understand this! It's all about Karofsky!"

"Karofsky wants Rachel's undies?" Kurt narrowed his eyes in disbelief.

By now Finn was tearing at his hair. How should he explain this mess to Kurt? "No, he's not interested in Rachel. Karofsky's still after you!" Finn gestured wildly and didn't notice the fleeting expression of shock on Kurt's face.

"Why would you say that?", Kurt asked with a slight tremble in his voice.

"Because he asks for you. That's why we thought he might still be after you and maybe even responsible for the attack on you."

"It wasn't Karofsky who attacked me."

"I know. And I don't think he had anything to do with it either, because I've talked to him. It's just that I got the feeling that something is wrong with the guy. He acted weird when we talked about you. And then Jacob told me he had interesting news on him and would only sell it to me if I, well, if I got him Rachel's pants." The last words went down with shame. Now it all sounded so stupid even to himself.

"I don't want you to talk with Karofsky about me", now Kurt sounded really angry. "And I don't want you to sneak around him. Don't mess with him, Finn, you're just making things worse! And don't say you're doing this for me. Because I don't want to be involved with anything that includes Jacob, who is the most dangerous kind of gossiper in McKinley, probably in the whole town. Just give Rachel her undies back and forget about whatever it is you think Karofsky is up to."

"Okay, okay, you're right", Finn admitted, clearly defeated. "I didn't like the whole idea of it anyway."

"Good." Kurt crossed his arms, still giving him the evil eye. "I'll give you two days to get Rachel's clothes cleaned and give them back to her. Then I will call her and ask if you've done so. Are we clear?"

"Yeah, crystal clear", Finn said with a sigh and put the red bra back into the bundle.

Just then Kurt's phone buzzed, announcing a received text. Kurt pulled it out of the front pocket of Finn's sweater he was still wearing and read it. Instantly his face went pale and a sound of pure shock escaped his throat.

"What is it?" Finn asked anxious and watched Kurt's face. "Is it from Blaine?"

The phone slipped out of Kurt's shaking hand and landed with a thud on the carpet.

"Woah, careful, dude! You don't wanna break it." Finn bent down to pick it up and looked at the display, not caring that he was breaking Kurt's privacy by reading it. The message was sent by an unknown number and it just contained two words: die fag!

Finn squinted his eyes. He had a flashback of the night, when he had been standing in front of their door, staring utterly perplexed at the exact same words sprayed in red upon the wood. And he was thinking just what he had been thinking then: This can't be happening. Suddenly he felt a wave of strong emotions rush through him: disbelief, anger, hate, fear and most of all worry. Stunned and voiceless from this new horror Finn looked at Kurt, who was hugging himself, his whole body trembling.

With a fast move forward Kurt snatched his phone out of Finn's hand and turned to leave. "Kurt, wait!" Finn went to follow him and tried to get hold of Kurt's arm, but his brother fled as fast as he could upstairs. "Leave me alone!"

"Wait!" Finn shouted after him. "Let's talk about this!"

Kurt growled back at him over his shoulder. "I said, leave me the hell alone."

**Songs in Chapter 5:**

Olivia Newton-John – I honestly love you

Heart – Alone

Aerosmith – I don't wanna miss a thing

Rascal Flatts – I won't let go

Katy Perry – Firework

**Next ****to come:**

Kurt returns to Dalton and trys to find out to which school Blaine has transferred. His roommate Reed is worried over Kurt's reclusive behaviour. Then his friend Wesley has dreadful news on Blaine, which leave Kurt in a state of shock. Burt is worried that his son might be suicidal. Finn sells Rachel's underwear for info on Karofsky.

**Please R&R!**** :)**


	6. The One I Love

**Author's Note:**

I don't own nothing. This is just my mad imagination. I know I let Kurt suffer too much and I'm sorry to say it gets even worse in this chapter.

Again I'm sorry it took me so long to write this. The thing is that this chapter got much longer than expected. Kurt was supposed to get straight to Dalton, but then his New Direction friends had something in mind that I just had to take in. Everything else I originally planned for this chapter will go in the next one.

**Enjoy ****this chapter and please give me your feedback! :)**

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

Kurt sat in front of his mirror, staring with tired eyes at his image while holding an ice pack against the bruises on his left temple and chin that still were purple and itchy. The cold helped to ease the pain and the urge to scratch. It was also good for his incredible headache. Maybe he should take his concussion a bit more serious. But maybe he just didn't care.

Rachel's advice was hard to follow. Why should he make it harder for his family and for himself by whining and moaning about how awful life was? Whom would it be helping if he let himself be carried away by emotions that wouldn't get him nowhere? He needed to keep a sharp mind, he needed to think about his possibilities, how to reach out for Blaine. And he knew right now and here, there was nothing he could do. He loved his family, but he felt trapped in this house. And he couldn't stand living with the worried stares of his parents who expected him to have a breakdown any minute. Yeah, right, like the one he had had just this afternoon, clinging to his stepbrother and losing it. To be honest, he still felt like crying all of the time, but this wouldn't happen twice. Definitely not!

Gosh, and just what kind of craziness was going on in Finn's head? Kurt still didn't understand half of what Finn had told him about Jacob and Karofsky and Rachel's panties. And hell, how he hated Finn for making him think of Karofsky again. As if all of this wasn't bad enough yet, now his head was also swimming with memories of that scary jerk. When he closed his eyes he had flashbacks of the way Karofsky had looked at him in the school halls whenever he had passed him by. His lewd stares and juicy comments had always left Kurt unsettled, fearful and shaky. Who knew what that guy was thinking? He didn't want to know. Not at all!

A pair of accusing eyes gazed back at him in the mirror. Composure, Kurt Hummel, don't let yourself hang down like a puppet with cut strings, he told himself and straightened up. He hated feeling so weak and helpless. And although it was hard to stay composed, he ordered himself not to show any weakness anymore. When his family thought he was fine, he would finally be able to go and do something. He needed to get back to Dalton. He didn't know why, but he had a strong feeling that he would find some answers there with the help of his Dalton friends, who knew Blaine so much better than anyone else. Hell, he didn't even know where Blaine's family lived. Somewhere in Newark, right, but where exactly? He had already tried to find out the number of their house phone, but obviously they had a secret number. Who knew? He definitely knew nothing. Hey, what a great boyfriend he was!

Kurt held his wrist up, looked at his bracelet and stroked it with his fingers. Klaine. This is our truth, we belong together. This little golden thing was the only good thing in his life right now. The only thing he could hold on to and what kept him sane. No, he wouldn't doubt Blaine's love ever again and he knew Blaine needed him. Just hold on, love, just hold on a little bit longer.

He heard footsteps outside his door and an instant later there was a knock. Right, he had known Finn wouldn't give up that easily and sure enough it was his stepbrother who walked through the door of his bedroom and then leaned into the doorway of Kurt's bathroom. Kurt didn't bother looking up, but casually changed sides of his ice pack.

"Hey", Finn said gently. "Mum sent me to tell you dinner's ready."

Kurt let out a weary sigh. "Could you please tell her I'm tired? Maybe she could prepare a plate for me which I can warm up later? I'm sorry, I know how dad loves to have all of us gathered around the table, but I just can't stay awake for much longer." Hey, this wasn't even a lie, because the headache made his head feel heavy like stone and he just wanted to lay down.

Finn took a chair, placed it next to Kurt's and sat down with the backside of the chair in front of him, resting his arms on it and facing his brother with a serious expression. "We need to talk about that text message on your phone earlier."

"You think this is the first time I got called a fag?" Kurt turned to him with a resigned smile. "Ask me why I shut down my facebook account. And my MySpace blog. It gets annoying after a while."

"I bet it is the first time you got abused on your phone!", Finn made his point. Apparently he was eager to not let himself be put off by Kurt so easily again. "Only your friends know your number. Have you received texts like this before?"

"No, it's the only one", Kurt answered honestly and hated that his voice was slightly trembling. "And I couldn't care less if I got a hundreds of them. That's what the delete button is for."

"You're lying. I've seen your face when you read that message. It hurt you."

Something flickered across Kurt's face, but then he had composed his features back to that superior mask he was so used to wear. "Of course it hurts me to be called names by a stranger. If I called you a moron, you'd be upset, too. But if I called you a moron every day, you'd simply shrug it off."

"Yeah, but this is not just some idiot calling you names", Finn argued with heat in his voice. "This is a threat! You should take it serious! In fact, I think you _must_ tell our parents! And the police!"

"The police? Why should the police want to know that I got insulted?" Kurt looked at him as if he was nuts. "I'd have to report in daily."

"But this is different, because ... you know, because of what happened to you ..." Finn stammered, not knowing how he could make Kurt aware of the obvious threat in that damn text message.

"Don't get paranoid, Finn. There's no connection to what happened on New Year's!"

Now Finn fought with himself whether or not to tell him about the connection to the abusive words on their front door. Resigned he shook his head. "Listen, you need to get a new number in case this guy sends you more texts."

"Great advice!", Kurt replied sarcastically. "Just unfortunatly I can't. What if Blaine wants to reach me? He knows my number by heart, so even though he has gotten himself a new phone, he ..." Kurt stopped himself in mid-sentence as something occured to him. "Could this be the reason why he changed his number? Could it be he got abused on his phone, too?" He tossed the ice pack with an angry throw into the basin. "All these questions! All these possibilities! It drives me crazy! It's just fishing in the dark! We won't know until Blaine shows up and tells us!"

"I don't know what happened to Blaine", Finn said calmly. "But the problem at hand is not about Blaine, it's about you and I don't like it. Promise me to tell me immediately when you receive another text like this one, okay?"

"If you want to count all the times I get abused, you'll be a busy man, Finn", Kurt said with an angry edge in his voice. "Look, we don't have a clue who's behind this. It could be some nerd who's having a jolly good time freaking people out by sending anonymous texts to random numbers. And I am as sure as the hell is hot that it is not a serial killer who's having me on his list. And just so you know, I've already deleted this stupid text and I don't think there'll be more."

"But if you get another one, you will tell me! Understand?" Finn grasped Kurt's arm. "I'm serious about this, Kurt!"

Kurt turned indifferent eyes on him. "And I'm tired about this. I don't care about what happened to me, neither the assault on New Year's nor this stupid text. All I care about is Blaine."

Just then Kurt's phone on the counter buzzed and both boys stared at it with wide eyes as if expecting it to explode. Finn noticed that Kurt hesitated before he reached for it and that his hand was trembling slightly as it closed around his phone.

Kurt read the name of the sender and tried not to look as relieved as he felt when he announced, "It's Mercedes." He texted her right back and ignored his brother's don't-play-dumb-with-me gaze. "In case I receive further texts, I will tell you, okay? I promise", Kurt said without looking up at Finn. "But don't tell our parents about it. There's no need to freak them out any more than they already are. Deal?"

"Deal." His brother nodded, content for the moment and left the room.

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

Kurt didn't sleep long, just two or three hours, but when he woke up his headache was much better. However his stomach was grumbling loudly at him. It reminded him of the dinner plate Carole wanted to leave him. So he got up and sneaked into the kitchen, found the plate Carole had prepared for him in the fridge and took it out. He had no intention of eating it. No use in trying, his throat still felt swollen and thick just thinking about food. His stomach however growled demandingly at the sight of the goodies. "Oh, shut up", he told his belly and took a bottle of milk out of the fridge. "Be content with this." He filled himself a big cup and began to drink, but spilled some milk over the corners of his mouth.

"Great, Kurt Hummel, you're being as gracious as always", he muttered annoyed to himself and looked in the drawers for a straw, then finished his cup of milk with it. "Woah", Kurt leaned over the sink with a sudden need of retching. He waited but nothing happened. Okay then, wonderful, he was totally fine with not throwing up into the kitchen sink. After a while, when he was sure he wouldn't be sick, he turned to the fridge again and poured himself a cup of apple juice to get rid of the disgusting taste in his mouth. He got himself a fresh cup and a new straw and his belly seemed to be quite happy with some juice.

So he grabbed his cup of apple juice and wanted to carry the plate upstairs and flush it down the toilet, just when his dad walked around the corner. "Hey kiddo, up for a midnight snack?" Kurt stopped short and smiled uneasily, not sure about what to do. "You don't want to eat it cold, do you?" His father pointed to the plate in his hands that was still covered up with plastic wrap.

"No, of course not", Kurt turned automatically to the microwave, removed the plastic wrap and put the plate inside. "Let me keep you company while you eat", Burt offered and sat down at the table. "You don't need to", Kurt said hastily. "I wanted to take it upstairs to eat in my room."

"Come on, Kurt. It's ten past eleven. Carole's already asleep, she's having an early day tomorrow. And I don't want to spend my time watching TV when I could have a talk with my son."

"Very nice said", Kurt plastered a smile on his face and sat down opposite of his dad while waiting for the microwave to ring.

"Finn told me you were upset today."

Kurt moaned in disbelief and looked up to the ceiling. "What did he tell you?"

"He said that you're worried about Blaine, but I figured as much myself." Burt folded his hands on the table and shook his head slowly. "You know, your friends told me. David, Wesley, Reed, back in the hospital. I like all the three of them, they seem to be good friends. And well, they told me Blaine has left Dalton and that it is a big mystery why."

Burt noticed how Kurt's right hand fumbled with the bracelet on his left wrist. His eyes were straying around the living room, but not really seeing anything. "It's his father", Kurt finally said. "I just know it. I can't think of anything else. He made Blaine leave Dalton."

"Is there no way you could contact him? I don't know, like e-mail him or something. There are so many modern ways to communicate, aren't there?"

Kurt counted down on the fingers of one hand: "He doesn't answer his emails, he apparently got a new phone, his facebook account is gone, which I just can't believe, because he totally loved it. Well, when it all comes down to modern communication, he's practically vanished from earth. I would write him an oldfashioned letter if I knew his address."

"Maybe his family had their reasons to send him to another school. It could be as simple as the possibility that they moved to another town. Maybe he's too busy with stuff to contact you right now and will as soon as he figured all out."

"Nice try to cheer me up, Dad, but do you actually hear yourself talk?" Kurt looked at his dad as if he was out of space. "Wouldn't you be worried if Carole suddenly disappeared without a word and left you with nothing except the knowledge she didn't leave on her free will? Wouldn't it be possible for her to pick up a phone somewhere and give you at least a goddamn call to let you know she was okay? Tell me, what would you do, Dad?"

"Yeah, right, I'd probaby move the world to get to her", Burt answered honestly and his expression got serious. "But Kurt, this is a different situation. Blaine is still a minor and his parents are responsible for him. If his father decides it was best for him to leave Dalton, it's his right to move his son somewhere else, even if Blaine wasn't okay with his father's decision. I'm not saying I would agree to such drastic measures, but Blaine would have no choice. Well, he told us his father wasn't okay with him being gay. I can only assume his father doesn't like him to be in an all boys school anymore and probably Blaine is keeping his head low by not contacting you for a while."

Burt opened his hands and looked at his son insistently. "So I suggest you don't drive yourself crazy over this and be patient. I'm sure nothing serious happened to him and he will contact you eventually." Burt knew his answer wasn't a satisfying one, but he was sure Kurt was overreacting and when Blaine would finally show up they'd laugh about everything.

He didn't want to think about the other possibility, which was that maybe Blaine had gotten sick and couldn't move a finger while his family simply didn't think of contacting Kurt, because nobody knew he was Blaine's boyfriend. But that wouldn't explain why the boy had left Dalton for good. Oh dear, Burt got a headache thinking about what might have happened and guessed this worry was a hundred times worse for Kurt. Distraction was the key. "So, I also heard the girls paid you a visit? That's good, you need your friends now, Kurt. I don't like the way you hide away in your room."

"Well, yeah, you're right. I should get out of here", Kurt agreed a bit too eagerly. "That's why I was thinking about going back to school on Monday."

Burt frowned. "Really? I don't think that's a good idea. It's too soon, Kurt. You just got out of hospital." He turned worried eyes at his son, whose face still was bruised. The boy tried to cover it up with make-up, but the one on his temple still was swollen and bright purple. You could see with one look that Kurt had been in a fight, well, attack. And then there were the many bruises all over his body from the kicks at his chest and sides. Burt had seen them at the hospital and knew they were painful, too. Just thinking about how this guy had kicked at his son on the ground with his heavy boots made him clench his fists. "You need to rest and let your injuries heal."

Kurt noticed him staring at his bruises and turned around a bit, so his dad would just see his good side. "Come on, Dad, I need to go to school. I will miss too much classes. I'm not sick. I can attend class. And I promise if I should feel unwell I will go to my room and lay down or I will go to the school nurse. Besides, I need to talk to my friends. They can distract me from thinking too much." Kurt knew he had pushed the right button. His dad had always been concerned about him having no friends. When he had joined glee club at McKinley his dad had been happy to see he had actually made friends and when he'd transferred to Dalton Academy his dad had been stunned to see how many friends he'd made in such a short period of time.

Burt thought about this. He didn't want to let Kurt go so soon, but the boy had a point. In Dalton he was around people all of the time, his friends would watch out for him and he had a roommate which meant he wouldn't be sleeping alone. This point was very important to Burt, because Kurt still had trouble breathing when he got upset. So if he had a nightmare, his roommate would be there for him.

The boys from Dalton seemed to be genuinely good boys. David and Wesley had made a very good impression on him when he had talked to them in the hospital. When that Reed-kid had left Kurt's sickroom, his face all tear-stained and obviously worked up, both boys had jumped to their feet and Wesley had pulled the smaller boy into a hug. "Thanks for letting me talk to Kurt, Mr Hummel", Reed had said courteously and had wiped at his eyes, not at all ashamed that he had been crying. The boy definitely was a sensitive one and he trusted him to notice when Kurt was miserable. Maybe it was a good idea to let Kurt go back there and let his friends take care of him.

Also another point was that Burt couldn't skip any more work hours to stay home with the boy. Jeremy was a great help when it came to take care of cars, but he was very sloppy with paperwork, so that Burt would possibly spend hours in his office just correcting his mistakes. But before he agreed to Kurt's return to Dalton, there was one more thing that needed to be thought of: "I won't let you drive a two hour drive on your own! And you know I'd do anything for you, but I don't really fancy driving you there, which would be a four hours drive for me there and back again."

"Okay, what if I could get a ride?", Kurt suggested and Burt was astonished by how enthusiastic his son suddenly sounded. "Hang on, I'll call Wes. His girlfriend lives near Lima. I bet he could pick me up."

"Don't you think it's a bit late to call your friend?"

"It's a Friday night, Dad", Kurt replied and narrowed his eyebrows at his father's uncool comment. "Only babies and old people are in bed now."

Burt chuckled at this and gestured him to go on with his call. Kurt got his phone out, which he still carried in the front pocket of Finn's sweater and dialed Wesley's number.

"Hey there, Kurt, how are you?"

"Hi Wes, thanks, how are you? Listen, I need a favour."

"Sure. What can I do for you?"

"I'm planning on coming back to school next week. So I was wondering if you stayed at your girlfriend's this weekend? If so, could you pick me up on Sunday when you're on your way back to Dalton?"

"Sure, no problem. But, are you sure you wanna be back for school so soon? I thought you were still in hospital."

"No, I'm already home. Don't worry about me. I'm ...", Kurt wanted to say _fine_, but his father watched him and after their argument of last night he changed his words and said, "not really okay yet, but definitely better. And you know, I don't want to miss too much classes."

"We could sent you homework, you know."

"I know, thanks. But I want to. So, just tell me what time you'll come around on Sunday and I'll be ready." Kurt hung up and looked with a relieved smile to his father. "It's settled. Wes will pick me up on Sunday afternoon and drops me off again on Friday."

"Alright then", Burt agreed, but wasn't truly happy about the arrangement. Kurt stood and grabbed his cup of apple juice. "Goodnight, dad." It was when Kurt was already back upstairs, that Burt noticed his food was still in the microwave. They must have overheard the ringing sound that announced the time was up. With a sigh Burt took it out and brought the plate upstairs. He knocked and peeked into his son's bedroom. "Forgotten something?"

Kurt looked up from a book he had settled himself with on his bed and arched his eyebrows questionly. Burt came in and set the plate down on the nightstand. "Enjoy your dinner, kiddo. And here's one of your pills for the night."

"Oh yeah, thanks, Dad." Kurt swallowed the pill and took a sip of juice to down it.

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

Rachel, Mercedes and Tina came by the next day and together with Finn they asked Carole and Burt if they could kidnap Kurt for an hour. "We have a little surprise for him", Finn explained. "We won't be far and we will watch out for him!"

"Don't worry, we'll bring him back safe and whole", Mercedes smiled brightly and went upstairs together with the girls to pick up Kurt, who had been forewarned by Mercedes. He was standing in front of his wardrobe, apparently lost in the choice of clothing. "Have I mentioned to you that I hate surprises?" Kurt greeted the giggling girls with a frown.

"I know, sweetheart, that's why I texted you an hour ago and told you we're coming", Mercedes replied with a merciless grin.

"How am I supposed to choose something to wear, when I don't know where we're going?" Kurt complained and gestured helplessly toward the insides of his wardrobe.

"I like what you're wearing", Tina said, which was a black zip-up hoodie, a red jeans and his knee-high black Doc Martens.

"Me, too", Rachel stated and gave him a thump-up. "And you look much better than yesterday, which is good, because we're planning to broadcast worldwide."

"Pardon? _What_ are you planning on broadcasting?" Kurt's eyes widened with shock, but Mercedes nudged Rachel's side and smiled up at him. "Nothing, Kurt. Don't listen to Rachel's jabber. Come on, you look good and don't forget your coat, baby, it's cold outside", Mercedes said and took his coat to help him put it on. Kurt glanced at her with an unreadable expression and Mercedes noted his immediate change in mood. "What? What did I say?"

"It's nothing", Kurt said with a sigh and shook the memory off. "It's just a song I sang together with Blaine." Tina looked puzzled. "Is there a song about a coat?"

"No", Kurt replied calmly. "It's a song called _Baby, it's cold outside._ It just reminded me of him. Never mind." He put on his coat and scarf and tried to look cheerful. "I'm ready for whatever." Mercedes and Tina both linked arms with him and drew him along. "Okay, now, where are you taking me?", Kurt inquired as he was led outside.

"You'll see soon enough", Finn said, who leaned casually against his car. "Like, really soon. It's just a fifteen minutes drive." Finn bowed playfully and opened the door to the back of his car, where Kurt was being settled amidst the two girls, while Rachel sat in the passengers seat next to Finn. Soon Kurt saw they were heading towards McKinley High. "Okay, you're kidnapping me to bring me to school on a Saturday. What is this about?"

"We got the auditorium for us today", Rachel blurtet out excitedly, before anyone could stop her. "We thought you could sing something for Blaine and we'll play it on _youtube_." Kurt pursed his lips and considered this for a sec. It was actually quite a good idea.

They parked and entered the school grounds. Kurt had a sudden feeling of coming home. Even though the school was empty today except for them, it was an odd feeling to return to McKinley and suddenly he missed being here, being with his glee club fellows, being with Mercedes and _everything_ so much it hurt. He felt he was being extremely emotional today, which was no good in his current situation. Please no emotional breakdown today, Kurt Hummel, he told himself. He just needed to think of the pain he had endured yesterday, when he had cried in Finn's arms and every emotion was stored away neatly back inside himself.

Puck, Artie and Brittany were waiting for them in the auditorium, the boys armed with guitars and Brittany armed with her most charming smile and a pair of really short pink shorts. "Geez, Britt, aren't you freezing?" Kurt asked astonished at the sight of her.

"Yeah, I do, but before we left Artie said I looked hot and I thought being hot would keep me warm, but no." She shrugged and Kurt shook his head. Oh, how he had missed her incredible comments.

"Unfortunately the musicians let us down", Rachel said with a sigh. "But Noah and Artie offered to play along with their guitars."

"And I can do drums." Finn took his seat behind the drums and spun the sticks in his hands.

"But first, we have prepared a song especially for you, Kurt", Mercedes took his hands and led him to a seat in the front row with perfect view of the stage. "Listen closely, baby. And we try not to make you cry."

"Is the camera set?", Rachel asked and then turned to Kurt. "We're recording this one, too, because it's not just for you, but for Blaine as well."

Puck took care of the setting of the camera and then counted down to three. The glee club kids started snapping their fingers in time to the music and while they all started humming, Artie began to sing a preamble in a low speaking voice:

"And love is not the easy thing  
>The only baggage you can bring...<br>And love is not the easy thing...  
>The only baggage you can bring<br>Is all that you can't leave behind"

Now Puck started singing in his husky manly voice, while stroking his guitar and giving the lead melody.

"And if the darkness is to keep us apart  
>And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off"<p>

Finn sitting behind the drums was next:

"And if your glass heart should crack  
>And for a second you turn back<br>Oh no, be strong!"

Now the New Direction kids joined their voices to sing the chorus together:

"Walk on, walk on  
>What you got, they can't steal it<br>No they can't even feel it  
>Walk on, walk on<br>Stay safe tonight..."

Brittany stepped forward swinging her hips and swaying around while singing:

"You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been

A place that has to be believed to be seen"

Mercedes sang the next verse in her strong voice:

"You could have flown away  
>A singing bird in an open cage<br>Who will only fly, only fly for freedom!"

The glee club kids sang the chorus together again:

"Walk on, walk on  
>What you got they can't deny it<br>Can't sell it or buy it  
>Walk on, walk on<br>Stay safe tonight!"

Rachel put her right hand on her heart and gave all she had:

"And I know it aches  
>And your heart it breaks<br>And you can only take so much  
>Walk on, walk on!"<p>

Tina smiled sweetly when it was her time to step forward and sing for him.

"Home...hard to know what it is if you never had one  
>Home...I can't say where it is but I know I'm going home<br>That's where the heart is!"

At the end of the song all of them were singing together:

"I know it aches  
>How your heart it breaks<br>And you can only take so much  
>Walk on, walk on!"<p>

Kurt wiped a few tears from his eyes that had spilled over, but stayed composed so far. "Thank you", he mouthed. All his friends came down to hug him carefully and to lead him up on the stage again. "Now, if you want to, we can record a song or a message for Blaine", Mercedes told him. "Do you have anything in mind?"

Kurt paced the stage, but didn't feel much inspired. If he had his true voice back, there'd be a hundred possible songs he could sing to his boyfriend. But now he was extremely limited. He had liked the song by U2 and it didn't surprise him to hear that it had been Finn's and Puck's choice. And thinking of soft rock songs, there was one that came to his mind. Kurt turned to the boys. "I suppose you know _The one I love_?"

"You bet", Puck answered and stroked his guitar. "Good choice, Hummel."

"An R.E.M. classic?" Rachel sounded rather disappointed. "But it's so low, it doesn't suit your voice at all. Also it doesn't even have much lyrics. Besides, I had been thinking about doing _Without_ _you_ by Mariah Carey or _Unbreak_ _my_ _heart_ by Toni Braxton and therefore I have prepared the lyrics for you and the background singers…" Rachel started sharing out papers, but was nudged again by Mercedes. "Kurt can't sing high notes with his breathing problems, remember?"

"Yeah, I know, but I thought I could help him out with the high notes!"

"By singing the whole song for him?" Tina frowned and crossed her arms. "This is supposed to be Kurt's message to Blaine. Let him do whatever he wants to do."

"I don't need much words to express how I feel", Kurt explained. "I just want Blaine to know that I'm here, waiting for him and that I'm not letting go."

"It's the perfect song", Mercedes smiled approvingly at him. "We'll back you up."

"Ready, set, go", Puck announced and Kurt positioned himself in front of the camera. Artie and Puck began stroking their guitars, while Finn gave the beat. With an unusual low deep voice Kurt began to sing.

"This one goes out to the one I love  
>This one goes out to the one I've left behind<br>A simple prop to occupy my time  
>This one goes out to the one I love"<p>

The four girls stood behind him, raising their fists as well as their voices:

"Fire (she's comin' down on her own, now)  
>Fire (she's comin' down on her own, now)"<p>

Kurt held out his hand up into the air, as if trying to reach out for his boyfriend, his eyes locked on a spot in the air only he could see.

"This one goes out to the one I love  
>This one goes out to the one I've left behind<br>A simple prop to occupy my time  
>This one goes out to the one I love!"<p>

They repeated the chorus with increasing intensity until tears were running down Kurt's face he turned away to calm down again. Artie took the camera and promised to upload the clips as soon as possible. "Has this been your idea?", Kurt asked Rachel and she nodded, handing out a handkerchief to him. "Thanks, Rachel. This really means a lot to me. It gives me the feeling of finally doing something, moving a bit in Blaine's direction and not just sitting around and waiting for something to happen."

"I know", Rachel nodded. "And when Blaine has the chance to search the internet for a message, he'll see this and he will know he is not forgotten." She sqeezed his arm and smiled up at him. "I still would have loved to do _Without you_. But well, I can still do it tonight at home, upload it on my own account and dedicate it to Finn."

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Wesley was right on time to pick Kurt up on Sunday afternoon. Carole wanted to invite him in to have coffee and cake, but Kurt was in a rush and shoved his friend out of the house again and waved his goodbyes at his family. Contrary to his usual self Kurt was quiet and rather sleepy during the two hour drive and so Wesley didn't force any conversation on him and listened to some music instead. However the moment they arrived at the grounds of Dalton Academy, Kurt sprung into action. He jumped out of the car, retrieved his travel bag from the trunk and stormed towards the building. Wesley almost couldn't keep up with him. "Wait up! What's the hurry?"

"I've wasted too much time already!", Kurt answered mysteriously without slowing down. After entering the dormitory and having dropped off his bag in his room, Kurt headed for the common room with Wesley close behind. The boys occupying the room looked up to see who was coming. However, before anybody could say a word to welcome him, Kurt shouted out in a voice that required instant obedience, "David, Reed. Emergency meeting in David's room!" and turned to leave again, pulling an equally irritated Wesley along with him.

"Woah, what? Now?", David got to his feet from the couch he was lounging in. Kurt turned around to face him. "I thought I was being clear. So what part of _emergency_ don't you understand? What's the definition of an emergency, Wes?" Kurt asked like an annoyed teacher.

"Uhm, a serious situation that happens unexpectedly and demands immediate action?"

"Right. Which means, _now_!" Kurt turned on his heels again and headed sharp for the room David shared with Wesley.

"Okay, okay, we're right with you. But why my room?" David asked and had to speed up to keep up with Kurt.

"Because you got the best computer skills of all of us. And the best PC."

"Well, thanks, I'm flattered", David laughed. "But what do we need my skills for?"

"Isn't that obvious?", Kurt asked with a headshake. "We need to search the internet and find out to which school Blaine goes to and when we have a clue we can go there and look for him." Kurt stopped in front of his friends bedroom door and the three of them gathered around him, apparently in awe that he was walking and talking and being a bitch when he had been halfdead in hospital just a few days ago. Well, not really halfdead, but definitely knocked out. Everyone else would moan about their injuries, but Kurt was up and about to fight a battle for his boyfriend.

"Oh, okay then!" David said and opened the door. Kurt collapsed instantly into the couch next to David's desk, panting slightly from his run and his being bitchy to his friends who were too slow on the uptake today. Kurt sighed. He knew he was being impatient, but he felt like he had lost too much time already. Reed took the seat next to him and stared at him with admiring eyes, while Wes and David sat in their swivel chairs and started the PC.

"So, I assume we can leave out public schools", Kurt started. "We need to check all private schools in Ohio. I need you to help me out here. Do you have any ideas which fancy private school a rich daddy might think is suitable for his son when Dalton is not available?"

"There'll be a few", David replied and searched the internet for private schools.

"Shouldn't we stake the range of the search area a bit wider than just Ohio?", Reed asked with a tiny voice. Kurt looked at him wide eyed. "Why would you suggest this?"

"Because although their house in Newark is their main house, Blaine's family also ownes places in California and in Colorado."

Kurt gaped at his friend and then blinked irritated. "They do have more than one house to live in?"

"Yes, three. And his father is about to purchase another one near New York, because he travels there a lot for work."

"How do you know all this?", Kurt asked quietly.

"Shane told me, you know, when we were still talking", Reed explained in a sad voice. "You know Shane's going to a school in Colorado. But Blaine has not transferred to the same school, because Shane's classmate I'm emailing with would have told me."

Kurt stood abruptly and began to pace. This was a nightmare. How come he didn't know any of this? Well, he had never asked his boyfriend too many questions about his family situation. He had known that Blaine's family was kind of rich, but he didn't have a clue that they were that rich, like owning several houses all over America kind of rich. What else was there he didn't know about Blaine and that might be important to get a grip on him now? Obviously Shane was a lot more talkative than this older brother when it came to family business.

"My cousin goes to this school", David pointed out to the screen. "It's the nearest school to Newark apart from Dalton. I could ask her if some newbies arrived lately. Someone like Blaine would definitely get noticed."

"Great! Do that, David", Kurt said and David nodded and continued to scroll down the list on his screen. "How about _now_, David?" Kurt prompted with an commanding tone which made the three boys look up. "Oh, okay, right", David got his phone out and rang his cousin. After exchanging a few courtesy's he asked her for new students at her school, which she denied, but promised to ring him if anyone arrived the next few weeks. "Sorry, no luck here, Kurt", David said with a pout.

"Thanks, David", Kurt replied and rubbed his forehead as a headache started to build up.

"We could maybe call some of these schools and ask for new student arrivals", Wesley suggested. "I don't know if they're allowed to tell, but if we played dumb and just asked for it, we might be lucky."

"No, this is getting us nowhere", Kurt said and stopped pacing. He was getting frustrated. With a sigh he leaned against the window sill. "We can't ring up every damn private school in Ohio, California _and_ Colorado just in case."

"So, what do you wanna do?" Wesley asked him while swinging from side to side on his swivel chair.

"I'm going to Principal Walken first thing tomorrow morning", Kurt answered, "and ask him to which school Blaine has transferred."

"You think he'll tell you?", David asked doubtful. "After all it's private information on a student."

"We'll see", Kurt replied. "It's all I can think of right now."

"I still don't get it", Wes burst out. "Why didn't Blaine tell us? How could he not have known that his father was planning on getting him to another school? Something like this is not decided over night."

"If he had suspected anything, he would have told us", David assured them. "What I don't get is, why he's not contacting us _now_!"

"Has anyone of you noticed any unusual behaviour on Blaine's part before Christmas break?", Kurt now asked his friends. He knew he was the one who was closest to Blaine by now, but he was in love with him, which could lead to a very subjective point of view. Maybe he had been blinded by love and not noticed things his friends would have.

"No, not really", Wesley answered with a shrug, "except maybe that he would ask me to put on my _Beyoncé_ collection on the stereo when we were studying together and then he would get a dreamy look every time _Single_ _Ladies_ was played. I don't think he could have had a crush on Beyoncé, could he?"

"Have you seen her dance to that song?", David asked with a wide grin on his face. "She sure is one hot lady! You couldn't even blame a gay dude to fall for her."

"This is not helping", Kurt reminded them. "Stay focused! Talking about singing beautys is not getting us nowhere!"

David turned to Kurt. "Hey, before I forget, I saw your clip singing _The One I Love_. I think it's a cool idea to sing a message to Blaine and very dramatic. I like the other one, too. U2's _Walk_ _on_. Very emotional. And hell, your friends from New Directions have some great voices!"

"Where have you seen those clips?", Kurt asked astonished. Sure, he could imagine that Artie had already uploaded those music clips yesterday, but David didn't know about them and therefore surely didn't look for them. If David had already seen them, maybe Blaine had as well, if he had the chance of scrolling through the internet.

"All your friends have it on their MySpace and facebook blogs", David answered. "And well, I happen to occasionally scan Santana's blog for new pictures of her and, well, there I've seen them."

They sat together for another hour, talking about how they had spent their holiday break and filling Kurt in at what he had missed the first week of school. They avoided talking any more about their missing friend, but Blaine Anderson was on their minds all along, especially on Kurt's.

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On their way to their room for the night Kurt and Reed passed the door of Blaine's former room and Kurt stopped short. The door was left slightly ajar. "Go on, Reed, I won't be long", Kurt told his roommate and turned to the door. Reed glanced at him with concern. "Don't go in there", he said and grabbed Kurt's sleeve. "Why not?", Kurt asked and furrowed his brows. "It'll make you sad", Reed said gravely. "It made me sad, when I went in there last week."

"I am sad since the last time I saw him." Kurt tried to smile for his friend, but couldn't make the edges of his mouth move upwards. Reed nodded understandingly and reluctantly retreated. "I'll be, you know, in our room."

Blaine didn't have a roommate, so the place was abandoned. Kurt took a deep breath before he stepped inside and looked around. Everything Blaine had owned was gone. His clothes, his school books on the shelves, his guitar, his PC, the stereo, his CD collection, his posters on the walls. There was no sign, not a single trace of the last occupant left. Even the linen on the bed had been taken away, leaving a naked mattress, where Blaine had used to sleep. Everything was emptied and set back to zero, waiting for another student to come along and breathe life into these four walls.

Kurt walked slowly across the room and sat down on the mattress. Although the place looked so very wrong, he could still sense Blaine's presence. His smell still lingered in the room, especially at the bedside. Kurt leaned back, closed his eyes and a very vivid memory came to him. It had been a few days before Christmas break when he had been over to Blaine's room one evening and they had been sitting on Blaine's bed together.

They had been talking, well, he had been talking and Blaine had been staring at him with that goofy grin on his lips which most of the time was a sure sign that he wasn't listening. Nevertheless Kurt had been rambling on about how annoying it was that Finn and Rachel got together again and that Rachel had taken over Finn's whole life, making silly couple calenders and telling him how to dress and how to behave and how relieved he was that Blaine wasn't trying to change him or telling him when they had to meet or who he was allowed to stay friends with and then out of nowhere Blaine had kissed him in midsentence.

At first he wanted to protest and complain about Blaine not paying attention to him, but then this kiss was so soft and sweet and simply overpowered everything else that was going on in his head. What had he been talking about? Who cared? Kurt kissed him back and his hands found their way to Blaine's neck and into his hair, while Blaine's hands were exploring his sides and hips and legs and Kurt had to tame those much too curious hands by putting them back above waistline.

Blaine leaned more into the kiss, pushing Kurt gently back on the mattress and now his hands were above waistline, yes, but they were fumbling with Kurt's shirt buttons and sliding underneath to stroke his skin. Kurt loved Blaine's hands on his skin, but wasn't yet prepared to let him touch his chest and stomach and who knew what else might follow. He broke the kiss and propped up on his ellbows. "I think I should leave", he mumbled a bit breathless.

"You can't go now", Blaine announced. It was no plea, it was a simple statement.

"Why not?" Kurt asked taken aback.

"_Because_", and at this Blaine's cheeky smile returned, "your lips are swollen and your cheeks are treacherously blushed and your hair is a mess."

"My hair?" Kurt reached up to touch his hair-do carefully. "But you haven't messed with it."

"Not yet", Blaine threatened with a Cheshire cat smile and raised his hands slowly towards Kurt's hair.

"Oh no, you won't!" Kurt jumped to his feet, trying to reach the door, but Blaine blocked his way and started chased him around the room, both of them giggling and laughing and Kurt kept escaping Blaine's grasp until his boyfriend had him trapped between wall and desk.

"Not the hair!", Kurt pleaded when Blaine pushed him gently against the desk, a challenging grin on his lips. "Alright, how about a trade?", Blaine offered merciful. "I won't touch your hair when you let me take your shirt off and caress your chest. With my lips!"

"That's not trading, that's blackmailing", Kurt replied, blushing even more. "And it's not fair when the second choice is even worse than the first."

"Ouch, that hurts", Blaine said with a pout. "Don't you like it when I touch you?"

"No", Kurt answered and rolled his eyes. "I like it _too much_, that's the problem." He narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend. "And I don't trust you to stop yourself once you're into it, Mr Anderson."

"It's not my fault, Mr Hummel." With an enchanting smile Blaine embraced him and began kissing Kurt's jaw, mumbling softly against his skin, "How am I supposed to stop myself when you are like this?"

"Like what?", Kurt asked with a shiver when Blaine's warm breath blew over his neck.

"Absolutely delicious", Blaine answered in a whisper and his lips found the sensible skin underneath Kurt's right ear. Kurt couldn't help but close his eyes and lean into the sensation of Blaine's mouth on his neck. "Don't", he objected feebly. "I told you, no love bites, Blaine."

"Why not?", Blaine muttered under his breath. "You're wearing scarves all the time anyway."

Kurt pushed his boyfriend at arm's length and looked sternly into his eyes. "Where is that charming gentleman I sang _Baby, it's cold outside_ with?"

"I'm afraid we have lost him", Blaine sighed dramatically. "He drowned into those ocean deep blue eyes of yours and never came back."

Kurt chuckled at this and before he could avert it his boyfriend's lips were on his own again, kissing him with a new kind of passion that was just overwhelming. Blaine pressed his body firmly against Kurt's and they both shivered from being this close. "I'm crazy about you", Blaine panted and looked at him with serious hazel eyes, "and there's nothing I can do about it." Kurt nodded at this while his heart was melting away. "Then don't", he whispered and he took Blaine's face into both of his hands and pulled him back in to continue that kiss.

With a gasp Kurt flicked back to the present and the deserted room he was sitting in. A sudden panic clasped his heart and he fled back into the hall. He couldn't bear to see the emptiness of Blaine's room any longer. It reminded him too much of the empty space inside himself, the gaping hole Blaine has left him with. When he entered their shared room, Reed looked up, but he didn't say a word and Kurt was deeply grateful for the silence.

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On Monday morning before classes started, Kurt went directly to the principal's office and was disappointed to see that he wasn't there yet. Kurt waited in front of the door, determined to speak to him today no matter what. When the man finally showed up classes had already begun, but Kurt didn't care. Principal Walken however did. "What are you doing here lingering at my door? Don't you have class?"

"Yes, sir, but this is urgent. Do you have a minute, please?"

"Wait, you're Kurt Hummel, right? Haven't you been in hospital last week? After the call I got from your father I didn't expect you to be back this soon."

"I got restless at home. Too much time to think about what happened", Kurt said and put a pityful expression on his face, clearly fishing for sympathy. "I figured I had more distraction at school. And I didn't want to miss too much classes."

Principal Walken nodded his understandingly and smiled encouraging at his student. Kurt knew the man was very compassional and a great supporter of the zero tolerance bullying policy at this school. He hoped his situation would melt the man and make him talkative. "What can I do for you, Hummel?"

"I need you to tell me to which school Blaine Anderson has transferred. Please." Kurt got straight to the point.

"I'm sorry, but you know I can't tell you that." Principal Walken gestured apologetically. "We have a strict data confidentiality at Dalton."

Now Kurt tilted the bad side of his face towards the man. He could be manipulative if he wanted to. Come on, man, I've been beaten enough already, just give me an answer. "The thing is that Blaine's phone must be broken and I cannot reach him. I know you're bound to discretion, Principal Walken, but please could you make an exception. I really need to speak to Blaine."

"I wish I could help you, but I simply can't. The truth is I don't even know to which school he has transferred to. His father just wished his file handed out and wanted to take care of everything else himself. I'm sorry." The man smiled down at him with sympathy. "Now hurry and get to class, Hummel."

"He's lying", Kurt told Reed under his breath during their French class. "He must know to which school Blaine has transferred."

"You can't make him tell you", Reed whispered back and tapped nervously with his pencil against the sheet of paper in front of him.

"No, I can't", Kurt confirmed with a sideglance at his friend, "but I can break into his office and have a look at Blaine's file myself."

At this Reed dropped his pencil. For a second he stared at Kurt incrediously, then he bent down to get his pencil and banged his head loudly on the table on his way back up. "Ouch!"

Their teacher turned around and looked a little annoyed at the clumsy boy who had already hit his shoulder at the doorframe _and_ bumped against her desk today. "Van Kamp, tu t'es blessé?"

"Non, Madame Donovan. Je vais bien", Reed replied with blushed cheeks and rubbed his curly head.

"Tant bien que mal", Kurt muttered to himself. When Mrs Donovan resumed her lesson on grammatics, Reed leaned towards Kurt again. "How do you wanna do it?"

"With a little help of my friends", Kurt answered and wrote a few words on a sheet of paper, folding it twice and waiting for Mrs Donovan to turn to the chalkboard, he threw the paper to Wesley, who was sitting three tables to his left. The Asian boy looked up, blinked sleepily and opened the message. He recognized Kurt's accurate handwriting and read silently, "_Emergency meeting. Common room. 11.45 am sharp!_" Whatever Kurt was planning on doing, Wesley definitely wanted to be part of it. He glanced over at Kurt and gave him a thump-up. Kurt nodded slightly at him and continued acting like he was paying attention to class.

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On Monday morning Finn walked through the hallways of McKinley High to look for Jacob, in his hands a brown paper bag. Kurt had granted him a delay of further two days to return Rachel's clothes, because he had told him he couldn't find a dry-cleaners that worked on the weekend.

He saw Karofsky first. His football teammate just got around a corner, his eyes scanning the hallway for victims as usual. Also as usual nobody dared to get in his way. For a fleeting moment Finn thought Dave Karofsky must feel quite lonely. But then he remembered how this guy had scared Kurt away from this school, how he had threatened his life, how great an ass he was! No compassion for the compassionless. Finn didn't want to talk to him, so he turned around to walk away. An instant later he heard Karofsky call out for him. "Hey Hudson!"

With a forced smile Finn waved at him, but walked on. Karofsky nodded at him from afar, signaling him to stop and wait for him. Finn considered his options. He could act like he didn't understand and quicken his pace, and if Karofsky called out for him again, he could act like he was deaf. Cool plan, but too late. Karofsky already walked up to his side. "Whassup, dude?" He held his hand up for a high five and reluctantly Finn clapped hands with him.

"What you got there? A snack?" Karofsky pointed to the brown paper bag that Finn was clutching. "Seriously, Hudson? I don't know nobody who eats as much as you do. If you don't watch out, one day everybody's just gonna call you Fatty Finnster!" Karofsky laughed that dirty laugh of his.

"Don't worry about me", Finn replied and laughed, too. As if Karofsky actually cared about anyone.

"How's the little one doing?"

Finn stared at him for a second, not really taking in the question. "Are you asking me about Kurt?"

"Yeah, you told me he was in hospital, remember? Just checking if he's okay."

"Yeah, he's okay. As okay as one can be with broken ribs. He's even back in school today." Finn gave him a sideways glance. He still was suspicious about Karofsky. Why was he still asking around for Kurt? Could it be that Karofsky regretted how he had treated him? Well, it wouldn't change a thing. Even if Karofsky apologized to him, Kurt would never be able to trust him again, at least not enough to come back to McKinley anyway.

"Cool", Karofsky simply said, his face giving away nothing. "So, you found out who crushed him? Let me know if a revenge is planned. You can count me in. I love me a good fight." He hit his fist into his hand for demonstration.

"You'd have to share the honor with Puckerman", Finn explained. "He already claimed the first blow. But no, we don't know anything yet and the police..."

"The police don't know a shit", Karofsky snorted. "Do you think the idiots that call themselves the police in Lima care about a gay being beaten up? Do you have a clue how easy it is to get away with something like this? Maybe if he was dead, they'd be dutybound to do something, because they can't have someone murdered in their county. But just being beaten up? Trust me, the police are more likely to join in the action than arrest that guy."

Finn was astonished by this speech. Actually at this point Karofsky sounded a bit like Kurt had when he had gotten angry about the same thing. "See ya", Karofsky nodded at him. "And enjoy your snack, Fatty Finnster!" He strolled along the hallway chuckling and every kid ducked down fearfully when he passed by.

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"Wes, you can break a door lock, right?", Kurt asked the second Wesley entered the common room with David and Reed close behind him.

"No problem", Wesley acknowledged with a casual shrug. "Which door do you need opened?"

"I need to have a look into Blaine's file", Kurt announced.

"Holy crap, you want to break into the principal's office?", David hissed and looked around to make sure no one overheard them.

"Principal Walken is out to lunch from twelve to one", Kurt stated. "We have one hour, that should be enough time to sneak in. However the filing cabinet might be locked. Can you handle that, too?"

"Yeah, I think so", Wes nodded gravely.

"Wait! Kurt, are you serious?", David looked at his friends. "This could have us expelled if we got caught! I'm just saying!"

"Then we better don't get caught", Kurt replied dryly. "Besides, I just asked Wes for his help. You two don't need to participate."

"You can count on me", Wesley said. "I'll do it."

David and Reed exchanged a glance and then sighed in unison.

"I'm in", David said. "I can stand guard."

"I can stand guard, too", Reed chirped in.

"No, you better stay put, Reed", Kurt nudged his friend's shoulder gently. "Three is more than enough. No need to get you into trouble as well." Not to mention the fact that Reed was followed by trouble everywhere he went. As much as he loved his friend, Kurt didn't need Reed's two left feet to stumble over their mission.

They implemented the plan immediately. Wesley rushed to his room to fetch his picklock equipment and met up with his fellow criminals in the hallway with good sight at the office. They watched Principal Walken leave his office at exactly twelve o'clock and as soon as he was around the corner, they rushed down the hall and lingered in front of the door. Kurt and David were blocking the view on Wesley, so no one could see him picking at the lock. He was a genius. It only took him a few seconds to open the door and he and Kurt slipped in. David stayed outside to walk the hall up and down, in case the principal or his secretary showed up before time was up.

Kurt closed the door and stood close to Wesley, who now picked at the lock of the filing cabinet. Kurt bit his nails impatiently and couldn't wait to finally get his hands on Blaine's file. Wesley cursed under his breath at the tricky lock and Kurt watched him with growing anxiety. "What? Can't you open it?", he asked after what seemed an eternity. Just then the lock clicked and Wesley opened the top drawer which was labeled with an A. "There you go!"

"Wonderful!" Kurt could have kissed Wesley right then, but refrained from actually doing so. He flicked through the files and found the "Anderson, Blaine" file immediately. His heart was racing by now and he opened the file with searching eyes. All he needed was the name of the new school, an address, something! Blaine's file was astoundingly thin considering that he'd been to Dalton a few years now. "What is this?", Kurt murmured and shook his head. "What's wrong?" Wesley looked over his shoulder.

"His file contains nothing, except copies of his school certificates of the last few years", Kurt said with disbelief. "There is no mention of another school." Like Principal Walken had told him he apparently had handed out all papers to Blaine's father. Kurt skimmed through the papers to at least find the address of Blaine's family, but none was there. Just the address of his fathers law firm.

"I don't believe this." Apparently annoyed Kurt put the file back and went to the desk. He looked through a stack of paperwork on it and even opened the drawers, muttering more to himself than to Wesley, "There must be _something_ somewhere." Then his eyes fell upon the PC. "We need to check his PC."

"Kurt, I don't know about this", Wesley hestitated. "I think we should leave."

"It's on stand-by", Kurt announced after touching the mouse. "Oh lucky day! At least we don't need to search for his password."

Kurt sat down and clicked around for a few minutes on his search for electronic files on the students. When he had no luck there he changed his strategy and opened the principal's e-mail account. Maybe he had had e-mail contact with Blaine's father. Wesley helped him, but again they found nothing. They were so busy with their search that they didn't hear the footsteps approaching the door. When the door opened, they both looked up in terror, just to let out a relaxed moan a second later at the sight of Reed.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt hissed at him. "You scared the hell out of us."

"Sorry. David had to leave his spot", Reed explained. "Mr Freeman got hold of him and sent him on an errant. He couldn't say no, so he send me to stand guard. I just wanted to tell you."

"Okay, then get back outside and knock at the door if anybody shows up."

"Okay, I will!", Reed said eagerly, happy to be a help and turned swiftly around, however he lost his balance and tumbled against the filing cabinet on top of which stood a porcelain vase that now was tilting over. Kurt jumped to his feet and ran for it, but he couldn't prevent the vase from hitting the floor with an awful crash. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" Reed looked at the mess to his feet with pure horror in his eyes. "I'll fix it!"

"Don't move, Reed! I said don't move!", Kurt ordered when Reed wanted to bent down and collect the pieces. "I'll take care of it. You'll just hurt yourself." Kurt kneeled down in front of the broken pieces and let out a breath of relief. The vase had broken into three big pieces. "Nice one, Reed. This should be easy to put together again. Is there by any chance a tube of glue in one of the drawers?"

Wesley checked the principal's desk for glue while Kurt propped up the vase and reached out for the two broken pieces. With an unlucky move however he cut himself at the sharp edge of one of the pieces. "Ah, shit, shit, shit!" Wesley and Reed looked up at the curses Kurt was muttering under his breath. "What is it?", Wesley demanded and hurried over to the two boys. "Kurt's bleeding!", Reed screeched in panic. Kurt held up his wrist and blood ran along his arm drenching the sleeve of his white shirt. "Hurry, give me something before I bleed on the carpet!"

"Take this", Wesley offered a hankerchief and Kurt wrapped it around his wrist. "How deep is the cut?", Reed asked anxiously. "We need to get you to the nurse!"

"And what do we tell her?", Kurt snapped at him. "That I cut myself on the vase we accidently broke while sneaking into the principal's office?" He saw the crumbled expression on Reed's face and back-pedalled with a sigh. "I'm sorry, Reed. I'm fine. Just go on with the search, we run out of time!"

"There is nothing here to find, Kurt", Wesley said and ran a hand through his short dark hair. "It's a dead end. Let's fix that damn vase and then leave."

With a last longing look at the computer Kurt nodded his agreement.

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Around lunchtime Finn marched up and down the halls again looking for Jacob. How come the pain in the neck was nowhere to be found when one wanted to talk to him? By now he felt extremely stupid walking around with a brown paper bag in his hands.

"What do we have here? Smuggling alcohol into school?" Finn jumped at this and turned around to face Sue Sylvester.

"No, no, this is no alcohol, Couch Sylvester."

"Then let me have a look, will you?"

Finn looked at her dumbfolded and clutched the bag to his chest. "I'd rather not…"

Coach Sylvester jerked the bag away from him and peeked inside, wrinkled her nose and then looked at Finn with an unreadable expression on her face. "You want to explain this?"

Finn shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another and even blushed from embarrassment. "It's, uhm, my girlfriends undies. She forgot them at my place. I'm just bringing them back to her."

Coach Sylvester frowned at him. "Who's your girlfriend?"

"Uhm, Rachel Berry."

"Maybe I should have a word with her about not exposing oneself to a boyfriend who's keeping one's undies over night and clearly messing with it."

"No, no, no! You don't need to talk to her! And it's really totally innocent, Coach! She didn't undress in front of me, just in front of Kurt, and you know, he's gay, he doesn't give a damn to see a pair of girl boobs. And I swear I didn't mess with her undies, I just poured peach ice tea over them!"

Coach Sylvester narrowed her eyes at him and eventually handed the bag back to him. "I don't think I want to hear more of this teenage insanity. Let's pretent we never met." She patted his shoulder, hard, and resumed her walk through the halls. Finn let out a long exhale of relief.

"Am I correct assuming the contents of that bag are for me?" Finn flinched and turned around to find Jacob standing there and grinning unashamedly at him. "Don't sneak up on me like this ever again!", he growled and then shoved the bag into his face. "Now talk!"

"Not here, Hudson!" Jacob hushed him. "Follow me!" Finn tried to walk behind him without attracting attention while Jacob was chatting happily about all the murky obscurities that happened at this school. Finn didn't listen to him, but wondered where he was led to just to find out it was the basement restroom right next to the chemisty lab, where it constantly reeked of a mixture of sulfur, cigarettes and vomit. Nobody with a sane mind would go down here for a pee. Which obviously was why Jacob chose this restroom for his transactions. Having closed the door behind them Jacob turned all business-like to Finn. "First, present the bargain!"

Finn opened the bag for Jacob to have a quick peek and closed it again. "Talk and it better be good or else you won't get this."

"I'm not afraid of you, Hudson", Jacob declared and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "We're here to talk about Karofsky, remember? And he is the biggest bad ass at this school! Compared to him even a bad boy like Puckerman is nothing more than a puppy. And I'm not afraid of puppys."

"Can we get to business, please?" Finn urged on, because the stench in here was unbearable. He put the sleeve of his sweater over his mouth and nose and breathed through the fabric.

"He is acting weird these days, have you noticed?", Jacob twaddled on. "Karofsky I mean. Less aggressive than usual. Almost thoughtful. Creepy!"

"Jacob, you were going to tell me _interesting_ stuff about Karofsky, right?"

"Okay, listen up", Jacob cleared his throat and made a dramatic gesture to make sure he had Finns full attention. "About a year ago Karofsky came to me and asked if I could get him copies of videos of glee club performances, starting with the _Push it_ one. As I own copies myself, because I like to watch Rachel Berry sing when I do my thing at night, well, it was no problem for me to provide him with it."

"You're disgusting, Jacob. Really disgusting!" Finn felt like retching, both because of the smell in the restroom and the image of Jacob _doing his thing_.

"Can't help it", Jacob admitted with a shrug. "By the way, the _Toxic_ performance was outstanding! I still get a nosebleed just thinking about it!"

"So, what? That's it? This is your valuable info? That Karofsky likes music after all?"

"Oh no, get this, Hudson: After some time had passed he suddenly inquired copies of cheerleading performances."

Finn rolled his eyes. "Is this heading somewhere, dude?"

Jacob looked at him with a sneer. "I should mention that this was at exact the same time when Kurt Hummel had _just_ joined the _Cheerios_. Coincidence?"

Finn narrowed his eyes at this, the wheels in his head busy clicking and putting things into place.

"Oh, and I need to say Hummel had been hot at the _4_ _minutes_ performance. _Absolutely_ _hot_, as nearly 70 percent of my readers claimed in the survey I did on the matter. Female readers that is."

"I can't follow you", Finn mumbled through his sleeve. "I mean, I can see what you're indicating, but there is no evident proof that Karofsky wanted those videos, because Kurt was in them."

"Wait, that's not all of it!", Jacob seemed to enjoy this at lot and licked his lips, apparently eager to go on with his story. "A few weeks back I tried to sell your _Kesha_ performance to him, but he said he was no longer interested in any copies of glee club performances." Jacob tipped the side of his nose. "Do I need to mention the fact that Kurt Hummel has left McKinley just shortly _before_ your anti-alcohol campaign?"

"This still doesn't mean anything", Finn shook his head. "Sounds like a lot of coincidences to me."

By now Jacob was jumping up and down and clapping his hands in excitement. "Hear this, hear this! Later on I tried to sell a copy of your performance at Sectionals to him. But he didn't want it. And now, wait for this! This is the best part!" Jacob bit his finger and his eyes were glossy with delight. "He asked for a copy of the _Warblers_ performance instead! Which by the way was the first _Warblers_ gig after a certain Kurt Hummel joined the choir."

Finn gazed at him, stunned, and letting the info sink in.

"Yeah, you can make of this whatever you want", Jacob beamed. "I'm just saying! Dave Karofsky is not just enjoying to scare the hell out of Hummel, but is hot about him like hell as well!"

Clearly satisfied with the puzzled look upon Finn's face Jacob sighed happily. "And this is mine!" With a big filthy grin he took the bag out of Finn's grasp, opened it and inhaled deeply. "Yes! I always knew she smelled like a peach farm. I love peaches!" He walked past Finn to leave the restroom. "Oh, I almost forgot", Finn got in his way and snatched the bag back. "This belongs to my girlfriend. It's not mine to give away."

"Wait, we had a deal!" Jacob squealed.

"Really? I can't quite remember what it was. Was it I won't tell Karofsky what you just told me? I think that would make a fair deal, don't you?"

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Depressed by their failure in the principal's office Kurt skipped the last classes of the day and retreated to the dorm. He needed alone time. And he needed to treat his still bleeding cut. Sharing a room with someone as risky of injury as Reed, Kurt naturally kept a first-aid kit in their bathroom. So he took off his shirt and wrapped a compression bandage around his wrist. Luckily the cut at the inside of his left wrist had not been deep, but long enough to bleed like crazy anyway. Also the cut stung, but mostly Kurt felt weak at the sight of his own blood. He spend the next hour scrubbing the sleeve of his shirt at the sink until the blood stain had almost vanished. Kurt hated the thought of getting a scar at his wrist. Ah well, shit happens, he told himself, and a lot of it just lately.

Exhausted he lay down on his bed with his phone nearby. There still was no message from Blaine and he almost had given up hoping for one. Almost. Carefully he touched his temple. His skin was so itchy, he had to restrain himself not to scratch although the urge was overwhelming. He was just thinking about getting up and putting some more moisturizer on his bruised skin, when his phone rang. He looked at the display and saw that it was a call by an unknown number. His head reeled. What if that was the anonymous guy who had sent that abusive text? Should he take the call? But maybe it was Blaine who finally got hold of a phone.

"Hello?" He waited, but there was no answer. Instead there was low breathing. A wave of fear washed over him, but was almost immediately replaced by anger. "So, we're not talking, are we?", he said loudly and hated that his voice was trembling. "I understand you're the one who sent me that lovely text message the other day? I hate to disappoint you, but I'm still alive. And I don't care if you go on terrorizing me, but you could at least tell me where you got my number from." Kurt closed his eyes and waited for the length of a heartbeat. Of course there was no answer, just more breathing. "Okay, I have a guess then. It's from Blaine's phone. Right? So, if I find out something bad happened to Blaine, I swear I will find you! And yeah, before you ask, this is a threat!"

Kurt wanted to hang up after this, but then he heard a movement on the other end of the line and apparently the phone was shuffled around and all of a sudden a muffled voice called out his name "Kurt!" and the call ended abruptly. Kurt sat on his bed, frozen, while the free line signal beeped loudly into his ear.

Slowly the horror crept in.

That had been Blaine's voice.

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**Songs in this chapter:**

U2 – Walk on

R.E.M. – The One I Love

**Next chapter:**

Okay, the next chapter will feature what was originally planned for this one: Reed is worried over Kurt. Wesley comes around with news on Blaine. Kurt will suffer even more (yeah, that is possible and I am so sorry about that!).

And Mr Blaine Warbler will be back in the story again soon, either next chapter or the one after that. So please hang on and please give me your feedback!

**Thank you for reading****!**


	7. Incomplete

**Author's Note:**

Hi there everybody and thanks for your patience. Finally I can present my next chapter and I hope you like it. Let me know what you're thinking while reading it. :)

Special thanks to MissScarlett21 who inspired me to a little scene in this chapter in which Kurt talks about Blaine's eye color. I almost used your exact words, sorry for that! I hope you don't mind.

**Please give me your feedback, because I'd really, really like to know what you're thinking of my story! **

**Thanks for all your reviews and favourites/alerts so far, you make me really happy! :)**

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Kurt sat on his bed, frozen in shock and unable to think. That had been Blaine's voice. No doubt. The way he had called out his name kept repeating in Kurt's head, over and over again. He felt panic building up in his chest and couldn't stop it. What should he do? What was he supposed to do now?

At first he didn't even realize that the phone in his hand was ringing. Again. Persistent. He turned his eyes on the display and read the name but for an instant was not capable to understand who was _Finn_ and what he should do with the ringing thing in his hand. Slowly his fingers found the right button and he raised the phone to his ear. There was a cheerful voice on the other end of the line. "Hey bro, what's up? How's your first day of school been going? You already wish to be back home?"

There was a pause and Kurt knew he should say something, but nothing would come out. His brain simply wouldn't supply any words to his mouth. "Hey Kurt? You there?", Finn asked, sounding a little anxious.

Kurt cleared his throat and willed the words out. "Blaine just called me", he told his brother, his voice no more than a whisper.

"Wahey, man! Finally!", Finn called out. "What did he say?"

"Just my name", Kurt said and his throat constricted. He collapsed backwards on his bed and was shaking with silent sobs and suddenly it was impossible to breathe. He gasped, but there simply was no air.

"Woah, woah, woah, are you crying? Kurt, talk to me!", Finn raised his voice. "Hey, is there someone with you?" Kurt shook his head and it was just when Finn asked "No?" that he realized he was supposed to speak. "I'm alone", he managed at last, choking on the words.

"No, you're not!", Finn replied firmly. "I'm with you, Kurt. And your Dalton friends are nearby. Listen to me, are you?" Finn now spoke in a calm, but insisting voice. "I want you to get up and walk around. Breathe in slowly, hold your breath and then exhale slowly. Can you do that for me?"

Kurt clung to the voice on the phone as if his life depended on it and maybe it was. He slid out of bed and got up. Hugging himself with one arm he walked over to Reeds side of the room, while trying to regain control over his breathing.

"Inhale slowly", Finn repeated. "Hold your breath, count to three, and exhale. There is no need to panic, okay? We will figure this out. You're in your room, right? Tell me what you're seeing."

"Just our stuff", Kurt answered, his voice was hoarse, but a lot calmer now. "Reed's canvas, his paint brushes..."

"Oh, he's a painter? Is he talented?"

"Very talented", Kurt confirmed and wiped at his eyes. "His paintings are incredible."

"How are you feeling now? Better?"

"Yeah, better", Kurt replied to his own surprise. "I'm sorry you caught me in this state. I was freaked out. Still am."

"Don't be sorry. Next time you're scared, I want you to call me. I'll be your personal panic fighter from now on, 'kay?" Kurt could imagine the goofy smile on Finn's face just too well, but he could also hear that his stepbrother was serious. "How do you know what to do during a panic attack?" Kurt was amazed. He'd never imagined Finn to be so _knowing_.

"Actually, Rachel told me. She suffers panic attacks sometimes. She told me if she ever had a panic attack in my presence, I should distract her and not leave her alone brooding with negative thoughts. It's also important to keep moving around and not to lay down. And of course the right breathing technique."

"Poor girl", Kurt said, still pacing the room. "I didn't know that about her."

"Well, yeah, she's under a lot of self-imposed pressure. Okay, now, tell me again about that weird call you got so freaked out over."

Kurt took another ragged breath before he answered. "At first there was just low breathing and I thought it was the anonymous guy, you know, the one who texted me. Then it sounded like someone was being strangled, it was Blaine! He sounded like he was gagged, he called out my name and then it was over."

"Sounds like a scene from a horror movie!", Finn said, clearly shocked.

"Is this reason enough to have a panic attack or what?", Kurt tried to joke, but his body was still trembling. "I need to do something. I need to tell someone about that call." And suddenly it occured to him what he had to do. "I'm going to Principal Walken and tell him to call the police. If he backs me up, they'll just have to believe me that something's wrong with Blaine."

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Half an hour later Kurt sat in front of Principal Walken's desk, but instead of calling the police the man had called his father, who was on loud speaker now. Kurt had repeated his story three times by now. How he believed that Blaine was in danger, that he was held prisoner somewhere by his own father and that he had tried to reach him with this call.

"This is a severe accusation", Principal Walken said, folding his hands solemnly on his desk. "Before I contact the police or Mr Anderson, I would like to hear your opinion on this, Mr Hummel."

Kurt could hear his father sigh heavily. "Are you sure it was Blaine, kid? You said the voice was muffled. How could you have recognized him?"

Kurt opened his mouth, but for a second he was too astonished by the question to speak. "It was more the tone than the voice, it was so desperate ... the way he called out my name ... I just _know_ it was him, Dad."

"Look, this could be a cruel joke. There're a lot of people who know that Blaine has left Dalton and that you miss him. Could it be that someone just tried to scare the hell out of you?"

"No, it was real!", Kurt insisted and his face flared. "Well, okay, at first, when no one spoke, I thought it was the anonymous guy who'd texted me before, but then I swear it was Blaine's voice calling out for me."

"Wait, wait! What anonymous guy? What text?", his father demanded.

Kurt hid his hands in the sleeves of his sweater and rubbed them against each other for warmth and comfort. Why did he get the feeling like he was subject to interrogation? He didn't do anything wrong. "I got a text message last friday telling me to die", he admitted reluctantly.

He could hear his father sigh resentfully. "This is a serious matter, Kurt! I can't believe you didn't tell me about this."

"Can I see the text message, please?", Principal Walken held his hand out for Kurt's phone.

"I have deleted it", Kurt said and saw the resigned look upon the man's face. It seemed that Principal Walken wanted to believe him, but needed proof. "I'm sorry, boy, but I have to ask this", Mr Walken said with a sad headshake. "Did you really receive a call? Or did you make that up to get me to call the police, because you want information on Blaine's whereabouts?"

Kurt didn't flinch under the man's stare and without saying a word he simply handed his phone over. Principal Walken got hold of it, straightened his wire-rims and checked the list of received calls. "Okay, here is a call about half an hour ago from an unknown number", he said loudly, so Burt could hear as well. "I assume it's the call you're referring to, Kurt?"

"Yes, it is", Kurt answered stiffly. "And my brother Finn saw the text message I told you about. Ask him if you don't believe me, Dad", Kurt said to his father with a thin voice, clenching his hands into fists.

"Okay, Mr Hummel, Kurt, here's the deal." Principal Walken leaned forward in his chair and paused a minute before speaking. "You know Blaine's father is a famous lawyer and his face is a lot in the media. I have spoken to him personally a couple of times and I know he cares a great deal about his family's privacy and reputation and he doesn't want his family life to be the subject of the tabloid press. Which is why I trust in your discretion on what I am about to tell you." Over the top of his wire-rimmed glasses he studied his student. This time Kurt shifted uncomfortably under his stare. "Of course you can trust me, Principal Walken. I won't tell anyone."

"Same goes for me, Principal", his fathers voice said over the loud speaker.

"When Mr Anderson contacted me on behalf of his wish that Blaine left Dalton immediately, he confided in me that Blaine had gotten rather sick over Christmas. Apparently he suffered some kind of emotional breakdown. Unfortunately his father believes that the environment in Dalton has led to Blaine's current state of mind. As far as I know the boy is in therapy now and will most likely be home-schooled to finish his senior year."

Kurt's eyes widened at hearing this and all kinds of emotions rushed through him: disbelief, denial, fury, worry. He clenched his fists even more. "I'm sorry to hear this", his father said and sounded truly concerned.

"I suggest that I will contact Mr Anderson first and if I don't receive a satisfying answer, I will contact the youth welfare office with the plea of checking on Blaine's well-being. You must know that I care about the boy, too, even if he's no longer a Dalton student. And I will tell you immediately when I find something out about that strange call you got. Are you okay with this, Kurt?"

"Yes, thank you, Principal Walken", Kurt replied hoarsely. He was glad that he was taken serious at last, even if the principal and his father both clearly thought he was overreacting.

"Now, to another matter at hand", Mr Walken said with a sigh and addressed Kurt's father. "Mr Hummel, to be honest I'm not sure if your son is well enough to attend school. As I understand he suffered a very traumatic experience just a week ago. And I don't blame him for worrying over his friend. But I suggest you pick him up and have him stay at home for another couple of days."

"No, please, Principal Walken, I want to stay!", Kurt protested at once. "I don't deny that I am quite shaken by this call, but I am okay." He leaned towards the speaker phone. "Dad, I can really use the distraction. At home all I can do is staring at the walls and keep on worrying over ... stuff."

"Kurt", his father replied softly, "I want you to go to your room now and wait for my call. I will have a few more words with Principal Walken and then I will call you on your phone, okay?"

"Okay, Dad", Kurt sounded defeated. He stood and left the room.

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Kurt was pacing his room waiting for his father's call and worrying over Blaine's so called _current_ _state of mind_. He clutched his phone to his chest and his mood was shifting between feelings of betrayal and of a helpless worry. When his phone rang, he answered immediately. "What took you so long, Dad?", he said, not caring that he sounded extremely exasperated.

"I have just talked to Finn, well, _grilled_ him about that text message", his father replied audibly through gritted teeth. "Why didn't you tell me about that?"

"I didn't want to freak you out", Kurt answered honestly, even though he knew that these words would make his father furious.

"We've already talked about this, haven't we?" Burt fought hard to stay calm and not to scream at his son. "Kurt, no more secrets. I mean it! You're gonna tell me about stuff like this from now on. _Not_ telling me things is as bad as lying!"

"And just _why_ should I tell you things when you don't believe me anyway?", Kurt snarled back at him.

"What on earth does this mean?", Burt was taken aback. "I do believe you."

"No, you don't!", Kurt countered and was truly pissed off now. "Why else do you need Finn to confirm my story? Tell me, was it your intention to make me look like a liar in front of Principal Walken? Like I was just seeking attention? Because that's how I felt when you didn't back me up there!"

"Kurt ...", his father tried to interrupt him.

"No, I really want to know! Why did you have to scrutinize everything I said?", Kurt went on with hurt and anger in his voice. "Why did you have to ask if I was _sure_ the call was from Blaine? Like I didn't recognize my boyfriend's voice! I think, you _wanted_ him to think I'm paranoid! You want people to think I'm going nuts!"

"Kiddo, listen ..." Again Burt tried to cut in, but Kurt just raged on and so Burt decided to wait until his son had had his chance to let steam off, before having his own say on the matter.

"It's my _right_ to be upset about this call!", Kurt explained, now panting heavily, breathless from his angry speech. "I didn't make that up! I told you it was Blaine who called me. Why can't you just simply _believe_ me, Dad?"

Finally the boy paused, audibly needing a second to catch his breath, but Burt couldn't take the chance to speak up, because he was at a loss for words. Kurt sounded so deeply disappointed in him, that he had to take a moment to think about whether or not he truly was that much a loser of a father and how he had managed to screw up so badly with just one phone call. But then he knew Kurt didn't actually believe he would ever deceive him, he had just failed to back him up.

"And I'm not coming back home before Friday", Kurt announced in his best sulky voice. "I won't let you and Principal Walken treat me like I was insane and needed to be locked away from public!" He sat down on his bed and tried to regain control over his ragged breathing. It didn't do him no good to get this upset.

"Are you done yelling at me?" Burt asked calmly and sighed deeply before he continued. "Kurt, if you honestly think I would _ever_ do anything to harm you, then actually you _are_ going nuts." Burt sounded dead serious, but after a pause they both couldn't help laughing. Kurt winced at the sudden stinging pain in his chest and complained, "You don't want to hurt me? Then stop making me mad or laugh, will you?"

"No more than you drive me mad, Kurt, I promise", Burt chuckled, relieved that the fierce tension between them had vanished so easily. "Listen, I _do_ believe you. I believe that you truly think it was Blaine who called you ..."

"That is not the same!", Kurt grumbled.

"I just think you're not thinking rationally here. Of course you aren't. Right now in your mind everything's set up for a worst case scenario. But let me help you see the possibilities ..."

"What possibilities? Why don't you see what's really happening here?" Kurt's anger returned. "Blaine's father is taking control over his life!"

"So far to me it sounds like he is taking care of his son."

"Oh please, did you get the impression that Blaine was a psycho when he was at ours? And just a few days later he needed to be _taken care_ of? What does he need a therapy for? And in what sense is Dalton a bad place for him? Dalton is the most peaceful, friendly, open-minded school I know. They say _zero tolerance bullying policy_ and they mean it. Blaine has never been bullied or treated in a wrong way here. And if he wasn't locked up somewhere, why doesn't he call me? Because if he was free, he would call me!"

"Calm down again, Kurt, please? You don't know what really happened to Blaine. Don't judge before you know something.

"That's the problem, Dad, I don't know _anything_!", Kurt replied with an exasperated sigh.

"Be patient. Principal Walken has promised to ask around for Blaine and he will let you know whatever he finds out immediately. That must be enough for now. Besides, I agreed with him that we don't talk about that strange call to anyone yet. Are you okay with this? You're not telling your friends about it?"

"Why? Because you think I'll embarrass myself by walking around and telling people that Blaine called me when so obviously I'm just imagining things?"

"Kurt, stop it, okay?" His father sounded rather tired. "Listen, is your roommate over? I want to talk to him."

"Gosh, what for?" Kurt asked annoyed. "You want to use him as another babysitter for me?"

"If you don't want me to get into my car right now and drive to Dalton to pick you up, I suggest you let me ask your roommate nicely if he was willing to keep an eye on you. Your decision."

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After talking to Kurt's father that evening, Reed was totally head over heels. "Gosh, your dad is sooo nice and sweet and caring. I wish mine would worry about me half as much as your dad worries about you."

"Don't wish for it", Kurt said, rolling his eyes. "It's straining." He was in their shared bathroom standing in front of the mirror and taking care of his bruises while Reed was leaning in the doorway, his cute strawberry blond curls falling into his eyes. "What is straining is to maintain a happy face when you don't feel like it", Reed countered and Kurt widened his eyes at him. "I'm just saying", Reed shrugged. "You think your father wants you to tell him you're fine, but actually he wants you to say how you really feel."

"Don't get me wrong, Reed. I love my dad." Kurt turned around and leaned against the washstand to look at his roommate. "That's why most of the time I try to deal with my problems on my own. He gets enough crap thrown his way already, just because of me being gay. Like abusive phone calls at the garage and hateful looks in the convenience store to mention some highlights. I just want to spare him some of it, so yeah, sometimes I tell him I'm okay when actually I'm not."

"I'm so sorry, Kurt", Reed said with a crumbled face. "I know it's none of my business and I didn't want to make you feel like you had to explain yourself."

"Well, actually, I think my dad made it your business, didn't he?", Kurt replied with a weak smile to show him that he wasn't overstepping.

"He didn't ask me to do anything I wouldn't do for you anyway", Reed said and smiled with kind brown eyes. "You're my friend and I wouldn't be any good as a friend if I didn't watch out for you."

Kurt smirked at him. "Most of the time it's me who has to watch out for you."

Again Reed made a remorseful face. "True." He moved closer and reached out to touch Kurt's arm. "Can I see the cut on your wrist? Does it still hurt?" Kurt showed him the selfmade bandage. "No, it doesn't hurt, it's just a nasty itch."

"It's my fault you cut yourself", Reed looked up at him apologetically. "I don't know why I'm always the one who screws things up. I mean Wes or you would never have let that silly vase fall down. I just need to be in a room and something like that is bound to happen!"

"Don't fret about it", Kurt soothed him and a genuine smile spread over his face. "You're just a little bit clumsy, that's all. And it's not your fault that I cut myself. Besides, thanks for not mentioning this to my dad. He wouldn't be pleased to hear that another wound has been added to my already maltreated and wretched body." Reed still felt guilty, but returned the smile.

"Oh, by the way", Reed rushed out of the bathroom and Kurt followed him. "I brought you some carrot cake and a bottle of apple juice." He presented a little plastic bag with the goodies. "You've missed dinner", Reed critizied with an raised finger and then his eyes widened in realization, "And lunch! Gosh, you must be starving! Is this enough? I can go and get you some more if you want."

"No, it's okay. I've got plenty of granola bars in my bag. Have the cake yourself. I'll take the juice, thank you." Kurt took the bottle and eyed it, musing. "You don't happen to have a straw, do you? Never mind. I can drink out of the bottle." Kurt watched his friend dig his teeth into the sweet cake and felt bad. Bad about hiding stuff from him. He wasn't actually lying to Reed, because his bag was full of granola bars, he just didn't eat them.

Kurt was aware he should be eating something, but he was too scared to. As long as he had this fierce stabbing pain in his chest whenever he tried to inhale deeply, he had this immense fear of suffocation. Even if he tried eating, his throat would close and he couldn't swallow anything except liquids. So far his body worked well with coffee and coke and apple juice. And oddly enough he didn't even feel hungry at all. So, nothing to worry about, right?

Besides, much more important was the fact that he was hiding vital info on Blaine from his friends. He wanted to tell them about Blaine's call so desperately, but then he wasn't sure how they'd react. He was afraid that they'd think he was just making it up and wouldn't believe him. If not even his dad would think it was possible that Blaine had called him ... By now he actually felt like he was going nuts, so he couldn't blame his dad for thinking the same, could he? Kurt was clutching the little juice bottle and stared out of the window into the night.

"Kurt? Hello? Are you listening?" Reed waved a hand in front of his face.

Kurt snapped back to attention. "Yes?"

Reed narrowed his eyes at him. "Are you okay? You were kind of spaced out."

"Yeah, sure, I'm okay. Sorry, what did you say?"

"I was asking if I could have a look at your bracelet. I've already noticed it yesterday. Has Blaine given it to you?"

"Yes, it was his Christmas gift for me", Kurt replied and pulled his sleeve back to show him the golden bracelet. A smile of pure admiration curled Reed's lips. "This is so _beautiful_, Kurt." His fingers stroked over the little engraving saying KLAINE. "You know, Blaine told me he wanted to get this for you and asked me if it was cheesy. I told him, you'd love it."

"He asked you for advice on my Christmas present?", Kurt asked, smiling.

"Yeah, he said he wanted something special, something for a lifetime, you know. To always remind you of him."

"As if I'd ever forget him", Kurt shook his head.

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Being bruised in the face had one big advantage: the teachers left him alone during class. Which was quite good, because in spite of his repeated affirmations to his dad and to the principal that he _wanted_ to attend class, he could not concentrate on school stuff for one second. So Kurt just sat in his chair and tried to outlast while his eyes were stuck on the clock on the wall and his ears didn't hear one word of what the teacher was saying. After class he would wait until the classroom had cleared, because he didn't want to risk being nudged accidentally in the rush of students. He wore a corsage to keep his ribs in place, but every now and then it would hurt so damn much, that tears shot up into his eyes and his breath would catch and make him wish he could just die on the spot and stop feeling anything at all.

Of course he could simply to go home and let himself be pampered and spoiled by his parents, but the part of his brain in charge of responsibility wouldn't allow him doing so. It would end up with his dad staying home to watch over him and hence miss too much work hours again. Although he had promised his dad that he would lay down whenever he felt sick, he actually couldn't do so during school hours, because everybody would get worried over him which would again lead to him being sent home. So he endured classes and tried not to look as pathetic as he felt. The only mismatch to his usually appearance he allowed himself was to have his Dalton blazer unbuttoned and his striped tie hanging loose around his neck. Despite his love to always make sure his outfit was accurate and perfect, he couldn't stand his tie anymore, because it felt like it was strangling him.

On Tuesday at lunch time Kurt made sure he went to the cafeteria before his friends arrived there. He bought himself a diet coke with a straw and went to the counter where one was supposed to drop off used trays. With a quick look over his shoulder he took one tray with the remains of what looked like the chicken menu and an empty dessert bowl. Good. That'll do. He sauntered to the table at the window which his friends usually occupied and sat down, sucking on his straw and waiting. No one in the room took notice of him and his already empty plate, just like he thought no one would.

"Hey, you've already finished", Reed called out and looked utterly disappointed as he joined Kurt at the table five minutes later. "Sorry, I couldn't wait for you any longer. I was starving", Kurt said without meeting his friend's eyes. "What did you have?" Reed eyed his tray. "Chicken? Is it good?"

"You know the food here", Kurt simply answered and raised an eyebrow. Reed went on to get himself some lunch. Another minute passed and David and Wesley and some other Warbler members joined them and began to shove food into their mouths and speak eagerly about school stuff and music and girls. Kurt was thankful for their chattering and allowed himself to blend out of the conversation. He felt safe among his friends. They knew he wasn't well and they would leave him alone if he wanted them to. It was a lot easier to be around friends than being home. He couldn't stand those worried looks his parents would give him and he didn't want to worry them so much. It was easier to talk to them on the phone, when he didn't have to look them in the eyes.

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Kurt attended the second Warbler meeting of the year. The boys were discussing who should be singing lead now that Blaine was gone. It was obvious that they weren't happy about it, but they moved on, just like that. Kurt couldn't do that. It didn't feel right. Not as long as he didn't know what was going on with Blaine. Not as long as the big Why was dangling above their heads.

Everything seemed unreal to Kurt. He felt like he was trapped in a bad dream and couldn't wake up. How was it possible that there would never be a Warblers performance including Blaine Anderson anymore? How could it be that from now on it was the Warblers without Blaine? Although Kurt had often complained about the Warblers being all about Blaine, now it seemed ridiculous to go on without him. He had the greatest voice of all the members of the Warblers, after all that had been the reason why he had been singing lead. Who should replace him? And it wasn't just Blaine's voice, it was all his personality, the passion he put into his singing, the way he used to storm into the common room and just burst into a song, making all of his friends sing along with him. His love for songs had been contaigous. You could always see in his eyes that he loved nothing more than let his emotions sweep over with song. But he was no show-off, he did not seek for attention or praise, he just _needed_ to express himself by singing.

While sitting on the dark leather couch and listening to his Warbler fellows arguing, Kurt suddenly realized that he still couldn't grasp the fact that Blaine wouldn't be coming back to Dalton. Deep inside he still had hoped that everything would turn out as a big mistake and Blaine would come in through the door the next minute, laughing and telling them there was no way they'd get rid of him this easily. But now yet this tiny spark of hope was fading away. If even the Warblers had given up on Blaine – if even they didn't think it was possible that Blaine returned – then Kurt must be quite a helpless case clinging on to that dream.

The whole meeting Kurt didn't say a word. He'd told Wesley and David, who were head of the council, that he couldn't sing for an undefined period of time, but he wanted to attend the meetings anyway. Near the end of the meeting however he asked to be excused for future meetings. They looked at him with concern, but agreed. Afterwards it was David, who took Kurt aside. "Look, if this is about Blaine ... We have already dealt with Blaine's sudden departure last week. The Warblers need to move on. It's not heartless. It's just realistic." David shrugged apologetically. "Doesn't mean that I like it much either. Nobody does. It feels weird without Blaine and as you can see it's not easy to replace him."

Wesley appeared at Kurt's other side and put a hand on his shoulders. "David and I have this idea we wanted to talk to you about, before we announce it to the guys."

"Yes, you and your friends inspired us with your video song message for Blaine", David explained and grinned over at Wesley. "So we're thinking of doing our own Warbler style message for him."

"And we've already picked a song." Wesley showed Kurt a piece of paper with the song text. Kurt stared at it for a moment before he recognized the song. "Are you serious, guys?" Kurt frowned at their unexpected choice of song, clearly disgusted. "_The_ _Backstreet_ _Boys_?"

"I know it's rather cheesy", David admitted with another shrug. "But we couldn't find anything else this quickly. And you know how Blaine likes cheesy songs."

"And we think it's quite fitting, you know, we are _incomplete_ without him", Wesley stated matter-of-factly. "It's really hard to find a replacement for him. I mean, of course there're others who can sing lead, but Blaine had been so, so …" He struggled to find the right word.

"Passionate", Kurt finished for him.

"Yeah, that's it!" Wesley clapped his hands.

"And we think you should be right in front of the camera during the whole performance, Kurt", David went on with their vision of the perfect video message. "Even though we know you're not fully recovered yet and you cannot sing many lines, but, you know, as his boyfriend you should be in full sight. If he catches a glimpse at this vid, he would want to see you and not us guys." He grinned at him expectantly. However, Kurt shook his head. "No, I can't", he said with a raspy voice. "Sorry, guys, but you must do this without me."

"Why? We thought you'd like the idea. You've done it already with your friends of New Directions." David sounded slightly offended.

"I'm sorry", Kurt swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in his throat and took a step backwards. "I have to go." He shouldered his bag, turned around and fled out of the room. He didn't want to see or speak to anyone, so he hurried outside and took a walk around the Dalton property.

It had been snowing again and everything was covered with a white beautiful blanket. The snow crunching under his feet was the only sound to hear far and wide. He was thankful for the cold. Even though it made him shiver like crazy, he felt like it froze his mind and kept him from thinking too much. Why couldn't he just freeze up right here and now and slumber this nightmare away – just like Snow White did – until Blaine comes along and rescues him with a kiss? But no, he had the feeling that he was the one who had to go and rescue Blaine. He just hadn't figured out how.

Kurt looked at the sheet of paper that still stuck to his hand and read those cruel words again that were supposed to simply be a cheesy pop song. How could they describe so perfectly how he felt? He leaned against a tree trunk and tested carefully what those words sounded like on his lips.

"Empty spaces fill me up with holes

Distant faces with no place left to go

Without you within me I can't find no rest

Where I'm going is anybody's guess

I tried to go on like I never knew you

I'm awake but my world is half asleep

I pray for this heart to be unbroken

Bbut without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on

But I am swimming in an ocean all alone

Baby my baby, it's written on your face

You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I tried to go on like I never knew you

I'm awake but my world is half asleep

I pray for this heart to be unbroken

But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete ... incomplete!"

With an angry move he tore the paper into pieces and let them fly in the wind. Wiping hot tears from his eyes he marched on and wished that Blaine would at least have left him a trace to follow like foot prints in the snow. But he had left him with nothing more than a dream, a golden promise that he wore on his wrist telling him day by day they would be together forever, mashed up as one. Klaine. But when would this dream come true?

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When Kurt entered his room a sharp smell of paint invaded his nostrils. It was noxious! It made his nose pucker and he tried desperately not to sneeze. With the sleeve of his blazer pressed over his nose he headed across the room for the window. "Reed, at least open a window!" Kurt pulled their window open wide and inhaled the cold air. "Don't you smell it yourself or are you already high? I heard it said that art students sniff on paint tubes, but I didn't think you'd be one of them."

Reed turned around with horror in his eyes. He looked a lot like a rabbit in front of a snake, not sure whether to flee or play dead. "Oh my! I'm sorry! I didn't want to let the cold in, but I didn't think about the smell."

"I don't mind the cold", Kurt replied, but his body betrayed him, because he couldn't stop shivering after having walked for almost two hours in the grounds. "But I'd better take a hot shower."

"Don't lock the door", Reed reminded him. "You know, your dad's orders."

"Right", Kurt said with a sigh and sat down on his bed. "Why are you painting in here anyway?" Kurt asked, although he was used to this sight of their room. Art materials and painted papers were lying everywhere, of course also spreading over Kurt's side of the room. He usually didn't mind, because he loved the little dreamy artist he shared a room with way too much. "What about your studio in the art hall?"

The smaller boy stood in the middle of the room with a paintbrush in his hand, gazing displeased at the outcome of his afternoon activity. "I didn't want to let anyone see what I'm working on", Reed explained and his cheeks blushed. Now Kurt became curious. What could Reed be painting that he was so obviously embarrassed about? Kurt had learned that most of the time painting was Reed's way of dealing with things that bothered him. Whenever he worked on a special piece he was completely absorbed by his vision of the perfect picture. "May I see it?", Kurt asked and Reed reluctantly stepped aside. He couldn't hide it from Kurt anyway, because the painting was still wet and so he couldn't cover it with a cloth.

Kurt joined him in front of his canvas and a smile slowly spread across his face as he studied the painting. There was no mistaking that the portrait showed Shane Anderson. "It's wonderful", Kurt commented, taking it in with admiring eyes, one hand framing his cheek, the other one holding his elbow. "You've got such an incredible talent, Reed."

"It's just ... I don't know... it seems all wrong to me", Reed complained and made a waving gesture towards his unfinished painting. "I'm bad with colors. And the color of the eyes are the most difficult to pin down. I just don't get them right!" Reed slumped down on his bed with a groan of frustration.

"Blaine's eyes are just the same", Kurt mused and tilted his head slightly. "They are of an unusual hazel green color. Depending on the lighting they vary in intenseness and level of green/brown. In the sun they would likely be greener and indoors more of a light/bright brown. Very special ..." Kurt's voice trailed off and his eyes glazed over with a gloomy sadness.

It took him a while to notice Reed was staring at him. "I think it's awesome how strong you are, Kurt. I mean, everytime I think about Shane I feel so, so ... helpless and abandoned... and we weren't even ... you know, we've just been friends. But you and Blaine, you've shared so much, you've had this incredible bond and ... I guess if I were you I'd just ... I don't know." He shrugged and turned to look at his painting again. "I think I couldn't stand it."

Kurt didn't reply anything to his friend and so they just looked at Reed's picture for a while. Finally Reed spoke again, "We should go and have dinner before the bunch of hungry wolves that we call our friends trash the dining hall."

"Go on without me, Reed", Kurt said. "I'm tired as hell. I just want to lay down and die." Seeing the shocked expression on his friend's face, Kurt rolled his eyes and corrected himself with a sigh, "Not literally, of course."

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All week long Kurt just went through the motions, but it was draining. By the final bell each day, he would retreat into the dorm immediately, before any of his friends could make suggestions for evening activities. He pretended doing homework and avoided hanging out with his friends, who would ask him if he was okay. He just couldn't bear talking about everything. About his pain. About his fear. About Blaine. The days passed and he had spent every minute in a daze, not really noticing what was going on around him. He wandered around the school halls as if he was sleep walking, blending out everything around him. Being numb and senseless was better than being in pain all the time.

Reed was a total sweetheart and he took his task to watch out for Kurt very serious. But Kurt was good at pretending to be just tired and weary, something every teenager his age was. Nevertheless, he saw the way Reed would look at him, all concerned and worried. Every night, when his dad called, he would talk to Kurt first and then have a quick chat with Reed. Thankfully there was nothing for Reed to report. Kurt was taking his pills exemplary according to instructions, just one in the morning and one for the night. He was quiet and sad, yes, but no one could hold that against him.

Even Finn called him daily to check on him and ask if he had received any more abusive texts, which luckily wasn't the case. He would tell him news on their friends, but Kurt hardly listened to anything Finn said. Who cared that Tina and Mike got back together again? Who cared that Brittany finally passed her driving test and had invited everyone to a trip? Who cared that the world happily moved on when everything inside him had stopped living?

On Thursday afternoon Principal Walken called him to his office and told him, that he couldn't get Blaine's father on the phone –apparently he was a very busy man – so he indeed had informed the youth welfare office and told them about his worry and the mysterious call and asked for a quick check on Blaine's whereabouts and well-being. After some more prompting they had eventually investigated and received confirmation by the Anderson's family doctor that Blaine had been admitted to a private clinic right after his breakdown at Christmas Eve, where he now was being taken care of and so far wasn't allowed to make a telephone call or receive one yet. Therefore it was unlikely to impossible that the call had been from him.

Despite the circumstances, Blaine was not in custody or held prisoner, like Kurt had phrased it. Everything had been properly arranged and signed up by a doctor. Everything was done to give Blaine the best kind of help he could get. Due to confidentiality Mr Walken had not been told the name of the clinic nor the place, but as far as he was concerned he was content with the information at hand. Kurt however was not.

After his talk to the principal, he immediately returned to his room, collapsed facedown into his bed and screamed into his pillow. For a change he even welcomed the sharp pain in his chest, because it was reflecting his heartache just so perfectly. How on earth could it be this easy to have someone locked-up? Yeah, he could image just too well how easy it was for someone as rich as Mr Anderson to have the family doctor sign a paper saying Blaine was crazy.

He clutched his pillow and couldn't stop crying in black despair. Blaine wasn't crazy! Blaine didn't need help! Especially not _that_ kind of help. What the hell was happening to Blaine? His father couldn't keep him in a long-term professional psychotherapy, could he? Not if Blaine wasn't psycho at all. What was an emotional breakdown anyway? Rachel Berry suffered an emotional breakdown once a week and wrote songs about it. She wasn't sent to a locked-up facility for it. Kurt ended up coughing heavily and gasping desperately for air until he thankfully passed out.

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Later that evening there was a knock at the door. "Come in", Kurt shouted, but a tiny voice shouted back. "Could you please open the door?" Kurt recognized Reed's voice and slid out of bed. He expected Reed to be anxiously clutching onto an armload full of art materials and maybe already having lost part of it along the way. However he opened the door to find his roommate standing in the hall with two mugs of a dark steaming liquid. "I brought hot chocolate for both of us", he smiled and then made a face. "I've already spilled some on my way here."

"What's the occasion?", Kurt asked and freed his friend of one mug. He gestured for Reed to join him on his bed, because Reed's side of the room was completely white, furniture, bedlinen, walls and floor, everything. If he spilled chocolate there it would be a fiasco. Not that Kurt was keen on getting the dark liquid on his own comforter.

"I just thought it would be nice to sit together and have something warm to drink", Reed said with a smile. "And hot chocolate is always soothing me when I'm upset."

"Are you upset about something?", Kurt arched his eyebrows inquiringly.

"No, well, yeah, you know …" Reed looked at Kurt with an uneasy expression. "Uhm, Kurt, I saw you sleeping when I came in an hour ago to pick you up for dinner. I didn't want to wake you and you couldn't have left the room anyway, because ... well, I don't recommend you to have a look in the mirror, but you should know that your eyes are all red and puffy. And to answer your question, yeah, I'm pretty much upset to see you've been crying. So, yeah, I brought hot chocolate for both of us."

"Have you told anyone?", Kurt asked with a low voice.

Reed shook his head. "No, I just told them you were sleeping."

"Thank you", Kurt mouthed. They both crawled upon Kurt's bed and snuggled into the wall of cushions which Kurt has build up to be able to sit comfortably. To Kurt's surprise Reed removed two pink straws out of the inside pocket of his blazer. "Voilà!"

"Thanks", Kurt took one and put it into his mug, as did Reed, who apparently imitated Kurt's new habit. "Using straws is a very good idea", Reed chirped. "Especially for someone like me." He twisted to look at Kurt, his eyes filled with sympathy. "I noticed how your hands are always shaky. Is that why you're using straws? To avoid spilling your drink?"

"Didn't know you were such a good observer, my friend", Kurt replied and took a sip of his chocolate.

"Well, actually I don't think I am", Reed replied, biting his lower lip. "Because if I was I would have noticed a few things much sooner."

Kurt sensed where this conversation was heading and hastily looked for another topic. "I heard the Warblers wanted to record a song for Blaine today?"

"Yeah, we did. David will upload the video message tonight", Reed said. "We've worked hard on the performance and I think it's rather good. Very emotional."

"So you did the Backstreet Boys song then?"

"Yes, and Wesley sang lead. I didn't know he was this good. He was pretty much amazing! You should have come to see it. The guys would have loved you to be there. They understand you didn't want to take part in the vid, but you could at least have watched."

"Sorry, but I just don't like the song", he rubbed two fingers over his right eyebrow. The throbbing in his head had become intense again.

"I think the song is perfect", Reed sucked audibly at his straw. "I mean, look at you, since Blaine is gone you pretty much seem incomplete."

"That's exactly why I couldn't do the song", Kurt replied angrily. "It reflects just too well how I feel. I don't want to breakdown in front of the camera and have it broadcasted all over the world. And what would Blaine think if I sang something like that to him? I'm sure he has enough to worry about right now, wherever he is. He shouldn't be worrying over me as well."

"I know how miserable you feel. I pretty much feel the same way about Shane. It's not easy to be left in the dark by a person you care about so much. What I'm trying to say is, Kurt …" Reed took a deep breath. "I don't think the way you act is healthy."

Kurt frowned. "What do you mean?" Reed tilted his head and clutched the hot mug in both hands. "I think you should eat something before you take those pills. Actually, I think you should eat anything at all." When Kurt didn't say anything, Reed pressed on. "You know, breakfast, lunch, dinner? Seems you've completely forgotten what that is all about."

When Kurt avoided to look at him and remained silent, Reed gently stabbed his arm with one finger. "Do you really think you can fool me? I know you've been sitting in front of a used tray this whole week."

"How did you find out?" Kurt didn't deny it, which Reed gave him credit for. He would have been insulted if Kurt had continued to lie to him about this. "Because you pretended to have spaghetti on Wednesday. You hate spaghetti, because it is impossible to eat them without getting tomato sauce all over your clothes no matter how many serviettes you drape yourself with. I am the best living proof for this. You usually even refuse to sit next to me when I'm having spaghetti."

This made Kurt smile. "You're right."

"I haven't told your dad yet", Reed said with a seriousness that was atypical for him. "But I will."

"Please, don't", Kurt turned to him with pleading eyes. "You're right. I should tell my parents. Tomorrow night I'll be home, Reed. I will tell them myself. Okay?"

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Friday at lunch time Kurt sat with his friends in the cafeteria, having nothing but a cup of coffee. After Reed's confession that he knew he just pretended having lunch, Kurt had stopped faking it in front of his friends. Now he just sat there, legs crossed, his hands holding his knee while his friends talked. By now they had given up trying to talk to him, because he was constantly impenetrable. You had to repeat a question two or three times before Kurt even realized you were talking to him.

Today Kurt's thoughts were occupied with something else terrifying besides Blaine's absence: Tonight he'd be back home and he had promised Reed to talk to his parents about his eating disorder – how Reed liked to call it –, but he wasn't sure yet how to approach them. Also he didn't see he was doing something wrong. He didn't eat, okay, but just because he couldn't. He would eat again eventually, as soon as his breathing problems were done. He didn't really see what Reed's angle was here. It's not like he was being irresponsible with his body. After all he could afford losing some pounds. But before Reed told it to his dad – and he knew how Reed could make a small issue sound overly dramatic – he rather told his parents himself. But he was afraid that they'd be worried and would try to make him eat. And just to imagine eating made him shudder. He couldn't even watch his friends eat and the stench of their different meals was gross.

Wesley was late. When he finally joined them, he sat down with a serious expression and a sheet of paper in his hands. "What's wrong?" David asked, sensing that his best friend was in a weird mood. "I've got news concerning Blaine", Wesley said carefully. Everybody at the table went quiet and looked at him expectantly. His voice made it clear, it was not good news. He slowly shoved the paper into the middle of the table. "This is a scan of the local paper in Newark. My cousin emailed it to me, because I'd asked him to keep his eyes open for any news on the Anderson family. Apparently, Blaine's father has given an interview."

Kurt braced himself. Whatever Mr Anderson had told the press couldn't be true. Maybe this was now the official part of the story which had already been dished to Principal Walken. The story of Blaine's so called emotional breakdown and his unstable mind. Whatever it was, Kurt prepared himself for a bunch of lies.

"And? What did he say?", David urged Wesley to go on.

"Well, it seems that Blaine has been in a hospital over Christmas", Wesley announced.

Everybody's eyes widened. "Why? What happened to him?"

Wesley hesitated and his eyes strayed over to Kurt for a fleeting moment before he dropped the news, "It looks like he tried to kill himself with an overdose of pills."

Reed instantly put his hand on Kurt's arm, but Kurt hardly felt it. Everything inside him went numb while a voice in his head started screaming: NO! THIS IS NOT TRUE!

"His father says he had been stressed out by all his responsibilities at school and the pressure of trying to follow in his dads footsteps", Wesley went on. "Later that night his brother found him in the bathroom unconscious. He had taken quite a handful of sleeping pills and was rushed to the hospital to get his stomach pumped."

THIS IS NOTHING BUT A LIE!

The print was passed on and everybody looked at it. When it was shoved in front of Kurt, he couldn't read it. He just saw the picture of Blaine at the left corner of the page in his Dalton uniform, smiling.

_I'm gonna call you so often you'll get sick of me._

_That awesome kiss last night? I would like to repeat that anytime soon, but without your father being in the same building, please?_

No, Blaine wouldn't have hurt himself. No way!

_Let's just enjoy the time we have together._

Could this have been a hint? Had Blaine indicated that there wasn't much time left for them?

_And Kurt, t__his is the only truth._

_He wanted something for a lifetime, you know. To always remind you of him._

With a new horror Kurt looked at his bracelet. Did Blaine actually give it to him as a farewell gift? Did he know he wouldn't be around anymore?

BLAINE DID NOT TRY TO KILL HIMSELF!

"You were the last one of us who saw him, Kurt", David now addressed him. "What impression did you have of him then?"

Kurt just stared back at David. He wanted to say out loud what all his heart screamed, but he just couldn't get a word out.

"Kurt?" David and the others looked at him in concern. "Did you have a suspicion about Blaine?"

Kurt slowly shook his head in denial. Suddenly everything was so surreal, nothing made sense anymore. Why should Blaine's father tell the world his son wanted to commit suicide, if it wasn't true?

_If only you could take a look inside me, you'd know how desperate I am to be by your side and how scared of losing you._

Without a word Kurt stood, shouldered his bag and left.

The way Blaine had kissed him the last night they spent together, the way he had gazed at him as if he wanted to remember every little detail. Had he known they wouldn't see each other again?

_I wish I didn't have to go._

A wave of nausea made Kurt lurch, but he moved on, straight ahead, just out of here.

He headed to the first rescue spot in sight, the restroom. Black spots danced in front of Kurt's eyes. He leaned against the washstand, trying to stay on his feet and fight the dizziness in his head. Suddenly the urge to retch was overwhelming and he hurried into a cabin, leaning over the toilet and got sick, the coffee came up again.

"Watch out, your tie!" Out of nowhere Reed was behind him, reaching around him to hold his tie and to steady him. "It's okay, Kurt, everything's gonna be okay, I'm sure." Reed handed him toilet paper to wipe his mouth. Kurt took it thankfully and leaned against the cabin wall. "I know it all sounds awful right now, but he's alive and that's the most important thing you should focus on, right? Please stop crying, Kurt, please."

It was just then that Kurt noticed he really was crying, his whole body was trembling and his breath came in deep rasping gulps. He straightened up and walked back to one ot the sinks to wash his mouth and his face. "You're right, Reed", he murmured. "No need to be crying. Tears don't help anyone." And they definitely don't help Blaine.

He was able to talk himself into enough composure to handle getting out of the restroom and meet his friends who had gathered outside the door in obvious worry over him. When he came out, Wesley stepped forward. "Uhm, listen, if you want to we can skip the rest of the day and I'll drive you home, Kurt."

"No, thank you", Kurt replied. "That is not necessary. We're leaving just as planned tonight."

"Are you okay?" David asked carefully. Kurt glared at him and he knew he should just swallow his answer down and be nice to his friends, but he couldn't stop himself. "No, I'm not okay", he retorted. "How could I be? The one I love is said to be suicidal. He needs me and I can't be there for him, because I don't know where he is. No, I don't think _okay_ is anywhere near to what I'm feeling. But thanks, I appreciate your concern."

Kurt knew it wasn't fair to let his frustration out on his friends, but right now he didn't care. He turned on his heels and headed for the dormitory. He would spend the afternoon in his room and try to calm down and wait until the signs of crying on his face would fade away. He couldn't go home in the state he was in. For distraction he texted back and forth with Mercedes, not mentioning with one word what was being said about Blaine.

_Let's hit the mall tomorrow. It's about time we went shopping again.__ – M_

_Sounds fantastic. Can you pick me up? – K_

Anything to not spending the whole weekend under his parents watch.

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The car stopped in the street, because the driveway of the Hummel-Hudson home was full with parked cars. "Thanks for the ride, Wes. I really appreciate it." Kurt turned to him and forced a smile. "Don't mention it", Wesley said and let out a weary sigh. Again Kurt hadn't spoken a word to him during the whole drive, but had stared out of the window lost in thoughts. He knew that Kurt usually enjoyed talking and wouldn't shut up if one begged him to. But Wesley figured that one couldn't expect Kurt to be himself. Not with all that was going on with Blaine – whatever the hell that was!

"Listen", he started, his head busy producing something comforting to say to his friend, but Kurt cut in, not giving him the chance to speak. "I'm sure I can drive by myself again on Sunday", Kurt explained with an assuring smile. "So I'll see you at Dalton then."

"Shall I help you with your bag?" Wesley offered and motioned to get out of the car. "Don't be silly", Kurt said with a headshake. "Your girlfriend is waiting, don't waste time with my stupid bag." Kurt got out of the car and went to retrieve his bag from the trunk. He shouldered it and waved his friend goodbye. Wesley started the ignition, waved back and was gone. Left alone in the street Kurt turned towards the house and walked up the path.

It was already dark as he approached the house and all of a sudden his heart started beating panicky in response to a memory his subconsciousness sent him. He slowed his pace and listened to any suspicious sounds, but his sneakers crunching into the gravel was the only sound he heard. Still twenty feet away from the front door he stopped and couldn't go on. He squinted his eyes and tried to make out whether or not someone was hiding in the bushes.

"This is ridiculous", he whispered and flinched at the sound of his own voice. No matter what his brain ordered, his body simply refused to go on. He couldn't move, but he wanted to get inside so desperately, he didn't want to stand here, visible to anybody who drove or walked by. His right hand clutched the front of his coat and he didn't dare look around while in his head he was picturing being surrounded by a mob of people who stared at him with hate and disgust. _No one's here_, he told himself, but still he felt weak and vulnerable and exposed, he felt like the sky would fall down and bury him any minute and safety was just out of reach, just like it had been on New Year's.

The door opened and Carole stepped out, smiling at him, "There you are! Come on in, get out of the cold!" Kurt swallowed and felt his senses go back to normal. Slowly he walked towards her, his whole body still tense, but at least his feet moved. When he entered the warmth of the house, he shrugged his coat off and hung it onto the coatrack next to the door. "Are you okay, honey?", Carole asked him and Kurt nodded. "Yes, I'm just cold", he said to excuse his shaking hands which she eyed with concern. Kurt stretched the cuffs of his sleeves into his palms to create the impression that he was cold, but really he wanted to avoid his bandage being seen. The cut on his wrist had healed nicely so far, but he still treated it with ointment and bandaged it up every day.

He followed Carole into the kitchen where Finn was fixing himself a snack. "Finn, do you really need to eat something now?", his mother glared at him. "We'll have dinner in about half an hour."

"By then I'm starved to death", Finn replied with a roll of his eyes.

"Dad's not home yet?", Kurt asked and leaned against the counter.

"He's working late today", Carole answered. "But he should be home by eight."

"Hey!", Finn greeted while shoving a sandwich in his mouth.

"Hey yourself", Kurt answered and rubbed two fingers against his right temple.

"What's up?"

"Not much", Kurt said with a sigh. His heart had calmed down again, but now a headache was building up. Deep behind his right eyebrow his head was pounding like crazy.

"Hey, I thought we could go shopping tomorrow?", Finn suggested. "You know, you offered to help me find new clothes."

"Yeah, sure, I'm seeing Mercedes tomorrow, you can come with us", Kurt said, but Finn sensed that something was wrong. The spark was missing, the usual excitement that hit Kurt whenever he talked about going shopping. Finn looked over to his mother and when their eyes met he could tell that she was worried, too. Actually Carole was rather shocked to see the state Kurt was in. He visibly lost weight, although he wore baggy clothes you could tell he was a lot thinner than he had been last week. And he looked so tired, pale and somehow distant.

"Any word from Blaine?" Carol asked carefully, not sure whether or not this topic was safe.

"Nope", Kurt said, shaking his head and looking even more miserable.

"I've made chicken curry", Carol told him, eager to change subject and brighten her stepson up. "I used your receipt, Kurt, so if I followed it correctly it should be all fat-free and healthy."

"Mom!", Finn complained. "Chicken curry is meant to be tasty and not healthy!"

"Thanks, Carole, but I'm not really hungry."

"You should eat something, honey. You look bad, you know."

"That's because I feel bad", Kurt confirmed with a heartbreaking sigh. He met Carole's eyes and swallowed hard. "I know I'm not in my best shape right now. It's been three weeks since the last time I saw Blaine and now … there is this rumor ..." His voice wavered. _Hold it together, Kurt Hummel_, his brain commanded.

"What rumor?", Carole asked, sensing that this was serious.

Kurt shook his head. "No, it's not important, because it's not _true_!" Kurt sounded like he wanted to assure himself and he hated that he felt unsure about this.

BLAINE DID **NOT** TRY TO KILL HIMSELF!

Exhaustion overwhelmed him and suddenly spots were dancing before his eyes. He knew he was going to faint at any second and he had to get to his room before it happened, so Carole and Finn wouldn't notice and worry about him.

"Excuse me", he murmured and managed to let go of the counter and turn around towards the staircase, but he didn't get far. Without warning his knees buckled and everything went black. Right before Finn's and Carole's eyes he fell. He didn't stumble or lose balance, he just broke down and hit the floor with an ugly thud.

"Kurt!", Carole exclaimed in horror. Finn reached him first and crouched down beside him. He had never seen anyone pass out like this before. Kurt had blacked out before he fell, his body had just sagged without any chance of cushioning his fall. Finn gently took his brother's shoulder and rolled him over. "Kurt?" Finn leaned over him, scared. "Hey Kurt! Wake up!" Kurt stirred a little, but didn't open his eyes.

"Get him to the couch", Carole told her son who obeyed immediately. Carefully Finn pulled his brother up from the floor and into his arms. When he lifted Kurt's limp body up he noticed with surprise how light he was. Beneath Kurt's thick sweater he could actually feel his bones. He carried him over to the living room and laid him down on the couch, then turned to his mother for further instructions. Carole gave him a wet towel while dialing a number on the phone. "Put this on his forehead. Try to wake him up." Carole called her husband and tried not to sound as terrified as she felt. "Honey? Please come home fast. Kurt just arrived and he has a breakdown. I don't know if I should call an ambulance or not!"

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When Burt arrived fifteen minutes later – he drove over the speed limit the entire way home and even ignored one or two red lights – Kurt was awake again, but still in a bad condition. His body was trembling all over and his breathing was uneven. He looked so miserable that it broke Burt's heart. He sat down beside him on the couch and took his shaking hands into his own. Sometimes Burt couldn't believe that the boy was seventeen. Especially at times like these he still saw the eight years old boy in front of him, who had been so lost when his mom had died. "Hey buddy, calm down", Burt said gently and patted Kurt's hands. "What happened? Why are you so upset?"

Kurt didn't – couldn't – answer. He was having a hard time breathing right and with all the tears welling in his eyes it wouldn't get better. He stroked a hand through Kurt's damp hair and felt his forehead. He was all heated and sweating. "He has a temperature", Carole confirmed and brought another cold wet cloth to put on his forehead. "Now, eat this", Carol tried to put some chocolate into Kurt's mouth, but the boy kept his mouth shut and refused to take the candy. Burt turned to his wife. "What happened exactly?"

"Woah, you should've seen the way he hit ground facedown", Finn exclaimed from his seat opposite of the couch. "He's lucky to not have broken his nose! Had me really scared! I thought he was like dead, you know?" Finn rubbed his hands over his knees and Burt had never seen the boy this anxious and worried before.

"I think he fainted, because he didn't eat anything today", Carole declared her guess. "Now eat this, honey, you need sugar!" Reluctantly Kurt accepted the chocolate. He didn't swallow it, but sucked it slowly until it was gone. "Do you think we should get him to a hospital?, Carol asked her husband. "No", Kurt said with a low voice. "I'm sorry I scared you. I was just … I guess you're right, Carole. I didn't eat much today."

"So, what did you have for lunch then?", Burt wanted to know. Kurt seemed to think about this question for ages. "I can't remember ...", he finally said and felt bad about lying to them. This was the right time to tell them he hadn't eaten anything for days – he had promised Reed he would –, but he simply couldn't. They were so worried about him, he couldn't add anything more to that worry.

"You've lost weight, Kurt", Carole said concerned. "My guess is you haven't eaten much for days. "

"So what? I can afford to drop some pounds." Slowly Kurt sat up. He had gotten better, his breathing improved and his hands had stopped shaking. But he still looked exhausted and weary.

"You can't let yourself get into such a state, Kurt!", his father grumbled and arched his eyebrows at him. "You know, you're not a kid anymore, you need to start taking care of yourself."

"Beating me with my own words, are you?", Kurt smiled, but it was a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes. "I'm sorry. You're right. I haven't eaten anything today, so I guess that's why I fainted."

"How can you not eat for a whole day?", Finn asked astonished. "No wonder you're light as a feather." Kurt looked up at him, mortified. "How do you ...?"

"Finn carried you to the couch", Carole explained with that motherly smile of hers. "How else do you think you got here?" Embarrassed by the picture of being carried by Finn, Kurt hid his face in his hands. "Sorry, I didn't mean to cause you all so much trouble."

"Don't worry about it", Finn said with a shrug. "Just, you know, Burt and Mom are right, you should take care of yourself. And what will Blaine think when he sees you again and you're starved to the bones?"

This was when Carole remembered what they'd been talking about before Kurt had passed out. "Oh honey, you were about to tell us what rumor there is about Blaine?" Burt looked up sharply. "News from Blaine?"

"No, it's nothing", Kurt said with a tired voice. "It's just a stupid a rumor Blaine's father spreads around to have people think Blaine's a maniac."

"But what is it?", Carole urged him.

"Please, can we talk tomorrow?", Kurt pleaded. "I really need to go to sleep."

"I'll bring you upstairs in a minute", Burt said. "Just tell us what is said about Blaine."

"Fine", Kurt let out a weary sigh. "His dad says he tried to commit suicide on Christmas Eve. But it's a lie. Blaine would never do that." Kurt stared at the floor while his family went silent in shock. "Can I please go to bed now?" Kurt stood and didn't refuse his father's help to get upstairs. He changed quickly in his bathroom, claiming that he did not need any help to put on his pajamas. "You can leave now, Dad", Kurt managed to say in his best annoyed tone before he climed into his bed. The second his head hit the pillow he was fast asleep.

But his father didn't leave. He sat down at Kurt's bedside and watched over his sleep. A little later Carole joined him. She leaned over Kurt to tug him in, just when he moved his arms and they saw the white bandage on his wrist. "What is this?" Careful and without waking him Carole removed the bandage and she and her husband looked at each other with deep concern. "Do you think he ...?"

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On Saturday morning and after a restless night, Burt knocked at Kurt's door and entered, seeing that his son was awake, but still in bed. "Morning, son."

"Hi", Kurt replied weakly, hugging his pillow and staring out of the window. Burt sat down on the edge of the mattress and decided to get straight to the point. "Tell me about that cut at your wrist." Kurt's eyes shot up, linking with his father's.

"I cut myself on a broken vase", Kurt explained matter-of-factly. When he saw the worried look upon his father's face, he added annoyed, "by accident! You can ask Reed if you don't believe me. Which seems to be the case lately."

"You can't blame me for caring about you", Burt replied and narrowed his eyes at him. "I just want to be sure you're not ... hurting yourself or something."

"Why should I cut myself on purpose?", Kurt shot back angrily. "I hate scars! I was just being clumsy when I wanted to fix that stupid vase in Principal Walken's office!"

"You broke a vase in the principal's office?" Burt frowned at him.

"Oh damn", Kurt covered his face with his hands. "Don't tell him it was us who broke it, please? He doesn't know we sneaked in there."

"You _sneaked_ into the principal's office?" Burt tried to keep up his frown, but by now he was grinning. Boys will be boys, won't they? "Did you at least find what you were looking for?"

"No, nothing. Nada. Niente." With a sigh Kurt sat up and motioned to get out of bed, but Burt stopped him. "Don't bother getting up. Carole's fixing you breakfast, so you can eat in bed while I keep you company."

Immediately a panic build up in Kurt. He couldn't pretend eating when his dad sat in front of him and watched him. It was easier pretending in the midst of a group of people who he could distract with talk. Yeah, he knew what he had promised to Reed, but he just wasn't ready yet. Maybe later today, but not now. He had more important stuff on his mind right now. Like ... Blaine did not try to kill himself. Blaine. Did. NOT. Try. To. Kill. Himself.

"No", Kurt shook his head and forced a smile. "I want to get up and eat breakfast with you at the table. Just give me a minute to get dressed, okay?"

"Well, okay then." Burt stood and left him be.

Carole looked relieved when Kurt sat down at the table with them. Just like her husband she didn't get much sleep last night, wondering if Kurts worry over Blaine would make him even worse. "Toast? Scrambled eggs?", she offered.

"I'll have some cereal." Kurt went to the kitchen to get himself a bowl and milk and returned to the table. By the time he finally had his cereal set, Finn already ate his third toast and helped himself to a second plate of eggs. Burt never took his eyes of his son, who now casually stirred the spoon in his bowl and started talking to Finn about their friends at McKinley. "Don't talk, eat!", Burt reminded him after a while.

"I do eat", Kurt protested and held the spoon up, but instead of putting it in his mouth he just took a tiny sip of milk and then resumed talking to Finn, asking him in which stores he wanted to look for clothes. After Carole and Finn finished up and carried their dishes into the kitchen, Kurt got up to leave the table, too.

"Sit down, Kurt. You're not finished", Burt told him.

"You cannot expect me to eat all of this!", Kurt pointed at his cereal bowl.

"You didn't eat _any_ of it! I watched you!"

"What is this? You're controlling me now?", Kurt growled back at him.

"Honey, you had a breakdown just yesterday", Carole reminded him gently. "You need to eat something."

"You are completely overreacting, Carole." A short laugh escaped his lips and he stood, shoving the chair between himself and the bowl of cereal. "I didn't have a breakdown, I just fainted. I'm going to eat later, okay? Right now I'm just not hungry."

"You have to eat something _now_ or you'll faint again", Carole tried to reason with him, but Kurt simply shook his head, standing in front of the table with his hands on his hips.

"We're done discussing this, Kurt", Burt grumbled. He didn't understand why his son made such a fuss over a bowl of cereal. "Now, sit back down and eat up!"

"You can't make me!" Kurt suddenly shouted angrily at them and made the three of them flinch. They looked at him with sheer disbelief. "This is ridiculous!", Kurt started ranting, throwing his hands in the air. "You're my family! You're supposed to help me, instead you're picking on me!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Burt stood up and walked around the table. "You're the one who's being ridiculous. All I want is for you to sit down and eat something. I don't even care what you're eating and if it's the tablecloth." He wanted to grab Kurt's shoulders to make him sit down again, but to his surprise Kurt backed away as if he was afraid of him.

"Stay away from me!", Kurt screamed at his father in horror. It was then that Burt saw the panic in Kurt's eyes and felt his own heart beat faster. What was happening here? Why was Kurt this terrified all of a sudden? What was he afraid of? Burt stopped short and held his hands up in defeat.

"Kurt, please calm down..." Carole approached him from the other side and Kurt whipped around to face her, feeling trapped. "Honey, just let us ..." Carole reached for him and he lurched back. "All of you! Don't come any closer!"

"Dude, no one's wanting to hurt you", Finn now tried to talk to him, irritated by his strange behavior. "We're not your enemy. You're acting totally uncool right now."

"I'm leaving!", Kurt exclaimed and moved in a wide circle around them towards the door. "Don't try to stop me!", he glared at Finn who had made a step towards him.

"Where are you going?", Burt asked and readied himself to jump forward and grab his son at any second. He wouldn't let him go, no matter how much he would struggle and fight back, he wouldn't let him leave the house in this weird condition.

Kurt took his coat of the hook and put his hand on the doorknob. "I don't know", he answered with a faint voice and throwing a final look back over his shoulder his eyes caught his father's and something unspoken passed between them, something like an apology or a deep regret, and the blankness in Kurt's eyes was the last thing Burt saw before his son collapsed. Kurt's legs wouldn't support him any longer, he leaned against the closed door and his body slid down on it and fell with an awkward noise on the wooden floor.

Carole let out a scream and all three of them hurried over to him. Burt kneeled down next to his son and gathered him up into his arms. "Kurt, wake up, will ya? Come on, buddy!" He clapped his cheeks, but Kurt was completely blacked out. "Call an ambulance!", he shouted to his wife. He wouldn't risk being fooled by Kurt again. The boy needed to be checked by a doctor right now. Damn, they should have brought him to hospital yesterday! While they waited for the ambulance, they tried to wake Kurt, but he wouldn't regain consciousness.

"What's wrong with him?", Finn demanded, he was clearly overstrained by the situation. "Why has he passed out again?"

"We don't know, Finn", Carole answered and drew a shaky breath. "But he will be okay, don't worry." Finn looked at his mother, who was crying. If everything was going to be okay, why was she crying? "Then why doesn't he wake up?"

"He will wake up", Carole assured him. "Just give him some time." Burt checked his son's breathing again and again, it was just so faint. "Wake up, son, come on, wake up!" But Kurt's body was limp in his father's arms and he remained unconscious.

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**Songs in this chapter:**

Backstreet Boys – Incomplete

**Next chapter:** will contain Blaine singing! So please stick around with me a bit longer.

**Thank you for reading and I hope you'll send me your feedback!**


	8. Waiting

**Author's Note: **

Hi guys, it's me again and I'm proudly presenting the next chapter to you. To tell you the truth, I had been really anxious to release the previous chapter, because I thought everyone would be disappointed by it and think it was boring! But I've received the most lovely reviews for it, so thank you so much! You've really lifted my spirits up!

So I decided that I'll try and make the chapters shorter but therefore update sooner. Are you okay with this? I cannot make any promises, because my workload has increased which is giving me less freetime to write this fic, but I'll do my best to not keep you waiting so long!

"Waiting" is also the topic of this chapter, and because I've kept you waiting so long for any news on Blaine, I think it is about time to let him come back in the picture! So let's welcome him back with hugs and kisses, because he is going to need all our love and support from now on! And please don't hate me for letting him suffer all this much!

**Please, please, ****please keep your reviews coming my way! I really love to hear what you're thinking of my story! **

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Finn was a wreck.

He hadn't slept and couldn't concentrate on nothing since Kurt was in hospital again. For some inexplicable reason he somehow felt like he had let Kurt down again. Sure, it wasn't his fault that Kurt hadn't been eating and broken down because of it. Twice.

But when they had spoken on the phone over the last week, all he had done was trying to cheer him up and distract him with stupid talk. Maybe he should have digged deeper. Maybe he should have asked more questions and prompted Kurt to tell him what was on his mind. The thing was Finn wanted Kurt to trust him. He wanted to be the kind of big brother you could count on when things got rough, he did not want to be the annoying big brother who stuck his nose into things that weren't his business. But it was a thin line between _Woah, woah, stop it, I really don't wanna know about THAT!_ and _What the f... ? Are you hurting yourself? Since when is this going on?_

He had noticed that Kurt had built that wall up again that he used to protect himself with in the past and he was not letting anyone have a peek inside. He had figured that if he pushed to far, Kurt would have closed up completely. But maybe it had been too late.

Finn rested his chin in one hand and stared into the coffee cup in front of him. His reflection in the dark hot liquid stared right back at him. It was Sunday afternoon and Finn was in the hospital cafeteria together with Rachel, Mercedes, Brittany and Artie. Kurt was in hospital since Saturday morning and hadn't woken up yet. It was safe to say that his worry over Kurt drove Finn crazy. All he wanted was for Kurt to wake up and get back home.

"It's ridiculous to say Blaine wanted to kill himself", Mercedes just said and shook her head slowly. "I don't believe it for one second."

"You cannot see into people's heads", Rachel pointed out. They passed the print of the interview with Blaine's father around which Artie got hold of after Finn had told him about it.

"That's right, girl, _but_", Mercedes looked around the table at her friends, "Blaine is so full of life, he practically enjoys each and every second of it! I don't know anyone who is so positive and optimistic and full of joy! Ever since Kurt knows him he has brightened up so much, because Blaine's happiness is just contagious. I've never seen Kurt happier than when he is together with Blaine. Someone like him is _not_ suicidal! No way!"

"I'm with Mercedes here", Artie said. "You just need to read this and you know it's a lie. Look here, his father says Blaine loved to be a Dalton student, but couldn't stand the abuse and hateful looks of outsiders who refer to Dalton as a gay school. He suffered greatly from being called gay just because he was a Dalton student and he feared about his reputation." Artie put the print back onto the table. "His father totally makes it sound like Blaine was straight."

"So, obviously his father lied about Blaine's true motivation to swallow those pills, but then why _did_ he swallow them?" Rachel asked.

"He _didn't_ in the first place", Mercedes countered. "Haven't you been listening? He's not the kind of guy to commit suicide."

"I heard that", Rachel said and put her hands around her cup of coffee. "However I think that it is a fact that he took those pills, because otherwise he wouldn't have been in hospital. You cannot fake something like that. And it makes sense that he cannot contact Kurt when he is in therapy right now because of it. Besides, which father would lie about his kid's suicide attempt? Wouldn't he rather cover it up than tell everyone about it? So the question is not _if_ Blaine attempted to end his life, but _why_ he did."

"Unfortunately we can't do anything for Blaine right now", Mercedes said with a sigh. "So the most important question at hand for us is what can we do to help Kurt to cope with all this?"

Finn pushed his mug of coffee, not even half-finished, to the far end of the table. A drop of warm coffee spilled onto his fingers and he watched it slid across his knuckles and drip to the table.

"Finn, are you alright?" Rachel glanced at him with concern.

"Yeah, I'm just …" He shook his head and squinted his eyes. "... worried, I guess. I'm not good at ... losing people."

"You're _not_ going to lose Kurt", Rachel stated and put her hand over his for emphasis. "He's not dying, you know that, don't you? He's not even in a critical state anymore. He's just …"

"… not waking up? Yeah, right, I got that." Finn leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He was sulking. He was tired of being told that there was nothing he could do. No one could do anything except sit and wait!

"Maybe someone should kiss him", Brittany suggested while playing with a strand of her hair. "That's how it works in Disney movies." She shrugged. "I would do it, but it's usually done by a prince. And I know by experience that it doesn't work when a girl is the kisser, because I've kissed a comatose boy once and he didn't wake up."

"You kissed a boy in coma?", Artie asked curious. "In a hospital?"

"No, at a party. He was drunk and walked into a wall and then blacked out. Maybe wake-up-kisses don't work when the person is drunk. But Kurt's not drunk, right? I say one of you guys should give it a try."

Artie held his hands up. "Don't look at me!"

"Brittany, your idea is very much appreciated, but you are aware that real life is not like a Disney movie, are you?" Rachel was always the one for shattering illusions. "Kurt won't wake up just because someone kisses him, not even if it was Blaine, and Blaine's not here to do it."

"We just have to be patient and wait", Mercedes agreed with a sad nod. "And pray for him", she added. "The doctor said he could wake up any minute. He's not in a real coma, he just suffered a serious kind of exhaustion. And I'm talking about physical, mental _and_ emotional exhaustion."

"So, he's like when you're totally wasted from a party and you have to sleep for two days to get sober again?", Brittany asked with a frown, curling a strand of hair around her index finger.

"Kind of", Artie confirmed and patted Brittany's hand.

"I wouldn't want to wake up, too, if my problems would wait for me", Rachel said, her voice filled with sadness. "And let's face it, Blaine won't be coming back anytime soon to brighten things up for Kurt."

Finn saw his parents approach the table and he looked up expectantly, just to shrink in on himself when he saw his mother shake her head slightly in answer to his silent question.

"Hi Mr and Mrs Hummel", the kids greeted, when they joined them, both with cups of steaming coffees in their hands.

"Any news?", Mercedes dared asking, but Burt's face told everything.

"No change", Burt said with a sigh and sat down next to Rachel, stirring his coffee with a wooden stick. "The nurse kicked me out of his room", he growled and shook his head. "As if I was disturbing him. She said I would be informed immediately when he wakes up. I told her I wanted to be _there_ when he wakes up."

"She definitely is childless", Rachel said with sympathy.

Carole put her hand on Finn's arm. "Honey, you should go home and try to get some sleep. You've got school tomorrow."

"How can you think of school now?", Finn moaned. "I won't be able to concentrate anyway. Could as well stay here."

"You better do what your mother says", Burt said, giving him a pointed look. "Or we'll have you lie next to Kurt due to exhaustion."

"Fine", Finn murmured and stood up reluctantly. "I'll just go and see him before I leave." With a nod to his friends Finn left the cafeteria and sauntered through the hospital hallways towards Kurt's room. He nodded at the nurse sitting at the counter, who was doing paperwork and checking off visitors. She knew him by now.

Finn entered the one-bed room and walked up to Kurt's left side. "Hey Kurt, it's me again", he said. "The guys say hello. They miss you. Especially Mercedes. She wanted to go shopping with you so bad, she says she's got nothing to wear and you're her best style adviser. So you better wake up soon or she'll have to dress in last season's something's and you don't want that to happen, do you?"

Finn glanced nervously at the ECG equipment. The continuous beeping sound was irritating. Absolutely everything about this hospital made him hate hospitals and he knew that Kurt hated them, too. "It's about time to wake up now, don't you think? You've kept us waiting long enough."

Finn was drumming with his fingers along the bedside, he was getting impatient. "Look, they want me to go home now, so I can get some sleep, so I can go to school tomorrow. Parents, huh? But actually I don't want to leave without you. So, it would be really cool if you just woke up – _now_." Like a magician he waved his hands over his brother's body. Nothing happened. Of course. He sighed and took Kurt's limp hand into both of his.

"Okay, I don't really know what to say to you anymore. How about I sing something for you? I guess you'd like that, right? Okay, now, this is the only song on my mind dealing with waiting for something, so, here it is."

"Any minute now my ship is coming in  
>I'll keep checking the horizon<br>And I'll stand on the bow  
>And feel the waves come crashing<br>Come crashing down, down, down on me

And you said,"Be still, my love

Open up your heart  
>Let the light shine in"<br>Don't you understand?  
>I already have a plan<br>I'm waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened  
>But in my dreams I slew the dragon<p>

And you say,"Just be here now  
>Forget about the past<br>Your mask is wearing thin"  
>Let me throw one more dice<br>I know that I can win  
>I'm waiting for my real life to begin<p>

Any minute now my ship is coming in  
>I'll keep checking the horizon<br>And I'll check my machine  
>There's sure to be that call<br>It's gonna happen soon, soon, oh so very soon!

I'm waiting for my real life to begin

I'm waiting ..."

Finn ended his song with a frown and with a frustrated sigh he studied Kurt's pale face and the fading bruises. He wondered if Kurt could even hear him. "Alright, brother, listen. Brittany had this idea and I know her ideas are usually kind of _weird_ and this one is no exception to tell you the truth, _but_", Finn drew in a deep breath, "desperate times call for desperate measures, right? And I know I'm no prince and this is not a Disney movie, but I guess if you're going to react to _something_, well, it most likely would be this, so why not give it a shot. Just promise you won't laugh at me, 'kay?"

He leaned down and without thinking too much about it, he cupped Kurt's cheek with one hand and gently pressed his lips to Kurt's. While his own heart beat faster with expectance, the beep of the ECG remained the same annoying monotonous sound. Finn looked at the equipment, but there was not the slightest effect on the ECG waves.

Finn slumped down on a chair next to the bed and rested his head onto the back of the chair. If one year ago somebody would have told him, that he would kiss Kurt Hummel and be completely disappointed that his kiss didn't stirr any reaction to the boy, he would have testified under oath that this person had totally lost his or her mind. He closed his eyes for a second. He really should head home and try to get some sleep, because he was so damn tired ...

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

When he woke up there was no sound except the beat of his own heart throbbing in his ears and his own raspy breathing. He licked his dry lips and felt thirsty, so damn thirsty. He tried to raise his hand to rub his sleepy eyes, but he couldn't move his arms. They were so heavy, they felt like they were being strapped.

Something felt wrong. Seriously. Something was not how it should be. He knew he wasn't home. This place didn't smell, sound or feel like home at all. A line of questions popped up in his head. _What happened? Where am I? Why do I feel like I've been hit by a bus?_

With effort he opened his eyes and was surrounded by darkness. No surprise here. It had been dark for days, for months, forever. The first time he had woken up in here he had panicked, because he had thought he had gone blind. But every now and then someone would come in, turn the lights on and look for him. See if he still was alive.

He tried to shove the stubborn dullness away that occupied his head for much too long now, like a thick fog that clouded his mind and made it hard to think. But today was different. His head was heavy, yeah, but not as heavy as it had been … yesterday? The day before? It was hard to think in terms of time when you had no chance to count it. No sunrise, no sunset, no clock, no routine. He had completely lost track of time by now. He couldn't tell how long he'd been in here, whether it was for days or months or maybe even a lifetime. He just knew that he didn't knew what this place was and why he was here. Most of the time he couldn't even tell whether he was truely awake or not.

But now there was something waking up inside of him. A strong emotion was rummaging in his chest and trying to push the numbness aside. He hadn't felt anything for so long that this was hilarious. Tears welled up in his eyes, how awesome! He could feel again! He could think again! And what he felt was despair! And what he thought was how the hell it was possible that he couldn't think of anything? There was a huge _Nothing_ in his head. It felt like a big and important piece was missing. Like he had been operated and the surgeon had forgotten to put his brain back in.

How could there be nothing? And whatever was missing, would it come back?

And why hadn't he noticed before how intimidating this dead silence was?

Why was there nothing he could distract himself with?

He thought about getting up and searching the room, but somehow he knew there was nothing to find. No furniture, no window, no switch for the lights. The floor and the walls were made of foamed material like big cushions. Just the basic set-up so he couldn't hurt himself.

Hurt himself?

What the …?

_You know why you're here. You're here, because we all care so much about you. We don't want you to hurt yourself._

He had _not_ hurt himself!

Or had he?

But then there had been darkness and silence for so long now, he didn't know anything for sure anymore. He couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't anymore. And it was so hard to focus on the important questions, because his head was swimming in all directions at once.

But he knew a few things for sure.

He knew this was wrong. This was not where he belonged. And he needed to get out of here if he wanted to stay sane!

But _they_ were waiting just outside the door, waiting for him to break.

And the straitjacket he had to wear was to keep him from attacking _them_ and not to keep him from hurting himself. Right?

Why should he hurt himself?

Every now and then the door would open and they'd bring him water and pills and just barely enough food to keep him from starving. He didn't know what he was punished for. What did he do to deserve this treatment? Why was he here – wherever _here_ was? But no, suddenly it all made sense. It was not to punish him for something. No, they just wanted him to be weak, so he couldn't defend himself. It was all tactics.

"It's all tactics", he murmured and flinched at the sound of his own voice. His throat was sore and his voice was rusty, due to lack of using.

He started humming to break the disturbing silence.

There was a melody inside his head and words to that melody that were easy on his lips. The words just came naturally, even though he couldn't grasp the title or the interpret, he sensed that this song had a special meaning to him. No, even more so, he _knew_ it was somehow important to him, but he didn't know why. However he was eager to find out and he figured he had to remember eventually if he just kept singing it.

He tasted those words on his lips, repeated them over and over, played with them, sung with a low voice and then higher, weak and whiny and then strong and forceful. These words were so damn familiar and most importantly they _stirred_ something inside of him, they made him _feel_ something, they chased away the blankness that had taken over his mind for too long now.

He grew restless, he became desperate while singing this song, because he knew there was something important that wanted to breach the surface, it was close, so damn close! He just had to reach out and take it …

The lights switched on, blinding him.

Then there was the quiet creak of the door and a male voice that he had heard before over the past few days, months, years, whatever.

"Hi Wildcat! I hear you got your lovely voice back. I definitely like it better singing than screaming." The young man crouched down beside him and put a hand on his forehead. It felt like a soothing caress even though the boy knew the man was just checking his temperature. Then cold fingers opened his eyes, one by one to check his pupils with a flashlight.

"But don't you have more songs in your repertoire? You're singing this one for three damn hours now."

"Where am I?"

"Oh no, not another Q&A session. Really, I'm not up to it today. God, it's every day the same with the mental ones." The man chuckled and grinned down at the boy, who squinted his eyes, still being blinded and unable to focus.

"Who are you?", the boy now inquired.

The man sighed. "Yeah right, why should you remember me? I'm just the one who pampers you every day. I'm the nose-guy. That's what they call me now, thanks to you, buddy. But hey, I don't blame you for keep forgetting my name. Do you at least know your own name? Huh? What's your name, rich kid?"

The boy frowned at this stupid question. But although his mouth was open to answer, nothing would come out of it.

"Oh, come on, you're not supposed to forget your own name. Just who you are." The nose guy snickered. He dared to mock him!

"How does _Blaine_ sound, huh? Familiar?"

Blaine. Yeah, right. Of course he knew that this was his name, but there was so much mixed up in his head. Now at the sound of his own name he remembered a voice calling him by that name in an amused but not at all mocking tone.

_Blain__e Warbler, you're unbelievable!_

Who had said that to him? And why was the memory of this voice so dear to him? Why could he remember the cute little laugh that accompanied those words so well, but not whom it was from?

"Blaine Warbler", he repeated those words in a murmur to hold them tight and not let them slip away from his treacherous mind. His visitor laughed. "No, your name is Blaine _Anderson_, stupid. God, they've really messed a lot with your head, haven't they?"

He tried to focus on the young man next to him, but his eyes hurt so much, he couldn't see more than the silhouette of him.

"Now, be a good boy and take your pill? If you're being nice, you can get out of here tomorrow. How would you like that? I think that would be a great improvement to your current situation, don't you think? Come on, Wildcat." His caretaker helped him sit up and held a little cup to his lips. This felt familiar, this had happened a lot before over the past few decades. A little pill rolled into his mouth, his tongue played with it and for a brief moment he wondered why the pill tasted like peppermint. No complains. It was a very welcome change. He hadn't had anything tasting like anything for … how long? A long time, that's for sure.

A cup with cold water was brought to his lips and he drank greedily, swallowing the pill without noticing it. "More", he begged when the cup was empty way too soon.

"Believe me, soon you'll get more water than you can swallow", the man answered mysteriously. "See you around!" With another chuckle the nose guy was gone again and Blaine left in darkness. He tried not to despair, he tried to be strong, but now the haze was gone and his head was able to think again and it was so, so hard to stay calm when all you were left to do was _think_. Especially when there was something nagging at the back of your mind and you knew it was important, vital even, and you couldn't grasp it.

He began singing again. This song was the only straw he could hold on to. And he was being rewarded, because all of a sudden the song was accompanied by a picture in his head, a vision of someone who definitely made his heart beat faster. He remembered the most gorgeous blue eyes he had ever seen and a smile so precious, he wanted to see it for real and he wanted to touch those lips, kiss them and he just _knew_ he had kissed them before. But the image was fading, the memory slipped away from him. So now he sang that song desperately one more time, it was his anchor to reality, it made him feel sane in all the insanity that was his world right now and he begged for everything to come back to him, to remember what they had wanted him to lose ...

"You think I'm pretty  
>Without any make-up on<br>You think I'm funny  
>When I tell the punch line wrong<br>I know you get me  
>So I'll let my walls come down, down!<p>

Before you met me I was alright  
>But things were kinda heavy<br>You brought me to life  
>Now every February<br>You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight  
>No regrets, just love!"<p>

And there it was, a spark in the darkness and with a gasp he remembered! And the most real emotion swept him away, drowning him in both hope and despair. There was a memory flickering in his head, so vivid and clear that it brought tears to his eyes. How could he have forgotten? This was real.

Blaine was standing in the Dalton assembly hall, surrounded by his friends and schoolmates, waiting for the principal to show up and finally announce the official Christmas break. But someone was missing. He scanned the crowd for him, standing on his tiptoes for a better view, but the younger boy was nowhere to be seen. "Come on, come on, where are you?", he murmured under his breath. "Don't leave me waiting so long!"

"Why are you so fidgety?" Wesley asked, as always highly amused by Blaine's agitated behavior when Kurt wasn't around.

"Oh, this is just his usual insanity", David said with a grin. "You know, it takes a booster dose of _Kurt_ to get him down again."

"And here he comes", Wesley said and Blaine turned anxiously around with his fingers crossed to see his boyfriend approach them. Kurt was just pocketing his phone and joined them with a broad smile on his face which was for Blaine only.

"My dad said yes!"

"Yay!" Blaine started a goofy victory dance in the middle of the hall, making his friends laugh out loud. "God, I love your dad!"

"You know he won't allow you to sleep in the same room with me", Kurt told him, but this couldn't damper his excitement. "Too sad", Blaine said with a pout. "But that's okay, at least it gives me one more day to enjoy your fascinating company."

"Fascinating?" Kurt repeated with his eyebrow's arched.

"Absolutely! You have no idea how fascinating it is what you're doing to my heart!"

"What am I doing?", Kurt wondered while shrugging at David and Wesley and Reed and all of the other Warbler boys who were standing close by.

"You know", Blaine pursed his lips. "Walking, smiling, breathing."

"There's nothing special about the way I walk, smile and breathe", Kurt shot back, rolling his eyes, but grinning happily.

"See, that's where you're wrong." Blaine stepped forward, put his arms around Kurt's waist and looked deep into his eyes, "_Everything's_ special about you." Their friends laughed and grinned at Blaine's inability _not_ to flirt with Kurt no matter the circumstances. Kurt blushed adorably and slipped away, waggling one finger at him. "If you don't behave, Blaine Warbler, I won't take you home with me."

Suddenly Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand and whirled him around, making him dance with him while singing loudly: "You! Make! Me! Feel like I'm living a Tee! Nage! Dream! The way you turn me on! My! Heart! Stops! When you look at me! Just! One! Touch! Now baby I believe, this is real!"

"Blaine, everybody's looking at us!" Kurt laughed, but Blaine didn't care. He whirled Kurt around one more time, then drew him close, holding him tight, panting. "They're just jealous! They can't see their girlfriends during the week, but I can see my boyfriend every day, all day long."

Kurt smiled at him and to Blaine's surprise he didn't struggle to get free, but allowed him to hold him, for everyone to see. God, Blaine wanted to kiss him so badly right then and – _Hell, why not?_ – he boldy leaned forward and kissed Kurt's lips.

_Click!_

Blaine and Kurt turned to David who held his phone up, grinning sheepishly, and they both spoke at the same time:

"Show me that!"

"Delete it!"

"Oh come on, Kurt", Blaine said in a cute voice. "It's proof of our love, you don't want to delete that, do you?" David handed his phone over and Blaine's smile radiated. "Just look at us, we're so adorable. I want that for my screen saver! Actually, I want that for a life-size poster in my room!"

"Blaine Warbler, you're unbelievable", Kurt said with a little laugh and a loving smile.

"That's why you love me, right?" Blaine tilted his head and gave him puppy eyes.

"No, not at all", Kurt shook his head, but he smiled teasingly and bit his lower lip. "To tell the truth, I love you, because you're such a good kisser." This made Blaine's eyes widen with surprise, even more so when Kurt grabbed his collar, jerked him close and – in the middle of the assembly hall, surrounded by each and every Dalton student! – kissed him again!

_Click! Click! Click!_

"Guys, you _both_ are unbelievable! And shameless! Absolutely shameless!" David shook his head with an evil grin. "My little sisters will totally love these pics."

"Don't you dare putting them on facebook, David!" Kurt glared at him. "_Don't_!"

By now Blaine was crying and laughing all at once. He remembered. He remembered! No matter what they did to him, they couldn't take that part away that was most precious to him. They couldn't make him forget what was engraved to his heart. Yes, he finally remembered what was real! And the name on his mind that he never wanted to forget again was _Kurt Hummel_ and he knew he was his boyfriend and he had to do all he could to get back to him. All of this memory was so overwhelming that Blaine suddenly felt the urge to scream and so he sung out loud his victory.

"I finally, finally, finally found you  
>My missing puzzle piece<br>I'm complete!

My heart stops  
>When you look at me<br>Just one touch  
>Now baby I believe<br>This is real!

This is real!

And you can't take that away from me!

This is real!"

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

**Songs in this chapter:**

Colin Hay – Waiting for my real life to begin

Katy Perry – Teenage Dream

**Next chapter: **

Kurt wakes up and it not happy to find himself in a hospital. Meanwhile, Blaine discovers his new world and desperately looks for a way out.

**Thank you so much for reading and please write a review if you got the time!**


	9. Kiss from a rose

**Author's Note: **

Hey guys, it's DiDi! Thank you so much for your patience with me! I think you agree with me that again it has taken me _much_ too long to write this! Now I'm anxious about how you like this chapter. Please let me know!

A very special thanks to my lovely beta _Full of Ennui_, who helped me revising this chapter! You're just fabulous, thank you! :-)

This story really has become my baby and I think about it day and night! I have a whole bunch of new ideas for this fic, so I can promise you this will continue for _many_ more chapters. So please stick with me until the very end (whenever that will be)!

Also for those of you who are waiting to read more about what Dave Karofsky's up to, I assure you I will pick up that story line again soon.

But first let's get Kurt out of hospital again and hope he'll stay away from any kind of physical harm in the next few chapters ;-)

And let's see if Blaine remembers more of how the hell he got to wherever it is that he is!

**Like always**** I'm craving for your feedback! **

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

Burt ran a hand over his bald head and then rested his chin in his hand with a sigh. He hated waiting, he hated hospitals and he hated it when something was wrong with his son. All three kinds of hatred coming together was a whole lot more hate than he could stand. He shifted uneasily in his seat in the hospital cafeteria and watched his wife reading the article from the Newark local newspaper, which the kids had left on the table. Carole read it with a frown, shaking her head every now and then in denial.

The kids had left shortly after Finn had disappeared to check on Kurt, and to Burt's surprise Rachel and Mercedes both had hugged him and told him not to worry and that Kurt was strong and everything was going to be okay again. He had patted their backs and almost shed some tears. It was good to see how much Kurt's friends cared about him and even about his old man. He knew Mercedes was Kurt's best friend, and even though he hadn't talked much to her over the past two years, he liked her a lot.

"You know where Kurt got his strength from, Mr Hummel? From you," Mercedes had said, smiling up at him with confidence in her eyes. "I remember the day he told me that he had finally confessed to you he was gay. Your acceptance was all he needed. Nothing could scare him anymore as long as he knew you had his back."

Kind words, but why did they make Burt feel so crappy? Maybe, because Kurt had accused him of _not_ having his back.

Right now, he just wished that Kurt would wake up, so he could hug him and tell him how much he loved him and that everything would be okay again, although he knew that _everything_ was a high set goal and he was not necessarily in the position to make such big promises.

With all this kind of emotional stuff going on, no one could be blamed with anything. That's what he had tried to comfort Kurt's roommate with when he had spoken with him yesterday, shortly after Kurt had been rushed to the hospital. Just like the last time, he had been given Kurt's personal belongings, also his phone. This time however he had made sure to put the KLAINE bracelet back around Kurt's wrist the moment he was allowed to see the unconcious boy. He didn't want him to wake up and fret about having lost it again.

When he had sat down in the cafeteria for the first time yesterday, Kurt's phone had started to ring with Lady Gaga's _Fashion_ and Burt had accepted the call after checking the caller's ID on the display. He had talked a lot to Reed over the last week, but this time was different. The boy had been taken aback to hear his voice instead of Kurt's, and when he had learned that Kurt was in hospital again, Burt suddenly had to deal with a desperately crying boy on the phone who was begging for forgiveness and telling him that he had had suspicions about Kurt's eating problems, but Kurt had made him promise not to tell, and in exchange, Kurt had promised to tell them himself as soon as he got home.

The poor boy had been crying for almost an hour and apologizing over and over again. Burt had soothed him the best way he could, and just when the boy had calmed down a bit, he had asked him about the scar on Kurt's wrist, wondering again if maybe it had been self-harmed. Reed had started crying and apologizing all over again, assuring him that he had been there when the cut had happened and that it had been all his fault and it had been a complete silly accident and Kurt would never ever harm himself.

Burt still was amazed by how many friends Kurt had made in such a short period of time. It seemed to him like just yesterday when Kurt didn't have _one_ friend. It had always broken his heart to see Kurt stay home when all the kids in the neighborhood were playing in the street. Burt had tried to socialize his kid a few times by inviting other kids over, but it never turned out to be a good idea.

Kurt had hated those forced playground meetings and had argued with him for hours before the kids even had arrived. The worst thing Burt had ever done, however, was throw a surprise party on Kurt's eleventh birthday and inviting all of his classmates. Of course it had been a total disaster and Kurt had not spoken to him for two months! Not a single word for two whole months! Yeah, Kurt could be harsh like that when he was mortally offended. So Burt had slowly accepted that his son was a loner and he had never tried to force him to make friends again.

The first time Kurt had come home and told him about some new glee club at school and a girl called Mercedes – well, Burt could easily remember that name – who had "a totally stunning voice" and "just a great sense of humor", had struck Burt by surprise, but he had never been happier for his son.

"This is a lot to take in," Carole said when she finally put the print back on the table. "I must say I can't believe it either. Blaine was so _happy_ when he was at ours. It was plain to see how much he is in love with Kurt. Why should he commit suicide a few days later? It doesn't make sense." She looked at him with a sadness in her eyes he hadn't seen there before. "But then things like this never make sense, do they?"

"I guess not," Burt answered, not knowing what else to say. There simply was nothing to say to make them feel better about all this.

Kurt must have been so devastated when he heard about this." She slowly shook her head and corrected herself. "And he was! You should have seen the way he was when he arrived home. He was just a shadow of himself." Carole wiped a stray tear off her cheek and Burt took hold of her hand.

"But then, whatever is wrong with Blaine, you should never blindly believe what you are told, right?," Carole went on, now rummaging in her purse for a tissue. "Even if it's his own father telling."

Burt nodded at this, but he sensed there was something else on her mind.

"What is it, Carole?" He asked her gently. She shook her head, took a deep breath, and then it just spilled out of her mouth.

"Did you know how many people talk about our family?", she suddenly asked him. "I didn't mean to tell you, but it's nagging on my mind for days. Last week my colleague Helen asked me if it was true that we've sent our gay son to a private school. She said she found it rather heartless that we kept our straight son home, but _got rid _of our gay son just when we moved houses so that our new neighborhood wouldn't be bothered by him. I tried to explain to her that Kurt went to Dalton, because he had been bullied at McKinley and not because we were ashamed of him. But I had the feeling she wouldn't believe me. Tell me, how could people possibly think we wouldn't support Kurt and would rather have him out of our way? How could anyone think that _we're_ homophobes?"

"People will always think what they want," Burt answered, too tired to let himself get upset about some strangers talking crap about his family.

A woman with dark brown hair approached their table and stopped at Carole's left side.

"Mr. and Mrs. Hummel?" She was clutching a clipboard to her chest and looked down at both of them expectantly.

"Yes, that's us", Carole answered kindly and forced a smile, even though she didn't feel like smiling at all. The woman held her hand out and shook hands with them.

"Hello, my name is Jennifer Owen. I'm a counselor and I'll be talking to your son as soon as he wakes up. May I join you?"

"Of course. Please sit down." Carole shifted with her chair to make room for the woman.

"Thank you." Mrs Owen sat down and stroked a strand of hair back behind her ear. "I understand Dr. Cornery has already talked to you yesterday about your son's physical constitution?"

"Well, _talked_ is not the word I'd use," Burt growled. "She barely spoke two sentences to us."

Actually, the doctor had been a bitch. Totally. She wouldn't tell them _anything_ until they finally got hold of her in the hallway and insisted on being told what was wrong with Kurt. She then told them that Kurt had reached a serious stage of exhaustion possibly due to several circumstances such as the aftermath of his broken bones, obvious starvation, emotional pressure, and violence trauma. She had stabilized him and would sent a counselor to check on him as soon as he woke up. After having thrown so many unsettling words their way, she had been gone before Carole or he could ask one more question.

Then the nurses had started to act all weird whenever Burt had entered his son's sickroom. They would come in for stupid reasons and eventually usher him out of there for even more stupid reasons, telling him Kurt needed rest, when apparently all he needed was to wake the hell up! And why were Finn and Carole allowed to spend as much time as they wanted in Kurt's room?

Apparently choosing to overhear his comment, the counselor turned to Carole. "Could you please tell me exactly what happened to your son?"

"Well, he had a breakdown," Carole explained. "Two, actually. One Friday night and one Saturday morning. He refused to eat and we've learned by his roommate – that is, because he spend the last week at his school in Westerville – well, his roommate told us that he hadn't been eating over the past week."

"His medical record says he was admitted to this hospital just two weeks ago. He was being attacked at New Year's Eve and had two ribs broken," the woman read off her clipboard.

"That's true," Carole acknowledged. Mrs. Owen leaned forward and folded her hands on the table.

"It looks like he had a panic attack to me. He is dealing with a lot of post-traumatic-stress right now, plus the pain from his broken ribs. As you can imagine, broken ribs cause a lot of trouble. They make it hard to breathe. Has he mentioned problems with swallowing?" She asked.

"No, not that I remember," Carole answered.

"Well, if I compare his weight today to his weight two weeks back, I'd say he has been on a drastic diet. I'd even say it looks as though he hasn't eaten anything for at least ten days."

"Like I said, his roommate told us he hasn't eaten this week at school, but last week after he came home from the hospital, he did eat with us."

Mrs. Owen pursed her lips. "Have you actually seen him eating?"

Both Carole and Burt were surprised by this question.

"I'm not sure. Mostly he took his plate to his room," Carole responded.

"Where he has his own bathroom, I suppose?"

"What are you implying?," Carole asked, confused. "That he is throwing up on purpose?" She glanced over at her husband and then took a deep breath. "Okay, we're ready for anything. What do you think it is? Bulimia? Anorexia?"

Burt looked up incredulously at the mention of those words. Yes, Kurt had always been skinny, and sure he was vain and cared a great deal about his appearance, but bulimia and whatever was for model types and not for a high school boy... right?

"No, I don't think it's bulimia or anorexia," the counselor assured them. "The doctor has also examined his throat and teeth. If a person throws up on a daily basis it leaves visible marks, but it doesn't look like this with your son. All we know thus far is that your son has lost a serious amount of weight in a very short time. Let's not jump to conclusions. My guess is not that he is throwing up, but that he doesn't eat in the first place. It is not out of the ordinary for patients with breathing problems to refuse to eat."

"So, whenever he took his toast upstairs, he flushed it down the toilet?" Burt asked, astonished. It hadn't even occured to him that Kurt would do such a thing.

"Refusing to eat can also be a way to seek attention," Jennifer Owen shuffled through her notes and went right on. "Up to the point where it cannot be ignored anymore. Has he been violated or been otherwise harassed during the past two weeks?"

"No, of course not. He had been home and at school." Carole looked over at her husband. "He is boarding at Dalton Academy and comes home for the weekends. He is very happy at Dalton, no one would harass him there."

"This is what you are assuming, but would he actually tell you if he was?" Mrs. Own asked.

"Granted, Kurt is a very closed-up person; he doesn't talk much about his feelings," Carole explained. "And he is always making sure that he is no bother to us, which he isn't, of course, but he is so concerned about it. But if he was being bullied again, I am sure he would tell us."

"The only thing on his mind lately has been his worry over his friend, Blaine", Burt explained, and it suddenly dawned on him just how much this worry might really have been affecting Kurt, not only emotionally, but physically as well.

"It's all he cared about." He shared a glance with his wife and they both knew. They no longer needed a stranger to tell them what was truly wrong with Kurt.

xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx

"Finn?"

Finn heard someone calling his name, but he didn't stir; it wasn't time to get up yet. _Let me sleep, Mom!_

"Finn, wake up!"

The voice got more insisting now, so Finn hid his head in his arms, snuggled deeper into the chair, and kept his eyes shut with all his might.

"Just five more minutes…"

"Finn Hudson! Will you please finally wake up and tell me why the hell I'm in a hospital again?"

Finn startled awake with a jerk and looked across the room sleepily to find Kurt awake in his bed, glaring over at him.

"God, you sleep like a deadman!" Kurt growled at him.

"Woah, woah, what? Kurt, you're awake?" Finn got to his feet and rubbed the sleep out of his face.

"Yeah, for about ten minutes now, and it took ages to get _you_ to wake up!"

"Woah, that's just amazing! Wait, was it the kiss or …? Damn, how long have I slept? You're okay, right?"

Kurt shook his head at him and now seemed really annoyed.

"I don't understand one word of what you're saying. Say it slower! Or no, wait! Just go and bring Dad and tell him I'm leaving at once! And the nurse or whoever should take all these wire _things_ off me!" He gestured to the ECG wires and the fed-drip on his chest and arms.

"Right, yeah! I'll be right back!" Finn hit the door and ran through the halls as if there was no second to lose.

He found their parents where he had left them in the cafeteria. A woman sat with them, but Finn didn't care. He stopped short next to Burt and almost shouted, "He's awake!"

Burt jumped to his feet like his chair was on fire. Without caring about cordiality towards the counselor, he immediately hurried out of the cafeteria with Finn on his heels.

"Excuse us," Carole managed to say to the counselor before rushing after her two men. But Jennifer Owen didn't let herself be ignored. She followed close behind the family and shouted after them, "Wait up, Mr Hummel! Let me talk to your son first."

"I want to see my son _now_!" Burt said back roughly over his shoulder.

"I know that, Mr. Hummel. But I must insist. I won't be long and then you can talk to him. Alright?" Mrs Owen stepped in front of him and blocked his way just in front of the door. Burt glared at her and then nodded reluctantly as Carole put her hand on his arm.

"Please don't make us wait too long," she said firmly to the counselor. The three of them waited outside Kurt's room.

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As the door opened Kurt looked up, but instead of his father, a young woman came in, smiling so sickenly sweet that Kurt was on guard immediately.

"Hello Kurt, my name is Jennifer Owen. You can call me Jennifer. I am a counselor and I am here to have a little chat with you. How are you feeling?"

"I can tell you how I'm _not_ feeling, and that is chatty-like. I want to see my dad," Kurt replied.

"He's right outside; you can see him in a minute. But we agreed that I should talk to you first," Mrs Owen explained.

"Why?" Kurt asked, stunned for a moment. Why didn't his father want to see him right away?

"Could you please tell me what happened to you?"

"I don't know," Kurt replied honestly. He couldn't quite remember what had brought him here, but slowly bits and pieces started to come back to him. "We had breakfast, but I wouldn't eat anything and my dad got angry about it. Then I fainted, I guess."

The counselor nodded and scribbled something on her pad. "You were exhausted, right?"

"Yes, very much so. I felt so tired," Kurt admitted, relaxing slowly into the conversation. "But that's it. I mean, that's no reason to bring me here."

"Kurt, your body was starved and screaming for attention. Why wouldn't you eat?"

"I think to say I was _starved_ is quite exaggerated," Kurt countered with a frown. "But yes, I didn't eat. I tried, but I couldn't swallow. It felt like I was choking, no matter what I tried to eat."

"You were at this hospital almost two weeks ago. I suppose you still have some pain? Are your ribs healing?"

"I guess so, but yes, it is painful and I have trouble with breathing sometimes."

"Is that why you wouldn't eat? Because you're afraid of suffocation?"

Kurt nodded and the woman smiled sympathetically at him. "That is completely understandable, Kurt. No one will blame you for it. But you must understand that your body needs vitamins and nutrients. To stop eating is not an option. There are always alternatives like pills or drinks to help you overcome this period until your breathing improves and you're able to eat again."

"I know I should have tried something like that," Kurt acknowledged. "But I had so much else occupying my head, I just didn't think about myself."

"Kurt, did you have the feeling that you couldn't talk to anyone about your breathing problems? What about your parents?"

"I just didn't want to bother them," Kurt replied, getting tired of this interview. "Could I talk to my father now? I really feel much better and I want to leave."

"We'll be finished soon, I just have a few more questions. Tell me, exactly when did you stop eating?"

"Since the day I left the hospital," Kurt answered truthfully.

"And your parents didn't notice?"

"I've been very secretive about it."

"Let me ask you something, and please be honest about it, even if it is hard to answer. Are you being abused, Kurt?"

"I am pretty much abused every day", Kurt replied with a snort, slightly confused about where this conversation was heading. "I just need to take a step outside."

"Now the counselor looked up at him with sympathy clearly visible in her eyes.

"Is there someone who abuses you especially?" He hesitated at this question and Mrs Owen nodded at him encouragingly.

"You can trust me. Child abuse is a very serious matter and you are not the first child living in an abusive home. The fact that you're already seventeen doesn't mean no one cares. I promise you, I will make sure you don't have to go back home when you tell me you're being abused by someone close to you."

Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing and for a second he was speechless. It was unthinkable that someone could even assume his father would harm him. But apparently that was what this smug lady was thinking.

"I am _not_ being abused by my dad!", he said to make himself very clear. "And I _want_ to go home!"

Jennifer Owen nodded sadly at his words. "When you were brought here two weeks ago, you told the police you didn't know who attacked you. But I think you are protecting someone. Kurt, there is no need to protect someone who hurts you and who will keep on hurting you as long as you don't speak up for yourself."

Kurt shook his head and couldn't keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"One more time: My father does not abuse me! He didn't break my ribs on New Year's Eve. In all my life, my dad has not once hit me or hurt me in any way and he never would. I appreciate your concern, but I am safer nowhere than I am when I am at home with my father. And that's why I want to see him now. I don't have anything more to say to you."

Mrs. Owen looked at him with obvious pity, and it was clear she didn't believe him, but she left – after giving him her card and telling him he could contact her day and night. She stepped out of the hospital room and was immediately surrounded by the concerned family.

"Well?" Burt asked her anxiously.

"Like I assumed, he acknowledged to me that he wouldn't eat because he feared he might choke when he swallowed anything solid. This fear established itself due to immense breathing problems caused by his broken ribs. I also believe it is a side effect of the emotional trauma from the attack on him two weeks back."

"So what does this mean for us? Do we have to force-feed him?" Carole asked helplessly.

"No, not at all. He will be fine if you give him ground food. Luckily he has no problem with drinking, so he could have protein shakes. It seems he was living on just coke and coffee over the past two weeks. Well, caffeine and sugar can keep someone going, but only for so long. Don't worry, though, I pretty much believe that his problem with swallowing food is just temporary and he will eat properly again. Just give him time during the healing process of his ribs. Until then, don't add any more pressure on him by asking him to try to eat. Also, he needs absolute rest to cope with the emotional trauma. And I highly recommend therapy."

"Can I see him now?" Burt shifted eagerly from one foot to the other.

The counselor nodded. "But please, not all at once."

"You go first, love," Carole smiled at him, knowing that Burt died to see his son.

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Burt went into the hospital room, not sure what to say, but needing to see his son. Kurt lay on the white sheets, a blanket covering his thin body. He looked so little, even more so than usual in Burt's eyes.

"Hey," he said gently, approaching the bed. The urge to hug him and tell him how much he loved him was suddenly overwhelming, but when Kurt's eyes met his, he refrained from doing so.

Kurt was pale and thin, just a shadow of himself, but his eyes were vivid and determined as he looked up at Burt, and there was no sign of the usual loving smile Kurt would give him.

"Hey Dad," Kurt answered, his voice weak and exhausted, but also with an angry undertone. He started to sit up. "Am I done here? Can we leave?"

Kurt was apparently in a bad mood, practically growling at him. Burt wanted to hug him, but he knew his son, and whenever he was in a mood like this, you respected his private space and didn't dare to touch him.

"Wait up!" Burt stopped him, surprised by Kurt's eagerness. "I'm not sure you can leave yet."

Kurt narrowed his eyes at him. "You're not sure or you don't want me to?"

"What kind of question is that?" Burt replied with a sigh. "You know I don't want you to have to stay in a hospital, but you've gotten yourself into a mess here. Forgetting to eat and all."

Kurt's features softened a little. "I know, I'm sorry. It's just stress and worry about Blaine and I promise I will take better care of myself from now on. Okay?"

"Okay," Burt simply said with a nod, and he saw how Kurt relaxed a little, apparently happy that he did not argue the point further.

"Can we go home now?" Kurt asked.

"As soon as the doctor says you'll be okay."

"I just fainted," Kurt said, starting to fight again. "Don't make such a fuss over it!"

"You've been halfway starved, Kurt, and seriously exhausted or whatever the doctors call it."

"I have lost a few pounds, so what? There was no need to get me to a hospital again just because I fainted!" Kurt shouted at him angrily. "You could have just put me on the couch! And now get me the hell out of here. I'm gonna be late for my appointment with Mercedes!"

Burt raised his eyebrows, astonished by Kurt's words. "Kiddo, what do you think how long you've been passed out?"

"I don't know," Kurt replied, annoyed, and shrugged. "An hour? Maybe two?"

Burt's eyes widened at this answer and ran a hand over his head.

"Kurt, it's half past seven in the evening on _Sunday_. You've been out for almost two days," Burt explained very carefully, watching how Kurt's face dropped in disbelief. "You had me really scared, son. For a moment there I thought you'd _never_ wake up again."

He saw Kurt shrink in on himself, but after the first shock of having lost two days, the boy was even more fierce about leaving.

"All the more reason to get out of here as soon as possible, right?" Kurt said with a slight tremble in his voice. "I need to get on my way to Dalton."

"I don't think so." Burt shook his head. "You're not going anywhere, kid."

"You can't leave me here, Dad!" Kurt protested. "Please, just take me home!"

Burt couldn't stand to hear his son pleading so desperately. Kurt had never been the kind of person to ask for a favor, or to ask for anything, really (except maybe for some extra money for new clothes, when his favorite designer had a new collection out), and Burt totally understood his son's dislike for hospitals. But it wasn't his decision to make whether or not Kurt could be checked out of hospital just yet.

"I told you I will", he assured him. "As soon as the doctor says you can leave."

"Hopefully the doctor won't discuss my check-out with that dumb counselor," Kurt snorted. "If it was up to her, I'd never be sent home again."

At some point the nurse slipped in and busied herself with the equipment, followed by a young male nurse who stayed at the door.

"I'll take these off," the woman with the short dark hair said, all businesslike, and stepped up next to him to release him of the EGC wires. As soon as Kurt was freed of the wires, he moodily sat up.

"I don't care what the doctor says, I will not stay here. And if you don't take me home, I will go on my own."

"Now, could you please just wait until the doctor arrives, Kurt?" Burt asked him, sighing.

"I'm done waiting!" the boy shouted back.

"Sir, it is important that you don't upset your son," the nurse told Burt firmly.

"He's not upsetting me, you are!" Kurt snarled at her. "For what reason have you brought that bodyguard type in here, huh?"

It was just then that Burt turned around and noticed the young man with broad shoulders who stood guard at the door, acting all casual about it.

"Don't you get it, Dad?" Kurt said with a bitter laugh. "They think _you_ did this to me. He's here to step in in case you're going to strangle me or whatever." He addressed the nurse with a scowl.

"Yeah, you gotta know, my dad's pure evil. He beats me up every day just for fun." Kurt was getting sarcastic, no good sign.

"Sir, I think you should leave the room now," the nurse announced in a commanding tone, which was the wrong chord to strike with Kurt, who got even angrier about the whole situation.

"Don't you tell my dad what to do!" he told her. "But don't worry, you won't have to deal with us much longer, 'cause I'm done here. I'm leaving!" Kurt pulled the blanket aside and wanted to get up, but the nurse got in his way and stopped him.

"Don't touch me!" Kurt shouted at her as she attempted to push him back down.

"I said DON'T TOUCH ME!" Now Kurt was getting hysterical, and the nurse signed to her colleague to help her deal with him. The young man stepped up and grabbed both Kurt's arms and pinned him down while the nurse prepared an injection. Seeing this Kurt struggled even more.

"No, I don't want this! Leave me alone! Leave me alone!"

All this happened so fast that Burt couldn't take in what was happening at all. But the fear and helplessness he saw in Kurt's eyes now reminded him so much of the fear and panic he had seen in Kurt's eyes on Saturday morning when he had approached him and Kurt had believed his father wanted to harm him.

"STOP IT! Let go of my boy!" Burt shouted angrily and the nurses looked at him startled. Even Kurt had stopped struggling and stared at him with wide open eyes, breathing hard. The male nurse was still clutching at Kurt's arms so hard the skin turned red.

"I said take your hands off my son! Now!" Burt repeated with a growl.

"This is just a sedation shot, sir," the dark haired woman explained to him, lowering the injection.

"He doesn't need it. He's calm now, right, Kurt?" He locked eyes with his boy and Kurt nodded timidly.

"It's not good for him to get upset," the nurse said, trying to explain her actions.

"My son has the right to get upset whenever he likes," Burt grumbled back at her, and he saw a tiny smile spread across Kurt's face. "Now would you please get the doctor down here? I want to sign my boy out and take him home."

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Dr. Cornery came to see Kurt before she would check him out. She recommended that Kurt stay for another night for medical observation, but Burt and Carole agreed that they accepted full responsibility for taking him home immediately. Carole and Finn had joined them in the sickroom to see Kurt and support his discharge. Kurt had to remove the hospital gown so the doctor could have a look at his chest, carefully touching his rib cage and examining his fading bruises. Kurt felt a bit embarrassed for letting his family see his damaged body, but he didn't argue to have them sent out, because all he cared about was leaving as soon as possible.

Finn shifted uneasily from one foot to the other at the sight of Kurt's beaten body. Although almost two weeks had passed since the assault, the bruises all over Kurt's sides and his chest were still visible and Finn felt his stomach churn. He had seen bruises before – all of his football buddies got bruises from the games and showed them off proudly in the shower – but these were way different, these were brutal. Finn glanced over to their parents and could see that they too were shocked to see Kurt like this, thin and broken.

"Inhale deeply", the doctor ordered. Kurt did so and made a face as the pain in his chest struck him. "This will take time to heal, but it looks good so far. I'll have the nurse to make you a new bandage and then you can leave. But no exercise, no school, no nothing, for at least another week. Understood?"

Kurt nodded at her.

"Understood." He was happy when he could finally get dressed. Carole gave him a bag with clothing and Kurt made a face when he pulled the first item out of it.

"Who packed this?" He asked with an exasperated sigh.

"I did," Carole said. "Why? Is something wrong?"

"No, it's alright," Kurt said with another sigh. "Just, why did you bring this particular sweater?"

"Well, it was the first one on the bottom of your wardrobe," Carole explained with a shrug.

"Right, I know that," Kurt replied. "It lay on the bottom for a reason. I never meant to wear it again, I just couldn't dispose of it because, well, it's an _Alexander McQueen_ and you simply don't throw away an _Alexander McQueen_. Ah, well, it's just for the ride home." He pulled it over his head and straightened it. It was a thick sweater with black and blue stripes and almost reached down to his knees.

"Hey, it's the one you sang that song in!" Finn exclaimed and grinned like he'd won a trophy for that correct answer.

"Which song?" Carole asked, confused.

"That competition song," Finn tried to explain. "You know, the diva off with Rachel. I can't remember the title of that song anymore!"

Kurt was astonished. "You can't remember the song, but you remember which sweater I wore?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, look at it, it's pretty damn ugly! Who wouldn't remember that? Also, you screwed that song up so hilariously after having claimed to be able to beat Rachel with it! That in combination with that sweater kinda stuck to everyone's memory."

"This sweater isn't ugly," Kurt said and stroked over it with newly found affection. "But that silly competition is the reason why I hate wearing it, yes." He straightened his shoulders and held his chin high. "And the song was _Defying Gravity_ from _Wicked_. And just so you know, I can sing it way better than Rachel! I just chose not to."

Burt smirked at the brotherly argument between the two boys. He was most impressed, however, by Finn's reaction when Kurt made a scene in the hallway when he was asked by the hospital staff to be wheeled out.

"I won't sit in a wheelchair! I'm not sick. This is humiliating! I can walk on my own two feet!" Kurt said, starting to get upset. Finn resolved the situation by simply putting his arm around his brother's shoulders and pulling him close.

"I got him," he told the nurse. "I promise I'll get him safely out of here." And he did, and Kurt didn't complain about being pinned to Finn's side all the way out of the hospital and into the parking lot. That reminded Burt of the fact that he still hadn't hugged his son, and somehow, it was bothering him.

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"I suppose I speak for everyone when I say we're hungry like bears," Carole said with a sweet laugh. "I'm gonna fix us something. And Kurt, I'll have the blender out and we'll mix you a shake, okay? We can make you any shake you like."

Kurt gave her a thin smile. "Thanks Carole. I would really love that."

"I want you to know that there's no need to keep up an act around us," Carole told him, stroking his arm with motherly tenderness. "We're here to help you."

"I know," Kurt said and nodded assuringly at her, his voice suddenly thick with emotion.

"What do you wanna do while we wait for dinner?" Finn asked him. "We could watch a movie or something."

Kurt cleared his throat before answering. "Yes, we can do that, but first I would like to take a shower."

"Very well, sir. A shower it is. May I lead you upstairs?" This was Burt fooling around and offering Kurt his arm. With a smile, Kurt took hold of his father's arm and allowed him to help him getting upstairs.

Burt sat on his son's bed and rambled on while Kurt took a quick shower next door. He wanted to stay close in case Kurt slipped or needed help.

"You should call your friends and tell them you're okay", Burt told him. "Especially Mercedes. She was devastated when she heard you'd passed out again. And that Cheerio girl, Brittany, she's a sweetheart, I can tell you that. She offered to make a charity campaign to raise money for your new heart and I said, what new heart? And she said she thought you needed a heart transplantation, because Rachel had told her you suffered a severe heartache..." ..._caused by Blaine_.

Burt bit his tongue and swallowed the rest of the sentence down. No need to remind Kurt of that. "Well, they're all just great friends, that's all I can say."

The bathroom door that had been left ajar now opened wide and Kurt hovered in the doorway, leaning against the frame. He had his white bathrobe wrapped around his small figure, his damp hair falling untamed into his face.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and Burt looked up at him, concerned and confused. "What for?"

"For everything, I guess," Kurt said, and his face turned into a mask of misery. "I'm sorry I lied to you, Dad. I know I haven't acted very trustworthy lately, but I _want_ you to trust me and I need you to believe me, when I'm telling you things." He let out a bitter laugh. "To think the hospital staff really thought you were abusing me... they couldn't have been any more wrong. You're the only one I can truly rely on, no matter what."

"You really don't need to worry about these things," Burt told him, looking him right in the eye. "Just always let me know what's going on and we'll be just fine." Kurt nodded eagerly at this and Burt could see that he was fighting back tears.

"Dad, I know it's kinda stupid to ask for, but," and all of a sudden his voice was all teary and hoarse, "Could you please give me a hug? You didn't in the hospital, and I know I have acted so awful towards you and I'm so, so sorry for that."

"Come 'ere!" Burt stood up and wrapped Kurt into his arms like he had wanted to so badly for the past two days. It seemed he had misinterpreted Kurt's dismissive behavior. After all, he was his kid, and right now, he needed some love and comfort more than anything.

"I love you, Kurt," he said loud and clear, although his voice was a bit throaty, "Don't you ever forget that, ya hear me? And I will always have your back!" He felt Kurt's fingers dig into his flannel shirt and his son's chest heaving against his own with deep breaths.

"And now let's get downstairs, have dinner, and watch a movie. I don't even mind if there's some dancing and singing in it." He held Kurt at arm's length and ruffled his hair playfully. Kurt smiled back at him, but it was just a weak smile, and Burt knew that as long as Blaine was missing, this mess was far from being over.

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Blaine couldn't stand the silence anymore. He was still locked-up in that cushioned, cell-like room and had gathered up all his strength to stand up and walk along the walls, but it was exhausting after having lain around for so long. He had also realized it might be suspicious if he showed too much activity all of a sudden, for he was sure he was being monitored. After having been drugged for – how long? – it might be wiser not to appear too eager to get on his own two feet again.

One thing he couldn't stop, however, was his mouth. He had begun talking to himself, although there was nothing he could talk about and just muttering senseless words made him truly feel like a maniac. And he couldn't cry out for the one person he longed to see, the one he needed to be with, the one he loved so desperately it was like physical pain not being able to see him, not being able to make sure he was okay. He didn't even dare _thinking_ his name, because he feared he might say his name aloud – and _they_ couldn't know he was dreaming of him.

The only thing he could do, the only thing that kept him sane in here, the only way he could express his longing without exposing himself, was sing. So since his head was clear enough to let him linger on that beloved face with the most precious smile, he started to sing for him.

Blaine had discovered that there was an incredible number of songs stored in his head, and it felt good to hum tunes and fill his mind with melodies, and every now and then there was a memory attached to a song, and while he sang it, the memory would come back to him.

Singing felt like home, like _he_ was right in front of him, like everything would be okay again soon. It was a straw he could grasp to stay focused, it was the only thing they couldn't take away from him. They would think he sang songs to entertain himself. No one would know that these songs were his private connection to his one and only true love.

Ever since he got aware of his surroundings – ever since he got aware of _himself_ again – Blaine wondered how he had gotten trapped in here. What had happened that had him ended up in this weird facility? Someone had told him that he had tried to commit suicide. Was that the answer? Had he really wanted to kill himself? No! Yes? Everything in his head was so confused right now that he couldn't even tell himself. But yes, there was an irritating kind of black desperation deep inside of him, so he could not stand up and say with all his heart that he had never wanted to end all of this madness. However, he simply couldn't remember what had happened that night, and he didn't want to think about it too much anyways.

Instead, he chose to just skim his mind for memories of his boyfriend, because those memories were precious to him. It pained him that he couldn't remember _everything_, that there were only flashes and pieces in no particular order. Maybe it was some kind of self-protection that he would only remember those bittersweet pieces of his romance with the younger boy and nothing else. Underneath his skin Blaine knew there was something violent, something brutal hiding, but he didn't want to see it just yet.

He leaned with his shoulder on the soft wall and rested his forehead against the cool leather. His head ached and he longed for some distraction. His breath was reflected from the wall and breezed around his face when he muttered words that suddenly popped up in his head.

"_There is so much a man can tell you, so much he can say; there's so much inside._"

Blaine rolled around, his back on the wall, his eyes wide open to invade the darkness.

"_You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain!_" He smiled into the gloom when an idea came to him. With all these songs floating in his mind he would create a list. For Kurt. It was all he could do right now and Blaine knew Kurt would love this list, when he would give it to him hopefully someday soon in the future. It was his special list of the most painful love songs of longing and missing of all times. And he already knew what number one on that list was.

There was this song that reminded him of snow and winter and of Kurt. Not that Kurt was a cold person, no, not at all! He was proud and beautiful like a snow covered rose glittering in the sun and just the thought of him made Blaine shiver inside.

"There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea

You became the light on the dark side of me

Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill

But did you know, that when it snows,

My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen..."

And just when he sung it, he suddenly realized he had sung this song to Kurt before. When and where and why?

"Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.

Ooh, the more I get of you, stranger it feels, yeah.

And now that your rose is in bloom.

A light hits the gloom on the grey."

Yeah, right, it had been some weeks before Christmas, and Kurt had been home for the weekend. On Sunday afternoon, Blaine had spend most of his time looking out of his window, staring at the snowy mud in the parking lot and waiting for Kurt to come back to Dalton.

"But did you know, that when it snows,

My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen."

Blaine sat on the windowsill and rested his forehead against the cold glass. The weekends were so damn long without Kurt, and to make things worse, he knew Kurt was meeting Mercedes today, which left Blaine a bit queasy. He liked Kurt's best friend, but she could be kind of scary sometimes, as she was very protective of _her man_.

It was cold outside and it looked like it was about to snow again. Kurt had sent him a text before he had left Lima, so he knew he was on his way, and texting while Kurt was driving was a no go! But Kurt was taking longer than usual. He should be here by now. So Blaine lingered at the window, watching the parking lot, worrying about Kurt, and hoping he had a safe drive. At the first sight of Kurt's car, Blaine jumped to his feet, ran through the halls, and hopped down the stairs with a big grin on his face, eager to welcome Kurt back.

His boyfriend just opened the door with his giant travel bag in one hand and his messenger bag on its strap around his shoulder when Blaine scooted across the entry hall. A cold chilly wind came in with Kurt and made Blaine shiver, but maybe it wasn't the cold but the sight of Kurt's flushed face that made him feel light-headed.

"Hi!" Blaine stopped right in front of Kurt, making the younger boy jump.

"Geez, Blaine, you scared me!"

"Sorry," Blaine said with a happy grin on his face, reaching out for Kurt's travel bag.

"You don't have to... I can carry that myself," Kurt protested.

"No way!" Blaine took the heavy bag out of Kurt's gloved hand and replaced it with his hand. "I've got a reputation as a gentleman to live up to." He loved the smile that spread across Kurt's face and seeing those lips twitch upwards, he just had to...

Blaine leaned in to kiss him, but Kurt turned slightly away with a shy smile. "Not in the hall, Blaine."

"There's no one here!" Blaine argued at exactly that moment that two of their fellow schoolmates chose to walk casually around the corner and greet them. Kurt just raised an eyebrow at Blaine.

"Okay, you're right. No kisses in public places," Blaine said with a sigh, and they walked hand in hand to the dormitory. When they were on their way upstairs and there was no one to be seen, Blaine leaned in to Kurt again.

"Just a tiny-whiny kiss, _please_?"

"With you it's _never_ just a _tiny_ kiss," Kurt reminded him with a smirk, squeezing Blaine's hand. They entered Kurt's room and Kurt pulled off his gloves and his scarf and reached to unbutton his coat, but Blaine stepped in front of him.

"Let me help you." Kurt rolled his eyes, but he was smiling, so Blaine unbuttoned Kurt's coat and pulled it gently off his shoulders. "If there's one thing in this world that I love, it's undressing you."

Kurt chuckled at this and straightened his shirt while Blaine carried his coat to the wardrobe and hung it neatly on a hanger just like Kurt loved. He noticed that Kurt was humming a melody, and, like always, he wanted to know what was going through his boyfriend's head.

"What are you humming?"

"Oh, it's nothing," Kurt said hastily, and Blaine had the feeling that Kurt was embarrassed. "It's just a song Mercedes and I sang earlier."

Blaine cocked his head. "It sounds familiar. What is it?"

"You know, just some silly Whitney Houston song." Kurt shrugged and played innocent.

"So, how was your meeting with Mercedes, then?" Blaine asked casually, slowly crossing the room back to his side.

"It was fun, as always." Kurt wrinkled his forehead. "Any particular reason why you're asking?"

"No, no, of course not, it's just," now it was Blaine's time to shrug, "knowing you're with Mercedes makes me nervous."

"Why is that?" Kurt asked with a chuckle, and Blaine's eyes fixed on those gorgeous lips.

"I don't know," he said, making a face. "I think she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you," Kurt assured him.

"Then why is it that every time I meet her she knocks my shoulder with her fist, quite painfully, and threatens me? Last time she said, _Don't hurt my man or I'll hurt you ten times worse!_ That is actually quite scary."

Now Kurt was laughing out loud, hiding his mouth with one hand, the other one holding his stomach.

"I guess I should talk to her about not scaring you away." He wiped tears of laughter from his eyes while Blaine's heart was about to burst. He stepped forward and took Kurt's hands into his own.

"Asking permission to lock lips! Urgent! Please?"

"Permission granted," Kurt joked back and tilted his head to meet Blaine's lips – just when the door opened and Reed stepped in.

"Hey, you're back – oh! Did I interrupt something?"

"No, just come in, Reed," Kurt said, smiling apologetically at Blaine's disappointed face.

"How about I meet you in your room in ten minutes?" Kurt suggested to his boyfriend. "Let me unpack and have a quick chat with Reed, okay?"

"Sure. See you in ten." Blaine retreated with a forced smile and checked his watch before he headed to his own room. He made sure to leave the door ajar, so Kurt could feel free to come in. Then he started pacing through his room, making sure everything was in order, knowing that Kurt felt uncomfortable in a messy room and would get the urge to clean up. And he surely wouldn't want Kurt to sweep around and clean up his room today. No way!

Another look at his watch told him that Kurt was late.

"Ten minutes, Mr Hummel? It's already been fifteen now!" Ah hell, Kurt was worth waiting for! And considering that Blaine didn't have a roommate, it was better meeting at his anyway. As long as David and Wesley were out of Dalton, his room was an interruption-free area. Although he had to admit that he was a tiny bit disappointed at being dismissed by Kurt after two whole days of waiting for him. Ah, but now he was being unfair! He had practically assaulted Kurt the moment he had stepped inside. He hadn't given him a chance to breathe and maybe even "get ready" to meet him.

So, be patient, he told himself. It wasn't Kurt's fault that he couldn't stand one damn weekend without him. After all, he could have driven home, too. Yeah, right. Home to a house where the only one he would meet was his dad and the house staff. And he'd rather spent time with the house staff. His mother had lived in Los Angeles with her new guy for over half a year now, and his dad – being a happy single – dated everything that had just turned twenty-one and wore mini-skirts and high heels.

No, Blaine had stayed in Dalton, done some homework, finished an essay due on Tuesday and had spend some time with Reed, who, surprisingly, had stayed behind, too. Usually he would fly to New York on the weekends to help out at his mother's latest fashion show or whatever, but it seemed she was traveling in Europe, which made it too stressful for him to follow on the weekends. Blaine liked Reed–he was a sweet and smart kid– but Blaine felt out of the picture every time the boy started talking about fashion and stuff, something that Kurt absolutely related to, which was why the two boys totally loved each other's company.

Well, that was why Blaine had figured Reed was the perfect subject to interview on one specific matter: a Christmas gift for Kurt. So he had occupied Reed's time by discussing several ideas that popped up in his head, most of which Reed dismissed at first hearing. "_No, you can't take him on a balloon flight in winter, Blaine, you'll freeze to death_."

Still pacing his room and waiting for Kurt to show up, Blaine's phone rang and he frowned at the caller's ID. He took the call with a suspicion. "Valerie! Haven't heard from you for a while!"

"Hey Blainey, well, you know time's money, so I'll get straight to the point ..."

"I'm just _brilliant_, thank you. How are you, my girl?" Blaine interrupted her. He had known her for such a long time now, but ever since she had started working for his dad about a year ago, he couldn't help teasing her to let her know how low he thought of traitors.

"Tell me, do you have a boyfriend?" she asked in an unexpectedly serious tone. Blaine took a second before he answered, not sure where this question was heading.

"Yes, I have. How do you know about it?"

"Actually, I'm looking at your Facebook profile right now, where you've written such cute things like: _Finally, he's mine!_"

"Oh yeah, right!" Blaine smiled to himself.

"You should be more careful. Your father's not going to like this."

"I don't care. I'm gay! He has to deal with it!" Blaine said, getting defensive.

"Oh, he _will_ deal with it, I'm sure about that, but maybe not the way you want him to." He heard her sigh in distress. "Blaine, I'm serious here. I don't want you to get hurt. I just love you, little monkey, way too much..."

"Aww, I love you, too, Val!" he replied, his smile returning.

"You know how much I love that stubborn head of yours, but now apparently you've got someone else to care about rather than just yourself. Is it worth it to have _him_ punished for a fight with your father?"

Blaine noticed a movement and turned around to see Kurt hovering in the threshold, a questioning look upon his face.

"Gotta go, Val," Blaine cut her off. "I guess I'll see you over the Christmas break? Bye!" He hung up on her and crossed the room to meet his boyfriend.

"Hey, you made it," Blaine teased Kurt and ushered him inside, closing the door behind them. A second later, he had his arms wrapped around Kurt's waist and was finally leaning in to kiss him. But Kurt turned his head away. "Who was that?"

"Who was who?" Blaine asked, his eyes fixed on Kurt's lips again and his brain not able to follow.

"On the phone."

"Oh, that was just Valerie. You don't know her. What's wrong?" Blaine looked astonished as Kurt pulled away, out of his arms. Kurt ran a hand over his hair and a sad smile appeared on his face. "I guess I just don't like to hear you telling other people you love them."

Blaine laughed at this. "Are you jealous?"

Kurt raised an eyebrow at him. "Should I be?"

Blaine opened his arms in an reassuring gesture. "There's no need to worry. Valerie is like a sister to me."

Kurt mused about this for a moment. "So, if I told Finn I loved him ..."

Blaine frowned. "That's not the same."

"But it is. He's like a brother to me."

"But you've had a crush on him in the past!"

"How do I know you didn't have a crush on that particular girl in the past?"

"Because she's a _girl_!" Blaine replied, placing special emphasis on the word _girl_.

"So what?" Kurt gave him an accusing glance. "It's not like you haven't struggled with your sexuality before."

"Are we really fighting over this?" Blaine looked incredulously at his boyfriend.

Kurt shrugged. "You can love whoever you want. I'm not hindering you."

"Good,"Blaine said, the smile returning to his face. "Because the only one I want and will ever love is _you_. Do I finally get my long awaited kiss now?"

A smirk appeared on Kurt's lips. "You act like you're dying for it."

"Well, hell, yeah! It's been an eternity since we last kissed. You left Friday afternoon, and now it's Sunday evening."

"Are you counting the hours?"

"Minutes, actually. I _hate_ not being with you, Kurt. I'm addicted to you. A kiss from you is like..." Blaine mused on this a second before he suddenly broke into song. "It's like _a kiss from a rose on the gray, ohhh the more I get of you stranger it feels, yeah, and now that your rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the grey ..."_

"My rose is in bloom?" Kurt chuckled and put his arms around his boyfriend's neck. "Now, before anything else that cheesy drops out of your mouth, I had better shut you up." The moment their lips met, Blaine closed his eyes and embraced Kurt firmly.

The lights went on. Blaine didn't care. He just kept on singing.

"Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.

Ooh, the more I get of you

Stranger it feels, yeah

Now that your rose is in bloom

A light hits the gloom on the grey

And if I should fall, at all

I've been kissed by a rose ...been kissed by a rose on the grey

There is so much a man can tell you,

So much he can say; there's so much inside.

You remain

My power, my pleasure, my pain.

To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah

Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?"

"Hey buddy, we all know by now that you've got a beautiful voice, but could you stop just for a minute?" The male nurse approaching him sounded a bit on the edge. "Well, I promised you could come out today, didn't I? So, here we go, Wildcat."

xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx

Finn walked into the kitchen in the middle of the night. It was hard to get back to his usual sleeping rhythm after not having slept for the last two days. He was pouring himself a glass of juice when he noticed that the fireplace in the living room was still burning brightly and a small figure was sitting on the couch. It seemed he was not the only insomniac tonight. Finn stifled a yawn and joined his brother on the couch. Kurt was staring absent-mindedly into the fire. He had his feet drawn up onto the couch and a blanket over his legs.

"Mind if I sit here?" Finn asked after five minutes had passed by in shared sleepy silence. Kurt didn't answer for another five minutes, and Finn had almost drifted off to sleep, ungracefully slumped into the couch, when he heard his stepbrother speak in a hushed voice.

"I can't stop thinking about him." Kurt's eyes never left the flickering red which projected dancing shadows on his stern face. Finn rubbed his face and shifted into a more upright sitting position. "About whom?"

Now Kurt turned his eyes on Finn, his mouth a thin line of exasperation. "Blaine."

"Oh, right." Finn nodded at him. "Yeah, me, too."

Kurt arched his eyebrows at him, but Finn just shrugged, "I mean, you know, not thinking of him the way _you_ would think of him, but, you know, just thinking, _what the hell's going on?_"

Kurt returned his gaze to the fireplace, rubbing his hands against one another. "I wonder what he's doing right now. Or more important, what's done to him."

"It's all so weird," Finn murmured.

"What is?"

"Just ... everything." Finn bit his lower lip. There was a lot of havoc in that head of his lately. The attack on Kurt and all this _die fag_ shit and the anonymous texts had really gotten to him and he was in a constant worry over Kurt. Funny how he had never really cared about Kurt's safety when they had just been fellow glee club members. Even when their parents had started dating and Karofsky had become a pain in the ass that could not be ignored any longer, Finn had simply chosen to ignore it. And more than anything, he regretted that he hadn't been there for Kurt at that scary time. Once they had started living under the same roof together, they had pretty quickly grown into a real family. He had found out that besides Kurt's diva moments and his _walk all over you_ attitude, the boy actually was a kind and caring person with a big heart. And Finn's protective instinct had been awakened at full force.

He kept on wondering if Karofsky still was an issue that needed to be taken care of. The way the jock was walking around and asking for Kurt was really weird. Shouldn't he be happy that he had chased him away? Why would he care if Kurt was all right? Finn would rather not mention to Kurt what was up with Karofsky lately, because, to tell the truth, he didn't know what the hell was up with that guy. All this stuff that he had found out about Karofsky buying video material of Kurt's performances was utterly confusing to Finn, because, really, what was that all about? After all, it was just a bunch of assumptions that Jacob had made up. Well, hell, Finn would keep an eye on Karofsky, just in case.

Finn noticed that Kurt drew the blanket up to cover his arms.

"Are you cold?" Finn asked.

"Yes." Kurt answered with a shiver. Without another word, Finn stretched out his arm, put it around Kurt's shoulders, and pulled him close.

After a moment of hesitation, Kurt rested his head against Finn's shoulder.

Finn put his chin on Kurt's head and closed his eyes. He was so damn tired. If anyone would have told him a year ago that he'd be sitting on the couch today with Kurt Hummel in his arms, he would have thought the person was a nutcase of a high degree. But now they were brothers, and the awkwardness he had felt towards Kurt in the beginning had somehow vanished by now. He had never known what it was like to have a brother, to care about someone this much, and to feel what it meant to be a family.

"Doesn't Blaine have a brother?" Finn murmured half asleep.

"Yes." Kurt whispered back, snuggling in closer to his side.

"Can't you talk to him?"

"No. He's got a new phone, too, and won't answer his e-mails."

Finn shifted to a more horizontal position and yawned. "Well, then you must go and confront him in person. I mean, he must know what _really_ happened at Christmas with Blaine. He was there, apparently."

Kurt slowly sat back and stared at Finn as if he'd just presented the answer to everything to him. "You're right. Shane is the key! He should be able to give me some answers. I absolutely need to go and see him. But damn, it's a two day drive at least, I don't think I can go there on my own."

Suddenly Finn was wide awake. "Wait! What? I thought he lived in Newark. That's like three hours, right?"

"No, he goes to a boarding school in Colorado. Can't you drive me there? If we go right now, we should be there the day after tomorrow."

"Are you serious? I can't even keep my eyes open! How am I supposed to drive?"

"Okay, well, I guess a few more hours won't make a difference. I have to call Reed first anyway. He has to contact Shane's classmate and ask him about his schedule." Kurt moved to get up, but Finn kept his arm firmly around the smallers boy's shoulders to keep him in place.

"Dude, it's two in the morning. Let the poor guy sleep! And get some yourself." He drew Kurt back close.

"Alright, I guess I am a little tired." Now it was Kurt's turn to stifle a yawn. If anyone would have told him a year ago that he'd be taking a nap with Finn Hudson on the couch, practically lying right in his arms, his heart would have exploded from excitement. But now it just felt comfy and warm and, most of all, safe. They shifted on the couch until they lay side by side, facing each other, with Finn's heavy arm casually entwined around Kurt's waist, and fell asleep to the sound of each other's breathing.

xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx

**Songs in this chapter:**

Seal – Kiss from a rose

**Next chapter: **

Kurt needs to get on his way to Colorado to talk to Blaine's brother to find out what had happened at the Anderson house over Christmas. Will his dad allow him the road trip? Or will he have to sneak out on his own? Wait and see! ;-)

I'm curious: Which love songs do you think should be on Blaine's list for Kurt?

**Thank you so much for reading and please ****please please write a review!**


	10. Snow in Ohio

**Author's Note: **

Hi everyone! :-)

It's time to get Blaine out of that cruel darkroom, don't you think?

**Keep your reviews coming my way please****! XD**

xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx

"Hey, Wildcat, today you can leave the darkroom experience behind you for good. You must be so excited."

Blaine listened to the orderly guy approaching him, his sneakers squeaked on the leathered floor. He kept his eyes closed, because they stung in the neon light, and stayed where he was leaned against the wall at the far end of the room.

_Now! I could just run all over him and head for the door and then _... Blaine sighed inwardly. No. Not yet. He didn't know his surroundings and he'd be caught within seconds. His escape must be carefully planned and figured out in detail.

First he needed to learn where the hell he was.

The young guy who seemed to be his personal caretaker stopped right in front of him. Without looking at him, Blaine could sense that the man was taller than him, but no threatening hulk.

"Good to see our little singing nightingale has gotten up to his feet again. Good for me, so I don't need to drag you out of here like a sack of potatoes." Apparently the orderly guy thought he was funny. Blaine didn't bother replying to him.

"But first things first, here's your pill for today."

Blaine felt the little plastic cup with the pill being held against his lips and hestitated. He should refuse. Why hadn't he refused all the times before? Well, because his head had been completely dazed by those drugs and ... wait! Then why was his head so clear all of a sudden anyway? He squinted his eyes to take a look at this funny guy, but it was still too painful to see.

"Come on, buddy, I'm not in the mood to beg you to take it, although I'm sure you'd like that. Now, we won't leave before you haven't swallowed this little guy down. But if you love this room so much, you can stay. Your choice."

Blaine decided to trust, although it was a hard thing to do. He let the pill fall into his mouth and ... what the hell was this? "Is this a ...?"

A cup of water was pushed to his lips. "Drink."

Blaine did as he was told and suddenly remembered how thirsty he was. Thirsty and dirty and itchy.

He started twitching his arms and hands which still were bound up in the straightjacket. He felt like he would never be able to move his arms again. Right now he could use a shower and a massage and a goddamn proper coke!

"If my father finds out how I am being treated here," he started to say, but his opponent chuckled at his words and grabbed his arm to lead him outside.

"What do you think who pays for exactly what is done to you? Believe me, your daddy knows what is happening here."

They stepped out into a brightly illuminated hallway, which made Blaine close his eyes even tighter. He felt his throat closing and bit hard on the insides of his cheeks.

His father had put him in here. Of course, he had assumed as much. His father would always rather have him out of the way than dealing with him by himself. But this ...

Blaine took a deep but shaky breath.

Keeping him locked-in and super sedated, having him tortured with darkness and pure nothingness...

This was too much.

"Hey, move in a straight line, will ya?" the guy complained, tightening his grip on his arm.

"I'm sorry, but I have to adjust to moving around," Blaine shot back. "It's not like I have been dancing and running around for the past few days." Actually his legs felt wobbly and there was a disturbing buzz in his head. His eyes were teary from the bright light and he couldn't see where he was going at all.

The guy just laughed at this. "Didn't know you were so funny, Wildcat."

"Why do you keep calling me that?" Blaine wondered.

"Because you behaved like a real wild cat your first day here," the guy laughed again. "Like a black panther, all fierce and with your claws out."

He had never let go of Blaine's arm, and it started to hurt as he was dragged along.

Blaine tried to remember arriving at this place, but there was just nothing in his head.

"My nose is healing nicely, by the way, if you give a shit."

"Why should I?" Blaine asked indifferently, but then he recalled that the orderly had told him he was being called Nose-guy by the other staff members. "What's wrong with it anyways?"

"You broke my nose on the day you arrived here. You really don't remember that, huh?" Now his voice sounded grim and slightly annoyed. "My collegues thought it was hilarious to remind me of that by giving me a silly nickname. You're the first patient I have ever had fight like that at his transfer. When I tried to calm you down, you threw a punch at me."

There was a vague memory of having fought wildly against a bunch of white clothed guys who had approached him from all directions. So he had broken this guy's nose? He wasn't sorry at all.

"What's your name?" Blaine asked and added with a smirk, "Apart from Nose-guy."

Nose-guy just grunted and deepened his grip even more. Blaine cursed at being dragged forward while he had to stumble blindly to follow.

"Where are we going?" Blaine demanded, blinking tears from his eyes.

"You'll see soon enough," Nose-guy answered, but he was distracted with his cellphone. Blaine could hear him keying a text.

As they made their way along the corridor, Blaine's eyes slowly adjusted and he could make out a bit of his surroundings. They went down a long hallway with a row of closed doors to both sides and more neon lights above.

Blaine thought it was weird that not one soul passed them, however sometimes he could hear voices behind closed doors.

At the end of the hallway were two elevators, and Nose-guy stopped and waited for one of those to show up. He let go of Blaine to use both hands on his phone.

Blaine turned around. There was a niche facing the elevators with a couple of armchairs and a low table with magazines, but what drew Blaine's attention most of all was the window behind the chairs. It was a glass facade from ceiling to bottom and a blinding light shone inside.

There must be fresh snow outside that reflected the sunlight so brightly. Blaine had to think of how much Kurt loved a snowy landscape, how he adored the way the white blanket glistened and glittered in the sun, how pure and beautiful everything looked.

Slowly he approached the window with the urgent need to look outside, to see the winter landscape and figure out wherever in Ohio he was. Maybe he could see a part of the town, maybe recognise the surrounding area.

But when Blaine stood right in front of the glass, he was stunned.

There was no snow outside and for a moment he was puzzled. Was it already summer? How long had he been locked up?

He rested his forehead against the glass and got dizzy looking _down_.

All this time in the darkness he had imagined being buried, lying in the deepest corner of a basement, but he was high above everything, overlooking a skyline of high-rise buildings in the sunshine. He could see cars on the highways like toys, and people in the streets, tiny like ants.

Where was he? When was he? This was a summer sky when it should be all winter outside.

"This isn't Ohio," he whispered hoarsely as he stared at the skyscrapers in shock.

"Hey, you're a smart one," Nose-guy teased him. "This is L. A., rich kid. Your kind gets treated in sunny weather."

This almost made Blaine laugh, if it hadn't been for the knot in this throat, making him want to cry. Los Angeles. California. So far away from Ohio, so far away from _him_.

And until now, he hadn't seen one damn ray of sunlight since he had arrived here. So much to being treated in sunny L. A.

"You can meet Lindsay Lohan in the community room, if you want. She's a crazy queer, too, but not for any longer, I can tell you that." Again Nose-guy snickered viciously.

Blaine's eyes had recovered at bit by now and he turned to the man with a sour expression. If that idiot had talked to him like this on his first day, he didn't regret punching him in the face even if he couldn't remember it.

But when he looked at the guy now, he gasped in surprise. The young man was tall, slim and with blond curly hair that was bound back into a ponytail. He had very handsome features, except for a band-aid covering his still swollen nose.

"Jeremiah?"

"What?" The guy looked up from his texting and his brown eyes seized Blaine up. "My name's Gabriel. _Never_ call me Gab or Gabby, understood? And never call me Nose-guy and we'll be the best of buddies, alright?"

Blaine nodded and squinted his eyes. How could he have confused him with Jeremiah? At closer look, the orderly guy didn't look at all like the GAP shop assistant he used to have a silly crush on.

"So who's Jeremiah? Your boyfriend?" Gabriel sneered at him again. "Whoever he is, soon he'll be history. You're here to forget all about your past, right? Sorry, you wouldn't remember."

If his hands hadn't been tied up, Blaine would have loved to throw another punch in Gabriel's direction.

"I don't know what I'm here for," Blaine snapped. "Nobody told me!"

The elevator had already arrived a while ago, but Gabriel made no move to step inside. Instead he checked his watch and casually settled down into one of the armchairs, texting away and not caring that Blaine was still lingering by the glass wall.

"Listen, kitty, you want a piece of advice?" Gabriel spoke without looking up at him. "You can tell me whatever you want, I don't care about what spills out of your mouth. But you shouldn't talk this much in front of the doctors. You don't want to experience the ultimate brain wash, do you? Just keep your thoughts to yourself, keep it calm and you'll get out of here faster."

Blaine drew a deep breath and considered his words for a while.

"Why are you helping me?"

"I'm not helping you, believe me," Gabriel chuckled.

"I don't know what to believe anymore," Blaine said, hating that his voice sounded all hoarse and teary.

"Well, that's exactly what they want," Gabriel replied with a shrug, checking his watch again. "Go on, enjoy the view. We still got a few minutes left."

"Before what?"

Gabriel sighed exasperated. "Give me a break, man! I'm totally over-worked here. Just grant me five minutes of peace."

Without a word Blaine turned to stare at the busy streets of Los Angeles. He rested his forehead against the facade again and breathed against it until the glass was fogged and he could blend out that this was L. A.

"I wonder if it's snowing in Ohio," he murmured.

"Let me check. I can look it up with my iPhone. I can do google, wiki... everything, really. This thing is just incredible." Gabriel praised his phone highly. "Let's see... yep. It's definitely snowing in Ohio. God, I hate snow. Good thing we're in sunny California, right?"

"I'd love to see snow now," Blaine whispered.

And to see Kurt wrapped up warm in his coat and scarf and his gloved hands reaching out to hold both of his while breathing clouds into the cold air. Kurt was so beautiful when he was shivering, but still smiling. Everybody would curse the cold, but he would enjoy it.

Instead Kurt disliked summer, which was all about disgusting sweating and awful sunburns and ugly insect stings to him. Just the thought of him made Blaine smile, and he wondered how long it had been since he had last seen him.

"What day is today?"

"The tenth of January."

Blaine counted back to the day he had last seen Kurt. It seemed like an eternity and not like almost three weeks.

This time the tears in his eyes weren't the result of blinding light. He wanted to talk to his boyfriend, see him, touch him, so badly.

"Oh, Kurt..." The name escaped his lips before he could stop himself.

"Kurt who?"

Blaine bit his lower lip. "I didn't say anything." He leaned his back against the glass and faced Gabriel again, who was still absorbed by his phone. Blaine stared at the phone and was struck by an idea.

"Could you dial a number? I need to talk to someone."

"Sorry, but you're not allowed to speak to anyone," the blonde orderly said without looking up.

"And it's not like you wouldn't do things that could get you fired, right?"

Blaine met Gabriel's eyes and knew now they were talking.

After all the guy had given him Tic Tacs instead of whatever drug he was supposed to have.

Gabriel grinned up at him like a moron. He fished a bottle of Tic Tacs out of a large pocket in his white trousers and rattled them.

"Want one?" He flipped the cap open and let one mint fall into his mouth. "You never know when you're gonna need a fresh breath."

"Why did you do that?" Blaine narrowed his eyebrows at him.

"I'd do almost anything for money." Gabriel shrugged.

"Who gave you money to have my pills mixed up?" Blaine insisted on knowing.

"I don't spill on my money sources."

"Okay, alright," Blaine tried to get back to his actual goal. "Just let me make a quick call. I can pay you for it."

Gabriel just chuckled. "You? You don't have any money on you, dummy. You're not worth a dime to me."

"I can give you money when I get home."

"Sure. And when will that be? Duh!" Gabriel finger-gunned him.

Blaine hung his head and kicked the glass wall with one foot, almost losing his slipper.

"Now, now! Easy, little stallion. Be good, Black Beauty!"

Blaine ignored Gabriel's tease. He looked up again and tried another strategy.

"Look, I get it. I'm not supposed to talk to anyone. But what if I don't talk? You can gag me up or something. Just let me hear his voice. That's all I'm asking."

At this Gabriel's grin widened and he looked amazed. "You wanna do an anonymous call? You are aware that you're totally gonna freak out your friend by calling and not saying a word? He will think you're a freaky pervert up on his heels."

"He'll know it's me!" Blaine exclaimed.

The blonde guy raised an eyebrow at this and the corners of his mouth twitched in amusement.

"Worth a bet? I say he won't know it's you."

"He will." Blaine's heart leaped out of his chest at the prospect of hearing Kurt's voice. He knew that Kurt must be as worn out as he was from being separated. He might even wait for him to call day and night, and although Blaine wouldn't be able to talk to him, he just knew that Kurt would know it was him. This would be his sign to let Kurt know that he was okay and would do anything to get the hell out of here.

"Wait a sec. I have to suppress my callers ID." Gabriel pushed several buttons on his phone and Blaine grew more and more excited.

"Are you sure no one will walk in on us?"

"Uh-huh." Gabriel nodded. "Everybody on this floor is at lunch break. Number?"

Blaine dictated Kurt's number to him and then allowed Gabriel to gag him with the white fabric belt from his trousers.

"Not a sound!"

The fabric tasted awful in his mouth, but he didn't mind as long as he was about to contact Kurt.

Gabriel put his phone on speaker, so they both could listen, and made the call.

After three long, long ringing sounds, the call was finally answered.

"_Hello?" _

Blaine's heart stopped beating at the sound of Kurt's voice. He closed his eyes.

Maybe he was wrong and Kurt would not expect him to call without speaking, maybe he wouldn't make the connection and think it was Blaine calling.

He expected his boyfriend to simply hang up, because Kurt would not let himself be bothered by a misdial. So Blaine was unprepared for hearing Kurt talk on, his voice strong, but kind of shaking.

"_So, we're not talking, are we? I understand you're the one who sent me that lovely text message the other day?__"_

Blaine's eyes flew open again. Who did Kurt think was on the phone?

"_I hate to disappoint you, but I'm still alive. And I don't care if you go on terrorizing me, but you could at least tell me where you got my number from." _

Whoa, whoa, what? What the hell was Kurt talking about?

"_Okay, I have a guess then. It's from Blaine's phone. Right? So, if I find out something bad happened to Blaine, I swear I will find you! And yeah, before you ask, this is a threat!" _

Blaine's heart started bolting in his chest. Kurt had no idea where he was or what had happened to him! And Kurt was being terrorized by someone! And he sounded so brave and determined, but at the same time terrified to death.

Blaine gnawed at the belt in his mouth. He had to get free, he had to say something, he had to ask Kurt what was going on! He rubbed his chin over his shoulder and tried to free himself of the damn gag. He managed to get it halfway out of his mouth without Gabriel noticing.

But then he met Gabriel's eyes, and, of course, the orderly _did_ notice what he was up to and started to hang up. Before he could hit the button, however, Blaine bumped into him, making him lose his balance and stumble backwards, too busy catching his feet to hang up the phone.

"Kurt!" Blaine shouted as loudly as he could, the belt still on halfway, blocking his lips.

Gabriel fell against the wall, his phone still clutched in his hand, and scowled at Blaine. With a quick move of his thumb, he ended the call before Blaine could say another word.

"Are you freaking insane?" Gabriel snarled at him, angry about the unexpected attack. He slipped his phone into his back pocket and reached out to get his belt back.

"Call him again! Let me talk to him!" Blaine pleaded the moment his mouth was freed.

"No way!" Gabriel shoved him towards the elevator and pushed a button. The door slid open and Blaine was pushed inside.

"I need to know what's going on."

"Sorry, man! I can't help you. I've done enough already."

"Haven't you heard him? Something strange is going on!" Blaine tried to think through the panic that was building up in his chest. "He said he was being terrorized!"

"Yeah, sounded like he had some shit going on. Nothing you can do about it, though, hero. You're stuck here for an undefined period of time."

Blaine looked at him with desperate eyes. "Depending on?"

Gabriel shrugged and placed his thumb on the _down_ button.

"On how long it takes to get you straight."

"Huh!" Blaine shook his head in disgust.

This was a nightmare. He was stuck in the hell of a nightmare, and there was nothing he could do about it.

How could his father do this to him? How could he actually expect him to turn straight by the way he was treated in this dubious facility?

Blaine shoved those awful thoughts out of the way. This was not important, the only thing that was important right now was to get out of here and to get hold of a phone. _Kurt, what is happening to you?_ Blaine became furious at not being able to be there and help Kurt with whatever he was going through.

"Gabriel, you _must_ help me!" He begged one more time.

"Oh no, see, that's what you definitely got wrong here, mate. I mustn't help you at all. I got my own problems; major girlfriend problems, that is. She thinks I cheated on her! Duh! If kissing another girl when I'm druck counts as cheating, hell yeah, guilty! And by the way, I won." At this point the smirk returned on Gabriel's face. "Your friend didn't recognise you and you scared him shitless!"

Blaine didn't bother opening his mouth again. Unfortunately Gabriel was right. He had scared Kurt and maybe even added to his misery. He just hoped that Kurt had heard him calling out his name and recognised his muffled voice.

The elevator doors opened to another floor that looked very similar to the one they had left. White walls and doors, white tiled floors, and another lounge suite opposite of the elevators. This one however was occupied by two white clothed male nurses who laughed about some joke and barely looked up to greet Gabriel who was leading him outside.

This floor was bustling with people. You could separate them into two groups: nurses and patients. You recognized the patients by being either totally sedated and just able to take one foot before the other, or by being absolutely terrified and shouting at everyone.

Blaine was instantly intimidated by a woman who struggled against the firm grip of two nurses and screamed curses at the top of her lungs. Blaine had never heard so many dirty words out of a woman's mouth before.

"She reminds me of you on your first day," Gabriel commented dryly and Blaine looked up at him with disbelief while they stepped around the commotion in a wide circle.

"I was this bad?"

"Worse. Nose-breakingly worse."

Blaine could totally understand the woman's fierce fight to get free, and even though he couldn't remember much of his own arrival, he still remembered the panic that had made him refuse to cooperate with these people.

While they walked down the hallway, he noticed that he was the only one in a straightjacket.

"Tell me, why do I have to wear this awful thing?"

"Your own fault. Hadn't you punched me in the face, they wouldn't have made you wear one. Your temper has impaired your situation, so you should work on that."

Blaine considered this and decided that the best strategy for him was to blend in with the sedated ones and observe and learn as much of this place as he could.

Gabriel led him through a door into a community bathroom with several shower booths.

_Thank God a shower_, Blaine thought and couldn't wait to have his clothes pulled off. But before he was unleashed of his straightjacket, Gabriel grabbed his shoulders and made him look at him.

"It's good to see you're behaving yourself today so far, Wildcat. I hope you're being all tame and cute once I take your jacket off."

Blaine rolled his eyes. How could this guy think he was able to fight at all?

"My arms are _numb_! Actually I think my arms are about to fall right off my body the moment this jacket is taken away."

"We'll see about that in a sec." The tall blonde stepped behind Blaine to unleash the straps and help him get out of his clothes. Blaine bit hard on his lips to stop himself from crying out loud. Each move hurt so damn much! His arms were prickling and his shoulder blades were stinging and he felt like he'd never ever be able to use his arms and hands properly again.

"Hurts, huh?" Gabriel asked with another one of his annoying chuckles after he had stripped all clothes off Blaine.

He shoved him into the one-man-cubicle and shut the door.

"Enjoy your shower."

Before Blaine knew what was happening, water shot from three sides and from above and hit him full force.

The good thing, there was already soap in the water to cleanse him.

The bad thing, the water was ice cold.

It drew all breath and thoughts and resistance out of him.

All he could do was stand stock-still and wait until either it was over or he was frozen to death.

xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx

**Next chapter: **

Kurt will be going on his way to Colorado. Will he go alone?

**Th****ank you so much for reading! **

**Please make me happy and review! :)**


	11. One big favor

**Author's Note: **

Hello, this is DiDi! :)

And this is Kurt's first part of getting to Colorado.

Enjoy and let me know what you think.

Thank you, my so fabulous beta _Full of Ennui_, for not getting annoyed at the amount of e-mails I bomb you with. XD

xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx

On Monday morning, Carole found the boys sound asleep on the couch with Kurt halfway on top of Finn, using his chest as a pillow. It was such an adorable sight that she went right back into her bedroom to look for her camera in one of her dresser's drawers.

"What do you need that for?" Burt asked his wife, watching her happily check her camera while he was standing in the bathroom door and putting toothpaste on his toothbrush.

Carole looked at him with an expression of absolute joy and excitement on her face.

"Finn and Kurt are asleep! On the couch! Together! It's about the cutest thing I've ever seen!"

Before Burt could reply, she hurried downstairs again, making sure to be quiet so she wouldn't wake the boys up before she got her photo. Burt just chuckled to himself and shook his head at how crazy his wife was sometimes.

Carole went on her tiptoes over to the couch and leaned carefully over to get a good shot. _Click_. Or two. _Click_. Or maybe three. _Click_. Finn woke up to the sound of his mother _aww_ing over something, until he cracked an eye and realized she was adoring the sight of him. _Click_.

"Mom!" Finn exclaimed, annoyed, and raised his hands to cover his face.

"Whatcha doin'?" He started to sit up and flee, but then noticed that there was someone else clinging to him. Oh, right. Kurt.

He sat up slowly and carefully peeled Kurt's hands off him without waking him up, then climbed over him to get off the couch.

"Mom, seriously, you can't take pictures without asking first," Finn criticized her, yawning. Carole just laughed happily and shrugged.

"I figured, apart from the wedding pictures, we don't have any family photos, especially none of you two. So I decided to take some candid shots."

"But not of us when we're sleeping!" Finn complained again, stretching his arms. "God! I don't believe we really slept here. I just wanted to close my eyes for a sec."

"Now, go and get ready for school, honey," Carole told him, smacking his butt playfully.

Kurt ran a hand over his face. He felt worse than before he had gone to sleep. He blinked a couple of times to become aware of his surroundings, facing a widely grinning Carole and a messy-haired Finn who stumbled across the living room to get to his room.

Wait. Had he spent the night on the couch? With Finn? Gosh, how embarrassing was that?

Kurt groaned as he sat up. Everything hurt. Muscles, bones, brains. He felt like an old man with each move aching.

"Are you okay, Kurt? You probably shouldn't sleep on the couch. It's definitely not good if you're lying at a wrong angle." Carole hovered at his side worriedly, but Kurt assured her he was okay. As okay as one could expect him to be.

"All right, hon. Oh, I'd better get breakfast done for Finn," she said and went into the kitchen, secretly skimming through the pictures on her digital camera and wishing the boys had been brothers for real and had grown up together. She had always regretted that Finn was an only child and it made her incredibly happy to see how he was finally bonding with Kurt.

With a sigh, she put her camera aside and started working on her son's favorite sandwiches.

Kurt was already halfway up to his room when he suddenly remembered his conversation with Finn in the middle of the night and ... Shane!

Instantly, Kurt jumped down the stairs again and headed for Finn's room on the first floor. He was so agitated that he broke from his usual manners and invaded his brother's bathroom without knocking first.

"Finn!" He stormed into the little bath and stopped short at the sight of his brother.

"Dude!" Finn stood in the middle of the room, all naked and about to hit the shower.

"Sorry!" Kurt turned around swiftly. He blushed crimson and faced the door, but didn't leave. "Don't worry, I didn't see anything!"

With a grunt, Finn got into the shower and closed the frosted glass.

"What do you want?" He shouted to Kurt over the sound of splashing water. Within seconds the small room was filled with hot steam and the smell of musky shower gel. Kurt turned back around and stepped closer.

"We're going to Colorado today, right?" He asked, tense.

"We're doing _what_?" Finn asked confused back while rubbing shampoo into his hair.

"What we talked about last night! Remember? I have to confront Shane!"

"Oh, that." Finn sounded awkward. "Kurt, we can't just drive down there."

"But you said yourself Shane was the only one who could give me some answers!"

Finn was quick in the shower and already turned the water off. "Right, I said that. Hand me my towel?"

Kurt took the big blue bath towel of the hook and held it out for Finn to grab while closing his eyes _and_ turn his head away. Finn opened the glass door, stepped out of the cubicle and took the towel out of Kurt's hand to wrap it around his waist.

"I think you should talk to Mom and Burt about this," Finn said, stepping past him to the sink. He grabbed another smaller towel to rub his hair, shoulders and chest dry.

"Look, I totally would drive you there, but not behind their backs. Sorry, bro."

Kurt blinked and turned to face him again. To his own surprise, he was not in the slightest distracted by the sight of Finn's muscular chest. The only thing on his mind was the idea of going to Colorado and meeting Blaine's brother.

"No, you're right." Kurt nibbled at his nails. "Of course I'll talk to them about it. I just didn't think that far ahead. Guess it's too early for me to think straight."

"Let me know what they said, okay?" Finn tried to sound hopeful, but Kurt could hear the doubt in his voice. He knew as well as Finn did that their parents wouldn't let him go. Not with him just out of the hospital and still being sick and miserable. Not on a road trip this long. No chance.

Kurt nodded absentmindedly at him and left the bathroom.

He went upstairs and retreated into his own bathroom to wash his face and start on his morning moisturizing routine, but instead he found himself just sitting there and staring wearily at his own reflection.

He felt like the hole Blaine had left inside of him was spreading, eating him up from the inside, making it hard to keep his spirits up.

Kurt grabbed a washcloth and squeezed it tight with both hands to keep himself from knocking all of the flasks and tubes and skin care products off the table in frustration. He wanted to do it so badly just to hear something shatter into pieces.

He blinked tears from his eyes and took a ragged breath.

To talk to Shane was the only way to reach out for Blaine. Otherwise he would go insane.

There was a knock at the door, and Carole's merry voice sailed through the room. "Can I come in, Kurt?"

Kurt straightened himself up and ran a hand through his floppy hair. "Come in."

She came in with that motherly smile of hers that always made Kurt's heart beat with happiness and sadness at the same time. He loved her, he really did. She was awesome and he was so happy for his dad that he had her.

But still, she wasn't his mother. She hadn't been there for the past sixteen years.

And although they had grown into a family pretty fast, the future could not undo the past, neither good nor bad. So when Burt had announced in his wedding vow that the life Kurt and he had been living since his mother's dead hadn't been a life at all and even apologized to him for it, Kurt had been kind of shocked. Of course life hadn't been easy without his mom around, but Kurt had done everything to somehow compensate her loss.

They had managed, they had been a good team, he and his dad. How could he say the way the two of them had been living for the past nine years had not been a life at all?

"I just wanted to see you before I leave for work," Carole said softly. "Burt's staying home for the day, so you're having a nice father-son's day. I think that's long overdue. I'll be home around five. How about we watch a girl's movie then? We still haven't watched the sequel to _The Princess Diaries_."

"Sounds good," Kurt said, but he couldn't make his mouth mold into a smile.

"Oh, and I made a grocery list. Maybe you and Burt could drive to the store, but only if you feel like it. I just thought it would give you a reason to get out for a bit."

"Sure." Kurt nodded at this, although he didn't want to do groceries and watch movies and act like everything was back to normal again. Like he was just staying home, because he was sick. Yes, he was sick. But it was nothing that could be cured with a day spend in bed, a glass of warm milk and a Disney movie.

"Thank you, Carole," he said with a hushed voice, returning his eyes to the mirror. He knew it was useless to ask her for permission to go to Colorado. She would only say yes if his dad said yes.

She turned to leave, but hesitated. Instead, she stepped closer to him and gently stroked through his hair. "I know you miss Blaine," she said softly and bit her lips, thinking hard of what she could say to comfort him. However, she just gave him another hopeful smile and patted his back. "You'll be better soon."

He watched her leave.

It was hard to say words of consolation if there simply was no such thing as consolation. He was alone with his pain and nothing could change that. He wouldn't be better, not soon, not ever, unless Blaine came back.

With a sigh, he put the cap back onto the moisturizer without finishing his routine. What did it matter if his skin was nice and soft or not? Who cared?

He went back into his room and sat down at his desk. He pulled out his laptop to check out the route to Colorado while at the same time picking up his phone and calling Reed, who still had half an hour before he had to get to class. Kurt asked him to contact Shane's schoolmate and ask for the exact address of the school and Shane's schedule and e-mail him the info as soon as possible. Reed promised to get all the information he needed, but also started worrying about him again.

"No problem, but what do you need that for?"

"I'm going to see Shane and ask him about Blaine."

For a moment, there was just silence at the end of the line and Kurt wondered if Reed had lost his voice. "Reed, you still there?"

"Yeah, sure, I'm just ... wow! You really wanna do this, Kurt? It's quite a trip, you know that?"

"Yes, I know that. I've got Google Maps right in front of me."

"You should take a flight, it's much faster and takes less effort."

"My dad hates flying. He'd always rather drive by himself, you know, that way he has control over the vehicle himself and doesn't trust his life to a pilot he hasn't even met. Guess it makes him feel helpless being at the mercy of someone else."

"So your parents know that you want to do this?"

Of course Reed was worried that he was doing stuff on his own again instead of confiding in his parents. For a brief moment, Kurt had even considered sneaking out of the house and drive to Colorado by himself, but just standing up made him dizzy and he had to face reality: he couldn't drive there by himself. Not in the poor condition he was in. Sure, he might be able to drive to the airport and get on a plane, but he couldn't risk losing his dad's trust over this.

"Not yet, but I'm about to tell them. I will let you talk to my dad when he approves, okay?"

"Okay, thanks. I'm not sure if it's really a good idea to confront Shane, but I can't think of anything else that you could do. We'll text, okay? And you know, when you meet Shane, tell him... I don't know... just tell him I said hi."

Kurt recognized the sadness in Reed's voice. It resembled so much his own. He could tell that Reed had started to fall in love with Blaine's brother, before the Anderson brothers had disappeared and had left the two of them with aching hearts and steadily growing question marks above their heads.

"Will do, Reed," Kurt assured him with a soft voice. "Right after I kick his ass."

xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx

Finn and Carole were already gone when Kurt left his room to look for his father. "Dad?"

"Here!"

He found his dad in the bathroom connected to the master bedroom. He was crouching under the sink with his tool box nearby, about to take off the draining device.

"Morning, Dad."

"Good morning yourself, son."

"What are you doing?"

"Ah, Carole was complaining about the drain being blocked and asked me to check it. Just thought I'd get it over with now."

"Good luck."

Burt chuckled and glanced at his son who was lingering in the threshold. "That's no question of luck, but ability."

"And you've got the ability to repair a sink?"

"I hope so. It'll cost less if I do it myself than if I call help from the yellow pages."

"Carole said you're not going to work today?"

"Yep. I told Jeremy to hire a help for the whole week, so he's not on his own. I'll check on the shop in the evenings, as soon as Carole's home." Burt stood up and faced his son. "And hey, I know you feel like you're being babysat, but I'd like to look at it as some bonding time for the two of us. It's been a while since we hung out, and ever since you started at Dalton, I've had the feeling that I don't get to see you anymore."

Kurt considered this for a moment. "So, actually it wouldn't matter, if we stayed home or elsewhere, right?"

"What do you mean? You wanna go somewhere? I'm cool with that. Let's hit the mall or something. As long as it doesn't get too exhausting for you..."

"Dad, I need a favor. A big one."

Burt looked up at the unexpectedly serious tone of his son. "Sure. What is it?"

Kurt licked his lips and cleared his throat before he dropped the bomb. "I need you to drive me to Colorado Springs. If possible, right now."

"Colorado Springs?" Burt arched his eyebrows in surprise. "That is at least a two day drive."

"About twenty hours actually. It's 1229 miles, I checked on Google Maps," Kurt offered some facts, then hastily added, "Maybe less if we don't get stuck in traffic or snow chaos, which is _not_ forecast by the way. Of course, I could also take a flight, if that would make you feel better."

Burt blinked a few times, then shook his head and held his hand up. "Hold up! I guess I am missing a piece here. What on earth do you want to do in Colorado Springs?"

"I need to see Blaine's brother. He goes to boarding school there," Kurt explained and pleaded with his eyes. "I really need to talk to him about Blaine."

"Well, and why can't you just call him?"

"Because, just like Blaine, he changed his phone number and he doesn't answer his e-mails. There's no other way to speak to him other than confronting him in person. Look, I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't really important."

Kurt was standing there, still in his pajamas, hugging himself. He knew his father would dismiss his plea, so he kept on talking to postpone his dismissal.

"You know, Reed is going to ask a schoolmate of Shane's for the exact address of the school and his schedule. They've been in contact for a while, that is, Reed and this schoolmate, Steve, Steven or whatever. And Steve told him that Shane has been behaving strangely ever since he got back from Christmas break. He's not hanging out with his friends anymore, but with a bunch of jocks and he is acting like the school bully or something."

"If Reed has contact with this kid, Steven, why don't you find out his phone number, call him and let him give his phone to Shane?" Burt suggested, leaning against the sink casually. "So you can talk to him without driving through the whole country."

Kurt let out a snort.

"Wow, well, thank you for that great advice! I almost drove 1229 miles to Colorado Springs, when I just could have picked up the phone. How could I be so stupid?"

He smacked his forehead mockingly.

"You think we haven't thought of that before?" Kurt shot at him. "Because we have. Reed called Steve last week and Steve gave his phone to Shane, but Shane was suspicious and wouldn't even take the phone! After that, Shane threatened Steven to never try something like that again or else he'd break his nose. He made it very clear that he didn't want to speak to _anyone_ from Dalton. So Steve told Reed that he wouldn't do this again and now Reed is absolutely intimidated by this whole affair and he is devastated that Shane wouldn't even talk to him for one second."

Kurt threw his hands in the air. "That's why I have to confront him in person, so he can't run away or something. Once I get ahold of him, I won't let him go until I've gotten some answers."

"And what exactly do you want to ask him?" Burt asked calmly, having listened to all of this.

"What really happened on Christmas Eve at the Anderson house, and where they've put Blaine."

Burt sighed and rolled up his sleeves. "Kurt, you don't think of your own health, but I do and a two day trip is not going to do you any good."

"Staying home is doing me no good," Kurt countered, shaking his head back and forth. "I feel so useless, Dad. I feel like I should be doing something to help Blaine. There must be something I can do."

Kurt's eyes bore into his fathers, trying desperately to make him see.

"Dad, the last time I saw him, Blaine was _not_ suicidal. He wasn't. The night before he left our house, he told me how much he loved me and how happy he was to be with me. Something must have happened when he got home and Shane is the only one who can tell me."

Burt scratched his head and then shoved his baseball hat back on. "Kurt, I understand how important this is to you. But I won't have you risk your health, because of this."

Kurt clenched his jaw and balled his hands into fists. "No, you don't understand, Dad. You say you do, but you don't. I _need_ to do this."

Now Burt's voice got severe. "We're not going. Not today. I promise you, we will drive wherever you want as soon as you feel better. _Maybe_ next week."

"Next week is too late!" Kurt insisted.

"Why? Why would next week be too late?" Burt asked exasperated and opened his arms in a questioning gesture.

"Because I need to know what happened to Blaine _NOW_!" Kurt shouted at him.

They stared at each other for a long moment.

"Kurt, you're not going anywhere. It's not going to happen. End of discussion!"

To make it clear that this conversation was over, Burt turned back to repair the sink and rummaged in his tool box for a wrench, fully aware that Kurt was still standing in the doorway and watching his back.

"Okay, then, Dad. If that is your last word." Kurt nodded understandingly and pursed his lips. But when he continued, he spoke in an eerie calm voice.

"Then why don't you put a gun to my head and shoot me? That would be less cruel, don't you think?"

Burt stood up again and turned to face his son. He knew when Kurt was being serious about something, and the moment their eyes met, he saw that what he had at first mistaken for childish stubbornness was black despair. "Kurt..."

They stared at each other for a moment until Kurt's face crumpled.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that," he apologized in a tiny voice, turning to clutch the door frame to his left with both hands, resting his forehead against the wood and closing his eyes.

"But I can't stay here and just _wait_ for something. I can't, I just _can't_!"

Kurt took a ragged breath, his eyes still closed and his hands clinging to the frame to keep him upright and not break down in front of him. "Dad, you're practically begging me to sneak out and drive there on my own and I would if I had the strength. But right now I haven't and I don't want to risk a crash. I could ask Finn, you know that. He might even do it. But I know you'd hate me forever and you'd be so angry with Finn."

Kurt drew another shaky breath and shut his eyes even tighter to fight back the tears. "So I'm asking _you,_ Dad! Please! Just _please_!"

Burt had never seen his son so desperate and so lost.

This was not how Kurt used to be. This was not the boy he had raised and seen grow up.

Kurt was strong. A lot of crap had happened to him in the past, but it just had made him stronger.

Being beaten up on his own doorstep by a stranger had been the worst thing that ever happened to him, but he would not let himself be dragged down by it. He would go on, head held high, even with broken bones and bruises. That was who Kurt was. Hell, Burt was sure that he was more terrified by what had happened at New Year's Eve than Kurt was!

The one thing that was really nagging at his son was Blaine's disappearance. He got that. No matter how strong Kurt was when it just was about himself, he would simply break if something bad happened to someone he loved and he could do nothing about it.

A short time after Burt had come back home from the hospital, still recovering from his heart attack, Carole had told him how lost Kurt had been all those days, waiting for him to wake up. He could only imagine how desperate and lonely Kurt must have felt back then. And today?

Today it was plain to see that the boy in front of him was falling apart.

It was his job to keep that from happening.

Now, what would a good father do?

It seemed that he had no other choice but to think of Kurt's health and say no.

Maybe he should pay a therapist to check on him on a regularly basis.

Maybe should have the doctor subscribe those antidepressants for him and keep him medicated.

He should definitely keep him home, keep him safe.

Burt let out a long sigh and put his hands on his hips as he looked over at his son who was trying hard not to cry.

"Go and check if the sat nav is charged. We're gonna need it for such a long drive."

Burt saw his son's face light up in sheer surprise as he looked up from hugging the doorframe.

"Really?" Kurt asked astonished. The relief he felt was overwhelming, and for a second, he beamed at his dad like his little world was back in its proper place again.

"I'll call Carole to tell her we'll be on a road trip for the next few days. I guess we should make a list of what to pack. We'll take the Navigator, it's more comfy for such a long ride."

"Just leave the packing to me," Kurt said eagerly, wiping the tears from his cheeks that had somehow escaped despite his attempts to keep them from falling. "I'll be done in half an hour."

"Wait. I have a few conditions." Burt stopped his son from running off.

"First, when I see that this trip is getting too straining for you, we'll turn back around. Second, at night we'll make a stop at some motel and get some sleep."

"What if we took Finn with us?" Kurt suggested. "You could take turns with driving, so we wouldn't have to stop for breaks."

"No, Finn stays put. He has school and he should stay with his mother. I don't want Carole to be left all alone."

"Okay then." Kurt nodded his approval. He stood there, his hands folded in front of his mouth and his eyes watching his father carefully, as if he expected him to change his mind every moment.

"That's it?"

"Yeah, that's all I can think of for now," Burt grunted.

"Okay," Kurt said again and let out another sigh of relief. "You go on fixing Carole's sink. I'll go and pack everything we need for our trip."

And before Burt could truly change his mind, Kurt hurried out of the room. Burt inhaled deeply and scratched his neck, hoping deeply that he had made the right decision.

xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx o xxx

**Next chapter: **

Blaine is still alive, still in a place he wants to escape and still in love with Kurt.

**Reviews? :)**


	12. Bleeding Love

**Author's Note: **

Hi everyone! :)

SORRY for this late update! :'(

THANK YOU all so much for your sweet reviews! I always LOVE to read them, so please keep them coming my way! 3

HUGE hugs and kisses to Lisa who helped me revise this chapter and turned it upside down! XD

This chapter is all about Blaine. Enjoy!

~ o ~ o ~

Cold.

God, it was so cold.

When Blaine woke up, he found that he couldn't immediately open his eyes. He was dizzy and disorientated.

His hands were like ice, and he tucked them underneath his armpits for warmth, ignoring the piercing pain the movement caused each and every muscle in his arms and shoulders.

He opened his eyes slowly.

The room was painted a soft white, and a matching white curtain by his bed veiled the only window. He was lying on a bed with light blue sheets and his head rested on a thick, comfortable pillow. Everything seemed so peaceful...but he knew better. While this room looked much nicer than the last, it was just another prison cell.

He couldn't remember how he'd gotten here, nor could he remember putting on the green pyjamas he was wearing.

The only thing he remembered was being incredibly cold. He was still shivering.

Slowly it dawned on him that he must have passed out in the shower.

Gabriel must have dressed him and brought him here. Blaine didn't allow himself to linger on the indignity of being dressed by someone else. No time to feel embarrassed about this. Who cared about his sense of shame these days anyway? He was sure that Gabriel had no qualms about torturing him.

He glanced over at the door to his left. He knew it would be locked, so he didn't bother getting up and trying the handle. However, he decided to take a look out the window, just to see which story he was on. Of course he wouldn't be anywhere near the ground. No way he could jump out and run. He sat up cautiously and pulled back the curtain to see a familiar skyline.

Los Angeles. Shit.

Shit shit shit.

He still couldn't believe it. He'd never imagined that returning to the City of Angels would make him feel so helpless. So desperate. So utterly lost.

How he wished he was at least still in Ohio.

If only he could get away, walk all the way to Kurt's house, collapse right into his arms.

But there was no chance walking from California to Ohio.

No chance he'd get a flight without his passport.

No chance at escaping this place.

...At least not physically. Closing his eyes he hummed a familiar melody. Gradually, the humming evolved into murmured words.

"Closed off from love

I didn't need the pain

Once or twice was enough

And it was all in vain

Time starts to pass

Before you know it you're frozen"

He rose up on one elbow and cursed under his breath. Damn, his body was aching. He lay down on his back again and tried to move his arms carefully, stretching and bending them. It felt good to be able to move again, even if it _was_ painful.

_There you go, Dad. Now you've got what you wanted._

Yes, his father wanted him to feel pain, to feel miserable, to feel ashamed of himself...To turn straight.

"But something happened

For the very first time with you

My heart melts into the ground

Found something true

And everyone's looking round

Thinking I'm going crazy"

But no, he would _never_ regret being himself. He wouldn't ever be ashamed. Not as long as he had Kurt and their bond to believe in. Not as long as he had Kurt's love.

Thinking of Kurt brought a fresh wave of memories crashing over him: leaving the accursed darkroom...Gabriel's sarcastic comments...calling Kurt.

Suddenly Blaine was wide awake. Yes, he remembered the phone call. He closed his eyes and repeated everything Kurt had said over and over to himself. What the hell was happening to his boyfriend? He'd talked about being terrorized with text messages and that he thought whoever'd sent those messages had gotten his phone number from Blaine's phone.

Where _was _his phone, anyway?

Apparently his father had taken all of his possessions.

Dimly he remembered standing in the entry hall of their house in Newark, his brother next to him, both confused and terrified. Terrified about what? He couldn't remember exactly. He just remembered his phone being taken roughly from him and Shane's angry voice: "You can't do that to us!"

Where was Shane now?

Was he at least safe?

Had their father found out that Shane was gay too?

Blaine bit his lip and shook his head. He didn't want to think about how their father would react if he knew. Richard Anderson only had two sons. It was bad enough that his eldest – the son in whom he'd invested so many expectations – was gay...but _two_ gay sons? That could not happen. Richard Anderson would not let that happen.

Shane had to be safe. _Had_ to. All the discussions with their father, all the fights..._everything_ Blaine had done so far had been to protect his brother. If Shane had been dragged into this mess as well, Blaine's efforts would be rendered completely pointless. He'd tried to smooth the path, to help their parents see that there was nothing wrong with Blaine, with _either_ of their sons, so that Shane would feel safe to come out as well.

But now he was here. In some kind of institution. Apparently for people who were mentally unstable.

He laughed bitterly.

He'd never felt so humiliated. Not even when his father had beaten him when he came out. However, no matter how awful he felt right now, his father had not broken him. Rather, he wanted more than ever to see Kurt, to make sure that his boyfriend was okay.

His voice grew stronger as he sang.

"But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love"

There had to be a way to contact Kurt again, to speak to him, to tell him that it had been him who had tried to call him yesterday. He hated the thought that he'd scared him or even augmented Kurt's fears in some way. He just wanted to tell him that he was okay – well...as okay as he could be – and assure him that he would do everything he possibly could to to be with him again.

"Trying hard not to hear

But they talk so loud

Their piercing sounds fill my ears

Try to fill me with doubt

Yet I know that the goal

Is to keep me from falling"

Blaine curled up into a ball. He couldn't stop the shivering.

Now his teeth were chattering and his fingers were clawing into the linen.

He was cold and miserable and weak.

As he tried to distract himself with memories of Kurt, he remembered the last time he'd felt this cold.

~ o ~ o ~

He'd been following the backlights of Kurt's car to Lima the last night before Christmas break. He was going to stay at Kurt's house for the night and absolutely could not wait to get there.

Outside it was freezing cold, but he was cosy in his car, the heating full up and the music blaring. Leona Lewis was singing _Bleeding Love_ and he sang along with her.

"But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I...

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love"

It was then that he received another call from Valerie and put her on speaker.

"What's up, Val?"

"Hey Blainey! I just read your e-mail." She sounded irate. "Do you think it's a good idea to spend another night at Dalton before coming home?"

"Shane's not coming home before midday tomorrow either," Blaine replied defiantly.

"I know." He heard her sigh in frustration. "But _Shane_ will be spending the night at his dorm. _You_, however, shouldn't make your exploits quite so public."

"Oops. I guess I should stop commenting about my life so much on Facebook." Blaine laughed.

"Yes, you should," Valerie confirmed in a serious voice. "I can follow every step you make. You're lucky your father thinks Facebook's a waste of time. Otherwise he would have seen the picture of you and your boyfriend kissing in the Dalton assembly hall by now."

"Gosh, David actually posted that?" Blaine asked with another laugh.

"He did. And as you can hear, I'm not laughing. Do you have any idea how your father will react to this? He knows he can't hurt you, because you don't care anymore about the shit he gives you, but give him a target and he'll still aim at it."

This shut Blaine up. He looked straight ahead out of the windshield, his eyes on Kurt's car.

"Are you saying …?"

He didn't dare finish his sentence. His knuckles were white from his sudden tense grip on the steering wheel.

"Listen to me, Blaine Anderson. Are you _listening_?"

"Yeah, yeah, I am," Blaine replied annoyed.

"I talked to Richard about you _hypothetically_ having a boyfriend. Guess what? He freaked out. Totally! And believe me, if he finds out about your _petit ami_ he's going to get to him one way or another. The best scenario I could imagine is Richard offering your boyfriend money to keep away from you. And I suppose that, hypothetically, if I were to check him out, I'd find that his mother is dead and his father is just a simple mechanic. Guess they might need some extra cash."

"Kurt would never take dad's money," Blaine growled. "He doesn't even let _me_ pay when I ask him out for coffee."

"Whatever." Valerie snapped at him. "I'm trying to warn you here. Just keep it low. If your father finds out that you have a boyfriend he won't take it well. He'll go after him, and you know it."

"You scare me, Val."

"Good, because you're not free to be yourself. Always remember that." With another sigh her voice softened. "Until now your father let you be, because he was hoping 'the whole gay thing' was just a phase or some kind of teenage revolt on your part. But you are the son of Richard Anderson. You have a reputation to uphold and he will not _let_ you be gay. And if you fight him, he'll fight back, and he'll get you where it hurts the most. So don't be stupid."

"I won't," Blaine answered, and suddenly he felt numb.

"See you tomorrow then. Be on time! No need to bait your father's anger more than you already do."

"Right. Bye. And thanks." He hung up on her.

The numbness in his chest spread. It was a weird feeling, like something inside of him had frozen and he couldn't define exactly what.

"But nothing's greater

Than the rush that comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness

I see your face

Yet everyone around me

Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe"

Without thinking, he turned on the blinker to warn Kurt that he wanted to pull over. There was a Sunoco not far ahead.

He needed to stop. He needed the world to stop for a moment.

A second later he saw that Kurt had set his blinker, too, evidently getting Blaine's message and turning his car towards the gas station. Blaine followed, pulling in next to his boyfriend in the parking lot. Except for the bright headlights of both cars and the rushing traffic on the highway behind them the place was pitch dark, not one other living soul in sight.

Blaine immediately got out of his car, pulling up the collar of his coat to brace himself against the bitter wind. He hurried over to his boyfriend's car and the moment Kurt opened his door and got out, Blaine wrapped his arms around him and buried his head into the hollow of Kurt's shoulder.

"What's wrong, Blaine?" Kurt asked utterly confused as he returned the embrace. "Why did you want to stop? Are you ... are you crying?" Kurt wondered as Blaine trembled in his arms.

"No, I'm not crying," Blaine said, and as proof he looked up at him and forced a smile.

"Then what are you doing?" Kurt asked, the worry heavy in his voice.

"I just needed to hug you," Blaine said, hating the fact that his voice was toppling over itself. He studied Kurt's beautiful, concerned face in the dim light from his car.

Kurt returned his gaze with growing anxiety.

"Well, you've done that," Kurt said carefully and let a questioning smile appear on his lips. "What's on your mind, Blaine? You're scaring me a little here."

Blaine knew that he was acting strange. Of course Kurt sensed that something was wrong. He was arguing with himself whether or not to tell him about Valerie's call and his worries. Ultimately, he figured that it would just upset Kurt unnecessarily. No, Blaine would go home tomorrow and figure out how to deal with his father on his own.

Maybe everything wasn't as bad as Valerie made it sound.

Maybe everything would turn out alright and he wouldn't have to worry Kurt at all.

"I guess I'm just nervous..." he deflected.

"About what?" Kurt asked gently. "Staying at my house? Are you scared of my dad?"

_Your dad? No, _my_ dad is the scary one. _

Blaine sighed and Kurt took it as a yes. "Don't worry, my dad won't eat you."

Now Kurt put his warm hand on Blaine's cheek and stroked it gently with his thumb.

"Just be yourself and my parents will love you," he said with an encouraging smile and Blaine had to swallow hard to fight back tears. This was the exact opposite of what Valerie had just advised him to do with his own father.

_You're not free to be yourself._

_Just be yourself._

Be yourself? Easier said than done.

He wished he could freeze this moment and stay with Kurt like this forever.

"Let's drive on, okay?" Kurt suggested. "We'll hit home in about half an hour."

"Beautiful, what's your hurry?" Blaine tried to be charming, but his teeth were chattering and he clung to Kurt even more pathetically.

Kurt narrowed his eyes. "Blaine, you know _I_ don't mind the cold, but _you're_ shivering. And, to be honest, this isn't exactly what I'd call a romantic getaway. Well...maybe it'd be vaguely exciting if you and I were collectively Norman Bates, although we're tragically lacking in dubious motels." He looked around, disapprovingly. "But really, I can't stop thinking that a serial killer is gonna leap of the shadows and jump us and I just don't -"

Yielding to a sudden urgent need, Blaine seized Kurt's face with both hands and kissed him hard.

Usually Kurt would melt away when Blaine kissed him, but this time he tensed immediately. Still Blaine clutched the taller boy to him, pressing his lips to Kurt's like the world would shatter if he let go

Neither relaxed into the kiss. It was somehow awkward and strange, painful even, but Blaine needed Kurt to share it with him. And he did...

...However, he looked even more confused and concerned when they finally parted.

"Sorry, I interrupted you," Blaine said, his voice lowered to a murmur. "What were you gonna say?"

"I forgot," Kurt whispered back. "Blaine, what was that kiss for?" he asked, eyes wide and searching.

Blaine cracked a grin to comfort him. "Just in case...you know, I could be in a car crash today and at least I would have kissed you one last time."

It was meant as a joke, but he saw Kurt's eyes grow in horror.

"Geez, that was a joke! I won't have an accident!"

"I don't think that's very funny."

"Sorry." Blaine blew into his cold hands. "Damn, I didn't think it was _this_ cold!" Blaine said and cursed heavily under his breath.

Kurt chose not to acknowledge his language and grabbed his sleeve. "Come on, let's get in my car and talk about this."

"No, there's nothing to talk about, really. I'm fine. Let's go on. Your family is waiting."

"Are you sure?" Kurt was reluctant to let go of him.

"Yeah, of course I'm sure."

"Then drive carefully, okay?" Kurt's serious eyes bore into him.

"I will. You too, Kurt. See you soon!" Blaine leaned forward and brushed his lips over Kurt's before turning back to his own car.

Blaine hated that he'd made Kurt worry. He hated that he'd allowed himself those moments of weakness. He was determined to pull himself together by the time they got to Kurt's house. He would enjoy every possible second with Kurt and his family before he had to go and face the devil.

Blaine would never risk his boyfriend's health and happiness. He had to find a way to fix things with his father so that someday he could tell him how happy Kurt made him.

~ o ~ o ~

Blaine suppressed a bitter laugh. He would never be able to tell his father how much he loved Kurt, because his father would _never_ understand.

"And it's draining all of me

Oh they find it hard to believe

I'll be wearing these scars

For everyone to see!"

Blaine knew he would survive this.

His father couldn't lock him up forever.

"I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth"

And nothing and no one could ever kill the love he felt inside of him.

"My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I..."

And once he was out of here, he would get his revenge, one way or another.

"Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love"

Blaine heard a key being turned in a lock and a second later the door of his room opened.

Gabriel crossed the threshold, wearing that vicious grin of his.

"You know, it's pretty entertaining to walk in on you. You're always singing something. I like that better than the other things patients tend to shout at me the moment I come in."

Blaine kept his mouth shut. He hadn't figured Gabriel out just yet. Was he helping him or not? After all, Blaine had broken this guy's nose. Gabriel definitely had reason to hate him. But who'd paid him to mess with his medication?

"You'll be a good boy today, right?"

Gabriel approached Blaine's bedside slowly and vigilantly, as if he expected Blaine to attack any minute.

Blaine just snorted at this.

"Well, I'm here to help you get dressed," Gabriel announced and clapped his hands. "You've got a visitor today and you wanna look nice, don't you?"

"Who's coming to see me?" Blaine raised up on one elbow and looked at him, failing to hide his sudden excitement. "And don't give me that _wait and see_ crap!"

Gabriel chuckled. "Alright, I'll tell you this much: It's someone who's been here to see you before, but I guess you don't remember, because your state of mind was foggy each time."

Blaine furrowed his brow. He tried to remember ever having had a visitor at this place, but no, he simply couldn't remember anything since he'd gotten here – and not much of what had happened before either. But maybe – hopefully – his mysterious visitor would clear things up.

"So, we want you to be on your best behaviour when your visitor arrives. Show some improvement, will ya?"

Blaine sat up and shoved his legs over the bedside, but he swayed heavily when he stood up. "Woah!"

"Hey, not so fast. Sit back down before you collapse, Wildcat."

Blaine did as he was told and held his head with both hands to keep it from spinning.

Gabriel put a hand on Blaine's shoulder to steady him. "You OK?"

"Is it my brother?" Blaine dared asking. God, he missed his little bro so damn much and thinking about him today had made it worse. He needed to know that Shane was alright.

Another possibility struck him and he held his breath. "Or my mother?"

Gabriel sighed sympathetically. "Listen, I _can't_ tell you, okay?"

"It's not my dad, is it?" He couldn't keep the dread out of his voice.

"I will say no more."

Blaine considered the possibilities that would open to him if his father came to visit. Maybe he could somehow convince him that it was no use to keep him here. Maybe he could ask him to let him go back home – back to Dalton.

Maybe ... maybe everything would turn out just fine.

_Give him a target and he will aim at it._

Or maybe not.

~ o ~ o ~

**Songs in this chapter:**

Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love

**Next chapter: **

Kurt is on his way to Colorado Springs together with his father. Prepare for some emotional Burt + Kurt talk. 3

**Make a girl happy and review**** :)**


	13. Like father, like son

**Author's Note: **

I don't have much to say, except a heartfelt THANK YOU to Lisa for helping me with his chapter and for cracking up at the right lines... :)

And another big THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I love you, guys! You make me really happy! :D

Hey, season three's coming up in a few more days! Is anybody as excited as I am? Which is VERY excited! XD

Here we go with Burt and Kurt on the road...

~ o ~ o ~

"You're done packing?"

When Burt stepped into the kitchen, Kurt held up a hand to stop him from talking, because he was just listening to the weather forecast on the radio. A moment later Kurt dropped his hand and sighed in relief. He turned to his father. "Thank Heavens, no snow today!"

Burt did a double take and tried not to stare too obviously at his son. He'd seen him wearing a lot of eccentric outfits and he was aware that Kurt's style depended heavily on his mood, but he'd never thought he'd see Kurt dressed like this ever _again_.

Kurt wore a dark grey hoodie, Finn's red down vest, and a pair of Kurt's own baggy jeans that hadn't seen daylight for quite a while. His usually obsessively styled hair was hidden under a baseball cap and instead of his beloved Doc Martens he wore his red ankle high Converse. Kurt didn't look like himself at all and that was a bit disturbing. He looked so unexpectedly _normal_ that Burt was baffled for a moment.

He didn't know whether this outfit choice was an intentional attempt to disguise the fact that he was gay, or if it was partly due to his injuries and feeling uncomfortable in tight clothing, or if the boy just didn't care about looking good for a road trip with his dad.

Whatever the reason, Burt didn't ask and let Kurt be.

"You haven't changed your mind, have you?" Kurt eyed him carefully from under the brim of his hat. "We're still going, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course, we are. You got everything?"

"I've got everything I could think of."

Kurt turned to the cooler on the table. "I made your favourite sandwiches and two thermoses of coffee. We've got two bottles of iced tea and diet coke, some tomato juice and veggie juice for me and...a lot more. It's safe to say I've emptied the pantry of everything we had. But don't worry, I called Finn and he said he'll go grocery shopping tonight."

He pivoted on his heels and reached for a big travel bag on the floor. "And in here I've got changes of clothes for you and me, toothbrushes, your electric razor...Just about everything we'll need for a couple of days. I've checked out a few motels on the internet and there are actually some nice ones along the way."

He pointed to his messenger bag on the counter. "And I've got my notebook, battery recharger, and your GPS is already programmed with the route."

"What's this?" Burt picked a camera up from the counter and looked at it curiously.

"Oh, that's Rachel's video camera. She had Finn give it to me in case I want to make more video messages for Blaine." Kurt sighed and shook his head. "Silly, don't you think? He won't see them anyway."

"Take it with you," Burt said simply and handed it over to his son. "It's nice of Rachel to give it to you. She won't be able to make those YouTube updates every night with those loony musical numbers of hers."

"How do you know about those?" Kurt asked and a little smirk appeared at the corner of his mouth.

"I know a lot more than you think," Burt joked, but explained: "Finn showed me some of her videos. I guess it's not really my kind of music."

"Well, don't worry, we don't have to listen to Rachel Berry singing on our way." With this Kurt shoved a stack of CDs across the counter towards his father. "We'll take these with us."

Burt looked through the stack and raised his brows in surprise. "It's my Mellencamp collection."

"Yes, and a few of your favourite country CDs." Kurt took the stack and carefully fitted it into his messenger bag. "I guess we're ready to go?"

"I guess we are," Burt confirmed and went to grab his jacket. Putting it on, he saw Kurt reaching for the handles of the cooler box, trying to heave it from the counter. Immediately his father stopped him.

"Nope. No way you're carrying this, Kurt. It's way too heavy for you right now." Burt grabbed the box before Kurt could protest and carried it outside to the car and put it in the trunk. Kurt followed him with the other two bags.

Burt noticed Mr. Johnson loitering in his front lawn, watching his dog and smoking a cigarette. Burt hadn't exchanged one word with the man since their little fight. Just seeing him made him want to spit, and he clenched his fists. He didn't greet him, but Kurt, polite as always, shouted "Good morning" over the street. Burt shut the trunk with a loud bang and got into the car. Kurt fastened his seatbelt and glanced out of the passenger side window.

"What's wrong with Mr Johnson?"

"Why?" Burt asked, head instantly shooting up to look suspiciously across the street.

Kurt noticed his father's sudden tension and back-pedalled. "Nothing, it's just ... when I say hi to him he never says anything back. Sometimes I think he ignores me on purpose. Never mind. I guess he's just a grumpy old man."

"You bet." Burt laughed uncomfortably. "Come on, let's go."

First stop was at the next gas station and Kurt held out his cash card to his father.

"Keep your money, kiddo."

"No, I'll pay for the gas."

"I said keep your money."

Next stop was at the garage where Burt gave Jeremy some more instructions and told him to call him if they had any problems. "And this is Mitchell's number. He's a great mechanic and he's always out looking for work. Call him up and ask him to help you out this week."

"Will do. Don't worry about the place, boss. I'll take good care of it." Jeremy glanced over to the Navigator and blinked. "Say, is that Kurt in the car?" Jeremy looked clearly bewildered.

Burt almost laughed at his obvious confusion. Jeremy had seen Kurt in overalls working on cars, and he had seen him in his usually more fashionable outfits, but he'd definitely never seen him wearing what one would call "_normal_ teenage boy" clothing.

"Is he okay?"

Burt followed Jeremy's eyes over to his son, who had his head down to write a text on his phone. Of course, Jeremy knew that Kurt had been attacked and had already been in hospital twice this year. After all Jeremy had been the one who had to keep the shop going while Burt had been away taking care of his son. So what was the point in keeping quiet about it?

"No, he's not," Burt said with a sigh. "That's why we're doing this road trip. I think we'll be back at the end of the week. Like I said, just call me if there're any problems."

~ o ~ o ~

Father and son didn't talk much during the first few hours of the drive. Kurt would look out of the window, without really seeing anything out there. Or he would close his eyes and drift off.

"Skip this one," had been the only words Kurt had spoken so far when _Pink Houses_ was played.

It was kind of weird for Burt to listen to his own music with Kurt in the car. Usually Kurt would vehemently refuse to listen to Country, torturing his dad with showtunes or Lady Gaga or whatever else he was obsessing over at the time. Burt supposed that _allowing_ his father's music to be played was Kurt's way of pleasing him and making him comfortable with the idea of driving this far.

However, as dedicated as Burt was to his country collection, he couldn't listen to it more than a few hours in a row. Actually, he quite liked to listen to whatever Kurt was into. It gave him some insight into his son's interests, and that was anything but boring. So after three hours of low singing and guitar, fiddle and harmonica, Burt turned the music off and cleared his throat.

"You know, I don't mind if we listen to some of your music."

Kurt eyes flew open and he stifled a yawn. "No thanks," he replied, rolling his shoulders and kneading his neck.

"No, really, we can put your music on. Get your iPod out."

Kurt turned his head slightly to look at him, a sad smile on his lips. "Every song on my iPod just reminds me of Blaine. I'd rather listen to some more Mellencamp. I can turn my mind off best with this dull music of yours."

"Dull? I'll play you something dull," Burt joked to cover his sudden increase of worry. He knew exactly how is son felt. When Kurt's mother had died, Burt hadn't been able to listen to any of her favourite records. He hadn't even been able to turn on the radio, afraid that he'd hear a song that would bring back old memories.

He glanced sideways at his son with a sudden realization.

Kurt was grieving.

But Blaine wasn't dead.

Kurt shouldn't be afflicted like this. Not this badly.

"Time for lunch," Burt announced, turning into the next rest stop.

"Can't you eat while you drive?" Kurt suggested.

"Nope. I need to stretch my legs. And you can use some moving around yourself."

"Okay then."

The air was cold when they got out of the car, but refreshing. Burt turned his face towards the sun that was shining brightly down on them. They both were stiff and happy to move their legs, and Burt could tell from watching his son that Kurt's back ached from all the sitting, but Kurt didn't complain.

While Burt ate sandwiches, he watched Kurt drink a whole bottle of tomato juice with a straw like it was pop. "How can you drink that stuff?" He pointed to the bottle, clearly impressed. When he'd tried it, he'd barely been able to gag down a sip. Honestly, he didn't think it was people food.

"It's all a question of taste," Kurt said with a shrug. "I start retching when you put a bloody steak on my plate."

Burt grinned and leaned his back against the car. He tried to occupy his thoughts with something other than worry, something he could use to distract Kurt. It was then that he remembered the last time he'd been on a road trip with his son, a few summers back. He chuckled at the memory.

"Do you remember that summer when you were twelve or thirteen and we went to that Monster Truck Show in Virginia?"

"Of course I remember," Kurt replied with a roll of his eyes. "I was thirteen. You wanted to go there so badly to meet your buddies and watch those modified monsters with over sized engines, huge tires and suspensions crush small cars. And I went with you, because … well, where else could I have stayed for three days?"

Kurt adjusted his baseball hat and added with a sigh, "And I totally ruined the whole event for you."

"What?" Burt looked up in surprise. "What makes you think that?"

"Don't tell me you weren't disappointed in me back then. Because I know you were, and you never took me to any kind of truck show ever again."

"I didn't take you again because I knew you didn't like it."

"Right, and that's the point," Kurt replied as he began to pace back and forth. "I didn't enjoy it the way you thought I would, or you thought I _should_. In my opinion the whole damn thing was boring and stupid and a waste of time. What's the point of grown-up men cheering at big cars? I know it was supposed to be fun, but I didn't really get the 'fun' part. Of course you loved everything. Trucks during the day, country bands at night, the whole atmosphere. And I hated everything. The dirt, the noise, the public bathrooms, sleeping in a tent...Everything was just so...crude."

Kurt wrinkled his nose at the memory. "And you couldn't enjoy yourself, because I was sulking and complaining and making it very clear that I wanted to go home."

He took a fruit smoothie out of the cooler box in the trunk and offered it to his father, who shook his head. Kurt shrugged, opened the cap, put a straw into the bottle and drank it himself.

"It took me a while to realize that it was _your_ fun event and not mine, and I shouldn't screw it up for you. So I tried to show some enthusiasm. I tried to fit in and I even talked to some of the other boys who were all having a great time with their dads and brothers."

Kurt leaned his back against the car next to his father.

"And then I realized how disappointed you must have been, because I didn't share all that with you like all the other boys did with their dads. But I wanted you to be happy, so I tried to have fun, and when that didn't work I faked as much enthusiasm as I could muster...But I guess I did a bad job."

Burt gave him a sideways look and nudged him lightly with his elbow. "Kurt, I can't believe you thought I was disappointed in you for all that time."

"_Please_. It was the last time we did anything like that together." Kurt jabbed the straw in his smoothie. "And you wouldn't even let me help you at the garage over the summers anymore."

"Okay, now, let me tell you what _I_ remember whenever I think of that trip. Yeah, it's true, I was pretty excited for that trip, because I'd get to see some of my old buddies and, you know, monster truck rallies, that's just my thing. And I knew from the beginning you'd hate it. I offered you the chance to spend those three days at aunt Mildred's, but you said no. In fact, you insisted on coming with me, and I was happy about that. I mean, I knew that _anything_ woulda been better than staying at aunt Mildred's, but, y'know, I was happy you wanted to stick with me anyway."

Burt chuckled and opened a can of coke. "And just like I thought, you were _hatin'_ the place. My buddy Carl and I would tell you to go on and have fun, but you'd just watch the craziness around you and tell us that the people at this thing were no more than a bunch of weirdos."

Burt laughed at the memory and took a sip of his coke. "After a while you got so bored that you just wandered off by yourself and the next thing I hear? Can you remember what you did?"

Burt arched his eyebrows at his son with a big grin on his face.

Kurt crossed his arms in front of his chest and shook his head. "No."

"Come on, you tell me you don't remember?" Burt nudged him again.

Kurt just shrugged, staring at his father in utter perplexity from under the brim of his hat.

"You were fixing cars!" Burt said and let out a heartfelt laugh.

"Apparently you overheard someone complaining about their car and it was just a small problem you could handle by yourself so you offered to fix it. Word spread and before I knew what was happening, people were tellin me you were going around the place and fixing cars and people were standing in line for you. Of course, you wouldn't let em pay you, so at the end of the festival they gave you this huge stuffed car as a thank you. I still got that one in my office in the shop."

Burt smiled fondly and slowly shook his head.

"At first I was proud of you, of course. I loved the idea of you walking around and helping those people with their cars. But then Carl would say to me, _like father, like son_, and I realized that this wasn't what I wanted for you." His forehead wrinkled.

"By then you'd spent too many summers with me at the garage. You were a great help, no complaints here. And I was proud at how good you were at this. And yes, I still sometimes dream about what it'd be like if you became a mechanic and worked with me in the garage and we would run the place together. _Hummel & Son Tires and Repair_."

He ran a hand through the air to show him the imaginary sign at the shop. Kurt made a face and Burt chuckled again. He put an arm around his son's shoulders and shook him gently.

"But I don't want you to step into my shoes. You're smart, Kurt. You're so talented in so many ways. At that truck show I realized I didn't want people tellin' me how good my son was at fixing cars, because you were so much more. That's also why I wouldn't let you help at the garage over the summers anymore. You should be doing whatever _you _want to do."

Kurt smiled and they stood in silence for a while.

"And they all _were_ a bunch of weirdos," Kurt said dryly.

A second later both he and his father cracked up, laughing so hard it hurt. Kurt stumbled forward, clutching his chest in pain and trying to stifle his laughter. Burt drew him into a hug, wiping tears of laughter off his own eyes as both of them chuckled silently on.

"I was far, far from being disappointed in you, kid," Burt told him and felt an immense relief at the sound of Kurt's laughter. It had been a while since he had'd last heard it.

"You know, I was so happy that you wanted to spend time with your old man, even if it meant doing something you wouldn't be comfortable with."

"I actually liked fixing those people's cars." Kurt stepped out of the embrace and straightened his down vest. "It made me feel special. I mean, I'm sure there weren't many other thirteen-year-olds at that place that could tell the difference between an exhaust manifold and a zoomie header."

For a moment they grinned at each other.

But then Kurt's face fell and the sad look in his eyes returned.

"And I liked hearing people say _like father, like son_," Kurt went on. "It made me feel close to you."

He sighed deeply and all of a sudden his eyes were watery.

Kurt hated crying in front of his father, especially over something that he had felt _years_ ago. With everything that was going on with Blaine, however, he was so emotionally worked up that he didn't care about hiding his feelings right now. He couldn't be bothered to.

"Because I was just a stupid little kid and so afraid of ... of losing you."

Kurt shook his head and rubbed the tears from his cheeks that had dared to slip from his eyes.

"I knew that we didn't share much and I guess I just wanted you to be proud of me, even though I was so obviously different than you."

Burt reached out and put his hand firmly on Kurt's shoulder. "Kurt, look at me."

Kurt reluctantly met his father's eyes.

"It's the ways you're different than me that make me the proudest of you." Burt smiled reassuringly. "Like I said, I don't want you to step into my shoes. I want you to be yourself and surprise me day by day with the greatness you are."

Burt was glad to see the smile creep back onto Kurt's lips.

"Of course, I'm proud to tell people my son can fix the exhaust system on a car. But I'm even more proud to tell them that my son's going to be the next Broadway super star, or whatever other amazing thing you set your mind to."

Kurt chuckled and bowed his head.

"Wanna hit the road?" Burt yanked the visor of Kurt's cap down into his face affectionately.

"Dad!" Kurt complained and fixed his hair and readjusted his hat.

~ o ~ o ~

Kurt had taken a book out of his messenger bag and was now flicking through it to pass the time.

"What're you reading?" Burt asked.

"It's a poetry collection."

"Oh, wow, poetry." Burt chuckled. He'd never been one for poems. "Alright, how about you read some to me? Might be entertaining."

"You wouldn't understand them."

"Go on, try me!"

"No, I mean, it's a _F__rench_ poem collection and the last time I checked you couldn't speak French."

"French, phew!" Burt exhaled a long breath and shook his head. "I'm still amazed at how you manage to speak it fluently, really. Must be your mom's genes."

Kurt didn't answer to that and Burt cursed himself inwardly for bringing Elizabeth into the conversation again. She'd been dead for more than eight years, but it was still painful for both of them to talk about her.

"Blaine got me this book," Kurt explained after a moment. "He gave it to me a few weeks before Christmas as an early gift. It's a special edition with an exclusive binding...It was really expensive. I wouldn't have bought it myself, but apparently Reed told Blaine how much I wanted it, and he got it for me. He even signed it."

Kurt opened the first page and looked at Blaine's handwriting with an unreadable expression on his face.

_Kurt, je t'aime! _

_Always yours, Blaine_

"One day I'll go and see Paris," Kurt told his father with a dreamy voice. "Sometimes I picture myself walking down the streets of Paris, seeing the Eiffel Tower, the Sacre Coeur...and every time I do...Blaine is always with me."

He paused and his gaze strayed out the window. After a moment he turned back to his father.

"Did you love Mom so much that you couldn't picture yourself without her?"

Burt had to swallow hard at this question. Maybe Kurt couldn't remember that scary time when his mother had fallen ill, because he had been so little back then. But for a long time after Elizabeth had died, Burt had been just a shadow of himself. He had _never_ seen himself living without her and having her taken from him so brutally had torn him apart.

"I'm sorry," Kurt murmured, clearly misinterpreting his long silence.

Burt cleared his throat. "I was pretty much lost without her. But luckily I had you. And I know a part of her lives on through you. Actually, you're very much like her in so many ways."

He reached out to pat Kurt's knee. Kurt put his hand onto his father's for a moment, until he needed it back on the steering wheel.

For a while Kurt leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes, concentrating on the cold of the glass on his skin. Just when Burt thought Kurt had fallen asleep, he looked up again and rubbed his face.

"It's Blaine's eighteenth birthday in a few weeks," he said out of nowhere, letting the words dangle. It was clear that he was wondering how Blaine would spend his birthday...and whether or not they would see each other.

"A lot can happen within a couple of weeks," Burt said in an attempt to comfort him and possibly give him some hope. After all, it was possible that in a few weeks, especially on Blaine's birthday, the two of them would be reunited and all of this mess would be forgotten. Right?

"Yeah, I learned that the hard way over the past few weeks," Kurt replied with a sarcastic sting in his voice. "I can't wait to see what happens next."

~ o ~ o ~

**Songs in this chapter:**

None! Duh! Except lots of Mellencamp in the car.

**Next chapter: **

Kurt is still on the road with his dad and receives a disturbing text message...

**Reviews make Kurt get faster to ****Colorado Springs! The more you leave for me, the sooner he'll meet Shane! Just saying... ;) **


	14. Turn around

**Author's Note:**

**A very****, very sweet and heartfelt thank-you to MissScarlett21 for helping me with this chapter. Really, you're amazing! And I'm still stunned that this chapter actually made you laugh... uhm, I guess I need to check my writing skills... Oh dear... ;) Love you!**

**Another big t****hank-you to all of you who reviewed the last chapter and who put my story on alerts/favorites! I love you all and I totally love hearing from you, so please write reviews and let me know what you're thinking! :)**

**Btw, many of you have been asking if this story will have a happy ending! Uhm, no... I think Blaine's brain will explode from all the washing and Kurt will cry himself to death on Blaine's grave and Finn will get Kurt's room (it's the bigger one). **

**Just**** kidding! ;) **

**Finn's room i****s bigger. XD**

**I assure you that there will ****definitely be a Happy End and Klaine will be back together again! But until then it's a long and hard journey for both Kurt and Blaine... And you can help them through by leaving comments and reviews... ;)**

~ o ~ o ~

Driving the highways all day long was boring and tiring, and a perfect excuse for texting. So Kurt busied himself with his phone and entertained his father by telling him whatever Mercedes, Reed or Finn had to tell him. He also received occasional texts by David, Wes, Tina and Rachel, but mostly it would be his two best friends and his brother.

Around three o'clock on Monday afternoon Kurt was talking to Finn on the phone and Burt was highly amused to listen to that conversation.

Apparently Finn was standing in the middle of the store trying to get all the groceries Kurt had assigned him with. Finn was calling for help, because he had gotten completely lost between three different types of soy milk and something highly dubious called cottage cheese, and now Kurt tried to explain to him what a calorie chart was and how to read it properly.

"Dude, just tell me what I'm supposed to buy here."

"Just take the low fat one, okay?" Kurt replied, rubbing the back of his nose in exasperation. "It doesn't matter anyway, because I know that with Dad and me out of the house the two of you will enjoy each and every fast food you can get your hands on. Just try and keep it down, okay? For the sake of Carole's hips! I just got her a new pair of jeans for Christmas, I want her to still fit into it at Easter. And by all means stop calling me _dude_, Finn."

Burt smiled at this. It was good to hear that Kurt could still get upset over diet stuff and Carole's weight, apart from his current worries.

"Well, I like my woman to have a little something extra on her bones," Burt announced with a smirk, talking loudly so Finn could hear him as well. "It gives you something to hold onto, you know. No one likes a skeleton in bed."

"Did I just hear that?" Finn exclaimed aghast and Kurt groaned in shared horror, "No, I think it's better we didn't hear that, Finn."

Burt laughed at this. He loved his two boys.

It was later in the afternoon when Kurt was texting back and forth with Mercedes and Reed and had to keep switching between both conversations. Also he had to turn the ring tones off, because Burt said it drove him insane when Aretha Franklin's _R.E.S.P.E.C.T _and Lady Gaga's_ Fashion_ competed against each other with the arrival of each text message.

_Where are you now?__:) – R _

Kurt smiled at this question. He could just too well imagine his Dalton friend to sit at his desk staring at Google Maps and tracking the route Kurt was taking. Reed was still in awe that they were travelling by car.

_We're near __St. Louis. Want a souvenir?;) – K _

Of course his text was a joke. The hell would he stop anywhere for sightseeing and buying souvenirs.

_Oh, t__he Botanical Garden is beautiful, and you must see the Butterfly House! :D – R_

Kurt shook his head at Reeds answer. The boy truly was a world traveller – apparently thanks to his much-travelling mother, the famous fashionista Hilde Van Kamp. Much to Kurt's envy Reed had been to Europe already several times, even to the most romantic city there was on planet Earth, Paris.

_Why am I not surprised that you've been there already?__;) – K _

With a smile he hit the send button and watched his message being sent away. However, his smile turned into a frown at the next message he received from Mercedes.

_Just got w__ord from Finn that u give him a hard time about diet stuff. Hope u r not serious, white boy! If u haven't gained some pounds yourself by the time we meet again u r in big trouble! - M_

"Argh, 'Cedes," Kurt murmured in distress and leaned back against the headrest.

Burt gave him a sideways look. "What about her?"

"She's worried about me not eating," Kurt answered with a sigh. "Why is everyone so bothered by that? It's not like I purposely do it to harm myself; that is ridiculous. I _hate_ the state I'm in. I don't _want_ to be weak and dizzy all the time, not even being able to drive a car! I want to be strong. I just …"

He shook his head in frustration.

"I guess last week I just didn't think about it too much… what it's doing to me, you know? My head was too absorbed with Blaine, I just didn't care about myself. But I didn't mean to scare you and Carole and everyone. And I _tried_ to eat, but I just _couldn't_."

"It's okay, Kurt, as long as you drink all that healthy stuff you're supposed to drink, it's okay," Burt nodded at him in sympathy. "Don't rush yourself. And I'm sure Mercedes doesn't mean to lecture you, she's just worried. She knows you're not wanting to hurt yourself."

"_You_ didn't trust me with this either, why should she?" He didn't sound accusingly, just matter-of-factly.

"It's not about trust," his father tried to explain. "I do trust you. But worry makes you blind. If you care deeply about someone, you just come up with the most horrible conclusions in your head."

Burt sighed and tapped his fingers along the steering wheel. Considering Blaine's situation, he could well imagine that Kurt knew exactly what he was talking about…

"Everything will be okay again, Kurt. Your bones will heal and you'll be able to eat properly again." He reached out with his right hand to squeeze Kurt's knee. "You'll be able to drive your car again and you'll be able to sing again and hit that cool high note you're so proud of…"

"High F," Kurt supplied with a sad smile.

"Right, that one," Burt smiled back at him. "Just have a little patience with yourself."

Kurt nodded and turned to key an answer to his best girl.

_I will, big promise. __So stop fussing over me or else you'll be the one in trouble! – K _

A second later, his phone buzzed again and he casually checked the message.

_Turn around__!_

Kurt wrinkled his forehead in puzzlement. Was that from Mercedes or Reed? He looked at the sender and froze. It was a suppressed number.

He clicked back to the message.

_Turn aro__und!_

Reading those two words, Kurt felt his stomach drop. Hello anonymous guy, he thought with a frown while his heart started racing. Haven't heard from you for a while.

Okay, so what was this supposed to mean?

How could that guy even know that he was on the road?

Although it made him feel stupid, Kurt turned in his seat to have a look at the cars behind them. There were a lot of cars on the road with them and there was no way to figure out if the anonymous guy was among them.

"What are you looking at?" Burt asked. He didn't like to see his son rotate in his seat in inconvenient angles and hurt his rib cage or something.

"Nothing," Kurt replied and leaned back into his seat. He started nibbling on his thumb and tried to think. Okay, the guy wanted him to turn around, to give up and drive back home.

There was no way Kurt would turn around. He would go to Colorado and talk to Shane. And he wouldn't let himself be intimidated by a stupid anonymous text message.

Kurt just wondered what would happen if he refused to act on the guy's clear command.

His phone buzzed again and he startled at the sound.

With anxiety he looked at the new message.

_BTW u__ still owe me a shopping tour when u come back. U know I'm lost without u in the mall! XD – M_

He put a hand on his heart, trying to calm down. Knowing that from now on he would jump at every text message, he hastily typed a message to both Mercedes and Reed.

_Sorry, guys, __I'm tired. Let's text again tomorrow. – K _

Kurt kneaded his hands. The anonymous guy had him shaken and he couldn't stand any more buzzing of his phone today. So he busied himself going through the stack of CDs he had put into the glove box.

"How about we listen to some _Sugarland_? They're not so awfully country-like."

Burt laughed at this. "Actually, that one belongs to Carole."

"Oh my Gosh! I didn't know that!" Kurt looked at his father in shock. "Will she be mad at me for taking it?"

"Relax, kid. She won't mind."

Half an hour later Kurt had calmed down; there had been no further message from the anonymous guy. Also he had talked to Finn again, which had helped a lot to ease his mind. Finn had asked him for help on his homework assignments and while Kurt usually refused to do so, he had practically dictated the answers for a history quiz to Finn.

So just when he had managed to keep all bothering thoughts out of his head, his phone buzzed again. He took a deep breath before he opened the message.

_Did__n't I tell U 2 turn around? There's nothing for U 2 find in Colorado._

Kurt furrowed his brows and stared at the text. Okay, so the anonymous guy definitely knew he was heading to Colorado. But how the hell did he know? And how did he know _why_ Kurt was going there and what he was looking for?

Kurt ran a hand through his hair and continued biting his nails. He chose to simply ignore the messages, but that was hard to do. He wanted to know who was behind this! Who watched his every move? Who wanted him to stay away from Shane and to stop reaching out for Blaine?

Ten minutes passed with nervous nail biting, until the phone in his hand buzzed again.

Kurt hesitated and closed his eyes for a moment, willing his heartbeat to slow down, before opening the text.

_Last chance!_

Or what? Kurt stared at the message with growing fear but also increasing anger. Or what's gonna happen to me?

Kurt was wiping sweat from his forehead without being aware how tense he was by now. He was used to being threatened with violence, but this was different. This was not to his face and he didn't know who was behind this.

He glanced to his father who was oblivious to his inner turmoil and for a fleeting moment he thought guiltily that he should probably tell him about these texts. But he chose not to.

With gritted teeth he stared out of the windshield at the road ahead, his phone clutched in both hands in his lap. He would NOT drive back.

What could the anonymous guy do to him anyway?

As if the anonymous sender could read his mind, the next text message arrived and Kurt opened it.

_Boom!_

"Oh my God!" Kurt let out a scream and sent his phone flying. It banged against the windshield and fell on the floor.

"Stop the car, Dad! Stop the car! Dad, stop it!"

Burt looked at his son in complete confusion. Kurt's outcry had made him lose grip on the wheel for a second and they had almost hit the van that was driving to their left.

"Holy shit, Kurt! Stop freaking out! What's wrong?"

"Just stop the car!"

"We're on the highway, I can't just stop as I please." Burt looked at Kurt's horror-stricken face. "Boy, you scare me! What is going on?"

"There's a rest stop ahead," Kurt pointed frantically to the sign. "Get us there!"

Kurt's heart was racing and he clutched desperately on the dashboard. So far nothing had exploded. Maybe they could make it to the rest stop.

"Drive faster, okay?"

Burt did as he was asked and turned to the highway rest stop. It was a big place with a gas station, a car repair shop, two restaurants, a motel and even an amusement arcade.

"Don't park near all those people," Kurt ordered. "Stop back there, where there's no one!"

The moment Burt stopped at the far end of the visitor parking lot, Kurt burst his door open and bolted out, shouting, "Get out of the car, Dad! Get out!"

He ran a distance and his father followed him, trying to catch up with him. "Stop, Kurt, wait! Now, tell me what's going on!"

"Okay, okay, but don't freak out!" Kurt turned his eyes on his father and tried to catch his breath. "There's a bomb in our car."

"What?" Burt gripped his son's shoulders and looked at him as if he was going nuts. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm so sorry, I should have told you right away. I didn't think … God, how could I know he's serious?" Kurt spoke fast and flailed his arms wildly, clearly being at the edge of getting hysterical.

Burt put one hand at his son's neck, the other one cupping his cheek, trying to make him focus on him. "Look at me, Kurt. Breathe. Now, take a breath. Okay?"

Kurt nodded at him and inhaled, not allowing the panic to get hold of him.

"Now tell me exactly what's going on."

"It's the anonymous guy again." With shaking hands Kurt gave his phone to his father. "Somehow he knows we're on our way to Shane and he wants me to turn back. I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner. I should have told you the instant I got the first message."

Burt flicked through the text messages and frowned. "Are there just those four?"

"Yes." Kurt nodded and hugged himself to keep his body from shaking.

Burt turned back to look at their car which stood with doors wide open aside from the regular visitor's parking lot.

Kurt knew his father would blow the trip off and return to Lima. Better not take a risk and playing with the insanity of a stranger. "It's okay, Dad," Kurt said resigned. "Let's drive back home. I don't want to find out what this guy's capable of."

Burt turned to him and lifted an eyebrow. "Kurt, I've told you before and I'm telling you now. No one pushes the Hummels around, especially not a coward who sends anonymous texts."

Kurt blinked in obvious irritation. "But what if…?"

"... there's a bomb in our car? I don't think so, Kurt. Tell me, what happened after the last text you got? What did it say?"

"It said _die fag_," Kurt repeated hesitantly.

"And then? Did something happen?"

"No," Kurt answered slowly. "I haven't heard anything until now. That is, I don't know if that strange call from Blaine is somehow connected to this guy."

"It looks like someone just wants to scare you. I'm pretty sure there's no bomb in our car. Neither is a GPS device to track our route."

"You don't know that! What if there's something? How come this guy knows where we're going?"

"Okay then," Burt said, running a hand over his head, then putting his hat back on. "How about this: I check the car and..."

Kurt shook his head in plain horror. "No, don't! What if the bomb...!"

"Kurt, I'm telling you, there is no such thing in our car, and don't talk so loud about it or people will call the police. Okay, if you don't want me to do it, then we let the car shop over there check our car. We ask them to look for a GPS device someone could have pinned on us. Alright?"

Kurt nodded at this, but Burt could see that he was obviously shaken by those damn texts.

"Excuse me, mister, but... is everything okay over here?" A man approached them, clearly regarding the two of them with suspicion. Apparently his wife who stood next to a caravan and watched with clear worry had made him come over.

Burt turned to the man and told him they were fine. He figured that there was no need to drag people into this. However, when the man stayed put and eyed Kurt, Burt suppressed a sigh. Now he became painfully aware of how this scene must look to everyone watching.

The left side of Kurt's face was still recovering from the violent bruises which had turned an ugly shape of orange-yellow by now, and his frightful face and the way he had escaped from the car screamed to be mistaken by everyone who saw.

"Are you sure?" The man asked and his question was now addressed at Kurt. The boy understood as well how his strange behavior must have troubled the people around them.

"Everything's fine, thank you," Kurt replied and even managed a thin smile. "I was just having an allergic attack and my father helped me getting through it."

"Allergic attack, huh?" The man asked, apparently not content with that answer. "Allergic to what?"

Kurt's expression changed from friendly to annoyed within nanoseconds. "Mostly to people who stick their noses into other people's business." Kurt cocked his head to give him his best bitch stare.

The man just nodded at this and retreated without another word. Despite the grim circumstances, Burt couldn't help but laugh. "Kurt, you're unbelieveable."

"No, people are," Kurt muttered and together they went back to their car, trying not to raise any more attention to themselves.

They had the car checked and while waiting for it they ate an early dinner at one of the restaurants. Burt had a proper meal, but Kurt just had a milkshake, wanting to drink more of his protein shakes later in the car.

Both were relieved when the car shop assistant told them two hours later that their car was absolutely fine and after checking every possible hiding place they could think of, there was no GPS device. Burt looked at his son with arched brows. Clearly, neither was a bomb.

They got back on the road and didn't talk about the incident anymore. Kurt was in a bad mood, because they had lost so much time due to this mess as well as a rude amount of money for having their car checked, which Kurt insisted on paying.

It was past midnight when they finally headed towards a motel. Both of them were tired and happy to leave the car. "I'll go in and get a room for us. Wanna come along?"

"No, I'll stay by the car," Kurt said and leaned against the passenger's door. "We don't need any more people to see me and think you beat me up."

The room had two beds, a little TV, a table with two chairs and a small bathroom next door. It was nothing fancy, and definitely nothing Kurt would usually consider putting one foot in. But he wasn't choosey tonight.

"You wanna use the shower first?"

"No, go ahead." Kurt sat down on one of the two beds.

"Alright then." Without asking Burt took Kurt's phone with him. He saw Kurt's eyes follow his hand holding the phone, but the boy didn't say anything about it. Since the incident at the rest stop Burt had kept the phone in his possession. Simple as that.

Kurt didn't complain about it - actually he looked relieved. Apparently his phone was no longer a dear connection to his friends; instead it had become a threat, a time bomb, and he was happy to get rid of it as well as of the responsibility and fear that came along with it.

Burt closed the bathroom door, but didn't lock it up. He put his phone as well as Kurt's onto the little shelf beneath the mirror and found himself staring at it and wondering who the hell was writing those texts to scare Kurt. At a loss for an answer he undressed and stepped into the shower cubicle. While he was soaping up, he heard a buzz.

No doubt, it was Kurt's phone. Instantly Burt felt himself tense up.

It could be a text message by Finn or whoever else was up this late with the need to text his son. But Burt washed up faster than usual and stepped out of the shower. He put a towel around his waist and waddled over to grab the phone, wondering how on earth Kurt could stand this horror, the panic, the fear that came along with another text?

Well, he couldn't. That was why Kurt was as worked up as he was.

Burt looked at the phone and his heart quickened when he saw that it was a text by the anonymous guy again.

"You're texting a lot today, buddy," Burt murmured grimly under his breath. This guy was becoming bolder and too sure of himself. Good, because it meant he would make mistakes sooner or later.

_U__ beg 4 another beat-up, fag? Just go ahead. U lose._

Reading those words, Burt gasped when he suddenly realized something. It was the same person!

The guy who had attacked Kurt was the same one who wrote those damn texts! Finn had told him about his suspicion when he had seen that the first text Kurt had received matched with what had been written on their door on New Year's Eve.

"You son of a ..." Burt muttered and glared down at the text.

There was a soft knock at the door.

Burt cleared his throat and tried to get the horror off his face. "Come in!"

Kurt peeked inside, leaning in the door, with tired and timid eyes.

"Was that my phone?"

Of course, he had heard the buzzing sound in the next room. The walls were thin as paper.

Burt hesitated for a heartbeat before he lied, "No, it was mine. Carole's asking for a midnight chat."

His son merely looked at him and Burt knew that Kurt knew he was lying.

"Ask her if Finn's still up, too. I could talk to him then."

"Yeah, sure." Burt nodded at him and Kurt retreated back to the next room.

Burt stared one more time at the threatening text before he deleted it.

Kurt didn't need to read those words.

And he could just too well imagine the indifferent shrug the police officer back in Lima would give him if he showed the text to him.

No, he would take it into his own hands to protect Kurt.

~ o ~ o ~

**Songs in this chapter: **

Uhm... apart from some annoying ring tones and Carole's _Sugarland_ CD... no, nothing.

**Next chapter: **

Blaine meets his mysterious visitor and remembers something important...

**Reviews? :)**


	15. Klaine

**Author's Note:**

**Hiya all of you! :)**

**Thank you so much ****to all of you for sticking with me and helping me getting Kurt and Blaine back together, although it's still a tough and long way to go. **

**Thank you also to Poland1228 for ****kindly offering to kill off all of my OCs. However, I'm afraid I have to turn your offer down, honey, because if all of them were gone, yeah, Kurt and Blaine might live happily ever after, but I'd have no story to tell. :P**

**Therefore**** Mr Johnson, Richard Anderson, Anonymous Guy and everybody else stays safe and sound so far! I guess it's also more fun to have Burt and Kurt and Blaine to take care of those a-holes themselves. ;) But I'm always open for prompts how to finish them off, so let your ideas come my way! :D**

**A hu****ge THANK YOU goes to the fabulous MissScarlett21 who totally stayed up all night to look over this chapter, so that I'm able to update today! Thank you, sweetcake, you're awesome and I totally jump in joy whenever I read your skin-deep comments! Sometimes I feel like you're much more into the story than I am! ;) At least it's your fault that I decided to develop Gabriel more, so yeah, he's all yours now, if you want him or not! ;)**

**Also, you're apparently not the only one who thought it was so funny how Kurt freaked out on the road about a non-existing bomb, haha! I'm always glad when I can make you guys laugh, even if the story is all serious. Please tell me whatever made you smile or laugh, I love to hear about stuff like that! XD**

**Okay, okay, I know you'****re all waiting for Blaine's mysterious visitor. ****I hope you're not disappointed. Blaine certainly is... well, here we go...**

~ o ~ o ~

Not knowing who would come to see him was plain torture.

Blaine didn't even know if he should be happily excited - which he would be if his brother came to see him - or anxiously excited, in case his father would show up.

He sat on a stool in front of the mirror in the connecting bathroom to his room, eyes closed and head tilted back, while Gabriel leaned over him and helped him shave the stubble in his face. His own hands were so shaky that Blaine couldn't do it himself. Also he wasn't allowed to get his hands on an electrical shaver. He wasn't allowed to put gel into his hair, either, because he might eat the gel and poison himself with it or something.

Gabriel would bring him food and give him only a plastic fork or spoon and watch him swallow every bite - like he might intentionally choke on a bean.

Gabriel had also explained to him that his bed didn't have sheets, so he couldn't make himself a rope out of the fabric and strangle himself.

All of this made Blaine aware that everybody thought he was suicidal. Yeah, as if he would stab himself with the next best knife he could get a grip on.

Blaine let out a short laugh.

"What's so funny, Wildcat?" Gabriel asked over the buzzing sound of the shaver.

"All of these precautionary measures are ridiculous. I'm not gonna harm myself."

"Well, you have tried before, so this is just making sure you won't harm yourself again."

"Actually, I can't really _remember_ that part."

"You swallowed a handful of pills. Sounds to me like you wanted to finish yourself off."

Blaine stayed silent. He still couldn't remember what happened that night. It was weird having people telling you that you had tried to commit suicide and you couldn't remember it. Right now his survival instinct was very strong, so it didn't make sense that he had wanted to kill himself. But still he couldn't eliminate the possibility that he had had a very weak moment.

It wouldn't have been the first time that he had thought about suicide. A few years back when he had just come out to his father by accident and everything went down the road, he used to think at lot about simply taking the easy way out. But he had never really considered actually going through with it. He would _never_ have left his brother alone, and now that he had Kurt, there was another reason for him to stay alive.

Gabriel finished shaving and when Blaine looked up into the mirror, he found himself looking like a human being again.

"And, you know, you're quite good-looking. It would be a waste to have you dead."

Blaine raised his eyebrows at this. Gabriel was always making fun of him. So he couldn't tell if this was a real compliment for a change or just another way of mocking him.

His anxiety grew, so he decided to chat with Gabriel for distraction.

"Tell me about my first day here."

"What do you want to know?" Gabriel finished cleaning the shaver and turned to tame Blaine's curly head with a comb.

"Like, who brought me in?"

He wondered if his father had at least been decent enough to accompany his son to this institution.

"Some blonde girl and a big squared guy with short blonde hair."

Valerie and Devon. Blaine made a face. It figured that his father would send his newest employees.

"Why am I not surprised that it hadn't been my father himself? Has he been here at all?"

"No, not that I know," Gabriel replied, and added after a short moment of hesitation, "But he calls."

This had Blaine look up. "He calls? _Ouch_!" Blaine made a face when Gabriel tried to get a knot out of his hair.

"Yes, like, every day."

"To make sure I'm being properly tortured?" Blaine laughed bitterly, staring at Gabriel's and his own reflections.

Gabriel didn't reply at once, but studied him severely in the mirror.

"Your father is checking on you every day since you got here. Making sure you're alright."

Blaine narrowed his eyes in disbelief. "Alright? I wanna know his definition of being _alright_." Heat and anger shot through him and he clenched his fists. He looked up at Gabriel in the mirror again.

"Do you talk to him?"

"I'm the only one who talks to _you_, so yeah, he would want to speak with me," Gabriel shrugged. "I think your suicide attempt really got him bad."

"I bet." Blaine let out a sarcastic snort. "Tell him I want to talk to him."

"Can't. He told me not to tell you that I was in contact with him."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "So what's gonna happen to me?"

"Well, I suggest shaving your curls off. This head of yours is a mess," Gabriel said nonchalantly while eagerly trying to tame Blaine's hair. "Also I don't remember _barber_ being part of my job description. I don't know why I'm doing this."

"No, I mean, like, what's my _therapy_?" Blaine explained. "So far I haven't seen a doctor or anyone else other than you."

"You've been very lucky so far, believe me," Gabriel said with a sigh and added, "And don't worry, I wouldn't shave your head. In fact I'd shoot anyone who'd try to cut these gorgeous curls."

Blaine snorted. "You call the way I was treated so far _lucky_?"

"Okay, I admit being drugged in association with the darkroom experience is pretty scary, and the way they messed with your memory so you wouldn't remember stuff from your past? Don't ask me how they do it, but they're very good at it. But they haven't gone all serious with you. Yet."

"Losing my memory is a pretty serious deal to me!" Blaine burst out.

"Yeah, granted, they have drugged you and messed with your brain big time. But let me tell you a secret." Gabriel leaned down until his mouth was only inches from Blaine's left ear and lowered his voice. "It's not permanent. They just want you to think that, but it'll all come back to you eventually."

Their eyes met in the mirror.

Blaine slit his eyes. "Are you allowed to tell me stuff like that? Can't they listen in?"

Gabriel grinned and resumed working on Blaine's hair. "Your room isn't wired. They just want you to think it is, so you would feel paranoid. However, nobody's really interested in hearing you scream for help or cursing the world or – in your case – singing love songs into the silence."

"I hate all these psych games." Blaine huffed. "And if you think that my situation's not already bad enough, I don't want to know what's worse."

"You have _no idea_ what this place is capable of," Gabriel turned serious and his eyes glowered down at Blaine in the reflection.

"Ever hear of brainwashing people into hating themselves? That's the kind of shit going on behind these walls. You think the first weeks have been harsh on you? They could do a whole lot more to you, but your daddy didn't want that. Not yet."

Blaine was surprised by the sudden intensity of Gabriel's voice and a chill went down his spine.

"So far, apparently your dad's intention is to torture you with boredom. I suppose he just wants you to think about your situation and show you what he is capable of doing to you. He could keep you in here for a long, _long_ time. And believe me, just one snap of his fingers and your life in here can become much more miserable. So far you've been spared."

Blaine thought about this for a moment.

"So basically I'm just grounded?"

"I don't think your father wants to change you," Gabriel said and received another huff from Blaine which he ignored.

"He's a smart man. He knows that being gay is nothing you can change with medication or therapy. Don't get me wrong. In this facility they can _break_ you. But I'm pretty sure your father doesn't want damaged goods. He wants you to see the options and then change _yourself_."

"So, my options are either pretend to be someone I'm not for the rest of my life, or refuse to do so and let my father have them break me."

Gabriel tilted his head to signal confirmation.

"How about option number three?" Blaine continued. "Which contains my father accepting the way I am and letting me live my life happily ever after?"

"You wish." Gabriel's said with a wistful edge in his voice.

They stayed silent for a while and Blaine let his mind wander and closed his eyes. He allowed himself to enjoy the sensation of being caressed by Gabriel's hands – he just loved going to the barber and getting a head massage – until he got aware of something...

There was something about the way Gabriel's fingers combed through his hair that made Blaine look up. Their eyes met in the mirror again, but this time Gabriel dropped his gaze as well as his hands.

His personal attendant stepped back. "I guess you're presentable."

Blaine watched him for a moment longer. Usually his gaydar was very reliable. With Gabriel however he wasn't sure.

The clothes Gabriel gave him looked like a pair of pajamas. Veeery trendy. The shirt was a blue color and way too big for him. He pulled up the sleeves and reached for the bottoms. The white linen trousers were also too baggy for his liking. There were no buttons or belt, so he couldn't harm himself with those.

Blaine looked down at himself and then up at Gabriel in disbelief. "Seriously? I look like a freaking smurf!"

He liked the soft slippers, though, they were comfy.

"Time to go. You don't want to keep your visitor waiting, do you?"

Gabriel opened the door and motioned him to follow. Blaine went after him, kneading his hands and looking around the hallway nervously. His first thought was running. He had to restrain himself not to get a headstart, hit the elevator and push the first floor button to try his luck in the entrance hall. He didn't remember the place nor the surrounding area, and he had a strong feeling that escape wouldn't be as easy as simply walking out the front door.

~ o ~ o ~

"This way," Gabriel guided him along the hallways without touching him. Blaine was grateful for not being dragged along for a change. However, his anxiety grew with every step.

He longed to throw himself into his brother's arms to receive comfort and to give a whole lot of it to Shane himself, because he could only imagine how much his little bro suffered with the situation.

He needed to see his mother and plead for her to be strong and help him get out of this mess.

He wanted to stand up to his father and tell him that he would NEVER change who he was just to please him.

Turning around a corner they got to a waiting area with a comfortable looking lounge. There was only one person sitting on the white leather couch facing the glass door.

Of course, he recognized her at once, although it had been a while since he had last seen her wearing blue jeans and sneakers. Her hair was tucked up into a ponytail and her head was bowed as she flicked through a magazine.

He was glad to see her, but at the same time he felt disappointed. She was not whom he had hoped to see. Although they had been friends for many years, there was no doubt that she only came on behalf of his father.

Gabriel opened the glass door and held it for him. When he noticed Blaine's hesitation, he motioned Blaine to step inside with a nod.

Blaine forced a smile as he approached the young woman. She looked up and instantly her green eyes lit up. She tossed the magazine aside and stood up to meet him.

"Blainey!"

"Valerie!" Blaine hugged her with tears welling in his eyes. All of a sudden he was overwhelmed with emotion. She was his only chance to get information on his beloved ones, she was his only chance to reach out to Shane... and Kurt.

"How are you, sweetie?"

She held him at arm's length to study him, her voice was thick with concern.

He just shrugged, still struggling to swallow the urge to cry.

"I have been here before a couple of times, but this is the first time you would recognize me." She smiled at him warmly and stroked one hand across his cheek.

"Let's find a nice place to chat, okay?"

Valerie took hold of Blaine's hand and walked him to the elevators. Gabriel would acompany them silently and Blaine had the feeling that the two of them knew each other. If she'd been here already several times before, she would of course have talked to Gabriel.

Wait! Blaine eyed his longtime friend and wondered if she'd been the one to pay Gabriel to mess with his medication. Maybe it had pained her to see him drugged and mindless every time she would visit? A new found affection for the blonde woman overwhelmed him. Although she worked for his father now, she still was his friend.

The elevator door opened and Blaine drew a breath. He hadn't expected to see the sky.

"Come on, let's take a walk on the roof," Valerie linked arms with Blaine and lowered her voice as they stepped out onto the roof terrace. "You're aware that your room is wired? So be careful what you're saying in there."

He wanted to tell her that Gabriel had assured him that his room wasn't wired, but he held his tongue. He didn't want her to know that the orderly told him stuff like that, in case she would tell his father.

Also he couldn't be sure if Gabriel had lied to him.

Maybe Gabriel had gotten instructions from his father to make him believe that he was safe to talk in his room. Was this a conspiracy to make him spill out his secret thoughts?

Valerie was his father's personal assistant. She would know if he listened in to Blaine's room, would she? Why would she tell him his room was wired, when it wasn't?

She had no reason to lie to him about this? Had she?

So Gabriel was the liar. Was he?

Blaine got a headache. He had always had trust issues.

"I know what you're thinking," Valerie said and Blaine blinked at her in irritation. They had walked past a line of potted palm trees while Gabriel stayed behind at the door. Valerie had led him to a bench facing the skyline of Los Angeles. The sight was quite breathtaking, but Blaine couldn't enjoy it.

"But you can't run away from here. There's no escape from this building." She looked him straight into the eyes to make sure her message got through to him.

"No one gets in or out without going through the security check. I had to leave my phone and stuff behind. I'm glad I was allowed to take your stuff with me." They sat down on the bench and Valerie put her purse next to her. Then she took hold of his hand again.

"I'm your only chance of escaping this place, Blaine. And I _promise_ you I will keep on talking to Richard and try to convince him to let you go as soon as possible."

"Please, you need to tell me what happened, Val," Blaine pleaded. "Where's Shane? Is he okay? And why doesn't he come to see me?"

"One step at a time, boy," Valerie hushed him. "Are you saying you don't remember anything from what happened to you that night?"

Blaine shook his head. "No, I don't have a clue. Please, what happened?"

She bit her lips and patted his hand. "Maybe it's for the best that you don't remember..."

"NO! Tell me, Valerie, I feel so... so lost. I need to know what happened."

"Well, let's start on your first question, shall we? Shane's alright, if that's any comfort to you."

Blaine closed his eyes and sent a silent Thank You to whoever was listening up in heaven.

"He's a little shaken, of course," Valerie continued. "But he's back at school and keeping his head down as not to displease your father. I heard he has left the dancing club, which Richard had hated so much and joined the hockey team instead."

Hockey? Blaine made a face. He knew that Shane's school didn't support a football team, so the hockey team was the in-crowd of his school. Shane used to stay as far away from those guys as possible.

"Richard has forbidden him to visit you, so don't wait for him."

Blaine sighed at this. It was just so much like his father to keep them apart. That was also the reason why they were at different schools. His father didn't want Shane to be around Blaine's 'bad influence' too much.

"How's Mom? What does she say about all this?" Blaine tried not to put too much hope into his voice. His mother had always been overpowered by his father. She would never get in his father's way when he had set his mind to something.

"You know her," Valerie answered with a sympathetic sigh. "She's weak. The one time she's shown some strength was when she has left your father."

"Why won't she help me?" Blaine cried out, not willing to just accept his mother's weakness. "Please, can't you at least ask her to help me? She must have a word in this. She's my parent, too. She can't let Dad do this to me!"

Valerie shook her head slowly. "You can't expect that much from her. She won't fight Richard for this... for you."

Blaine tried to ignore the sting in his heart and took a deep breath to keep himself from actually crying. "Have you talked to her?"

"Yes, I have talked to her when you were in hospital right after... after Christmas. Since then I haven't heard anything from her."

"She still lives in L. A. with her boyfriend, right?"

"Yes."

Blaine nodded at this and spared himself the question why his mother wouldn't come to see him when she practically lived around the corner.

They remained silent for a moment and Blaine looked up into the sky and concentrated on the feeling of the warm sun on his face and the harsh wind tugging at his clothes. He could smell the ocean from here. He was sure he would see it, when he got closer to the railing. He noticed that the roof top was framed with a high railing, so any suicidal patient couldn't take a jump.

"Tell me what happened when I got home for Christmas, Val."

"I'd rather not." She turned her eyes to him. "I think it's quite fortunate that you don't remember. It gives you the chance to make a new start. See, that's what Richard and I agree upon. We think a clean break is the best for you."

Blaine looked at her with the most incredible expression on his face. "What are you talking about? A clean break from what?"

"Don't worry, you'll be fine, Blaine," Valerie assured him with a smile. "You'll finish your senior year here in L. A. by being home-schooled. We have found an excellent tutor for you. And then you'll go to college to study law. Everything has already been arranged for you. And I'll be living next door to watch out for you."

Blaine couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew she meant to help him, but her words gave him the creeps. He shook his head vehemently.

"I'm not leaving Dalton. There's _no way_ I'm leaving Dalton!"

Valerie sighed and looked at him with sympathy. "I'm sorry that I'm the one to tell you this, but your departure from Dalton is already official. You won't return to Dalton."

Blaine got to his feet and threw his arms in the air. "NO! No way! You can tell Dad that I'm NOT leaving Dalton! It's my _home_! How can he take that away from me? It's the only place where I feel safe and have friends and ... please, Valerie! I _need_ to go back to Dalton!"

Valerie eyed him with a pitiful smile on her lips. "I can only imagine how hurt and betrayed you must feel and I'm so sorry all this is happening to you, Blainey. If I could have stopped your father somehow… you know I would have."

Blaine hugged himself and started pacing. No, no, no, this couldn't be. He felt like the ground had been drawn from underneath his feet and he was falling... and his whole world was falling apart.

Since he had woken up in this prison, he had longed to finally get back home, get back to Dalton. Now Valerie told him that he would never return to the place that he loved so much. He bit his lips to keep himself from crying.

"But try to see the opportunities you have here," Valerie went on. "No one knows you in L. A. You can start a whole new life. You can be a whole new person. Not many people get the chance of a new beginning, Blaine. You have the chance to leave everything and everyone behind."

"But I don't _want_ to leave everyone behind!" Blaine shouted at her. "I don't want to be a new person! That's what Dad wants!"

She flinched at his outburst, but remained composed. Blaine wiped at his damp eyes. He hated this feeling of helplessness, to have his world turned upside down and not being able to fight against it.

His eyes strayed over Valerie's shoulder, back to the rooftop door where Gabriel was still standing, watching them indifferently. He wondered briefly how often a day the guy got to watch a person falling apart.

"Let's see if the stuff I brought you can cheer you up a little," Valerie said in a cheerful voice and grabbed for her purse. "Richard wanted to throw everything you owned in Dalton away, but I saved some of it for you."

"What do you mean my stuff from Dalton? And how dare he throw my stuff away?" Blaine demanded angrily.

"Baby, we have already cleared your room in the dormitory," she explained with an aplogetic grimace. "Your dad wanted to dispose of all of your belongings, so that nothing would remind you of your past. But I've gone through your stuff and kept a few things."

She opened her purse and took a leather bound black notebook out.

Blaine couldn't help but to let out a sob at the sight of it. He wrote all his song ideas into this book and there'd been quite a big collection already. It was very, _very_ precious to him. Not only did this book contain his own songs, but also his most private thoughts and feelings over the past few years...

If his father had thrown this notebook away, Blaine would've been devastated.

He sat back down and took the book into his hands, he caressed the cover lovingly and flicked through it to see if the pages were still complete and nothing had been torn out.

"Thank you, Val. You have no idea how much this means to me." He hugged the book to his chest and blinked tears from his eyes.

Wordlessly, but with a knowing smile Valerie held the next item out to him and Blaine couldn't help but laugh.

It was his pink sunglasses.

"I believe Shane has the same pair?"

Blaine nodded and rotated the sunglasses in his hands. "Yeah, he got them for us," he said and for a moment he lost himself into the memory involving his brother and the pink sunglasses...

~ o ~ o ~

Shortly after Blaine had transferred to Dalton and long before he had met Kurt, his brother had kidnapped him for a trip to L. A. over the weekend. They had enjoyed staying at the Anderson holiday residence at Venice Beach all by themselves.

They had spent all day long at the beach, just the two of them - sauntering along the promenade, going shopping and eating lots of ice cream.

"Hey, look here what I found!"

Blaine looked over the racks at his brother and saw him holding up a pair of sunglasses with a pink frame. Blaine furrowed his brow.

"You're not serious, Shane."

"Hell yeah, I'm serious. They're cool!"

"They're…gay," Blaine said with a frown. It was still a time when he associated anything gay with possible danger. And wearing anything with pink color would be like an open invitation for any homophobic jerk to beat them up.

"So what? So are we. And they're like, Cool Gay!" Shane put them on and gave him a thumbs-up along with his goofiest grin. Blaine laughed. There hadn't been much to laugh about the past few weeks and months. Or ever.

Shane took two shades off the rack and paid for them. When they left the shop he gave Blaine his pair. "Say thanks and put 'em on!"

Blaine took the sunglasses and pocketed them. "Thanks and put 'em on."

"No, really, put them on, Blaine! Please? Pretty pleeeease?" Shane clasped his hands and almost went down on his knees in front of Blaine. "I'll love you forever if you do!"

Blaine lifted a brow. "Is that a threat?"

"No, it's a promise."

Blaine knew that his brother felt guilty. Yeah, he felt guilty about something he shouldn't feel guilty about in a perfect world. But they weren't living in a perfect world and never would.

With a wistful smile on his lips he put the pink sunglasses on and held his hand up for a high-five.

"Awesome!" Shane laughed this contagious laugh of his and took Blaine's hand as if they were a couple. And nobody cared.

If they got looks from bypassers, they were looks of appreciation and words like "aww, look at them, they're adorable."

Nobody abused them, called them names or threatened to beat them up.

And Blaine felt like there might be some precious few places in this world that were close to perfect.

~ o ~ o ~

Yeah, he'd fallen in love with the open-minded people of Venice Beach back then and wished he could live here forever. Now Valerie told him that he would live in Venice Beach for the next few years at least, but he would have to pretend to be someone he wasn't.

He'd rather return to Ohio and its narrow-minded people, but being openly gay.

"I brought one more thing." Valerie rummaged in her purse until she found what she was looking for.

She held her hand out to Blaine and he saw a small golden bracelet lying in her palm.

His heart skipped a beat.

He had forgotten all about it.

Two weeks before Christmas he had been at Tiffany's and asked them to make two identical bracelets, one for Kurt and one for himself. He had kept his own in his wallet and wanted to wear it the next time he would meet Kurt after the Christmas break. By then Kurt would have gotten his bracelet and would be so surprised to see that Blaine wore the same.

And anybody would see that they belonged together.

"I found it in your wallet," Valerie explained. "I thought you might want me to return it to wherever you bought it and claim your money back."

Blaine looked up sharp. "NO! Why would I want that?"

He grabbed the bracelet out of her hand and fingered it lovingly.

"If you haven't noticed, they spelled your name wrong. Look, it says _Klaine_. How stupid can people be? Or was your handwriting that bad when you ordered this engraving? I didn't know you were that vain, by the way, wearing jewelry with your own name."

Blaine touched the little golden plate saying _Klaine_. It was no misspelling, but he wouldn't tell her.

"No, it's perfect," Blaine assured her and closed his hand around it.

She looked at him as if he was nuts, but didn't say so.

"Thanks, Val, for saving my things."

"You're welcome. Well, I know how hard it is to leave your friends behind. Is there anything I can do for you to make you feel better?"

Blaine hesitated. He had been secretive about his boyfriend in here and his intuition told him not to mention Kurt's name by any means. But this was Valerie. He needed to trust her.

"Have you... have you heard anything from Kurt?"

"Kurt? You mean the boy at Dalton you liked?"

Blaine nodded eagerly.

"Sorry, I haven't heard anything." Valerie leaned forward and propped her elbows on her knees. "Do you want me to find out about him?"

"Yes, please," he urged and knew he looked desperate, but he couldn't hide it. "I need to know if he's alright."

Valerie grimaced. "You know, you need to get this boy out of your head, Blainey. I understand you haven't been together with him for quite that long, right? I would guess you hardly knew each other, so it shouldn't be too hard for you to let him go."

"Never!" Blaine shook his head. "I love him and that'll never change."

She sighed and put her cheek in one hand. "Oh dear, High school love is so sweet. I know you think you're in love with this boy, but you can't ever be with him again. So for your own sanity you should simply forget about him."

Blaine answered without any hesitation. "I'd rather die than forget him."

Valerie narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you aware of what you're saying?"

Blaine looked at her and a déjà vu hit him like a bus. These words had been spoken before...

_I'd rather die than __let you hurt him!_

_Are you aware of what you're saying?_

He saw himself standing in his bathroom in Newark, staring down at a handful of pills in his palm.

A chill went down his spine at the sudden intense memory.

He remembered the feeling of these pills in his mouth, heavy on his tongue, scratchy on the back of his throat, he remembered how he fought to get them down and how much water he drank to down them, thinking, _Get 'em down, just get 'em down and everything'll be okay..._

He didn't know how many he'd taken, he didn't count them, but he knew it had been quite a handful.

Blaine couldn't believe it, but his body _remembered_, he _had_ taken those damn pills.

Just thinking about it caused a scratch in his throat and he coughed, putting a hand over his mouth to fight down the sudden fear that was overwhelming him.

It was true. He had tried to commit suicide.

"I'm on your side; you know that, don't you?" Valerie said, oblivious to Blaine's inner turmoil. "I'll do everything I can to help you. But you must accept my advice."

Blaine was hardly hearing what Valerie was saying to him anymore.

Goose bumps prickled his skin as he was still trying to make sense of his striking memory. But still there was something wrong. Something didn't fit. He knew he was missing an important piece to fill the puzzle in his head.

"Gotta go." Valerie kissed his cheek and got up. "I'll try and come to see you again as soon as I can. Enjoy the sight a little longer, baby. Gabriel will walk you back to your room whenever you're ready."

She started to walk towards the rooftop exit.

"Wait!"

She turned back around to face him. "Yeah?"

"Why?" The word came out choked with a sob as Blaine was staring over to her, needing an answer when at the same time knowing there simply was none.

Valerie's eyes turned soft. "Why what?"

He held her gaze for a moment and then slowly shook his head. He didn't know the exact question either.

"Don't worry, Blainey. I'll be back." Valerie smiled and left.

After a while Blaine got up and sauntered to the edge of the roof terrace. He entwined the fingers of one hand into the mesh wire fence. From this point of view he could see the pacific. It was beautiful, but so meaningless to him right now.

He opened his palm and looked down at the bracelet.

_Klaine_.

"You and me, baby, that's the only thing that matters to me, please believe me," Blaine murmured to himself, wishing desperately he could tell Kurt in person.

So why did he have the strong feeling that he'd let Kurt down? Like he had failed in protecting him?

He just couldn't imagine why he had wanted to leave everything behind, when he was so sure right now that he would never leave the world in which Kurt was still waiting for him.

He closed his eyes and tears spilled down his face. He needed to see Kurt so badly.

He didn't hear Gabriel coming closer until he heard his mocking voice.

"Blaine-y! That's how she calls you, right? How very sweet. A friend of mine has a dog called Blainey. Or was it Bailey?"

Blaine didn't turn around to look at him. He also didn't bother wiping the tears off his face.

"I remember doing it."

"Doing what?"

"Taking those pills. Swallow them." Blaine heaved a shaky breath. "But I don't remember _why_."

They stayed silent for a moment. There just was nothing to say.

"You know, you're not allowed to have jewelry on you," Gabriel remarked when he noticed the bracelet in Blaine's hand.

"What will I do with it? Strangle myself?" Blaine argued with a tired voice.

"You could swallow it down and choke on it," Gabriel offered with a shrug. "Not that I cared."

Yes, Blaine had trust issues, but he was getting better at knowing whom he could trust.

Blaine turned around to meet Gabriel's eyes.

"You're a liar," he said with a tiny smile playing along the corners of his mouth. He had a feeling that Gabriel cared a great deal by now.

"Help me put it on?" He held his hand out and Gabriel stepped closer, reached for the golden bracelet and put it around Blaine's wrist.

"You do know it got your name wrong? It says _Klaine_."

"I know." A smile spread on Blaine's face and he wiped his tears away. "I know."

~ o ~ o ~

**I hope you liked the little appearance of Blaine's younger brother Shane from CP Coulter's 'Dalton' in this chapter. He'll be featured more in some of the up-coming chapters, so watch out for him. :)**

**Songs in this chapter:**

Nope, no songs in this chapter either. But there'll be more songs again in some of the up-coming chapters. So, look forward to _Total eclipse of the heart, No Air, Need you now _and more…

**Next chapter:**

Finn finds out how the anonymous guy had been able to track down Kurt's route.

And Kurt finally arrives at Shane's school.

**Please review if you liked this chapter.**** Thank you! :D**


	16. Brothers I

**Author's Note: **

**Hi everyone! :)**

**Let's please take a moment to celebrate 57 reviews...**

**Yay! :D**

**Thank you so much to all of you! You guys are amazing! You know I love to hear about your suspicions and theories, so keep your comments coming my way! **

**So, many of you have been upset and confused about the last chapter and Blaine remembering his seemingly suicide attempt... While confusing you is my intention, I don't want to worry you more than necessary. So even if I might kill some of the suspense now, I promise you that once Blaine fully remembers what REALLY happened that disastrous night and why he took those pills and what he intended to achieve by taking them, it'll all make perfect sense. **

**OK, now you can speculate on this hint as much as you want to! ;)**

**Blaine's younger brother Shane from CP Coulter's 'Dalton' is guest-starring at the end of this chapter, so please give him a warm and lovely _Welcome_. I don't think I'm doing him justice, because he's just gorgeous in CP Coulter's work and I don't get him anywhere near being as great as he is in her story. So please forgive me for using him in my fanfic. **

**I guess 'Dalton' has spoiled me, because ever since I read that story Blaine has to have a brother called Shane in my mindset, so here he is…**

**This is part ONE of the three-part 'Brothers' chapter.**

~ o ~ o ~

Finn stood at his locker and stifled a yawn. He hadn't slept much last night. He had talked to Kurt on the phone for a long while and after that he couldn't find sleep, because his brain had been busy processing all the information. So far he had survived two hours of Algebra without falling asleep on his desk. History would be a challenge, though. And then there'd be the spanish class with Mr Schue.

With a groan he leaned his forehead against his locker and closed his eyes.

"Hello Finn!" Rachel's cheerful voice made him flinch.

"Hi Rachel."

She tilted her head in that sweet schoolgirl manner she mastered perfectly. "Hey, I thought maybe you and I could meet under the breachers at lunchtime? We could, you know, make out."

Finn's eyes widened at this offer. Rachel inviting him to a make-out session was a rare moment.

"We never made out under the breachers before," he said, wondering. The breachers were a popular hook-up place for couples.

"I know," Rachel chirped. "I thought it'd be exciting. All the guys on the football team go there with their girlfriends, so I don't want to deprive you of any possible high school experience that you might miss when you're older and…"

Finn smirked at her awkward rambling and stopped it by putting his hands on her small shoulders. "Thanks for your offer," looking down at her, he gave her an apologetic smile. "But I can't. I'm gonna call Kurt."

Rachel pursed her lips and brushed a strand of brown hair behind her ear. "You've already called him between classes."

She sounded slightly annoyed, which made Finn annoyed, too. "So what? I call him in all my breaks."

"Wow. Doesn't he get sick of you?" Rachel asked with an irritated smile.

"Why should he? He's stuck in a car for at least five more hours today before they arrive in Colorado Springs with the only distraction being Burt's country CD collection."

Finn couldn't explain to her how much Kurt needed him right now. After Kurt had told him about the anonymous text messages he had received and how much they had frightened him, Finn simply couldn't stop wondering who the hell was writing those messages to his step-brother. Also, Kurt had asked him not to tell their friends about all this and Finn had promised not to.

Finn knew that the way he suddenly cared about Kurt was highly unusual and he couldn't explain why he felt this need to make sure his step-brother was okay and call him every hour. Maybe it was, because no matter when or how often he called, Kurt would never sound annoyed. Even when Kurt would say, "You calling again? Seriously? Got nothing better to do?", Finn could hear that Kurt was actually very thankful to hear his voice and to know someone cared about what was going on.

Of course Finn was worried about what had happened to Blaine, too, but he was more afraid of how it was affecting his brother. He couldn't just stand there and watch Kurt suffer this much. He had let him down too many times in the past and he wasn't gonna repeat his mistakes. No, this was not just an attempt to make it up to Kurt, because he felt guilty about screwing up chances of being a friend to him in the past. He really cared about Kurt and it was a good feeling to be needed by someone.

"Don't get me wrong, I think it's really, really sweet of you to help him and I'm happy to see you're finally being a brother to him. But," now Rachel pouted sweetly, "there should still be time for a little snuggle with your girlfriend."

Finn sighed. He loved her, he really did. But he knew where _snuggles_ with her always led – nowhere! He would get aroused and have the hots for her and she would turn him down and let him deal with his arousal on his own, and then he would end up in a cold shower or jerking off on his own. Thanks very much. Yeah, it wasn't her fault that he was a teenage boy who couldn't control his urges, but … hell! He didn't want to rush her, of course, but he simply couldn't stand the just-kissing-thing they had going on no longer.

"So, are you suggesting getting on third base with me?" He teased her and when her eyes grew in shock, he smiled thinly. "Thought so. Well, maybe another time."

"So, you'd rather speak to Kurt on the phone than make out with me?" Rachel asked, her eyes wide with astonishment. Before Finn could utter as much as an apology, however, Rachel's face lit up.

"Wow, I'm really impressed, Finn. Who would've thought you'd develop this much?" She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him lovingly and he let out a sigh of relief and confusion.

Jacob passed them by, giving Finn a look of hatred, and muttered, "Fraud!"

Finn simply ignored him. Ever since he had denied him Rachel's panties Jacob tried to kill him with evil stares.

"What's up with Jacob lately?" Rachel asked and shuddered in his arms. "He keeps calling me _peach__pie_ and gives me these alluring looks. Urgh."

"Uhm, I have no idea," Finn replied and gave her his most dumbfounded expression.

"See you later at glee club." Rachel stood on her tiptoes to kiss him.

~ o ~ o ~

At lunch time Finn was strolling along the hallway to drop off his text books into his locker and then find a peaceful place to sit and call Kurt. His tired state made him less watchful for his surroundings, so he jumped when he closed his locker door and found a big square-shouldered figure standing there, blocking his way and frowning at eye-level at him.

"Grilled Cheezus," Finn cursed and took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. He wondered if this was the exact same way Karofsky used to sneak up on Kurt to terrorize him. This picture in his head didn't help to lift his spirits.

"What?" He asked very unfriendly.

"Why's Hummel been to hospital _again_? What's wrong with him?"

Finn narrowed his eyes at him. Not caring about how the hell Karofsky knew about this, he put on his most hostile expression. "None of your business, Karofsky."

Finn casually turned to walk away, but Karofsky slammed his fist into the locker right next to Finn's head and hissed, "Aren't you supposed to look out for him? What kind of big brother are you?"

Finn was taken aback by the scorching criticism in Karofsky's voice. Was he seriously angry about Finn failing on his job as Kurt's brother?

"Woah! Easy, dude!" Finn squared his shoulders. "Who told you Kurt had been in hospital anyway?"

"No one."

Finn could tell that Karofsky now tried his best to look indifferent after his strange outburst.

"Then how do you know?"

"Are you kidding me?" Karofsky sneered at him. "All I had to do was going online yesterday and check your _Facebook_ blog where you and your glee club loser friends literally whined about poor precious Kurtie-baby all afternoon. That's also where I learned that he is on the road right now, following track of his lost lover-boy."

Finn's eyes bulged. "You… know he's on the road?" That had been the point Kurt had been pondering the most over. How on earth did the anonymous guy know he was on his way to Colorado?

"What? Is that a secret?" Karofsky arched his brows. "That Mercedes-girl and that prep school boy practically updated the route Kurt's taking every quarter of an hour." He chuckled and added with a mocking voice, "Oh, he's in St. Louis now. I'm so excited, it's amazing they're so far already!"

With a groan Finn rolled his head and closed his eyes. Damn! Whoever was on Kurt's heels got his information from _Facebook_, thanks to Kurt's stupid, _stupid_ friends.

"See, that's why I don't like _Facebook_," Karofsky went on. "I just don't get it. Why is it important that all your friends see every step you take? Nice place for stalkers, though."

"Like you?" Finn teased. "You know, with all your snooping around one could get the idea that you're interested in Kurt."

"I told you, he amuses me." Karofsky shrugged and let out another laugh. "I heard he's gone mental after his boyfriend split up with him. I thought it was fun to hear about it."

"Blaine didn't split up with Kurt."

"Why, I've seen Hummel's heartbreaking R.E.M. song video," Karofsky smiled viciously. "It was just so sad. He even cried in the end. It really touched me deep inside." He pounded his fist against his chest.

Finn gritted his teeth. "Say, why are you so obsessed with Kurt?"

Karofsky stepped back, his face an unreadable mask.

"Aren't you satisfied enough that you made him leave this school? Are you getting some weird kind of pleasure by terrorizing people? No normal person would threaten to _kill_ someone just because you're afraid of an entry in your school record for picking on people."

"It's not my fault that he's hypersensitive," Karofsky argued lamely.

Finn clenched his fists and glared at him. "Say, are you writing those anonymous texts to him? I think it would be just your style, approaching him from behind to terrify him. An anonymous coward, that's what you are."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Karofsky held his palms up in defense. "I know nothing about texts. I don't even have his number."

"_Die__fag_!" Finn said and stepped forward, while Karofksy flinched visibly at his words. "Does this sound familiar?"

Karofsky just stared at him in confusion.

"Leave him alone, Karofsky! I mean it!" Finn tapped Karofsky's chest with his fist. "When I find out you're behind all this shit, _I__'__m_ the one who's gonna kill _you_!"

With a huff Finn turned and walked away.

~ o ~ o ~

At lunch time they stopped at a gas station to refill the tank, buy coffee and stretch their legs. They had made good time in the morning and had soon made up for their delay the previous day. However, Kurt was still unsettled.

He was waiting for Finn to call. His stepbrother would fill him in with the latest gossip and distract Kurt's mind from darker business. But Finn hadn't called yet.

With one hand deep in the pocket of his jeans and the other one holding a steaming cup of coffee, he paced up and down the parking lot, the gravel crunching loudly under his sneakers.

Kurt had swapped phones with his father, so that he was bound to use Burt's old and clearly out of fashion one. But he didn't mind. After he had texted all of his friends and told them his new number, the phone in Burt's possession had stayed silent so far. And hopefully would.

Last night Kurt had lain in the narrow motel bed and talked to Finn for over an hour while Burt had called his wife for a midnight chat, lying in his own bed just across the room.

Kurt had told Finn _everything_ about the scary text messages from the anonymous guy and how it had delayed them. Somehow talking to Finn had soothed Kurt in a way he never had thought was possible. Yes, they had had their struggles in the past and just because they were brothers on the paper, didn't necessarily mean they would actually _feel_ like brothers. But Finn had overcome his homophobic awkwardness towards Kurt and Kurt had coped with his former crush on Finn.

Now Kurt felt like they could talk about anything. Finn might not always have answers or the best advice, but he would listen and validate his fears. And he would get pissed if Kurt did _not_ confide in him, so he was pretty sure that Finn really wanted him to tell him stuff. It was kinda nice and he felt like he could confide in Finn in a way he couldn't to his father or his best friends.

This was a pretty new side of their relationship and Kurt was astonished by how good it felt to have someone who would listen to him twenty-four hours a day. He could talk to him even if Finn was under the shower and he wouldn't freak out about it. He could fall asleep on the couch next to Finn without him feeling uncomfortable about too much closeness. It felt like they were becoming real brothers at last.

Kurt took a sip of his coffee, which was still too hot to drink, and wondered how close Blaine and his brother were.

Kurt had met Shane a few times before and the hyperactive boy seemed _very_ fond of his older brother. Also Blaine talked a lot about him. Come to think of it, Shane was the _only_ family member Blaine ever talked about.

Kurt knew that Shane was gay, too, but still in the closet. Well, not around Blaine and his friends, but apparently his family - especially his father - didn't know that Shane liked boys. He could only imagine the disappointment of Mr Anderson when Shane would come out to him. However, their father must rather want his sons alive and gay than dead and... well, dead. Even if it might be a bitter pill to swallow to have two gay sons.

Kurt flinched at his own thoughts. God, he didn't want to think about swallowing pills.

_Blaine didn't want to kill himself!_

Kurt believed that the whole suicide story was the fictional product of Blaine's father's vicious mind and part of some plot against his son. He _knew_ his boyfriend. There was no way Blaine would do such a desperate act. Whatever problems he might have with his father, there was always a way out.

Kurt kicked a stone hard and it scooted across the parking lot.

Suicide could _never_ be the answer. Suicide meant you didn't care about anything or anyone anymore, but your own escape. And no matter what Blaine was going through, Kurt was sure that his boyfriend at least still cared about him.

_No,__Blaine__would_never_want__to__kill__himself!_

He was sure that Shane could tell him what really had happened to Blaine, and not what their father wanted everyone to believe.

~ o ~ o ~

Burt finished talking to Carole on the phone and sat down on a bench outside the restaurant. He turned to his coffee to warm his hands. There was a pretty cold wind roaring, but Burt enjoyed the fresh air.

He looked over to his son and frowned once more at the unfamiliar sight of him in these clothes. The red down vest he had borrowed from Finn was way too big for Kurt and made him look even smaller than he actually was. With a wistful smile Burt remembered the day when he had seen Kurt wearing the football gear on the field. God, he had looked so little.

Burt was still worried about the weight Kurt had lost over the past few weeks. He was still disturbingly skinny, but wouldn't eat anything except these shakes. Burt would celebrate the day when Kurt would finally eat a proper piece of meat again.

Kurt had ducked his head while he strolled up and down the parking lot and due to the visor of his baseball hat his face was hidden. Although Burt couldn't see his son's features, he knew that Kurt was getting nervous.

Just a few more hours and they would arrive at Shane's school.

"Hey Kurt, join me here!" Burt patted the spot on the bench to his left.

"I thought the point of stretching one's legs was walking about," Kurt replied, but came over to sit with him nevertheless. The second he sat down Kurt's phone buzzed and he looked at the caller. "It's Finn," he told his father with a little smile and immediately answered the call.

"You're late," he teased his brother. "Lunch break is almost over. What took you so long?"

"Sorry, I was delayed by Karofsky." Finn's voice was strained. "Kurt, I might've found out how the anon guy knows you're on the road."

Kurt frowned and quickly pushed a button on the phone. "Finn, I've put you on speaker, so Dad can listen in. Go on."

"Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but, well, it just so happened that Mercedes and Reed and myself have commented on your whereabouts on _Facebook_ the whole afternoon yesterday and it seems very much likely that whoever texted you might've seen our comments?"

Kurt leaned forward and put his face in his hand with a groan. "I don't believe this."

"I'm, like, sorry? We just wanted to keep everyone up to date, you know?" Finn explained. "Because _everybody_ is worried about you and would pester me with texts and mails and then Mercedes and I thought it'd be easier to just post on _Facebook_ for everyone to see and… well, yeah... I guess that's where the anonymous guy saw it, too."

"I always told you this internet stuff's no good," Burt broke in. "Well, at least it explains how he knew."

Kurt sat up again and glanced at his father, his mouth a thin line.

"Now, thank you very much for this value piece of information, Finn Hudson," he spoke in his best sarcastic voice. "It's always nice to hear that your friends don't hestitate to pass on every word you say behind your back _online_. I will get to Mercedes and Reed about this later. Oh, and before I forget, s_top_ commenting _my_ life on _Facebook_!"

"Yeah, I get it, okay? I'm really sorry." Finn sighed and sounded truly regretful. "So, have there been any more texts?"

"No, luckily not so far," Kurt answered after a shared look with his father.

"Oh, good. Hey, listen, there's something else I wanted to ask you." Finn sounded like he already knew that Kurt would get mad at him.

"What is it?" Kurt looked down at his sneakers again and shuffled the gravel around.

"Are you _sure_ that Karofsky wasn't the one who bashed you up?"

Kurt frowned. He hated being reminded of that awful night. "Why would you ask that?"

"Because he's been asking me about you again today. Actually he's the one who told me about knowing everything about your roadtrip thanks to _Facebook_. So I wondered if he maybe was the guy who wrote those texts to you. Of course he said he didn't. I just think it's odd that he takes such an interest in you. So I wonder if maybe he's always asking about you, because he wants to make sure you don't rat something out."

Kurt felt his father stiffen next to him. It wouldn't be the first time Kurt wouldn't tell important stuff to his family.

"Finn, it wasn't Karofsky who attacked me."

"You say so. But _maybe_ it had been him and he threatened you about it, so you would be afraid to tell anyone? You don't need to protect him, Kurt."

"I'm not protecting him," Kurt said wearily and shook his head. "I don't _know_ who attacked me. Everything happened so fast. But I think I would have recognized Karofsky." Kurt exhaled a short breath. "I'm not so sure anymore. But I swear to you I'm not lying about this."

"Okay, then. Good. But I'll keep an eye on Karofsky, just in case."

Kurt closed his eyes. "Whatever."

Kurt ended the call and stayed in his hunched forward position, his head in both hands, until he felt his father's hand drop on his back in a comforting gesture.

"We should get back on the road."

Kurt nodded and slowly got up to follow his father to their car.

~ o ~ o ~

Kurt put the phone down and murmured a heartfelt, "Well, _fuck__you_ social life."

He'd just talked to Steven who had told him that Shane was currently lingering in the school's parking lot with his new friends, apparently deciding where to go to spend the evening.

Burt lifted his brow questioningly.

"Sorry for swearing," Kurt glanced at his father. "But why does Shane need to cultivate his social life on a Tuesday night? Steven says Shane's about to hit the city with his teammates. So we'd better hurry or else spend the next few hours waiting for curfew and Shane's return."

Instead of an answer Burt hit the gas.

According to the GPS they were only ten minutes away from the school. It would be just hilarious if they missed the boy now and had to sit and wait in the school's parking lot.

Kurt was drumming his fingers against his leg. "There, it's the school." He pointed to their left to a complex of buildings surrounded by high walls.

"Are you sure? Looks like a goddamn palace to me."

Kurt chuckled. "Did you expect Blaine's brother to be in a public school when Blaine went to a place like Dalton? Granted, this place looks even more impressive than Dalton."

It was already dark outside and the illuminating of the castle-like main building made a great visual impact. They drove slowly up the long gateway and entered the parking lot inside the courtyard. The place was big and about a hundred cars where parked in rows and Burt could tell that none of them was second-hand. No doubt, these kids had rich parents.

Burt occupied the next free spot and they got out of the car, eyeing up the place. There was a group of kids over at the opposite end of the courtyard and Kurt scanned the crowd to see if Blaine's brother was among them.

"See him?" Burt stepped up next to his son.

"Holy Gaga, there he is." Kurt let out a puff of air and turned to his father. "You stay here. I'll go over and see if I can steer him away from his friends and find a place to talk in private." Kurt brushed his hands over his clothes and adjusted his baseball hat. "How do I look? Ah, never mind."

Kurt jogged lightly over the parking lot. Burt stayed beside their car, but he watched his son closely as he approached the other kids, who were talking and laughing and listening to loud music from a boom box.

Kurt approached the group and to his surprise he noticed that Shane had his arm wrapped around the waist of a brunette. Who was this girl? His fake girlfriend? Or real one? Kurt knew that Shane's school was for girls and boys. Blaine had also told him that he and his brother used to fake date girls a few years back to keep up the façade for their own safety, when they both had been at a public highschool together and were afraid of being bullied.

Kurt couldn't believe that Shane was still doing this.

He felt his heart speed up as he neared Blaine's brother. However, he couldn't step up next to Shane, because the group of students blocked his way.

"Shane!" Kurt stood at the edge of the group and raised an arm to get Shane's attention.

"Hey Shane, here's someone for you!" A girl shouted.

"Who is it?"

"I don't know!"

Shane made his way through the crowd and Kurt stepped further back to steer him away. He noticed that Shane was wearing blue stonewashed jeans and the blue colored jacket of the hockey team, just like his teammates. His dark hair was hidden underneath a black watch cap and he dug his hands deep into his pockets to keep them warm.

"Dude, do I know you?" Shane asked in a rather unfriendly way and looked around the place as if to check whether or not there were more people around who wanted to bother him.

Kurt was taken aback and didn't know what to say. He'd never seen Shane like this before - unfriendly, exasperated, and most likely about to throw a punch at anyone who dared messing with him.

"What do you want?" Shane was clearly on edge and shifted from one foot to the other. "I don't have time for..."

Finally their eyes met and Kurt saw Shane's face change the instant he recognized him. All blood seemed to drain from his face within seconds and a strangled whisper escaped the boy's lips, "Kurt?"

Kurt expelled a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. "Can we talk somewhere?"

Shane opened his mouth to answer, but a guy stepped up next to him and put his arm casually around Shane's shoulders. "Hey man, who's this?"

For a second Kurt could see panic rise in Shane's eyes, but then Shane hastily said, "Just the guy who's interested in my car. I told you."

"What the fuck? I thought you didn't wanna sell it anymore?"

"Right," Shane acknowledged and turned to Kurt roughly. "I changed my mind, dude. I'm not selling it. Sorry, but you came for nothing."

Shane turned away to follow his teammate, but Kurt grabbed his sleeve. "Wait! I really need to talk with you… about that car."

"Hurry up, Shane," the guy next to him grunted. "We're leaving."

"Yeah, I'll be with you in a minute." Shane turned to Kurt again with an unreadable expression. "You better get lost, dude!" He raised his voice to the benefit of his friends. "Or do I need to make myself clear?"

Raising a fist at Kurt, Shane stepped threateningly closer.

Kurt expected to be punched and braced himself for it, but instead Shane leaned forward and whispered, "Meet me in an hour at _South__Side__Johnny__'__s_." Then he shoved him, hard, making Kurt stumble a few steps backwards. With a laugh Shane returned to his snickering teammates.

"Hey!" Burt called out and hurried over to his son, glaring at the group of kids. "You! What do you think you're doing pushing him around?"

Some kids looked their way, curious and definitely not wanting to miss a fight, but Shane got into his car along with the brunette and a few other guys.

Kurt took his father by the arm and led him back to the car. "It's alright, Dad! Don't make a scene."

"That kid shoved you! What was that all about?"

"Get in the car, Dad, _please_."

Still fuming Burt got behind the steering wheel again. "I'm not driving two days to watch you being bullied by this kid!"

"That was just for show. We'll meet Shane in an hour at a place called _South__Side__Johnny__'__s_."

"Oh… okay. What's that place?" Burt huffed.

"I don't know, but I'll find out." Kurt hit the name into the GPS and the device calculated the route. "It seems to be some kind of restaurant downtown, about fifteen minutes from here."

Burt frowned. "A restaurant? Don't you kids meet at coffee shops or fast food diners?"

"I guess that's the exact reason why he chose this place," Kurt said with a sigh. "He doesn't want to be seen with me in public."

"Let me tell ya, I don't like this."

"Yeah, I don't like it either."

~ o ~ o ~

**And how do YOU like it? **

**Please let me know! :)**

**Next chapter: **

**OK, you guys will LOVE the next chapter. I certainly do. It'll contain a bit Klaine fluff, a Kliss, a Klaine fight, and more of Shane and Reed :)**


	17. Brothers II

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you to EVERYONE who reviewed the last chapter! :D I love all of you guys! **

**OK, my afterword will be long, so I keep this foreword short. ;)**

**I hope everyone who knows CP Coulter's 'Dalton' will love this chapter, because there's a bit Shane and Reed fluff in it. **

**And I hope everyone who doesn't know 'Dalton' can enjoy it just as much. :)**

**This is part TWO of the three-part 'Brothers' chapter. **

~ o ~ o ~

The _South__Side__Johnny__'__s_ was not only a restaurant, but a crowded place with live music and a long bar. It was surprisingly well-attended for seven o'clock on a Tuesday night. The clientele was mostly adults – loud and drunk adults at the bar –, so it was no place where teenagers would come in. Maybe this was why Shane had picked this establishment as a meeting point.

Burt and Kurt chose a booth at the opposite corner of the bar, hidden from general view, but within sight of the entrance. Kurt wanted to see Shane the instance the boy put one foot through the door.

They took their hats off and sat down across from each other.

Burt instantly grabbed a menu from between the napkin holders.

"Oh, they have Grilled Rib Eye steak."

Kurt snapped the menu out of his father's grip and eyed it disapprovingly.

"I'm afraid you can't eat anything of this menu," he said while studying it. "Maybe you could have the chicken, but without the sauce."

"Kurt, have mercy. What's a piece of meat without sauce?"

Kurt raised a brow at his father. "Asian hot sauce? You got to be kidding me, Dad. You can order the chicken _without_ sauce."

"Alright, I get it." Burt closed the menu with a sigh. "We should've thought about bringing your protein shakes along," Burt added thoughtful, not liking the fact that Kurt sat there with an empty stomach.

"I'll have one as soon as we get back to the car. For now a diet coke will do."

The waitress came over, scribbled down their orders and disappeared again.

For a moment Burt observed the place and the people surrounding them. Everyone was chatting loudly and having a good time. No one was paying attention to their table. Good. Whatever that Shane-kid had to tell them would not be overheard by anyone in this noise.

He could tell his son grew more anxious with every passing minute, never taking his eyes off the entrance. Burt leaned forward, his arms resting on the table.

"So, Blaine's brother, tell me about him."

Kurt's eyes met his father's and a tender smile curled up Kurt's lips.

"Well, mostly Shane's a dancer. He loves to dance and to be in motion. I guess he just can't sit still. He's quite the opposite of Blaine. He's very spontaneous and fidgety and carries his heart on his tongue."

Kurt tilted his head, put one cheek in his hand and gazed dreamingly at the glass of diet coke in front of him.

"Come to think of it, I actually think that Blaine would love to be the same, you know, jumping on furniture, starting to dance without music, laughing for no apparent reason and just being careless. I think Blaine feels like he always has to be in control. I guess growing up with an overexcited little brother with the high tendency to get into trouble, Blaine felt that he needed to take care of him and take over responsibility. Although I bet underneath all his composure Blaine just wants to be the wild one himself."

Kurt took a breath to continue his monologue about Blaine when he suddenly realized that he was doing something again that Mercedes had accused him of so many times already: whatever he originally talked about, he always ended up talking about Blaine.

"Shane's a good guy," Kurt finished in a rush. "Sometimes he can get a little annoying, but he has a good heart."

The waitress brought Burt's meal and while his father began eating, Kurt got lost into a memory that involved the last time he'd seen Shane a few weeks before Christmas.

~ o ~ o ~

Kurt stayed at Dalton for the first weekend of December. It was early afternoon on a Saturday and Kurt and Blaine were strolling through the halls of the main building on their way to visit their friend Reed in the art hall.

They were both out of uniform and dressed casually. Kurt was wearing a skin tight red jeans, a black long-sleeved shirt and a black vest with silver embroidery. Blaine had asked him – well, almost begged him – to stay for the weekend and now Kurt enjoyed being able to show off his favorite clothes to the remaining Dalton students.

Blaine wore simple blue jeans, a dark grey shirt and his red cardigan. Although Kurt wished dearly that Blaine would dress up more, he had to admit that his boyfriend somehow managed to look _breathtaking_ even in this simple selection of clothing. Hell, Blaine even managed to look good in the goddamn Dalton blazer, although Kurt of course always was thrilled to see him out of uniform.

They were descending a flight of winding stairs, when Blaine suddenly turned to Kurt and asked him to stop. "Do me a favor. Stay right here."

"Why?" Kurt narrowed his eyes at him.

"Just stay on this step until I tell you to come down." Blaine went further down until he reached the ground. He turned and looked back up at Kurt, smiling broadly and reminding Kurt of a happy puppy dog, all big eyes and wagging tail.

"Do you know where you're standing right now?"

Kurt stuck out his hip and rested a hand on it. He looked down at his boyfriend and arched his eyebrows. "On a staircase?"

Blaine laughed softly. "For someone who adores romance so much, I can't believe you don't recognize the spot where we first met."

"Oh," Kurt validated his surroundings with a wistful glance. "Of course I know this is where we met."

Blaine smiled up at him and his eyes sparkled with pure happiness. "I've always wanted to tell you what I've been thinking the moment I saw you for the first time on these steps."

Kurt cocked his head and curled his lips into a smile. "And what's that?"

"Well, I looked up at you and the first thing that came to me was, _Wow! __The __staircase __never __looked __this __beautiful._"

Now Kurt crossed his arms and shook his head with an amused smile. "Aww, you're being cheesy."

"No, it's the truth," Blaine replied all serious.

"You're making that up."

"No, I'm not! I swear!" Blaine made a pouty face. "Why don't you believe me?"

"Because it's too charming to be true."

"I'm telling you, it's true..." Blaine started to explain, but he was cut off by a deafening scream – "BROTHER!" – and a heavy object hitting him full force, almost knocking him down. Blaine barely held his ground, while his younger but taller brother wrestled him from behind.

"Shane, what are you doing here?" Blaine asked with a strangled voice, because all breath had been knocked out of him by Shane's impact. He tried to shake his brother off unsuccessfully.

"Surprise! I thought I'd fly over for the weekend to see my favourite brother!"

"I'm your _only_ brother," Blaine reminded him with a headshake. He had stopped fighting against the hug-monster he was unfortunately related to and braced himself to be living with the appendix on his back for a while longer.

Shane winked at Kurt, who was still standing a few stairs above them.

"Hi Kurt! Did I interrupt you two with something?"

"No," Kurt responded with a smirk. "We were just remembering the first time we've met."

At this Shane's eyes got round and he inspected the stairway like it was a historical monument. "Woah, is _this_ the staircase?"

Kurt arched his brows. "Wait, you know about where we met?"

"Blaine told me _everything_!" Shane grinned up at him and made Kurt wonder what exactely was included in _everything_.

Blaine decided to take advantage of his brother's presence. "Shane, do you remember what I told you about what I had been thinking when I first met Kurt?"

"Course I do," Shane replied, finally releasing his brother and sounding slightly offended. "You said you looked up at the newbie standing on the stairs and you thought, _wow, __the __staircase __never __looked so __beautiful_."

Blaine smiled triumphantly up at Kurt. "Hear?"

Kurt's eyes twinkled with delight, but still he was rather amused than charmed. "So, does the staircase need any more beautification? Or can I come down now?"

"Yes, please join us down here." Blaine held out his hand for Kurt to take. Both Anderson boys stared in awe at Kurt who descended graceful as ever and took hold of Blaine's hand. Blaine couldn't resist to bow and kiss Kurt's hand.

Kurt started giggling and withdrew his hand from his boyfriend's grip. "Blaine, will you please stop?"

"Aww, you guys are so cute together!" Shane sighed with affection. He flopped an arm around Kurt's shoulders and lowered his voice, "Say, is your friend Reed around?"

Kurt smiled back at him. "We were just on our way to meet him in the art hall."

"It's right down this hallway," Blaine offered. "I suppose you can't wait to..."

"Who's first?" Shane shouted the challenge and began running down the hall. Blaine grabbed for Kurt's hand and dragged him along. The one time Kurt had been running in the hallways of Dalton had been on his first day when Blaine had pulled him along exactly the same way.

But this wasn't meant to be romantic, this was a race.

Kurt wasn't used to boyish behaviour and normally wouldn't attend something as childish as a race, but his competitive genes kicked in and he sped up, letting go of Blaine's hand and running past both brothers with incredible speed.

Both Anderson boys stopped and needed to gasp for air at the dazzling sight of Kurt's backside in his skin tight red jeans.

"Good gracious, brother, your boyfriend's _hot_!" Shane uttered, but was heard by Kurt anyway, who now stood in front of the art hall entrance, looking just perfect and unaffected by the sprint, both hands on his hips and flicking his bangs back with a swift move of his head.

He grinned at the brothers. "I won. What's the price?"

"Sloppy kisses from the losers," Shane suggested jokingly and leaned forward. Kurt leaned back and held his hand up, palm outwards, to stop Shane from whatever he intended to do.

"Shane, behave." Blaine grabbed the back of Shane's shirt and yanked him backwards. "If you as much as even _think_ of kissing my boyfriend, I'll cut your balls off."

At this Kurt's eyes expanded, but he decided not to comment on Blaine's language. So he just turned to open the door to the art hall.

Reed was the only student working in the painter's section of the studio today. He wore a headband to keep his strawberry blond curly hair from falling into his face while he stood in front of an easel and studied the blank canvas with a dreamy, but intense stare. In his right hand he held a broad paintbrush which was dripping with paint, big drops of blue were falling on his smock, his shoes and the newspaper which he had put on the floor.

Kurt figured that Shane had never seen Reed dressed in an old blue jeans and a smock before, his face and arms splattered with paint. Next to Kurt his friend Reed was the best dressed Dalton student when out of uniform. Thanks to his mother who just happened to be a world famous fashion designer, Reed was never in lack of fabulous outfits and the latest chic. To Kurt's pleasure Reed would give most of his clothes to him, because he simply couldn't wear all of them.

"Hi Reed," Kurt greeted him to let him know he was no longer alone.

"Perfect timing, Kurt," Reed replied, still deeply absorbed by his painting. "I need your opinion on my latest idea before I get started. I have this vision of an abstract picture showing the Niagara Falls with a tiny barrel in it, symbolising the meaninglessness of a single decision in the greater context and how it affects _everything_ at the same time and..."

Kurt cleared his throat softly. "Reed, I brought company."

"Oh." Reed turned around to greet them. His lovely smile faltered, however, when he saw Shane standing behind Kurt and immediately he blushed adorably. Although Blaine was there, too, he only seemed to take in the presence of Blaine's brother.

"Oh, hi, Sh…sh…shane," Reed stuttered and blushed even more crimson. "What are you doing here? … I mean, I wasn't expecting … uhm, haven't … seen you … for a while ..: but of course you'd come to visit your brother… and…"

Kurt couldn't hide a smile at how flustered his roommate became as soon as Shane was around.

"Hi Reed!" Shane waved his hand and grinned broadly at him. "I missed seeing your cute smile, so I hopped onto the next plane and came to stay for the weekend."

"Hey, I thought you came, because you missed _me_," Blaine complained with a grin, but was ignored entirely.

"I hope you don't mind me being here?" Shane tilted his head and stepped closer towards the smaller boy.

"No, no, of course not, why should I mind? I'm just... surprised and..."

Shane opened his arms to give Reed one of his smashing hugs, but Reed saw it coming and stepped hastily back. Doing so, he stumbled into the roll cart which was keeping all his paint utensils and lost balance. Of course, clumsy as always Reed fell over with his arms flailing wildly. However, before he hit the ground, Shane caught him and held him steady with both arms around Reed's back.

There was a second when all of them held their breath, then...

Blaine cracked up laughing, while Kurt's eyes widened in horror at the sight of blue color drops on Shane's new shirt.

The paintbrush Reed was still clutching in his right hand had stroked over the length of Shane's face, leaving a broad blue line from his chin up to his hair line. A strand of now blue colored hair fell into his closed eyes, even his eyelashes were glued with blue paint.

Reed stared up at his savior in pure shock. "_Ohmygosh_! I'm so, so sorry!"

Shane tried to blink, but with the paint all over his eyes he couldn't see anything.

"I think you look awesome, Shane!" Blaine mocked his brother. "Really, blue's your color!"

"I'll help you wash it off," Reed offered and tried to wriggle out of Shane's firm embrace, unsuccessfully. "You... you can let go of me now, Shane, I'm standing," Reed said a little helpless.

Kurt hid a smirk behind his hand, because it was obvious that Shane would rather stay blind and blue-faced if it meant he could hold onto the smaller boy for a while longer. Reluctantly Shane released Reed and the painter took Shane's arm to carefully lead him into the small restroom connecting to the studio while he muttered a bunch of apologies over and over again.

With the two boys out of sight, Blaine stepped closer to his boyfriend and lowered his voice.

"You know I hate invading someone else's privacy, but, say, do you have any clue if Reed's playing for our team? Shane's calling me _every_ _freaking_ _night_ and bugs me about him. He's _really_ into him and just wants to know if there's even the slightest chance of them getting together. Usually my gaydar is quite reliable, but with him..."

"I don't know either." Kurt made a face and sighed. "Actually, I think Reed can't answer that question himself yet."

"Oh," Blaine nodded thoughtful at this. Then he smiled at Kurt in a way that indicated nothing good.

"You have no idea how happy I am that you're playing for my team," Blaine said and wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist, pulling him near.

"Gosh, if you were straight, I'd lock you up in one of those facilities where they turn you gay."

Kurt raised an eyebrow at him and kept his cool face. "I don't think such a place exists. It's usually the other way around."

"Oh no, there you're mistaken, Mr Hummel." Blaine closed the space between them and let his hands slide up and down Kurt's sides in a very suggestive way. "Such a place definitely exists," Blaine murmured and leaned in close to Kurt's left ear. "It's called _my_ _bedroom_. And believe me, once I got you in there, you'll _come_ _out_."

Blaine chuckled at his own nerdy joke.

Kurt granted him a smile. "I bet _you_ could turn any straight man gay." Kurt put his arms around Blaine's neck and leaned his forehead against his boyfriend's. "That's why I'd better had my eye on you, before anybody takes you away from me."

"Nobody could ever take me away from you," Blaine whispered and gently nudged his nose against Kurt's. "You have me wrapped around your finger..."

Kurt was well aware of Blaine's needy hands on his hips and the way their lower bodies touched, the way Blaine's thumb slipped underneath his shirt and caressed his skin...

It made Kurt's heart beat faster.

He could sense whenever Blaine wanted to kiss him, which was like, _always_, and most of the time Kurt had to put him off. It wasn't because Kurt didn't want to kiss him back. But strangely Blaine's need to kiss him would mostly occur when people were around and Kurt would feel uncomfortable with an audience.

It wasn't the _kissing __in __public_ part that disturbed him that much.

It was the moaning part.

Whenever Blaine kissed him properly, Kurt would get lost in the sensation and forget everything and everyone around him, and it would happen so very often that he couldn't help but moan into the kiss. It had happened before with David and Wesley around and it had been _so_ embarrassing. Not only for Kurt, but for Blaine also, because whenever Kurt starts moaning, Blaine would get turned on by the sexy sounds escaping Kurt's throat. Now let's talk about being turned on in a way that could not easily be hidden in the thin fabric of the Dalton uniform trousers!

But apart from Shane and Reed in the room next door, no one was around today.

Kurt wetted his lips in anticipation and saw Blaine's eyes follow the trace his tongue left on his mouth with a dreamy look. They had become quite good at communicating without words. Blaine knew exactly if Kurt would allow him to kiss him or not.

And right now he wanted to be kissed.

Their eyes met and Kurt saw the desire burn in his boyfriend's hazel eyes. He knew that Blaine's sex drive was much more intense than his own. To see all this sheer _want_ in Blaine's eyes still scared him, but it was highly contagious and he didn't know how much longer he could resist his boyfriend on the physical part of their relationship.

"Kurt Hummel, you're driving me insane," Blaine uttered in an alluring murmur before he captured Kurt's lips.

They both closed their eyes the moment their lips met and almost instantly Blaine's tongue licked against Kurt's mouth to demand entrance, which of course was granted.

While their kiss deepened, Blaine's hands began to wander.

One was placed firmly in Kurt's neck while the other one slipped boldly underneath Kurt's shirt to caress the skin of his lower back and press him closer at the same time.

Blaine stepped slightly aside and slid one knee between Kurt's legs and slowly upwards, pressing against Kurt's crotch. Kurt was willing to ignore the naughty knee between his legs, because Blaine's tongue was currently doing some amazing things with his own. But then Blaine got bolder and let both hands slid further down to feel up Kurt's butt.

Kurt gasped into the kiss in surprise. His own hands reached down to withdraw the tight clasp around his butt cheeks, but his mouth didn't break contact with his boyfriend's. The second he released Blaine's hands, however, they went south again to squeeze his butt once more.

"Woah! It's so _freaking __hot_ in here all of a sudden!"

Kurt broke the kiss immediately and stepped out of Blaine's embrace, wiping his mouth and straightening his vest.

Shane and Reed had come back and while Shane looked like he happily wanted to wave pom-poms to cheer them on, Reed's face had gone tomato red and he looked totally embarrassed to have stepped in on them making out like this.

"You guys are so freaking awesome together!" Shane sounded like he was about to give them a trophy for _hotest __couple __on __campus._

"Hey, Reed, can you paint them entangled into each other?" Shane nudged his elbow into Reed's side. "I wanna hang them over my fireplace for inspiration."

"Shane, shut up," Blaine grumbled. "Go and get yourself your own boyfriend and stop being jealous of my relationship."

At this Reed blushed even more. "I think I should... I have to... leave." With his gaze stuck on the floor he fled the room in a hurry.

Kurt slapped the back of Blaine's head. "Use your head before you talk."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make _him_ uncomfortable," Blaine said defensively and rubbed his head.

"Should I go after him?" Shane offered eagerly, but Kurt shook his head. "Believe me, Shane, you're the last person in the world who Reed would want to see now."

Kurt crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at both of them. "What's wrong with you Andersons? Do you enjoy embarrassing people in public?" With these words Kurt hit Blaine's hand that somehow had snuck back to rest on his waist.

"It's like you intentionally drag people into awkward situations. Remember when you sang to that GAP guy? Did you really expect him to fall for you after singing such a naughty song? It was like you _wanted_ to expose him and embarrass him and ..."

"Why do you always need to bring my past mistakes on the table?" Blaine broke in, clearly annoyed. "This has nothing to do with Jeremiah."

"Well, yeah, the poor guy only got fired, because of your stupid need to make a public announcement of your crush."

"Excuse me that I'm not hiding in the closet," Blaine snapped at his boyfriend. "Excuse me that I want to show the world that I'm in love with you and not just steal kisses behind closed doors. I'm sorry that you have to be so ashamed of me..."

"This is not about being ashamed or being out and proud," Kurt shot back. "This is about respect. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. is the word, Mr Anderson. Aretha Franklin and I are like this!" He laced his middle finger over his index finger and held them into Blaine's face.

"I know the word, Mr Hummel. I hear it _every__freaking__time_ Mercedes is texting you. Which is _a __lot._"

"All I'm saying is if you'd respect me more, you wouldn't get me into situations like this."

Blaine arched his eyebrows at Kurt. "Why, I don't remember putting a gun in your back and make you kiss me!"

Kurt poked his finger into Blaine's chest. "But you _know_ what it's doing to me when you kiss me like this... and hold me close... and grope me..."

At this point Kurt flushed deep crimson and he could see a twinkle in his boyfriend's eyes, indicating that Blaine was rather amused by this argument than really annoyed. But Kurt was being serious and he didn't want to back off of the point he was trying to make. Also he was getting even more pissed at the realization that Blaine obviously thought the whole situation was funny.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "At least I don't want an audience when you're not able to control yourself. Is that too much to ask?"

"Woah, Kurt, _you__'__re_ the one who's wearing skin tight jeans here." Blaine opened his arms in a defensive manner. "If you'd respect _me_, you wouldn't make me _want__you_ in the first place. How am I supposed to control myself when you're so stunningly _hot_ all the time?"

Kurt raised his index finger at him. "This is the exact same excuse that rapists use to throw all blame on their victims, making the victim feel guilty about looking too good for their own good..."

"Oh, now I'm being compared to a rapist. Thank you very much. But I think you've got something mixed up, because I'm not sure about who's the victim here. Right now I don't even know why you're mad at me. If you don't want me to kiss you, fine, you just need to say so and I will do my best to _never__touch__you__again!_"

"You're such a jerk, Blaine," Kurt huffed. "You know how much I _love_ kissing you. But that doesn't make me your toy boy and there's still a difference between..."

"Guys, seriously?" Shane interrupted Kurt's rant, apparently tired of life. "Are you listening to yourself fighting? You're basically telling each other how much you love and desire the other one and then you get mad about that?"

Now Kurt turned his glare to Shane and talked to him like a teacher to an imprudent pupil. "I am mad at your brother, _because_ he takes great pleasure in teasing me in public. And you, Shane Anderson, are even worse, making fun of us and stirring the pot with your silly comments..."

"Come on, you like being told how hot you are, don't you?" Shane cut in again with a laugh.

Kurt placed both hands on his hips and stared Shane down. "By saying stuff like that you're simply reducing me to a sex object."

"Kurt, don't you think you're overreacting a bit here?" Blaine tried to interfere and calm things down.

"I'm overreacting on this matter as much as I want to!" Kurt shot back. "And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and look after Reed and see if any permanent damage is done."

With a huff Kurt turned and left the room, not even knowing himself why he was so damn mad at his boyfriend.

~ o ~ o ~

The loud clang of glasses at a table nearby got him back to reality and back into the crowded place of the _South__Side__Johnny__'__s._

"What were you thinking of?" Burt asked and finished his meal, wiping his mouth with a paper napkin. "You seemed kinda spaced out there for a moment."

"Nothing," Kurt replied and felt his cheeks getting warm. After all, thinking of Blaine kissing and touching him was kind of a very inappropriate memory to linger on while sitting with his father.

Kurt had apologized to Blaine later that afternoon for being such a bitch and making mountains out of molehills. And Blaine had been sorry for groping him in a sort of public place and had practically _begged_ him to keep on wearing tight jeans. Of course they had made up, and then made out in Blaine's room, until Shane had shown up again to camp in his brother's room for the night.

Apart from this stupid argument the rest of the weekend had been fun, actually.

Watching Reed getting flustered by Shane's not so subtle advances over and over again…

Blaine trying to keep his hands off Kurt, but failing ever so miserably…

Kurt teasing Blaine on purpose by brushing past him and giving him alluring glances…

Actually he loved playing this game with Blaine. It was just when situations got serious that he would panic and realize he wasn't ready for sex yet. Or anything too much sex-related.

With a sigh Kurt checked his watch.

An hour had passed and Shane still hadn't shown up.

Kurt started rubbing small circles into his right temple as he felt a headache building up.

His mind lingered on the short encounter with Shane earlier.

Of course, Kurt had been aware beforehand that it would be better for him to keep his head low and approach Shane rather secretly and kind of disguised and not presenting himself to everybody as Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson's flamboyant boyfriend from Lima, Ohio. However, he didn't know what to expect once he actually had tracked Shane down to interview him.

But now that he was here and had actually met Shane, he was so scared.

There had been something in Shane's eyes that terrified Kurt, something he couldn't define. But the second Shane had recognized him, Kurt had felt like the boy in front of him had wanted to run away or break down on the spot.

It had seemed like Blaine's brother had gathered up all his composure not to start crying in front of him and the others, like just seeing Kurt had activated a button inside of the boy and caused to crumble his facade. And Kurt was sure that Shane was keeping up a facade. There was no way he was truly dating that brunette or enjoying the company of those hockey guys.

And then there was the way Shane had made up a stupid story to cover up Kurt's identity. Like he was scared that someone recognized him and then he'd be in trouble...

Suddenly Kurt felt his heart thumping panicky in his chest.

What if whatever had happened to Blaine had changed his brother?

What if whatever Shane had to tell him was unbearable?

What if…?

And Kurt suddenly realized he couldn't do this. He couldn't talk to Shane, because it would hurt too much. And he couldn't stand any more pain right now.

Kurt stood up abruptly, swaying slightly and bracing himself on the table. "He's not coming. Let's go, Dad. We're leaving."

"Woah, wait!" Burt looked at his son in utter confusion. "Sit back down, will ya? Give him another five minutes."

"No, I changed my mind," Kurt announced with a tremble in his voice. "I don't want to talk to him anymore."

"Kurt, I said sit down," Burt repeated with a calm but firm voice and Kurt obeyed reluctantly.

"We haven't come all this way for you to chicken out now," Burt locked eyes with him and gave him an encouraging smile. "I tell you, we're not leaving before we haven't talked to this kid. And if he's not coming, we'll go and track him down. But we're going to talk to him."

"I'm sorry, Dad, but I can't." Kurt shook his head and sounded defeated. "This was a stupid idea. I'm sorry. Please, let's just go and forget about it."

"Why?" Burt tried to make sense of Kurt's sudden change of mind. "Come on, talk to me, Kurt. Why do you wanna leave?"

"Because," Kurt heaved a breath, "I'm scared of what I'll hear. What if Shane tells us something really, really horrible has happened to Blaine? What… what if…just, Dad, _what__if_? I'm not sure that I can handle any of this."

"You don't have to." Burt reached over the table and squeezed his hand assuringly. "We'll handle this together."

Burt watched his son's face blanch as he stared straight ahead to the entrance.

Burt turned in his seat to see that Shane Anderson had just come in.

~ o ~ o ~

I hope you liked this chapter, although nothing really happened. The next chapter will be intense, though, so enjoy the fluff as long as you can. ;)

Also, if you want to learn more about Reed and Shane, there're these amazing websites:

**daltonacademy. wikia. com/wiki/Shane**

**daltonacademy. wikia. com/wiki/Reed_Van_Kamp**

**warblerland. weebly. com/shane-anderson1**

**warblerland. weebly. com/reed-van-kamp1**

**(everything without the spaces). **

These fansites are just amazing, considering they mostly emerged from just one fanfiction. Also on these sites you can read a lot of facts given on all of the Dalton Academy characters. I hope you understand why I love Reed and Shane so much that I just had to write about them ;)

**My favorite facts about/quotes of REED are:**

He's very giving and kind, and doesn't believe in himself enough, mostly due to his mother seeing any hobby other than fashion design as a waste of his time.

When someone asks what a loud noise was, he responds with "I fell into something?" XD

"Kurt has a thing for scarves, meanwhile I have a thing for coats. Maybe it's because thick coats act like cushions for when I inevitably trip over."

After meeting Shane Anderson he becomes romantically attracted to him, though still unsure of his orientation.

**My favorite facts about/quotes of SHANE are:**

He mainly dances to lose himself in the music and forget the world.

He says meeting Reed was like having Christmas come early. And when Reed smiled at him, he was gone.

Shane on his hair: "What do you mean my hair's a mess? It always looks like this. I don't do anything to it to make it particularly messier or neater, it's just THIS."

His life mission is to find Blaine's hair gel stash and dump it in his shoes. XD

~ o ~ o ~

**Songs in this chapter:**

No songs again! Duh! But I have a whole bunch more songs figured out for future chapters already. So I can tell you that at some point later in the story Blaine will be singing _Closer __to __the __edge_ and Kurt will be singing _My __Man_! :D

**Next chapter: **

Kurt and his father talk to Shane and learn about what happened at the Anderson home over Christmas. Also Kurt meets someone he hadn't expected to ever meet again...

**Make a girl happy and review :)**


	18. Brothers III

**Author's Note:**

**Wahey guys! :) Thank you for all your great reviews! I really appreciate each and every review and I love you guys so much! :D**

**This chapter was really, really hard to write and I hope I got it right and that you like it. Who would've thought talking to Shane would be so hard? Phew... **

**Warning: Spoilers! **

**In case you haven't read CP Coulter's amazing 'Dalton' yet, but intent to do so, Shane will talk about some stuff in this chapter that is only revealed in 'Dalton' in chapter 18! So, if you don't want me to spoil all the fun, go ahead and read CP's work up to ch. 18 and then return over here again. Or just stay with me, read this chapter and forget all about it again. ;)**

**MissScarlett21: I've put a little surprise in this chapter just for you to say _thank-you_ for your support over the past few weeks and how much I appreciate your wonderful comments. You'll know it's for you when you read it and I really hope you like it. ;)**

**So, this is part THREE of the three-part 'Brothers' chapter. **

~ o ~ o ~

For a moment Kurt just watched Blaine's brother at the door. The usually bouncy, overexcited and happy boy looked around with an insecure gaze. His shoulders were slumped down and he seemed to hunch to avoid being noticed. Somehow he reminded Kurt of a deer that got wind of the wolves surrounding it and carefully tried to get around them. When Shane's searching gaze drifted in his direction, Kurt stood up to get his attention.

He noticed the way Shane's face lit up when he saw him and felt a stone lift from his heart. After all, this was still Blaine's little brother and whatever has happened, they would always have one thing in common: they loved Blaine unconditionally and would do anything to help him.

Shane came over with a sad smile plastered upon his face. "Hey Kurt," he said softly and his words almost drowned in the background noise of the restaurant. Then he leaned in and wrapped his arms firmly around Kurt's neck to hold him. The boy was a few inches taller than Kurt and had the slim shape of a ballet dancer, but his arms were strong and his embrace tight. Kurt patted Shane's sides and waited a moment before saying, "Shane, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me breathe."

Reluctantly Shane let go of him and stepped back. "Sorry 'bout earlier. I almost didn't recognize you in these clothes."

Kurt noticed how Shane's eyes were wandering to the fading bruises on his temple and cheek. "What happened to your face?" Shane raised a hand to carefully touch the bruises on Kurt's face, but Kurt turned away. "I'm not here to talk about me," he simply answered. "Please, take a seat."

Sitting back down, Kurt took the seat next to his father while Shane slid onto the bench of the booth, facing both of them. The boy took off his watch cap and strands of his curly dark hair fell freely into his hazel-green eyes. Obviously he wasn't addicted to hair gel like his brother.

Burt watched the boy closely, taking in the clear change of his behaviour compared to the situation in the school's parking lot. The way he was now was definitely more to Burt's liking. Also it was quite noticeable how the teenager resembled his older brother much in features, but clearly not much in manners. While Blaine was always very polite and accurate, Shane apparently was more easy-going.

"Hiya!" The boy nodded at Burt. "How's it going?"

"Dad, this is Shane Anderson, Blaine's younger brother," Kurt introduced him. "Shane, this is my Dad."

"Woah, you're Kurt's dad?" Now Shane bent across the table to shake Burt's hand. "How cool is that? I've heard a lot about you, Mr Hummel. You're, like, our hero!"

"What?" Burt asked confused and chuckled. "What have I done to be your hero?"

"You know, Blaine told me how much you support Kurt and especially how great you reacted when Kurt told you he was gay," Shane explained while he shrugged out of his jacket and pulled his scarf off. "We totally wish our dad was more like you, but that's not likely ever going to happen!"

"Why? How did your father react when he found out about Blaine?"

Burt instantly regretted his question, when he saw the boy in front of him shrink in on himself, visibly trying to stay cool about everything concerning his brother, when really it was eating him up from the inside.

"He... well, he beat the living crap out of him..." Shane nodded slowly at the memory and drew a breath. "And, well, yeah... he also smashed half the furniture of the living room while doing so… Blaine had to get stitches, because he was thrown into the gun cabinet... and I will never forget all the blood..."

Shane shuddered and raked a hand through his dark curls.

Burt shared a look with Kurt and noticed that his son didn't look surprised or shocked by this story, just _incredible_ sad. So he guessed that Kurt already knew the horrible story of Blaine's coming out, and it dawned on him just why Kurt was so obsessed with Blaine's father being a liar and being the bad guy. After all, if the man had treated his son with such violence before, he couldn't be trusted to really care about his son _now_, could he?

"I'm sorry to hear that," Burt said with sincere sympathy for the boy. "I heard that your father wasn't _okay_ with Blaine being gay, but I didn't know that he was such a homophobe."

"My Dad is many things, but most of all he's a dumbass," Shane muttered and looked around the place nervously. "You shouldn't have come," he suddenly said and caught Kurt's eyes. "You shouldn't be here."

"Why not?"

Shane leaned forward in a confidential manner. "I'm being observed. It's not easy for me to sneak away. My new so-called friends are supposed to watch me and report everything I do. I was lucky enough to be able to distract them, so I could meet you here. But when I get back, Devon's gonna grill me about where I've been. That is, if he's not on my trail already."

"Who's Devon?"

"Someone I used to consider a friend," Shane sounded bitter. "But ever since he's started working for my dad that's passé. Now he's like my personal stalker."

The waitress interrupted them by asking for Shane's order. The three of them ordered soda pop and the waitress scribbled some notes down on her pad and left again.

Kurt folded his arms tight across his chest. He opened his mouth, but found that he couldn't speak. _How__'__s __Blaine? __Where __is __he? __What __happened __to __him? _He wanted to voice those questions, but he dreaded the answers too much.

A long minute passed in silence until Burt felt like starting the conversation. "Okay then, Shane, I guess you can imagine what we came here to talk about." He rested his arms on the table and looked at Blaine's brother, who nodded slowly, but avoided to meet their eyes and remained silent.

"Guys," Burt said with a sigh after another moment in stillness went by. "I know this isn't easy to talk about, but..."

He was interrupted again by the waitress who brought their soda pop. She put three glasses in front of them and as soon as she retreated, Burt shot his son a pointed look. They hadn't come all this way just to sit and stare at Blaine's brother. If Kurt wasn't gonna ask the questions that had haunted him over the past few weeks _now_, then...

"Reed says hi," Kurt finally managed. "He is irritated that you don't contact him anymore."

"Well, yeah, say hi back to him," Shane answered, again apparently trying to act more casual than he actually felt.

"That's it?" Kurt's voice suddenly had a sharp edge to it. "That's all you have to say?"

"I guess." The boy bit his bottom lip.

Kurt glared at him, his eyes on fire. "Do you have _any__idea_ what it feels like when the person you care about all of a sudden cuts off all strings?" His voice was burning while he tried to keep it low in an attempt not to raise the curiosity of the surrounding people.

"You know that Reed has a low self-esteem, Shane. Why do you do this to him? First you pay more attention to him than he can possibly handle, and when he finally starts liking you back, you dump him! Do you know how painful it is to be left in the dark by the person you like? You just disappeared from one day to the next and never call or text and even refuse to talk to him on the phone for one second? That's low, Shane Anderson, that's really, really low."

"I didn't think he'd miss me that much," Shane offered meekly, clearly feeling down about it.

"Call him and find out," Kurt replied. Although he wasn't really _that_ sure about Reed's feelings and apparently had put more of his own distress into his accusatory monologue. "That is, if you're not somehow committed to that pretty brunette you held in your arms earlier."

Shane shook his head. "She's not my girlfriend, okay? Well, not _really_. Look, I try to act all straight so my Dad won't find out about me."

Kurt just snorted at this while Burt tried to keep a straight face. He'd been a bit puzzled by the conversation about Reed until it had dawned on him that Shane was gay, too. Kurt had failed to supply that piece of information to him. And really? Wow! Two gay sons and a homophobic father? That just screamed for a family tragedy!

Shane leaned forward again to get his seriousness across. "I don't do it to save my own skin, Kurt."

"Really?" Kurt raised an eyebrow at the boy. "You're saving your own skin for about two years now."

Burt was astonished by the unusual harshness in Kurt's voice and the way Shane flinched at his words.

"I _know_, Kurt! Do you think I don't feel like shit about it? I've always wanted to finally come out to take all the pressure off of Blaine. But I can't do it _now_, because I'm scared of what might happen to Reed. I don't want him to get hurt. Dad has asked me about him already, because there have been like a hundred texts from him on my phone. Luckily just _normal_ texts, nothing compromising. But I don't want to raise any suspicions. Not when Reed's safety is on the line."

"What are you saying?" Burt demanded with a frown. "Your father would hurt your friend if he found out he was gay?"

Shane sat back and chewed on his lip again. He looked Kurt up and down and his voice sounded rough and strangled when he finally spoke.

"What happened to you, Kurt?"

"Some stranger beat him up on New Year's," Burt said, knowing it'd be too hurtful for Kurt to voice those words himself. "He's been to hospital almost a week with broken ribs and a severe concussion. The police thinks it was some drunk stranger who hates homosexuals and just happened to have crossed Kurt's way. But I think it looked like it was planned. It was kinda odd that this guy _waited_ for him at our front door and _knew_ his name."

"Oh holy shit," Shane whispered and his face contorted into a mask of pain and sorrow. "I'm so sorry you got involved in this. I... I just didn't think Dad would truly take it out on you..."

This had Burt listen up.

"You saying your father would come for Kurt and beat him up?"

"Well, not in person," Shane said slowly and again his eyes darted around the room, as if making sure no one listened in on them. "He'd have someone come and do the dirty work for him. And seeing what happened to you, Kurt… I doubt that you've been attacked by a stranger. My Dad finding out about Blaine's relationship with you and you being attacked a week later… I don't believe in coincidence. Do you understand now why I can't see Reed anymore? I can't risk anything to happen to him."

Burt leaned forward and addressed Shane with a serious face. "Would you tell the police what you just told us?"

"Woah, no way!" Shane instantly shook his head with clear horror in his eyes. "You will never be able to prove that _this,_" he gestured at Kurt, indicating his bruises, "was my Dad's doing. And it will do no one no good if I spoke up against him on just a guess." Shane turned to Kurt once again with apologetic eyes. "Although it's a pretty good guess. I'm so sorry that you were hurt so badly."

"Well, at least _this_ is not your fault," Kurt offered with a shrug.

"But in the end _everything__'__s_ my fault, isn't it?" Shane said, staring down at his hands miserably. "Everything that has happened to Blaine over the past two years, all he had to suffer on my account... I should be where he is now! I should be the one in this goddamn facility! But I was too scared to stand up for him and... he took it all for me. Just like back then, just like he always had."

The boy wiped at his eyes, a picture of plain grief and sorrow.

Burt was completely confused by now. He looked sideways at Kurt, who was clenching a paper napkin and clearly fought between compassion and anger. There was no doubt that Kurt knew what Shane talked about and what exactly happened two years ago, but Burt wasn't sure if it was his place to ask.

"How is he?" Kurt's voice was almost not audible in the noise of the room. But finally the question was on the table and Kurt watched Shane intently, bracing himself for the worst.

"I don't know," Shane answered, avoiding Kurt's gaze.

Kurt blinked several times. He had expected a lot of things, but he hadn't expected the answer to be this unsatisfying.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

Shane shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I haven't spoken to him since... well, since the day we got home for Christmas... and then he got admitted to this facility... and Valerie's the only one who's allowed to see him."

Kurt narrowed his eyes. "Who's that?"

"Valerie McVaughn. We were friends, sort of." Shane shrugged. "She's also Devon's sister. The McVaughns moved into our neighborhood a few years ago and our parents are friends ever since. Val and Dev are just two or three years older than Blaine and me, so we used to hang out with them on weekends and on holidays. I kinda had a crush on Valerie when I first met her. She's freaking beautiful, so you can't blame a gay teen to crush on her. But she'd always had a thing for Blaine. They got along pretty well."

"Why is she allowed to see Blaine and you're not?"

Shane shrugged again. "Dunno. Dad is really fond of her... well, not in the sense that he has the hots for her. I guess she's like the daughter he always wanted. Also she's smart and witty and wants to be a lawyer one day, too, so that's why Dad likes her and offered her a position as his assistant. And now she takes care of everything he doesn't want to deal with."

"They both work for your father?" Burt asked, apparently he found this rather odd.

"Yeah, I guess. Devon's a big guy, so he works as Dad's personal bodyguard on occasions. He's not a brainiac, but he's not dumb, either. He knows if he sticks around his sister he's in for a big piece of the pie." Shane snorted. "We used to play basketball in the yard together, now he's stalking me."

"Talking about stalkers… Do you know who could want Kurt to stop reaching out for Blaine?" Again Burt watched the boy closely, but there was nothing to see but a large question mark on Shane face.

"What do you mean?"

"I've been receiving text messages telling me to turn around and give up," Kurt explained. "It was someone who knew I was on my way to talk to you."

Shane shook his head, clearly baffled. "I have no idea."

"What happened to Blaine's phone?" Kurt leaned forward to catch Shane's words as it got rather loud at the table next to them.

"Dad took our phones away and gave us new ones with new numbers. That is, I got a new phone, Blaine didn't. He's not allowed to call anyone. I don't know what dad did with the old ones, threw 'em away I guess."

Kurt pursed his lips. His guess had been that the person who wrote him got his number off Blaine's phone. But he couldn't imagine that it was Blaine's father who threatened him with text messages. After all Mr Anderson seemed to have more style than getting down on the level of keying texts.

"What is this facility?" Kurt turned the main focus back on the important stuff. "What are they doing to him there?"

Shane swallowed hard and shook his head. "I don't know exactly. But as I understand from what Valerie told me, they're trying to get the gay out of him."

Kurt's fingers, that were threaded around the glass, tightened at the joints. "But ... I don't understand. Why _now_? Your father knows for _two_ _years_ that Blaine is gay, why does he take such drastic measures now all of a sudden?"

Shane slumped back into his seat and sighed helplessly. "All I know is that Dad had heard a rumor about Blaine dating someone from Dalton. I guess he was kinda okay with the gay thing as long as Blaine wasn't screaming into the world that he was gay. But when he heard that Blaine had started dating another guy, I think he felt like he had to end this before it got known. Reputation is _everything_ to our father."

"Yes, I figured out as much," Kurt acknowledged with a snort. "I read that interview where he makes it sound like Blaine was straight and couldn't stand being a student at a _gay __school_."

"Yeah, read that, too. It's hilarious!" Shane chuckled, but it was a shallow sound.

"When will Blaine get out again?"

"Dunno."

"Brilliant. What can we do to help him?" Kurt asked restrained.

"There's nothing we can do," Shane answered and shrugged helplessly for the hundredth time. "I've already checked and it's not illegal to have your kid admitted to a facility like this as long as a doctor agrees to it. And to make things worse, if the doctors say Blaine isn't well enough to cope with his life on his own, Dad can decide about Blaine's whereabouts until he's twenty-one. This means if Dad is serious about this, he can make Blaine stay there for the next three years! I just don't know what to do, Kurt."

Shanes fingers drummed nervously on the table as silence grew between them.

"Tell him that you're gay, too," Kurt suggested out of the blue.

"What?" Shane looked at him as if he was insane.

"He can't put both of you out of the way. People will start talking. He can't afford to be blamed of locking both his sons away. If you want to help Blaine, you _must_ tell your father."

"He'll be furious," Shane pointed out with a tremble in his voice. "He'll go after Reed, just like he went after you."

"There's no connection between you and Reed. You're going to different schools. You didn't officially date, you didn't even kiss, as far as I know. But the question is, do you want it to stay this way? Do you want to pretent to be straight for the rest of your life just to please your father, because you're afraid of him? Would you give up on Reed for a fake life? Would you give up on your brother, just to rescue your own skin?"

"You don't understand this, Kurt."

"Right, I don't understand any of this! All I do understand is that you're a coward!"

"Yeah, I am, okay! I'm scared shitless! I wish I had some courage. But I'm no more than a pathetic wuss."

"Your self-pity isn't helping Blaine," Kurt pointed out merciless.

"I know," Shane answered and hung his head. "I know."

"So, this facility... where is it?" Kurt asked.

"I can't tell you. It wouldn't help you anyway if I told you. It's not like an open hospital where you can walk in and out as you please. It's like a fortress. Every visitor gets checked out worse than at an airport. And it would be just pointless for you to stand outside the building and wave at every window."

"Just... tell me where he is, Shane. You don't need to give me a house number, at least tell me which town."

"He's not in Ohio anymore, okay? He's in L. A. and in case you don't know, that's one heck of a big city, and this facility isn't in the yellow pages! Kurt, you can't just go there and see him."

"Yeah, I get it that your father won't put me on the _allowed __visitor__'__s __list_. Okay, fine, I get it that I can't go there. But _you_ can!"

Shane shook his head. "Dad won't allow me to see him."

"Shane, have you even _tried_ to see him? You're his brother! Don't ask nicely for it. Demand it! Your father can't keep you away. Go there and tell him you want to see your brother! Make a scene if necessary!"

"I can't… I'm scared," Shane confessed and when he met Kurt's disapproving glare he hurried to add, "No, not about confronting dad, but about actually seeing Blaine and talking to him... What if he's changed, what if he doesn't recognize me or something? Because Val told me he's kept super sedated and… I don't know…"

"Listen," Kurt's voice softened with understanding. "I totally understand how scary all this is for you, but this is not about how scared _you_ are. Take all the fear and panic you're feeling right now and imagine how much _worse_ Blaine must be feeling right now! He's somewhere in a scary facility, all alone, closed off of the people he loves and trusts. Can't you see how abandoned he must feel?"

Shane rubbed his neck and nodded woefully at Kurt's words.

"You're his brother. Blaine _needs_ you now, Shane. Don't put your own pain over his. If you were in his place, Blaine would do _anything_ to get to you and help you."

"That's the irony of it all, isn't it?" Shane let out a bitter laugh. "I _should_ be the one in his place right now. It should be me who's getting brainwashed, after all it's my fault that my brother's life turned so goddamn miserable…"

"Now, wait a sec, Shane, I'm not quite following," Burt cut in gently. "Why do you think all this is your fault? Because whatever you feel so guilty about, I'm sure it can't be as bad as you make it sound."

"Thanks," Shane said and looked gratefully at Kurt's father. "But what I did was bad. It's my fault that Blaine came out to our father, although he wasn't ready for it yet. You know, I had a boyfriend two years ago," Shane said with a sad smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I brought Micah home one afternoon when our parents were out and we… well, we made out on the couch in the living room… Blaine was home, too, but upstairs in his room and…"

Kurt reached out to squeeze Shane's hand on the table. "You don't need to dive into this old story, Shane. I'm sorry I said you were only saving your own skin," Kurt shook his head slightly. "I _know_ that's not true."

"No, it's okay, Kurt. I wanna tell your dad. He came with you, so at least he should know the whole story right from the beginning."

"You sure, buddy?" Burt folded his hands on the table and gave the boy a questioning look.

"Yeah, I'm sure. You're cool Mr Hummel. I guess I can tell you about it, no big deal." Shane said with a shrug and shifted in his seat, he just couldn't sit still.

"Now, where was I? Oh, right, we were making out and after a while I went into the kitchen to get us something to drink just when our parents came home early. The first thing dad saw was my boyfriend half naked on the couch… and Blaine who just happened to come down the stairs… and dad was like, _What __the __fuck__'__s __going __on?_ And I was frozen in the kitchen, I wanted to get out there, really, I wanted to, but I simply couldn't move, and Blaine saw me and signed me to stay where I was… and then he told Dad that he was gay and that Micah was _his_ boyfriend…"

Lost in the memory, Shane was clutching on his glass of soda like his life depended on it. "Dad threw Micah out of the house and a few days later I learned that he'd also contacted his parents and I don't know what he threatened them with, but they had Micah moved out of town and I haven't seen or heard a word from him ever since."

Shane shrugged like he didn't care, but it visibly tore at him. "And Blaine… Dad beat him up so bad that day… Mom just stood there watching while I was still hiding in the kitchen, listening to dad raging… and too scared to move one finger… and only when Blaine started bleeding from being thrown into the gun cabinet, Mom stopped him…" Shane's voice trailed off and his eyes swelled up with tears.

"Every day since then I told myself I would come out to our father to take the pressure of Blaine, but Blaine didn't want me to. He knew I was too scared and he said he'd cover for me, because he didn't want me to get hurt, too..."

"Because he loves you," Kurt confirmed with a nod. "But I think it's about time for you to show some courage. If not for yourself, you gotta do it for Blaine."

Shane nodded silently. He hung his head and tore at his hair.

"So your dad seems to have quite a bad temper," Burt said through gritted teeth, trying to suppress his anger at that man who treated his sons like disobedient dogs and had them fear him rather than love him. "Is that what he did on Christmas, too? Bashing your brother, because he found out about him dating Kurt?"

Kurt flinched slightly at the image of Blaine getting hit by his father again.

Shane let out a heart-wrenching sigh and glanced at them from out of the curtain that was his hair which he had pulled into his face.

"What happened when you got home for Christmas, Shane?" Kurt asked gently, but prompting. "Tell us what _really_ happened."

~ o ~ o ~

Shane chewed on his bottom lip again. "I was really looking forward to Hawaii, you know? I love surfing and I love hanging out with Blaine, so I figured it'd be fun. Also I thought Dad inviting us for a trip to the beach was a good sign, like he was trying to mend family ties with us, you know?" His eyes turned dark. "Well, we didn't see Hawaii this year."

Shane took a swig of his soda and looked around the place. "Blaine came straight from Lima to pick me up from the airport and he told me that he'd spend the night at your place, in _your_ bed, and… really, Mr Hummel, you're letting them bunk together? How cool is that? Wow! God, I was so jealous. I wish I had a boyfriend, even if he was frigid and nothing spectacular would happen, but just being able to hold someone in the night sounds pretty awesome to me."

"Did he seriously say I was frigid?" Kurt asked with his voice dangerously rising.

"No, he just said nothing happened apart from sharing a bed. I just figured…" Shane shrugged with a wicked grin.

"You're such an idiot, Shane," Kurt growled.

Shane shrugged again. "I hear that a lot."

"I bet you do."

Burt noticed how the two boys kept switching to easy conversation and preferred to avoid the deeper cutting stuff. However, if they kept going on like this, they'd still be sitting and talking here next week – and Burt guessed Shane didn't have that much time. So he decided to stop the bickering and get their focus back on the real thing.

"So, you didn't go on that trip to Hawaii?" Burt resumed the conversation.

"No, Dad had something else in mind. He never meant to make that trip with us in the first place. He just wanted both of us to return home. Considering that it was the first holidays without our Mom, who already said she wouldn't come to Newark for Christmas, he may have figured we would abandon him, too. And I don't know why, but Blaine had already suspected something was off, because when he picked me up from the airport, the first thing he told me – apart from having slept in your bed, Kurt, _without_ doing the nasty, I still don't get why by the way – uh, well, he told me that he'd rather run away than drive home."

"He told me he had a bad feeling, too," Kurt whispered, but his words drowned in the noise of the room. He remembered the way Blaine had freaked out at his sheer suggestion to meet his father to smooth things out by getting to know him. He remembered Blaine saying he'd never let Kurt anywhere near his father and that he didn't want to let his father find out about them. He remembered the tone of pure panic in Blaine's voice when he had said those words. If only he'd never let Blaine go that day... if only Blaine had stayed with him...

"So, we got home, thinking we only had about an hour to get our stuff packed for leaving for Hawaii, but the second we came through the door we got ambushed. Devon was there and positioned himself in front of the door after we got in, so we couldn't run away, and Dad welcomed us by saying, _You __two, __hand __over __your __cell __phones __and __your __bags __right __away!_ and I was like, _What __the __fuck __is __going __on?_ And when we refused, Devon searched us both roughly, turning our pockets inside out like customs investigators at an airport looking for drugs. I tried to fight him, because, _seriously_? We're coming home for freaking Christmas and first thing we're being ambushed and robbed of our stuff? _Well, __fuck __you!_"

Burt noticed a few heads turning at the next table, clearly minding Shane's language, but he didn't care. He'd heard worse cursing in bars before. Also the background noise was still loud enough to drown most of Shane's words anyway. So Burt concentrated on the boy again, who was shaking his head in distress, apparently feeling angry and helpless at the memory, and turned the cold glass of soda in his hands.

"So I told Dad he couldn't do this to us and I tried to get Devon the hell off me, but he yanked my arm back until it hurt so dang much and I couldn't help but scream out in pain and Blaine was all like, _okay, __okay, __take __our __stuff, __just __leave __Shane __alone!_ So they took all our stuff away, phones, wallets, our bags and jackets. Then we were shoved into the living room, where we were told to sit down and not make a sound like we were criminals under suspicion of a crime. We didn't even have a clue what was going on. Nobody told us anything!" He reached for the napkin dispenser and began tearing papers apart with angry moves.

"We had to sit down and... he didn't even ask us anything! I mean our dad's a lawyer, shouldn't he be interrogating us if he wanted to get some information? It was like he expected us to lie to him anyway, so no use in actually _asking_ us any questions or even tell us what he thought we'd done wrong! I mean, how could he treat us like that?"

The boy sounded so hurt and disappointed that it tore at Burt's heart. If he had known that Blaine's father was gonna pull this kinda shit, he would've insisted that the boy stayed at their house. But that's the way it always was, wasn't it? You just never knew such things until it's too late.

"So, Blaine and I settled into the couch with Dev standing behind us watching our backs while Dad and Val searched through all our stuff…"

"Wait, this Valerie was there, too?" Kurt gave him a narrowed-eye look.

"Sure she was," Shane said and looked like he wanted to spit out. "And she's such a bitch. Dad wouldn't have found _anything_ if she hadn't pointed it out to him, because he's completely at a loss with all this internet stuff. At his office he's got a secretary so he never bothers to look at his computer."

"And what exactly were they looking for?" Burt asked while watching the pile of torn paper growing in front of Shane.

"Their focus was mainly on Blaine's stuff. First they looked through our phones and of course dad found all your text messages, Kurt, and some pictures of you on Blaine's phone and figured you were the guy he dated. And then they checked his laptop and, well, I guess you remember the pictures David took of you and Blaine kissing in the assembly hall with all the other students around?"

Kurt nodded miserably. Somehow he had known these photos would mean trouble the instant they were taken. However, he couldn't blame David for taking pictures of them and posting these on his blog. After all, it was what David did for all of his friends and Blaine had loved being a _normal_ couple in the eyes of his friends, like there was nothing wrong with being gay and showing pictures around of them kissing. It had made them both feel normal. But even then Kurt had felt that these pictures would haunt them sooner or later.

"Dad saw the pics on Facebook and he totally freaked out," Shane continued. "He screamed at Blaine, like, _Have __you __completely __lost __your __mind? __Haven__'__t __you __learned __anything? __What __did __I __tell __you __about __taking __care __of __your __reputation?_ But Blaine just shrugged it off and said something like, _I __don__'__t __care, __Dad. __I __am __what __I __am. __Why __should __I __hide? _He acted all unaffected by the screaming, but I saw the fear in his eyes. And believe me, Blaine's pretty good at playing it cool, but I know fear when I see it and he was scared as hell. He would've denied being with you in an attempt to keep you safe, but there simply was no denying with all the proof on the table." Shane twitched his shoulders, trying to relax when he was clearly so tense at the topic.

"By then of course we'd figured out that all this drama was about Blaine being gay, so Blaine told Dad to leave me alone and let me go, because I hadn't anything to do with it, and I looked at Blaine and I wanted to tell Dad right there and then, I really wanted to do it! But Blaine silently shook his head at me. Dad was already mad enough and me coming out would only be putting oil into the fire and we didn't need to make him even more angry than he already was at that point. We both remembered too well the last time Dad had freaked out about this and we didn't want a repeat of that."

Shane went silent for a while and just worked painstakingly on tearing napkins into stripes of the same length.

"And then?" Kurt gently urged him on.

Shane sighed wearily and looked up at Kurt. "And _then_ Dad found _your_ compromising dance video on Blaine's laptop and he _really_ freaked out."

"Excuse me?" Kurt blinked at him in irritation. "What dance video?"

"You know, the one you dance all sexy in tight black clothes?"

Now Burt looked sideways at his son and raised a questioning brow.

"What are you talking about?" Kurt asked absolutely clueless.

"To the song _Single __Ladies_?"

This finally made a bell ring and Kurt's jaw drop onto the floor. "Oh, God, that's from ages ago. How did Blaine get a copy?"

"He told me he got it from a Mercedes… I didn't understand what he meant by that, though. Do you drive a Mercedes?"

"No, Mercedes is the name of my so-called best friend," Kurt grumbled. "I had no clue she gave my private video clips to my boyfriend."

"Well, that clip is super hot. I saw it, too," Shane said with that wicked grin of his. "And Blaine was _addicted_ to it, he simply couldn't stop watching it. I swear whenever I was on the phone with him, I would be talking and talking until I noticed he wasn't answering and of course I would hear Beyoncé singing in the background over and over again. There was no doubt that he was having sex with you in his mind, so I'd rather hung up and left him to his fantasies and..."

Kurt's eyes expanded at Shane. "Could we _please_ return to the topic?"

"Wait a minute," Burt held a hand up and turned with arched brows to his son. "What exactly is that clip about? Just, you know, to get the picture?"

"It's just me dancing, Dad," Kurt assured him a little on edge. "You've even seen me recording it. Do you remember the day you walked in on me in my basement and I was with Brittany and Tina? I wore that black unitard and a sequins vest and I told you we were doing _conditioning __work_?" Kurt air quoted the last words with his fingers. Burt acknowledged that he remembered with a grunt and a nod for Kurt to go on.

"I made you believe that all the guys on the football team wore those unitards and then Brittany told you I was _on_ the football team and then I _had_ to join the football team, because I couldn't tell you that I just loved to dance in tight clothing. But the point is, it was just a bit of dancing and nothing _inappropriate_, I swear. I mean, okay, I _may_ have moved my hips a little suggestive, but I was just copying Beyoncé. And I didn't mean to show the clip to _anyone_ except the girls."

"Well, our Dad wasn't very excited about it," Shane explained and made a face. "He asked who you were and if you were a transexual or some kind of drag queen or something…"

"Geez, I was just dancing to a girl's song! What's so _drag __queen_ about that?" He couldn't believe that this damn video clip had played such a big part in raising Blaine's father's anger.

"… and, you know, Blaine tried to explain that you were just a normal kid and this was just a dance video and no porno. But Dad insisted that no normal kid would dress like that and dance like a woman, and he made it very clear that he didn't want Blaine to see someone like you. He even accused you of luring Blaine into being gay and seducing him and Blaine started laughing at this, because, well, after all he'd told me it was pretty much vice versa in your relationship, with you being the shy one and him the one who keeps trying to get into your pants..."

"I guess we can picture the situation, Shane," Kurt interrupted him and was making awkward head moves towards his father. "No need to get into the _details_. What happened next?"

"Well, Dad didn't like it very much when Blaine started laughing and told him to stop, but I guess Blaine had gone a bit hysterical with the ridiculousness of the whole situation and that it didn't matter what he said anyway, because nothing would change Dad's opinion. So Blaine just slumped into the couch, giggling and shaking his head, which of course drove Dad really mad and he kept shouting at Blaine, _This __isn__'__t __funny, __this __is __serious __business! __I__'__m __trying __to __help __you __here!_ And then Blaine got mad, too, shouting back, _Helping __me? __How __is __jumping __me, __searching __through __my __stuff __and __making __insulting __comments __about __the __person __I __love __helping __me?__"_

Kurt was clutching the front of his shirt, listening intently with his eyes glued on Shane to catch every word he said. His heart was pounding in an unhealthy rhythm by now, skipping a beat every now and then to remind him that this was real and not the nightmare it definitely felt like.

"Then Dad said something like, _You __should __hear __yourself __talk! __Whatever __you __think __you__'__re __feeling __for __this __boy __can__'__t __be __love! __What __does __it __take __to __get __that __into __your __head?_ And Blaine answered, _If __you __care __so __much, __then __maybe __you __should __have __me __brainwashed __until __I__'__m __the __perfect __straight __son __you __always __wanted._ Duh! I mean, how was Blaine to know that Dad would just do that?" Shane pulled at his hair and sighed heartily, hiding his face behind his arms for a moment.

"So you're sure that this _facility_ Blaine's in right now is some kind of rather questionable place where they try to turn gay people into straight people?" Burt felt uncomfortable just thinking about it and he sure as hell hadn't thought that such places still existed nowadays.

"I don't know what this place really is," Shane explained warily. "It's supposed to be some kind of medical treatment center mostly for suicidal cases, but Valerie told me that most patients in there are suicidal, _because_ they're gay, so they try to turn them around to make them feel better about themselves or something."

"If those people feel like killing themselves it's not because they're gay, but because they're being bullied for being gay," Kurt stated passionately. "I'd say _society_ has to change to make people feel better about themselves. However, what they're doing is making _you_ change so the society can feel better about you."

"I'm just scared about what they do to Blaine," Shane confessed with a thin voice. "And if I still recognize him when I see him again."

Shane sounded so completely defeated that Kurt had to swallow hard not to lose it himself. They all had to stay strong for Blaine and he had to show Shane that he needed to keep his spirits up for his brother. "Once he sees you, he'll be fine," Kurt assured him. "Just tell him that you're with him."

Shane still looked doubtful, but nodded at Kurt's words bravely.

"So what else happened the day you got home?" Burt asked. "That wasn't all of it, right?"

"Yeah, I wasn't finished. Uhm, where was I?"

"Blaine just told your dad that he had to have him brainwashed if he wished for a perfect son," Kurt repeated and hugged himself again. He had a foreboding feeling that the story was far from being over and already he dreaded the ending.

Shane made a face. "Oh, right. Well, Dad looked like he was about to punch Blaine for talking back to him. Dad just hates it when someone's being a smartass, and I was afraid that he was gonna hurt him again, so I jumped up and stepped between them and told Dad I wouldn't let him lay a hand on Blaine, but I guess my voice was too shaky and pathetic to let him even hear me or acknowledge me…"

For a second Shane looked like he was going to burst into tears and Kurt held his breath, because he just knew if Shane lost it, he'd lose it, too. But Shane just tore at his hair for about the hundredth time, which was a mess by now anyway, and went on with a dark growl in his voice like Kurt had never heard him talk before.

"…and then I _really_ wanted to throw myself at Dad, because I felt such _hate_ and _anger_ like never before in my whole life, but Devon pulled me back onto the couch and all the time Dad was _screaming_ at Blaine and I don't even remember what he shouted anymore, but I wasn't the only one worried about Blaine getting punched, because Valerie got up and took Dad's arm and told him not to hurt Blaine, _Remember,_ _no __physical __abuse, __Richard! __Nothing __that __leaves __bruises!_ That bitch was worried more about Dad having to face consequences for abusing his kid rather than about Blaine getting hurt!"

Shane reached out to grasp the pile of torn paper and crumpled it with both hands, jamming it with such fierceness until it was a tight ball in his fist.

"You know, Dad knew he could hurt Blaine as much as he wanted, it wouldn't really have an effect on him. So he started threatening him instead. He ordered Valerie to find out who you were and where you lived, Kurt. Then he threatened Blaine to behave and do what he was told unless he wanted anything to happen to _you_."

"He said _that_ in front of all you people?" Burt asked, clearly taken aback. "That makes three witnesses."

"Dev and Valerie won't speak against my Dad," Shane hurried to say, "and my word would count for nothing."

Shane turned his gaze to Kurt again, looking defeated. "Remember when you were bullied by his kid at your school? You have no idea how worried Blaine was about you back then. Knowing that you weren't safe at your school… it just killed him, terrified him to death. You gotta know, we… we have lost a friend to violence before and Blaine would _never_ risk having a friend hurt on his behalf, especially not you, Kurt. So, of course he would agree to do anything that Dad asked of him in order to keep you safe."

"And what did he ask of him?" Kurt's voice was no more than a whisper, but Shane was good at lip-reading.

"He told him to leave Dalton and never see you again."

"And Blaine agreed?"

Shane shifted uneasily in his seat. "No, Blaine tried to reason with Dad, telling him that sending him to another school and making him break up with his boyfriend wouldn't change who he was..." Shane stared down at the table. "...and that Dad shouldn't threaten the safety of an innocent, just because he didn't like who his son was."

"I suppose your father didn't get his reasoning?" Kurt asked with a weak voice.

Shane shook his head slowly and again he looked like he was going to weep any minute. "I guess not. Or else Blaine would never have... done what he's done..."

Kurt furrowed his brow and felt his heart beat anxiously faster. "And what would that be?"

Shane raised his head with an incredulous look on his face. "You mean... you don't know?"

"I just know that your father wants everyone to think that Blaine had wanted to harm himself," Kurt said carefully.

"But he did," Shane said and now there were tears welling up in his eyes. "He did."

Kurt shook his head in denial. "No, no, wait! I feel like we're missing something here. What happened after Blaine tried to talk to your Dad?"

"I was told to go to my room. Dad wanted to talk alone with Blaine," Shane rubbed one hand over his eyes to wipe his tears off. "It was about an hour later when Valerie came to me and said I should go and check on Blaine who was alone in his room. I knocked at his door, but he didn't answer, so I just walked in and said something like, _hey __man, __c__'__mon __talk __to __me, __I __know __this __sucks, __but __we__'__ll __work __something __out_..."

Shane hid his face in his hands and spoke with a terrible choked-up voice. "He was lying on the floor of his bathroom... and wouldn't wake up when I shook him... and there was the bottle of pills on the sink... half empty... and the doctors said it was almost too late. He almost didn't make it..."

Shane's voice broke.

Kurt blinked away the little white lights that were dancing in front of his eyes. He tried to focus on what Shane was saying which was hard to do, because a voice inside his head kept screaming, "No, this can't be, this can't be!"

It was only when Shane turned to look at him with teary eyes that Kurt got aware that he'd actually said it out loud.

"I was there, Kurt! I was the one who found him! I was with him in the hospital, and I was there when the doctor said we had brought him in just in time."

Kurt was still shaking his head back and forth, his voice rough with disbelief. "Who was the last person who saw him? Your father? Something must've happened between them and…"

"What do you wanna hear, Kurt? You think someone _shoved_ those damn pills down his throat? Guess what? Blaine took them all by himself! And he almost _died_ that night! And..."

Kurt didn't hear one more word of what Shane was saying. All of a sudden he felt nauseated and just knew he had to get away from here. With a jerk Kurt got to his feet, staggered for a second against the table and then stumbled towards the restroom in a hurry.

Burt just hesitated long enough to tell Shane to please wait for them before he went after his son. He found Kurt in one of the stalls, bend over and retching.

"Kurt, it's okay, it's alright," he murmured and squeezed into the stall to rub Kurt's back and to hold him steady, afraid that the boy couldn't stay on his feet for long. Kurt braced himself at the water box while puking out diet coke and soda. It didn't take long until his stomach was emptied and his body just trembled with dry retching.

When Burt had agreed to this trip, he had done so, because he had thought it would show Kurt that he was overreacting and worrying about nothing, and that Blaine really was fine and everything turned out harmless. Yeah, he had assumed that it would be kinda hard listening to this story, but he hadn't expected to hear about a homophobic and tyrannic father and a heartless mother who just abandoned her kids and... oh bloody hell!

Burt hadn't expected to find out that the situation was even _worse_ than Kurt had assumed, and most of all he hadn't expected to meet a broken kid who just desperately needed someone to talk to and to show him some sympathy and give him some hope.

Of course Kurt had told him that Blaine's family wasn't perfect, but he hadn't mentioned the extent of _not__perfect_. And now he didn't know what to do, how to handle this situation, and it tore at his heart to see how miserable Kurt was and how helpless and at a loss this Shane-kid.

Kurt flushed the toilet and took some paper to wipe his mouth. He was heaving shaky breaths, leaning against the wall and trying hard to collect himself, when really he felt like the world around him shattered to pieces. No, it wasn't true, it couldn't be true, Blaine wouldn't have taken those pills, he wouldn't have tried to kill himself. No matter what! And Kurt still felt like an important piece of the puzzle was still missing. This couldn't be the whole story…

"C'mon," Burt patted his shoulder and looked at him with worried eyes. "Better now?"

Silently Kurt shook his head. It would never be better again, not until he could see Blaine. He let his father to hold him steady at his shoulders and lead him to the row of sinks. They were both surprised to find Shane standing there, wiping tears from his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Kurt, I shouldn't have yelled at you, I'm so sorry," the boy sobbed and leaned against the sink next to the one Kurt used to wash his mouth and his face.

"I get what you're thinking," Shane went on, "because I couldn't believe it myself. I never would've thought that Blaine would do something like that…"

Kurt was gripping the edge of the sink as his stomach heaved again. He felt like he was going to pass out any minute, but he managed to breathe calmly and to fight back the tears burning in his eyes. _Stay__strong,__stay__hopeful_, he told himself. Shane needed someone to give him courage and not someone who was just another emotional wreck.

"It's okay," Kurt said and drew another deep breath to collect himself. He looked up at Shane and put on some kind of encouraging smile, trying to sound optimistic. "Everything will be okay again, I'm sure."

For a second Shane just stood there, his hazel eyes filled with so much pain and despair that it was hard for Kurt to keep up with his positive attitude. "Shane, I know it's hard..."

And as if he couldn't hold himself back any longer, Shane hurled himself into Kurt's arms with a heartbreaking cry and sobbed hard into his shoulder.

Kurt patted his back and put all his effort into not losing it himself. All these weeks Shane had had no one he could talk to about his fear and worry about his brother. It was no surprise that the dam finally broke loose now and made the younger boy cling to Kurt so desperately.

Kurt tried his best to console him and reassure him that _everything__'__s __gonna __be __okay_, but he wasn't so sure he even felt that way. Right now it didn't seem like anything would be okay anytime soon. Over Shane's shoulder he locked eyes with his father who was a silent witness of this drama.

Seeing how exhausted Kurt was, merely able to stand on his own two feet, let alone carry Shane's weight who leaned heavily on him, Burt reached out to put a fatherly grip on Shane's shoulder. "Hey Shane, talk to me for a sec?"

Shane reluctantly released Kurt of his firm embrace and turned to look at Burt with teary eyes.

"No one blames you for anything, boy, ya hear me? You've done well so far and you've been a good brother to Blaine."

"But I've let him down..."

"No, you haven't and he knows you're on his side. I think it's pretty amazing how the two of you got along together all this time without someone you could talk to. Takes pretty much strength to be able to hold it all inside for so long."

Shane nodded at this and accepted the paper towel Kurt held out for him to dry his eyes with it. "Blaine's always been the strong one... I'm just always the idiot who makes a mess..."

"Shane, what about your mother?" Burt asked carefully. "Just because your parents are divorced doesn't mean your father has the right to push you kids around. Can't you go and stay with her?"

"She doesn't give a shit," Shane said with a shrug. "Even when Blaine was in hospital she just showed up because she was expected to. She told me she wouldn't let Blaine ruin her life and that she'd suffered enough already without him adding a cartload of guilt on her plate."

Burt still held Shane's shoulder and looked him right in the eye when he spoke softly but in a strong voice to the boy. "Well, Shane, I want you to know that even if you feel like the world's turned its back on you, there's still somebody who cares a great deal about you and Blaine, okay? We do, Kurt and me, and I'm pretty sure that my wife would take you in with open arms if you need a place to stay. So if you're feeling that everything's too much and you need to get out, you can turn to us. Anytime. You got that?"

Shane just stood there for a second, blinking. "Really?"

"Yes, really. I mean every word I say."

Shane nodded slowly and dabbed at his eyes once more. "Wow, thank you. But I can't run away now. Kurt's right, I need to go and see Blaine, and if Dad won't let me, I must fight for it. I can't stick my head in the sand any longer."

Kurt sighed, relieved. He handed Shane another paper towel which the boy used to blow his nose. "Please call me as soon as you've talked to him, okay?"

Shane seemed to think about this. "Okay, I'll promise you I'll contact you, but not directly. There's a trace on my phone and each text message I write is checked. Blaine would kill me if he found out that I've put you in danger by contacting you."

"Okay then how about you call David?"

"No, I can't contact anyone from Dalton either." Shane shook his head. "And none of your friends from Lima," he said before Kurt could come up with the suggestion. "No one who's too obvious connected to you."

"Okay, no one too obvious... How about Wesley's girlfriend?" Kurt was thinking loud and his face lit up. "Actually, she's perfect. Wait, I'll call Wes." Kurt got his phone out and made the call. When Wesley answered he didn't waste time for explanations, but went straight to the point.

"Hi Wes, it's Kurt. Listen, I need Erica's phone number."

"What? Why?" The Warbler sounded absolutely surprised. "What's going on?"

"I need someone who Blaine's brother can contact without the person being too obviously connected to Dalton or me. And if Shane calls a girl it's even more perfect. Erica can report any news to you and you can call me."

"Ah, okay, I understand... I think. The only problem is, well, she's kinda mad at me right now, so I'm not sure..."

"What have you done, Wesley?" Kurt asked with an exasperated sigh.

"Why do you suspect that I'm the one who's done something wrong?" Wesley asked a bit annoyed.

"Because Erica's the sweetest, kindest and trustworthiest girl I know and only a douche bag like you could piss her off."

"Well, actually I'm not sure what I've done wrong. She said something weird about not digging my womanizing ways, so what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you'd better go and get some roses for her and apologize for being an idiot who clearly doesn't deserve her. And then tell her we need her to act as an intermediary. Tell her, Blaine's brother will be calling her. She loves Blaine, so she will happily talk to his brother."

"What do you mean she loves Blaine?" Wesley sounded baffled, like he'd missed something.

"No need to get jealous, Wes. Every girl loves Blaine."

"Yeah, I guess you're right about that," Wesley confirmed thoughtful. "Hey, how is he? Have you talked to him yet?"

"No, but Shane will talk to him hopefully soon and then he'll call Erica and let her know."

"Oh, okay. I will tell her. Here's her number..." Wesley told him his girlfriend's number and Kurt repeated it for Shane who keyed it into his phone. "Thanks, Wes. Bye." Kurt hung up and pocketed his phone back into his vest. "Okay, that's settled." He took yet another paper towel from the dispenser next to the sink, wetted it and gave it to Shane. "Here, cool your face with it, you look awful."

"That's 'cause I feel awful," Shane said, his shoulders still slumped down. He turned to look into the mirror and dabbed at his red eyes with the paper. "Shit, there's no denying I cried. Well, at least it'll give me an excuse for when I get back to my lot." At Kurt's questioning gaze, he explained, "I 'll just say I needed some alone-time to bawl my eyes out at how much my life _sucks_."

"Sounds pretty convincing to me," Kurt replied and for a second both boys grinned at each other.

"Wanna go back in?" Burt asked them, and added with a wry smile, "before the waitress starts thinking the three of us wanna sneak out of the window to bail on the check." As if on cue the boys stared up to the small window and shook their heads in unison.

"Nah, we'd better pay," Shane said and Burt was glad to see the boy grinning.

They went for the door and Burt took hold of Kurt's arm as his son seemed a little wobbly on his legs, and seeing how Kurt even _allowed_ him to steady him, he surely was more exhausted than he let on.

As soon as they got out of the restroom, Shane in front stopped short. "Shit, Devon's here," he hissed and ushered them back behind the door. "He shouldn't see us together."

"Then let's just wait until he leaves," Kurt suggested, but Shane shook his head.

"He's standing right beside our table. My jacket's lying there, so he knows I'm here. I'm gonna go with him. Wait until we're gone before you come out, okay?" Shane hugged Kurt again. "Bye, Kurt. And thank you for everything. You're the best boyfriend ever and I will make sure Blaine knows that."

Kurt couldn't say anything back, he just smiled and nodded with sad eyes.

Shane turned to shake Burt's hand, but Burt drew him into a hug. "Keep your head up, Shane. And call us when you need help."

"Thanks Mr Hummel," Shane said and swallowed hard. Burt held him at arm's length and looked him right in the eye. "It's Burt."

"Woah, that's cool. Thanks Burt." With a last grateful glance at both of them, Shane opened the door again and went straight ahead. Kurt couldn't help but inching the door open a little and sneaking a peek through the crack.

A young man with short blond hair and squared shoulders lingered next to their table, waiting for Shane to pick up his jacket. The guy, Devon, was big and intimidating, definitely a Karofsky kind of guy. He didn't seem to talk to Shane at all, he just stood there, his arms folded, waiting for the boy to get going. Shane pulled his jacket on and grabbed his scarf. He left a dollar bill on the table for his soda and hurried outside without looking back once as if not wanting to clue Devon to watch out for the evident two other guests of this table. But Devon did. Before he went after Shane, he looked right over to the restroom door.

Kurt shut the door quickly, hoping he hadn't been seen. His heart was pounding timidly in his chest and he flinched at the sudden touch of his father's hand on his shoulder. "They're gone?"

Kurt nodded slightly. "I think so."

The second he'd seen Devon's face had left him with a weird feeling in his guts. Sure, every Karofsky kind of guy was scary, but there was something else about the man that disturbed Kurt, he just couldn't put a finger on it.

When they returned to their seats, Kurt kept gazing out of the window to catch a look on Shane and his _stalker_ who were lingering next to a SUV in the parking lot.

"Kurt, what is it?" Of course Burt sensed that something was wrong.

"It's nothing," Kurt said slowly, but craned his neck to gaze outside once more. "It's just this guy, Devon, he gives me the creeps. Somehow he's familiar…"

"Familiar? What do you mean? Have you seen him before?"

Kurt shook his head and whispered, "No, but..."

Slowly Kurt rose from his seat and without saying another word he headed for the door. "Kurt? Wait! Damn!" Burt pulled a few bucks out of his wallet and dropped them on the table before hurrying after his son.

With a slow but unwavering stride Kurt crossed the parking lot towards Shane who was still standing next to his car, apparently arguing with Devon.

Burt caught Kurt's arm and made him stop, still a good distance away from Shane. "Kurt, I don't know what you're up to, but Shane said it was better if this guy didn't see us and I agree."

"I know, I just need to…" Kurt's voice trailed off and he resumed walking. Burt stayed close behind him as Kurt kept approaching Shane and placed himself right next to the guy called Devon.

Shane looked at Kurt questioningly with wide eyes. "Yeah?"

"Excuse me…" Kurt began, but he felt a weird panic rise in his chest, standing so close to the man. "I just…" Suddenly it was hard to breathe. There was something about Devon that made him want to run. Now he felt the guy's eyes on him and glanced up to meet his eyes.

Kurt stumbled backwards.

It was the way he had to raise his eyes to meet the other one's.

It was the way the man stood right in front of him with his hands inside the pockets of his dark leather jacket.

But mostly it was something in his eyes that told Kurt that Devon _knew_ who he was.

And not from a picture or a video clip.

Devon wasn't smirking at him or intimidating him with his glare, nothing like Dave Karofsky had used to do when he had bullied him. But there was a hostile look in his eyes, a weird kind of recognition, of _knowing_...

Kurt wrapped his arms defensively around his stomach and his fingernails dug into his arms.

"Are you okay?" Shane watched him clearly bewildered and baffled by the fact that Kurt was approaching him when he knew that he was with the _enemy_.

Burt put a hand on his son's shoulder to let him know he was there, because whatever was going on, Burt could practically see Kurt's heart beating out of his chest. The kid wasterrified and Burt had no idea why. A similar question mark was right on Shane's face.

"A friend of yours?" Devon spoke to Shane and his deep mocking voice trickled down Kurt's spine, diminishing the last drip of doubt. For a moment he closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Although everything inside of him screamed to run and hide, he took a breath and gathered all courage he could muster, which was easier knowing that this time his father had his back.

So he drew himself up tall and proud and faced the guy called Devon.

"I think we have met," Kurt said with a hoarse but determined voice. "I believe I owe you an unforgettable New Year's."

~ o ~ o ~

**Next chapter: **

Please tell me what you want to read. Do you want a Blaine-chapter next? Or the sequel of this? ;)

Just let me know. :)

**Thank you for reading! Review?**


	19. Total eclipse of the heart

**Author's Note: **

**OK, everyone, I was asked if things are going to get better from now on for Kurt and Blaine... uhm... I hate to disappoint you, but things are far from being over and also far from getting any better. Actually in the next chapters everything gets even worse... so I hope you'll forgive me for all the heartbreak and suffering that's yet to come!**

**Please don't hate me after reading this chapter. Believe me, I cried writing it. I've suffered enough already :'(**

**WAIT! Before you read this chapter, get yourself a copy of the song 'Total eclipse of the heart' and listen to it over and over again. **

**I probably shouldn't have done that while writing this... ;)**

~ o ~ o ~

"I think we have met," Kurt said with a hoarse but determined voice. "I believe I owe you an unforgettable New Year's."

Both Shane's and Burt's eyes widened at this.

Devon's hard face, however, didn't give anything away. "Excuse me?"

Burt still had his hand on Kurt's shoulder, but now that he understood what was going on, he moved forward until he was standing between his son and Devon. "Is that the guy, Kurt?"

Kurt nodded ever so slightly. Now that he was sure, he was paralyzed, seized with fear. He hadn't imagined to be meeting the guy who'd assaulted him ever again.

"You did this to Kurt?" Shane asked, clearly stunned by this news, and balled his hands into fists. "Oh my God, I don't even know why I'm surprised! Did Dad hire you to do it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Devon said with a shrug. He just stood there with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his dark leather jacket and an rather annoyed expression.

"Stop lying, Dev!" With a cry Shane lunged at Devon and tried to get a fist into his face, but Devon just shoved him back easily and Shane fell hard against his car.

"Cool down, Shane," Devon told the boy. "You don't know _anything_."

"Hey, how about you try someone your size?" Burt stepped forward, glaring at the young man who just looked him up and down and then shrugged at him.

"I'm not fighting with old men."

"Yeah?" Burt replied with an angry growl. "Well, it's your bad I don't have any reservations towards the guy who bashed up my son!"

Before Devon knew what was happening, Burt had punched him right in the face. Devon staggered backwards and cursed, giving Burt an incredible look. "What the…?"

"Dad, don't! Please, your heart!" Kurt hurled himself at his father, holding him back before Burt could really get into fighting modus. With satisfaction Burt watched how Devon carefully touched his jaw and grimaced painfully. "Good punch, old man."

"Now talk!" Burt barked at him. "I suppose it wasn't your own idea to come to my house on New Year's and play _hit__the__bag_ with my son," Burt said through clenched teeth and put an arm around Kurt's shoulders again, holding him close. "Who hired you?"

Devon moved his jaw and still rubbed the side of his face where Burt's fist had striked him. "Just so you know, I have a waterproof alibi for New Year's."

"Yeah? You can tell the police about your alibi!"

At this Devon straightened up and held his head high. "Good! How about we call the police right now? I'd really like to tell them about this crazy old man punching me for no apparent reason in a public place with lots of witnesses!"

"Dad," Kurt grabbed the back of his father's jacket. "You know I can't proof anything."

"I don't need proof! You say it was him, I believe you!" Burt motioned angrily towards the asshole whom he wanted to kick into jail personally.

"But the police won't believe me," Kurt whispered in an urgent voice. "And I don't want Blaine to get in any more trouble because of me pressing charges against someone close to his father..."

For a moment Burt considered this, then he remembered something that might be counted as a piece of evidence. "You," he pointed straight in Devon's face. "I take it you're the one threatening him with text messages?" Burt didn't notice the way Kurt's head sprang around to look at him questioningly.

"Again, I have no clue what you're talking about," Devon replied with another nonchalant shrug. "I don't know nothing about text messages."

"You saying you haven't been spying on Kurt using Facebook and tracking down our route? You _knew_ we were on our way here to talk to this boy!"

Devon said nothing, he just shrugged and looked indifferently at them as if all this didn't concern him, but Shane stepped forward again. "Show me your phone, Dev," the boy demanded and held his hand out to him. Reluctantly and after a bit of consideration, Devon gave it to him. "Here, to show you my good will, but don't break it."

After checking it, with Burt looking over his shoulder, Shane gave the phone back to its owner, disappointed, but not really surprised. There were just a few text messages in the history of Devon's phone and none of them were compromising. For as long as Shane knew him, Devon had never been the kind of guy to write messages, he used his phone just to make a calls.

"Are we done here?" Devon snarled and stuffed his phone back into his jacket.

"No, I'm not done with you!" Shane shouted at him. "You're a freaking traitor, Dev! We were friends once! How can you turn on Blaine and me like this?"

"And what exactly are _you_ doing here, Shane?" Devon replied with his low deep threatening voice. "Meeting all secretly with _him_!" Devon lay special emphasis on the last word, making it sound like Kurt was some kind of disgusting insect no one would want to get in close range to. "It's his fault that your brother's gone all mental. He's the one who talked Blaine into this gay thing. You should stay away from him by all means!"

"Oh no, don't act like you suddenly cared about Blaine," Shane shouted heatedly. "Or about me for that matter. You're so full of bullshit, Dev, and it all comes out the second you open your mouth! Just admit that it was my Dad who told you to go after Kurt, will ya?"

"All you will hear me saying is that he _deserved_ it," Devon replied with an unexpected passion in his voice, suddenly sounding like a preacher in the pulpit who truly believed in what he was saying. "If it wasn't for this little _slut_, Blaine would be okay today."

Kurt winced at these words and the way Devon glared right down at him as if Kurt was the bad guy in this scenario and not vice versa.

At this point Burt decided that enough was enough. He needed not to hear any more of this crap. So he took a big step into the guy's personal space, not letting himself be intimidated by the fact that the younger man was taller than him.

"What did you just call my son?"

"Is your hearing bad, old man?" Devon talked smartass to Burt. "I'm sure that's something no daddy likes to hear, but you gotta face the truth that apparently your son's a gay slut." Burt was clenching his fists, but Devon expected it and squared his shoulders, ready to fight back.

"No, Dad, don't, it's not worth it," Kurt immediately stepped between them to hold his father back. "Let's go, Dad, please." Kurt shoved his father back, far out of Devon's reach.

Burt tried his best to gulp his anger down. He looked around the parking lot as Kurt pulled him away. People had been gathering already to see what was going on. If he got himself into a fight, it wouldn't take long until somebody called the police. "Will you be okay, boy?" Burt asked Shane, who was still standing next to his car, angry and upset. "Don't worry about me," Shane said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I can handle this idiot."

"Let's just go, Dad," Kurt linked his arm with his father's and led him over to their own car. But the moment they turned to leave, Burt was overwhelmed with a sudden rush of agony. He looked at his son clinging to his side who was so worried and scared, he saw the bruises healing on Kurt's face and had to think of the bruises inside his soul which wouldn't heal as fast.

And then like a flash before his eyes Burt remembered that less than three weeks ago he had found his baby-boy on the steps of their front door, beaten like a dog, and all this time he had wished for his attacker to get punished for what he did to Kurt! And now the guy was right here, calling Kurt hateful names and telling him he deserved it? No, he couldn't let him get away so easily!

With his hands balled tightly into fists Burt turned around again and lunged at Devon, aiming right at his face and hit home. Devon was taken by surprise and tried to get away and out of this father's fury, but Burt kept going at him, wanting to hurt this guy just as much as he'd hurt his son. He managed to place a few good blows, but then Devon regained his energy and shoved Burt back. "Get off me!"

"Stop it, Dad, stop it!" Kurt clung at him at first opportunity and Burt couldn't go on with Kurt in the way. He noticed with satisfaction, however, that Devon looked bad. His right eye was swelling and his lip bleeding, and he held his nose, which hopefully was broken.

"Get lost, Dev!" Shane shouted angrily at him. "Go and tell Dad his youngest is plotting against him!" Devon looked like he considered doing something, but finally he retreated and got into his own car without saying anything.

"Dad, you're okay? You're not hurt, are you?" Kurt looked his father up and down with concern.

"I'm fine," Burt said with a nod, although he was panting heavily from the fight. It had been a while that he'd been this angry and had actually lashed out at someone.

"Shane, I'm sorry about all this mess. I shouldn't have let Devon know that we met and… what are you going to do now?" Kurt asked concerned.

"No, it's okay, don't worry about me," Shane said with a shrug. "I think it's time I spoke to my dad anyway. I'll let you know the outcome, that is, if I survive." He winked at Kurt and got into his car.

Again the Hummel men turned to get to their car. "You really shouldn't have started a fight, Dad, this guy could've knocked you out easily. Don't let Carole hear you've launched yourself at this neanderthal…"

Burt nodded along at his son's words. He knew it might not have been his wisest move, and that you shouldn't fight violence with violence, but it had definitely felt good to get a straight punch at this guy. Kurt continued to pet him all the way to their car, linking his arm into Burt's more firmly than before and leading him away from all this mess. _And__here__we__go__again_, Burt thought woefully, with Kurt caring about his old man more than about himself while the boy was so exhausted and worn out himself that he could barely stay on his feet, and it tore at Burt's heart.

"I'm okay, Kurt," he tried to assure him. "C'mon, let's get to the car."

~ o ~ o ~

Kurt didn't stop moving until he could sink down into the front seat with the door locked between him and the world. He pulled the seatbelt and buckled up, leaning into the seat with a feeling of complete defeat.

"What now?" Burt asked as he got behind the steering wheel, still tense and trying his best to cool off.

"Just drive," Kurt said wearily, closing his eyes.

Burt seemed to consider this for a moment, before asking, "Where to? Home?"

"Yes, home," Kurt said in a tired whisper. A second later a sob erupted from deep within him, he ducked his head and began to weep.

"Kurt…" Burt reached out and put a hand on Kurt's arm, but the boy pulled away and waved his hand.

"Let's just get away from here," Kurt said whiny-voiced. Tears were streaking down his face and he covered it with one hand.

Burt shifted into gear and pulled backwards out of the parking lot and onto the street. For a while they didn't speak and Burt was concentrating on the traffic to follow the road out of town until they hit the highway, giving Kurt time to calm down again. But when he didn't and the tears kept flowing, Burt couldn't ignore it any longer.

"Kurt, please," Burt glanced sideways at his son. "Please, talk to me. What is it? Is it because we met this Devon guy? Are you worried about Shane?" Burt knew that asking all these questions were pointless, because by now Kurt was crying so hard that he couldn't speak, he could hardly even breathe.

"Kurt," Burt said with a soft voice, reaching out to pat his knee. "Please, Kurt, stop crying..."

"I want to, but I can't," Kurt said with an exhausted sigh. He was making an effort to get himself under control again, taking one tissue after another to wipe away the tears that just wouldn't stop flowing, but after a while he stopped trying and just surrendered into a complete meltdown.

Burt tried to remember the last time he'd seen Kurt crying, _really_ crying. Of course Kurt had shed some tears over the past few weeks due to the circumstances, but this was different. Watching him cry like this was heart-breaking, painful even. Kurt had always been a strong kid, but still he was just a teenager and had gone through a lot of shit already. However, Burt had never seen him cry like this.

He was well aware that Kurt was proud and probably wouldn't let his father see his tears and would only cry when he was alone. This made Burt wonder how much of this lonesome crying had been going on over the past years. Probably too many. He had never really thought about it. He had assumed that Kurt would come to him if he was troubled or bothered by something. He should have known better. To see his kid so shaken and hopeless that he could do nothing but cry was just awful and it made Burt want to cry himself.

They drove into the night and Burt hoped that Kurt calmed down, but after an hour the boy was still crying. By then Kurt's face was all blotchy and he clutched a fistful of Kleenex. The heaving sobs had stopped, but tears continued to leak down his cheeks. Also Burt noticed that Kurt shivered. They had the heater blasting, but it didn't seem to warm him up.

"Kurt, I think we should look out for a place to stay for the night."

In answer the boy shook his head back and forth.

"No, really, Kurt, you need to rest."

"What I _need_ is to talk to Blaine," Kurt retorted, his voice gravelly, his nose stuffy, "and ask him what the _hell_ he was thinking..." Tears overflew the rims of his eyes again and he sobbed into a wadded-up Kleenex.

Burt bit hard on his lips and kept his eyes resolutely on the road, watching out for the next motel sign. He knew he could only allow himself to think about all this mess, when they finally got off the road and found themselves a place to stay, and the sooner the better, because he'd never seen Kurt breaking down like this before.

After another ten minutes Kurt's phone buzzed. The boy looked at the received message and typed a quick answer. "Who texts you?"

"Finn," Kurt answered. He sniffed again and pulled another Kleenex out of the box to blow his nose. A moment later his phone rang. Kurt looked at it and let out an annoyed sigh, before he answered the call with a teary voice, "Can't you read? I said I don't want to talk."

"Are you crying?" Finn asked, sounding shocked.

"Yes," Kurt answered, no way denying it.

"So, no good news then?"

"No."

"Kurt, talk to me," Finn pleaded. "What did Shane tell you?"

"He said..." Kurt drew a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut. "He said Blaine took those pills," his voice just a hoarse whisper, "and he almost died."

"Holy crap! But he's alright, isn't he?"

"I don't know," Kurt wiped a fresh stream of tears off his cheeks. "Shane didn't know for sure either."

"Did he tell you what happened?"

"Shane said their father found out about me and didn't like the idea of Blaine having a boyfriend. But even if his father forbade him to see me or even threatened him to leave Dalton, I don't understand why Blaine would..." Kurt closed his eyes and swallowed hard, he needed a moment to force the words out.

"He told me he loved me, Finn," Kurt said in a rush before his voice was drowned by tears again. "I can't believe he was thinking about suicide then."

"Because he didn't!" Finn now spoke with determination. "Kurt, I'm sure Blaine didn't plan this! It must have been some kind of panic reaction. Maybe... maybe he just snapped!"

"No! Blaine Anderson doesn't just snap!" Kurt replied with a surprising heat and anger in his voice. "He _always_ thinks about what he's doing beforehand. Even if he's up to something spontaneous he thinks about all the consequences first! That's just the way he is! And I sure do hope that he put a little consideration into whether or not to... to commit _suicide_!" He spat the hateful word out and almost choked on it.

"But if he had and came to the only conclusion that it was the only way... then... I just don't know what to think anymore..." And with this Kurt dissolved into tears again, not able to speak anymore.

Burt took over the phone and talked to Finn, but Kurt didn't listen in to what they were saying. He leaned back into his seat and covered his face with both arms while a new rush of despair overwhelmed him and he cried and cried until everything inside of him hurt, his chest and stomach, his heart and soul, everything was aching so tremendously.

And he wanted Blaine so much in this moment; wanted to hold him, scream at him, kiss him, punch him, soothe him and love him. He wanted Blaine to see his tears, see the pain he caused and see the longing and the need to be with him.

He wanted Blaine to know that he couldn't just go and leave him, because all that would be left of Kurt would be this, a pathetic crying mess with no strength and no hope and no tomorrow.

Eventually the crying slowed down enough so that he could breathe again, but his eyes felt sandy and his nose was completely plugged up. He barely noticed when his father left the highway and headed towards a motel, and he didn't hear his father talking to him, telling him to stay in the car while he checked in for a room, and then returned to help Kurt out of the car. He felt so exhausted, but he didn't notice that when he faltered, his father curled an arm around his waist to steady him, and when he simply couldn't stay on his feet, his father just picked him up and carried him inside. And suddenly there was a soft pillow underneath his head and he didn't want to stay awake for one more second, he just wanted to sleep and forget... but his father wouldn't let him.

"C'mon, Kurt," his father's voice sounded urgent in his ears. "Stay awake, son."

_Why? What for?_

And then there was a damp washcloth on his face, wiping the salt from his cheeks and it felt good, cold and soothing.

"Kurt, I want you to sit up and drink something, okay?"

His dad forced him to sit up and held a straw to his lips. Obediently Kurt took a sip, swallowed and made a face. "... 's no diet coke," he murmured and Burt let out a little laugh. "No, it isn't. No diet whatsoever for you until you've gained some more pounds, son. C'mon, drink up."

"… tastes awful…" Kurt protested.

"It's just diet coke with sugar, buddy. Drink some more, okay?" Kurt did and got aware of how incredible thirsty he was, but his throat felt constricted and every swallow was an effort.

"How are you, kiddo? Feeling a bit better? Hey, stay awake, okay? Will you do that for me?" Burt stroked the hair out of Kurt's forehead. The boy looked so incredible tired and beaten. This was definitely not how he had wanted their mission to end.

"... got a headache," Kurt sighed and leaned into his father's hand and closed his eyes.

"I know, it's been a hard day, and I gotta be honest with you, Kurt, you got me a bit scared here. C'mon, you need to drink some more, I don't want you to dehydrate."

Kurt nodded and opened his eyes again. "I'm fine, Dad. I'm just..." His mouth opened and closed a few times and his hands sort of flopped around in his lap. He ended his attempt to explain himself with a tired shake of his head.

"It's okay," Burt assured him and stroked a hand over Kurt's back. "Now, let's play a little game, just to keep you awake, okay? So, I want you to tell me your name."

Kurt glanced up at him with an annoyed expression. "Dad, I know my name, I didn't fall on my head..." His face changed into a puzzled frown. "I didn't, right?"

"No, you didn't. I'm just checking if you're alright, kiddo. So please, do me the favor?"

Kurt rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh. "My name is Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, I'm seventeen years old and live in Lima, Ohio. I have an incredible naive but despite that still cute stepbrother called Finn Hudson who has an extremely unnerving girlfriend called Rachel Berry, whereas I have the most gorgeous boyfriend in the world called..."

Kurt suddenly stopped and for a second Burt thought he'd actually forgotten Blaine's name, but then Kurt hung his head and a new wave of tears choked him up. Immediately Burt put his arms around the boy und drew him close. "Hey, no, please, Kurt, no more tears tonight!" He gently rocked him and stroked through his hair.

They stayed like this for a while until Kurt calmed down again and reached out for the tissue box. Kurt blew his nose and looked up, looking at his father but not meeting his eyes. "I've been thinking," Kurt said, almost inaudibly, "about Blaine and how he acted the days before I last saw him…"

"Yes?" Burt prompted gently when Kurt wouldn't go on.

"The night before Christmas when we drove to Lima and he was going to stay at ours? Blaine suddenly stopped his car at this creepy lonesome rest stop on the highway..."

He sniffed and wiped his nose with a Kleenex. "I followed him and got out of my car to ask him why he stopped and he acted all weird. He said he was just nervous at the prospect of meeting you, but I could sense that there was something else on his mind that he didn't want to share with me."

"Everybody has something they want to keep secret," Burt said gently. "It doesn't mean he wouldn't trust you."

"I know," Kurt nodded. "It was just that in this moment I didn't have a clue what was going on in his head... and then out of nowhere Blaine kissed me, but there was something off about that kiss that somehow alarmed me and made me worry."

Burt furrowed his brows. "What do you mean? What was so strange about it?"

"It was… I don't know," Kurt shrugged helplessly. "But he'd never kissed me like that before; it wasn't nice, it was somehow tense and urgent and... it was like he was scared about something... and then he joked around and said something like... like that he'd wanted to kiss me in case he might die... because you just never knew when you would die..." Kurt shook his head miserably. "What if he had already thought about suicide then? What if I haven't reacted the way he wanted me to?"

"No, don't think that way, Kurt, you can't think that way," Burt protested and rubbed Kurt's back comfortingly. Kurt took another Kleenex and dabbed at his eyes, trying to force the tears back. "We drove on and I forgot all about it, because Blaine was his usual self again once we got home. But now I think I should have asked him about it further. Instead I was complaining about not feeling loved enough by him. I put all this guilt on him and made him feel like he was the worst boyfriend in the whole wide world..."

"Okay, so you had a little bit of a fight, but didn't you say he told you how much he loved you later and that you were okay again?"

"Yeah, we talked about it and we were okay again, but by then I had already told him that I felt like he wasn't serious with me and that must have hurt him so much. Look, I'm his boyfriend! I'm supposed to be the person who makes him feel good about himself, even if everyone else should turn their backs on him. I'm supposed to be the one to tell him that I was there for him, no matter what!"

"Kurt, I'm sure Blaine knew you were there for him, even if you had some silly argument. There's no relationship without some doubt every now and then. And whatever made him so goddamn miserable, I'm sure it's not _your_ fault!"

"How do you know that? It could be my fault!" Kurt insisted fiercely and Burt was shocked to see that Kurt was so disposed to bear all the blame. "He was so disappointed that I didn't trust him. The thing is, I _do_ trust him. I just couldn't believe this great love was really and truly happening to me. So I figured I was just imagining it and Blaine couldn't be as serious about it as I wished him to be. I had doubts, but not really about _him_. I was so dumb and selfish, I just thought about how I felt.I should have noticed that he was unhappy... But no, I just added to his misery. I made him feel even worse than he already felt and..." Suddenly Kurt's chest felt like someone had tied a rope around it, squeezing the breath out of him, and his voice drowned in a wave of tears so abrupt and soulful, it was hard for his father to watch.

"Kurt, breathe, okay? Just breathe!" Burt sounded alarmed, when his son tried to suck in air, but his nose was plugged from all the crying and his throat was thick. "Calm down, Kurt. Listen to me, okay?" Burt grabbed his shoulders firmly and made his son look right into his eyes. "You forget about something very important here. _Blaine_ _is_ _alive_! You will see him again!"

"Yes, but he _wanted_ to be dead! And I..." Kurt's voice cracked up and he was rocking back and forth, clutching at his dad while his breath came in deep rasping gulps. When he finally had enough breath to speak his voice was a few octaves higher than usual. "I can't believe it! I thought I _knew_ him, but now I feel like I don't know him at all. I can't... I just can't believe he just gave up on himself... and my heart still says, no, he _didn__'__t_... he didn't want to kill himself... but when Shane says he did, then I don't know what to believe anymore."

Burt wrapped his arms around his kid and just held him. He wanted to console him, tell him it would all turn out just fine, that it couldn't be as bad as Shane had made it sound, that Finn might be right and Blaine had somehow just snapped and didn't really mean to hurt himself. But he didn't say any of those things, because somehow saying nothing seemed better than giving him false hope and reassurances. After all, how was he supposed to know anything?

By the time Kurt finally got past the point of crying, his face was all red and splotchy and his nose was seriously plugged up. Burt gently made him lie down and as soon as his head rested back on the pillow, Kurt turned to his side and curled up around the sheets and blankets.

Burt unlaced Kurt's sneakers and took them off. Then he went to the second bed across the room and lay down himself, but he couldn't find sleep while he listened to the sound of silent sobbing that drifted through the room still for hours.

~ o ~ o ~

In the middle of the night, Kurt got up and went quietly into the little bathroom next door. He washed his face with cold water and grabbed for a towel. He gazed at himself in the mirror over the sink, but he didn't really see anyone. His eyes were glassy and vacant, and he felt like this was it! This was how it was going to be from now on, he would never be able to stop the shaking inside.

Was this how it felt to fall apart? To know there was no way to ever be whole again? At least not without Blaine.

And yes, he felt awful, hopeless and scared to death, but still he didn't feel like wanting to kill himself. But, if feeling like _this_ didn't make him want to be dead, then how much worse had Blaine felt that night when he'd tried to kill himself? How much pain, how much agony must he have felt?

_Why, Blaine? Why did you take those pills?_

Now, here he was, going back home, turning around, having gained nothing but more heartbreak. Feeling defeated and lost and like he was letting Blaine down again. He had gotten some answers, but the new questions were weighing him down and he felt left in the dark more than ever. "Once upon a time there was light in my life," he whispered to himself, "now there's only love in the dark..." He cleared his throat and tested his voice with a light sing along. "Turn around bright eyes..."

Ever since he'd received that first text message this particular song had been floating around in his head. However, due to all the crying his voice was raspy and his stuffed-up nose didn't make it easy to really sing or hit any high notes.

"I don't know what to do…" Kurt closed his eyes to center himself and took a deep breath to clear his breathing. "I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark…" His voice grew louder and more confident now, the scratch in his throat was still there, but he could sing around it.

"I really need you _tonight_-" For a second he faltered. He didn't know why he was singing this song, just that it mirrored his inner pain so well and if he could even manage to sing it without breaking down at the lyrics…

He tiptoed back into the dark bedroom and checked if his father was still sound asleep, then sat down at the small table in the dim light of the streetlamp outside with his back to the shutters of the window. Occasionally a car would drive by and illuminate the room and let shadows dance across the walls. Kurt set up his laptop and Rachel's camera and positioned both on the little table. He tried different angles of the camera to catch just the lower part of his face, he didn't want his puffy eyes to be seen, it was just his voice that mattered anyway.

Then he pushed the record button and checked that the camera really did as it was told before he folded his hands in front of his mouth for a moment, looking like he was going to pray, when really he was just gathering his thoughts, his breath and the message he wanted to get across in case Blaine should ever get to see this.

He put his hands down on the table and began to sing in a low almost speaking voice.

"Every now and then I get a little bit lonely

And you're never coming round

Every now and then I get a little bit tired

Of listening to the sound of my tears"

He skipped the _turn __around_ part, as this song was for two singers anyway. Also it wasn't easy to hold the tune without instrumental accompany, but after the first lines he found his own rhythm.

"Every now and then I get a little bit nervous

That the best of all the years have gone by

Every now and then I get a little bit terrified

But then I see the look in your eyes"

Kurt put his hand on his collar bone and drew a breath. This was more exhausting then he'd thought and it wasn't easy to sing and not notice how much the lines struck him. This was how he was feeling right now and he had to let it show. Otherwise this whole video message was pointless.

For the next part his voice had to rise and he managed it without his voice toppling over.

"Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight!

I need you more than ever!

And if you'll only hold me tight

we'll be holding on forever

And we'll only be making it right

'Cause we'll never be wrong together"

Whatever Blaine's father was trying to make him believe, their love for each other would never be _wrong_. Blaine just had to hold on to his feelings and know that Kurt was holding on, too. That he'd never let go...

"Together we can take it to the end of the line

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark

We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight"

His lips began to quiver and his voice was trembling for the next few lines, trying to put as much sincereness into them as possible.

"Every now and then I know there's no one

In the universe as magical and wonderous as you

Every now and then I know

There's nothing that I just wouldn't do

Every now and then I get a little bit angry

And I know I've got to get out and cry"

He reached up to wipe stray tears from his eyes, his voice wasn't working in his favor anymore and the last words came out as a strangled whisper...

"Once upon a time I was falling in love

now I'm only falling apart

Once upon a time there was light in my life

now there's only love in the dark

Nothing I can say

a total eclipse of the heart..."

Slowly he reached out to turn the camera off.

He worked mechanically when he uploaded the clip onto Rachel's youtube account – she had told him her password a while ago and it was easy to keep in mind: broadway superstar. He waited until the upload was complete and named it 'klaine – total eclipse'.

Then he checked if the clip was already online. While surfing in the internet he found the former clips, 'klaine – the one i love' and 'klaine – walk on'.

Rachel even had a copy of the Warbler's 'klaine – incomplete' on her blog. He'd never seen it before so he clicked on it.

To his surprise the Warblers have recorded the song in the middle of the Dalton library, amidst rows of books. How did they even get permission to sing and dance in the library? As always they were in perfect harmony and perfect sync. Wesley was singing lead and he was good, really good. He should sing lead more often. Well, now he would have the opportunity to do so, because most likely Blaine would never be coming back to Dalton. Kurt bit his lips and closed his eyes to will the tears away that were gathering up in his eyes again. _Maybe __he __will. __Maybe __he__'__ll __be __back __soon._

There he was, his blotchy face, dimmly illuminated only by the screenlight of his laptop, too close to the camera for his liking. The thin curtains of the window in the background, shadows dancing, headlights of passing cars outside. His own voice strange in his ears... He clicked it away, not wanting to watch himself. He wasn't allowing himself to think about if this really was a good idea and who would be seeing this pathetic outcry. He was aware that it was most likely that the whole world would see it whereas Blaine never would.

He closed the laptop and sat in the dark.

~ o ~ o ~

Burt was still awake, but kept quiet as he listened to Kurt ghosting through the room. Apparently Kurt thought his father was asleep. Seriously? As if Burt could find any sleep while his son was heartbroken, practically grieving and on top of that had breathing problems, not just because he'd cried for at least five hours in a row, but also because he still had to deal with broken ribs in progress of healing.

He was a bit surprised when Kurt sat down and sung an eighty's song, apparently recording himself while doing so. Burt let him be. Anything Kurt needed to do to feel better was just fine with him. And he knew how much comfort Kurt got by singing. The choice of this song, however, was heart-wrenching and the way he sung it, clearly not on top of his usual singing voice, was disturbing.

When Kurt was done and closed the laptop again, he sat in the dark for a while and Burt couldn't stand it. What was Kurt thinking right now? Burt cleared his throat before he began to speak, as not to startle his boy. He heard Kurt move at the sound. "Kurt, come here." The chair scratched on the floor when Kurt got up and moved towards him. In the dimness of the room he could only make out the boy's skinny silhouette. "Sorry, did I wake you?" Kurt's voice was no more than a whisper.

"No, I can't sleep either. Now, come here. Lie next to me." Burt held out his arm and Kurt lay down beside him, nestling into his side. They hadn't shared a bed for a long time, but when Kurt had been younger, especially after his mom had died, he used to sneak into Burt's bed a lot.

Burt closed his arm around him and held him close, noticing the way the boy's bones stuck out. Kurt's loss of weight was still troublesome. It made him think about how thin Elizabeth had become at the end, when she had been so sick that she couldn't keep anything in her stomach anymore and had to be force-fed. Her wrists had been so thin that even Kurt – an eight years old boy – had easily been able to wrap his fingers around them. Her poor body had been all haggard and bony and still she had been able to smile for her son, wanting to give the boy some hope when she knew very well there wasn't any left for herself.

Burt had learned the hard way that there were things in life that you didn't want to happen, but you simply had no control over it. Sometimes there was nothing you could do to stop everything around you going down. Like there had been nothing he could have done to stop cancer killing Kurt's mom. Now Kurt was close to get sick himself with all this sorrow eating him up from the inside. But he wouldn't stand and watch his boy falling apart...

"Why did you think it was Devon who sent me those texts?" Kurt asked all of a sudden. "There is no connection."

Burt cursed inwardly. Kurt still didn't know about the words on their front door on New Year's and he didn't want him to know. Could it just be a coincidence that the first text message had been the same words on their door? Burt had been so sure that it had been the same guy. If it wasn't, then who wrote those damn texts?

"I don't know. It was just an idea," Burt replied and wrapped his arm closer around Kurt's shoulders and draped the blanket with his free hand over them. "Try to get some sleep, son."

Kurt closed his eyes and tried to sleep, really, but there were still so many thoughts running around in his head and after another long moment, Kurt gave up. He turned a bit and snuggled closer into his father's side. "Dad?" Kurt's voice breathed over his father's shoulder. Burt made an acknowledging sound to indicate that he was listening.

"I shouldn't have told Shane to come out to his father," Kurt said, clearly troubled. "I had no right. It wasn't in my place to talk him into doing it... and I know how terrified he is to tell his father that he's gay... because I felt the same way..."

"What do you mean?" Burt asked and rubbed his hand over Kurt's shoulder. "You were scared of _me_?"

"I was so, _so_ afraid to tell you about me," Kurt admitted, "and I didn't even think you'd beat me up or throw me out of the house. My only fear was that you'd tell me you were disappointed and that you couldn't love me anymore. I was scared to lose you, the only person in the world who loved me... and considering how scared _I_ was to come out to _you_, when I was aware you'd never physically hurt me, I can only imagine how much _worse_ Shane's fear must be to tell his dad..."

"You know," Burt began, wondering, "I can't believe that their father doesn't know already, about both of them. I mean, I knew since you were three. If you care about your kids, you just _know_ things like that."

"I don't think their father spend much time with them in their childhood," Kurt explained and nuzzled deeper into the crook of his father's arm. "Blaine told me once that their father had always been away and busy with work. And to tell the truth, I don't think Blaine and Shane wanted to play tea party or try to put on their mom's high heels when they were kids. They're not so obviously gay like, well, like me for example. The two of them could pass as straight easily. I just hope that... if Shane comes out to his father now just because I told him to do so... I hope he doesn't get hurt. I hope that maybe their father... I don't know. God, I don't know why I thought it was a good idea."

"Maybe their father will think Shane just tells him he's gay to support his brother. If only it helps to let Shane see his brother, it would've helped a great deal, don't you think?"

"I don't know what to think of anything anymore." Kurt reached out to grasp the hand which rested on his father's chest. Holding it, Kurt allowed his mind to drift off again. Kurt had always loved his father's hands, they were strong and calloused, but when those hands touched his face, ruffled his hair or patted his shoulders, they were gentle and able to make Kurt feel safe and loved in a way that couldn't be expressed with words. Kurt had never imagined to see these hands hurt anybody. Until today. And he felt bad about it, about everything.

He didn't want his father to have to deal with this kind of mess. He didn't want him to get into a fight on his behalf, he didn't want him to get hurt at all and he knew if this mess would develop further, he would try to keep his father out of it. Having these thoughts on his mind, Kurt was startled by his father's next words, wondering if he could read his mind.

"Kurt, I need you to promise me you're not gonna do anything on your own, okay? Whatever your plan is, I'm a part of it. Deal?" When Kurt didn't reply anything, his father gave his shoulder a little shake. "Do we have a deal? Kurt?"

"No, we don't," Kurt finally said hoarsely. "I can't promise you anything. I don't know what will happen in the future, but I know that I'll do anything for Blaine and at the same time I'll do anything to make sure you or Carole or Finn won't get hurt by this either."

"I guess then we have a problem, son," Burt said with a firm voice. "Because I'll do anything to make sure _you__'__re_ not getting hurt."

"You shouldn't bother to try the impossible, Dad," Kurt sighed, already drifting off to sleep, "there's just no way I'm getting through this unhurt."

~ o ~ o ~

**Songs in this chapter:**

Bonnie Tyler - Total eclipse of the heart

**Next chapter: **

I think now it's Blaine's turn again. ;)

**Thank you for reading!**

**Reviews are always welcome! :D**


	20. Courage is

**Author's Note: **

**Oh my God! Can I please just point out that this is chapter 20, everyone! Yay!**

**And you've given me over 80 reviews already! I'm so happy! :D**

**But I have to apologize! I'm so sorry that the last chapter was so dark! :'(**

**I can promise you already that 'Total eclipse of the heart' was the darkest chapter in the story. None of the up-coming chapters will be this dark and hopeless! Yes, there will still be some stuff going down and there will be more bad moments, but nothing like this again. Big promise!**

**Some of you have pointed out that Kurt usually is a strong guy and it's not like him to break down like this. I agree. But I think after all he's been through up until now, there had to be a moment when he just breaks down and cries all his misery out. And thinking that Blaine actually wanted to kill himself is just, well, it's killing him. I guess the thing that really gets him so down right now is that he can't do anything to help Blaine. Also I think in the end he'll come out of this mess much stronger. ;)**

**Here's Blaine again! 3**

~ o ~ o ~

He was under water, holding his breath and praying for time to go by fast while ice cold water pierced every part of his body.

It was like a million tiny needles pricked into his skin. His brain was frozen the second his head was being ducked in and every other part of his body felt like freezing off this time for sure.

Gabriel called this part of his treatment the _freeze __yer __arse __off_ routine and it contained taking a daily bath in a tub filled with ice rocks and ice water, and being dipped under for almost a minute.

"The ice baths are to kill your sex drive," Gabriel had explained to him. "More or less effective. Most patients just catch a cold. But sometimes we have to amputate frozen limbs." His dry sense of humor was very irritating at times.

Blaine had caught a cold and a fever the second day after the questionable treatment had started, but he had been given medication and his sickness didn't last long. However, after one week of daily dipping into ice-water he truly believed he would never feel warm again.

After what seemed to be a lifetime the grip on his head released him and he could breach the surface and gasp for air. His hands clutched the rim of the bathtub immediately and water gushed out over the rims. Blinking water from his eyes, he made out the features of Gabriel next to him, lending him a hand to help him getting out of the hateful tub.

Blaine not only hated it, it scared him to death.

The first time when Gabriel had introduced him to his new _therapy_, Blaine had simply refused to get into that tub. No matter how much Gabriel had tried to talk him into doing it and even had started pleading with him, Blaine had said no. He hated being cold, he even hated cold water when he washed his face at the sink. No way was he taking a bath in ice water!

However, his stubborness had resulted into Gabriel being forced to call for help and three guys showing up, grabbing Blaine violently and tossing him in, dipping him under water over and over and over again. The way he had been completely at the mercy of these guys who had obviously had _fun_ drowning him, had been the most scary experience in his whole life so far. More scary than being bashed up by his former class mates or his own father. They hadn't even given him time to take a breath before dunking him down.

Panic had flooded his brain and all he could think of was that this was the way he'd die, being drowned by a bunch of orderlies who egged each other on to torture a helpless patient and then accidently overdid it. While he had struggled wildly to get out of their grip and out of the water, he had wondered if they would even get a severe punishment for killing him and if they would get fired and jail-time, or if the incident would just be swept under the rug and his parents would be told that he had committed suicide after all by drowning himself.

There was no way he could avoid the daily bath as it was an inherent part of his so-called therapy, but he had learned that if he stripped himself and got into the hateful tub on his own and without complaining, it would just be Gabriel who watched him and dunked him down for one minute.

They would go to the community bathroom very late in the evenings, so they wouldn't meet any other patients or orderlies which was just fine with him. Although sometimes he longed to see some people. Gabriel had told him that his father didn't want him to have contact to anyone, especially not other patients, like he was scared Blaine could additionally be infected with another mental disease than being gay.

That was the official reason why Gabriel avoided the times when the community rooms usually were crowded, but Blaine had noticed that Gabriel didn't like meeting anyone either. Whenever they passed other staff members, they would ignore him or scowl at him. Blaine had asked him once how he got along with his collegues and Gabriel had just shrugged and answered that they were all a bunch of morons. So he supposed that Gabriel wasn't on very friendly terms with the other orderlies.

Blaine heaved himself out of the water and climbed out of the tub, gratefully accepting the bathrobe that Gabriel held out for him. He hated the miserable state he was in after each bath session, his teeth chattering and his body shaking heavily, he couldn't even _think_, because the only brain activity he was capable of doing was sending _get __warm __again, __get __the __hell __warm __now!_ commands to the rest of his body.

After each bath session, Gabriel would wrap him up in a bathrobe, rub him dry and bring him back to his room. Every day, while Blaine tried to regain control over his trembling limbs, Gabriel would sit him down on a stool in the little bathroom next to his bedroom and dry his hair with a blow-dryer.

Then Blaine would close his eyes and enjoy the feeling of the warm air and the hands in his hair.

He still didn't know Gabriel's true intentions towards him and he was sure that it wasn't his job to blow-dry his hair. But he didn't ask. Maybe he was just a sucker for dark curly hair. Because, seriously? Blaine couldn't help noticing that Gabriel was absolutely fond of his hair and he took every opportunity to dig his hands into it.

"You're not stopping time correctly, Gabby."

Blaine looked up at who was talking, but his movements were a little slow due to being an ice sculpture. Gabriel however was quick. He jumped up from bending in front of Blaine, helping him to get into his socks and loafers, and turned around, facing the orderly who leaned nonchalantly in the doorway, smirking at him.

"The way I do my job is none of your business, Jason" Gabriel replied and Blaine thought that his voice sounded cold, ice cold, and it wasn't just because Blaine's brain was in lack of any other adjectives right now.

"Well, it is if you don't do it properly," the other one snarled. "Your patient has to stay in the tub for fifteen minutes and one minute completely under water. You're letting him out way too early."

"He's my responsibility, not yours."

Blaine was getting restless. He was tired and miserable and he didn't want to listen to some stupid bickering between the two orderlies. All he wanted was to get back to his room and get warm again. Besides, if it was true and Gabriel was letting him out before time was up, he for one wouldn't complain about it.

The orderly in the door crossed his arms and looked at Gabriel with a challenge in his eyes. "Say, aren't you the one who had had the hots for a patient before? So this is your new sweetheart now? Maybe I should report you."

Blaine listened up. Now it actually got interesting.

"Maybe I should report _you_ and the way you let your frustration out on patients who are drugged," Gabriel shot right back and for a moment the two of them sized each other up. Gabriel was all tense with his hands balled into fists while the other one, Jason, raised his chin in an arrogant gesture.

Blaine held his breath, not daring to let out a single beep. What if the two starting fighting? What if the other one was stronger than Gabriel – he definitely looked more like a tough guy than the blond lean orderly – and knocked him out? What if this creepy guy then turned on him, letting his frustration out? Blaine wasn't entirely sure, but the man looked like one of the three guys who'd dunked him. Along with his already trembling bones now another shiver went right down his spine. He didn't want to be at the mercy of any of these guys again.

The orderly named Jason let out a laugh. "Peace, man. Like I cared what you did to him. Have fun, Gabby!"

"Stop calling me that," Gabriel growled at him.

"Right, you go by the name nose-guy nowadays. Wait, ain't _he_ the one who punched you and broke your nose? Go get your revenge!" With a roaring laugh the orderly left them alone again.

All the way back to his room, Blaine couldn't stop thinking about what Jason had said about Gabriel having had _the __hots_ for a patient before, apparently a male patient. He wanted to ask whether or not it was true that Gabriel had had an affair with a patient before. But he didn't ask. After all it wasn't his business and his gaydar had assumed already that Gabriel was on his team. It troubled him more that apparently it was common practice to misuse the patients and have _fun_ with them.

He looked up at the blond guy with the ponytail who walked next to him, his hand on Blaine's arm, gently guiding him instead of dragging him along impatiently like back on the first day he got out of the darkroom. Even though Gabriel would have a reason to get back to him for breaking his nose, so far the orderly was kind to him. After the encounter with his collegue, however, Gabriel was in a bad mood, muttering curses under his breath. Blaine wanted to say something, but he was still shaking so hard that he couldn't get a word out comprehensible anyway.

Blaine was relieved when they arrived back in his room and went into the little bathroom together. He leaned against the sink and tucked the ice blocks that were his hands underneath his armpits, watching impatiently as Gabriel plugged the hair dryer in, not able to wait for the warm blow of air any longer. But before Gabriel switched it on, he looked at Blaine with a serious expression.

"I have a job interview tomorrow," he said out of the blue. "So keep your fingers crossed. You may get rid of me for good."

Blaine just stared back at him in shock.

He couldn't explain why, but the thought of Gabriel leaving scared him. A lot.

Mostly because he was scared of by whom he would be replaced. He had learned by now that – although most of the time Gabriel was rude and a pain in the ass – he was rather gentle, at least compared to the orderlies who almost drowned him and laughed at him while doing so.

"If I'm lucky I'm out of here as soon as possible." Gabriel stood right in front of Blaine now, clutching the hair dryer against his chest. Blaine shook his head slowly, still staring at the other with panic in his eyes. If Gabriel was replaced by one of those horror guys, he knew he'd die in here sooner or later. Literally.

"Don't leave," Blaine said with a choked up voice, his body still trembling all over. "Please, don't leave."

Gabriel didn't say anything, he just looked at him, his face an unreadable mask. Then he stepped forward, closed the gap between them and embraced him. And, God, his body was so wonderfully warm! Blaine closed his eyes and clung to him, burying his face into the taller man's shoulder. They stayed like this when Gabriel finally switched the blow-dryer on and began blowing Blaine's hair.

Blaine's hands dug into the fabric of Gabriel's shirt, the warmth of his body was soothing him. Slowly he drifted off to sleep at Gabriel's chest, not realizing when Gabriel led him to his bed and tucked him in. But he knew his last words before he fell asleep were, "Don't leave me," because they followed him into his dreams.

~ o ~ o ~

One week had passed since Blaine had woken up in this hell and he was bored to death. Whenever he was left alone in his room, he made sit-ups and push-ups to keep his body fit. He had lost weight over the past weeks, but was determined to not let himself be weak again. When he would get his chance to escape, he wanted to be ready.

It was Thursday when Blaine was lying on his bed and stared at the ceiling, but time was meaningless in here anyway. So far Valerie hadn't shown up again, neither had his parents or Shane and the more days passed, the more restless he became, feeling like he'd been completely forgotten by everyone.

Did anybody even care that he was stuck in here? Did his father sometimes stop to think, _Wait, __didn__'__t __I __have __a __second __son __somewhere? __Oh __right, __I __put __him __in __this __questionable __facility. __Maybe __I __should __check __on __how __he__'__s __doing? __But __first __I __have __to __finish __working __on __this __file_…

Yeah, right, Gabriel had told him that his father called on a daily basis, but he couldn't believe that. It was more likely that Gabriel had told him so to make him feel better. Actually Gabriel did a lot of things to make him feel better about this mess, but Blaine didn't want to stop and think about Gabriel's intentions too much.

He hadn't seen much of the place yet, except for the hateful community bathroom and the roof terrace where he had been with Valerie. Also Gabriel had brought him into the luxurious office of some Dr. Nolan three times already who apparently earned his money by asking stupid questions like, "Do you feel like hurting yourself today? Are you feeling like you might pose a danger to yourself or others? Have you had suicidal urges recently?"

Blaine was never sure what he was expected to answer. He didn't feel like hurting himself, but if he said so Dr. Nolan would only nod in a way that indicated that he didn't believe him. The only thing that troubled Blaine right now was being imprisoned in this building. He tried to be calm and polite and his usual dapper self when dealing with Dr. Nolan, because he dreaded that any emotional outburst on his part would make them keep him in this place longer.

Alone in his room he spend a lot of time fingering the golden bracelet and daydreaming of Kurt, wondering what his boyfriend was doing right now and if Kurt was wearing his bracelet, too. What was he thinking about the way Blaine had suddenly disappeared? Did Kurt even know why he wasn't returning to Dalton or would he sit in class staring at his empty chair and keep on wondering?

It was cruel not knowing what was going on outside these walls. He wanted to know if Kurt was okay, and how Shane was doing. He thought a lot about the phone call and the things Kurt had said about being threatened with text messages and how worried and frightened he had sounded, but at the same time so courageous when he had said he wouldn't let himself be intimidated and wouldn't give up on Blaine.

"Oh baby... I miss you..." Blaine sighed and wished he was able to send his thoughts to Kurt. To keep his mind from thinking too much, he read his notebook and worked on long forgotten song ideas. He wished he had his guitar to refine the melodies in his head.

"We all have excuses why, living in fear something in us dies," he sung quietly and repeated the verse over and over again, eager not to forget the words.

He'd been thinking about how Valerie had told him his future was all settled. However, he wasn't sure what his father would do to make Blaine stay, because he couldn't expect Blaine to actually comply and do all the crap he'd planned for him. Did his father really think Blaine would simply do as he was asked and stay in Los Angeles? God, the moment he was free again, he'd run all the way back to Ohio. No doubt about that.

"Like a bird with broken wings," he plucked at imaginary guitar strings. "It's not how high he flies, but the song he sings…"

He heard a key being turned and looked up when the door opened. Gabriel came in with a tray. Lunchtime. Yay! Blaine grabbed his notebook and jumped out of his bed to sit down at the little table. "Have you brought a pencil?"

Blaine wasn't allowed to keep a pencil, but Gabriel would lend him one for as long as they spend time together in his room. Gabriel put the tray down on the table and produced a pencil from out of his tucked up hair.

"What else do you hide in there?" Blaine asked with a chuckle and sat down, shoved the food inside his mouth with his left hand and at the same time scribbling furiously into his notebook with his right hand. The food was splendid. If he ever was to see his father again, he would tell him that his money was at least spend well on this.

Gabriel sat down on the floor underneath the window, his favorite spot when Blaine was eating lunch. He pulled his legs up and rested his arms on his knees, watching Blaine indifferently, occasionally closing his eyes and resting his head back against the wall, like he was tired and needed a break. Yeah, they had kinda grown comfortable around each other. Apparently Gabriel no longer believed that Blaine would attack him. Well, once he had stopped fiddling with his phone all the time and turned it off completely, Blaine saw no use in assaulting him. He knew Gabriel wouldn't tell him his PIN and he wouldn't let him make a phone call again.

"How did your job interview go?" Blaine asked between two bites and looked up from his notebook right in time to catch the look of defeat on Gabriel's face before the orderly gave him an indifferent shrug. "Looks like you have to bear with me for a bit longer."

Blaine was polite enough not to jump up squealing in joy or to let the relief he felt be shown on his face. But he was immensely glad that he wouldn't have to deal with one of the scary orderlies. "What kind of job have you applied to anyway?" Blaine asked rather for the sake of conversation.

"Something different." Gabriel didn't look up.

And suddenly Blaine found himself wondering, "For how long are you already working here?"

"About three years now," Gabriel answered with a sigh.

"I bet you've seen a lot of shit going down," Blaine said carefully, watching the other one with concern. But Gabriel seemed not to want to dig into the topic any further.

"So what is it you're writing all the time anyway?"

"Oh, it's just a song idea, nothing exciting, really." Blaine waved in a humble way and finished his meal.

"Wow, a song writer…" Gabriel shifted on the floor and tilted his head towards Blaine. "You really get inspiration for songs in here?"

"Actually I started writing this particular song a few years back," Blaine explained. "It was meant to be for my brother, but I never got it finished… and then I met Ku... someone... and I preached courage to him and, well, I remembered my song idea and started working on it again, wondering about what courage really is. But then I got distracted and dropped it again, and now I just found my old notes in my book and suddenly I have all these ideas floating in my head and I think I finally got it right, and you know, if I don't write it all down it'll be gone again…" He laughed humbly and shrugged a bit.

"A song about courage? Wanna sing it to me? I can tell you if it's crap or not."

"Oh, I don't know… I'm not good at singing all alone… and I'd rather have my guitar…"

"C'mon, it's just me. I won't laugh at you, I promise," Gabriel smiled up at him. "You can't know if your song is any good if you don't sing it out loud, right?"

"Right," Blaine confirmed and looked down at his notes again. "Okay, why not?"

Blaine closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he softly began to sing the lines that were so important to him.

"Take all my vicious words

And turn them into something good

Take all my preconceptions

And let the truth be understood"

The first part of the song had always been for his father. He had never hated the man who was supposed to be his loving daddy, even now he didn't hate him. He just wished that his father would try to understand him and accept him, no matter what.

"Take all my prized possessions

Leave only what I need

Take all my pieces of doubt

And let me be what's underneath"

All his life Blaine had tried to give his best to make him proud, until it had dawned on him that he could never live up to the expectations. But even then he hadn't been rebellious or hostile towards his father. He had simply been disappointed, probably just as much as his father had been disappointed in him. They had both hoped for someone else, and they would never be the way they wished each other to be.

"Courage is when you're afraid,

But you keep on moving anyway

Courage is when you're in pain,

But you keep on living anyway"

He couldn't help but think of his brother when he sung these lines. Shane had always been able to keep a smile on his face, to go on and live on, although he'd endured so much pain and the fear was deep buried within him. He'd seen the way his brother was affected by the brutal way their father had treated Blaine. He'd seen something dying in his brother's eyes and he'd tried to show him that there still was hope for a better day. Because...

"We all have excuses why

Living in fear something in us dies

Like a bird with broken wings

It's not how high he flies,

But the song he sings!

It's not how many times you've been knocked down

It's how many times you get back up!"

The next words were for Kurt only. The beautiful boy who'd been standing on the stairway at Dalton that one fateful day, shaken and scared, who'd been lost and didn't know where to turn to. At the same time, however, Blaine had never met someone as strong and brave as Kurt, the boy he'd fallen in love with and whom he would always love, no matter what.

"Courage is when you've lost your way,

But you find your strength anyway!

Courage is when you're afraid

Courage is when it all seems grey

Courage is when you make a change

And you keep on living anyway

You keep on moving anyway

You keep on _loving_ anyway..."

Blaine opened his eyes and found himself in his prison cell once more. Gabriel was still sitting on the floor, staring up at him, and Blaine was shocked to see tears in his eyes. He wanted to say something funny like, _Gosh, __was __I __so __bad __that __it __made __you __cry?_ But he couldn't joke around just now.

"Do I need to see Dr. Nolan today?" Blaine asked and cleared his throat. He wasn't keen on meeting Dr. Nolan again and being asked stupid questions about how he was doing and if he felt like hurting himself and stuff. Yeah, he was doing great, of course, and no, he didn't want to hurt himself, well, if banging your head against the walls due to frustration didn't count as such.

"No, nothing's on your schedule for today."

"Have you heard anything from my dad?" Blaine found himself asking although he knew Gabriel couldn't tell him even if he had. "When will he let me out of here? I need to know what's going on with my brother and my… friends, you know? Not knowing anything really sucks!"

"I know," Gabriel replied sympathetically and shrugged. "But that's part of the torture. If he'd let you out it would be too easy for you to contact your people."

"My people? Like, other gays?" Blaine shook his head, chuckling, grinning. "Yeah, because I'm the head master of this cult of gays who go around and spread the word that being gay is actually cool and everybody should convert to it!"

This made Gabriel laugh and shake his head in amusement.

"Wow, first I make you cry and then I make you laugh," Blaine teased him with a smile. "What's wrong with you today? Usually you're all Mr. Grumpy or Mr. _I __don__'__t __care __about __anything __you __say_. Let me guess, you're all moody because you got girlfriend trouble again?" He put special emphasis on the word girlfriend, curious whether or not Gabriel would tell him some more bullshit about some girl in his life or if he'd maybe get some hint out of him confirming that he was gay, too. Not that it mattered.

"Nope, no girlfriend trouble this time," Gabriel simply replied and met Blaine's eyes steadily. "I got a question for you, Wildcat. What if I told you I'd figured out the meaning of your bracelet? It doesn't take a genius to notice that _Klaine_ is a mix of your name and Kurt's."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Blaine said dryly. Yeah, he trusted Gabriel, but not enough to be talking about Kurt.

"Come on, I told you the room wasn't wired," Gabriel said with a sigh.

"Yeah, because _you__'__re_ the mole. How do I know you're not reporting every word I say to my dad?"

"I don't."

"Yeah, like I believe you."

"If you believe me or not, that's up to you," Gabriel shrugged and then continued his story casually. "So, this guy, Kurt, he's your boyfriend, right? Well, at least he was before you got here. So if you care about this guy, it might interest you what I found last night in the internet when I was bored and googled _Klaine_."

"What did you find?" Blaine was clutching the seat of his chair and leaned forward while his heart beat was speeding up.

"Why do you care?" Gabriel teased him and rested against the wall as if he had all the time in the world. Blaine sighed and tapped his foot on the floor. "I care because he is. My boyfriend," he admitted, chewing on his lips. "And I need to know _anything_ that concerns him."

"He is? Really? I had no clue." Gabriel smiled at him mockingly. "Well, it looks like I found a video song message from your boyfriend for you."

Blaine froze, but his eyes burned holes into Gabriel. "Are you sure it's from him?"

"Well, it was some pale-looking skinny lad singing that R.E.M. song _The __One __I __Love_ and the video was titled _Klaine_. Could be a coincidence, I don't know. It was dated almost two weeks ago."

Blaine furrowed his brow in confusion. "It doesn't sound like anything Kurt would sing... tell me more about it."

"Well, he wasn't alone, there were more kids, some with guitars and one guy playing drums. They were in some kind of school auditorium, I guess. A few girls sang background and this skinny guy sang the lyrics..."

It didn't sound like Kurt recorded the song in Dalton, Blaine wondered. Did he especially drive to McKinley to get some help from his New Directions friends for this?

"I suppose your boyfriend loves to sing just like you?"

"We're in glee club together," Blaine acknowledged. "He's got a beautiful voice, he's our countertenor."

"Now that I think about it, he kinda sounded off, like that wasn't his natural voice," Gabriel contemplated. "But then he looked somehow shaken, too. And he cried at the end of the song, so I suppose this is not how he usually sings..."

Blaine's hand clutched the front of his own shirt and tried to process the information, but all he could think of was, he cried, oh my dear, Kurt cried during a song, for him, a song message for him! Of course Blaine knew the song and the most important line...

_This __one __goes __out __to __the __one __I __love_...

Oh my God! Blaine closed his eyes and tried to stay calm, but his voice was trembling when he spoke again, "What do you mean he looked shaken? What did he look like?"

Gabriel shrugged. "Mostly sad, tired, bruised..."

"Bruised?" Blaine looked up sharp.

"His face was bruised pretty bad actually, like he'd been punched. Tried to cover it with make-up, but didn't help much."

Blaine's mind began racing. Why would Kurt look bruised? Why would he look like he'd been punched? Did something happen to him?

"You must show me this clip, Gabriel, please. Let me watch it on your iPhone!"

Gabriel just looked at him as if he'd gone nuts. "I can't let you see it and you know it."

"Of course you can," Blaine countered angrily. "Aren't you telling me all the time that this goddamn room isn't wired? You carry your phone in your pocket all the time and nobody cares. Nobody's interested in what happens behind these walls, right? This other orderly guy said just as much! You could rape me if you wanted to and nobody would bother! Maybe you'd even get a high five by your collegues."

Gabriel didn't look impressed by his outburst at all, so Blaine tried to calm down. "Look, you can't tell me things like this and then not show me. I need to _see_ if this song message is from Kurt. I need to _know_! Please, Gabriel, just _please_!"

"It could cost me my job," Gabriel said with an apologetic shrug and Blaine's face fell.

"But I've kinda grown fond of you. So I might be willing to take that risk and lend you my phone for a few minutes."

"Really?" Blaine looked at him with the most hopeful look in his eyes. But then he paused, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "What's the catch?"

A sassy smile curled up Gabriel's lips. "Well, if I give you what you want, you return the favor."

"You told me already there was nothing I could give you," Blaine reminded him, a bit clueless about what the other could possibly want from him. "I'm not worth a dime, remember?"

"I might've changed my opinion about your worthiness," Gabriel answered mysteriously and patted the spot to his left. "Join me down here."

Blaine got on the carpet and sat down next to the blond man, wrapping his arms around one knee. "What now?" Blaine asked impatiently, he just wanted to see Kurt and was willing to do whatever he needed to do.

For a moment Gabriel just looked at him and Blaine got nervous. He was afraid that Gabriel might change his mind and get up and leave without letting him see the video. But then the young man reached out and gently stroked some of the messy curls out of Blaine's face.

"If you don't want this, just shove me away," Gabriel finally said all serious, his brown eyes locked with Blaine's. "Don't punch or kick me, okay?"

With these words Gabriel leaned in, cupped Blaine's face with one hand and kissed him.

~ o ~ o ~

**Afterword: **

Hello again everyone! :)

Okay, in case you haven't noticed, Blaine's storyline has been one week behind Kurt's storyline. So now that one week has passed in Blaine's storyline, they're finally on the same level. Except for the six hour time difference between Ohio and California. So if it's Thursday in Blaine's storyline now, it's also Thursday over at Kurt's end, but Kurt is six hours ahead. Is everybody confused now? Great! XD

**Songs in this chapter: **

'Courage is' by the wonderful The Strange Familiar. Listen to it on youtube, it's really beautiful. (I've heard this song for the first time in a Kurt Hummel fanvideo on youtube.) Please forgive me that I put it in here as Blaine's own song, but I'm not a song writer and I couldn't have come up with an original song as beautifully as this one.

**Next chapter(s):**

**OK, seeing how this is chapter 20 (yay!) I'm gonna treat you by telling some up-coming stuff. No real spoilers, just general stuff, mostly. ;)**

I'm really bad at guessing how long this story will turn out to be. It might be another 20 chapters, maybe more, probably less. I have the ending already figured out, most of it anyway, and I have already written the beautiful scene when Klaine will be together again, however, that won't be soon, but it won't be at the very end either.

There'll be a little storyline with Karofsky involved, starting soon, and Kurt will have some trouble with Finn. ;)

There'll be another Rachel Berry House Party! XD

Valerie will show up again, yeah, there's no way we get rid of her and Devon soon. And yes, of course Blaine will be meeting Shane! Also he'll have a talk with his father personally in one of the next chapters, so we'll finally get to meet Mr Anderson!

Blaine will get out of the facility soon. He won't be celebrating his 18th birthday in there!

Blaine won't return to Ohio. :(

Kurt won't stay in Ohio. ;)

Blaine will be meeting some new characters. :)

There'll also be more song video messages – from both, Kurt _and_ Blaine!

Let me know if you want me to tell you up-coming _songs_ in advance, so you can puzzle over who sings which song to whom in which context. ;)

**Thank you for reading! :)**

**As always, reviews are totally awesome!**


	21. Sometimes

**Author's Note:**

**Hello everyone! :)**

**I'm fast with my updates lately, don't you think? I really shouldn't spoil you this much ;)**

**In this chapter Kurt's coming home. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I do. I heart me some Hummel-Hudson family ties. :D**

* * *

><p>To settle for doing <em>nothing<em> hadn't been an easy decision.

Burt had talked several times with Carole about it on the phone and he'd discussed it with Kurt in the car on their way back to Ohio. They had tried to think of all pros and cons.

If they went to the police to press charges against Devon McVaughn, they were sure the man had a perfect record and waterproof alibi, just like he'd claimed he had. If they dared to point their fingers at him and Blaine's father, Mr Anderson might turn to the media himself. Surely he had a spokesperson for that, a spin doctor, who'd make it look like Kurt was some poor kid who just sought attention by pointing at some random man claiming it was the one who'd beaten him up. Mr Anderson would turn the tables and humiliate Kurt in public and Burt couldn't allow that to happen.

Right now Kurt was no more than a disturbance in Mr Anderson's eyes, and already dealt with, done, filed away. If they started going for it, they'd raise his attention again and make themselves the enemy. A man like Mr Anderson could crush them, and he could buy the police, no doubt about that.

Burt knew that Kurt would love nothing more than to storm right into Mr Anderson's office and tell the man personally what he thought about him. However, Burt remembered the principal of Dalton telling him how hard it was to track the man down, and how impossible to get him on the phone. Apparently Mr Anderson had several offices, in Ohio, Colorado, Los Angeles and now also in New York and his secretaries would never tell you if he was in the house. You would only meet him in person if you got an appointment with him and the average man from the street of course would never get an appointment.

They had to face it, Blaine's father was a man who had money and power. He was no one you wanted to mess with.

And if they went public, not against Mr Anderson, but against that so called medical treatment center in which Blaine was being 'treated' and tell the world about this place and how kids were really treated in there, they would undoubtly just be smiled at.

First of all, they didn't even know for sure what this place was and how Blaine was doing in there. They just guessed that it was a facility that brainwashed people into being something they're not, mainly gays into straights. And if it really was such a place, it surely had a strong defense and thick walls, and no bad talk could make this facility crash down so easily. If authorities were to search this place, it was most likely that they wouldn't find anything compromising. And if patients were interviewed, they could easily put as mentally instable by the doctors.

Yes, it felt bad, doing nothing, but Kurt feared that any action on his part would end up somehow hurting Blaine, because if Mr Anderson got aware of Kurt's attempt to reach out for Blaine, he might let his anger out on his son. All they could do was wait and hope that Shane had more luck at getting to see Blaine and talk to his father.

"Hey buddy, we're almost home," Burt said and tried to sound cheerfully when they'd passed the welcoming town sign of Lima. He reached out and gently shook Kurt's shoulder. His son stirred and rubbed his face.

The ride back home had been uneventful. They hadn't spoken much, except for discussing their non-existent options. Kurt had slept most of the time or had been staring out of the window, distant and thoughtful. But thankfully there hadn't been more tears.

Of course Kurt hated the current situation. He was a kid of action and hated sitting around, not able to do something. He had never been the kind of person to hide away, he had always been someone to stand up for what he believed in. This was something that Burt had learned to admire and fear at the same time.

Of course his main focus had always been to protect his child. Long before Kurt had told him that he was gay, Burt had always assumed as much and he knew the danger his kid was in, walking in this world not caring about how the world saw him. More than once Burt had argued with Kurt about his son's wardrobe. He had given Kurt a car for his sweet sixteen on the condition to stop wearing knee-long sweaters that looked like dresses. All he had wanted was to protect Kurt from raising attention to himself and being bullied. But Kurt never changed who he was to please the world. And his sense for fashion was a subject you better not tried to interfere with.

Kurt was a strong kid, no doubt about that, but also he had limits. Like the time when he was being bullied by this Karofsky-kid. He'd tried to deal with it on his own, but eventually he had to admit that he couldn't go on anymore, being terrified every day, flinching at the sound of a locker being slammed shut. It had been a slap in the face to have Principal Sue Sylvester tell them that the school board decided not to do anything about the bullying and Dave Karofsky was allowed to come back to school like nothing happened. Those are the moments when your faith in justice and in authority shatters.

He knew how much Kurt had hated to leave McKinley, how he felt like a coward for running away and giving up, how he felt guilty that his parents had to cancel their honeymoon to pay for the tuition. But safety comes first. Always.

And sometimes you just didn't have the luxury to risk something when your safety – anybody's safety – was on the line.

* * *

><p>Burt was relieved when they finally arrived home and he could park in his driveway. It was Thurday evening and already dark outside. All he wanted was to kiss his wife, get on the couch and relax while watching something easy on TV, preferably a football game.<p>

Kurt got slowly out of the car and stepped around it to open the trunk.

Burt motioned to follow him and watch out for his son, because Kurt was still wobbly on his legs, but then his phone rang. Well, not his own, but Kurt's which he still held in possession. He looked at it and frowned. It was a call from an unknown number.

Preparing himself for any possible caller, Burt answered the call with an emotionless 'hello?'. There was no answer, but he heard the sharp intake of breath as if the caller was rattled by hearing his voice instead of Kurt's and then someone else said harshly, "Hey, what are you doing?"

The next second the line was disconnected and Burt stared at the phone for a long moment. What had just happened? Someone had just tried to call Kurt. But who? Blaine? The cursing voice hadn't been Blaine's, Burt was sure about that. He remembered how Kurt told him that he'd received a call from Blaine and the boy had just cried out Kurt's name. Could it be that Blaine was still trying to contact Kurt? That he somehow got hold of a phone? What now? Should he tell Kurt? But he didn't know for sure if it had been Blaine and it would only make Kurt wait for another call. No, he would keep the phone and make sure he didn't miss another call, if really it was Blaine calling.

Burt got out of the car and noticed that Kurt had stopped in his tracks on his way up the path to their frontdoor. "What's wrong? Go, get inside, it's cold," Burt ushered him and went to the trunk to get their luggage. Kurt made one step forward, but stopped again. "Can you... can you go ahead, please?"

Just now Burt noticed that Kurt was standing stock-still, like he was frozen on the spot. And then he saw it, too. If he hadn't been carrying two bags, he would have slapped his forehead for being so stupid and not seeing it before.

It was their entrance. All dark and murky and the deep shadows of those damn bushes. Why hadn't he noticed before? Not even the light right next to their door could prevent it from being creepy. Was Kurt just remembering New Year's again, when he'd gotten home in the dark approaching the house that should be his safety? Was his memory refreshed from his latest encounter with Devon? Burt made a mental note to chop off those bushes first thing in the morning and buy a brighter lamp.

"Sure, kiddo, no problem..."

"You're home!" The front door flew open and an excited Carole was running out to meet them. She flung her arms around Kurt and gave him an affectionate hug. "Oh, it's so good to have you back home."

"Hey, you're back!" Finn came out, too, and grabbed for Kurt's messenger bag, ignoring his brother's protest. He also took the bags Burt was holding and carried them inside.

"Come in, you must be so hungry," Carole said and linked arms with Kurt. "I have bought a bunch of vegetables and fruits for you, Kurt, we can put anything you want in the blender and make you some shakes."

"Sounds good," Kurt replied with a little smile. He joined Carole in the kitchen where she showed him the goodies. Kurt settled for an enormous pile of strawberrys that looked delicious.

"How about we make a strawberry milk shake for you?" Carole suggested eagerly.

"Good idea, Carole, but let me do it myself," Kurt said. "I guess you've got enough to do with preparing something for the two hungry bears in the living room."

Carole chuckled. "That's true. They won't be content with just a milk shake."

Finn waddled into the kitchen. "I've put your bags in your room, bro."

"Thanks, Finn." Kurt gave him a thin smile. He appreciated that neither Carole nor Finn asked about the trip or about Blaine. Apparently both knew already anyway, because his father had told them everything over the phone. Nevertheless Kurt didn't feel like talking about it. That's why he also hadn't replied yet to any of the text messages he'd received from Reed or Mercedes or Rachel. He just couldn't tell them about what Shane had said or about meeting Devon. He was well aware that his friends might have seen his pathetic 'total eclipse' message by now and could figure out themselves that his trip hadn't really been successful, so he needed not to tell them.

Finn lingered at his side as if he wanted to say something else and Kurt resisted looking up and encouraging him to speak. Whatever Finn was trying to say to make him feel better, it wouldn't work, so he didn't want to hear it and he didn't want Finn to bother saying it.

To Kurt's surprise Finn didn't retreat like he'd expected him to. Instead Finn came closer and looked over his shoulder, watching how Kurt was peeling off the green tops of the strawberrys. "Can I have some strawberrys, too?"

"No, those are for Kurt, honey," Carole explained from across the kitchen where she was working on a proper meal including potatos and meat.

"I think there are enough strawberrys to get several large glasses of milk shake," Kurt interjected with a shrug. "I'll make a big jug, so you all can have milk shake for dessert."

"Awesome!" Still standing behind him, Finn suddenly wrapped his arms around Kurt's neck and put his chin on Kurt's shoulder. Kurt immediately stiffened, not used to be embraced like this from Finn. It was unusual, but not bad.

"I'm glad you're back," Finn murmured and Kurt swallowed hard, resisting the urge to just lean back and close his eyes and allow himself to be held.

"I can't concentrate on getting this done when you're clinging to me like that, Finn," Kurt said with a sigh. "Maybe you could bring Dad a beer? I bet he would appreciate that. He's all worn out by the long drive."

"Yeah, good idea." Finn withdrew his arms – carefully, as if Kurt would crash the moment he let go of him – and opened the fridge.

* * *

><p>Burt was happy to see that Kurt didn't hide away in his room, but sat down with them in the living room to watch some TV. The boy had only been to his room to shower quickly and change into comfy clothes. For dinner Kurt had had some vegetables blenderized and now he sipped his strawberry milk shake with a straw. Burt was content to see Kurt getting something into his stomach. Sometimes all you needed to feel better was something to eat and a place by the fire surrounded by your family.<p>

Finn sat in the armchair, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, pretending to follow the movie while really he was watching his brother from the corner of his eye. Kurt wouldn't laugh at the funny parts or flinch at the scary parts or make _aww_-sounds at the romantic parts like he usually did. He just stared at the TV, but really he was pretty much blanked out. Finn could tell as much. After a while Kurt drifted off and fell asleep with his head leaning against his arm, his elbow propped against the armrest of the couch.

Carole gently shook him. "Kurt, why don't you to go upstairs and lie down?"

Kurt looked around, disorientated for a second, but then nodded. "Okay, good night." He got up and hid his hands inside his sleeves as if he was cold. Slowly he went upstairs, and the moment he'd left the living room Finn got restless. Yeah, he was worried about his brother, there was no denying that. He was still shaken by how crushed Kurt had sounded on the phone the other day, after he'd met Shane and this bastard Devon-guy, whom Finn would've loved to have met himself, introducing him to his fist. A moment later Finn excused himself and went upstairs to knock at Kurt's bedroom door.

"Come in." Kurt's voice was tired.

Finn opened the door a crack and stuck his head in. "Hi, it's just me."

He found his brother standing in front of his bed, staring down at the linen as if trying to figure out what the hell to do with this thing called bed. "Hey, first night in your own bed again, must be such a thrill," Finn tried to cheer him up. "I can't sleep anywhere else, too."

Kurt didn't say anything, he just tilted his head and sighed. One arm was hugging his chest, one hand rubbing his temple.

"Uhm... you OK?"

Kurt shook his head slowly and bit on his nails. "I shared this bed with Blaine," he murmured with a tremble in his voice, like he was entangled in a long lost dream. "He held me all night long as if he didn't want to let go... but then... he let go..."

Finn stepped closer and hugged Kurt from behind again, draping his arms gently around Kurt's neck. "Wanna bunk with me tonight?"

This time Kurt held on to Finn's arms. Usually he wasn't a very touchy person, but he found that he liked to be able to lean on Finn and find some comfort in his embrace. "If you don't mind?"

Instead of an answer Finn ran a hand through Kurt's hair to mess it up and when Kurt started complaining Finn swooshed his hand over Kurt's face, laughing at his brother's struggle against his grip. "Finn, you're such an idiot!"

"Hurry up to get your skin care routine done," Finn said and showed his lopsided grin, "and then meet me in my room."

"I'll skip skin care," Kurt said and grabbed his pillow to follow Finn.

"Woah, wait! You're skipping it? Why?"

"I'm already five days behind my moisturizer routine," Kurt raised his shoulders. "I don't need to make any efforts now."

"Oh, yes, you better!" Finn teased him. "Your skin looks all spotty already! And when was the last time you did your eyebrows?"

"You're right," Kurt said with a sigh and dropped his pillow again. "Your eyebrows could need a little shaping, too, by the way."

"Oh, no! Stay away from me!" Finn laughed. "I'm downstairs. Just take your time."

Kurt sat down in front of his vanity and reached out for his favorite skin care product, but as soon as his eyes met his reflection, he started shivering. He couldn't do this. He couldn't return to a simple day routine. He couldn't look himself in the eyes without seeing all the pain within.

His eyes strayed to the bracelet around his wrist. _Klaine_.

"Does it even mean anything to you anymore?" He whispered into the stillness. "Do you still believe in us, Blaine?"

He didn't go through with his routine. That weary feeling came back and he couldn't stand being alone. So he hastily changed into his pajamas, grabbed his pillow and hurried downstairs to Finn's room.

* * *

><p>Finn was sitting on the floor in front of his Playstation. He looked up when Kurt came in and patted the spot next to him. "Sit down and play with me."<p>

Kurt made a face. "I'm tired."

"Come on, you can't sleep anyway," Finn simply stated and Kurt knew it was true. So he collapsed down onto the thick carpet and reached for the second controller. "How does this work?"

Finn showed him which buttons he had to press and they started the game. Kurt turned out to be a natural and won constantly, making Finn groan in frustration. It was long after midnight when Burt showed up and told them to get to sleep.

"Kurt's bunking here, alright?"

Burt seemed surprised, but nodded. "Sure. But you're having school tomorrow, Finn. I'm not letting you skip it." It seemed to be a silent understanding that Kurt wouldn't return to Dalton for now. "'night you two," Burt closed the door again.

Finn got up and held his hand out to help Kurt getting up, too, but Kurt ignored it and got to his feet by himself. "I'll be in the bath," Finn said and headed to the door of his own little bathroom. "You can... you know... make yourself comfortable."

Kurt got into Finn's bed, gave his pillow a thud and then curled up on his side. It had been a long day and after the video game Kurt was too exhausted to let his mind linger on dark stuff. But he also didn't fall asleep instantly. Instead he tried to think of something nice and again the weekend Shane had stayed at Dalton came to his mind, and the silly fight he had had with Blaine and then he remembered the way they had made up...

* * *

><p>Kurt's hand was already raised to knock, when he heard someone playing the guitar behind the door and loud laughter. He loved to hear Blaine laugh. It was the most beautiful sound in the world, right next to hearing Blaine sing... or whispering sweet endearments into his ear.<p>

By the sound of it, Shane was in Blaine's room, the two of them joking around, making up funny songs. He envied their brotherhood a little bit. He'd never had someone to be this close to, except his father, but that wasn't really the same. Being brothers, knowing each other inside out, having spent their whole lives together. They had always had a playmate around, sharing candy and secrets, never been alone, gone through happy times and bad times together.

Kurt had grown up pretty much alone, he'd been bad at making friends. His father had done his best by inviting other kids his age and trying to make him more sociable. But there had always been awkward moments, situations he didn't understand but made him feel uncomfortable, kids were always laughing at him and he didn't know why and what was so funny when he suggested their Power Rangers should get married instead of fighting each other?

It was wonderful to see the way Blaine was with his brother, they were so at ease with each other. It made Kurt wonder if he and Finn would ever get along that well. Probably not. They had too many differences. He also wondered if the Anderson brothers would get along if Shane was straight. But then they had grown up together, so maybe their bond was beyond such boundaries.

Finally Kurt knocked softly on Blaine's door and entered at the sound of Blaine's voice telling him to come in. He stopped short, however, when he ran into a tall body that suddenly appeared from behind the door. "Hi Kurt, still angry?"

Kurt looked up at Shane with slidded eyes, a snarky response already on his lips, but then thought better of it and just sighed. "No, I'm not." After all he came to apologize and not to get into another silly argument.

"What a pity! We were just talking about how hot you are when you're angry," Shane said with a naughty grin.

"Shane! Let Kurt come in!" Blaine shouted from across the room, where he sat on his bed, hugging his guitar. Shane closed the door and put his arm around Kurt's shoulders, leaning in confidentially. "If you ever get bored with the hobbit, I'm used to be second after him."

"Stop calling me hobbit," Blaine growled. "And get your hands off my boyfriend."

"My hands are nowhere near your boyfriend!" Shane held his hands up while his arm still rested on Kurt's shoulders and he bumped Kurt playfully with his hip. Kurt bumped back and then ducked out from his grip and crossed the room to get out of Shane's reach. Kurt knew that Shane was just kidding and not really flirting with him. His intentions towards Reed were genuine, it was obvious every time they were in a room together. Shane would do anything for Reed if only Reed would give him a chance. But he was also a big clown and a teaser.

"Don't you have to go somewhere, Shane?" Blaine said with a obvious hint in his voice.

"Yeah, right, I'll go and leave you two alone so you can continue your smutty make-out session from earlier..."

"Shane!" Blaine sounded rather exasperated than angry. Shane winked at Kurt and left the room with his contagious grin. Smiling to himself Kurt walked across the room and leaned against Blaine's desk.

"Sorry about him," Blaine said with a nod in the direction Shane had disappeared.

"Don't be. He's still a child," Kurt said with a shrug.

Blaine lifted one brow. "He's just one year younger than me."

"Like I said, still a child," Kurt said with a smirk, ignoring the fact that he himself was just half a year older than Shane.

Blaine shook his head, a happy grin on his face. He started plucking lazily at the strings of his guitar. "How's Reed?"

"He was too embarrassed to talk with me about seeing us being _inappropriate_. But he'll recover. It's not like we were naked or something." As soon as the words left his mouth, Kurt blushed at the sudden imagine in his head. Blaine noticed and tried to hide a grin.

"I had to promise him, however, to never make out with you in his studio again, so you'd better behave from now on."

Blaine strummed a random melody on his guitar and said in a singing voice, "I'm so sorr-yyy for being in-appro-priate with youuuu!"

"You've got nothing to apologize for, Blaine," Kurt said with a heartily sigh, a grin tucking at the corners of his mouth. "You're an animal, you just acted on your instincs."

Blaine grinned back at his boyfriend, he definitely liked the teasing undertone in Kurt's voice. "I'm glad we talked about it."

Now Kurt came over slowly, gracefully and sat down right next to him. "I'm sorry, Blaine, really. I was unreasonable and I overreacted and well, I guess I was a total bitch to you and Shane, and I just want you to know that I'm sorry." Kurt let out a puff of air and bit his lips.

A smile spread across Blaine's face. "It's okay, I understand why you got angry... I would've gotten angry, too, if you'd grabbed my butt so shamelessly! Urgh!" Blaine joked and grimaced in utter disgust. Kurt just rolled his eyes, smiling.

"But to tell the truth, Shane was right about one thing, you know?" Blaine added and let his fingers run lightly over the strings of his guitar again.

Kurt raised one eyebrow. "Which is?"

"You're hot, Kurt Hummel," Blaine said and his eyes sparkled at him. "So please, _please_ don't stop wearing tight clothes! I love your pants. And I promise I'll be good from now on."

"You seriously think you can keep your hands off me?" Kurt asked with a challenge.

"Even when I do this?" Kurt leaned forward and slowly brushed his lips along Blaine's jaw while his right hand stroked along his collar bone, his fingers tickling the sensitive skin. It was teasing beyond fairness, but Blaine didn't seem to mind. He enjoyed being kissed and caressed by Kurt, although it was hard not being allowed to touch him back.

"Looks like your self-control is better than I'd thought," Kurt said, clearly impressed, and bumped his shoulder against Blaine's. Blaine bumped him back, with a happy grin on his face and then suddenly he started playing a joyful melody on his guitar and began to sing.

"It's not the way you lead me by the hand into the bedroom

It's not the way you throw your clothes upon the bathroom floor..."

"You wish!" Kurt said with a little laugh.

"Been thinking about you, I just couldn't wait to see

Fling my arms around you as we fall in ecstacy..."

Kurt smiled lovingly at him and although this was one cheesy eighty's song, he loved Blaine for putting so much passion into singing it.

"Ooh, sometimes

The truth is harder than the pain inside, yeah

Ooh, sometimes

It's the broken heart that decides"

Blaine kept the fast beat on his guitar and looked straight into Kurt's eyes with a sexy smile on his lips when he sang the next lines.

"It's not the way that you caress me, toy with my affection

It's not my sense of emptiness you fill with your desire

Climb in bed beside me, we can lock the world outside

Touch me, satisfy me, warm your body next to mine

Ooh, sometimes

The truth is harder than the pain inside, yeah

Ooh, sometimes

It's the broken heart that decides, woah!"

Kurt had lain back on Blaine's bed and as if on cue Blaine had abandoned his guitar to lay next to him. They had been melting into each other's eyes for a while until Blaine's fingers had started stroking Kurt's face, tracing patterns along his skin and brushing his fingertips over Kurt's lips.

Kurt had closed his eyes, not minding that Blaine couldn't keep his hands off him at all.

And then Blaine had replaced his fingers with his lips, tracing the same patterns as before on Kurt's face, his warm breath blowing over his skin as he left light kisses on his temples, his eye lids, cheeks and chin, until Blaine's mouth had found Kurt's and they had drowned in a kiss, forgetting about the world, forgetting about everything.

They were happy just like that, being together.

Although Blaine liked to tease him about it, he knew that his boyfriend didn't really want to sleep with him, not yet, they both weren't ready for that just yet and it was fine. They could wait. They had all the time in the world to be together.

Or so they'd thought in that moment.

* * *

><p>A lonely tear traced down Kurt's cheek.<p>

Blaine had been happy that day. They had been happy together... right?

That day it had just seemed like his boyfriend was acting out his adorable obsession with singing cheesy love songs. Blaine was a sucker for the top fortys, but also for classic love songs of the seventies or eightys, so it was no big surprise to hear him singing some _Erasure_ song. It had just been a random song Blaine had played to amuse him.

But what if Blaine had wanted to tell him something with this song, something he couldn't say out loud. Blaine has always been the kind of person to deal with his feelings in song. Had he tried to get some message across? Something else than, 'Climb in bed beside me'? What if he had meant to say, 'The truth is harder than the pain inside'?

Kurt hadn't noticed anything weird about his boyfriend that day. After a silly fight about inappropriate kissing and touching, Blaine had just wanted to tease him with this song, or so it had seemed to him. It never had occured to him that Blaine could hide something, something Kurt had been totally oblivious to, some kind of inner pain.

'I don't know what I'm doing,' Blaine had told him once. 'I pretent like I do and I know how to act it out in song, but the truth is...'

Kurt bit on his lips and wiped the stray tear off his cheek angrily.

What was the truth, Blaine?

No, he couldn't start recalling each and every moment he'd spend with Blaine and try to find some hidden meaning in words Blaine said and songs Blaine had used and blame himself for not noticing. Maybe there was no meaning at all. Maybe Blaine really had just snapped, like Finn had said.

But maybe he didn't know his boyfriend as well as he thought he did. Maybe...

Kurt was tired of these questions.

"You mind if I leave the bedside lamp on?" Finn asked as he crawled into bed beside Kurt. "We don't want me mistaking you for Rachel in the dark, do we?"

Kurt smiled at the sudden imagine in his head of Finn groping in the dark looking for a pair of boobs and the disappointment of realizing it was just him there. But then the imagine changed into Finn groping for other lady parts and Kurt definitely didn't want Finn groping anywhere near his lower sections.

"Yeah, no problem, keep the lights on," Kurt said hastily. "We don't want me mistaking you for Blaine neither."

Finn laughed at this. "I don't think that could happen. Compared to me he's a hobbit."

Kurt punched Finn's shoulder. "What? I'm just talking about size. Uhm, body size that is."

"Have you ever shared a bed with Rachel before?" Kurt couldn't help but wonder.

"No... well, kinda," Finn answered, a bit puzzled. "I fell asleep in her bed one afternoon when we were making out."

"You fell asleep while making out?" Kurt asked incredulously.

"Well, actually, it wasn't really making-out, it was more cuddling and talking. Rachel did the talking. A lot of it..."

Kurt smiled at this. It was easy being with Finn. No deep conversations required, no awkwardness anymore, just sharing a bed and not being alone. This was all Kurt needed right now.

Kurt felt safe at Finn's side. It was easy staying composed around Finn. It was as if Finn somehow absorbed all his dark feelings, all weariness and fear and turned it into easy going, because, well, Finn was easy going, a bit naive and simple-minded, but in a good way.

"I'm really glad you're back home," Finn said all of a sudden with a serious tone that was uncommon for him. He turned on his side, so they were facing each other.

"Me, too," Kurt answered mechanically.

"Do you wanna... you know... talk?"

Kurt shook his head. "No, I just want to sleep."

"Okay. Good night."

"Good night, Finn."

"Uhm... sometimes I dream of playing football... so just wake me up if I start flailing with my arms and hit you or something..."

"Thanks for the warning, I'll watch out for that."

"I almost broke Puck's nose with my elbow once when we were bunking together... just saying."

"I'll keep that in mind," Kurt said and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep with a smirk on his lips.

* * *

><p><strong>OK, guys, I have a few corrections to make:<strong>

1)

Thankfully _edannat_ has pointed out to me that apparently the time difference between California and Ohio is only three hours, not six. I did my research, I swear, but the internet has failed me. But well, three hours is fine with me. ;)

2)

In ch. 5 Kurt sings 'I Honestly Love You' to Finn and they talk about this song being from Olivia Newton-John. I was told now that this song is originally from the musical 'The Boy From Oz' which is about Peter Allen, the Australian composer who wrote I Honestly Love You and it is sung by Peter's lover Greg who died of AIDS. I have to say I like this background of the song definitely better and I bet Kurt knew this and would never really have thought the song was 'cheesy'. But I guess he wouldn't have made the effort to explain all this to Finn and just settled for saying the song was from ONJ. However, again I failed in my research. Sorry, guys! And thank you _25butterbeers_ for telling me about this! :)

3)

In ch. 1 Kurt talks about kissing Brittany and how it was 'nice' and her lips tasted like 'blueberry'! Well, that's what I thought he was actually saying in the show. But now I rewatched the episode a couple of times and I noticed that Kurt is actually saying kissing her was 'weird' and her lips tasted like 'root beer'! Wow, my hearing must've been really bad back then! XD

Please if you notice such mistakes and stuff, always tell me! I'm happy to be corrected. :)

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter:<strong>

Erasure – Sometimes

**Next chapter:**

Wow, I think Blaine and Gabriel are still kissing. I bet you wanna know what's going on there. ;)

**Thank you all for reading! **

**I love your reviews, so please write me some! :)**


	22. Lost without you

**Author's Note: **

**Hello guys! Sorry for the late update, but RL got in my way ;P**

**Thank you for all your reviews for the last chapter! I'm glad you all enjoyed Furt as much as I did. :)**

**Frances, since I can't private message you, I would like to thank you this way for your lovely reviews! And yes, I'm very committed to my story, it's all I can think of all day long, so no-one needs to worry that I might abandon it. I've still got a few twists and turns in my crazy head which I'm really looking forward to, so I can't wait myself until I get to those. Like I said, there's still a lot to come. XD**

**Poland, I love you so much! Your fabulous reviews keep me going ! :D And you're so right, somehow Kurt suffers much more than Blaine, although Blaine's the one who's locked-up and drugged and stuff. I'm being way too nice to Blaine and I think I need to change that. Not yet, though, as this chapter is still being nice to him, but after this one the good times are over for Blaine! ;)**

**So where are we? Oh, right, Blaine and Gabriel are still kissing. **

**Here we go!**

* * *

><p>Blaine wasn't as surprised as he should've been. Somehow he had seen it in Gabriel's eyes a couple of times already, the wish to be closer to him, even the desire to kiss him.<p>

But now that it was actually happening, Blaine sat stock-still on the floor and resisted the urge to back off. It was just a kiss, he told himself, and if this was what he had to do to see the video message of Kurt...

So Blaine closed his eyes and didn't struggle when Gabriel dug both hands into his hair and pressed his mouth determined on his. He felt the man's tongue lick over his lips and allowed him to deepen the kiss.

Blaine moved his mouth against the other one's mechanically. It felt strange and wrong and it was _nothing_ like kissing Kurt. There were no feelings involved, at least no affectionate ones. All he felt was the obligation to do this to be able to see the video message from Kurt, and his curiosity towards Gabriel.

Well, apparently Gabriel was gay, it was safe to assume as much now. So why was he working in a place like this? What was Gabriel thinking right now? What did this mean to him?

Although Blaine wasn't much experienced with stuff like this - and had even been totally oblivious to Kurt's crush on him for a ridiculous long time - he could tell that Gabriel had been attracted to him for a while. And Gabriel wasn't as good in hiding his feelings as Kurt was. However, he was good in confusing people and never letting them know if he was being serious or not.

But this didn't feel like fooling around. If Gabriel just wanted to be turned on, he wouldn't be so gentle, would he? And despite the circumstances, Gabriel's kiss was sweet and tender and his hands played with the long curls in Blaine's neck and caressed his collarbone with a gentleness that was highly irritating. Blaine had expected something like this to be demanding and rough and violating. Apparently Gabriel didn't do this to show off the position of power he held over Blaine.

And somehow the gentleness made it that much worse.

If Gabriel would force himself on him, at least it would feel like the violent act that it actually was. This sweet way was difficult to deal with.

_If you don't want this, just shove me away..._

It was unfair to give him a choice when there really was no choice. Blaine would rather have him violate him than being confronted with this gentle way.

And now, after the first moment of irritation had passed, Blaine got angry with Gabriel.

For making it sound like he had a choice!

For letting him make the decision to kiss him!

For making it look like he wanted to be kissed by him!

Of course Blaine didn't want this. The least thing he wanted to do was cheat on Kurt. He was just going along, because he had to. A French kiss in exchange for the usage of his phone. This was just business, a simple trade.

The kiss lasted long, too long, and Blaine needed to break free.

"Enough!" He put a hand on Gabriel's chest and shoved him away, panting heavily and barely resisting to wipe his mouth. Tears were burning in his eyes – angry, confused, stinging tears, but he held his chin up high.

Gabriel sat back and stared at him, but didn't move to get more.

And before Blaine could catch on with the world spinning around him, Gabriel tossed him the phone.

"You have ten minutes. Enjoy."

Gabriel turned away, leaned back against the wall once more and closed his eyes.

For a second Blaine was slow to follow, too surprised by suddenly holding a phone in his hands. Finally, after all these weeks, he would be able to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend. Gabriel had already started Google for him, all Blaine had to do was enter a search... What did Gabriel say had been the title of the video he'd seen? _Klaine_...

Blaine typed the six letters and a second later Google offered him several suggestions, one of them a clip on youtube called _klaine__ – __the __one __i __love_. It took a while to upload and Blaine waited impatiently, holding his breath without realizing it.

And then his heart skipped a beat when he saw Kurt standing onstage of the McKinley auditorium with all his New Direction friends in the background, some of the guys with instruments, the girls standing in front of a row of microphones. Before the song started Kurt had his head bowed, a microphone clutched in his hand.

Blaine saw at once that something was wrong with him. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something about Kurt's whole posture told him that Kurt wasn't quite himself. His usual confidence whenever he was onstage was clearly lacking. He didn't enjoy this, he wasn't excited to be about to perform a song and this was not for fun.

When the music started and the girls hummed the melody, Kurt sang the first line and looked up into the camera. Blaine gasped and his hand flew up to cover his mouth. What on earth had happened to Kurt's face? What had caused those awful bruises?

He was shocked by the sight of Kurt. His boyfriend looked really bad, thinner and paler than usual and the bruises on the left side of his face made Blaine forget how to breathe. And apart from the shocking bruises, Kurt looked so sad and tired. Blaine wanted to reach out and hold him and comfort him. Kurt was worried about him and his worry was draining him.

Tears blurred his vision and Blaine tried to blink them back. He couldn't allow himself to cry now, nothing should disturb this moment, his only chance to finally take a look at his boyfriend. He didn't want to miss one single expression of Kurt's face. He could disolve into tears later when his time was up and Gabriel would demand his phone back.

_This one goes out to the one I love  
>This one goes out to the one I've left behind<em>

And what was with Kurt's voice? It was unexpectedly low. But not only did he sing in a deeper pitch than usual, he also sounded like he had trouble breathing. And was he just imagining things or was Kurt wrapping one arm around his chest in a protective way like he was in pain?

The girls gave everything when they belted out the line about the fire, raising their voices in a way Kurt couldn't in the state he was in. 'Fire! Yeah, I'm burning, too,' Blaine thought bitterly, 'and I swear, I will start a fire as soon as I can.'

In the end of the song Kurt extended his right hand towards the camera as if wanting to reach out and touch him and Blaine smiled due to the gesture, because this was his oh so dramatic boyfriend, and then Blaine noticed something golden glitter around Kurt's wrist and Gosh, it was his bracelet, wasn't it? Blaine's eyes instantly filled with tears again when he saw that Kurt was wearing the _Klaine_ bracelet.

When the clip ended Blaine noticed there were more videos, one of the New Directions and one of his friends, the Warblers. Blaine began watching both but as soon as he noticed Kurt wasn't in them, he stopped the clips and looked for more, he didn't have much time to waste...

And then there was another one, titled 'klaine – total eclipse' and while he was waiting for the clip to upload all Blaine could see was a close-up view of Kurt's face, however cut off horizontally, only visible nose, mouth and chin, his beautiful neck and his right hand resting on his collarbone, the _Klaine_ bracelet glistening in the blue light of a computer screen which was illuminating Kurt's pale skin.

Finally the video started playing and he heard Kurt's voice, so rough and teary, and again Blaine held a hand over his mouth, holding back a sob and trying hard not to cry, not yet.

_Every now and then I get a little bit lonely  
>And you're never coming round<em>

He'd thought Kurt looked bad in the first video, but this was so much worse. The bruises in his face were fading, alright, but he looked so thin and hopeless, just like a shadow of himself.

_Every now and then I fall apart  
>And I need you now tonight!<br>I need you more than ever!_

Please, what happened that made you so miserable, Kurt? This can't be just because I'm not with you, can it? Blaine was biting his lips and couldn't help but wonder what had gotten Kurt into this pitiful state.

_And __if __you'll __only __hold __me __tight  
>we'll <em>_be __holding __on __forever!_

In the end of the song, Kurt's voice was failing him. He was hardly singing anymore, but getting the lines out in a painfully strangled whisper and he reached up to wipe a tear from his cheek and bowed his head and in this one second you could see his eyes, filled with so much sadness and pain that it broke Blaine's heart.

And he wanted so unbelievably, incredibly, indescribably damn much to be with Kurt right now in this moment, see him, talk to him, hold him, kiss him and make the pain go away!

_Once __upon __a __time __there __was __light __in __my __life__  
><em>_But __now __there's __only __love __in __the __dark...__  
><em>

The clip ended and left Blaine with a highly disturbing feeling. He'd never seen Kurt like this, and it wasn't just the fact that his boyfriend was crying during a song and obviously had been crying before, too. It was the fact that Kurt was recording himself in this state and putting the clip on youtube, showing the world how miserable he was.

Crying in public was a big no-go for Kurt, he was a person who would hide his tears and never let anyone see he was hurt. And yet there he was, recording a song message for him, with the slightest chance of him ever seeing it, not caring who else would see. How brave. How baffling. How distressing.

How desperate must Kurt feel if shouting his pain out into the world was the only option left? And Blaine found himself wondering once more what was being said about him. What was his family telling his friends about his whereabouts and his wellbeing? Valerie had told him that they had cleared his room in Dalton and that he wouldn't be returning to Ohio at all. Clearly Kurt must have heard about all that.

Blaine watched the 'total eclipse' clip again and just now noticed Kurt's surroundings. Where on earth was Kurt in this shot? This wasn't his dormitory room in Dalton neither his bedroom in Lima. If Blaine had to guess he'd say it looked a lot like a motel room. What did this mean?

Blaine checked the date of the clip and gasped when he saw that it was just from two days ago! Where are you, Kurt? What are you doing in a motel all by yourself? Blaine wished he could call him and ask him what was going on – and suddenly Blaine realized that he held a cell phone in his hands.

After a quick look at Gabriel who still had his eyes closed, Blaine punched Kurt's phone number in and waited for the connection to build up. He raised the phone to his ear, anxious to hear Kurt's voice again and speak to him if only for a few words, but when the phone was answered he was taken aback, because it wasn't Kurt's sweet voice, but a deep and rather unfriendly bass... his father?

And Blaine was just catching his own breath to speak, when Gabriel looked up and shouted, "What are you doing?" The man snatched the phone away from him and hung up on the call.

The thoughts in Blaine's mind were toppling over one another and he grew desperate. He needed to know why Kurt's father had answered his phone. Had something happened to Kurt, so he couldn't do it himself? "Let me make one call!" Blaine pleaded. "I need to talk to him!"

"Are you crazy?" Gabriel replied angrily. "It's one thing to let you watch this stuff, but if they find out I let you _talk_ to someone I'm fired for sure!"

"So what?" Blaine retorted. "You said you wanted to leave anyway!"

"Fine! Since you don't care, I'll ask _Jason_ to take really good care of you before I leave!"

"The thing is you _don__'__t_ want to leave!" Blaine shouted back. "You're here for three years now! If you really wanted to leave, you could be long gone by now! But maybe you simply enjoy kissing your male patients too much, because in real life you're too scared to tell people you're gay!"

For a second Gabriel looked hurt as if Blaine's words had struck him. "You don't know anything about me, Kitty!" Gabriel hissed at him and moved to get up on his feet. Blaine noticed that Gabriel's phone was still on which meant he still had a chance to use it, if only...

Without thinking about it, Blaine attacked Gabriel. He pushed Gabriel back and the man lost balance and tumbled over, but not losing grip of the phone. Blaine was over him and tried to pry it out of Gabriel's hand, but his opponent clutched it tight and fought back, holding Blaine at bay with his elbow.

"Stop it!" Gabriel warned, but Blaine couldn't, with his focus only on getting the phone, he hit Gabriel's wrist hard and the man cried out in pain and let go of the phone which scattered over the floor.

Blaine started crawling on hands and knees towards it, but Gabriel grabbed his left foot and stopped him with an abrupt move, causing Blaine to fall hurtfully on his face. The boy stretched his arm, but the damn phone was just out of reach. With a cry of frustration Blaine kicked with his free foot without looking at his opponent and hit Gabriel hard. The man cursed in pain and released his grip on the boy.

Blaine lunged forward and finally held the phone in his shaking hands. His heart was beating out of his chest by now and his hands were sweaty, he tried to push the re-dial button, but then a heavy weight was thrown on his back, knocking all breath out of him and causing him to lie facedown on the floor.

Gabriel was on top of him, grabbing Blaine's arm and yanking it on his back, tearing the phone out of his fingers again. "Stop it, Wildcat, just stop it, will ya?"

"Let me call him!" Blaine pleaded in a strangled voice. It drove him crazy! Kurt was just one phone call away, just on the other end of the line, if only he could make that call! "I need to call him!"

"I know how you feel," Gabriel assured him in a surprisingly calm voice, still holding Blaine down.

"How can you possibly know how I feel?" Blaine huffed angrily from his pitiful position on the floor. "How it feels to care about someone so much that you would do anything to just talk to him?"

"I _know_," Gabriel repeated with a wearily sigh. He let go of Blaine and stood up.

Blaine turned and rubbed his aching arm. He looked up at Gabriel and was shocked to see that the man's lip was bleeding and his cheek started swelling where Blaine's foot had hit him. Gosh, he'd actually kicked him in the face! The realization of his actions left Blaine dizzy. He had never physically hurt someone before.

Gabriel turned his phone off, so Blaine would need the PIN to activate it again. Without so much as granting him one more look, Gabriel trotted into the bathroom to examine his injuries in the mirror.

Blaine staggered to his feet and followed him. "I'm... I'm sorry, Gabriel, I didn't mean to hurt you," Blaine leaned into the door, miserable and shaken. "That's not who I am. I despise violence! I don't know what's gotten into me."

Gabriel didn't say anything. He wetted a cloth and dabbed carefully at his lip, wiping the blood off the cut. Blaine felt a fear creeping up. "Do you have to report this? Will you tell them that I attacked you?

"Well, I could tell them I walked into a door, but that would make me sound incredible stupid, don't you think?" Gabriel snarled at him. "But on the other hand, that's what I am, right? So stupid to be nice to you..."

"I won't ever attack you again, I swear," Blaine apologized once more. "Please, don't let them send another orderly to me."

With two fingers he touched his teeth, checking if none of them were loose. "I swear to God, if you'd hit my nose again, I'd killed you," Gabriel sighed and rushed past him, took the tray and left the room before Blaine could stop him.

Blaine had no strength to think about Gabriel now. He crawled into bed, pulled the pillow over his head and shut his eyes. In his mind he repeated Kurt's video clips over and over again, memorized them and stored them away. Kurt had looked so devastated, so desperate and it tore at Blaine's heart. He needed to get out of here. He needed to talk to Kurt and make him feel better.

_Once upon a time I was falling in love,  
>now I'm only falling apart.<em>

Please Kurt, don't give up on me. I'm suffering just as much as you do. I need you! I wish I could tell you, I wish there was some way I could tell you how much I miss you.

Believe me, I'm lost without you.

* * *

><p>A nightmare was haunting Blaine whenever he fell asleep.<p>

He was trapped in a maze with a high dark hegde very similar to the one Harry Potter had to challenge in the movie in which Robert Pattinson died. Running along those endless rows was terrifying and he turned at every little sound in panic.

How the hell had he gotten in here? And how the hell would he get out again? There was no one there to show him the direction or to explain the damn rules to him. He was painfully on his own, stumbling and straying helplessly around the place with one path looking exactly the same as the last, and no way out.

However, the worst thing was that he knew that Kurt was in here, too.

Every now and then he could hear him calling his name, and Blaine answered, shouting as loud as he could, "I'm here, Kurt! I'm here!" But it was as if Kurt couldn't hear him, because he would continue his desperate calling.

"Blaine, where are you? Please answer me! Are you here somewhere? Blaine!"

Apparently Kurt was moving around in the maze just like he was, sometimes he seemed to be so close, like they would finally meet just around the next corner, and Blaine would run faster, not caring about the branches scratching him or the roots on the ground making him stumble, just desperate to finally see his boyfriend again.

"Kurt, I'm right here! Can't you hear me? Just follow my voice!" But behind each corner there was just another empty path and his hope faded with every step, until he knew that he would never find the right way to get to where Kurt was.

Kurt would always be just out of reach.

"I'm here, Kurt, please, don't go away! Don't give up on me..."

In the end of the dream he would either run through the maze screaming Kurt's name in sheer despair, or he would simply sit down silently, knowing he was lost and there was no escape from this place.

All he could do was wait and hope for Kurt to come to him.

But no matter which ending, he would always wake up drenched in sweat, his heart racing and with the terrifying knowledge that he had failed in reuniting with his boyfriend and that maybe Kurt wouldn't be waiting for him forever...

* * *

><p>Blaine woke up with a jerk. His legs were tangled into the blankets and he was feeling groggy of sleep while flashes of the nightmare still tugged at him.<p>

Kurt would wait for him, right? But what if Blaine'd had to stay in this place for longer? Much longer? What if he couldn't escape? What if…? No, stop it! The thing was, apparently Kurt was waiting for him, but all this goddamn waiting made him sick and Blaine didn't want to see his boyfriend being so miserable, because of him, and there was nothing he could do to make Kurt feel better. And now he'd even screwed up his only chance of EVER getting near a phone again, because after his imprudent attack there was no way Gabriel would want to help him again.

A look outside the window at the night sky told him he'd slept all afternoon. Soon Gabriel would show up again to accompany him to the community bathroom. That was, if Gabriel was still his orderly. Maybe he'd had enough of him and would send another nurse to take care of him.

Blaine drew his legs closer to his body and hugged his knees. He was already trembling in the prospect of another ice bath. But to think he had to go there with someone else, someone like that Jason guy, made him shiver in panic...

But maybe Gabriel would stay with him, if only to get some kind of revenge. Maybe he'd torture him by letting him stay in the bath extra long. Maybe he wouldn't bring the blow dryer today, so he could climb into bed freezing. Maybe... Blaine heard someone at the door and looked up with a mix of anticipation and dread.

The door opened and for a second he was relieved to see that it was Gabriel who came in. Then Blaine got confused, because he couldn't really believe or even understand what he was seeing. The blond guy was carrying a guitar. Immediately Blaine sat up straight and watched Gabriel suspiciously.

"Hi," Gabriel said casually as if nothing had happened. As if there hadn't been a kiss and a kick in his face and an embarrassing pathetic fight over a phone earlier today. As if they weren't patient and nurse in a mental facility, but friends who were meeting somewhere downtown for a coffee and a chat. Except there was no coffee… Gosh, when was the last time Blaine had had a coffee? Funny how you don't appreciate the simple things until you can't have them.

Now, Gabriel didn't bring him coffee, instead there was a guitar which Gabriel now put on the bed in front of Blaine without a word of explanation.

Blaine brushed back his curly hair - which annoyed him more with each passing day - and stared at Gabriel questioningly. "What's with the guitar?"

"You said your singing was better along with a guitar, so I nicked this one from the music therapy group." Gabriel shrugged as if this was nothing. "Maybe it helps you to figure out your songs."

Blaine felt like swimming in a pool of emotions, not knowing which one's exactly he should be feeling right now. He wanted to cry in happiness and cry in misery, hug Gabriel for not leaving, for coming back to him, he wanted to pinch himself to see if he was dreaming, and couldn't decide if this was a dream or a nightmare or a dream inside of a nightmare.

And he'd never thought he'd be this happy about seeing a guitar in his whole life and at the same time so miserable, because he was reduced to this, to feel thankful for a sweet gesture and then also fear it, because nothing came for free.

And hey, there really was a freaking music therapy group in this place? Why couldn't he participate in that group? Apparently, because his father didn't think music was good for anything. But what the hell did his father know anyway? He swallowed hard, trying not to get angry at the world in general and his father in particular again. He knew his anger would get him nowhere.

Still sitting on his bed Blaine carefully pulled the guitar into his lap and embraced it, he stroked the strings almost lovingly and testing the feel of it, as every guitar was different. He was aware of Gabriel's eyes on him and he wondered once more what on earth was wrong with this guy?

At lunchtime he'd attacked Gabriel for his phone and kicked him in the face where now was a swollen dark bruise, and tonight he brought a gift? Was he a masochist? Apparently so, because the first day they'd met Blaine'd broken Gabriel's nose – although he couldn't really remember that – and now he'd almost knocked his teeth out, but still he stayed with him. Blaine kept all his twisting emotions under control and simply whispered a genuine, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Gabriel replied and sat down on the bed opposite of Blaine.

"Do we have to go to the baths now?" Blaine asked with a sigh.

"Nope," Gabriel answered. "That therapy is cancelled."

Blaine looked up with wide eyes, not daring to feel relieved in case Gabriel was only joking. "Really? Why?"

Gabriel shrugged a bit. "I told your father that new studies have found out that constant freezing can cause brain damage and he told Dr. Nolan to stop the ice baths immediately. Apparently he doesn't want a retard for a son, so Dr. Nolan quit that program."

Blaine was speechless. Not only did Gabriel bring him a gift, he also had managed to convince his father that he had to stop those hateful ice baths. Gosh, no more ice cold water. It was a dream come true to never having to go there again.

"But I don't know what Dr. Nolan will come up with for you next," Gabriel said with a shrug. "Soon you might be wishing for the baths again."

"I don't think so," Blaine said with a little laugh and continued giving all his attention to the beauty in his arms. He picked at the guitar's strings and tilted his head to the side, listening intensely to the guitar's voice, then tightened a string. Although he seemed to be occupied by his new toy, his mind was working nonstop.

He needed to get to know Gabriel better. He needed to find out how far Gabriel would go for him. Maybe he could get a message to Kurt or Shane with Gabriel's help. Blaine didn't feel good about wanting to use the man, and he felt even worse about what he had to give Gabriel in return for his help, but the man was his only chance to somehow communicate with the outside world. At least he had to try his chances. So he decided to approach the subject carefully.

"I was wondering... about the kiss..." Blaine tried to keep his voice neutral, not disapproving or judging. "Is this how you usually treat your patients?"

Gabriel looked kind of hurt for a second before his sassiness returned and he said with a shrug, "It's not unusual to have fun with anyone."

"Tom Jones, first released in 1965, reproduced in 1987," Blaine replied immediately and added with a casual shrug of his own, "Guessing song lines is one of my favorite games."

"What is it with you and songs, huh?" Gabriel asked with a chuckle. "They made you lose your memory, but there seems to be a hidden store of song texts in your brain."

Blaine shrugged again and a grin spread on his face. "I love singing and that's a good song!" And Blaine started playing the melody on the guitar and sang cheerfully.

"It's not unusual to be loved by anyone  
>It's not unusual to have fun with anyone<p>

But when I see you hanging about with anyone  
>It's not unusual to see me cry<p>

Ohhh I wanna die!"

Gabriel grinned back at him, his arms folded and shook his head. "No, you don't."

Blaine blinked at him. "What?"

"You don't want to die," Gabriel stated simple as a fact. "And I don't think you ever have. You're not the suicidal type. At all. Believe me, I can tell."

Blaine turned serious. "Then what happened to me?"

"I don't know," Gabriel squinted his eyes at him. "But I don't believe you wanted to kill yourself."

"I remember taking the pills..." Blaine said with a sigh. "I just don't remember why. Whatever it was, though, I wouldn't do it again. I don't know why I did it that night... Is it important anyway? Isn't the future more important than the past?"

"The past can be haunting if you can't figure it out."

This made Blaine look up and for a moment they just looked at each other, a sad look settled on Gabriel's face. "You love this guy, Kurt, right? If you really love him, you wouldn't be able to leave him like that. Death is pretty final, you know. It just doesn't make sense."

"Tell me about it," Blaine muttered with a tired laugh. "My whole life doesn't make sense anymore. I woke up in this nightmare and there's just no way out! All I can do is sit and wait! But I'm afraid that with each passing minute Kurt will only suffer more and more. The waiting will drive him insane, especially when he doesn't know a thing about what's happening to me. I just know if it was the other way around, I'd go crazy without him. I couldn't stand not knowing where he was and if he was alright. And you've seen the latest video clip of him, haven't you?"

Blaine closed his eyes and drew a breath. Thinking of the way Kurt had sung in the second clip was making his stomach clench and his throat go tight. But it didn't help Kurt if he sat here crying. So he tried to breath calmly and strummed another chord on the guitar. He started playing softly with no particular melody in mind, just the feel of the strings underneath his fingers was soothing him. For a while they just sat there, Blaine plucking at the guitar and Gabriel listening to him play.

"I offer you this," Gabriel suddenly spoke up. "I record you singing with my phone. I won't put it on youtube, but I will send a copy of it privately to whoever you want me to."

Blaine didn't dare believing that Gabriel was for real. This was too big an offer to be paid with just a kiss. "What do you want in return?"

Gabriel shrugged nonchalantly. "I'll think of something."

"I won't... sleep with you... or something..." Blaine said awkwardly and even blushed when Gabriel chuckled.

"Is sex all you can think of?"

"What else could you want from me?"

"I'll figure something out," Gabriel said with that sly smile of his which wasn't very reassuring. But what choice did Blaine have?

"How will I know you've really send it away?"

"No one will know except the person I send it to, that's why I'm gonna private message it," Gabriel said all smart-mouthed and cocked his head. "And if that person is smart enough he or she won't make the clip public either, because if the wrong people see it, they'll be able to do the math and know I made the video of you and then I'm fired. And we don't want that to happen, do we?"

Blaine didn't say anything, he just stared at the man and found himself wondering again what Gabriel's story was. Why was he here? Why was he working in this place? Why was he helping him?

"Choose a song," Gabriel said while settling down on his favorite spot on the floor, a good distance away from Blaine, apparently in case Blaine got tempted to assault him for his phone again. He'd be able to turn it off before Blaine was all over him. "Just a song. No spoken message, no _I__'__m __in __this __awful __place, __get __me __out __of __here_! Okay?"

A song? Gosh, there were like a thousand songs he could sing to Kurt, but right now Blaine couldn't think of one of them! And he knew that whatever he would be singing, in the end he'd wish he'd sung something else anyway, so he just stroked the guitar again and thinking of Kurt he played the first thing that came to his mind.

"I swear that I can go on forever again  
>Please let me know that my one bad day will end<p>

I will go down as your lover, your friend  
>Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin<p>

Are you afraid of being alone?  
>Cause I am<br>I'm lost without you

Are you afraid of leaving tonight?  
>Cause I am<br>I'm lost without you

I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you  
>I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you<p>

Where are you now?

I can hear footsteps  
>I'm dreaming<br>And if you will  
>Keep me from waking to believe this<p>

Are you afraid of being alone?  
>Cause I am<br>I'm lost without you

Are you afraid of leaving tonight?  
>Cause I am<br>I'm lost without you..."

He only stopped singing when the tears that streamed down his face choked him up and no more word was able to leave his mouth. He wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt and looked over at Gabriel who'd just stopped recording him.

"Whom should I send it to? I suggest not to your boyfriend directly."

For a moment Blaine's mind was blank, but then... "Send it to Rachel Berry on her youtube account. It's where Kurt has uploaded his video clips, too. She'll pass it on to him."

Gabriel nodded in agreement and stood up again. "I have to go," he said after a look on his watch and turned to the door.

Blaine still held the guitar in possession. "What about this?"

"Keep it for now, but hide it under your bed. And don't use it to hit someone with it, please? I would have to take the responsibility for providing you with such a weapon."

This made Blaine smirk. "Hey, don't give me ideas!"

Gabriel turned to the door again, his hand on the knob already, when he hesitated again. "I don't, by the way," he said out of the blue, but Blaine immediately caught his drift even before Gabriel went on, "I don't kiss patients or take advantage of them."

"Why me?" Blaine narrowed his eyes at him. "Why do you do all this for me?"

Gabriel watched him for a moment as if struggling with himself whether or not to tell.

"You... remind me of someone."

"Someone?" Blaine carefully prompted.

"A boy I once loved," Gabriel admitted.

"Tell me about him."

"No," Gabriel shook his head. "I can't." With this he opened the door abruptly and when he left the room it looked like he was on the run.

Blaine raked a hand through his untamed hair – Gosh, how he longed for some goddamn gel! – and settled more comfy on his bed, hugging his new best friend and letting his fingers pick idly at the strings.

His thoughts lingered a while on Gabriel's rushed escape.

Well, it seemed they all had their demons to fight.

But then a sigh of relief escaped his lips. Finally he would be reaching out for Kurt. Kurt would see the video and know he was alright and still in love with him and pretty much lost without him, and Kurt would stay strong and wait and they would be together again someday. Hopefully soon. He would do anything for that, and Kurt would finally know.

He wasn't even afraid of falling asleep anymore. Once the fog cleared and you got some directions, the maze wasn't as hopeless as it seemed in the beginning and maybe Kurt would be hearing his shouts from now on. At least he hoped so.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, okay, I can hear you all shouting at me now: "What? That's what you call being nice to Blaine?" <strong>

**Well, actually, yeah! He got to watch Kurt's videos, he was given a guitar, he could make his own video song! Aaand he doesn't have to go to the ice baths anymore. I think I'm being pretty dang nice to him.**

**But that'll change from now on ;)**

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter:<strong>

R.E.M. – The one I love

Bonnie Tyler – Total eclipse of the heart

Tom Jones – It's not unusual

Blink 182 – Lost without you

**Next chapter: **

It's Friday and Kurt tries to fight his demons, but they're very clingy!

Oh, and the song in the next chapter will be 'No air'! ;)

**Reviews are sunshine and klainebows to me! :D**


	23. No air

**Author's Note: **

**OK everyone, (drum roll, please, Finn!) let's take a moment to celebrate 100 reviews! :D**

**Now, when I first started this story back in the days I'd never dreamed that this day may come! :') All your love has kept me going and I'm so happy that you all enjoy this story as much as I do and I hope you'll continue to like it, because it's far, far from over. **

**Here comes a HUGE THANK YOU to you, Poland, because your last review was the hundredth review for No Regrets! *applause* Sadly I don't have a price for you, but I think my eternal gratitude and happiness beats a lousy trophy, don't you think? Seriously, I don't know where I'd be without you today, but surely not with 100 reviews ;)**

**OK, back to business, everyone! Many of you have asked me to add some happiness into the story. Wow! I'll try, I promise, but that's a tough task to accomplish. ;) Apparently I can't have Kurt all happy-go-lucky while Blaine is locked away, and I can't have Blaine being happy with his situation either. But I'll do my best to give them both a little bit of sunshine every now and then. Because their happiness is your happiness and your happiness is my happiness. Gosh, I'm all sentimental right now… but 100 reviews… really, I love you, guys!**

**Also thank you again, Poland, for the line about Finn! I just had to use it, little thief that I am (you'll recognize it, when you read it)! And I know how much you love awkward, so here comes awkward just for you.**

**So, where was Kurt the last time we saw him? Oh right, in bed with Finn. I think it's time to wake up now.**

**Prepare for awkward ;)**

* * *

><p>On Friday morning Finn woke up long before his alarm clock rang to announce another school day.<p>

He woke up, because he had a weird feeling that something was not like it used to be, and mainly because he couldn't move. Something heavy was lying on top of him and he felt hot and sweaty underneath whatever it was.

As he opened his eyes his vision was blurred by chestnut brown hair, but when he focused his gaze he recognized the tip of a well-known nose. Woah! Kurt was spread on him, sound asleep and unaware of whom he was currently misusing as a mattress.

At first impulse Finn wanted to shove Kurt out of bed. But then with his injuries still being painful and all, Finn didn't want to be the one to add any more bruises on Kurt's body. Also somehow this was kind of cute, just like how a real little brother would sleep next to his big brother – let's just forget about the fact that Kurt was a few months older than Finn – and well, he just couldn't wake him up.

Kurt's head rested on Finn's chest, one arm was wrapped firmly around Finn's middle and one leg stretched across Finn's lower sections. Speaking of which... Woah, Finn had a boner! Not cool!

Finn hoped dearly Kurt wouldn't wake up and notice, because with his thigh right on _it_ Kurt simply couldn't _not_ notice once he woke up. But then another thought struck him. What if Kurt had morning wood, too? Actually, what was that feeling of something hard pressing against his hip just where Kurt was curled into his side? Don't think about it don't think about it oh for goodness' sake _don__'__t_ think about it!

As much as Finn wanted to escape, he was trapped in Kurt's arms and underneath his whole body, which weighed oh so amazingly on his boner. If only Rachel would place herself onto his lap like this… Geez! He shouldn't be thinking of making out with Rachel! He needed a turn-off, not a turn-on.

Well, no harm done. Yet.

Finn's alarm clock rang and his heart started bumping. Now Kurt would wake up any second and would be embarrassed about finding himself holding his brother and then he would notice the result of their closeness and get even more embarrassed and...

The alarm clock stopped its annoying noise and went silent again.

Kurt didn't wake up.

Instead Kurt snuggled _closer_ – how was that even possible? – and moved his leg ever so slightly downwards, rubbing it right over Finn's problem and causing him such delicious friction that Finn had to bite his fist to suppress a moan.

What had he done to deserve this?

If there hadn't been the rather _large_ problem of morning wood, he might even have felt comfortable with the warm body beside him, well, _on_ him.

Funny. If someone had told Finn a year ago that he'd be inviting Kurt Hummel to sleep in his bed, he would've died laughing. And if that person had then further predicted that not only would he invite Kurt Hummel to sleep in his bed, but also get a boner, _because_ Kurt Hummel was in his bed... woah! He would've punched that person!

But let's get some things straight, yeah, _straight_!

He wasn't having a boner because of _Kurt_ in his bed, but because of that warm delicious body on top of him that just happened to be Kurt! Right? Right!

Also, having morning wood was quite normal for a teenager, thank you very much! Nobody could control certain body functions. So Finn just lay still and closed his eyes again, waiting for Kurt to wake up while drifting off to sleep again himself.

It was twenty minutes later that Carole came in. "Finn, you're gonna be late for school... oh! How _cute_!" Before his mom could run out and fetch her camera, Finn stirred and waved at her.

"Can you help me get this little monkey off without waking him up?" Finn asked with a hushed voice, pointing to Kurt who still clung to him in his sleep. Carole contemplated this, apparently torn between getting an adorable candid shot or freeing her son from a clearly unpleasant situation.

With a sigh she decided to help replacing Finn's body with a pillow which she put underneath Kurt's arm while Finn slowly slid out of bed. He took one last look at his peaceful sleeping brother who now embraced the new pillow.

A smile curled up the corners of Finn's mouth.

One year ago he'd never thought he'd have a brother to share a bed with. A bed and some awkward, but funny stuff they could laugh about. And actually, that was what Kurt needed now, something to laugh about. He'd suffered enough over the past few weeks. Maybe Finn could help him to brighten things up for him at least a little bit. He ruffled his brother's hair and then went to get ready for school.

* * *

><p>It was Friday morning and Kurt didn't know what to do with himself. His father had been gone to work extra early to catch up with the workload he'd missed over the week and Finn had already been off to school.<p>

Kurt had woken up alone in Finn's bed, a bit disoriented and confused, and most disturbingly with morning wood! How on earth did _that_ happen? He hadn't had morning wood in quite a while!

But then he had been quickly overwhelmed with memories why he'd rather chosen to sleep here than in his own bed. Memories of Blaine that were attached to pretty much everything in his room.

So Kurt started his day in a fashion he'd never done before in his whole life.

He flopped down on the fluffy carpet in front of Finn's Playstation, took the controller and played the game for about two or three hours. Carole came in every now and then to check on him and when she came in for the hundredth time she asked if he wanted breakfast and if he maybe wanted to change out of his pajamas and if he perhaps even wanted to visit the bathroom.

So he did all that, but not in that particular order.

He took a fast shower in his own bathroom, then put on a pair of comfy yoga pants and his worn but beloved fleece jacket. No outfit to get on the street with, but he had no intention on leaving the house today anyway.

He busied himself with cleaning up Finn's room, but soon gave up as this was a task that was as disturbing as it was pointless. And he definitely didn't want to find more of Finn's long forgotten underwear and socks in various cracks of furniture and other hidden places.

Now he was in the kitchen, blending a fruit shake for breakfast while Carole was in the living room, doing some ironing work and watching a talk show on TV. She made it clear that she wouldn't breathe down his neck all day and leave him alone if he wanted to be alone. Even though she was babysitting him in the end, he was thankful that she trusted him enough to let him be.

Sipping his shake with a straw, he leaned against the counter and got his phone out.

He called Wesley to ask if Erica had heard anything from Shane yet. No news there. Wesley told him he would send him his notes from class and homework assignments of the past week, so Kurt could catch up with what he'd missed. Kurt thanked him and was looking forward to it, finally something to distract himself with, even if it was just boring homework.

Once he was left alone to his thoughts again, they kept dragging him back to Blaine and right now his boyfriend was the least thing he wanted to think about too much. Blaine was also the reason why he was avoiding his own room, because all he could think of in there was the night when Blaine had been lying in his bed and then left...

Kurt went upstairs again and crossed the master bedroom to the old dresser which used to be his mother's and had moved houses with them. Kurt hadn't even needed to beg his father to keep it, Burt had brought it to the new house himself and Carole hadn't minded.

Now Kurt kneeled down in front of it, opened the doors and closed his eyes. The smell of his mother's perfume still lingered in the wood, although it had gotten faint and almost vanished. Every now and then when he felt hopeless and frightened he would open all doors and just lay down on the floor with closed eyes and imagine that his mom was still here, looking out for him, caring about him.

But today it was hard to capture the traces of her smell. There was another weird smell that didn't belong here. He knew that it was childish, but not being able to smell her made him desperate. "Don't leave me, Mom," he whispered and a sharp pain pierced through his heart. She had left him already a long time ago. She didn't want to leave him, but she did. He had lost her to an illness that couldn't be cured.

And Blaine... He had tried to escape this life on free will. It must have been a hard decision to make and Kurt didn't believe for one second that it had been easy for Blaine to throw his life away. But still he had wanted to leave everything behind, including his boyfriend.

And still, after Shane's heartwrenching story, against all evidence, Kurt couldn't believe that Blaine had wanted to end his life. He desperately hoped that it had been Mr Anderson who had made Blaine take those pills for whatever sick reason. Because if Blaine really did this to himself, then Kurt didn't know him. At all.

"Kurt?"

Kurt flinched slightly at the sound of his stepmother's voice. He opened his eyes and slowly rose from his hunched position in front of the dresser. He cleared his throat and spoke quietly. "I'm sorry I just went into your bedroom."

"Oh, I don't mind, honey," Carole cocked her head at him. "We don't have secrets."

She watched as Kurt carefully closed all the doors of the dresser again.

"I really like this dresser," she said with a smile. "I know it was your mother's and I'm taking good care of it. I've even sprayed it with _Raid_, you know, in our old house we used to have trouble with wood worms, so I thought I'd better..."

Kurt choked a breath before he exploded. "You did _what_?"

"What do you mean?" Carole asked confused.

"This dresser used to smell like my mom. Now you've extinguished her smell with bug spray? You had no right!"

"Oh my... I'm so sorry, Kurt, I didn't know..."

"How dare you to even touch it?" Kurt hissed at her.

For a second Carole looked truly appalled, but then she swallowed and said, "Kurt, I'm really sorry about this. How can I make it up to you?"

"Just leave me alone." Kurt stormed past her and shut the door to his room with a bang. He leaned against his door and listened to Carole's footsteps in the hallway. She went downstairs. A moment later he heard the vacuum cleaner blast. Carole busied herself again with household chores.

Kurt clenched and unclenched his fists. He knew he was unreasonable and he shouldn't be mad at her. But she had no right to take the last connection to his mom away from him.

She was careless and selfish.

Just like Blaine.

Blaine had no right to make him fall in love with him and then wanting to kill himself and leave Kurt heartbroken. WHY? WHY? WHY? The voice in Kurt's head was screaming, and the screams never stopped. He needed them to stop.

_You __think __someone __shoved __those __damn __pills __down __his __throat? __Guess __what? __Blaine __took __them __all __by __himself! __And __he __almost _died _that __night!_ His mind was occupied with Shane's cruel words and he was torn between wanting to cry and wanting to scream. He wanted to see Blaine so bad right now and punch him and shout at him.

"How dare you to throw your life away, Blaine Warbler?" Kurt shouted into the stillness of his room. "Have you even wasted one second thinking about me?"

_He almost died that night!_

What if Blaine had died?

This thought struck him like a bolt of lightning and Kurt's hand clenched into the front of his jacket. What if Blaine had died and left Kurt behind without the chance to even ask why? All of a sudden Kurt felt nauseated and broke down in front of his bed, clutching the edge of the mattress.

If Blaine was dead, how was he supposed to go on? Had Blaine ever thought about that?

It was childish to feel rejected, Kurt knew that Blaine hadn't rejected him – but somehow he had just exactly done that. Blaine had rejected life. Tears stung Kurt's eyes and he forced them back. He'd had cried enough already. He was done crying, goddammit!

Except he was not.

Stop thinking about him, stop thinking about him, Kurt told himself over and over again. But it didn't work. He couldn't help it, he thought about Blaine twentyfourseven. It used to make him feel happy and tingly, now it made him feel lost and useless.

And panicked.

And angry!

Again he couldn't breathe, because his throat tightened with unshed tears.

And it was all Blaine's fault!

It wasn't fair! Why was he the one feeling lost and lonely when Blaine was the one who was able to just leave everything behind?

Why was he the one who couldn't breathe… without Blaine… there simply was no air...

And Blaine didn't know about any of this! He couldn't see the pain he'd caused, he wasn't here to be screamed at, he wasn't here to answer some goddamn questions!

Kurt's gaze fell on Rachel's camera on his desk and he got up to take it. He pushed the record button and stared with accusing eyes into the camera.

"Tell me, how am I supposed to breathe without air?"

He needed a second to gather his breath and his thoughts, but when he began to sing, his voice was angry and forceful.

"If I should die before I wake  
>It's cause you took my breath away<br>Losing you is like living in a world with no air"

He began spinning round, keeping the camera on his face while the room around him was spinning.

"Ohhh… I'm here, alone  
>Didn't want to leave<br>My heart won't move  
>It's incomplete<br>I wish there was a way  
>That I can make you understand"<p>

He was getting dizzy, but didn't care. He wanted to get his message across, he wanted Blaine – if he ever watched this video – to get dizzy himself by just watching it, to feel lightheaded and nauseated from all the whirling.

"But how do you expect me  
>To live alone with just me<br>Cause my world revolves around you  
>It's so hard for me to breathe<p>

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air  
>Can't live, can't breathe with no air<br>That's how I feel whenever you ain't there  
>It's no air no air<p>

You got me out here in the water so deep  
>Tell me how you gonna be without me<br>If you ain't here I just can't breathe  
>No air no air!<p>

His anger dissolved into sadness during the song and he collapsed on his bed, just lying with closed eyes for a while, trying to catch his breath while tears choked him up again.

It took a moment until he realized the camera was still running and he brought it up to his face again. He imagined Blaine was lying next to him, his head on the same pillow, listening to him, his face a solemn mask. And in contrast to his angry outburst in the beginning of the song, Kurt now sung softly, almost speaking.

"I Walked I Ran I Jumped I Flew

Right off the ground to float to you  
>There's no gravity to hold me down for real<p>

But somehow  
>I'm still alive inside<br>You took my breath  
>But I survived<br>I don't know how  
>And I don't even care<p>

But how do you expect me

To live alone with just me  
>Cause my world revolves around you<br>It's so hard for me to breathe"

Kurt sung the last words in an almost whisper and noticed that he literally could hardly breathe. He started coughing and sat up against the headboard, wondering if he was ever going to be able to breathe properly again. Sitting up didn't help, instead now he got panicked by the sudden feeling of suffocation.

He dropped the camera and stumbled through his room. Opening the window wide, he leaned out and gulped in the cold January air which was soothing and stinging at the same time, but it was filling his lungs.

He fought against the panic that was clenching his chest tightly. He told himself that it didn't matter if Blaine really had tried to commit suicide, because HE WAS ALIVE and that was all that mattered, right? Blaine would regret having taken those pills and he would never try again, right? They would see each other again. That was all that really mattered.

Slowly he calmed down and took deep breaths. His breathing was getting better and he let his gaze wander along their driveway and to the street. There had been new snow last night and the street was muddy, but their front lawn looked really pretty with the white blanket and...

His eyes caught something else that made him stop breathing again.

There was a black car parking a bit down the street, but clearly in sight of the house.

He knew that car. When he still went to McKinley High he'd always avoided parking next to this car. Seeing it here, now, was bedazzling, if not terrifying. And the guy sitting behind the steering wheel was looking right over to Kurt's house, right over to his window, right into his eyes.

Horrified Kurt stumbled backwards and closed the window and the curtains.

Oh my God! For a second he was frozen in shock. Then he snatched his phone from where he had left it on his desk and returned to the window. Hidden behind the curtain he checked if the creepy observer was still there and sure thing, the car hadn't moved a bit.

Kurt hit a number, but the phone took ages to dial. He had to claim his own phone back from his dad soon. This ancient one was driving him insane. He pressed it to his ear and waited impatiently.

"Kurt? What's up? I'm in class."

When Finn finally answered the call, Kurt spoke in a slow hushed voice and spared himself any kind of preamble. "Why is Dave Karofsky parking in front of our house?" Kurt didn't know why he was whispering, it was a ridiculous thing to do, because Karofsky couldn't hear him from where he was even if he'd shouted into the phone.

"He's _what_? ... Uh, no, Mr Schue, I didn't talk to you..."

"Dave Karofsky is sitting in his car in front of our house, watching my window," Kurt repeated and while doing so, a chill went down his spine. "What does he want from me?"

Standing behind the curtain, he kept looking at the jock who had made his life a living hell not too long ago. He remembered what Finn had been talking about the past few weeks – that Karofsky was still after him? And why wasn't Karofsky at school right now? Was he skipping school to be able to stalk him? "Shouldn't he be at school?"

"Now that you say it, I haven't seen him around today," Finn pondered. "How does he know you're home anyway? For all he knows you could be back at Dalton and... I'm sorry Mr Shue, it's Kurt on the phone, can I leave Spanish for today? Thanks."

Kurt was briefly wondering why the fact that he was on the phone would allow his brother to skip class, but apparently it worked.

"I'm coming home, Kurt. I'll be there in twenty."

"Gosh, don't be silly, you don't need to come home, Finn. Nothing's going on here except for the fact that Karofsky's outside in his car, creeping me out and... wait! Now he's scrolling down his window... oh my God, I don't believe this."

"What is it?" Finn asked excited.

As Kurt watched Karofsky opened the window and stuck out his arm. Kurt expected as much as a rude gesture, but instead something slipped out of the jock's hand, a piece of paper that fell onto the street.

"He dropped something out of his window. I think it's a note or something. Now he's driving away." Kurt leaned in to watch the car drive down the street and disappear. His eyes found the little yellow paper on the street.

"Should I go outside and get it?"

"No, stay where you are. I'll be with you in a sec, Kurt!"

"I need to grab it before the wind takes it away. Later, Finn."

Kurt hung up on his brother and hurried downstairs, cursing under his breath. He couldn't believe he was actually doing this. He should simply ignore whatever Karofsky had thrown out of his window. Maybe it was just a stupid piece of gum wrap. And if it really was a note or a letter, it would just be another insult, just not to his face, but written down. He didn't even want to know what Karofsky had in mind for him.

But he _had_ to go outside anyway. Just in case.

Kurt threw on his coat and slipped into his boots, then quickly went past Carole who didn't notice him sneaking out of the front door. He jogged down the driveway and on the street to pick up the note.

He couldn't find it.

Had it already flown away? With his eyes downcast he searched the street and cursed again about getting his boots all muddy over a stupid _nothing_.

There it was, stuck in a dirty pile of snow mud in the middle of the road. A yellow little paper torn from a memo pad.

For a moment he just stared down at it.

What would he be reading? What if it were two words? Die fag! What if it was Karofsky's way to let him know he was the one who wrote those anonymous texts? Karofsky had already told Finn that he knew about the route Kurt had taken.

What if...?

Damn it.

Kurt grabbed the note and unfolded it. There was no name or signing. Just two words and a number. "Call me."

For a moment Kurt just stared at the note, absolutely baffled. Then he got angry. This was just unbelieveable. What did Karofsky want to talk to him about anyway? Clearly he wouldn't feel the need to apologize to Kurt for making his life miserable and making him leave McKinley High.

Did he really expect him to call?

What on earth was Karofsky thinking? What was this supposed to mean? Was this just a cruel joke?

If he really called that number, would Karofsky insult and abuse him again? Or would he try to continue his mind game of terrifying him? Wasn't it enough that he still – after being a Dalton student for a couple of months now – flinched when a locker was being banged shut or another student sneaked up on him from behind? Karofsky had managed to plant a fear inside of him that would overpower him every now and then and make him feel small and vulnerable, although he knew he was safe.

Well, he wouldn't find out why Karofsky wanted him to call, because he wouldn't do it.

Apparently Karofsky was insane, freaking insane.

Kurt crumbled the note in his fist.

He stood motionless in the middle of the street lost in his thoughts when suddenly a car behind him honked and a voice shouted out angrily at him, "Hey, you!"

Kurt turned and faced his neighbor Mr Johnson who had the window of his car down and scowled at him. His dog sat on the passenger seat baring its teeth, clearly picking up on the mood of its owner. "Get off the street, fancy!"

Kurt moved to the side mechanically, not sure he'd heard right. "Sorry, Mr Johnson, I was just..."

"Just what? Waving one of your lovers goodbye?" The old man leaned out of his window and spit out on the street. "Next time you block my driveway, I'm gonna ride all over you and save the neighborhood from all this disgusting gay pollution."

For a second Kurt stared at the man open-mouthed. "Excuse me?"

"I think you heard me!" Mr Johnson adjusted his cord hat and pointed one finger at Kurt. "This used to be a decent street and I won't have you parade yourself here no longer. This is no Christopher Street where you can receive all your loverboys without no one minding."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that I am such a nuisance for the neighborhood," Kurt snapped back at the man, not willing to take this crap without speaking his own mind, "but in case you haven't noticed this is a free country and I can walk and _parade_ wherever I want to."

"You're right there. This is a free country and therefore I'm free to speak what's on my mind, you can tell your daddy as much. He can come and punch me if he wants to, but I'll say what I gotta say to you anyway!"

"Leave my family alone. If you got a problem with me being gay, fine. Feel free to call me names when you see me, if that's makes you feel better. But there's no need to drag my family into this."

"Well, as far as your father is concerned this fight is already fought. He had the nerve to tell me to be nice to you. You know what? Back in the days the likes of you were sentenced to death by lethal gas, nowadays we have to live with you next door? Well, I highly agree with the guy who sprayed upon your door on New Year's!"

Kurt had to move closer to the car to let another car pass by. He tried to keep his head held high, but Mr Johnson's words had captured him. "What are you talking about?" He hated that his voice was trembling, but he would just accuse the chilly wind about that.

"What? You haven't seen it? That message on your door? Then go and ask your parents about it." Mr Johnson grinned broadly at him, clearly pleased with himself. Finally he drove away, leaving Kurt puzzling over his comment.

Kurt ran back to the house and stood in front of the door for a moment, looking at it as if by magic a hidden message would appear. Slowly he went inside and shrugged out of his coat. Karofsky's note was still crumbled in his palm when Carole came out of the kitchen and looked at him in surprise. "Have you been outside?"

For a moment he just looked back at her.

"What is on your mind, dear?" Carole asked carefully.

Kurt ran a hand over his face and rubbed his temple. There was definitely a headache coming. He returned his gaze on his spepmother and when he spoke his voice was flat, lifeless. "What has been sprayed on our door?"

Carole blinked. "What? Nothing..."

"Don't lie to me," Kurt now growled at her. "There were words sprayed on our door and I'm asking you what they said."

Carole shook her head as if wanting to make all this go away. "It was nothing, Kurt. Don't fret about it, really, it was nothing..."

"Well, if it was _nothing_ then you might as well tell me, right?" Kurt yelled at her and regretted it instantly. He didn't mean to get angry at her again, for the second time today. But all his anger about Karofsky's silly note and Mr Johnson's cruel words had him worked up and Carole was the only one present to take his outburst.

"We thought it was better if you didn't know about it," Carole tried to explain. "Please, calm down. Let's talk about it when your father gets home and..."

"You don't want to tell me? Fine." Kurt picked up the phone and rang the shop. At the sound of his father's voice he spoke up without so much as a hello. "The guy who attacked me on New Year's, what did he write upon our door?"

"Kurt? What's going on?" His father seemed absolutely bewildered.

"Nothing's going on, except that all of you have been lying to me!" Kurt went on angrily. "I asked you, Dad, if he had sprayed something, remember? And you told me there was nothing! And now I find out that there have been words on our door. Is it asking too much to tell me what those words were?"

"How did you find out about this? Who told you?"

"It doesn't matter who told me!" Kurt found himself yelling again. "All that matters is that YOU didn't tell me! This is about my life, Dad! If there is something concerning me, I have a right to KNOW about it!"

"Is Carole with you?" By the sound of it Burt tried to stay calm despite having his son freaking out on the phone.

"Yes, she's here," Kurt answered after taking a breath. "She wouldn't tell me either."

"Okay, listen, I'm gonna tell you tonight when I'm coming home and..."

"No! You tell me now! NOW!"

"Okay, then. I'm coming home. I'll be there in about fifteen minutes."

"You don't need to come home! You can tell me on the phone!"

"No, I'm on my way."

"This is ridiculous! Why can't you just tell me on the phone? Argh! Fine! Come home then!" Kurt hang up in frustration.

* * *

><p>Shit.<p>

Burt dropped the phone on the counter, took his hat off and ran a hand over his bald head. Was just one day of peace really too much to ask for? All he wished for his son and his family was to have some rest of all the trouble.

And how on earth did Kurt find out about the abusive words on their front door?

"Jeremy!" Burt called out to his help while already grabbing his keys and heading for the door. "I'm driving home. I'll be back as soon as I can!"

"Alright, boss!" Jeremy answered. "Is it Kurt again?"

The door slammed shut and saved Burt from having to answer. He got into his car, backed out of the driveway and steered onto the street. He stepped heavy on the gas to get home as soon as possible, because his baby boy was scared. Yes, despite all the angry screaming and the rage, Burt knew that his son was first and foremost scared.

Kurt was a very composed person. He would only start yelling and getting this ear-deafening kind of really high-pitched when he was terrified. Like a cat would start hissing when you had it cornered and there was no way of escape for it.

Besides, this was nothing you could talk about over the phone. He had to see his boy, take him by the shoulders, look into his eyes, make sure he was alright. Tell him there was no need to be scared, because everything would be okay again, even if he was in no position to make such promises.

Burt was forced to stop at a red light, when a memory hit him.

* * *

><p>Kurt had just turned seven.<p>

And Sundays were daddy days.

Elizabeth would meet a friend or enjoy a good book while Burt spend some quality time with his son.

This particular Sunday he hadn't told Kurt where they were going, because he was taking him to a kids baseball game where he wanted Kurt to try out and play with the other kids. But as soon as Kurt had realized what was going on, he was bolting.

"C'mon, buddy, just try one game for me, okay? It'll be fun!" Burt tried reasoning with him, but Kurt was reasoning back and Heaven only knew his little boy was way better with arguments than he was.

"Daddy, I can't play, because I don't have sports clothes."

"No problem. They lend you shorts and T-shirts and helmets."

"Urgh, I'm not wearing shorts and T-shirts that have been worn by other kids already."

"I'm sure those are clean clothes, Kurt."

"Besides, I can't wear a helmet, because Mommy did my hair today and she'll be totally disappointed if I ruin it."

"I bet she doesn't mind," Burt said and reached out to ruffle Kurt's hair, but his son was smart and leaned away, because he saw it coming.

"All the kids are taller than me, so I'm gonna lose anyway, so I might as well just stay on the bleachers with you. We can watch the game together, Daddy."

Burt laughed. "You want me watching a bunch of kids play baseball while my son stays on the bleachers? I'm here to cheer _you_ on, kiddo. Just give it a try, won't you?"

And for a minute it looked like Kurt would just do it. He walked slowly next to his father towards the locker room, grasping Burt's hand tightly. But then a couple of boys came running out, already in their baseball gear, shouting in joy and shoving each other and as they passed them by, Kurt stopped dead.

"Can we drive home now, Daddy? Please?"

Burt sighed and even rolled his eyes. "No, we're not going home. I want you to at least give it a try!"

And then to his utter surprise Kurt started shouting at him angrily. "No! I'm not gonna play this stupid game! Take me home, Daddy! Now!"

"Kurt, don't yell at me," Burt warned him, but Kurt only got louder. "I wanna go home now! NOW!"

"What a brat," a woman nearby murmured to her friend.

"Spoiled only child," the other woman replied.

Hearing them talk like this about his son bugged him, because Kurt wasn't spoiled. At home Kurt was the most perfect little angel one could wish for. He actually believed that none of the other boys around were as well mannered and good behaving as Kurt was. But right now Kurt was behaving like he was being led to the shambles.

Burt took Kurt's arm and tried to drag him into the locker room, but now Kurt was screaming at the top of his lungs, causing Burt to bent down in front of him and grasp his shoulders firmly. "Stop it, Kurt! Geez, what's wrong with you?"

Those were words he could never take back.

He had regretted those words ever since they'd left his mouth.

Nothing was wrong with his boy.

And watching his little son's face fall in shock at his father's words had been tearing at Burt ever since this day. His little boy had stopped screaming, yes, but the silence was much worse.

"I'm sorry, buddy, baseball was a bad idea. Let's drive home."

Back home Kurt ran to his mother and Elizabeth gathered him up in her arms and stroked through his hair and soothed him until Kurt fell asleep in her lap with his face buried into the crook of her neck. She listened considerately while Burt told her with a hushed voice why they were home early, all the while she rubbed circles lovingly into Kurt's back.

"You should've heard him," Burt tried to explain. "He got really loud and high-pitched! He yelled at me as if I was abusing him. All the other parents were looking at me. It was so embarrassing for me."

"Well, it would have gotten really embarrassing for Kurt if you had forced him to play a ball game he didn't enjoy and all the kids would've laughed at him," Elizabeth countered, one eyebrow raised and a smirk on her lips.

"I don't mean to force him to anything. I just want him to try different things. And besides, how is he supposed to learn how to fight if he keeps avoiding the mean kids?" He arched his eyebrows at her and of course she understood what he was saying. Because at this point Elizabeth and Burt already knew very well that Kurt would have to fight against the whole world. For all his life.

"I think he has shown what a good fighter he is today," Elizabeth smiled warmly at her husband. "I mean he fought against a grown up man and he won. Without violence, just using his voice. Right?" She winked at him and Burt's heart simply melted away. "Right."

Elizabeth always had been the strong one, she always had had more hope and more faith into the future than he ever dared feeling.

And this day Burt had vowed to himself that Kurt should never have to fight against his own father again. Never again.

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><p>When Burt arrived home, his wife met him at the door.<p>

"He's locked himself in his room and won't come out," Carole informed him, obviously worried.

They hurried upstairs together and Burt knocked at Kurt's door. "Kurt, open up! Come on, let's talk about this! Kurt?"

"Please, honey, open the door," Carole chimed in softly. "Please understand why we didn't tell you about this. We didn't want to upset you."

They waited a second, but there was no answer. Instead they heard the front door bang and to their utter surprise Finn came stomping up the stairs, panting like he'd ran all the way home. "What's going on? Where's Karofsky? Is Kurt okay?"

"What are you doing home?" Carole asked him, baffled by his presence.

"Karofsky?" Burt grabbed Finn's shoulder. "What are you talking about?"

"Kurt called me and said Karofsky was outside our house," Finn explained. "I told him to stay inside and that I'd come home."

"I don't know nothing about Karofsky," Burt replied, but the possibility of that kid having messed with his son again was not very appealing. "Kurt just called me and asked what was written on our door at New Year's."

"He has been outside," Carole now told them. "I don't know what he's been doing or who he's talked to, but when he came back in he asked me about the words on our door. Someone must've told him. Did this Karofsky-kid know about this?"

Finn shrugged and stepped forward to knock on his brother's door. "Hey, it's me. Tell me what happened! Did Karofsky bother you? I can kill him for you if you want me to!"

The three of them stared at the door and listened to the scary silence behind.

"Open the door, Kurt! Come on, buddy, just open up," Burt shouted and banged at the door a bit more fiercely. The quietness on the other side of the door was tearing at him and Burt grew anxious. Kurt had been so upset on the phone. What if...?

"If you don't come out now, I'll break your door in! You hear me? I mean it!"

Kurt still didn't answer and in his mind Burt already pictured the most horrible images of why it was so creepily quiet behind that damn piece of wood that blocked his way to his son.

"KURT! I'll count to three and then I'm gonna break that damn door in! One... two... THREE!"

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><p><strong>Oh dear! Burt's flashback about little Kurt and Elizabeth struck me just last minute today. Can I admit to you that it had me crying while writing? :'( Did it make anyone of you cry, too? I hope so, or else I'm gonna feel all silly now for telling you...<strong>

**Well, so much for adding happiness into the story. I failed miserably, I'm sorry. But there are still more chapters to come so I can practice, right? :)**

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><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

Jordin Sparks feat. Chris Brown – No air

**Next chapter:**

You decide! Please tell me if you want to read more about Kurt's day or do you want to know how Blaine starts his Friday?

**Now that I got 100 reviews I want MORE! Please?**


	24. Behind the door

**Author's Note: **

**Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you all! :D**

**OK guys, this is the next Kurt chapter. It's really short and I'm sorry about that, but RL kept me awfully busy the past weeks and seeing how my Christmas vacation has been cancelled, I won't be able to write all week long as I had originally been planning to do. :'(**

**So before you have to wait for another few weeks, I thought I'd give you this little chapter for now and the rest of Kurt's Friday will follow up ASAP! :)**

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><p>"Kurt, you hear me?" Burt shouted one last time. "I'll count to three and then I'm gonna break that damn door in! One... two... three!"<p>

Fearing the worst, Burt went two steps back and braced himself to throw his shoulder against the door. Just when he held his breath to lunge at the door, the key was turned unexpectedly and the door opened to reveal a very exasperated looking Kurt.

"Seriously, Dad? What makes you think breaking my door was a good idea?"

Kurt folded his arms across his chest, his face a mask of pure annoyance, giving his best bitch stare to the lot in front of his door. He acted all composed, but his eyes betrayed him as they were red and his face blotchy. He had just been crying and was now keeping up his pride, no doubt about that.

"Why didn't you answer when we called you?" Burt growled at him more calmly than he actually felt, but seeing that Kurt had been crying worked in his favor. So Burt refrained from strangling his son for not answering his door.

Kurt gave him an indifferent shrug. "Well, _maybe_ I wanted to give you the first-hand experience of how it feels like not to know what's going on."

"That's not cool!" Finn stuck his finger in Kurt's face. "We were worried about you!"

"Give me your keys," Burt demanded and went past Kurt into his son's bedroom. "You're not gonna lock yourself in again! Are we clear?" Burt grabbed for the key in the door and went across the room to take the key to Kurt's bathroom as well.

"There's no need for this, Dad," Kurt said with a dramatic sigh and a roll of his eyes. "You don't have to worry about gay teen suicide in my case. I don't need to kill myself, because apparently there're enough people out there applying for the job."

Burt closed his eyes for a moment. Kurt's words were ringing in his head and made him realize that he actually had expected the worst, that he had been thinking that maybe Kurt would hurt himself. Wasn't this a comprehensible way of thinking after all what's happened to him? In all his worry for his son he kept forgetting that Kurt was strong. Beaten and on the ground, yes, but still determined to fight and drag himself forward.

But who the hell was he referring to when saying there were more people out there wanting to kill him? Did he just say it out of frustration? And whom had he met when he'd been outside like Carole said he'd been?

"Talking about suicide isn't funny, Kurt," Finn said, looking absolutely appalled by his words.

"Do you hear me laughing?" Kurt replied and turned cold eyes on his brother.

"We were really scared about you for a second here!" Finn raised his voice.

"Well, you had me scared, too. It's awful to have someone tell you stuff that your family kept secret from you."

"You've been keeping stuff from us as well, haven't you?" Finn retorted, cocking his head at him and lifting a brow. "How about not eating that week when you've been back to Dalton? And what about the text messages? You've kept them to yourself, too!"

"That's hardly the same thing," Kurt countered, but his defense was clearly breaking. "What are you doing here anyway? I didn't ask you to skip school for me!"

"Then you shouldn't have called me! Or do you think I could've concentrated on school stuff after your upset call?"

"Oh, I'm SO SORRY!" Kurt shot back. "I won't call you next time Karofsky stalks me again!"

"No, I didn't mean it _that_ way!" Finn threw his hands up in frustration. "I _want_ you to call me!"

"Stop it, boys!" Burt cut in. "There's no need to be shouting at one other." With a sigh he turned to his son. "Kurt, are you alright?"

"What kind of question is that when I know you'll strike at me if I dare saying I was fine?" Kurt snapped at his father. "You want me to tell you how crappy I feel? No, of course I'm _not_ alright!"

"Sit down," Burt said calmly and sat down himself on Kurt's bed.

"I'm standing just fine, thank you very much."

Burt patted the spot to his left insistently. "C'mon, sit down next to me, please."

With an expressionless face Kurt complied. He moved to sit down, but noticed Rachel's camera just in time before it was accidently pushed off the mattress. He put it on his desk and then settled down next to his father.

"Carole said you've been outside." Burt slid his arm around Kurt's shoulders and felt how his son tensed up at the touch, but he didn't take his arm away. "Did you talk to someone? To that Karofsky-kid?"

"This is not how this works, Dad." Kurt held up one hand in a sharp gesture. "How about YOU answer MY questions first and then I MIGHT be willing to answer yours."

Burt nodded in defeat. "Deal. Shoot away."

"What words were on our door?" Once the question was out, Kurt stared straight at the floor and Burt could feel his son bracing himself for the answer. Burt rubbed his face and sighed. "Alright, this Devon-guy sprayed two words on our front door. They said _die fag_."

Kurt clenched his fists on his knees, but his voice stayed eerily calm when he spoke. "So that's why you thought that Devon was the guy who wrote those texts messages, because those same words were in the first text."

Burt and Finn shared a glance. "That's what we thought, yes," Burt answered with a nod. "But since Shane checked Devon's phone I'm not too sure about that anymore. So the composer of those texts could be anybody."

"Those words are not really a cryptic message," Finn agreed with a shrug. "It's just an average insult, so it seems to be a coincidence that the anon texter used the same words as this Devon-guy."

"Just an average insult," Kurt repeated in a low voice and smiled painfully at this. "Huh, right. Welcome to just another average day in my life."

"I didn't mean to make it sound less awful," Finn hurried to explain. "I know it's a pretty awful insult, I'm just saying that..."

"I know what you're saying, Finn," Kurt broke in, his voice softer now. "It's a popular insult, easy on the lips when you're adressing someone who's gay." He took a deep breath and put on a fake-cheerful voice. "So I'm dealing with yet another death threat. Yay! I must be such a hateful person to have so many people wanting to see me dead." He was being super-sarcastic, but he couldn't bluff them into believing all this wasn't hurting him.

"Let's see," Kurt started counting on his fingers, "first there's my alltime favorite death threat by Dave Karofsky, then there's Devon McVaughn, but wait, he's been hired by Blaine's father, but he sounded like bashing me up was a personal dream come true anyway, so I count them both. And last but not least our lovely neighbor Mr Johnson. Wow, that makes four people already."

Burt's head snapped up. "Mr Johnson? What are you talking about?"

"I had a little chat with him earlier on the street," Kurt said with a sigh. "He told me not very nicely that he didn't like me to be his neighbor."

"I don't believe this," Burt grumbled. "I'm gonna go and show that man what my fist thinks of him as our neighbor!"

"No!" Kurt grabbed his father's arm firmly. "You're not gonna do anything! I heard you've had a fight with him before and I don't want you to pick another one. That's just what he wants and we won't give him what he asks for! Agreed?"

Burt bit on his lips. He didn't want to give a promise he wouldn't be able to keep.

"He's just a mean old man," Kurt said to soothe his father. "I can handle him myself." He leaned his shoulder against his father's and sighed deeply once more. "So, is there anything else you're not telling me, Dad?"

"No," Burt answered truthfully. "The words on the door and my argument with Mr Johnson were the only things we didn't tell you."

"Okay then." Kurt nodded slowly. "I'm sorry I freaked out on you. And I'm sorry I didn't answer my door. It won't happen again."

"So, what do you wanna do now, Kurt?" Finn asked casually. "We could, you know, spend the day together."

"I have a better idea, Finn," Burt said and lifted a brow at his stepson. "How about _you_ get back to school? I'm sure you got at least three more classes to attend to."

"I just came here, because I wanted to make sure Kurt was okay!" Finn said in his defense. "He had me worried with his call. Hey, what was going on with Karofsky anyway?"

"Nothing," Kurt replied and reached up to stroke over his bangs. "He drove away shortly after I'd seen him."

"What was the paper he dropped? You went outside to get it, right?"

"Yeah, I did, and well, it wasn't a love letter," Kurt shrugged and rolled his eyes. "He wants me to call him. He's really out of his mind if he thinks I'm gonna do that. And no, I don't want you to pick a fight with him, Finn. We'll just ignore him, alright? No more fighting on my account, okay?"

"I don't like him stalking you," Finn grumbled.

"He's _not_ stalking me," Kurt said with emphasis. "He just showed up today for the first and hopefully last time."

"I don't like this either," Burt said with a frown. "This boy means nothing but trouble. He's terrorized you before. And it's strange that he tries to contact you now. I agree with Finn that we should at least keep an eye on him in case he's really up to something." Burt shared another look with his stepson and Finn nodded all serious. "I won't let Karofsky get anywhere near Kurt ever again."

Actually Kurt was quite relieved to hear Finn speak so eagerly about wanting to protect him. If only Finn had taken Karofsky more serious a couple of months ago, Kurt would never have had to leave McKinley. And if he'd never had transferred to Dalton... No, stop! He wasn't going to start another round of What if...? He couldn't change the past. He couldn't change what had happened to Blaine.

"Where's Carole?" Kurt asked suddenly and Burt looked up, expecting his wife to be standing in the door, but she was gone.

"She went downstairs," Finn said, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder. "Shortly after Kurt opened the door."

"I'll spend the day with her, Dad," Kurt announced and gave his father's arm an affectionate squeeze. "You can go back to work. Again, I'm sorry for causing all this trouble."

"Alright." Burt linked his arm around his son's neck and drew him in to kiss his forehead. "I might be running late for dinner tonight."

Kurt smiled. "I'll make sure to save you a plate before Finn has a chance to get his hands on your share."

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><p>Kurt went downstairs after his father and Finn. He felt awful for the way he'd treated Carole earlier. His real mother was long gone and she would never come back. But he was lucky enough to have been given a second mom and he didn't want to ruin his chances with her over a piece of furniture.<p>

So he approached her after she'd kissed his father goodbye for the second time today. "Carole? Do you have a minute?"

"Of course, honey." Her voice toppled over and she seemed a bit uneasy as he followed her into the kitchen. "Are you hungry? I can make you another protein shake if you want."

"Thanks, maybe later." Kurt leaned against the counter and watched her as she started scrubbing the burner with a sponge. "Say, Carole, why did you leave when Dad and Finn just talked to me?"

"Oh, I didn't know if you wanted me around when you discussed all these serious things with your father and I didn't want to appear too curious," she answered honestly and gave him a sincere smile over her shoulder.

"You shouldn't feel left out, Carole," Kurt shook his head slowly. "I didn't mean to make you feel like all this didn't concern you. I know that you care about me and I appreciate everything you're doing for me. I mean, after all you even gave up your honeymoon for me."

"Oh Kurt, don't mention it!" Carole stopped her cleaning work to face him. "Your safety will always be our priority. I didn't give up anything for you. On the contrary, I gained a family. And every family has its ups and downs."

"Still, I owe you an apology," Kurt looked at her with sincereness. "I'm sorry I freaked out on you earlier. I didn't mean to. I know I'm acting all selfish lately. I'm too much absorbed by everything that's going on with Blaine and... I even forgot about Dad's heart. I caused him so much stress today by locking myself in. I shouldn't have done that and I feel terrible about it."

"It's alright, honey. You know we all got your back. Nobody's blaming you for anything and it's absolutely understandable that you're stressed out by everything right now. I'd be worried if you weren't." She reached out and stroked his arm in her motherly tender way. She took a breath and looked up at him with pure sorrow as she went on, her voice thick with tears, "And I'm inconsolable about ruining your mother's dresser. I hope you can forgive me about that. I didn't mean to take her away from you."

He bit his lip, blinking hard, refusing to cry. "You didn't take her away. Cancer did. And about the dresser... the smell of her perfume had become faint already anyway. I could hardly smell it anymore."

Without another word Carole embraced him and he leaned into her, taking a breath to collect himself. "Carole, if your offer still stands, I would really like to watch Disney movies with you for the rest of the day."

With a happy laugh Carole released him and dabbed at her watery eyes. "I thought you'd never ask."

So Kurt got his huge collection of Disney DVDs out and they settled down on the couch to choose a movie. They decided for the sequel of Princess Diaries and had just put it on when the door bell rang. Kurt stopped the movie and entangled his legs from the couch to get up, but Carole motioned for him to sit back down.

"I get that." Carole got to the door and Kurt listened in closely to catch who their visitor was.

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><p><strong>Next chapter:<strong>

**An unexpected visitor shows up at Kurt's doorstep! How about any guesses who this could be?**

**Although this is so incredible short, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Please give me some love in the shape of a review! :)**


	25. Unexpected company

**Author's Note: **

**HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :D**

**Thank you for all your guesses! It's fun to see whom you're expecting to be at the door. However, none of you guessed right. Come on, it can't be THAT hard to guess, can it? ;)**

**So you have suggested Dave Karofsky, Shane Anderson, Mr Johnson... And someone – I need not tell names – even suggested BLAINE would be at the door, but that apparently was only wishful thinking, because, seriously, Poland? After all this trouble to keep them apart, NOW I let Blaine knock at the door? Nah, I don't think so. But you're allowed to dream, honey! ;) Love you!**

**I promised to you all that I would add some happiness, so I'll have someone at the door who brings a little happiness (and lots of gifts) into Kurt's life. ;) I hope you all enjoy this chapter! **

**To Colfermentalhead: THANK YOU A MILLION for helping me with this chapter, you're absolutely awesome! :D **

**To everyone: Check out colfermentalhead's stories "Some have gone, some remain" and "Heading in the right direction". The way she writes Klaine and the Hudmel family will sweep you off your feet! :D**

**Oh and I can hear you all yell at me now: "Could you finally open that goddamn door NOW!"**

**;)**

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><p>Kurt's mind was racing. Who could be at the door at this time of day?<p>

School wasn't over yet, but maybe it was Mercedes who got worried by Finn's panicked leaving so she decided to come over, too? Gosh, he wasn't prepared for Mercedes to show up. She would want to know everything about his road trip to Colorado and he just couldn't talk about it. Not yet.

But what if it wasn't Mercedes? What if it was someone else? Someone like... Dave Karofsky!

Kurt tensed up. Maybe Karofsky had decided to come and talk to him personally. He knew that Kurt was home and, well, although Dave Karofsky wasn't the smartest guy in Ohio even he should be aware that Kurt wasn't going to call him just because he dropped a silly note saying 'Call me!' out of his car window.

Kurt was about to jump up and stop Carole from opening the door. Who knew if Karofsky was going to hurt her just to get to him! With a guy like Karofsky everything involving violence was possible!

But just when he'd gotten to his feet, Kurt heard a very familiar voice which he hadn't expected to be hearing at all. Oh dear! The sound of that caring voice made his heart clench. Kurt couldn't believe that his friend really came all the way just to see him and make sure Kurt was alright!

And instantly Kurt felt so bad for not answering his texts for the past couple of days. God, he was such a bad friend. Of course all of his friends were worried about him and now they felt the need to show up at his door, because he wasn't answering his phone.

With a sigh Kurt went to the door to meet his visitor who was just talking to Carole.

"Hello Ma'am. Excuse me for my unannounced visit, but I'd really like to see Kurt if that's no inconvenience. I'm bringing a little get well soon gift for him and I would love to give it to him, but just, you know, if it's okay..."

"Oh that's so sweet of you, honey," Carole said in that warm welcoming voice of hers. "I'll tell Kurt you're here. What's your name?"

"Oh Gosh, I'm so sorry I haven't introduced myself. My name is Reed Van Kamp. Uhm, I'm a schoolmate of Kurt's at Dalton and we're also roommates, so he'll know who I am and..."

Kurt appeared behind Carole and smiled at his friend. "Reed, you came all the way to see me?"

"Hi Kurt!" Reed smiled broadly and waved his hand. He was out of uniform, wearing a cream colored trench coat with faux fur collar and knee-high boots. His strawberry-blond curls were being whipped around by the cold wind. "Actually, my Mom and I are on our way to the airport to head to New York for the weekend and I begged her to make a detour over Lima, so I could drop by and see you and..."

"Your Mom...?" Before Kurt could process that piece of information, he looked past his friend and noticed the black limousine which was parking in their driveway. His jaw dropped to the ground as he watched the driver (who was wearing a driver's uniform, all with hat and gloves!) open the backseat door and Hilde Van Kamp gracefully got out and started up the plain pathway to their house.

Kurt was frozen to the spot. The only movements were his hand flying up to clutch at the front of his fleece jacket and a big swallow going down his throat at the sight of the woman. Well, this wasn't just a woman! This was Hilde Van Kamp!

_The_ Hilde Van Kamp!

So this was what being starstruck felt like? Kurt was 100 % positive that he was going to vomit onto the doormat any second now.

The world famous fashionista was a tall slender woman with blonde hair which was currently swept up in a bun. She wore big Prada sunglasses and a long purple coat that flattered her slight build. She carefully strode on the gravel and snow up the pathway and addressed her son. "Sweetie, should I tell Geoffrey now to bring the clothes in?"

"Mom! I told you to stay in the car!" Reed sounded highly annoyed which caught Kurt by surprise, because he'd never seen Reed being annoyed before.

"It would be very impolite of me to stay in the car, now wouldn't it, darling? At least I want to say hello to your friend." She reached the door with a happy sigh and smiled at Carole and Kurt. "Hello," she said while pushing her sunglasses up into her hair. "I'm Hilde Van Kamp."

She held her gloved hand out to Carole to shake. "You must be Kurt's mother. Nice to meet you. Reed doesn't stop talking about your son."

"Please, call me Carole," Carole replied and held the door open. "And please come in. It's freezing cold outside."

"Thank you, that's very kind of you." Before stepping in Mrs Van Kamp waved at her driver and motioned him to follow and Kurt watched the man opening the trunk of the car. What was that about?

"Oh, please leave the door open, so Geoffrey can bring in the gifts," Mrs Van Kamp chirped up as Carole was about to close the door. "Gifts?" Carole asked for her step-son, because Kurt was unable to get one word out in the presence of Reed's mother.

"Oh, just some clothes of Mom's latest collection," Reed said with a humble shrug. "Nothing out of the ordinary, really."

"What a lovely little home you have, Carin," Mrs Van Kamp said, looking around and Kurt narrowed his eyes. Actually their house was a pretty big place in his eyes, but then again he hadn't been to Reed's home yet and he could only imagine in what kind of palace the Van Kamp must be living.

"It's Carole," Carole corrected with a smile. "Please make yourself at home. Want to give me your coat?"

Remembering his manners Kurt quickly stepped forward to help Mrs Van Kamp out of her coat. Underneath she was wearing an auburn suit and matching high heels. Carrying her black Gucci purse in one hand, she reached down with the other hand to smoothe the skirt around her thighs.

Hugging the woman's coat to his chest Kurt couldn't help but admiring how incredible tall she was (mostly due to her high heels, but still) and how she was towering over them. Next to her Carole looked like a child. Kurt's eyes widened with horror when he realized that Carole was wearing her antic denim vest today and a checkered flannel shirt – she loved borrowing stuff from Burt's wardrobe. Kurt had told her a million times already to stop wearing men's clothes, but it was no use.

"So, you must be Kurt? I believe we have met before?" Mrs Van Kamp addressed him and Kurt smiled tentatively, remembering the one time he'd seen her before when she'd come to visit her son at Dalton.

"Yes, we have, Mrs Van Kamp," he managed to say with a croak and wished for the earth to open up beneath him and swallow him alive. Now that Reed's mother looked him up and down he was painfully aware of his undone hair and the old sweatpants he was wearing. If he had known Hilde Van Kamp would appear at his doorstep today, he wouldn't have allowed himself to drown in selfpity and neglect all his usual efforts to look humane.

"Why, Reed, you didn't you tell me your friend was such a natural beauty!"

"What?" Kurt blinked, sure his hearing wasn't working right.

"How come I didn't notice you the last time we've met?"

"Well, I guess it's because I wore the Dalton uniform," Kurt said with a shrug. "These uniforms just draw all individuality off a person."

"I absolutely agree," Hilde Van Kamp said impassionately. "The uniforms are just plain ugly. I offered to design new ones for Dalton, but sadly my offer was declined. How old are you, Kurt?"

"Seventeen. I'll be eighteen in summer."

"Oh, c'est magnifique!" Hilde Van Kamp clapped her hands in anticipation. "Would you consider walking for my fall collection this year? I'm always looking for new faces on the catwalk and your height and stature is perfect. Not to mention your beautiful porcelain doll face."

Kurt held his breath. Did Hilde Van Kamp just ask him to present her collection at a fashion show? Now he was pretty sure that he must have fallen asleep on the couch and this was just a dream.

"Mom, leave Kurt alone," Reed pleaded.

"Why don't you let me appreciate beauty when I see some, Reed?" With a roll of her eyes she addressed Carole. "I would love for my son to walk for me, just for fun of course, but he's so shy. I have no idea where his exceptional shyness comes from. If he wants to become a great designer one day he should learn all about the basics of this business. I have walked on fashion shows myself in younger years."

Kurt wanted to say something. He knew that Reed was a great deal intimidated by his mother and her habit to load all her dreams on his shoulders. Reed had no desire at all to follow his mother's foot steps and become a designer. But no matter how often Kurt preached his friend to stand up to his mother and go his own way, Reed couldn't say no to her. At least not yet.

"I'd love to," Kurt answered with a big grin on his face. He couldn't say no to Hilde Van Kamp either. It was one thing for Reed to be her son and having to fight off her expectations, but it was quite another thing to be a little fashion addict kissing the ground on which the fashionista walked. And who was he to turn down an offer like that?

But then again he was aware that by Fall this year Mrs Van Kamp might have forgotten all about him anyway. So he chose to simply enjoy the little moment of dreaming about his future stardom in fashion, fantasizing about chatting with famous designers about trends and the latest chic and being an inspiration for them.

"It's so nice of you to have such kind words about Kurt," Carole cut in with a smile. "I definitely agree with you that Kurt is very handsome, but he has lost a lot of weight recently, and we're trying to help him to regain it. So I don't appreciate you telling him his figure was perfect the way it is now."

"I see." Hilde Van Kamp looked Carole up and down in quite a professional way. She surely didn't mean to be offensive, but if someone like her observes a simple person like Carole it automatically felt like a judgement. "May I ask if you're Kurt's real mother? I couldn't help but notice the physical differences."

Kurt inhaled deeply. It was quite obvious that Carole wasn't his real mother, not just because she was small and rather chubby whereas he was tall and lean. "Well, yes, Carole may not be my birth mother," Kurt explained and linked arms with his step-mother. "But she's the best mother I could ask for."

Carole's head whipped up and when her eyes met Kurt's a tender smile curled up her lips and she squeezed Kurt's hand. "Oh, thank you, honey!"

"Oh mon dieu! That's so sweet to hear!" Hilde Van Kamp produced a handkerchief out of her purse to dab at her eyes. "You'll have to excuse me, but I'm a bit emotional lately. I just found out a few days ago that I might never have grandchildren!" She made a dramatic gesture at her son who seemed to shrink in on himself.

"Mom!" Reed blushed and hugged himself. "I told you I'm not even sure about _that_ yet!"

"Oh please, Reed, it's obvious!" Mrs Van Kamp sighed. "Besides, the best designers are gay! It's very positive for your career actually!"

Mrs Van Kamp leaned forward to Carole in a confidential manner, saying, "Also no one will question my age when I don't have any grandchildren, right? And I'm planning to stay thirty for yet another ten years at the least."

She straightened herself up again and said excitedly, "And then of course there's always the possibility of adoption! Oh, I have met Elton John's baby-son last month and it's such a cute little thing! Now, you should definitely think about adoption, Reed!"

"Mom, I'm seventeen," Reed whined. "I just have a crush on a guy! There's no need to make such a big deal out of it!"

Kurt was smiling to himself. Reed acknowledging that he had a crush on Shane (at least Kurt assumed the person in question was Shane) was a big step forward for his friend.

All the time while they were talking, the driver (whose name apparently was Geoffrey) went in and out of the house, carrying boxes and clothes which were wrapped up in plastic coverings. Kurt watched as the man was working to tuck up some sticks to what looked like it was supposed to become a coat rack just like the ones in a clothings store. After having set up the rack, he carefully hung the clothing upon it. And suddenly Kurt realized what was happening. All these clothes were meant to be for him?

"Oh my Gosh! Reed, I can't keep all of these clothes!"

Reed widened his eyes in shock. "Oh Kurt! Why not? I made sure they're all your size, so don't worry about that."

"No, I mean, I can't take such a generous gift! It's just too much. Just one of these coats is worth at least a hundred dollars!"

"Make that five hundred, dear," Hilde Van Kamp coughed into her handkerchief.

"Don't be silly, it's nothing." Reed shrugged at Kurt. "Mom had to make room in our storage at home anyway, so all this would've ended in the trash... oh my, but I'm not saying I'm giving you trash! It's all new clothes, I swear! I've looked through all of them and only brought those that I was sure you'd like. I made sure that it's just the style that you and I love, so I really hope you'll like them and if you don't I'll get you something else and..."

"Reed? Reed!" Kurt cut into his friend's awkward ramble and waited for him to look up at him. "Thank you, Reed. If you've selected them yourself, I'm sure I'll love all of them!"

"Oh where is my head?" Carole suddenly exclaimed. "Please, let's get comfortable in the living room. Can I offer you something to drink? Hilde? Reed?"

"No, we don't mean to be any trouble," Reed hurried to say, shaking his head.

"You're not, honey," Carole smiled at him. "We were just about to watch a DVD and chill the day away."

"Is it Princess Diaries?" Hilde Van Kamp looked over at the TV screen where Anne Hathaway's face was captured. "I love that movie."

"Yes, it's the sequel."

"Oh, I've never had the time to watch the sequel. Do you mind if I join you while the kids talk?"

"Of course not. Please have a seat." While Carole and Hilde settled down on the couch, Reed grabbed Kurt's arm and lowered his voice. "Say, can we talk somewhere in private?"

"Sure. I'll show you my room. It's upstairs." Of course Kurt knew what Reed wanted to talk about. Since he had met Shane earlier this week he had been so down that he hadn't told anyone about anything yet. And he could imagine that Reed was dying to hear about his talk with Shane.

"I'm sorry I haven't answered to your emails and texts. I didn't want to cause you the trouble of coming all the way to see me."

"It's no trouble at all. I wanted to see you. And I'm sorry for dropping by like this, I should've called, but I was afraid you'd tell me not to come. And sorry for bringing my mother along. I told her to stay in the car, but, well, she never listens to me."

Reed followed into Kurt's room and pretended to be extremely interested in his bookshelves, when Kurt knew exactly what was really occupying his friend's mind. Finally Reed turned around, his eyes big and pleading. "So, have you... have you talked to Shane?"

"Yes... I have..." Kurt nodded and all of a sudden his throat constricted. Tears sprang to his eyes and he covered his face with one hand.

"Oh my! Kurt, I'm so sorry, I ..." Reed came over to hug him, his eyes already teary, too, but Kurt stepped back. He knew if he'd let Reed hug him, they'd both be a bawling mess within seconds. So he fought hard to stay focused.

"Please! What did he tell you? What happened, Kurt?"

Kurt took a deep breath and grabbed for the box of tissues on his desk to hold it out for his friend. "I'll tell you if you promise me one thing. No crying, okay? I'm sick of crying. It seems it's all I'm doing lately and I hate to be like this." Kurt sighed and shook his head. "It feels like I'm stuck in a neverending story of misery and hopelessness and the author just doesn't want to give me a rest for a change."

Reed took a tissue and quickly wiped his eyes dry. Then he nodded at Kurt, dead serious. "I won't cry as long as you don't cry," he promised and sat down on Kurt's bed.

Kurt leaned against his desk and rubbed his temple with two fingers. "I've met the guy who attacked me on New Year's..."

"No!" Reed raised his right hand to cover his mouth, still clutching the tissue.

"It's a guy called Devon McVaughn," Kurt continued. "He works for Blaine's father and although he didn't really admit it, we're sure he was hired by Mr Anderson to beat me up. Apparently Blaine's father thinks that I kind of seduced Blaine into being gay."

"Oh my," Reed murmured and went pale. "But he didn't hurt you again, did he?"

"Not physically, no. Only with words. But Dad got into a fight with him and he placed a really good punch right in Devon's face. Broke his nose, maybe. Gosh, I hope so." Kurt started grinning shamelessly and Reed grinned back at him.

"Wow, your Dad is just awesome! I would have loved to see him go at this guy. I just hope your Dad hit him like, really, _really_ hard!"

"Yeah, he did," Kurt said with a little laugh, sounding really proud all of a sudden. "I would've loved to punch Devon, too, but he is this really big guy and I was afraid I'd break my hand at his chin, you know, like Bella did when she smacked Jake?"

They both cracked up and were shaking with giggles. Reed was laughing so hard that he rolled around on the mattress of Kurt's bed and Kurt joined him, making sure Reed wouldn't fall off the bed and hurt himself. Eventually they calmed down and Kurt put the box of tissues between them as they both had laughed tears. "Oh dear, I prefer this way of shedding tears," Kurt exclaimed along with another fit of giggles and lay down on his back, holding his middle and trying to endure the pain in his chest.

"Does it still hurt when you laugh?" Reed rolled on his belly and – sprawling across the bed – he hugged a pillow to his chest, watching Kurt intently.

"It does. But it's okay. I can handle this kind of pain, it's just a couple of broken ribs." Kurt shook his head slowly. "What I can't handle is..." Kurt closed his eyes and a long, slow breath escaped from his mouth.

"What?" Reed prompted gently.

"I can't handle missing Blaine. It would have been easier if... you know, if he'd moved to another town or if he'd broken up with me. I'd still be heartbroken, but I could deal with it. But this... the way Blaine had just disappeared on me and... and what Shane told me..." His voice wavered a little as if he was on the verge of tears again.

Reed's eyes lay on him, impatiently and all serious. "What did Shane tell you?"

"He told me that it's true... that Blaine tried to... you know, the suicide thing." Kurt told him in a small voice. Reed looked at him in sheer disbelief and his face blanched even whiter than before. "No, not him," Reed whispered, shaking his head. "Why would he do that? There's no reason for him to do that. He loves you!"

Kurt let out a little laugh and turned away.

Again he remembered something Blaine had told him a long time ago. _I don't know what I'm doing, I pretend like I do... _Had Blaine just been pretending all this time? Had he already been hurt beyond repair when they'd first met and never told Kurt about it? Blaine had always seemed to be so strong and confident. They had always been honest with each other, he hadn't expected that Blaine would keep a secret hidden away from him. Why didn't he see it? Why hadn't he seen the pain in Blaine's eyes when he'd spend so much time looking into them?

"I just don't know what to believe anymore…" Even he could hear the hopelessness in his own voice.

The meaning of his words settled in and Reed sat up, protesting loudly. "No, Kurt! Blaine loves you! That's a fact! You shouldn't ever doubt that! He wouldn't just…" Reed stopped mid-sentence.

Kurt turned to face him again. "He wouldn't _what_?" Anger settled into his voice. "Leave me? Hurt me? Well, he did! He tried to kill himself!" His own shock at saying this aloud was mirrored in Reed's pale face.

"He must have felt a pain that was unbearable!" Kurt went on, finally voicing his fear. "Something that was greater than whatever he felt for me. And I didn't see it. What kind of a person am I that I didn't see him suffer inside?"

"You can't look into people's heads," Reed offered lamely and bit on his lower lip.

"Duh! You're right about that. But I was arrogant enough to think I was able to look inside his _heart_." Kurt sat up and rubbed his face tiredly. "And still... Do you think I'm stupid for believing that Blaine didn't really mean to die? Or is this just wishful thinking on my part? I want to believe that when he left our house, he was okay. We were okay! We were in love and he wanted to come back to me as soon as possible. He didn't think about killing himself then. He just didn't."

His voice trailed off and they sat in silence for a while. Reed sneaked a couple more tissues off the box to wipe his eyes and blow his nose. "What will you do?" Reed asked after a while. "I mean about this guy, Devon? Will you press charges against him?"

"No, I can't prove anything." Kurt shrugged. "I haven't really seen his face, but the way I felt next to him, and his stature and his voice, I just _knew_ that it was him. However, I don't think it's a good idea to go against him, not as long as Blaine is stuck in that facility anyway and, you know, I don't know if their father would do anything to Shane if I started pressing charges against Devon. So I won't do anything."

"Did Shane... say anything about me?" Reed asked with a tiny voice, his eyes downcast, staring at the bunch of used tissues in his hands.

Kurt looked up at his friend and sighed. "We talked about you," Kurt admitted. "The thing is that Shane is afraid that his father would send someone after you, too, if he was to make the connection. That's why Shane doesn't contact you anymore. He wants to protect you, Reed. But honestly, I don't think you're in danger."

"Why do you think so?" Reed asked and tucked some of his curly hair behind his ears. "If Mr Anderson hired someone to go after you, he could as well have his dogs set on me. I mean, Shane has been very straightforward with his advances on me. Someone could have noticed and told his father about it."

"Believe me, Blaine's father wouldn't risk going at you," Kurt insisted with a little laugh.

"Why not?" Reed asked again. "What makes you so sure? You're just saying that to soothe me, don't you?"

"No, I'm not," Kurt answered with a sigh. "Look, Reed, you're the son of Hilde Van Kamp. If something happened to you the whole world would talk about it! Me, however, I'm nobody. My bashing up was hardly mentioned in the local news. Nobody cares about a random gay kid being punched and Blaine's father knew that."

"You're not a nobody, Kurt," Reed protested with a sad smile. "You're my best friend. Hey, that makes you the best friend of Hilde Van Kamp's son. Ain't that something?"

"Thanks, you make me feel so special," Kurt replied with a smirk on his lips. "One of the advantages of being your best friend is the free stuff that comes along with it. I think I really need to go and take a closer look at those clothes you brought me."

"Oh, it's my pleasure! It's so nice to finally have a friend who appreciates clothes as much as I do." Reed said with a grin and tucked up his sleeve to have a look at his watch. "Gosh, I'd better go. Mom can get furious when we're behind the schedule."

"When does your plane take off?"

Reed waved Kurt's concern off. "Ah, it'll wait for us. We always travel by private jet. But Mom wants to be in New York by five o'clock and she can get really unpleasant if something doesn't work according to her plans."

Together they descended the stairs and were met by very loud and hysterical laughter from the living room. Reed stopped in his tracks and looked at Kurt in sheer wonder. "Do you hear that? What is that?"

"Sounds like Carole and your mother have fun with the movie," Kurt supplied with a grin. Reed's eyes expanded. "I haven't heard my Mom laugh since... Gosh, I don't even remember since when."

Downstairs they found the whole place was blocked with what looked like a hundred racks and boxes. Kurt grabbed Reed's arm. "Say, just how many clothes did you bring?"

"Uhm, I didn't really count them," Reed shrugged. "I just got as much as fit into the limo."

Following the sound of excited laughter the two of them fought their way through the maze of clothes to the couch and were presented with the sight of the two different women clutching each other's arms while laughing their heads off. Reed stared at his mother in awe and looked like he was trying to figure out if she was currently possessed or alienated. He cleared his throat. "Mom? I think we need to leave?"

"Already? Oh dear! Time flys when you're having fun, they say, right?"

"We need to repeat this, Hilde," Carole said and wiped tears of laughter from her eyes.

"We certainly have to, my dear." Hilde Van Kamp got to her feet and smoothed her skirt. "Geoffrey? Are you finished?"

"Yes, Ma'am," came the muffled voice from somewhere out of the mass of clothes.

"Fantastic. We're leaving then. Oh, where's the door?"

"Uh, somewhere over there, I think," Carole answered and took the lead, working her way between racks of shirts and trousers and over boxes, with Hilde, Reed and Kurt following close behind. "Carole, I think you need to keep to the right," Kurt shouted over to her. "Or else we'll end up in the kitchen."

"Oh, I guess you're right, honey. Now, I think I'm lost. All I see is coats and jackets."

"We're standing in front of the fall collection, dear," Hilde helped her out. "This means the spring collection has to be to our left, those were the last boxes Geoffrey brought in, so inevitably the door should be right over there." Hilde Van Kamp parted a couple of coats and stepped through the rack.

Reed turned to smile over his shoulder at Kurt, "Look, these are the kilts of Mom's latest collection." He pointed to a rack to their left. "I love them, but I'd never dare wearing them… maybe if you did, too. We could wear them at the Dalton spring festival maybe?"

"Great idea, Reed," Kurt said, encouraging his friend while climbing over a couple of boxes. "Watch out!" Reed stumbled over a small box and caught himself at another pile of boxes.

"Did you hurt yourself?" Kurt asked and reached over to lend his friend a hand.

"No, I'm okay. But I nearly crushed the boxes filled with accessories. You know, scarves, gloves, hats and ties. I think I may have seen somes brooches, too. I know how you like animal brooches. There's some really fancy ones with birds, I like those."

"I'm sure I'll love them," Kurt said and after making sure that his friend was standing on firm feet, he wanted to withdraw his hands, but the smaller boy now took both of his hands into his. "Kurt, when will you come back to school?"

Kurt drew a breath. "I don't know yet," he answered honestly. If he could choose, he didn't want to return to Dalton at all. Not without Blaine being there. Not when _everything_ there reminded him of Blaine. But he didn't tell his friend. "But you'll be the first to know, I promise."

* * *

><p>When Finn came home and opened the door he froze on the spot, because several lines of coat racks blocked his way inside. "Hello?", he called out tentatively.<p>

He heard muffled voices coming near and suddenly the clothes on the rack in front of him parted and a woman appeared. "I found the door! Oh hello!" The blonde woman stepped outside and straightened her clothes. She was followed by a blond curly head whom Finn recognized as one of the Dalton Warbler boys and Kurt and his mother and a man wearing a funny driver's hat.

"Finn, what are you doing home again?" Carole asked, astonished to see him.

"Uhm, when I got back to school I was told that the last couple of classes were cancelled for today, because one of the teachers got sick, so I could drive back home."

"This is my son Finn," Carole introduced him to the tall woman. "This is Hilde Van Kamp, her son Reed and their assistant and driver Geoffrey."

"Uhm, hi." Finn waved his hand awkwardly. Hilde Van Kamp stared up at him, open-mouthed and not even trying to hide her excitement. "Oh mon dieu!" She exclaimed in utter astonishment and before Finn could figure out what the hell that meant, she got a tape line out of her purse and seized Finn up from shoulders to feet and around his waist.

"Your build is extraordinary, Tim. You truly inspire me! Your sons are amazing, Carin. I'm getting so many ideas for my new collection just by looking at these two young men."

"They're still teenagers, but thank you, and it's still Carole," Carole said with an amused smile. "And this is Finn, not Tim."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, dear. I can tell you the body measurements of any person I've met, but I'm awful when it comes to remember names." She turned to address Finn again. "But dear boy, why are you wearing... _this?"_

"Huh?" Finn put on the dumbfounded expression that he mastered perfectly.

"I hate to say it," Kurt cut in, cupping his mouth with one hand in a confidential way, "but Finn's a caveman, at least fashion-wise."

"I see," Hilde Van Kamp said, tapping one finger at her chin. "Well, I'm going to check with my store appartment to see if I have some clothing your size that I can send down. Reed, I'm sure you have got the mailing address of this residence?"

"Of course I do, Mom," Reed rolled his eyes. "Which address do you think I gave Geoffrey to get here?"

"Drive safely," Carole said and the Hummel-Hudson family members watched as the Van Kamps and their driver walked down the pathway.

"What the hell was that?" Finn asked when the limousine drove off.

"Whatever it was, it sure felt like a tornado," Kurt chuckled and Carole nodded her agreement.

"And why does this woman want to send clothes for me? Do I look like a charity case?"

"No, but you definitely look like a fashion victim," Kurt grinned and tucked fondly at Finn's sweater.

"And what is this?" Finn pointed to the incredible amount of clothes that were clogging up their hallway and living room.

"This? Apparently this is Reed's idea of a small get well soon gift."

"Wow!" Finn scratched the back of his head.

"Finn, would you mind helping me store all this away? Somehow... somewhere... I think we need to attach another room to the house. Oh, I always dreamed of a walk-in closet."

Finn put his arm around Kurt's shoulders and drew him to his side. "You always dream big, don't you, Kurt Hummel?"

Kurt smacked Finn's belly and smiled up at his brother. "And you're always hungry, Finn Hudson. I can hear your stomach rumble. How about I fix you a snack and you go figure out something to get my new clothes stored away neatly?"

Finn narrowed his eyes for a moment, before he let his lopsided smile show. "Deal."

* * *

><p><strong>I don't know about you, but I would love to have Reed and his Mom show up at my door and bring a bunch of new clothes for me! XD<strong>

**Besides, the way I write Mrs Van Kamp is quite different from the way she is portrayed in 'Dalton', so I hope you enjoy my version of her. ;)**

**Next chapter: **

Kurt's Friday is not over yet. There's still one chapter left with a lot of Furt moments. And then it's Blaine's turn again, I promise.

**Okay I need to say this now: Whenever I feel sad and down, I just need to read all your lovely encouraging reviews for No Regrets or Tony and Maria or Something's Coming and you make me smile again! All of you, thank you so much for all your love and support over the past few months! **

**I hope you'll continue to send me your love along the way (and well, constructive criticisms are also welcome). ;)**

**Btw, I'm writing a new story and I will have the first chapter up later today! I hope you'll have a look at it, too! **

**:D**


	26. Who knew

**Author's Note: **

**Ha, ha, I know that most of you hate the slow burn and that you desperately want Klaine to be back together again. Well, yeah... I know it, but there's nothing I can do about it. Hey, I'm just the author of this thing, I have no control over it ;)**

**A HUGE THANKS to colfermentalhead again for being just awesome and a great help! :D**

**Btw, to all of you who love Reed and Shane (or have fallen for them while reading No Regrets), please go and read "Love and Music", it's a short Rane fic written by MissMarauder93. You'll find it on my favorite's list. It's super-cute and it captures the boys so well! Please give MissMarauder some love and encourage her to write more! Thanks! :)**

**This chapter is Friday night for Kurt. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Finn and Carole helped Kurt organise the clothes the Van Kamp's had brought him, but there was no way they could stuff all of them into Kurt's closet, the basement or in the attic (the latter Kurt highly protested). Apparently they needed a new room for them which they didn't have, so they settled to keep most of the racks in the living room for now until Kurt had gone through them and selected out those clothes he would definitely wear.<p>

Going through all the boxes and clothes was a good thing for Kurt, because it kept him busy. And being busy meant less time on his hands to think about Blaine.

After dinner, Finn and Kurt settled into the couch to watch a movie.

"Uhm... tomorrow's Saturday," Finn suddenly announced and Kurt reached out to pat his knee in a condescending manner. "Very good observation, Finn."

"Yeah, well, Rachel is having a party. Apparently her dads are in San Francisco to celebrate an anniversary or something and Rachel asked me if you wanted to come."

"To her party?"

"Yeah, it'll be fun."

"Is there any particular reason for the party?" Kurt asked, to buy himself some time. He did want to see his McKinley friends again, but he wasn't ready to talk about Blaine yet and he knew they would ask him about him.

"Uhm, yeah, we're celebrating Brittany's driving licence. She has it for over a week now without any accidents, so I guess that's a reason to celebrate."

"It certainly is," Kurt confirmed.

"So you're coming?"

"I don't know..."

"I kinda thought we could go to the mall tomorrow afternoon and then go to Rachel's."

"You want to go shopping with me?" Kurt turned to stare at his brother in astonishment.

"Yeah," Finn arched his eyebrows. "You promised you would help me find some new clothes, remember?"

Actually, Kurt didn't remember. But it still was shocking to have Finn Hudson ask him to go to the mall and help him to pick out clothes for him. "I don't think you need to go shopping, Finn," Kurt said, with a little smirk playing along the corners of his mouth. "Now that Hilde Van Kamp has your body measurements, I'm sure an emergency package is already on the way. She seemed very fond of you right from the start."

Finn made a face. "I don't want that crazy woman's clothes."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Kurt waved his objections off, "her collection is amazing!"

"But I don't wanna wear kilts and stuff."

Kurt sighed with a roll of his eyes. "I assure you, her range for men's clothes is a bit wider than just kilts. And don't you dare to turn her offer down. Those are designer clothes, they cost a bunch!"

"Whatever," Finn said and took a sip of his coke. "There are sales this weekend in that favorite store of yours so we should at least go and have a look, don't you think?"

Kurt turned to look at him in sheer awe. "How do you even know what my favorite store is?"

"Mercedes told me."

Kurt's face lit up a little. After all Mercedes was still his best friend. She knew him better than anyone else. Suddenly he felt bad for not contacting her. She was just worried about him, so he should talk to her soon and let her know he was alright, well, sort of. "It would be nice if Mercedes came with us," Kurt said. "If you don't mind, I'll text her."

"I've asked her already," Finn told him. "She really wanted to come, but she already had plans with Sam. She'll be at the party though, so you can see her there."

Kurt was puzzled. "What kind of plans does she have with Sam?"

"Dunno," Finn said with a shrug. "What couples usually do on a date."

"Couple? You mean they're together?" Kurt's jaw dropped on the floor. "Gosh, when did that happen?"

"Actually, they've been a couple since New Year's, yeah... uhm, I guess Mercedes forgot to tell you due to circumstances?"

"Oh," Kurt propped his chin in one hand. He was really a bad best friend. He hadn't cared about anyone except Blaine for the past few weeks. No surprise that he'd missed such important news in all of his friends lives. No surprise that Reed showed up at his doorstep to force some information out of him. And no surprise that Mercedes rather spend time with her new boyfriend than with him.

"You know, Mercedes was pretty much upset with what happened to you," Finn explained. "And I think Sam took care of her and it was kind of what brought them together."

"Hey, I'm glad to hear that me being bashed up was good for something," Kurt said, his voice now dripping with sarcasmn. "A love story was born from it. Wow! If I am ever to meet Devon again I'll keep in mind to properly thank him for helping my best friend find her true love."

"Kurt..." Finn said carefully.

"I know, I'm sorry," Kurt said tiredly. "I'm happy for Mercedes, I really am."

"So you'll come?" Finn asked again. "Tomorrow? To the mall with me? And then to Rachel's?"

Kurt nodded with a sigh. He couldn't hide from his friends forever.

"Awesome! It's a date!" Finn cheered, but then quickly backpedalled. "I mean, uhm, it's not a date, but you know."

Kurt just shook his head at his weird brother and stifled a yawn. "Could you stop talking now, please? I want to see that movie."

"I still don't get what it's about."

"It's a Disney movie, Finn. It's really not a very complicated story. You just need to enjoy the singing and the cuteness."

"If you say so."

"I do, so be quiet now!"

"Why do I need to be quiet, when you'll burst out in song any minute anyway?" Finn grinned and reached out to ruffle Kurt's hair, but Kurt caught his wrist and shot him a deathly look. "Don't!"

"Okay, I won't! But could you please sit closer? I'm cold."

"What am I? Your personal blanket?"

"Shh, be quiet! I wanna see that movie," Finn said with a wide mocking grin on his face and Kurt slapped him playfully before leaning into him.

* * *

><p>When Burt came home he was surprised and rather touched to see his two boys on the couch. Kurt was fast asleep at Finn's shoulder with Finn's arm draped around him and a Disney movie was playing on TV. Finn put his finger to his lips and made a shush sound, apparently worried about Burt waking Kurt up. Then Finn motioned for the remote which was just out of his reach and mouthed, "Give me the remote."<p>

Burt smirked and handed the remote to Finn who stopped the Disney movie and changed to a sports program. Burt went into the kitchen where Carole was warming up dinner for him and he found himself wondering, just when did this happen?

Just a few months ago Burt had been worried sick about the two of them becoming brothers. Kurt and Finn had both been struggling hard to get used to the fact that they weren't only children anymore. Also the fact that Kurt had started boarding at Dalton almost immediately after the wedding and moving houses hadn't improved the situation. The boys never got a chance to adjust to the fact that they were living under the same roof when Kurt only showed up for the weekends.

Yeah, the boys had gotten along pretty well so far, but never like this.

Burt knew that his son has never been a touchy person and he couldn't even remember the last time Kurt had cuddled casually with his old man on the couch. Considering the fact that Finn used to be kind of homophobic and afraid of Kurt's advances, Burt was rather stunned to see that Finn was so fond of his brother now.

Another thing Burt couldn't help but noticing were all the boxes and the racks of clothes in every possible corner of every room. "Uhm, what's with the clothes?"

"Don't ask," Carole said with a laugh. "We had unexpected company today. Sit down and I'll tell you everything while you eat."

Burt liked the happy smirk on his wife's face, but before she launched into her story, he had one more question. "Did Kurt eat something today?"

Carole shook her head. "Just his shakes."

"The boy needs to eat something."

"Give him some time," Carole said with a confident smile. "He'll be alright."

* * *

><p>At night Kurt sneaked into the kitchen to help himself to a glass of ice tea. He couldn't sleep. His head was buzzing with memories of Blaine again and he didn't want to lie alone in his bed, but somehow he'd missed the opportunity to ask Finn if he could bunk with him again.<p>

And to sneak into Finn's bed when his brother was already asleep was just creepy.

While he was rummaging in the kitchen, he hummed a melody that was haunting him since he'd tried to get some sleep. He had avoided all Katy Perry and Pink songs for the past weeks, because he really wasn't into self-torture, thank you very much. But this one was just stuck in his head and he thought that maybe singing it would help get it out.

So he quietly sung to himself and tried to ignore the pain these words aroused in him.

"Remember when we were such fools  
>And so convinced and just too cool<br>I wish I could touch you again  
>I'd give anything"<p>

"Hey bro!"

Kurt startled and spilled some tea on the floor. With a sigh, he grabbed a sponge from the sink and mopped up his mess.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Finn said, as he waddled up next to him and leaned against the counter.

"I was just deep in thought. I didn't hear you," Kurt replied while putting the tea back and closing the refrigerator door.

"Can't you sleep?" Finn asked. "Me neither."

"Let me guess," Kurt raised a brow at him. "You're still hungry."

"I don't like it when Mom does her vegetable medley," Finn complained. "I just don't get it. What's the sense in having a plate full of carrots and peas and broccoli? It's like having to watch a talk show with Mariah Carey, Lady Gaga and Tina Turner on the couch. Nobody wants to see that! Duh!"

"Well, while I would definitely tune in, because such an ensemble would be highly entertaining, I can still see your point," Kurt admitted and added with a sigh, "How about I make you some scrambled eggs and toast?"

"Oh, yes, _please_! I'd love you forever!"

"Okay, scrambled eggs and toast it is then," Kurt said with a smile, "but only on condition that you never compare Lady Gaga with vegetables again."

"I swear that never ever will I compare Lady Gaga with broccoli again," Finn said all serious which made his brother giggle.

Kurt broke a couple of eggs into a bowl, scrambled them, added milk and heated the pan. It felt good doing something productive and he didn't even mind that Finn was watching his every move. "Don't you want some yourself?" Finn asked when Kurt was finished and put the eggs plus two slices of toast onto a plate and held it out for his brother to take.

"No, I'll just have my tea." They sat down at the table and Kurt watched his brother eat while he sipped his ice tea.

"Wow, this is the most tasty bite ever," Finn declared enthusiastically. "I want to marry you, Kurt!"

A little smile flickered over Kurt's lips. "Lucky thing we already live together. No funny surprises after the marriage."

Finn looked up all serious. "Yeah, right! I never thought about that."

Kurt cocked his head at Finn. "That was a joke."

"Oh, sure." Finn stared at Kurt while munching his toast thoughtfully.

"What?" Kurt didn't want to admit it, but Finn's gaze made him nervous.

Suddenly Finn reached out over the table and for a sec Kurt thought he wanted to grab the salt, (a snarky remark was already on the tip of his tongue about how his cooking couldn't be as pleasing as Finn had pointed out when he still needed salt), but instead he placed his hand over Kurt's.

"I was really worried about you today," Finn said, barely audible because his mouth was full of scrambled eggs, making Kurt giggle again despite of the serious comment.

"Your lack of manners really doesn't reflect well on Carole," Kurt replied with a little laugh, his eyes on their linked hands on the table.

Finn's hand was so big compared to his own, and the touch was warm and soothing. Knowing that he wasn't alone and someone cared about him made some of the pain go away, well, lessen some of it. Finn was really putting himself out for him lately and Kurt appreciated it so much.

_When someone said count your blessings now  
>For they're long gone<br>I guess I just didn't know how  
>I was all wrong<br>_

_They knew better  
>Still you said forever<br>And ever  
>Who knew?<em>

Reed had been right. Nobody could look into other people's heads. Who knew beforehand that all this was going to happen? He couldn't have known what was going on in Blaine's head. But still, it was no consolation for Kurt. He wished Blaine would've talked to him about it, whatever it was.

He wished Blaine would've felt like he could confide in him.

He wished…

"I hate Karofsky for what he did to you," Finn suddenly said seemingly out of nowhere and dragged Kurt out of his dark thoughts. "Because it would be so cool if you were still at McKinley."

"Well yeah," Kurt shrugged. He didn't really want to talk about Karofsky, not now or ever. "No use crying over spilled milk, right?"

Finn still hadn't let go of his hand, instead he tightened his grip on it. It was an overwhelming gesture for Kurt, seeing that Finn wasn't awkward about touching him anymore. It made him realize that the brotherly bond between them was real and a funny kind of love and gratitude swelled in his chest for his brother. Evidently Finn really meant what he'd said on their parents wedding.

"Hey, funny story," Finn changed subjects once more. "When I woke up this morning and you were lying next to me, well, on top of me actually…"

"Finn, do you mind if I bunked with you again tonight?" Kurt broke in and had to swallow around the knot in his throat.

"Uhm… course not."

"Really? If I make you feel uncomfortable, you can tell me and it's okay."

"No, I liked sleeping with you," Finn said honestly. "It's nice, you know, and warm, with someone next to me."

"Thanks." Kurt smiled thinly and put his chin in his hand tiredly.

_I'll keep you locked in my head  
>Until we meet again<br>And I won't forget you my friend  
>What happened?<br>_

What happened?

Kurt knew he wouldn't be able to find sleep while all those questions were still haunting him. Last night when he'd bunked with Finn he had been entirely exhausted by the video game they'd played and he had fallen asleep immediately. Maybe that would help tonight, too.

"How about another round of that car race game before we go to sleep?"

"You really like that game, huh?" Finn said, grinning widely and finished his snack.

* * *

><p>There was a strange new feeling building up inside of him. It consisted mostly of failure. He had failed in making Blaine happy. Who knew where they would be today if only he had been able to make Blaine feel loved and treasured. His boyfriend might never even have considered taking pills at all. They would be making plans for the weekend together, they would be texting or talking on the phone right now. He wouldn't be sitting in Finn's room on the carpet trying to forget about everything...<p>

"I still can't believe all this is happening," Kurt suddenly said and lowered his controller. "But it is real, isn't it?"

"Oh it is! This time I'm gonna beat you, I'm already three points ahead of you," Finn replied and thumbed his controller eagerly.

"No, I mean…" Kurt looked over at Finn helplessly and just then he was certain he was going to cry, but not just cry, but cry those hot, angry tears that sting your eyes and make every inside of you ache. "It feels like I'm supposed to wake up any minute and Blaine will be lying next to me and I will tell him about this weird dream I had where he had disappeared and he would tell me not to worry."

"Kurt..." Finn was staring at him now, the game completely forgotten.

"And I know I shouldn't feel guilty about this," Kurt continued hoarsly, "but if I had made Blaine see how much he means to me and how much I love him..."

"No, no, no!" Finn shook his head earnestly. "_Don't_ think that way. It's not your fault."

"I know I wasn't the reason he did it," Kurt explained slowly, "but I wasn't the reason he wanted to live either."

"Blaine's a fool for doing this! Suicide is just wrong!"

Kurt felt like he should protest, but he was just too weak to say anything. He felt cold and numb and still fought the urge to cry. Gosh, would he ever stop crying over this?

"Kurt? Hey, Kurt," Finn tried to get through to him with a soft voice. "What's going on in that head of yours? What are you feeling?"

"I don't feel anything," Kurt said, his voice flat and lifeless, as he was staring in front of him at the screen.

For a moment they just sat there in silence.

Finn put his controller down and leaned across the carpet to close the distance between them. Before Kurt knew what was happening, Finn was kissing him. On the mouth. He pressed his lips determinedly on his brother's until Kurt backed off.

Wide-eyed Kurt stared at his brother. He was too perplexed to even be angry.

"What was that?"

"A distraction!" And now Finn was grinning at him as if he'd just presented him the key for all his problems. "It worked, didn't it? It made you feel something again."

"Yeah," Kurt said slowly, eying his brother as if checking him for visible symptoms of a mental disease. "Something for sure, you know, a great deal of confusion and disgust."

"Disgust?" Finn asked, clearly surprised.

"Well, maybe not disgust. But the confusion thing definitely isn't working in your favor. I can't believe you did that." Kurt was coming back to his senses and those included anger, which he now released at his brother. "I can't believe you just kissed me, Finn! Are you out of your mind?"

"A year ago you were dying to be kissed by me," Finn stated the fact with a nonchalant shrug.

"No, I was not!" Kurt protested loudly. "Don't flatter yourself, Finn Hudson."

_The last kiss I'll cherish, __until we meet again…_

"Do you realize you just took Blaine's last kiss away from me?" Kurt narrowed his eyes at the realization. "Oh my God..."

Finn frowned. "C'mon it was just a kiss."

"Just a kiss?" Kurt laughed humorlessly. "A year ago you wouldn't even let me touch you with a moist towelette."

Finn shrugged. "I've grown up, like you told me to."

"Whatever." Kurt shook his head. "I'll have you know that brothers usually don't kiss."

"How about a kiss goodnight?"

"Yeah, alright, but not on the lips. What made you think this was a good idea?"

"Dunno. You know, I'm used to kissing Rachel when she talks too much and I want her to shut up. Then she asks me what the kiss was for and I tell her that she's so cute, I just couldn't resist kissing her. And then we make out and I don't need to listen to her rambling any longer."

"So you kissed me to shut me up?" Kurt arched his eyebrows at his brother questioningly.

"No, I told you, for distraction."

"Let's get some sleep," Kurt said with a sigh and stood up. "But no more kissing, okay?"

Finn chuckled at this. "Whatever makes you happy."

Kurt lay down on Finn's bed and tried to sleep. But he ended up thinking of the last kiss he'd shared with his boyfriend, the one before Blaine drove away from their house. Kurt was aware that no matter how much time passed, the separation from Blaine would never get any easier.

Every passing day only made things worse.

_And time makes it harder  
>I wish I could remember<br>But I keep your memory  
><em>

_You visit me in my sleep  
>My darling, who knew<br>My darling, I miss you_

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter:<strong>

Pink – Who knew

**Next chapter: **

Blaine starts his Friday! There'll be some sweet moments, but also a lot of 'WTF is going on?' ;)

* * *

><p><strong>To all of you who want to know when Kurt and Blaine will finally see each other's video messages. OK, I'll tell you as much: This particular weekend will be a couple of chapters long. Kurt will finally get to watch Blaine's "Lost without you" video on SUNDAY! And as it happens Blaine will see Kurt's "No air" video (along with other stuff) also on Sunday. <strong>

**But there's still a long, long Saturday in between. ;) So please have patience, folks. **

**Reviews? **

**And don't forget to go and read "Love and Music" by MissMarauder93! :)**


	27. Don't wanna miss a thing

**Author's Note:**

**This is Blaine's chapter! Finally! :D**

**Enjoy! **

**And please don't throw rocks at me when you're finished, okay?**

* * *

><p>Blaine woke up with the remnants of a juicy dream on his mind and a hard-on.<p>

Well, the juicy dream wasn't the problem, neither was the aroused part of his body. Living in the luxury of having his own room at Dalton he usually enjoyed taking care of himself after a hot dream like that.

However, the problem at hand was that he wasn't at Dalton.

And he wasn't alone either.

So, he couldn't just start jerking himself off right now, and he most definitely couldn't ask the other occupant of the bed to join him.

Because unfortunately they weren't at _that_ stage of their relationship yet.

So Blaine sighed and willed his arousal to fade away, but seriously? How was that possible when the most delicious body he always dreamed of being close to was lying ON TOP OF HIM? Holy Heavens! Kurt! What on earth was his boyfriend doing in his sleep?

Knowing how Kurt wasn't a very touchy person when awake, Blaine was utterly surprised to find his boyfriend literally wrapped around his body and of course sound asleep. Kurt's fingers were knotted firmly into the hem of Blaine's shirt, his head rested on Blaine's chest and his hair was tickling Blaine's nose. But most excitingly Kurt's thigh was lying across Blaine's lower body, pressuring ever so wonderfully on Blaine's hard-on. Geez...

He told himself that he shouldn't be enjoying this closeness as much as he did, at least not as long as Kurt was still asleep. But Blaine couldn't help it. He'd been dreaming of being close to Kurt, how could he not cheer loudly inwardly and relish in the way Kurt made him feel and his body reacting to him?

And not just his cock was excited, also his heart was definitely beating faster now. Gosh, he loved Kurt on all possible levels, but oh dear, the sexual attraction was on a very high level right now.

He needed to distract himself. He didn't want Kurt to wake up and be greeted by his large piece of morning wood. Kurt shouldn't think he was just a horny dog, he'd never again share a bed with him!

But maybe Kurt would be turned on if he knew Blaine was turned on...

For a moment Blaine lost himself into hot fantasies about some really sexy times with his boyfriend, which wasn't really helping his case right now.

Stop it, Blaine Anderson! He told himself and rubbed his hand over his face.

Okay, so what did he think of last night to calm down after their wild kissing? Oh right, he'd imagined to be caught in the act by Kurt's father who stormed into the room and...

Blaine's gaze turned to the closed door and he listened intently to any sounds that indicated that Kurt's parents were already awake. Nothing. But better not risk anything.

Slowly he pushed Kurt's leg away and inhaled deeply at the sudden friction sending shivers of pleasure through his whole body. He tried to slide out from underneath his boyfriend, but Kurt only clung to him even more determined as if his sleeping self was aware of his boyfriend's intention to put some distance between their bodies. Kurt even hummed in protest in his sleep! Blaine stopped his efforts and instead wrapped his arms around his boyfriend to hold him close. He had no idea how incredible adorable his boyfriend was even in his sleep. "Don't worry, I'm not leaving yet," he whispered along with a little chuckle.

This was the first time they'd shared a bed and woken up together. Well, right, Blaine had been over night at Kurt's once before, but drunk and dumb and when he'd woken up with the worst hangover ever, Kurt had already been up for ages. Sitting down for breakfast with the Hummel-Hudson family had been an awkward idea back then and he'd settled for just a coffee to go and fled Kurt's house like a criminal on the run, highly embarrassed and determined to never touch alcohol ever again.

Now Kurt buried his face deep into the crook of Blaine's neck and his left arm was around Blaine's middle in a vise grip that had Blaine wonder how strong his boyfriend really was. He smiled to himself. It would be hard to leave after this. He could relate to the way Kurt didn't want to let go of him. They had a long week of separation ahead. Christmas break. Hell, never before had holidays sucked so much!

The morning light shone in through a crack in the curtains and illuminated Kurt's sleeping figure. Blaine watched Kurt's face just inches away from his own, he could feel his soft breathing against his neck. It made him wish he could just lie here with him forever, holding Kurt close and just be with him. He wanted more of this! He wanted to get to know Kurt in any way possible.

And as he lay there a song came into his mind. Aerosmith, of course, because it was just perfect. He'd always been an obsessive music lover, always humming a melody, always a song on his lips, but with Kurt those songs suddenly meant something. Blaine had learned to expand his horizons and to experiment. Also his boyfriend inspired him for his own songwriting. Ever since Kurt came into his life, music wasn't the same as before. And ever since he was on the search for the perfect love song.

_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
>Watch you smile while you are sleeping<br>Far away and dreaming  
><em>

Right now he wanted Kurt to wake up so he could sing Aerosmith to him. In his head he already pictured himself singing it and the way Kurt would raise his eyebrows at him in mock-disapproval of his oh so cheesy song choice, but inwardly Kurt's romantic heart would melt away and want more more _more_ of all the cheesiness Blaine had to offer.

_I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
>I could stay lost in this moment forever<br>Well, every moment spent with you  
>Is a moment I treasure<br>_

Kurt was in his arms. This was all he had ever dreamed of, to finally have someone in his life to love and to hold. The bittersweet agony of their little fight of last night still lingered in his mind, the fear and doubt in Kurt's eyes had hurt so much to see. It was something Blaine never wanted to see again. From now on all he wanted was to make Kurt happy and let him know every day that he was the most precious thing to him. For a start he hoped that his Christmas gift could bring some happiness into Kurt's life.

_I don't wanna close my eyes  
>I don't wanna fall asleep<br>'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
>And I don't wanna miss a thing<br>_

A smile spread on Blaine's face as he imagined giving his present to Kurt. He was planning to call Kurt first thing on Christmas morning so he could hear Kurt's inevitable squeal when his boyfriend opened the last box of the annoying box in box present. Blaine just hoped the bracelet would make Kurt see how serious he was about their relationship and how Kurt's worry had been absolutely unnecessary.

_'Cause even when I dream of you  
>The sweetest dream will never do<br>I'd still miss you, babe  
>And I don't wanna miss a thing<br>_

Blaine enjoyed watching his boyfriend sleep. He was just plain beautiful. His hair was an adorable mess and there was a cute pillow pattern on his cheek. Kurt's eyes moved slightly underneath the lids and made Blaine wonder what he dreamed of in this moment. And then all of a sudden he felt this incredible unbelieveable love, so pure and true and wished he could make Kurt feel how he felt right now, so Kurt would never doubt his love again.

_Lying close to you  
>Feeling your heart beating<br>And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
>Wondering if it's me you're seeing<br>_

Blaine knew they were still young and first love was always smiled upon, no one expected a high school love to last. But he had strong feelings about Kurt. He _wanted_ it to last and he would do anything to make it work. First step on this path was to get on good terms with his own family. Blaine never wanted for Kurt to have to face difficulties with his parents, especially not with his father.

_Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together_

So, his parents needed to understand and accept the fact that he was gay. Like Valerie had pointed out his father would be furious if he found out about Kurt. He had to find a way to be okay with his father. He still didn't know how, but he just had to, so that he could have a future with Kurt without dark clouds constantly hanging over them. His boyfriend should never have to suffer from his father's homophobia.

That's why he had to drive home for Christmas and try to make amends with his father. He knew his mother wouldn't be there to spend Christmas with them, she had already told them that she'd stay in Los Angeles. But his father had invited Shane and him to come home and spend the holiday with him on Hawaii. Valerie and Devon were invited to come along, too, which was good, they were like a bumper and could smoothe things out if Blaine and his father were to get heated again. It was always a lucky thing when Valerie was around. She knew how to handle his father.

Blaine tried to shake those thoughts off, he didn't want to think about it now. How could he make his family see that all he wanted was to stay with Kurt forever? He couldn't imagine loving somebody else as much as he loved Kurt. Funny, how you can be so sure about something like that. Blaine had seen a lot of relationships split up and he knew it was arrogant to think they would last, but somehow being with Kurt felt just right. Like he'd finally found his place in life.

It was so easy to picture himself with Kurt in the future. He knew they would make it. This wasn't just a high school flame. It didn't even matter that they were each other's first boyfriends. Blaine just knew there was no one else for him. One day Blaine would live with Kurt, they would have their own flat and maybe later their own house and he would help Kurt decorate for Christmas, because of course Kurt would buy lots of decoration. He could see all of it already. Christmas with Kurt would be amazing. But yet he had to endure this year's Christmas at his father's house.

Blaine didn't think his father had bothered to have their house decorated this year. They would just head towards Hawaii immediately and their house wouldn't see one piece of Christmas season decoration this year. Their mother always took care of these kind of things, appearances, showing a whole happy family, although she was unhappy and had started to drown her misery in alcohol.

He pulled Kurt closer and wished he didn't have to go. Yeah, he didn't want to miss a thing when it came to his boyfriend. And one week of separation sounded truly awful. But then again they would be speaking on the phone every day and send each other pictures. Kurt had asked to get a beach picture of Blaine in colorful Hawaiian shorts and bare chest. But when he asked for a bare chest picture in return Kurt suddenly changed his mind in that adorable flustered way.

"I'm going to make things okay with my family, I'll do it for you and me, Kurt," he murmured against Kurt's forehead. Blaine could smell the beloved scent of Kurt's skin right next to him. They were lying close together, arms wrapped around each other, like no one could ever separate them.

He just had to survive one week with his father on Hawaii and then he'd be back for New Year's to spend it for the first time with his boyfriend. _Boyfriend_. The word was still magical. He already looked forward to New Year's so much, watching fireworks with Kurt and kissing him at midnight, holding him tight and promise a future to him.

Perhaps Kurt's dad would be cool and let him bunk with Kurt again on New Year's and he could stay with Kurt like this again, once more. Forever. He wanted everything with Kurt. Holding hands, going to college together, sharing a flat, living together, growing old together... everything.

_And I just wanna stay with you  
>In this moment forever, forever and ever!<em>

Kurt stirred and nestled deeper into Blaine's side before he slowly opened his eyes.

"There you are", Blaine said softly and tilted his head. "I've been looking for you forever."

Kurt sighed and a smile settled on his lips. "What are you doing?" Kurt asked, his face still half-buried in his pillow.

"Watching you sleep", Blaine answered in a whisper. "And guess what? You're so cute when you're asleep."

Kurt groaned in disbelief, trying to hide his face away from his boyfriend, but Blaine didn't let him.

"I wish I didn't have to go," Blaine said sighing and they drowned into each other's eyes for a while.

"One week, Blaine. One week won't kill us."

"Will you miss me?" Blaine asked with a pouty face.

"Like hell," Kurt smiled at him with such warmth that Blaine couldn't help but fall in love all over again.

How could they have known that hell was waiting for both of them?

* * *

><p>Blaine woke up with tears in his eyes and he buried his face into his pillow to stifle the sobs that erupted from his throat.<p>

He'd just had the most vivid memory flash of waking up at Kurt's house. He could remember everything he'd felt that morning, how awkwardly horny he'd been, but also the love he'd felt and the happiness to be with Kurt.

He remembered every thought that had been running through his head, every single tiny move Kurt had made in his sleep, the flutter of his eye lids while dreaming.

He remembered everything about Kurt.

It seemed like bit by bit his memory returned and the pieces started fitting together. But still there was nothing about what happened at home with his father.

Blaine was shaken to the bone and couldn't help but surrender to helpless crying, because he missed being with Kurt so much and he was afraid that every passing hour would drag Kurt away from him and that if they ever saw each other again, it would be too late.

But then again he had faith in his boyfriend and knew that Kurt would wait for him and still love him, no matter what happens or how long this hell would go on.

* * *

><p>Blaine was still lying in his bed, depressed and bathing in self-pity when the door opened on Friday morning. Hastily he wiped his eyes and took a breath to steady himself, he didn't want to look as miserable as he felt. Besides, he was looking forward to seeing Gabriel and having a chat with him. Anything to distract him of his dark thoughts.<p>

Blaine sat up to say hello, but was startled to see another face than expected. It was an orderly Blaine had never seen before.

Immediately Blaine backed off against the wall, watching his visitor closely. The man was carrying a tray with breakfast, some sandwich and a yogurt, and put it unceremoniously on the table and then went back to stand by the door, watching him, not saying a word of explanation.

When Blaine didn't move the guy sighed and motioned towards the tray. "Eat, will ya? I don't have all the time in the world."

"Where's Gabriel?" Blaine insisted before he moved as much as a finger.

"Not here, as you can see," the guy retorted unfriendly, but Blaine didn't want to accept that answer.

"Where is he? He always brings my meals."

"Today I'm in charge," the man replied with a gruff. "Deal with it."

"Will he be back tomorrow?"

The guy just shrugged and pointed to the tray again.

A lot of thoughts ran through Blaine's mind in that moment. Maybe Gabriel just had a day off. Now that he thought about it Gabriel had been here every day since Blaine had been able to count the days. Surely he would have some free time sometimes.

Blaine got up and sat down at the table eventually, moving the chair around so that the man wasn't standing in his back. Slowly he began to eat.

But what if something had happened to Gabriel? What if somebody knew he'd been kissing Blaine? Maybe the room was monitored and wired after all and Gabriel just didn't know and was being told the room was a safe zone. Would they be upset about the fact that Gabriel was gay? Would he get fired? Had he already been fired? Or worse?

His eyes strayed to the little cup with a white pill in it. It wouldn't be a placebo today. It would be some kind of sedation drug to keep him quiet and compliant or whatever. Blaine didn't want to take it, but this big guy of an orderly surely would make him take it by force.

Okay, so this was just some kind of sedation drug, right? They thought Blaine was suicidal, so basically they just wanted him to be foggy and not able to think about hurting himself, right? Just something to keep him calm, so he wouldn't attack people for their phones.

Oh shit, had they found out about that?

Did they know Gabriel let him use his phone to watch videos?

Did they know Gabriel brought him a guitar and filmed him playing a song?

Had they taken Gabriel's phone away and seen it? Had he been kicked out for filming Blaine and trying to sneak it out? If so, did this mean Gabriel had never had the chance to send the video to Rachel? Would Kurt never see it?

Was all this the reason Gabriel wasn't here today?

Blaine looked up at the new orderly, trying to make something out of the man's posture, but the man just stared at him indifferently, oblivious to Blaine's inner turmoil.

Okay, so perhaps he was overreacting and nothing had happened at all. Gabriel surely deserved a day off of all this craziness. So Blaine decided he could take the dreaded pill today and then when Gabriel was back by tomorrow… but what if he wouldn't come back?

Without allowing himself to dwell on this thought any longer, Blaine popped the pill into his mouth and swallowed it with a sip of water.

"Open your mouth," the new guy said all business-like. Blaine just looked at him questioningly.

"Just checking if you really swallowed it," the guy explained annoyed. "Did Gabriel never do that?"

"Of course he did," Blaine answered, because he didn't want Gabriel to get into anymore trouble on his account. He opened his mouth and showed that he didn't hide the goddamn pill under his tongue.

Done with business, the guy grabbed the tray and left the room without a word.

Blaine sighed and hoped deeply that Gabriel would return for the afternoon ward round.

He got up and immediately felt dizzy. Woah! He swayed a second on the spot and then stumbled back to his bed to collapse onto it. When his head touched the pillow he felt weirdly light and carefree.

All the worries in his mind were gone, just like that, and were replaced by a welcome numbness.

* * *

><p>He must have slept the morning away, because suddenly it was afternoon and the same guy who had brought breakfast came through the door.<p>

Wait! Had lunch time passed already? Did he eat something? Blaine didn't feel hungry at all and he knew the way his stomach used to grumble when he missed just one meal. So had he eaten and just couldn't remember? He raked one hand through his hair and felt a little panic swell up inside his chest at another disturbing thought.

Was it even the same day?

Had they noticed he was getting his memories back and given him drugs to prevent it?

"Come with me," he guy ordered, but Blaine didn't move.

"Where's Gabriel?" he asked again.

"Not here," the man grunted unfriendly and held the door open. "Now come or do I need to make you?"

Slowly Blaine got up and followed him out of the room, along the hallway and into an elevator. "Where are we going?" he asked, but no surprise his question was ignored.

"This way," the guy guided him through the maze of corridors, but Blaine had walked this particular way already a few times to recognize it. They were heading to Dr. Nolan's office.

When Blaine entered the room he prepared himself for another boring quiz about his feelings, but today there was something off. A chair was placed in the middle of the room facing a screen and the shutters were closed to shut out the sunlight.

"Please sit down," Dr. Nolan motioned towards the chair.

Reluctantly Blaine sat down. Knowing fully well that if he didn't comply, they would make him to. Still he grew anxious again. Would they interview him about Gabriel? Would they ask him what had happened between them? About their strange little friendship? About the kiss? About the song video message?

Next to the chair was a little table with a suspicious looking device on it. Was this a polygraph? A lie detector?

Oh my God, they really would interrogate him about Gabriel, wouldn't they?

The orderly strapped him to the chair with touch fasteners, then put wires on his hands, his chest and his temples.

"What is this for?" Blaine asked, his voice strangely high in his own ears.

"It's just a heart rate monitor," Dr. Nolan said, apparently noticing how nervous Blaine became. "And the fastening of your arms is just so you don't move in your seat too much. It would mess with the results."

The results. What kind of results were they hoping to get?

The orderly positioned himself at the door and switched the lights off.

"You'll be shown pictures," Dr. Noland explained. "And you tell me whether you think what you see is right or wrong."

Dutifully Blaine concentrated on the screen.

The first picture was of a happy family on the playground. Certainly nothing wrong with that.

Next was an apparently upset man in a heated argument with a police officer. Whatever this was about, you definitely shouldn't question authority. Wrong.

A woman in a streetworker's gear. So, what's this? Bashing on stereotypes now? Or supporting women in traditionally men's jobs? Or was this even meant to turn him on? Blaine couldn't decide his answer and before he had the chance to say anything the next picture was up.

Two women kissing. Now, was this right or wrong? They were gay, so maybe this should be pegged as wrong, on the other hand straight men would find this picture appealing, so perhaps it was right?

The speed of the picture show increased, the different shots popped up faster, giving him no time to think about his answer. Apparently Dr. Noland did not care about his answer anyway, because he didn't complain when Blaine started saying "Dunno" at every picture and then didn't say anything at all anymore, because he was too overwhelmed by the flood of pictures.

War scenes, a lion catching an antelope, a scene from a football game, an alligator in the water, a demonstration in the street, a magazine headline 'Gay Bashing in Ohio', starving people in Africa, a beautiful woman in a fashion show onstage, the Hollywood mountain, a beggar on the street, top-less men playing beach ball, a girl eating ice cream, a picture of the Dalton Academy property, dying soldiers on the field...

Soon the pictures started mashing into one another and Blaine couldn't tell what he was seeing at all and then – a picture of Kurt.

Blaine's heart stopped beating.

It had just been on the screen for the split of a second.

And immediately Blaine questioned himself if he had really just seen a picture of his boyfriend or if he was imagining things.

Did they put a picture of Kurt in the mix? Did they want to see how he reacted to it? If so, his treacherous heart was definitely betraying him now, because his pulse was driving overload in panic.

Was this their way of telling him that they knew that Blaine still loved him? That he still was gay and dreamed of returning to his boyfriend? Was this some sort of a warning?

The pictures turned into horrible, unsettling scenes of war, violence, injustice and poverty.

Blaine wanted to look away, to close his eyes, but he couldn't. What if there was another picture of Kurt coming up? He needed to see it again, to know if it really had been there or if his mind was playing tricks on him.

He didn't know how long the picture show lasted, but it seemed like hours had passed when the screen finally went blank and the lights went back on. He hardly even noticed that he was released off the chair. There were no questions asked by Dr. Nolan. He was dismissed for today.

Back to his room he moved like he was in trance, barely seeing his surroundings, just following the lead of the man clad in white.

Blaine was relieved to be able to crawl back into his bed and to stay there for the rest of the day. He had a hell of a headache and the pictures still flashed through his mind, especially the one of Kurt. He couldn't even say what Kurt had looked like in the picture, only that he wore the Dalton uniform. All Blaine remembered was the feeling of shock upon seeing his boyfriend's face.

Blaine had a panic planted into his heart.

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

Aerosmith – I don't wanna miss a thing

**Next chapter: **

Oh don't we all love it when it's weekend? Next chapter is the start of Saturday for Blaine and Kurt!

Kurt will go shopping, yay! And run into someone... Not so yay!

And there'll be someone to see Blaine! Now I want you to place your guesses on who the visitor is. I promise it's really simple this time! ;)

**Reviews are very welcome!**


	28. Funny feelings

**Author's Note: **

**Okay, I don't know how this happened, but watch out for some confused feelings in this chapter. Although this is supposed to be Kurt's chapter, Finn has taken over.**

**Love you all for your support and patience! Thanks for sticking with me on this long ride! ;D**

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><p><strong>Funny feelings<strong>

On Saturday morning Finn was woken up by an insistent tap on his shoulder and a low voice speaking to him, "Finn, buddy, you said you were gonna help me. Get up, will ya?" Finn groaned, but moved to get up, just to find he couldn't really move, because Kurt was draped around him once again.

"Wait, I'll have him." Burt gently took Kurt's arms off Finn's waist and stuffed a pillow into them for Kurt to hold.

"Meet me outside in five," Burt instructed and hurried quietly out of the room.

Finn climbed over his brother to get out of bed, but halfway he stopped, his elbows on both sides of Kurt's shoulders, lingering there as he watched Kurt's sleeping face and resisted the urge to reach out and touch the still fading bruises on his brother's skin.

Instead Finn nuzzled into the crook of Kurt's shoulder and took a deep breath, taking in the scent of Kurt's skin, his hair… woah, he smelled good!

Uhm, what was he doing? Drowsily Finn let go of Kurt and got out of bed, stumbling into the bathroom. As much as he wanted to stay in bed, warm, cosy and snuggling with Kurt, he had to hurry, because Burt was waiting for him. He threw on some clothes, washed his face and hurried outside to help Burt chopping down bushes.

Six in the morning on a Saturday. Not Finn's favorite time to get up, but Burt had to be at the garage early to catch up with work, so they'd settled to do this first thing in the morning together.

Burt gave him a pair of workman's gloves and they worked silently in the cold January breeze. With a hedge trimmer Burt cut the branches of the line of bushes in front of their house, especially those surrounding their front door. Finn gathered the branches and stuffed them into plastic bags and carried them behind the garage. Then they got themselves a shovel and a hatchet to work out the roots.

Soon Finn's body was covered with sweat underneath his windbreaker and thick scarf whilst his hands were stiff and cold despite wearing gloves. But he didn't complain. Burt and Carole had explained to him that this needed to be done, so Kurt could feel safe again coming home.

They met Carole briefly on her way out for her early shift at work and she kissed Finn on the cheek. "Don't forget to take a hot shower when you're done, brown eyes. I don't want you to catch a cold." She drove away and upon seeing her leave Finn noticed how hungry he was. Funny how he always associated his mother with food.

"What are you doing out here?"

Finn looked up to see Kurt standing in the open door, hugging himself against the cold and staring at his father and stepbrother in utter astonishment.

"I promised Carole to get these ugly bushes out," Burt replied and without even looking up he worked steadily on. "So I might as well get it done with."

"Isn't this a task for spring?" Kurt asked, sighing. "Dad, it's cold, you're gonna get sick."

Finn wondered if Kurt was aware that they were doing this for him. But then again, Kurt was smart. Of course he knew. But he didn't look happy.

"Can I at least help you?"

"We're good, Kurt," Burt grumbled. "Get back inside."

But Kurt stayed, looking miserable and sorry. "When do you think will you be finished?

"I hope by eight," Burt answered and adjusted his baseball cap with a sigh. "I wanna drive over to the garage by nine."

"Okay then," Kurt said after a while and moved to close the door. "I'll prepare breakfast for you."

"Finn, can you get me the ladder from the garage? Finn?"

"Huh?" Finn jerked up from staring dreamily at the door where just a moment ago Kurt had been standing, talking about breakfast... "Yeah, I'll get it."

When all the bushes were out, they went to replace the lamp on the door for a brighter one and finally Burt declared that the work was done. It was 8.15 AM when they got back into the house. Kurt instructed them to change out of their work-clothes, get a shower and hurry to the table.

The moment Burt sat down, Kurt gave him the newspaper, a mug of steaming coffee and a quick kiss on the cheek. Then he put a plate of scrambled eggs, sausages and beacon in front of his father whose eyes widened at the pleasant but unexpected sight.

"Enjoy, because it's a once in a lifetime exception."

"What about me?" Finn asked, staring hungrily at Burt's food.

"I remember you saying pancakes were your favorite for breakfast?"

"Yes!" Finn confirmed and looked up expectantly.

"In the making," Kurt said with a smile and disappeared into the kitchen. Finn followed him and leaned against the counter. He watched Kurt flipping over a pair of pancakes with a spatula. Kurt's face was all concentrated, staring down into the pan, making sure the cakes were just right. But there was a tiny frown on his features and Finn could only guess what or whom Kurt was thinking about.

"Hold out your plate." Kurt put the pancakes on Finn's plate, then reached for the pitcher of batter and poured two more.

"Thanks." Finn sat down at the table.

"Forgot something?" Kurt went after him and put the maple syrup on the table.

"Woah, I love you! Seriously, you're awesome!"

Kurt raised one shoulder and replied with a playful smile, "I know."

When the next few pancakes were ready, Kurt brought them to Finn.

"I could get used to this service," Finn grinned up at him.

Kurt sat down in front of him, one elbow propped on the table and cheek in one hand, watching his brother eat whilst his father was hidden behind the newspaper.

"These are the best pancakes I've ever eaten," Finn praised and added in a whisper, "but don't tell Mom." He stuffed another big bite into his mouth and then pointed to his brother. "Don't you eat anything?"

"I still can't."

"Have you tried?"

Kurt shook his head.

Finn dipped a piece of pancake in syrup and held it out for Kurt who just lifted a brow.

"Open your mouth," Finn instructed and after a moment of hesitation Kurt obeyed. He closed his mouth around the bite and Finn withdrew the fork.

Finn watched his brother, fascinated by how long a person could chew on a little piece of pancake. "Down with it," Finn said after an insanely long time has passed.

Kurt swallowed with a grimace. Finn threw his arms up. "Hooray!"

Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Have another bite!" Finn cut his pancakes into pieces with his fork.

"No, thanks."

"Come on! It's delicious." Finn forked another bite and held it out for Kurt.

"That I live to see the day Finn Hudson shares his food," Kurt joked with a sigh. "Okay, I'll have another bite, but without syrup. It's too sweet."

Burt folded his newspaper in the middle and looked over the rim, watching how Finn fed Kurt with tiny pieces of pancake. He bit his tongue and hid his broad smile behind the paper again. Carole would squeal when he told her about this. He was just happy to see his son eating again, if only pancakes.

Kurt resumed his place in the kitchen to clean up. Finn joined him and hugged him from behind. "Thanks for making breakfast, bro. I love you!"

Kurt wiggled out of the embrace and pushed Finn at arm's length. "Are you aware that you keep telling me you love me?"

"Yeah, well, it's true, kind of..." Finn shrugged.

"Oh, I love you, too, big boy," Kurt reached up to pat Finn's cheek. "But you should save your I love you's for Rachel only. She might get jealous if she overheard you and I really don't want to deal with any Rachel Berry rivalry."

Burt appeared in the kitchen. "So, I'll be at the garage. You okay?"

The question was directed at Kurt, but Finn answered happily. "Yeah, we're going to the mall today. Shopping!"

Finnreceived two stares that clearly questioned his sanity.

"You sound as excited as he usually does before going shopping!" Burt said with a laugh and a nod towards his son. "Have fun, boys!"

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><p>"Okay, here's the deal," Kurt announced the moment they arrived in the parking lot and Finn turned the ignition off. "You try on every piece of clothing I give you! And you buy what I tell you to buy. I won't spend the next few hours selecting clothing for you and then have you buy none of it."<p>

"Hours?" Finn asked, his eyes widening in shock.

"And you let me see you in everything you try on," Kurt continued his list. "Don't hide away in the fitting room! Also you let me make adjustments to the clothes and I don't want you to freak out about me touching you!"

Finn looked at him in surprise. "When did I ever freak out about you touching me?"

Kurt tilted his head to look at him. "I just say two words: moist towelette."

Finn rolled his head into his neck and groaned. "God, that's ages ago! Will you ever forgive me for that? I don't have a problem with you touching me! As long as it's not, you know, between the legs..."

"Trust me, I have no desire to touch you between your legs." Kurt chuckled, but then added in a contemplating tone, "Although it might be necessary if you're trying on some pants..."

"I'm just looking for shirts!" Finn hurried to say.

"Whatever. I'm sorry I brought the past up again. I know you're not uncomfortable anymore in my presence... I mean, Gosh, you kissed me yesterday! I'm still trying to process how the hell that happened. I must've been a real picture of misery if you thought _that_ would cheer me up."

Kurt shook his head with a chuckle and got out of the car. Instantly he put up the collar of his coat against the cold wind and followed Finn towards the entrance.

"And Finn, one more thing," Kurt said in a dead serious tone. "No sweatshirts. If I see you as much as even look at those horrible things I'm out of here faster than you can say 'But I wasn't looking at any sweatshirts'!"

Finn stifled a laugh and nodded in defeat. "Got it."

The moment they entered the mall Kurt turned into a very intimidating fashion guru and Finn had difficulties to keep up with all his rules and explanations and sidenotes as they crossed from one store to the next. However one thing Finn had learned from being with Rachel was, that he didn't need to really listen to whatever someone was saying, as long as he rested his eyes on their lips, because that gave the speaker the impression that he was listening, even when truly he was not.

So Finn was standing in the narrow fitting room, holding still as Kurt was standing in front of him, up-buttoning a shirt and adjusting the collar and giving him plenty of background information about the designer when Finn was doing it again.

He was drowning out the words and just let himself be lulled by the soft voice whilst his eyes followed the movements of the speaking mouth, thinking how perfectly shaped those lips were and how on earth had he never noticed before and ... and suddenly it struck Finn that he was just fantasizing about kissing these lips.

Kurt's lips. Oh my God!

Finn stepped back in shock, bumping against the wall, taking a couple of deep breaths as suddenly his heart was racing.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked confused and looked up at him in concern. "Are you dizzy? It's the stuffy air in here. Don't faint on me, okay? How about you go and sit down on a bench outside? Oh, wait, wait, you need to get this off first!"

With skilled fingers Kurt unbuttoned the shirt again and brushed it over Finn's shoulders. In that moment as his hands moved over Finn's skin and Kurt unconsciously stepped closer to get the fabric off Finn, a shiver went through the length of Finn's body and he wished Kurt would stay this close and his hands would continue to touch his skin and... No!

"I need to get out!" Finn fled the booth with Kurt shouting after him.

"You need to put your sweater back on, Finn Hudson!"

Finn turned and caught his sweater that Kurt threw at him. Several customers – especially female ones – gawked at him standing in the middle of the shop half naked. He pulled over his sweater quickly.

"I'll put these away," Kurt said and pointed to the pile of clothes still in the booth, "and have a quick look around in the accessories section, and then I'll be right with you, okay?"

Finn nodded and stumbled out of the store. He looked around for the nearest seating and found a bench a couple of steps away. Once he slumped down on it, he hung his head in his hands and swallowed hard. Yeah, he was feeling kinda queasy, but he was sure the knot in his stomach wasn't from a fever or a sickness.

It was because he liked Kurt. He could admit that much. He really, really liked him. And he didn't regret kissing him yesterday. Kurt had been on the edge of a panic attack and the kiss had distracted him and helped him calm down. All he wanted was for his brother to be okay again, to see him smile and laugh again and forget about New Year's and about Blaine and about everything. He just wanted to be the one to make Kurt feel better.

"Hey dude, whatcha doing here?"

Finn looked up kind of drowsy and saw his best mate standing in front of him.

"Hey Puck, I'm shopping with Kurt," he answered slowly, still mesmerized with his lastest shocking train of thought. "He's helping me getting new clothes."

"Seriously? You're letting him gay up your wardrobe?"

"You're an idiot," Finn murmured and dragged one hand down his face.

"What's wrong with you?" Puckerman leaned down to search his friend's face for signs of sickness. "You look like shit."

"Well, yeah, I'm kinda feeling not well," Finn replied. "I just figured something out... Dude, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Puckerman shrugged, but kept his distance in case Finn had the flu or something.

"Have you ever had the urge to kiss someone," Finn asked awkwardly and made a face, "although you knew it's wrong?"

"You're asking me?" Puckerman's eyebrows moved up and he snorted. "Seriously? I'm the guy who kissed both your girlfriends and believe me, I was fully aware that it was wrong! What's going on? You're not thinking about cheating on Rachel, are you?"

"No, of course not," Finn said promptly, but just realized he hadn't thought about her at all. "It's just that I fantasize about kissing someone else..."

"Nothing wrong with that." Puck shrugged again. "Who is it?"

Finn hestiated and twisted his hands together.

"Come on! You can't tell me all this and then not tell me who it is!" Puckerman bumped his shoulder playfully. "Spit it out!"

"I kinda have funny feelings for Kurt," Finn admitted slowly.

Puckerman's eyes expanded and he gaped at Finn for what seemed a lifetime before he finally exploded. "I KNEW IT! All this time! You have the hots for him!"

Finn scrunched up his face. "No, it's not like that!"

Puck held his hand up and pursed his lips. "But you said you wanna kiss him!"

"To tell the truth I already have kissed him yesterday, kind of," Finn wetted his lips and shrugged helplessly. "It was not a romantic kiss, just for distraction, you know? Like if someone has a hiccup and you scare them. But now I sort of _want_ to kiss him again." He looked up at his friend and awaited his sentence. "What do you think of that?"

"Dude, if you're asking me," Puckerman grinned devilishly, "you've been in love with Kurt Hummel for years! Why would you date the only girl in high school that doesn't show you her bedroom? And after losing the big V to the sexiest girl around all I get to hear from you is complaining about how the feeling wasn't right! You've got a bad case of 'closeted gay'!"

"I'm not sure about it, man," Finn motioned for his friend to turn down the volume. "It's just that Kurt has bunked with me for the past few nights and I kinda like having him around and..."

"Jesus!" Puckerman shouted out. "You guys already sleep together?"

"Sharing a bed, dude!" Finn clarified. "But yeah, it's nice, I like it. Bunking with Kurt is quite different than bunking with _you_. For one he smells good, and when he gets all cuddly in the night, it's cute."

"Woah, okay, now this is the moment that I remind you that you used to be terrified of a gay dude anywhere near you, not to mention IN YOUR BED! Cuddling with you!"

"Kurt's not just some gay dude to me. I care about him." Finn sighed deeply and looked up at his friend once more. "So what should I do?"

Puck's face turned into a huge grin. "I say go get him!"

"What?" Finn was sure he hadn't heard right.

"Hell, yeah!" Puck opened his arms. "Hey, even I can see the appeal. With that girly face and long-limbed body of his… Shit, I'd go for him myself. I don't care if it's a girl or a boy who sucks my cock as long as they do a good job. You should totally go for it!"

"No!" Finn exclaimed. "Can't."

"Why not?"

"Because!" Finn held his hands up in a gesture saying, _Ain't it obvious?_ He rolled his eyes as Puckerman apparently didn't seem to get it.

"For one, he's my brother!

"Only step-brother," Puckerman pointed out. "I'd go for my step-sister if I had one and she was hot!"

"But well, he's a guy!"

Puckerman shrugged again. "I told you, doesn't matter with that face of his. Go and get him as long as his lover is out of town!"

"That's another thing. He has a boyfriend. And because of all the shit that's going on with Blaine, he's kinda vulnerable right now!"

"So what? Kurt used to have a massive crush on you, man! First love never fades away. If you give him your little finger, who knows, he might just throw himself at you."

"I don't know. Look, it's not like I want to, you know, have sex with him. I don't know what I want. Hell, I don't know what it is that I'm feeling!"

"Hey, everybody knows Rachel's not letting you have a bite of her cake. So it's totally understandable that you're looking around for some action elsewhere. Besides, desperate chicks are the most easy to get! You just can't miss a hit. Since Kurt's lonely I bet he would do anything for a bit of attention and comfort. You can take advantage of that."

"I'm not gonna take advantage of him! God, I told you it's not like that!"

"Yeah, I get it! It's the protective syndrome. He feels down and all you wanna do is make him feel better." Puck slapped Finn's chest. "Doesn't mean you're in love or anything."

"Right," Finn said, but not sounding reassured. "Of course I'm not in love with him. Hey, you won't tell anyone, right?"

"You know me," Puckerman raised one shoulder. Finn was about to say something else, but he was startled by a voice shouting out his name in sheer despair.

"FINN!"

Puckerman turned around and when his gaze fell on Kurt just one word escaped his mouth.

"Shit!"

For a second Finn was frozen on the bench when he saw Kurt down the passageway in front of the store he'd just left, struggling wildly against the strong grip of his opponent.

The next second Finn was on his feet, pushed forward by fury and worry.

"Hey! Let go of him, asshole!"

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><p><strong>Okay, this is longer than intended, so it will be continued in the next chapter! <strong>

**I've been named the Queen of Angst today. **I quite like that! ;) But I think I'll stick with **Queen of Cliffhanger!**

**Btw, you're allowed to shout and scream at me and rip out some hair (preferably your own)! But please no butt-kicking cos that's already reserved for someone. **

**Reviews make Finn run faster to save Kurt from whoever! **


	29. Refuse to be the victim

**Author's Note:**

**OMG OMG OMG! I've received such different responses for the last chapter! I'm overwhelmed by all of your reactions, positive and negative! **

**O ye, of little faith! **

**I promise you, I won't turn Finn gay! But his brotherly over-protectiveness will have him confused for a very short time! This is important for the plot, even though it may not look like it now. But you're allowed to hate me a little for this. I like things to be complicated. ;)**

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><p><strong>Refuse to be the victim<strong>

Kurt was looking through the racks, losing himself in the row of accessories, trying to find something Finn could wear, like a scarf or a leather cord necklace, something that was manly enough that Finn wouldn't freak out about it being an accessory.

He had fooled himself into believing going shopping with Finn would help him to forget about everything for a while, but there was always something reminding him of Blaine. Like the coffee shop where Blaine and he used to drop by during an intense shopping afternoon. Or the shirt that would just look amazing on his boyfriend.

Or someone walking by and looking just like Blaine, making Kurt's heart skip a beat and his feet step towards the doppelganger until he finally catches a proper glimpse at the person and realizes it wasn't Blaine. Actually there wasn't even any resemblance apart from dark curly hair, but Kurt's subconscious wished so hard for it to be Blaine, that his eyes were playing tricks on him.

And how could it be him? Blaine wasn't here.

And maybe he wouldn't be back for a long, long time.

Kurt closed his eyes and his hand tightened around a scarf he was holding until his knuckles turned white. He wished for nothing more than his phone to ring and Shane's voice telling him Blaine was out of the facility today and already on a plane back to Ohio.

He imagined getting in the car and driving all the way to the next airport, waiting for Blaine in the gangway and calling his name the second his boyfriend emerged admist the crowd of passengers and the beautiful moment when their eyes met Kurt would start running towards him...

"Alone?"

Kurt jumped at the sound of the deep husky voice close behind him and turned around. He was confronted with a letterman jacket and a black shirt with an ugly tribal print that was out of fashion for at least two years, but what could one expect from one David Karofsky?

Looking up Kurt met the intense gaze of his former tormentor.

It was the first time they were face to face since Kurt had left McKinley and Kurt hated how just the sheer presence of Karofsky caused his stupid heart to start panicking in his chest. Kurt stepped back, putting distance between them, because he couldn't handle being this close to him.

"Hi Kurt," Karofsky said, his voice level and his face expressionless but his eyes were piercing right into Kurt's. "How's it going?" Casually the jock dug one hand in his pocket, the other one resting on a rack.

It seemed like ages since Kurt had last heard this detested voice and an avalanche of memories crashed down on him.

_What's up, homo?_

_You dress all freaky and then you rub it in everybody's faces!_

_Girl's locker room is next door!_

_You want a piece of The Fury?_

_If you tell anybody, I'll kill you!_

Kurt took another step backwards, away and out of reach.

"Why didn't you call me? I know you got my note," Karofsky talked on, "because I saw you, you know? I parked a little down the street and went back on foot to see if you'd come out to pick up my note, so I know you did."

"Are you stalking me now?" Kurt asked, his voice an embarrassing squeak. He cleared his throat.

"No," Karofsky replied, but shifted from one foot to the other uncomfortably. "But I heard someone else does. Abusive texts and stuff? You alright?"

Kurt shook his head, but more in disbelief of Karofsky's concern than in answer to his question.

"I haven't told anyone about your _secret_, so just leave me alone, okay?" Kurt stepped further away, not truly thinking that Karofsky would attack him in the middle of a shop surrounded by people, but then again he used to shove him into lockers in crowded hallways and no one even cared. His eyes darted out of the shop windows, looking for Finn, but his brother was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, don't walk away from me," Karofsky said with a growl. "I just wanna talk to you."

"But I don't want to talk to you!" Kurt retorted and left the shop in a hurry.

Karofsky followed him, grabbed his arm and yanked him around. "Geez, I said don't run," he hissed through clenched teeth. "There's no need for you to run."

Kurt froze at the unexpected touch. He wanted to struggle free, but he didn't dare to. With just one knock of Karofsky's fists he could be send to hospital again.

All he wanted to do was escape. He didn't want to speak with Karofsky and face all his fears. He wanted to shout for help, but then suddenly he heard Blaine's voice inside his head.

_You can refuse to be the victim. _

He had tried this once before and it had kind of backfired. He had called Karofsky out, confronted him, but it didn't work out the way he'd planned. Karofsky had not been impressed by his little act of braveness. Instead he'd threatened to kill him.

And then he realized he'd done it all wrong. He was still acting like a victim. "Courage," Kurt told himself under his breath and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Let go of me!" There was a slight tremble in his voice that betrayed his bravery, and yes, he was still scared of Karofsky after all, the guy had nothing better to do than stalk him. But they were in the mall, surrounded by people, he couldn't hurt him here. They weren't in the hallways of McKinley, this wasn't his terrain.

He took a deep breath, looked up at Karofsky with a stern gaze and repeated his words loudly and with a fierceness that surprised himself.

"I said let go of me!"

Karofsky blinked and then released Kurt's arm, looking at it with surprise like he hadn't been aware he'd been clutching at it all the time.

"I just wanna talk to you," Karofsky repeated, sounding annoyed.

"But I don't want to hear what you have to say and I have nothing to say to you," Kurt replied, putting up his best bitch manner. "No, actually I've got a lot to say to you, but you're not worth my breath and you wouldn't understand anyway."

"Don't be such a prick!" Karofsky scowled at him.

Kurt raised his eyebrows. "Insults don't get you anywhere!"

He could see Karofsky getting exasperated and he knew he shouldn't be pushing him. He looked around and saw Finn across the passageway, sitting on a bench, talking to Puckerman.

"I really have to go..." Kurt turned away.

"Geez, stay for a second, will ya?" Karofsky hissed angrily and gripped Kurt's arm again, this time harder, and at the sudden pain and fear searing through his body Kurt called out, "FINN!"

Karofsky followed his gaze and saw his fellow footballer darting over, closely followed by Puckerman. Both boys had a fierce look on their faces.

"Hey! Let go of him, asshole!"

Karofsky dropped his hand, quickly. Then he leaned forward and spoke fast, "Kurt, about what happened to you on New Year's... do you know anything about it? About who attacked you, I mean."

"Why?" Kurt's eyes widened, but his voice was no more than a whisper. "Do you?"

"I don't know," Karofsky shrugged and somehow he looked lost. "Maybe."

And then Finn was all over him, shoving him hard. "Stay away from Kurt, Karofsky!"

Karofsky held up his hands in defeat. "We were just talking."

"What are you doing, stalking him, huh?" Finn demanded to know. "Parking in front of our house and stuff?"

"Calm down," Karofsky told Finn. "Nothing happened."

"Are you alright?" Finn asked Kurt over his shoulder.

"I'm okay," Kurt confirmed and stroked one hand over his bangs in his usual habit. His arm was throbbing where Karofsky had grabbed him and his heart was still racing, but more irritating was the fact that Karofsky talked about knowing something about New Year's.

Puckerman casually draped his arm over Kurt's shoulders and drew him to his side. Kurt was irritated by this sudden protective gesture but let Puckerman be.

"Get lost, Karofsky!" Finn spoke in such an angry voice Kurt had never heard before. "If I ever see you bother Kurt again..."

"I get it," Karofsky said and with one last glance at Kurt he turned and strolled away.

Kurt fought down the sudden urge to call him back and ask him about what he knew. Somehow Karofsky had sounded genuinely concerned...

"Get off of him!" Finn barked at Puckerman and made both of them flinch.

"Come on, Kurt, we're driving home."

* * *

><p>On their way home Kurt was pondering about how easily he let himself get into the role of the victim and how weak and pathetic he was acting ever since Blaine had disappeared.<p>

And he didn't want Blaine to see him like that, thus he had to delete the Total Eclipse video off Rachel's youtube account. If Blaine was ever to see the videos, he shouldn't think Kurt was drowning in misery. Although to his own shame he was.

From now on the pity party was over.

Kurt got his phone out, but the number he wanted to dial wasn't saved in the list. "Shit!"

"What?" Finn looked over at him.

"I forgot to swap phones with Dad," Kurt sighed. "He's still got mine. Do you have Rachel's number for me?"

"Take my phone," Finn handed it over. "What do you wanna talk about with her? You don't want to excuse yourself from the party, do you?"

"No, I just need to ask her a favor." He dialed and waited for Rachel to answer.

"Hi Finnbear!" Rachel's cheerful loud voice penetrated his ear a second later. "I'm glad you're calling! Can you run some errands for me for the party? Do you have something to write with? I need three boxes of..."

"Hey Rach, it's Kurt," Kurt interrupetd her. "I'm using Finn's phone. Listen, I need you to delete one of my videos off your account!"

"Oh, sure, but it'll have to wait til tomorrow," Rachel replied. "My PC is dead since Wednesday and my dads didn't have time to check it before they left for San Fran. But they promised to fix it when they come back tomorrow. But, hey, you have my password, so why don't you log in and delete the video yourself?"

"Oh, okay, right, I can do that. Thanks, Rach."

"You're coming to my party tonight, don't you?"

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"And Kurt..." Rachel hesitated and Kurt closed his eyes. Now she would ask him about Blaine and tore at his already bleeding heart... "Can't wait to see you. We'll have a laugh!"

"Yeah, we will." Kurt exhaled the breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding.

When he logged into Rachel's account half an hour later, he instantly erased his 'Total eclipse' video. He should do a new one, something less pathetic and more up-lifting, something to tell Blaine he was still hanging on and hopeful...

He was about to log out again, when he noticed a message in Rachel's in-box. There was a video clip attached to the message. Kurt debated with himself whether or not he should take a peak at it. Who knew what kind of videos Rachel's friends sent her? But then again, no, he wouldn't invade her privacy. He contemplated about calling her and telling her about the message, she might tell him to open it and tell her what it was. But then he would have to deal with an excited or upset Rachel and he really wasn't in the mood right now. So he left the message untouched and logged out.

Poor girl hasn't uploaded new videos for over a week. He told himself not to forget to give her the camera back. But he would have to delete his stupid 'No air' performance first. It would be too embarrassing for anyone to see that.

* * *

><p>Blaine was pacing his room restlessly, willing his headache to fade away. Gabriel hasn't shown up again today. The same guy from yesterday had brought his breakfast and another one of those dreaded pills which had caused him to lie in bed dead to the world for the past hours.<p>

As long as Gabriel had been around Blaine had somehow felt safe in a strange way. But now he didn't know what was coming at him and he dreaded another picture show or anything of those horrible things that Gabriel had hinted was going on in this facility that Blaine, so far, had been lucky enough to be spared from.

So Blaine's heart sank even deeper when the door opened around lunch time and yet again it wasn't Gabriel coming in. The new orderly stayed in the threashold and held the door open for him.

"Come with me," he instructed, but Blaine stubbornly crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Where do want to you take me?"

The guy looked him up and down as if sizing him up before he replied, "Visiting lounge."

Blaine's heart sped up. "Why?"

"Because you got a visitor! Duh!"

Blaine was out of his room faster than the Speed of Night. He wanted to talk to his dad or his mom or whoever it was that came see him. Whoever it was, this person had to get him out of here. He'd do anything!

"This way, Speedy Gonzales," the guy called after him as he was heading in the wrong direction. Instantly Blaine turned around and followed the guy who was walking agonizingly slow. As soon as Blaine recognized the corridor at the end of which the visitor's lounge was, he quickened his pace until he reached the glass door.

Glancing inside, he saw the blonde curly head of Valerie. She was sitting on one of the white leather couches, flicking through a magazine just like the last time she'd come to see him.

But she wasn't alone.

Another person was there, pacing up and down the room, twisting his fingers nervously.

Blaine's eyes teared up and he yanked the door open.

"Shane!"

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: <strong>

**Shane! And Valerie... **

**.**

**Give me some love?**


	30. Keep On Loving Anyway

**Keep On Loving Anyway**

"Shane!"

With watery eyes Blaine crossed the room towards his brother and the next moment he was crushed in a bone breaking embrace.

"Blaine! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry about everything!"

His younger but taller brother sobbed into his shoulder and murmured a lot of incomprehensible stuff while Blaine patted his back and tried to soothe him, although he was hardly holding back his own tears.

"It's okay, Shane, there's nothing you gotta be sorry for," Blaine said with a hoarse voice, "stop crying please, you don't want to spend the time we have crying, do you?"

"I miss you," Shane sobbed into his shoulder and this was when Blaine lost it himself.

"I miss you, too!" He hugged his brother tighter and let the tears fall down his face.

"Dad didn't let me come see you," Shane explained, his voice muffled from Blaine's shirt, "and at first I was glad 'cause I was scared to see you! I'm so sorry! I shoulda come sooner! I didn't mean to make you feel like I don't care..."

"Will you please stop apologizing, Shane," Blaine shook him gently. "I told you there's nothing you have to be sorry for."

After a long moment of hugging and crying they eventually parted, wiped their eyes and grinned at each other sheepishly like only brothers could.

"Oh, my God, Blaine, what's with your hair?" Shane suddenly cried out.

Blaine lifted one hand to brush over his untamed curly head. "Why?"

"I haven't seen you without that awful gel in years!" Shane exclaimed, laughing and hiccupping at once. He ruffled a hand through Blaine's already messy hairdo. "I'm not complaining, bro, you look wild! Now we can finally go as twins!"

"When I get out of here first thing I do is cut my hair and get me some gel!" Blaine predicted.

"You'd better do that or else none of your friends will recognize you," Shane grinned, but in a painful way.

"What about yourself?" Blaine stepped out of his brother's reach to check him out properly. It troubled Blaine to see how bad Shane looked. He had always been a tall lean guy, but he had gotten thinner since the last time he'd seen him and his face was lined with grief and sorrow. He was twisting his hands nervously and there was no sign of the ever present smirk on his lips.

"You look kinda... colorless."

Shane usually was what Blaine loved to call a rainbow person, dressed in at least three different, and to Kurt's horror, not always matching colors. But today Shane was wearing dark clothes as if he was mourning. The only color on him now was the yellow visitor button that was pinned on his shirt.

Shane just shrugged about his unusual clothes.

"If you've come here to depress me it's working," Blaine said jokingly but regretted his words when he saw the way Shane's face fell.

"I didn't mean to depress you," Shane said apologizingly. "I just don't feel like wearing anything colorful lately."

"I was just joking," Blaine assured him. "You know, Kurt would totally approve of your new toned down style. He always despised the way you mix colors."

This comment was meant to brighten up the mood. Instead Blaine felt the sudden weight of mentioning his boyfriend. While talking about Kurt used to make him happy, now he had to regret speaking out the beloved name, thinking that perhaps he had said too much in front of the wrong ears. After all the visitor's room could be wired.

However, at the mention of Kurt's name there was a flicker in Shane's eyes and Blaine understood immediately that there was something Shane needed to tell him. There was a sudden sadness spreading out of him that was almost palpable and it made Blaine's stomach churn. He opened his mouth to ask Shane what was going on and…

"Blainey!"

Blaine flinched at the sound of the high girly voice. Upon seeing his brother he had totally forgotten that there was another visitor for him.

He turned around to face Valerie. She was slightly pissed that her presence had been overlooked and she approached Blaine with open arms in a demanding manner. Blaine embraced her and stifled a cough as he inhaled her sweet perfume.

"Val! Any news? Have you talked to dad? When will I get out of here?"

"I'm working on it," Valerie promised and hugged him tight before releasing him. "I have talked to Richard and I have arranged a deal for you. But I can't tell you what it is yet."

Blaine frowned skeptically despite her obvious enthusiasm. "A deal? What kind of deal?"

"Let's say it's more like a compromise. Your father wants to lend you a hand in a way both of you can keep your faces." She smiled at him encouragingly and patted his arm. "I told you that I'll get you out of here soon, Blainey."

"Thank you, Valerie, I really appreciate everything you're doing for me," Blaine said because he knew she was the kind of person who loved to hear these kind of words.

"Oh, sweetheart, anything for you!" Valerie took his hand and led him to the couches. "Come, let's sit down and talk."

Blaine sat down on the white leather couch next to her while Shane settled in the armchair to Blaine's left. They had the visitor's lounge to themselves and several big green plants blocked the view out of the glass walls to the corridor where his new yet nameless orderly was waiting just in front of the door.

Once Blaine had taken a deep breath to clear his head, he sensed that something was wrong.

His brother was acting different than usually. It wasn't just the uncharacteristic clothes or the fact that they were meeting in the visitor room of a mental facility. All of a sudden Blaine was sure that Shane acted differently because Valerie was around.

When Blaine met his brother's eyes again, Shane shifted his shoulder blades uncomfortably and looked at his brother, saying with his eyes, _I gotta tell you something._

Blaine turned to the blonde woman to his right. "Val, can I please talk alone with Shane for a moment?"

"No, I'm sorry. Your father gave me strict instructions," Valerie made an apologetic face. "You should be glad that I was able to talk him into letting Shane come with me today at all."

Valerie reached out with the clutched magazine in her hand and gave Shane a playful smack on his knee."Can you believe this little dummy wanted to tell your father that he was gay, too, just to get some attention? Lucky thing I could stop him before any damage was done. As if we hadn't enough trouble already!"

"I really wanted to talk to Dad," Shane turned to Blaine with a guilty face. "You know, to get some pressure off your back. He can't put both of us in here. People would start asking questions and how should he explain to everyone why both of his sons were locked away?"

"Don't, Shane." Blaine shook his head and grabbed his brother's hand for emphasis. "Don't tell him."

"What? You mean it's true?" Valerie asked, looking from one another, aghast.

"Course not," Blaine said with a shake of his head, his eyes still locked with his brothers. "Shane's just being dramatic. But there's no need to jump off the same cliff, right?"

"I didn't mean to cause any more trouble," Shane tried to explain and squeezed Blaine's hand. "I thought it would help you if I told, but Dad's just like Doctor Claw, you know, the leader of the evil M.A.D. organization? Controlling his schemes from behind a desk and never showing up himself, just sending his agents out to do the dirty work for him."

"I see, we've watched way too many cartoons when we were kids," Blaine grinned in a sad way, but he didn't quite get his brother's drift into the comic world.

"And he's always watching your every move," Shane went on dramatically, "but you never know where he is or how to contact him. If he doesn't want you to talk to him, you just can't. And right now Valerie's his only voice. She's the one in charge." Shane widened his eyes at Blaine.

"Right, and you should be glad about it, because if you didn't have me both your lives would be so much worse right now." Valerie cut in and lifted a brow in clear disliking. "I'm doing everything I can to keep Richard off your backs. It's your luck that Devon reports to me, so I can filter what I tell your father and what not. Do you boys have any idea how hard it is for me to keep stuff from your father? I'm trying to protect you, but you're not really helping me."

Blaine narrowed his eyes at her. "So, basically Dad gave you all control?"

"He's a busy man." Valerie shrugged with a spark in her eyes. "He's glad he doesn't have to deal with this stuff."

_This stuff being his sons,_ Blaine thought bitterly.

"So, how are you holding up?" Shane asked carefully and added with a little smile, "You're looking better than I expected."

"I'm doing okay," Blaine admitted with a shrug, pushing the thoughts of his latest dubious treatment far away in his head. If only Gabriel would come back soon... after all it was true that he'd gotten stronger under Gabriel's care.

"I just wish I had my full memory back. I can't remember anything of what happened around Christmas time," Blaine told his brother. "Especially of what happened that night... the night I took the pills..." Blaine knew he had hit a sore spot when he saw his brother's face scrunch up in horror and guilt.

"I'm so sorry," Shane said hoarsely and wiped his sleeve over his eyes again. "I should've insisted on coming to see you sooner. I was so scared... to talk to you... about what happened... but I want you to know that you can count on me. Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it." Shane looked up with watery eyes and his voice was thick with tears. "Just please, don't leave me, bro. Don't leave me alone. I need you."

And suddenly Blaine realized that Shane, too, thought he was suicidal.

"Shane, listen! I promise you I won't try to kill myself," Blaine assured him. "I don't want to die." And he knew it was true. He didn't know why the hell he took those pills, but he was sure he didn't mean to die.

"I won't leave you, Shane. Whatever made me take those damned pills that night, it will never happen again, I swear!"

Without another word Shane leaned forward and hugged him again.

"Let's not talk about that dreadful night," Valerie stroked sympathically over Blaine's arm. "Blaine shouldn't be bothered with unhappy memories right now."

"Any kind of memory would be helpful," Blaine countered with a bitter edge to his voice. "I mean I do remember taking those pills... it just doesn't make any sense to me."

"I found you... in your bathroom..." Shane told him, close to tears again. "If only I'd looked for you sooner..."

"I said we're not going to talk about that night!" Valerie scolded the youngest Anderson boy and Shane actually flinched.

Blaine bit his lips. He wanted to tell Valerie to stop being a deadhearted bitch, but right now he needed her to be on his side. He couldn't afford to spoil his chances with her as long as apparently she was the one in charge. So he rather concentrated on comforting his brother, tell him to be brave, not to worry too much and to have courage...

_It's not how many times you've been knocked down  
>It's how many times you get back up<em>

Blaine was struck by an idea. "Do you have pen and paper for me, Val?"

Valerie got a small notebook out of her purse and gave it to him along with a pen.

"Whatever you write, I'll have to check it," she said with an apologetic shrug. "Your father won't allow you to sneak out letters to someone."

Well, yeah, Blaine had assumed that he couldn't smuggle a letter beginning with the words "Dear Kurt" out of this facility.

With a trembling hand he scribbled down the lyrics of his own song that he had been working on the past few days, but only the lines that were meant for Shane and Kurt.

"Can I see it?" Valerie held her hand out in a way that made it clear that no was no option. She scanned her eyes over the paper, checking it for a hidden message, but found nothing. She looked kind of disappointed and irritated by the lyrics. "What is this?"

Blaine shrugged nonchalantly. "Just the lyrics of a song that I can't get out of my head."

"_Courage Is_ by B. W.," Valerie read aloud, frowning. "Who's that? And please tell me it's not Barry White. God, your music taste is really strange sometimes."

Blaine gently tugged the notebook out of her grasp again and tore the paper from it. "This is for you," Blaine handed it to Shane and caught his brother's eye, "and for anyone you think might like it."

_Courage is when you're afraid  
>But you keep on moving anyway<em>

Shane looked down at it and a smile curled up his lips when he saw the initials. Of course he knew who B. W. was. After all he had been _Blaine Warbler's_ biggest fan for all his life.

"Thanks, bro." Shane folded the paper carefully and put it in the pocket of his shirt.

_Courage is when you're in pain  
>But you keep on living anyway<em>

Shane chewed his lips as if considering his next words carefully. "Okay, let's talk about stuff you've missed while you've been enjoying your stay in here..."

Blaine's eyes got big. He hadn't dared asking, but hoped that Shane was gonna tell him news about Kurt. He hated to think this way, but was it safe to talk about Kurt in front of Valerie? She was working for their father after all...

"There's a new X-Men out," Shane said in all earnesty. "Do you remember the storyline about Beast and Storm?"

Blaine looked at his brother as if he had gone insane. Shane couldn't really expect him to care about the release of a new comic book of a series he used to read when he was a kid.

"Shane, I'm sorry, but..."

"Come on, don't tell me you don't remember how Storm and Beast used to be our favorites?" Shane winked at him and looked as excited as a six-year-old who loved nothing more than talking about his favorite comic book.

Blaine shook his head slowly. Had Shane come all the way from Colorado just to wake childhood memories and talk about fictional comic characters?

"Shane..."

"…and how we used to crack up when Storm came in with Beast on her heels looking like a lost puppy and everybody would look at the two of us as if we'd gone crazy and ask us, _What's so funny?_ And then we'd just grin at each other because no one else was in on the joke, it was just the two of us!"

Shane looked at him with pleading eyes, willing him to get what he was trying to say.

And finally Blaine understood.

Of course.

A few years ago right after the McVaughns had become best friends with the Andersons and the two families had started spending a lot of free time together, Blaine and Shane had secretly nicknamed Valerie and Devon after Storm and Beast, the highly attractive girl with a dangerous temper and the big superstrong guy with his appalling looks. Whenever they'd gossiped about the two siblings, they'd referred to them as _Storm_ and _Beast_ so their parents or even the McVaughn siblings themselves wouldn't know they were talking about them.

"Oh yeah, I remember," Blaine answered slowly. "We used to talk about Storm and Beast a lot."

"Right!" Shane's smile widened at the realization that his brother finally got it. "So I thought it might interest you that there's a new comic that came out right on the first of January. It's about this one time Beast was sent out by Professor X to go and teach the new kid a lesson, but the authorities couldn't know about it and when the new kid ended up in hospital of course Storm stood up for Beast and..."

"Wait... what?" Blaine stared at his brother wide-eyed, not sure he could follow. Their roleplays had never involved a kid being beaten up by Beast or with Storm approving of a bashing.

He swallowed, hard, before asking, "Who was the new kid again?"

"Come on, you know him," Shane nudged him playfully. "It's the one Angel fell in love with."

Blaine's mouth was dry all of a sudden.

Angel. The mutant with the large feathered wings who could fly and had an eagle-like vision. When they'd been kids, Shane had given Blaine the nickname of Angel.

So if Angel had fallen in love with the new kid then the new kid must be... Kurt.

Finally he got his brother's hinting. And wished he hadn't.

"I can't really remember the part with the new kid in hospital," he said with a hoarse voice.

"Well, it was pretty bad," Shane continued his story, "but the new kid's strong and as soon as he was on his feet again he went to meet Angel's brother and..."

"Shane, you really shouldn't confuse Blaine with comic book stories right now," Valerie interrupted him with a disapproving frown. "Are you two just going to talk about this nonsense?"

"I'm just testing his memory," Shane defended himself. "He says he can't remember stuff, so I'm just checking."

While Valerie and Shane argued, Blaine's mind was trying to put the pieces of Shane's hints together.

The new kid went to meet Angel's brother?

Where would they have met? Kurt wouldn't have gone all the way to Colorado just to talk to Shane, would he? But then Blaine remembered Kurt's song message, the video that looked like he'd recorded in some kind of motel, maybe he'd been on his way to Shane – or perhaps on his way back? And what happened to Kurt after that?

If Kurt had been to hospital, Valerie would have found out about it and she would have told him when he'd asked her about Kurt on her first visit, wouldn't she?

Blaine turned to Valerie again and asked innocently, "By the way, have you checked on my Dalton friends like I asked you to?"

"Oh, sure, I have and they're all fine," Valerie answered with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Don't worry about them."

"All of them are fine?" He dug deeper without daring to mention Kurt's name again.

"Of course. Why wouldn't they be?" Valerie smiled at him reassuringly. "They miss you, sure, but life goes on. Once you start living in Venice Beach, you won't be thinking about them anymore."

"Thank you, Val," Blaine said with a flat voice. Why was Valerie lying to him?

"It's time to go, junior. Say your goodbyes for now." Valerie got up and motioned for Shane to follow her lead.

"Prepare to talk to your father soon, Blaine. He'll come to talk to you about the deal next week and all you have to do is say yes and you're out of here." She cheered a little and grinned at him stupidly.

"Can't you tell me anything about the deal, please?" Blaine begged. "Give me a hint!"

Valerie put a finger on her chin, as if needing to consider this, but then she winked at him, "Okay, just this much: it involves a ring."

A what? A ring? What the hell did this mean?

"Keep your head up, Blainey, it'll all turn out fine." Valerie promised with a reassuring smile and turned to the door.

Seeing the orderly standing outside the glass door, Blaine was reminded of someone else and he caught Valerie's sleeve. "Wait, one more thing! Do you know anything about Gabriel?"

Valerie blinked in irritation. "Who?"

"The orderly who took care of me until now," Blaine explained. "I haven't seen him for two days and I'm worried about him."

"Oh, Blainey, if I were you I wouldn't worry about the staff in this place." She looked at him as if now he truly had gone insane and should probably stay longer.

"But you know him, don't you? You talked to him the last time and you gave him money…"

"Money? I didn't give anyone money. What for? Your father pays the bills."

Blaine opened his mouth but hesitated. Gabriel had said he was getting paid for giving him placebos, right? He didn't say that Valerie was the one who paid him, though. Blaine had just assumed it had been her.

"Never mind." Blaine shook his head and dragged one hand through his hair. "But do you know if Dad calls this place regularly?"

Valerie arched her eyebrows. "Whom should he be talking to?"

"I don't know. Perhaps this Dr. Nolan or someone from the staff?"

"Don't worry your pretty head about things like that, Blainey." Valerie pursed her lips and patted his shoulder. "Just leave it all to me and you'll be out of here soon!"

* * *

><p>"If we're not out of here soon, Rachel'll be so pissed at me! Hurry up, dude!"<p>

Kurt turned away from the fullbody mirror in his room with a sigh. He had just wanted to quickly check his outfit, but had ended up staring holes into himself without really seeing something.

"If you call me _dude_ one more time, Finn, I'll stay home."

"No, you can't do that, du.. Kurt! Rachel's really looking forward to see you. And so are Mercedes and the guys."

Kurt bit down on his lips. The last Rachel Berry House Party had been an unpleasant memory, at least for him. New Year's Eve, all he'd wanted to do was to kiss his boyfriend at midnight. Instead he'd been miserable all night long, worried sick about Blaine, jealous of all the lovey-dovey couples around him and the cherry on top had been getting beaten up by a stranger on his very own doorstep.

He wasn't looking forward for a repeat of any of this, but Finn was right. If he wanted to keep his friends he had to at least show up.

And whatever happened, tonight he'd be leaving the party together with Finn.

"I'm ready to go," he announced and stepped out of his bedroom, closing the door.

"Really?" Finn sounded hopeful yet skeptical. They tried to get going for almost one and a half hours now and Kurt always needed to go back for something.

To tell the truth, Finn was glad to see that Kurt actually spend time on his outfit – the last few days he'd let himself go, not caring about his looks at all. However, when Kurt had returned to his room for the fifth time this evening Finn had begun to wonder if Kurt was just stalling and perhaps was afraid of meeting his friends again.

"We can go back home whenever you want to," he had promised Kurt. "Just say one word and I'll take you home, alright?"

Downstairs they said goodnight to their parents one more time – Finn had stopped counting their goodbyes by now and Carole and Burt hardly looked up anymore.

"Have fun!" Burt shouted over from his seat on the couch, clearly in an attempt to sound cheerful and not too worried.

Finn helped Kurt into his coat in an attempt to get him going faster and then grabbed his car keys eagerly.

"Curfew's at midnight!" Burt reminded them, holding the remote up in a little goodbye gesture. "Be on time!"

Finn held the door open and send a little prayer to Grilled Cheezus when Kurt finally walked over the doorstep and down the path. Hallelujah!

In the middle of the path Kurt slowed his steps. "I have the feeling I forgot something..."

"You got everything you need and you look great!" Finn put his arm around Kurt's back to push him towards the car and keep him from turning back. "Just keep on moving, Kurt, one step at a time, very good."

Kurt rolled his eyes and with another sigh he got into Finn's car.

But he looked back to the house with a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. There was something he had forgotten, he just knew it. But just like it always was with things you forgot, you couldn't remember what it was until it was too late.

* * *

><p>When they said their goodbyes, Blaine was swept up in after another neverending hug from his brother. Neither of them was able to let go, but eventually the moment came when Blaine had to watch Shane and Valerie walk away and in this moment he was sure that he had never experienced something that was as hard as watching Shane leave.<p>

It was pure torture, as if someone was amputating one of his arms or legs without anesthetization while he had to stand in the middle of the corridor and bite his lips trying not to cry out in pain.

The two of them could leave this building and he had to stay.

It took all his self-control not to shout after them, pleading, "Take me with you!"

Instead he silently followed the nameless orderly guy who guided him back to his room.

Blaine kept his eyes downcast and hardly noticed where he was going. His mind was now racing about all the things Shane had said but mostly about the things his brother had only been indicating.

He couldn't believe that Kurt had been attacked and ended up in hospital! It would explain the poor shape Kurt had been in on the video clips. He clenched his fists in an attempt to control the anger rising inside of him at the sheer thought of his boyfriend being hurt. If this was true... if his father had gone after Kurt...

And if Devon and Valerie both had been involved, acting on order of his father, not caring about who got hurt...

Blaine could picture Devon going and punching some kid at his father's order. But Valerie? It hurt to believe that she somehow was involved in this. Did she lie to him on his father's order or maybe even for her own purposes? He used to think that she was his friend and that she was truly trying to protect him from his father's schemes. Now he couldn't be sure.

He trusted his brother's judgement and it had been clear that Shane didn't trust her anymore.

_Courage is when you're afraid_

Now all Blaine could do was wait and see what his father was going to talk to him about. What kind of _deal_ he had to offer...

He was slowly walking down the hallway, his heart aching for a chance to speak to Kurt, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands to stop himself from crying out loud...

It was a swift movement that caught Blaine's eye.

_Courage is when it all seems grey_

Jason, the orderly who had made fun of Gabriel the other day, was just walking past him and in passing Jason got his cell phone out of his pocket and looked down at the display.

And Blaine snapped.

He stopped dead in his track and his nameless guard ran into him. Without wasting time to think, Blaine rammed his elbow into the man's stomach who doubled over as all the breath went out of his body, not even able to let out a cry of pain.

Blaine turned, lunched forward and snatched the phone out of Jason's hand who was too stunned to even realize what was happening. "What…?"

And Blaine ran.

_Courage is when you make a change_

He didn't know where he should run to, but he needed time – time to make a call!

While he ran down the hallway he pushed Kurt's number into the phone and held it to his ear, praying for Kurt to answer his phone.

Down the corridor his way was blocked by two orderlies who were unaware of the situation but looked up in alert when they saw him running. A running patient was always trouble.

And now he heard Jason and the other guy shouting and coming after him.

Blaine stopped, not knowing where to turn to.

As if on cue the door of the elevator to his left opened.

_And you keep on living anyway_

Quickly Blaine got in, shoved the woman wearing a yellow visitor badge out and pushed the button, any button, and willed the door to close.

"Hey! Stop that elevator! Stop it!" Jason's voice was the last thing Blaine heard before the door closed.

Out of breath and with his heart beating out of his chest he leaned against the mirrorwall.

He had made it, but how long would it take them to get him?

Blaine watched the lights on the numbers change, showing him that the elevator moved upstairs. Maybe he could get out on the roof terrace and block the door?

_You keep on moving anyway_

He closed his eyes and listened impatiently to the dialing tone that rang loud in his ear, whispering over and over again, "Please answer your phone, baby, please answer your phone, please..."

Any second now he would hear Kurt's voice, talk to him and tell him how much he loved and missed him and...

"Hello?"

Blaine startled at the sudden sound of a voice at the end of the line and he stared wide-eyed at his own reflection. "Kurt? Kurt, it's me!"

"Oh, my God, Blaine, is that you?"

_You keep on loving anyway__..._

* * *

><p>SORRY everyone for this late update. My RL is upside down at the moment and I'm struggling to hang on. I hope I'll do better soon and be able to write again as much as I'd love to. It might take me a while to update but I will NEVER abandon this story or any of my other stories, because writing makes me happy. Even more so when I receive such great feedback as I get from you guys! :D<p>

Thank you so much for staying with me and I hope you like this little chappie! I can't believe this is chapter 30 already! And sorry for another cliffhanger... XD

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

Courage is – The Strange Familiar (again, I know, but it just fits so well, and in this story it's Blaine's own song)

**Next chapter: **

Kurt is enjoying himself at Rachel's party – more or less. ;)


	31. Need You Now

**Need You Now**

Kurt didn't know why exactly he was so nervous to meet his friends.

He felt like everything had changed within the past few weeks.

His life, his point of view, his outside as much as his inside. And everyone would see, he could pretend as much as he wanted, but they knew. Still, there was nothing anyone could do to help him as much as there was nothing he could do to help Blaine. Everything was so hopeless.

Still, he didn't want for everyone to tiptoe around him, he didn't want to meet their sympathetic glances, he didn't need soft words of comfort, or his all time favorite question, "How are you?"

What used to be important to him wasn't worth a single thought anymore. Fashion, music, gossip, the future. How could he talk about these things when he knew it was all meaningless?

Distraction. That was the only thing he hoped to find tonight. The only reason he was going to another Rachel Berry House Party when he actually felt like crawling into a hole and dying.

_Whatever happens tonight, please make me feel better for a change, just for one night. _

Was that too much to ask for? It wasn't that he wanted to forget about Blaine. He just didn't want to think about what happened for just one night.

"Kurt! I'm so glad to see you!" When Rachel opened the door with her show-smile flashing at him, he put on a fake smile of his own and let her hug him.

"Rachel, thanks for the invitation. I brought your camera. I'm sure you missed it." Kurt handed the camera back to her. "Thank you for giving it to me."

"Don't mention it," Rachel said in a hushed voice and eyed him up with pity and concern covered by her beaming smile. "You're welcome, Kurt. And like I said, my laptop has been broken since Thursday and my dads didn't have time to fix it before they left for their anniversary trip, so I couldn't have put up my own recordings anyway. Fingers crossed they'll look at it tomorrow as soon as they'll be back. It feels strange not being able to check my emails. It makes me feel like I'm missing out on something important, you know? Have you deleted your Total Eclipse video by the way?"

"Yes, I have. And I think I want to make a new song, something more hopeful. I don't want Blaine to see me like that, you know, if he ever gets to see those clips."

"Oh I'd be happy to help you with it," Rachel clapped her hands excitedly. "Why don't you come over tomorrow night and we will work on it?"

Kurt smiled at her gratefully. When it came to singing, she was a friend you could count on.

"Please, let's get out of the doorway. Come inside. You know the way to the Oscar room."

Finn went first and Kurt followed him downstairs towards the source of music and cheerful chattering. It seemed everyone was already there. One second later Kurt was surrounded by their friends. Everyone was talking to him and hugging him carefully, being mindful of his injuries.

Kurt's face lit up when his best friend Mercedes came to him and gave him a loving squeeze.

"Kurt, my bestest of all friends!"

His smile wavered. Usually, she would always refer to him as her man, but apparently Kurt wasn't Mercedes' _man_ anymore if the way she and Sam sneaked loving glances at each other was any indication.

"So, what have you found out about Blaine?" Mercedes asked with a curious look on her face.

Kurt chose to overhear the question and instead nudged her arm playfully. "You need to tell me _everything_ about you and Sam, 'Cedes. I'm _dying_ to hear how the two of you got together. I'm so happy for you!"

"Yeah, we totally need to talk!" Mercedes agreed. "Let's meet soon and talk without so many prying ears around. You know, these Rachel Berry House Parties really grow on me."

"They sure are fun," Kurt stated with a shrug, not knowing what else to say since he assumed that his best friend's happiness was rather due to the blonde tall boy linked to her right hand than the fact that Rachel's party rocked.

And as much as he longed to talk to her, he realized that he couldn't drop all his shit on her when she finally was happy. He shouldn't make her deal with his emotional load and drag her down with him. So he plastered a brave smile on his face and assured her that he was alright.

Puck appeared at Finn's side and cocked his head towards Kurt. "You brought Hummel? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, well, not really." Finn shrugged. "I thought some distraction would do him good."

"Distraction? I think I can help him with that."

Finn was still trying to figure out what the hell his best friend meant while Puck was already parting the crowd. "Guys, step back! Let Hummel breathe!" He casually put an arm around Kurt's shoulders. "Hey Kurt, I got something I wanna show you!"

Kurt raised one eyebrow at him. "I don't think I want to see anything that you have to show me, Puckerman."

"Come on, don't be a dick. I promise I won't penetrate your skull with anything that you can't handle."

With a smirk on his lips Kurt let himself be dragged along by the punk. "Why do I have the feeling I might regret this?"

"I promise you, no regrets, just a good time!"

Finn didn't like the way Puck glanced back over Kurt's shoulder and finger-gunned him. Was Puck flirting with Kurt? Before Finn could figure out how to react to this, Rachel claimed his attention for some problem over at the DJ booth. Reluctantly Finn joined Rachel, Mercedes, and Sam at the DJ booth, but his eyes stayed on Kurt and Puck.

Puckerman led Kurt to the couch and sat down close to him. Puck got his phone out and showed him something on it and Kurt leaned closer to have a look at it – and started giggling. To Finn's astonishment Kurt was laughing again. Puck really had managed to make Kurt smile again.

Now Kurt took Puckerman's phone and flicked through a bunch of pictures with a smirk on his face while Puck got them two glasses of sparkling wine. He offered one to Kurt, who looked like he wanted to refuse at first, but then accepted and clinked glasses with Puck.

"Is Kurt okay?" Mercedes asked and put a hand on Finn's arm.

"As long as you don't talk about Blaine!" Finn warned with an insistent look.

"Yeah, I figured as much," Mercedes said with a concerned look on her face. "So the rumor's true? About Blaine's… you know, suicide attempt?"

"Apparently, yes," Finn answered and Mercedes and Rachel gasped in shock. Out of the corner of his eye Finn was still watching his brother.

At one time Kurt laughed so hard that Finn could see the sudden stab of pain piercing through Kurt's chest and the way Kurt was grasping for air and choking. He wasn't well yet and his ribcage still hurt him. Finn started to hurry over, but Kurt had recovered fast and continued chatting with Puckerman vividly, so Finn decided to leave him be.

* * *

><p>Kurt looked around the room, watching his friends and his resolution to stay strong and composed was crumbling. His personal pity party was far from over. He hadn't heard anything from Blaine for six weeks now. He was determined to fight, but there was no one he could be fighting with. He wanted to face Blaine's father, but he didn't know where the man was. Not even Shane could get his father on the phone if the man decided not to talk to his son. Kurt felt like a warrior with a drawn sword watching out for the dragon that hid somewhere in the mist, laughing at him.<p>

He loved Mercedes and she deserved to be happy with Sam. He was happy for her to finally have a boyfriend. But he couldn't bear listening to the story of how she fell for Sam. Not yet. He wasn't in the mood for love stories. It tore at him to watch how happy Mercedes was with Sam, they were laughing and smiling at each other.

He tried to remember the last time he'd laughed with Blaine. They always enjoyed each other's company, but they usually talked a lot about serious stuff or school stuff or Kurt would rant about Rachel being annoying or Finn being naive or he would talk nonstop about clothes. What if he'd been more at ease with Blaine? What if they'd laughed and joked more? Would Blaine have remembered their happy times and chose to live rather than hurt himself?

"Disgusting, huh? All these couples?" Puck said with a huff and his words dragged Kurt out of his dark thoughts.

"So how're things with you and…" Kurt paused and scrunched up his face. "Lauren? Or was it Santana? Sorry, I'm not quite up to date."

"I'm a happy single right now. Free for anyone who wants a bite of all this Puck-delicious! Just last week I met this chick who was a natural at giving head. Gee, a good ol' blowjob is the best thing that can happen to you," Puck said praisingly and throwing a wink at Kurt, "but of course you would know what I'm talking about."

Kurt held on tight to his glass of sparkling wine and crinkled up his nose with a forced smile. Did Puck really assume that just because he was gay blowjobs were his favorite pastime activity? He wasn't gonna tell him that he was still a virgin. So was Blaine…

"So are you the giving kind or are you on the receiving end?" Puck asked conversationally as he poured some more sparkling wine into Kurt's glass.

"I beg your pardon?" Kurt raised his brows at the guy sitting next to him.

How the hell did he end up talking to Noah Puckerman about sex? And why did he get the weird feeling that Puck was trying to hook up with him? Kurt looked around the place again, desperate for someone to rescue him.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Hummel, it was just a question," Puckerman replied with a casual shrug.

"How about a change of subject?" Kurt took another long swallow, and the moment he put his glass down again another troubling thought struck him, something that all of a sudden seemed extremely important.

If Blaine had died that night, he would have died a virgin.

And it would've been Kurt's fault. They had never even touched each other.

What if Blaine had known the pleasure of physical love? Would he have loved Kurt more if their relationship had been more intimate? Would he have wanted to come back to Kurt if he had known what it was like to make love to him?

Would he have wanted to live to experience more of it?

No matter which way he turned it, he always ended up feeling guilty. He was the only one who could have made Blaine want to live. He could have been Blaine's reason to live. But apparently he'd failed as a boyfriend.

"Some more?"

Kurt shot a restrained smile at Puckerman as he accepted another glass of sparkling wine. Normally, he had strict reservations towards alcohol ever since he had thrown up on Ms. Pillsbury. Back then April Rhodes had promised him that drinking would make him feel better and give him courage to be himself. It had not worked out quite as promised. He hadn't touched alcohol ever since. But today he didn't care. He longed for that fuzzy feeling his friends always told him about. Being outspaced, leaving reality behind, letting loose and stop _thinking_.

He took another swig. His body started to feel warm and his head felt lighter and he began to think that maybe this party wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"So, Kurt, do you come here often?" Puck smirked at him with a glint in his eyes and Kurt couldn't help but laugh out loud. He never knew that Noah Puckerman could be so incredible _funny_!

"Hey, you're having fun, bro?" Finn came over and addressed Kurt with that lopsided smile of his. "I think you've had enough to drink."

"Oh, don't be a dick, Finn," Kurt giggled and leaned into Puckerman, who smiled as proud as a father whose baby-boy had just spoken his first words.

_Great_, Finn thought with a forced smile. _He's already using Puck's vocabulary._

"Look, I just don't want you to get sick," Finn tried to talk to Kurt, but Puck made some super intelligent comment like 'only a dick gets sick' and Kurt cracked up laughing.

"Puck, you're so not helping!" Finn rolled his eyes.

"Hey, if you want my help you gotta pay for it. Nothing's for free!"

At some point during the banter between Puck and Finn, Kurt's phone buzzed. He got it out of his pocket and stared down at it in shock.

No! Shit! Now he remembered what it was he had forgotten. The phone in his hand was his father's. He had intended to claim his own phone back, just in case that… what? In case Blaine called again? Yeah, now how possible was that?

With a sigh Kurt opened the text message he'd just received. It was from Reed and his friend's message was short.

_Any news? – R_

Biting his lips Kurt typed a quick answer:

_Nothing. – K_

He drew a deep breath through his nose. It had never hurt so much to write these few letters… _Nothing_. No news. Not from Shane. Not from anyone. Kurt didn't know if Blaine was okay or if he was able to watch his video messages or if Shane had been able to talk to him by now. Nothing.

_I'm sure Shane will contact you soonish. He's one to keep his promises. And as soon as he does, you know who to call, right?;) – R_

"Hey, what's wrong?" Puckerman asked.

"Nothing," Kurt replied with a sigh. "It's just that I forgot to swap phones back with my Dad."

He turned the phone off. He didn't want to stare at it every few seconds to check for a message or call that wouldn't come.

It was senseless hoping anyway. He didn't even know if it had been Blaine who'd called him a few weeks ago and Shane had confirmed that Blaine was unlikely to ever get hold of a phone. Blaine was in the facility for more than six weeks now. He would turn eighteen the first week of February. And then there was Valentine's Day. And Kurt had no idea how he was supposed to survive all this without any news of his boyfriend.

Distraction! He needed distraction, stat!

Ah, look what a Rachel Berry was good for! Kurt turned his fashion-conscious eye on his friend and former rival. "Gosh, just look at Rachel," Kurt drawled to Finn. "How can she wear such awful outfits and still look cute? She always gets what I want. She gets the _Wicked_ song, she gets the boy... What's her secret? I mean just look at her dress."

"What's wrong with her dress?" Finn asked, looking around for his girlfriend. He had to admit that he hadn't paid much attention to her tonight, or lately.

"You mean, except for it being pink and a pain in the eye?" Kurt replied with a snarl. "Her fashion mistakes are unbearable. Someone's gotta tell her." Kurt looked from Finn to Puck and when neither boy agreed, he stood up abruptly with both hands raised in defeat. "Okay, I'll do it."

"No, dude, leave her alone," Finn tried to stop him, but Kurt already stood – swaying, but on his own two feet – and glared up at him.

"The next time you call me _dude_, Finn, I will lock you up in your room and blast Lady Gaga's latest CD on you for three hours!"

With a huff Kurt walked over to Rachel, not exactly in one line due to his tipsiness, and Finn followed him, nervous about Kurt wanting to pick a fight with Rachel and worried about the drunken state Kurt was in.

"Rachel, I couldn't help but notice your bold outfit choice." He put a hand on his heart as she looked up at him with a smile. "And I feel the desperate need to tell you as your friend that it makes you the exact look-alike of Miss Piggy."

"Really?" Rachel's smile just faltered a slight nuance. "Well, thank you, Kurt. I guess then the two of us make a perfect couple since with that high-pitched voice of yours you sound exactly like Kermit the Frog!"

The air between the two of them was electrifying and everyone had gone silent and was watching them in prospect of a fight.

"Yeah, girl fight!" Puck cheered and Finn nudged his elbow into Puck's side.

However, after a long minute of bitch staring at each other, Kurt's shoulders sagged and the arrogant expression on his face turned into a wistful look of longing. "Oh, how I miss you, Rachel!"

"Aww, I miss you, too, Kurt!" Rachel smiled up at him with tears in her eyes. "I'm gonna hug you now, okay?"

Kurt leaned forward and hugged Rachel. "An all boys school is so, so dense! It's not fair! I wanna come back to McKinley."

Tina and Mercedes rushed over to join in for a group hug. "We miss you, Kurt! Glee club's not the same without you!"

"I miss you girls so much, all of you! Brittany! You've always been good at driving us crazy, but now you can also drive a car! Congratulations!"

While Kurt was busy hugging the girls, Finn grabbed his best friend's arm and hissed at him, "Dude, what are you up to with Kurt?"

"Calm down, man," Puck freed his arm and smoothed one hand over his mohawk. "I'm just getting him wasted."

"Are you out of your mind? Stop giving him alcohol! He hasn't eaten properly for weeks, this isn't doing him any good."

"It's not like I'm forcing him to drink it," Puck shrugged and raised his eyebrows at Finn. "I'm a gentleman, you know? I'm not going further than he wants to go."

Finn narrowed his brows at him. "Are you seriously hitting on Kurt?"

Puck shrugged again. "Why not? If you don't, then I'm free to do it, right? And you said yourself he needed a distraction. Trust me, I have a lot of distraction to offer." He wiggled his eyebrows with a filthy grin upon his lips.

Before Finn could reply anything to the ladykiller (and seemingly to-be maneater), he was distracted by Kurt shouting, "Whoo, party!"

Kurt reached out for Tina's hand. "Come with me, Tina! Brittany! Girls, you need to help me out here!" He gestured to Sam who was in charge of the music. "Hit it, Sammyboy!"

Laughing Tina and Brittany joined him on the dance floor. The hypnotic beat of _Your Love is My Drug_ busted through the boxes, and in perfect sync the three of them started to dance, swiveling their hips all sexy while their audience cheered them on. Brittany started singing,

"Maybe I need some rehab,  
>Or maybe just need some sleep<br>I've got a sick obsession,  
>I'm seeing it in my dreams"<p>

Kurt stepped forward to take over the lines,

"I'm looking down every alley,  
>I'm making those desperate calls<br>I'm staying up all night hoping,  
>Hittin' my head against the walls"<p>

With a laugh Finn realized that the last time he had seen Kurt dance like this had been on the football field. It was an impromptu based on the dance moves of_ Single Ladies_. Finn whistled and applauded loudly, thinking what a great idea it had been to bring Kurt along. The way Kurt was dancing and singing again, it seemed like he actually felt better.

Now the girls and Kurt were singing with joined voices,

"What you've got, boy, is hard to find  
>I think about it all about it all the time<br>I'm all strung up my heart is fried  
>I just can't get you off my mind<p>

Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug  
>Your love your love your love, is my drug!"<p>

"It's so sad."

Finn blinked down at his girlfriend who had appeared at his arm and clutched it, a heartbreaking look upon her face. "What do you mean?" He didn't quite make the connection between Kurt, Tina and Brittany dancing and singing all hot on stage and his girlfriend thinking this was sad.

"The way he misses Blaine," she elaborated and looked up at Finn with moist brown eyes. "It's so obvious."

Kurt sung the last verse alone, with Tina and Brittany flanking him and backing him up with the chorus lines.

"I don't care what people say  
>The rush is worth the price I pay<br>I get so high when you're with me  
>But crash and crave you when you are away<p>

So I got a question;  
>Is my love, your drug?<p>

Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug  
>Your love your love your love, is my drug!"<p>

The song ended and Tina and Brittany put their arms around Kurt's back and all three of them bowed to their audience together. Kurt was out of breath and rather dizzy. The dancing had felt good, normal, something he had control over. But the aftermath of moving too fast was bad. Kurt carefully walked off stage, watching each step so he wouldn't stumble and embarrass himself by falling on his nose which was very likely in this moment. He grabbed hold of the bar and leaned against the counter, trying to look like he was just being casual and not tipsy at all.

"I'm staying up all night hoping, hittin' my head against the walls," he murmured to himself and fought down tears. "I just can't get you off my mind."

Out of nowhere Noah Puckerman was at his side again, holding up a bottle of beer. He twisted open the top and handed it to Kurt. "You wanna go outside to get some air?"

"Dunno," Kurt said, taking a big swig.

"C'mon," Puck said, tossing an arm over Kurt's shoulders and leaning in to him. "Nobody will even notice."

Sadly, that seemed to be true. Nobody seemed to really care that he was here after all. Mercedes was flirting shamelessly with Sam, the same was with Tina and Mike, and Finn and Rachel... and suddenly it struck him that he was surrounded by couples... and Blaine wasn't here... and it hurt so much, he felt so lonely.

He took another long gulp of his beer and licked his lips as he followed Puckerman upstairs, but stopped just around the corner of the staircase to take a rest since his eyes were too heavy to stay open and his legs too weak to walk any further.

Kurt leaned his back against the wall in the corridor and scrunched up his face in distress. _I hate you, Blaine Anderson. Even if your dad gave you a hard time about being gay, you still had me. I would've helped you. How could you just give up on us? On yourself?_

"If my love was your drug, I'd be all you needed," Kurt murmured with closed eyes. Ever since Blaine had left his side Kurt felt like he was on drug withdrawal. And he wondered if Blaine missed him just as much as he did. He wanted to believe that Blaine regretted his suicide attempt and wished for nothing more than return to his boyfriend. Was it arrogant to think this way? To wish that you were the reason a person wanted to live?

_Stop thinking!_ Kurt bounced his head slightly to the rhythm of the music blasting up from downstairs, trying to concentrate on something else, anything to stop thinking. In frustration he tipped the bottle back up to his mouth and found that it was already empty.

And then he felt a warm breeze tickle his face and realized it was someone's breath. As he opened his eyes again he found that Puckerman was standing in front of him, his hands on the wall to both sides of Kurt, trapping him.

"Is there anything that you need right now?" He asked with an alluring smile. "I'd be happy to provide you with anything."

"Can you go and get my boyfriend back?" Kurt asked with a huff.

"No, but how about a good replacement?" Puck wiggled his eyebrows.

"No one can replace him," Kurt countered firmly.

"Too bad," Puckerman pouted like a child, and then turned to him with an all mischievous glint in his eyes. "Not even an old flame? What if Finn came up to you?"

"Finn Hudson?" Kurt asked with a chuckle. "Granted, he's the first guy I had a serious crush on," Kurt told him. "And if he'd been back then the way he's now… wow! I used to dream about him being this nice to me. Sometimes things change so drastically, you know what I mean?"

"Hell, yeah! Sometimes the wolves lie down with the lambs, right?" Puckerman gently pried the empty bottle out of Kurt's hand and put it down on the floor.

"Wanna make out?"

Kurt blinked in irritation, sure he'd heard wrong. "Excuse me?"

"I know the way to Rachel's bedroom," Puckerman grinned devilishly. "She's got a pink four-poster bed. Ain't that something you'd like?"

Kurt groaned but not in response to Puckerman's absurd talk. It was the beginning of Katy Perry's _Teenage Dream_ blasting from downstairs that was giving him a headache, even more so a severe heartache.

"Who's in charge of the music?"

"Evans, I think," Puck replied in a tone saying 'who cares?'

Kurt hid his face in both hands. Sam couldn't know what this song meant to Kurt. But Mercedes knew and she was with Sam. Any second now she would tell her boyfriend to stop the song and play something else. _Please, Mercedes, make him stop this song... _

Kurt pushed himself off the wall and started downstairs again. He wanted this song to stop! He needed it to stop, goddammit! Where was Mercedes when he needed her?

Kurt leaned over the banister and saw her standing right next to Sam at the DJ booth, flirting with him, not caring about the music at all and for silly stupid childish reasons he felt betrayed. Mercedes was supposed to be his best friend. She should know that he couldn't bear listening to this song right now.

He considered storming down to the DJ booth and stopping the music himself when he noticed that the two loverbirds' attention was being distracted. Kurt followed Mercedes's gaze towards a wild gesturing Rachel Berry across the room.

Mercedes held a hand to her ear while her lips formed, "What?"

"Cut the song!" Rachel shouted again, but the music was too loud.

Sam mouthed, "Why?"

And the second Sam turned the volume down Rachel shouted at the top of her lungs, "BECAUSE THAT'S BLAINE'S SONG FOR KURT!"

Rachel covered her mouth with both hands, shocked by her own loud voice in the sudden quietness. And everybody turned to look up the stairs to where Kurt was standing at the banister, Puckerman right behind him.

Mercedes looked shocked as she murmured to herself, "Oh right, I forgot." She turned to Sam, "No more Katy Perry, baby."

"Don't bother with the music," Kurt said bossily, stalking down the stairs. "I will take care of it." Kurt conquered the stage and grabbed the red glittering microphone. "Rachel, if I may use your stage once more?"

"It's my pleasure to have you use my stage, Kurt!" Rachel assured him eagerly. "You want me to help you out?"

"Thank you, Rachel, but for this one I need someone else's support." Kurt waved Puckerman over. "Noah, you asked if there was anything you could do for me. Here's your chance, sing with me!"

"OK, but I want it to be duly noted that I usually don't sing duets with dudes," Puckerman said, already grabbing a guitar and starting to pluck at it. "This is an exception because I've had a few beers and you're dang cute when you're drunk and dancing and stuff."

Kurt acknowledged Puck's words with a roll of his eyes. "You know the song," Kurt clutched at the microphone with both hands as he started singing,

"Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor  
>Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore<br>And I wonder if I ever cross your mind  
>For me it happens all the time"<p>

Kurt's gaze wandered around the room, all his friends were watching him, swaying to the music, seemingly having a good time and he realized that once again he didn't know what the heck he was doing, pouring his heart out in song while pretending that he was alright. Who was he fooling?

"It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone

And I need you now  
>Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control<p>

And I need you now  
>And I don't know how I can do without<br>I just need you now!"

Puckerman stepped forward to use the second mic, he kept his voice low and haunting, just the perfect nuance of sadness that this song required,

"Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door  
>Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before<br>And I wonder if I ever cross your mind  
>For me it happens all the time"<p>

Kurt closed his eyes and imagined his boyfriend sitting in some room somewhere, wishing he was able to hear him somehow, to feel his longing and know that he was needed and missed and loved even when they were so far apart,

"It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk

And I need you now  
>Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control<p>

And I need you now  
>And I don't know how I can do without<br>I just need you now  
>I just need you now!"<p>

Finn kept a watchful eye on Kurt while his brother sang with Puck. At the end of the song Kurt's voice broke and he bowed his head so no one would see his struggle to keep tears from falling. Everybody was applauding and pretending not to notice Kurt's almost meltdown, the girls obviously struggling with the indecision of rushing to his side to give him some comfort or to leave him alone.

Puckerman finally made the move for everyone by putting an arm around Kurt's shoulders and declaring lightly, "Thanks for listening, folks, but the band needs a break. No autographs, please!"

He guided Kurt upstairs again and this time they made it outside. Kurt leaned against one of the supporting pillars on the front porch and took deep gulps of air to keep his composure. "Thanks, Noah..."

"You're welcome, Kurtster. How about a little thank-you-kiss? You can place it anywhere you like..." Puck made a gesture down his body and leaned forward with a bad boy grin and the clear intention of a sloppy kiss displayed on his face, but before his lips touched Kurt's skin a hand was clasped over his mouth from behind and dragged him backwards.

"Don't do anything you'll regret later, Kurt!" Finn was right behind Puckerman and held his best friend back by wrapping his arms around him. "That includes kissing this questionable individual**."**

"As if I'd kiss him!" Kurt put on his best _bitch_ _please_ face. "Seriously? Puckerman's under the strong delusion that kissing him would solve anyone's problems."

"Why don't you give it a try?" Puck asked with a charming smile and tried to shrug Finn off his back.

Kurt frowned at him. "Because I am taken!"

"Where is he then, your boyfriend?"

"Puck! It's enough!" Finn interrupted and shoved Puckerman towards the house. "Now get lost! Go find yourself some girls to play with."

When Finn turned to Kurt again, he could see that the damage was already done.

Kurt was wiping tears from his face with one hand. "I wanna go home now," Kurt pleaded with a shaky voice and took a thin jagged breath of air.

"Okay, come on then. We're leaving." Finn produced his car keys out of his pocket.

"I should say goodbye to Rachel…" Kurt offered lamely, but Finn shook his head. "You can call her tomorrow."

"My coat…"

"We'll get it tomorrow." Finn held Kurt's arm tenderly as he lowered him into the passenger seat of his car and reached over to buckle him in. "This was enough excitement for one night, don't you think?"

* * *

><p>"Oh, my God, Blaine, is that you?"<p>

For a second Blaine was startled. This wasn't Kurt's voice, it was…

"Mr Hummel?" Blaine slumped back against the mirrorwall, his eyes still following the slowly changing lights on the elevator display, showing the floor numbers. 25, 26...

"I was hoping to speak to Kurt. Why do you answer his phone? Is he alright? Oh God, please tell me he's alright!"

"Yeah, yeah, he's okay, he's just off to a party at Rachel's. Gee, I meant to give his phone back to him, but I forgot… he's got my old phone with him, you know, but I don't know the dang number by heart… Wait, I can give you Finn's number and you can try to call him, I have it scribbled down here somewhere... Carole! Do you know Finn's number by heart?"

"He's at a party?" Blaine chocked out.

"What? Blaine, no, that came out wrong. It's not like he's having fun. Finn thought it was a good idea to take him along to cheer him up, you know, Kurt's really bad off since you've disappeared on him. He's really worried sick about you, kid. I've never seen him this bad."

Suddenly Blaine noticed that someone must have pushed the elevator button, because the sign showed that it was about to open at the next floor.

Blaine panicked and hit the emergency stop button.

The elevator stopped between the 29th and the 30th floor. He wouldn't reach the roof terrace today. Now he was trapped and he wondered how long it would take them to get him out of the elevator.

"Blaine? Blaine, are you still there?" Burt Hummel sounded worried.

"I'm here", Blaine answered in an almost inaudible whisper. "But I don't have much time..."

"Blaine, say, have you tried to call Kurt before? Like a few weeks back he'd received a call but the caller didn't say a word except Kurt's name."

"Yeah, that was me", Blaine answered and he grabbed the handle bar to support himself as he felt his knees going weak. "I'm sorry if I have scared him, I guess that was a bad idea. But I needed to hear his voice. Is it true he's been attacked? That he's been to hospital?"

"Yeah, that's right, but don't worry about him, he's better now, well, at least his injuries are healing okay and ..."

"What injuries?" Blaine inquired startled. He remembered what Shane had tried to tell him about Kurt being assaulted.

"He's got two broken ribs and a concussion. But like I said, his physical injuries are healing. The worst thing is some kind of what they call a post-traumatic stress disorder, he's not really eating and anxious to leave the house..."

Blaine shook his head and kept saying "No, no, no!" as if just wishing it never had happened would make the past undone and Kurt be okay. "No, this can't be true, I don't want this, oh Kurt, I'm so sorry!"

He hated himself for being stuck in this place when his place should be with Kurt instead.

"Please calm down, Blaine, I need you to talk to me! Please focus! Where are you right now?"

For a moment his voice failed him and he swallowed hard to keep his composure. "I'm in an elevator", Blaine finally replied. "I stole this phone and ran off, but any second they can find me."

"So you're still in that _facility_ in L. A.?"

"Yes, it's a mental institution. My dad wants to have me turned straight." Blaine laughed bitterly, at the edge of hysterically.

"How're you hanging in there, son? Are you bein' treated alright?"

"I'd be lying if I said yes," Blaine admitted. "But I do okay, things could be worse."

"Say, hasn't Shane come see you yet? He promised Kurt he'd go and visit you and try anything to convince your father to get you out of there."

"He's been here today, he just left. But I couldn't really talk to him, because Valerie was with him and he acted weird around her, like we couldn't trust her anymore."

"Well, after what Shane told us when we saw him this week, you really can't…"

"Wait! You _met_ Shane? How? Where?"

"I drove Kurt to Colorado Springs to your brother's school. We met rather secretly, but then your father's special agent for the dirty work found us, Devon. He's the one who has beaten up Kurt on New Year's, Kurt recognized him. And his sister, Vanessa…"

"Valerie," Blaine corrected him and felt like he was about to faint. This couldn't be true. Valerie and Devon both turned against him. And Valerie was still acting as if she was his friend...

"Yeah, right, she's not very trustworthy either. Apparently she told your father about you and Kurt in the first place, knowing fully well how he'd react to the news."

"What are you gonna do now? Are you going to the police?"

"No, we're not," Burt said, sounding defeated. "Kurt doesn't want to risk anything that could get you into more trouble with your father. So for now we're staying put."

"What else did Shane tell you? Please, I need to know! Tell me anything of what's been going on!" Blaine pleaded, resting his forehead against the mirror.

"Well, for one he told us all about your fight with your father the day you returned home for Christmas…"

"I can't remember anything from that night and nobody tells me anything. I only remember taking some pills but it doesn't make sense. Please, just give me something, anything that makes sense!"

The connection had turned bad and he had to listen closely to understand what Burt was saying. The mechanic was sketching out the fateful night in his own words, repeating what Shane had told them. And Blaine tried to remember the fight with his father, but to his frustration nothing came back to him.

There was a rustling sound and suddenly the elevator started moving again. Blaine looked up in dread. "They got me! I need to hang up!"

"Wait! You need to promise me something, Blaine!" Burt spoke up urgently. "Don't ever hurt yourself again! There's always a way out. I know you're doing bad right now, but please stay strong! For Kurt. He needs you to come back to him!"

"No, I won't hurt myself, I…" Blaine heard loud voices in front of the door. Any second now...

"Please tell Kurt that I'll try everything to get out of here!" Blaine said in a rush. "My Dad's gonna offer me a deal next week, I dunno what it is but I'm gonna get out of here and I'll do anything to get back to Lima! And... and tell him I saw his video messages! Tell him not to worry about me and that I'm sorry all this is happening and that he got hurt and…"

The doors of the elevator opened and two men stormed in.

"... I love him!"

Blaine cut off the call and held his hands up in a surrendering gesture, but before he could say a word of defeat they sprayed tear gas into his face.

He cried out in pain and shock, his eyes burned like hell.

Within seconds they were upon him, knocking him into the wall and putting a straight jacket on him with experienced moves. Tears of pain were streaming down his face and they led him down the corridor. Unable to do anything but moan in pain he squeezed his eyes shut all the way.

But when they opened a door and guided him into a room, Blaine recognized it immediately. The stuffed floor, the stale air, the smell of leather. The darkroom.

"No!" Blaine stopped dead and yelled at them. "No, please don't leave me here! I'll behave, I swear! Just don't leave me in here!"

His protest was lost on them. The door was shut behind him and he was left in the dark and complete stillness, listening to his own panicked breathing. For how long would they leave him in here this time? He collapsed on the floor, sobbing silently. And he decided that whatever this deal was that his father was going to offer him, he'd accept it, no matter what. What other choice did he have?

Maybe it was for the best that it had been Kurt's father on the phone. This way he'd been able to get some information. If it had been Kurt, they probably both would've cried the whole time, not being able to make proper conversation at all.

Blaine imagined his boyfriend standing in front of him, smiling that adorable toothless smile of his and in his sparkling eyes the promise that everything would be alright as long as they had each other.

_Kurt, I need you now._

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

Kesha – Your love is my drug

Lady Antebellum – Need you now

* * *

><p><strong>Coming up soon: <strong>

OK my dear readers, please prepare, because the next few chapters are going to be tough ones. Here's what to expect. (Don't read if you don't like spoilers. This is just to show you that I know where I'm heading with the story and I actually do have a storyline ;)

Arriving home after Rachel's party on Saturday night Kurt has to face an unexpected problem concerning Finn.

Also, Kurt has to deal with hearing of Blaine's phone call.

After spending one night in the darkroom Blaine gets out again on Sunday, just to be meeting some other staff member of the facility for one last _treatment_.

Gabriel returns and explains to Blaine why he's been missing for a couple of days.

Kurt receives another mysterious text message and does what the sender wants him to do, and gets into trouble.

Blaine's father shows up, offering him a deal.

* * *

><p>Please go and read <strong>A Blunt Question<strong> by _StormsInNeverland_. It's this wonderful and amazing story about Kurt meeting Cooper Anderson!


	32. Home Sweet Home

**Home Sweet Home**

"Home, sweet home, oh carry me home," Kurt sang with a slur in his voice as he stumbled across the hall, one hand groping for the wall to steady himself, one arm flopped over Finn's shoulder.

"Shh, be quiet." Finn hushed his brother.

The taller boy supported and half carried his step-brother into the house, begging him to be quiet. It was past midnight and Finn knew that his mother worked the night shift and apparently Burt was fast asleep after his long day in the shop. This was a lucky thing since Finn had no desire to meet his step-father in the middle of the night and having to explain why Kurt was a drunken mess.

"Finn, did you know that you were the first guy I'd ever been in love with?" Kurt clearly was in a chitty-chatty mood.

"Mhm." Finn helped him upstairs and ignored the fact that his brother was clinging to him more tightly than necessary.

"Wait, no, I've had a _serious_ crush on my gym teacher in elementary school. He had big beautiful hands!" Arriving in Kurt's room Finn gently guided his brother to sit down on his bed, but before he could stand up again Kurt grabbed his hands and tugged him down next to him.

"I'm a total sucker for hands. It's the first thing I look at when I see a man. And his eyes. And well, if I happen to see him first from his backside of course his butt."

Finn couldn't hide a big grin. Yep, Kurt definitely was drunk.

Now the smaller boy leaned heavy against Finn's arm and got really cozy. "You can't imagine how many sleepless nights I've spent because of you," he drawled, his hands both still clasped tightly around Finn's. "I suffered so, so much! But never again! Falling for a straight guy really sucks!"

"Yeah, I suppose." Finn answered with a smile.

"Just think about it, Finn, if I hadn't been crazy for you, I would never have introduced my dad to your mum and they would never have married and we would never have become _brothers_." Kurt stared up at him in utter amazement as if this conclusion had just hit him right in this moment.

Finn's grin expanded and he decided that Kurt was actually very entertaining when he was tipsy. Especially considering one never heard Kurt Hummel talk complete nonsense when he was sober. Finn intended to enjoy his brother's drunken rambling.

"Brothers! Think about it." Kurt repeated with one pointed finger raised. "If all this hadn't happened we wouldn't be here now!"

Finn smiled at this and shrugged. "Well, I suppose you'd have Blaine to comfort you…"

Kurt huffed and made a dismissive move with his hand. "Well, considering that he'd rather kill himself than be with me…" Kurt's voice broke and he leaned forward, hiding his face in his arms.

What was meant to be a sarcastic comment made his own stomach twist. He hated himself for his words, he didn't want to think like this. He didn't want to make fun of it, not even in a sarcastic kind of way. It wasn't funny that Blaine had been so hopeless and desperate that he didn't see another way out.

"Hey, you know what Blaine would say if he saw you tonight?"

"He'd say I was pathetic and weak," Kurt mumbled from between his arms, "and that scowling gives you ugly lines..."

"Wrong." Finn put one hand on Kurt's back and shook him gently. "He'd say you look beautiful. Because you do. Even though you're a bit tipsy and cross-eyed right now." Finn teased with a lop-sided grin. But then Kurt started crying, his shoulders were shaking and Finn didn't know what he should do about it.

"Hey, no need to cry, Kurt, why are you crying?" Finn put an arm around his shoulders, shaking him a little bit. He made a mental note of never letting Kurt drink again when it just turned him into a whiny, confused mess.

"I feel so lost," Kurt whispered. "I don't know what to do to help Blaine or if he even wants my help."

"Ssh," Finn patted him.

"I still can't believe he wanted to die." Kurt shook his head and wiped tears off his cheeks. "Even though Shane told me he did, I still can't believe it. It doesn't make sense. He knows that I love him and I know he loves me, too."

"Stuff like this never makes sense," Finn offered lamely. "Come on, get some sleep. Can you manage to change into your PJs yourself? Maybe need a hand with the boots?"

Finn crouched down in front of Kurt and loosened the ties of his knee-high boots, then he lifted Kurt's left leg and tried to pull the boot off. "Geez, what kind of monster boots are these? Have you glued them on? How do you get them off?"

"My boots are just fine, lemme do it myself." Kurt shook his leg out off Finn's grasp and leaned forward. "You think getting out of these boots is hard? Try getting in and out of skinny jeans every day, that's hard."

Finn laughed. "Then why do you wear them?"

"Because I like them!" Kurt retorted and kicked his boots off. He fell back on his mattress again, holding his head with both hands. "Oh, could the world please stop spinning now?"

Finn smirked at this. "You wanted to drink, so live with the side effects."

"I wanted my head to stop thinking and not to spin around like on a crazy bull ride!" Kurt sighed pitiful. There was a paper on his pillow, crunching under his head and with a sloppy move he brushed it off his bed. "Gosh, I feel so sick..."

"Do you have to throw up?" Finn asked in alarm. "Please tell me before it's too late!"

"No, I don't think so," Kurt mumbled, and then added with a groan. "Oooh, but maybe!"

"Hurry! The bathroom!" Finn dragged him off the bed and into the bathroom. "How much did you have?"

"Just a glass of sparkling wine or two."

"Did you have any punch?" Finn asked because the punch had been a killer.

"No?"

"Is that a question?" Finn smirked and sat down on the tiles next to his brother. Kurt did not have to throw up, instead he hugged the toilet seat and put his head on his arms.

"Hey, don't fall sleep, dude!" Finn shook him again and Kurt straightened himself up and looked at him with drowsy eyes.

"I heard that."

"What?"

"You called me _dude_ again and I'm not liking it."

"Uhm, sorry."

"Finn?" Kurt looked around his surroundings with a confused gaze. "What are we doing sitting on my bathroom floor?"

"What does it look like? I'm waiting for you to be sick in your toilet." Finn couldn't help but grin. It was so funny when Kurt was confused.

"Oh... right..." Kurt slid a hand over his face, his eyes small.

"Did you really just black out? You still know what you did today, right?"

"What did I do?" Kurt asked a little anxious.

"You flirted with Puckerman, remember that?" Finn teased him.

"I did _not_ flirt with Noah Puckerman!" Kurt protested. "I just laughed at his stupid jokes and I sang with him and I don't have a clue why the freaking hell he tried to kiss me." Kurt slurred so heavy that Finn had to strain his ears to understand half of what he said.

"You should go and get some sleep now, bro. Come on, I'm tired, too." Finn helped Kurt into bed again and turned to leave, but Kurt cried out for him. "Don't leave me alone, Finn."

"You're fine, Kurt. You're just dizzy from the booze."

"No, please, I don't wanna be alone. Can't you sleep here with me?"

"Uhm, no, but I'll sit here with you until you're asleep, okay?"

"'Kay." Kurt reached out and clasped his hand around Finn's to make sure he really stayed.

Finn looked down at the smaller hand clutching his own and had to swallow hard. There it was again, that undefined feeling, making his heartbeat speed up and his throat tighten. He still didn't know what it was exactly that he was feeling for Kurt and why his emotions were upside down but when he thought about the way Karofsky had grabbed Kurt's arm just this afternoon in the mall, he wanted to stay at Kurt's side all the time and protect him and make sure he was safe.

"You're safe." Finn stroked his thumb over the knuckles of Kurt's hand and spent a few minutes contemplating the things he'd learned and observed about Karofsky over the past few weeks and suddenly he came to a crazy conclusion that he needed to share.

"Kurt?"

"That'd be me," came his brother's voice along with a sigh.

"Are you asleep?"

"Yes." Kurt opened his eyes a bit and a small smile flickered over his features. "But go on."

"I've been thinking about Karofsky and I think I figured out why he's so obsessed with you. Now I know this may sound _totally_ unbelieveable but I think that perhaps he's gay and, like, in love with you, in a strange twisted kind of way and..."

"Oh, my God!"

"Yeah, I know, I know! It sounds absolutely crazy, but Jacob told me stuff, like, Karofsky has been asking for videos of glee club and Cheerios performances just to see you and now I'm thinking that he's watching those videos and... and that he's thinking of you in this way... and it drives me mad!"

Kurt threw his covers off and sat up, grabbing Finn's arm. "Don't tell him, Finn, you can't tell him... don't tell him that you _know_!"

Finn narrowed his eyes at Kurt. "What do you mean? Are you saying you know about him? He's really gay? And you know it?"

To his horror Kurt started to cry again. "He kissed me." Kurt said, wiping the tears off his cheeks angrily.

Now Finn was wide awake. "Karofsky _kissed_ you? But that would mean, like, he's really gay?" Finn couldn't grasp it. That bulk of an asshole was the biggest homophobe he knew. The way he'd bullied Kurt and made fun of gays in general wasn't normal.

"That's what he threatened to kill me about. He said I'd be dead if I ever told anyone that he kissed me." Kurt's face was tear-stained but he was no longer crying. He slumped back down on his pillow and laid his arm over his head. "Oh, my head feels like it's gonna explode any second. You can't tell anyone about Karofsky, Finn."

"Don't worry." Finn patted his back to comfort him.

Suddenly everything made sense. Why should Karofsky threaten to kill Kurt when it was just about picking on him? He would have to kill half the student body of McKinley High if he wanted to prevent anyone from telling he was picking on them.

Also, in the end everybody had known that he'd bullied Kurt. It was no secret. _This_ however really was a secret worth killing someone for. At least in Karofsky's way of thinking.

Finn sat next to Kurt, clearly horror-stricken. Thinking back now, he was more ashamed than ever about how cowardly he'd acted in those days, not willing to stand by Kurt's side when he had known that his brother had been terrified of Karofsky.

"I'm … I'm so sorry, Kurt…"

Kurt had sunken back into his pillows and was passed out. Finn waited until Kurt's breathing slowed, then he slipped out of the room.

* * *

><p>Tired and groggy Finn got into his room and undressed. He hastily washed himself, put on a tee and changed into comfy oversized boxers, then fell into bed with a thud. Man, that had been a wild party! It was really annoying when everybody else was drunk and you stayed sober. And Kurt overdid it tonight, he definitely shouldn't drink. He was worse than Rachel when she was drunk.<p>

Finn slowly began to drift away into his own private dream wonderland when he suddenly got aware of another person in the room whispering his name. Finn suffocated a moan into his pillow. Why couldn't Kurt just stay in bed and sleep? And how did he get downstairs unharmed?

"Finn? You awake?" A hand shook his shoulder and Finn groaned. "What? I thought you were asleep..."

"I can't sleep. Do you mind…?"

"Yeah!" Finn turned around and faced his stepbrother with sleepy eyes. The room was illuminated by the light of the streetlamp outside. "Get in," Finn murmured.

"Thanks." Kurt slipped under the blanket and shoved Finn aside. With a sigh Finn made room for him. He was about to make Kurt promise not be sick in his bed when he noticed that Kurt had brought something along.

"What's that?"

"Carole's cherry liquor!" Kurt said giggling, holding up the bottle and two small glasses.

"Are you out of your mind? You've had more than enough already! You're not drinking that!"

"C'mon Finn, don't be a dick!"

"And stop using Puck's vocabulary. It doesn't suit you. You're better than that, Kurt."

Finn sighed and got up to get a bowl from under the sink in his little bathroom and put it next to the bed. "This is a puke bowl, Kurt! Do you understand me? If you feel sick, puke in there, alright? I don't want you to get sick all over my bed and I don't want you to run for the bathroom and puke on my carpet along the way."

Kurt showed him his tongue. "You're so caring!"

"Yeah, that's because I love you so much," Finn said with a sigh.

"You're doing it again," Kurt giggled.

"What?"

"Telling me you love me." Kurt started to sing in an annoying voice. "You love me, you wanna kiss me, you want to marry me" Kurt was laughing again, almost hysterical, and Finn tried to hush him. "Be quiet. You're gonna wake your dad."

With a happy giggle Kurt opened the liquor bottle and poured himself a glass. With a cheer he raised it to his lips.

"You've had enough already!" Finn took the glass out of Kurt's hands and downed it himself, making a face. "Urgh, that's distgustingly sweet!"

"Duh! It's cherry liquor. It has to be sweet!" Kurt explained and poured another glass.

"Kurt, no!" Finn grabbed the second glass and downed it before Kurt could. "No more alcohol for you. What would Blaine say if he saw you drinking like this?"

Finn regretted his words immediately when Kurt started sobbing again. "I'm such an awful boyfriend."

"No, not again. We had this only yesterday, Kurt!"

"Can you believe that I have never been intimate with Blaine? Nothing, niente, nada!" Kurt raised the bottle to his lips and took a big swig before Finn could stop him. The alcohol brought tears to his eyes and he coughed.

Gently, Finn pried the bottle out of his hands. "I don't think Blaine wanted to kill himself because he was sexually frustrated."

"But maybe if I had had sex with him, he would have felt better about himself," Kurt started arguing. "I mean, sex is supposed to be something good, right? It makes you feel good! And I always backed off! I'm not only talking about intercourse, I mean _anything_. Blowjobs, handsjobs, I haven't done _anything_ with Blaine and we've been together for months. I could have made him feel good."

"Shh, don't talk about it." Finn embraced him.

"And I don't wanna die a virgin!" Kurt added with a sob into Finn's neck.

"Now don't be dramatic. You're not dying, Kurt." Finn held his stepbrother at arm's length and tilted his head. "You're not, are you?"

"Feels much like it," Kurt replied with a childish pout.

"You're being dramatic," Finn said with a smile and a sigh. Then he waved to an invisible barkeeper, whisper-shouting, "No more alcohol for this guy!"

It made Kurt giggle despite the tears that streamed down his face. Finn cupped Kurt's cheek with one hand and wiped the tears away with his thumb. Kurt closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.

Finn stared at Kurt's mouth and he was feeling something he definitely shouldn't be feeling.

And then Kurt flung his arms around Finn's shoulders and pulled him into another hug, craving for some closeness, for someone to hold him, and Finn nuzzled into Kurt's neck and held him tight. Kurt needed him, he needed someone to make him feel okay again... after Blaine had left him broken...

Hesitantly Finn put a chaste kiss on Kurt's neck and the wasted boy in his arms tilted his head in response. Finn trailed his lips slowly along the length of the neck, working his way up to Kurt's jaw, placing soft kisses on the surprisingly smooth skin.

He captured Kurt's face with both hands and continued to kiss his way over Kurt's face until he found his brother's mouth.

Kurt's lips tasted at lot like cherry liquor and sparkling wine.

And before Finn knew what was happening they were kissing, like _really_ kissing. Kurt's mouth was hot onto his and their tongues met while their bodies pressed against each other.

Finn told himself to stop, Kurt was drunk and would probably regret this tomorrow and he himself shouldn't be wanting this as much as he did but the way Kurt was clinging to him made it hard to let go.

Finn rolled over and dragged Kurt along until the smaller boy was trapped beneath him. He placed his elbows next to Kurt's shoulders, amazed at his brother's small figure compared to his own big lanky body. There was no sign of pleasure in Kurt's eyes, he looked as lost and helpless as he had for the past few weeks, except for flushed cheeks and a heat radiating from his slender body.

More than anything Finn wanted to distract him from his desperation. He wanted those eyes to shine again, to be happy again. Finn captured Kurt's lips once more for a gentle kiss. "Kurt..." Finn murmured and let his hands stroke down Kurt's body.

Hearing his name was what broke the spell. All of a sudden Kurt felt sober again. Disorientated. Panicked. What the hell was happening?

"Get off me, Finn! Oh my God, get off me!" He shoved Finn aside and sat up, cold sweat on his body and dread in his heart. What did he just do?

Finn just stared at him with a clueless look on his face. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"What did we do? What happened?" Kurt required hoarsely. "How could you... how could you let me kiss you like that?"

"I'm not sure, but I think..." Finn took a deep breath and gathered up all his courage to make a confession. "Kurt, I think that I'm in love with you."

Kurt stared at him in utter shock for a long moment.

"Kurt? Please say something..."

With a sudden movement Kurt bent over the edge of the mattress, grabbed the puke bowl and threw up.

* * *

><p>Burt woke up with a start and immediately sensed that something was wrong. The sun was up already and his alarm clock showed that it was past seven o'clock. His wife was still on her night shift duty but would return within the hour. It was just another normal Sunday morning.<p>

Except it wasn't...

Oh no! Kurt never woke him last night, which meant that he still didn't know about Blaine's phone call yet! Burt jumped out of his bed. Didn't Kurt see the note he had left on his bed?

Right after Blaine had ended the call, Burt had tried to call Kurt or Finn, but both boys had their phones turned off. Since it had been an exhausting day for Burt (digging bushes out early and working at the shop all day long) he had decided to just collapse into bed and leave a paper note for Kurt telling him to wake him up as soon as he got back home. Burt had even added the words, "Urgent! News from Blaine!"

Now Burt hurried out of his bedroom and across the hallway on bare feet. He only knocked at Kurt's door once and didn't even wait for a response before throwing it open.

"Kurt, wake up!" With his hand still on the doorknob, he stopped dead in his tracks, irritated. Kurt wasn't in his bed! Did he come home at all last night? But there was his note, crumbled, as if someone had lain on it. "Kurt?" He looked into the connected bathroom but there was no sign of his kid.

For a brief moment a wave of panic washed over the father, but then Burt remembered that Kurt had slept in Finn's room for the past few nights, so he descended the stairs and tried his luck there.

Without bothering to knock at all he stormed into Finn's room and was relieved to see Finn stretched out on his bed and Kurt lying next to him, both sound asleep.

Burt sat down on the edge of the bed and gently shook his son. "Kurt? Kurt, wake up, son!"

Kurt woke up with a protesting hum and covered his ears with his hands, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Hey, wake up, Kurt, I gotta tell you something!"

"Not so loud," Kurt requested with a low voice, burying even deeper into his pillow. "Why are you screaming?"

"I'm not…" Burt started to say irritated, but then he got it. The smell of alcohol in the room was palpable. "Did you drink?" He asked unnecessarily, with his voice rising.

"Dad, please," Kurt begged with a moan, just squinting one eye. Seemingly he had the worst hangover ever. "Don't talk so loud."

"I can't believe you guys were drinking!" Now Burt definitely sounded angry. "Finn, I told you to watch out for him! And how did you even get home?"

"I didn't drink and drive, I swear," Finn said defensively, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "I just started drinking when we got back home."

"You drank here in the house?" Burt stared at the boys, scandalized.

"Please, don't talk so loud, Dad," Kurt sat up slowly. "Can't we delay this conversation until after I've slept for another few hours, please?" He had big bags under his eyes and looked like he was going to be sick any second. The miserable sight of his son softened Burt a bit and made him remember why he had come down in the first place.

"Hey buddy, why didn't you wake me up last night?" Burt sounded tense, almost anxious. "Didn't you see the note I put on your bed?"

Kurt didn't answer. Instead he looked around the place confused and all of a sudden something crossed his face and he turned to stare at Finn disbelievingly. "Oh my God, please tell me that was just a weird dream last night, Finn."

"You passed out," Finn explained. "Right after you threw up."

"So we didn't… ?" Kurt didn't finish his sentence but gazed at his brother in a meaningful way.

"Oh yeah, we did. And I'm not sorry." Finn smiled that lop-sided smile of his that Kurt used to love so much, but now it only made him uneasy.

"Oh my God, oh my God, Finn, are you out of your mind?"

"Hey guys, listen up," Burt cut in. "I don't know what kind of drama you're talking about here but I've got something important to tell you..."

"I know I shouldn't have been drinking and I swear I won't ever again," Kurt replied with a sigh and dragged a hand down his face.

"Now, that's great, Kurt, but listen, last night I got a call from Blaine..." Burt watched his son attentively to prevent any kind of meltdown while he tried to break the news as careful as he could to the boy.

"Excuse me?" Kurt looked at him but didn't seem to really understand what he was saying.

"I got a phone call from Blaine last night," Burt repeated himself. "He called on your phone and I answered it. He didn't have much time, though, because he's nicked the phone."

Kurt gazed at him with wide eyes and a look of sheer bewilderment on his face. "What did you just say?"

"I said somehow Blaine got hold of a phone. He's still in that facility in L. A. and we talked for a few minutes and…"

"No," Kurt shook his head slowly. "No. That can't be."

"I'm so sorry," Burt said soothingly to his son who was apparently in shock. "I wanted to give him Finn's number, but I figured that maybe Finn wouldn't hear his phone at the party anyway and then Blaine and me were talking and like I said he didn't have much time..."

"No! No! He didn't call!" Kurt shouted at his father and kept on shaking his head in denial.

"Kurt, I'm telling you he did. Why would I lie to you about this?"

Kurt stumbled to his feet and towards the bathroom door, repeating over and over again, "He didn't call, no, he didn't, he didn't!"

"Hey, where are you going?" Before Burt or Finn could stop him, Kurt had locked himself into Finn's small bathroom. He plopped on the cold tile floor and hugged himself to try to stop himself from shaking so hard. His eyes were dry but his heart was beating so fast, he expected it to break another rib.

Blaine had called.

And he didn't have his phone to take the call.

He'd missed this one in a million chance to speak to his lost boyfriend.

And he'd kissed Finn. If Blaine ever found out about this...

Kurt buried his face into his arms and concentrated on his breathing. Don't panic now! Don't panic now! He needed to focus on positive thoughts. Hell, the only good thing was that this was as worse as it could get.

This couldn't possibly get any worse. Right?

* * *

><p><strong>Hi everyone! I know most of you don't like my Finn-is-confused storyline. I assure you Kurt isn't happy about it either. Don't worry, it won't last long. ;)<strong>

**Blaine's chapter will follow up in a minute. :)**


	33. Kiss The Girl

**Kiss The Girl**

After one night in the darkroom Blaine was fetched up by someone he'd never seen before. At first he wanted to ask for Gabriel again but didn't, knowing he wouldn't get an answer anyway. He hadn't slept at all, too busy being scared of being left and forgotten in the dark forever. So he didn't want to do anything to annoy or offend the staff at the risk of ending up in the darkroom again.

It was early in the morning and he was brought to the community bathroom which was crowded this time of the day. He looked around at the other patients, most of them young men around his age. Everyone had their personal guide nearby making sure they wouldn't talk to each other. The orderlies all seemed to be cold and distant and heartless. It made Blaine wish Gabriel was back.

The orderly in charge of him released Blaine of the straight jacket and told him to get undressed. Then he was told to get into a shower niche and wash himself up. Not expecting anything good to happen to him anymore Blaine turned the water-tap and couldn't believe it when warm water splashed down on him. Was this a mistake? Would the orderly notice any minute and lead him to a cold shower instead?

Blaine suppressed a squeal of joy, hot water! It was so wonderful, so unbelieveable wonderful to have a hot shower. He took the shampoo and shower gel and soaped himself up, enjoying every second as much as he could before they could drag him away again.

It felt so good. The water was relaxing and soothing and lifting his spirits up. Finally he felt clean and fresh again.

He was given clean clothes in blue color and soft left for the hallway again and Blaine expected to be taken back to his room. However, he was led down a corridor he'd never seen before. He slowed his pace, nervous about what was waiting for him on the end of the corridor.

"Where are you taking me?"

His guide didn't answer, but went straight ahead.

Blaine panicked a little. The hot shower had probably been the best thing that was going to happen to him today. From now on things could only get worse.

"Please, what's happening to me now? I know I've acted improperly yesterday and I'm really sorry about attacking that man. I didn't mean to hurt anyone."

His orderly opened the black door at the end of the way and held it open for Blaine to step in. Reluctantly, he peaked into the room. It looked like another waiting room with white leather couches and green plants and a coffee-table with magazines. This waiting room seemed more intimate than the one in which he'd met Shane and Valerie since there were no glass doors.

Before Blaine could ask anymore questions the door was closed and he was left alone to wonder what he was supposed to be waiting for. Slowly, he moved towards the window to get an idea of which floor he was on.

"Hi."

Blaine turned around with a start, his heart beating out of his chest. He hadn't noticed that there was another person. He glanced around and noticed a girl sitting on one of the couches at the far end of the room, half hidden behind an enormous green plant.

"Hi." Blaine greeted her back and approached her slowly, then sat down a few seats away from her on the same couch.

"Waiting, too?" She asked with a friendly smile.

Blaine nodded. He hadn't been allowed to speak to other patients yet, so he was curious about her. She looked about his age or a bit older and wore a denim skirt ending just above her knees and a red top that accentuated her breasts in a very inappropriate way. Her long brown hair fell in waves over her shoulders and her smile was too flirtatious for his liking.

"Mind if I sit closer?"

Before he had a chance to answer she flopped down right next to him on the couch and crossed her legs, her knees touching his. Clearly she didn't care about invading his personal space.

"I'm Jenny."

"Nice to meet you, Jenny. I'm Blaine."

"You're really cute, Blaine," she said out of the blue.

Blaine let out a little laugh in surprise and hung his head in a humble way. "Thanks, so are you," he replied because she actually was very pretty.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Wow! Blaine's eyes expanded at her obvious flirting. She was a straightforward person. "No, I don't have a girlfriend," he answered honestly and wanted to add that he had a boyfriend, but his words caught in his throat when he met her gaze. There was something in her eyes that told him she wasn't for real.

She was no patient in this facility and it was no coincidence that she was sitting here, flirting with him.

"Why not? I bet the girls stand in line for you," she replied nonchalantly and propped her head up on one hand, resting her elbow on the back of the couch. "You do like girls, don't you?"

Blaine swallowed and nodded slowly. "Sure."

His gaze strayed to the exit and she noticed.

"Don't worry. No one will come in," she told him in a confidential way. But Blaine didn't let himself be fooled. Of course the room was wired and monitored and a bunch of perverse doctors were watching their every moves.

"We're all by ourselves." Jenny reached out and took his hand into hers. A shiver of repulsion went down his spine at the sudden touch.

What was her job? Was she here to exam his progress? To see if he still was gay? Or if he was willing to be interested in the other sex?

"Do you want to touch my boobs?"

Oh. My. God. Blaine stared at her, perplexed.

What should he do? Should he stay true to himself, telling her that he was gay and not even slightly interested in touching her boobs? But if he refused he might never get out of this place.

"Don't you think that's a bit too fast forward? We just met." He laughed awkwardly and acted the shy one.

"I don't mind." Slowly, she raised his hand and pressed it against her bossom, guiding his hand to cup one of her breasts. He fought hard not to withdraw his hand and tell her to get lost.

"How does it feel?" Her voice was gentle and when he inhaled deeply at a loss for words her smile widened. "I like it when you touch me," she whispered with an encouraging nod.

Blaine realized that this was far from being over. Apparently she expected him to go ahead with this. What was he supposed to do with her breast in his hand? Squeeze it? Stroke it? Caress her nipple? He had no clue how to go on from here.

"Have you ever been with a girl before?" She asked in her low, purring voice as if she could read his mind.

He shook his head silently and avoided meeting her gaze, afraid she would notice that he was only acting and that his shyness was actually disgust.

"Let me show you what you've been missing." Gently she guided his hand down on her knee and from there letting it slowly run up between her thighs underneath her skirt and... God, no, she wasn't gonna make him touch her lady parts, was she? It was hard to keep a straight face when all Blaine wanted to do was jump off the couch and run.

"I don't wanna... do this...," he finally said almost pleading. "I'm not ready for this," he added in a murmur.

"It's alright," she cooed and let go of his hand.

Blaine took his hand back and held it to his chest as if it was burnt and he closed his eyes in sheer relief.

Jenny's hands touched his face, stroking him gently, soothing him like his Mama used to when he had still been a child.

The thought of his mother hit him full force and all of a sudden he wanted to cry, he missed her so much. She had abandoned her sons a long time ago, even when she had still been living with them in the same house she hadn't really cared about them anymore. She had been drowning in her own misery. Blaine knew that his mother had wanted to leave their father for years and her only way out of her misery had been by drinking.

"There's always a first time for everything." Jenny rested her arms around his neck, her face suddenly so close that their foreheads touched. "It's always hard to overstep borders."

Once more Blaine's mind drifted off to think about Kurt and he wished that his boyfriend was with him now and that it was Kurt he was holding, caressing, touching. They hadn't dared overstepping borders yet because they loved and respected each other and wanted to be ready and comfortable before taking the next step. Would they ever get the chance to be together again?

What a stupid question! In his heart Blaine knew that he'd be with Kurt again, hopefully soon, although he doubted it. But eventually, when he'd finally gotten out of this nightmare and his father would finally let him live his life, he would be with Kurt again.

Jenny tilted her head and pressed her mouth against his. Blaine tried to imagine it was Kurt he was kissing, but he couldn't fool himself. Jenny was nothing like Kurt, she smelled wrong, felt wrong, tasted wrong.

She slipped her tongue inside of his mouth and it cost him quite an effort to kiss her back.

And as he kissed her Blaine felt something inside of him break a little. By returning her kiss he was overstepping a boundary. He was denying who he was, he was practically cheating on Kurt. His only hope was getting out of this place by following this path.

Time passed slowly and Blaine only endured this make-out session by disconnecting himself from his actions. It wasn't really him who was making out with Jenny, kissing her and letting her place his hands on her body.

"If you want to we can meet again next week." Jenny offered with a wink.

Blaine kept his smile plastered on his face at her words. He definitely didn't want to repeat this and the prospect of another hopeless week in this building bashed hard on his spirits. "That would be nice," he managed to say along with a smile that he hoped looked somehow genuine.

When he got back to his room he collapsed on his bed and fought hard not to cry. He felt so stupid and dirty. The feeling of Jenny's breasts and thighs still lingered on his hands and he felt so disgusted and ashamed by touching and kissing her.

He also felt ashamed for her, getting paid for practically being a whore. How many gay patients a day did she attempt to turn straight by this kind of treatment? How many times did she succeed?

Blaine got up again and hurried into the connected bathroom to wash his hands and mouth. He needed to get the feeling off of him, but the memory lingered like a bad taste in his mouth that he couldn't get rid of.

The plain thought of having to met her again made him shudder in revulsion. He had never thought that he'd feel so disgusted by a woman's body. Perhaps it was more the situation that made him feel uneasy and not Jenny's body in particular. Whatever it was, he didn't want to do it again.

He braced himself on the sink and hung his head.

_Dad, please let me get out of here soon._

**xxxx**

For the rest of the day Blaine lay down on his bed and drowned in self-pity. He hoped that he wouldn't have to see Dr. Nolan today since he didn't want to have to tell him how much he'd enjoyed meeting Jenny. He just wanted to stay in bed and hate himself and the world.

He didn't even look up when the door opened in the afternoon, he didn't want to see another unfriendly face.

"You have quite an impressive record now, Wildcat."

Blaine jerked around at the sound of that voice and sat up straight.

Gabriel was back!

It had only been two and a half days but those days had been hell in hell. His first impulse was to jump out of bed and hug the guy and ask him to never leave again!

Instead, Blaine remained sitting on his bed, his heart beating in full speed while he stayed motionless and watched the orderly slowly walk across the room and flop down casually on his favourite spot under the window as if he had never been away.

"I heard you attacked Jason, kicked him right in his groins?" Gabriel gave him a thumbs-up. "You don't know how many times I've wished I could kick his butt! You're not making yourself friends with your fighting, but don't stop. Don't you ever stop fighting, Wildcat."

There was something in Gabriel's voice that made Blaine's heart skip a beat. It was some kind of sad regret, like he was speaking from experience.

Blaine wanted to ask where Gabriel had been, why he'd been away, but he didn't. He felt stupid for missing him like that. For feeling abandoned and betrayed by him for not telling he'd be gone for two days. Maybe he'd really just had two days off. It was arrogant to believe Gabriel's absence had had anything to do with him – or their kiss.

"I also heard that you met Jenny today," Gabriel continued with a big grin. "Nice boobs, huh?"

Blaine didn't reply anything. He just sat on his bed and stared at the man as if he couldn't truly believe he was real.

"But let me tell you a secret," Gabriel went on confidentially. "They're fake. Jenny makes pretty good money in here, so she can afford a nice pair of C-cups. I always thought it was cheating to try to turn gay men straight by leading them to believe girl's boobs felt _that_ good."

Blaine could tell that Gabriel was trying to sound cheerful, to brighten up his mood. But when Blaine remained silent Gabriel looked up at him with obvious worry in his eyes.

"Did you kiss her?"

"Have a guess." Finally Blaine found his voice. He didn't mean to sound sarcastic, but he couldn't stop himself.

"Of course you did," Gabriel replied casually.

Blaine narrowed his eyes at him. "Why do you think so?"

"Because you were afraid of what would happen if you didn't."

Blaine didn't say anything. Apparently Gabriel had it all figured out.

"Your dad was all excited when he heard about the possibility to let you meet some girl, you know? Like all you needed were some proper female advances to make you see the light. I guess this is your dad's way of visualizing the options for you, by making sure you get to grab some girl's breasts. Did you know they hand out a request form and your dad can pick out the kind of therapy he likes best for you?"

"You always talk like you're an outsider and that all what's happening in here has nothing to do with you," Blaine said accusingly. "But you work here. You're a part of it all."

His words seemed to hit a sore spot. At least they had Gabriel shut up for a little while.

Blaine continued to stare at the man, trying to figure out if something had changed, but Gabriel looked just like he had two days ago. His hair was tucked up in a sloppy ponytail, strands of blond falling into his face, making him look younger than he was. Maybe his eyes were darker, like he hadn't gotten much sleep in the past few days.

"So did you like it? Kissing her?"

There was something odd about the way Gabriel looked at him, unconsciously staring at his mouth as if he was jealous that it was Jenny who got to kiss him.

Blaine didn't say anything. His mistrust was back again. What if Gabriel reported to his father after all? What if he was making him trust him just to spy on him? What if he was going to regret telling Gabriel so much?

But then again Gabriel had shown him Kurt's video message. He had to trust him.

"Let me guess. You're just as gay as you were when you came in. I know for sure you're only interested in what I got in my pants." Gabriel winked at him cheekily and added with a smirk, "My phone."

Blaine swallowed hard and made a decision. Slowly he got out of bed and went over to the man. With crossed legs he sat down on the floor in front of Gabriel.

"I need to call him," Blaine stated simply and gathered all his courage to add the next words. "I'd do _anything_ to be able to talk to him."

He held Gabriel's gaze and forgot how to breathe. What was he doing here? Was he offering himself to the man? How desperate had he become? What would Kurt think if he found out that he practically prostituted himself just for a phone call? He wasn't proud of it but he didn't have many options.

"Didn't you talk to him just yesterday?" Gabriel asked with raised eyebrows.

"His dad answered his phone."

Gabriel made a face. "That's too bad."

"Well, his dad's great," Blaine replied with a one-sided shrug. "He would never judge you or make you feel like you didn't matter."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Gabriel murmured with a smile playing along his lips. "It's clear that he just loves his son no matter what."

Blaine frowned. "How would you know?"

Gabriel blinked and shifted his feet, sitting up straight and tilting his head towards Blaine. "I just assumed from what you told me."

"The thing is my dad's coming to see me and perhaps to take me home," Blaine continued to voice his problem. "But from what I heard from my brother my dad's watching our every moves, so even if I get out of this building he will make sure I'm not getting anywhere near a phone. So I might not be able to talk to my boyfriend for a very long time. Please, Gabriel, you have to help me. I just need to tell him that I'm okay so he doesn't worry about me."

"I know how you feel," Gabriel said with a sad look on his face. "All the things you do for love..." He slowly shook his head. "But well, I lied to you." Gabriel turned sad eyes on him.

Blaine froze. Gabriel had lied to him? Oh my God, now Gabriel would tell him that he was a spy after all.

"I don't have my phone with me," Gabriel explained with an apologetic shrug. "Yesterday one of the patients attacked a staff member for his phone and from now on it's forbidden for the staff to bring their phones along. Can you believe that?"

Blaine's face dropped. "Is that true?"

"You can search me if you want." Gabriel lifted his arms invitingly. "I don't mind your hands on me."

Blaine didn't move. He couldn't believe that he had worsened his own situation by his actions.

Gabriel dropped his arms again and looked at the boy with sympathy. "Besides, you're on dangerous ground, Wildcat, because I want you, I really do. But I can't give you what you want and you don't really want to give me what you're offering. I won't risk anything for you. I've done this once before and it turned out to be the worst decision in my life."

Blaine narrowed his eyes at him. "You've slept with a patient?"

"Oh, looky where your mind is, smutty you!" Gabriel laughed out loud. "I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about my heart, dummy. I won't risk my heart for you."

"Have you fallen in love with a patient before?"

"I'm not in love with you! Really, don't flatter yourself!"

Blaine didn't know if he wanted to go on with it or if he should just let it drop. Gabriel could deny it as much as he wanted, but Blaine could tell that the man had a soft spot for him and since it was Gabriel's only weakness Blaine had to take advantage of that.

He didn't know for sure how much longer he would have to hang in here despite Valerie's assuring words that his father might get him out soon if he behaved and agreed to some omnious deal.

In the end Gabriel was his only chance to contact Kurt. If only he could persuade Gabriel to give him access to a phone again.

"You still feel her all over you, don't you?"

Gabriel reached out and stroked his thumb over Blaine's lips in a rough way as if to wipe away her kiss, and funnily it seemed to help. Where the touch of Jenny's soft lips had lingered on his mouth was now replaced by the prickling feeling of the rough stroke and the taste of Gabriel's skin.

The man's touch didn't disgust Blaine like Jenny's had. And he knew he could do it. He could kiss Gabriel again if he had to.

"I'm supposed to pick you up for treatment," Gabriel checked his watch. "But we still have a few minutes to chat."

Gabriel had hinted already a few times before that he knew the situation Blaine was in and it made him wonder if there was someone special in Gabriel's life and if he knew a love like this, trying desperately to stay together, against all odds. Perhaps it was only sympathy that Gabriel was feeling for him. Whatever it was, Blaine was determined to find out more about the mysterious guy.

"So, Gabriel," Blaine started anew with a conversational tone, "where have you been?"

**Reviews? Thoughts? **


	34. Freaking Out

**Freaking Out **

"Kurt, please come out!" Burt was talking to the bathroom door for almost ten minutes now. "Don't you wanna hear about what Blaine said? Unlock the door please!" Burt knocked at the door as gently as he could, considering he'd rather just break the door in. He was all for giving his kid some space but if his son locked himself in it made him feel uneasy.

This time the key turned unexpectedly after just a few minutes and Burt sighed in relief and stepped back when Kurt appeared in the doorway. "You need to tell me everything!" Kurt demanded, looking pale and shaken. "Word for word!"

They settled down in the kitchen, got themselves coffee and said hello to Carole who just came in from working the night shift, oblivious to what was going on. Finn and Carole joined them when Kurt started to interrogate his father scrutinizingly. All the while Kurt's emotions were changing from super sad to excited to hopeful to freaked out.

"You told him I was at a party? How could you do that? He'll think I moved on with my life! He'll think I forgot about him!"

"Oh, my God, I told you it was Blaine who called me that day! I recognized his voice! And you and Principal Walken wouldn't believe me!"

"He said that he took the pills? Didn't he say why? What do you mean he can't remember anything from that night? He lost his memory?"

"Blaine saw my video messages? Oh, my God, he really saw them? How? When? Is he able to watch in the future when I put up more videos?"

Not only did he ask for Blaine's exact words, he also wanted to know _how_ his boyfriend had said those words, what he'd _sounded_ like and what he'd probably been _feeling_. The slightest change of tone, each possible way of pronounciation, Kurt asked for _everything_.

Finally Burt threw his hands into the air. "Kurt, have mercy! We just spend two hours talking about a ten minutes phone call. I can't remember whether or not Blaine's voice quivered when he talked about his treatments. All I know is he sounded much like himself. The most important thing is that whatever they did to him hasn't changed him, don't you think?"

Kurt nodded tiredly and accepted to stop talking about the call. "I'm the worst boyfriend ever," he stated simply and hid his face in his hands.

"Don't say that, Kurt, you couldn't have guessed that Blaine was going to call," Carole insisted. "This was just bad timing."

He glanced around, just now realizing that Carole and Finn were looking at him with sympathy and love.

Love... Finn's intense gaze made Kurt's stomach churn. What on earth had gotten into his brother? He still couldn't grasp the reason for Finn's behavior last night.

"Why don't you go to your room and take a shower, Kurt?" Carole suggested. "I'll prepare breakfast for everyone."

Breakfast? Kurt glanced up at the clock on the wall. It was only nine o'clock in the morning and already it was the worst day ever. He had a hangover and a missed phone call of his boyfriend. Things couldn't get worse.

Finn followed him upstairs. "Hey, can I talk to you?"

Kurt turned to him with a sigh. Although he simply wanted to forget about last night, Kurt figured they should be talking. Better sooner than later. "Come in." Kurt closed the door behind Finn and stepped further into his room, making sure to put distance between Finn and himself.

"Uhm, are you alright?" Finn asked.

"I don't know," Kurt answered honestly. "I know I shouldn't feel guilty about missing Blaine's call, but I do. And what on earth happened between us last night, Finn? How did we end up kissing? A while back you were shouting hateful things to me in the basement and now... I don't understand what's gotten into you. This sudden change of heart seems kind of impossible to me."

Finn gave him a crooked smile and shoved his hands into his pockets. "When will you learn that nothing is impossible when it comes to love?"

Kurt narrowed his eyes at him. "Beating me with my own words, thank you very much." Kurt crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked up at him. "Finn, let me tell you something and you gotta believe me with this, okay?"

"Okay." Finn nodded all serious.

"Finn, you're not _in love_ with me."

Finn slumped onto Kurt's bed in defeat. "I don't know what it is _exactly_," he admitted, "but I have these very strong feelings for you. I want to protect you and make you feel better and hold you and comfort you..."

Kurt's eyes widened. "Wow... that's a lot of things you wanna do. I must seem like a complete wreck that you've developed all those protective feelings for me. But that's all it is, Finn. Just protectiveness. Which I appreciate. I really do and I promise I will take better care of myself and you don't have to look after me anymore, okay?"

"No, Kurt. I have screwed up in the past! But I won't let you down again!" Finn announced all determined. "Look, I know what being in love feels like and it's what I feel for you now. It took me some time to realize but it's what it is."

"Finn, I know that you care a big deal about me and I'm so grateful for that," Kurt said, folding his hands and steepling his fingers. "And I know that you _love_ me, but please, please don't confuse your feelings with being _in love_ with me."

Finn considered this for a moment before replying, "Okay, but if I'm not in love with you then why do I daydream about kissing you?"

"You're doing _what_?" Kurt shrieked.

Finn scrunched up his face and just shrugged. "Sorry?"

"Whatever you think you're feeling right now, I'm telling you, you are not _gay_!" Kurt said and put as much strength into his voice as he could. "You are _not_ in love with me."

"What do you call those feelings then?"

"Maybe you're… bi-curious?" Kurt shrugged helplessly. "This is just… I don't know what it is… a phase or something? You're confused, Finn, and you're allowed to be. Everybody gets confused sometimes."

Just then Kurt remembered Blaine kissing Rachel when he was drunk and how Blaine had suddenly been thinking that he might be bisexual. But when he'd kissed her again sober, Blaine had been all sure about his sexuality again. Perhaps this was the key. Finn just had to kiss Rachel to remember his true sexuality.

"You should go see Rachel!" Kurt advised enthusiastically. "I mean, we were both drunk last night. The most incredible things happen when you're drunk, right?"

"I wasn't really drunk," Finn countered. "And I already felt this way before we shared that kiss last night."

"Urgh, please!" Kurt turned away, looking as if he was going to be sick any minute. "We didn't _share a kiss_! Well, _technically_ we did, but you make it sound like it was romantic which it was not!"

"Well, for me it was," Finn replied all sincere.

"Oh, my God, Finn!" Kurt couldn't stop himself from shouting out. "Have you lost your freaking mind?"

"I'm being honest with you, why are you getting so mad at me?"

Kurt took a deep breath to center himself. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you. It was my fault as much as yours and I'm sorry if I've done anything to... to confuse you, Finn. The thing is I need you as my _brother_. I don't need your _love_ or whatever it is. Also, you have a girlfriend! Rachel will not be amused about this."

Finn looked down at his hands. "Things with Rachel have been kinda... well, _boring_ lately." He shrugged and grimaced. "Forget about Rachel."

"No, we won't forget about Rachel!" Kurt raised his voice. "And we won't forget about Blaine either!"

Before Finn could say anything else on the matter, Kurt's phone buzzed. They both looked up, startled, before Kurt launched himself at his phone and checked the caller's ID. It was Wesley.

"Hey Wes! Any news?"

"Hi Kurt! Yeah, news indeed! Guess what!"

"Please don't say Blaine called you?" Kurt closed his eyes and inwardly died at the idea of EVERYONE talking to Blaine on the phone but him.

"What? No, but close. Shane called Erica and Erica called me. Actually she tried to call me last night but my cell wasn't charged, so sorry for the delay."

"Don't worry about delay, my whole life feels like it's being on hold right now," Kurt sighed and leaned back against his desk, facing Finn who still sat on his bed, following the conversation attentively. "How's Shane?" He was still worried about the boy getting locked away just the way Blaine was.

"Shane seems to be okay. He has visited Blaine yesterday but they couldn't really talk because some woman called Valerie was around? But Blaine's got a message for you, well, it's actually a song he's written. Erica has typed it down and send it to me via e-mail. I have sent it up to you and it should be in your account right now."

"A song?" Kurt felt his throat tighten as he turned around to his laptop to check for his e-mails. "Blaine wrote a song for me?"

"Yeah, and it's pretty good. It's called _Courage_ _Is_."

Courage. Kurt bit his lips hard and couldn't help the happy grin settling down on his face. Blaine was giving him courage. Like he always had. Like he had the first time they'd met. Hold your head up high and face what's coming at you. Have courage.

_I will, my love, I promise I'm going to be brave._

"Shane also said that Blaine's gonna get out of there soon, at the latest on his birthday. Apparently his father's planning a big birthday party for Blaine because it's his eighteenth. But I wouldn't count on being invited."

"Did he say anything about where Blaine will stay after he gets out? Will he come back to Ohio?" Kurt drummed his fingers on his desk waiting impatiently for his laptop to start up.

"I don't know. I'll make sure that Erica contacts Shane again and asks him about that."

"Thanks, Wes. Please contact Reed right now. He's waiting for word of Shane."

"I'll do. And Kurt... uhm, I wanted to say sorry about Friday..."

Kurt scrunched up his face, remembering their heated phone conversation on Friday. "Don't mention it, Wes. I'm the one who has to apologize."

"No, Kurt, I was out of line. I shouldn't have talked to you like that."

"I guess we're all going a bit crazy lately with what's happening to Blaine," Kurt replied. "Let's forgive and forget, alright?"

"Alright. Thanks, Kurt! Keep in touch! Bye!"

Kurt disconnected the call and as soon as he opened Wesley's e-mail in his account he felt the first tears prickle in his eyes. "Finn, please leave me alone."

"Are you sure? I think I should..."

"I am sure." Kurt turned around and gave his brother a little smile. "Please tell Dad that Wesley called me with news of Shane. Blaine's brother's alright, that's the most important thing."

Finn left the room with a nod.

Kurt turned his eyes back on the message and read Blaine's song over and over again until he knew the words by heart. It was beautiful. Beyond that. It was amazing. And Kurt couldn't wait for the day when Blaine would sing it to him.

How could he ever have believed that Blaine wasn't missing him the way he missed him? Here Blaine was trying to reach him and telling him to have courage. One missed phone call and an original song.

Kurt went into his bathroom and took a hot shower to wash away all his doubt and fear. They would be together again. Blaine was just as desperate as he was. They would find each other again.

* * *

><p>"I can't imagine Blaine's father to actually <em>hate<em> his son," Carole mused in the kitchen. She made scrambled eggs for her husband and her son. "I mean if the man goes through all this trouble to change his son so desperately, he must love him, don't you think?"

She turned to look at Burt before adding, "Not that I agree with his methods or his wish to turn him straight."

"I have no idea," Burt sighed. "All I know is that I would never try to change my kid in any way."

"The eggs are almost ready," Carole announced and glanced at her son. "Finn, would you please go and ask Kurt to come down? I have a fruit shake for him."

"I only wish Kurt would eat again," Burt ran a hand over his bald head. "He ate some pancakes with Finn yesterday. It's a start, but I want him to get stronger. Besides, I'm still mad at you, boy!" Burt pointed at Finn who'd just rose from his seat and now looked at his step-father with a scared look on his face.

"You shouldn't have let Kurt drink!"

"I told him not to have any, but he wanted to," Finn got defensive. "I couldn't say no to him in front of all our friends, could I? And I kept an eye on him, he didn't drink much!"

"He takes meds for the pain, honey," Carole explained calmly. "Drugs and alcohol don't go well together. So even if it wasn't much, it could have had a huge effect on him."

Before they could argue the point further, they heard steps on the staircase and Kurt appeared in the kitchen door, looking clean and neat, more himself again. He did a little something with his hair and put on nice clothes. Nothing fancy, it was just the smallest effort compared to how Kurt usually dressed up but it made Burt smile.

However, Kurt's face gave nothing away. He asked Carole for a Tylenol for his headache and then sat down at the table, slipping a piece of paper over the table for Burt to read. Burt picked it up curiously. "Is this Blaine's song?"

Kurt nodded with a glint of longing in his eyes. The way he missed Blaine was almost palpable by now.

"It's really good," Burt commented and gave the paper to Carole who read it with tears springing to her eyes. "Oh, it's wonderful," she cleared her throat in an attempt not to start crying. She patted Kurt's hand and he smiled at her with closed lips. He propped his elbows on the table and sipped at the straw of the shake she'd given him.

With a pang in his heart Burt realized that his son was looking more and more haggard each day. And throwing up after drinking alcohol at a party surely wasn't helping to make him get better.

"Uhm, Kurt," Finn spoke up. "I thought we could hang out today. Watch a movie if you want to." When he reached out to touch Kurt's arm his brother cringed away. Burt looked up, immediately on alert. What had provoked this reaction from Kurt? Why would he flinch away from Finn? Burt glanced at his wife and Carole gave him a slight nod, she'd noticed, too.

"No, thanks," Kurt replied to Finn stiffly. "I'm not in the mood to hang out."

"Why not?" Finn exclaimed. "Kurt, this is stupid! You don't need to act all weird now!"

Kurt didn't answer but stared intently into his shake. Burt could tell that his son wanted to give Finn a piece of his mind but held himself back because the parents were present.

"What's wrong with you kids?" Burt asked, watching both boys closely. There was a tension between the boys that hadn't been there before. Usually Burt didn't interfere when the kids were fighting. As long as it wasn't turning serious they should solve their differences on their own. But lately Burt was more sensitive. Anything concerning Kurt – anything _upsetting_ Kurt – was a very serious matter to Burt. He was well aware that his son was very vulnerable right now and he wouldn't allow Finn to give Kurt unnecessary stress.

The boys exchanged glances. Actually, Finn's gaze was like, _let's tell them_, while Kurt gave his step-brother a very intense death glare. "Nothing, Dad," Kurt finally said, still staring at Finn. "We just had a little disagreement earlier, but it's nothing serious."

"But I'm serious about this, Kurt," Finn protested.

"You _can't_ be serious, Finn!"

"But I can't just ignore what happened and go back to normal!"

"Yes, you can and you _will_," Kurt hissed through gritted teeth.

Finn shook his head stubbornly. "I'm gonna tell them," Finn announced and Kurt's eyes widened in horror.

"You don't really wanna discuss this in front of _them_?"

"Yes, if it's the only way to make you see that I'm serious."

"Stop making such a big issue out of this," Kurt pleaded. "You're having a little crush, that's all it is."

"Guys," Burt interrupted them, putting his fork down. "What are you talking about?"

Finn took a deep breath and put both hands on the table, looking at his mother and then at Burt. "I have certain _feelings_... for Kurt..."

Kurt just snorted. "He thinks he's in love with me."

Carole held up her hand. "Wait, _what_?"

"I don't think this is funny," Finn muttered at Kurt. "It's not my fault that I have these feelings..."

"I don't think this is funny, either," Kurt rolled his eyes. "And I swear if you start singing _I can't fight this feeling any longer_, I'm gonna puke all over the table."

"Finn, darling, where does this suddenly come from?" Carole asked carefully and put a hand on her son's arm. She had exchanged a look with her husband who hadn't said anything so far, clearly stunned into silence by this change of events.

"I don't know," Finn shrugged. "It's going on for a few days now and it's growing stronger. I know it sounds weird but I want to stay true to what I feel."

"Which is?" Burt asked, not so friendly.

Finn drew another deep breath. "I'm in love with Kurt."

One of Carole's hands flew to her mouth, the other one on her husband's arm, as if wanting to keep Burt from hurling himself at her son.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Finn?" Kurt said, tired of sounding like a broken record. "You. Are. Not. Gay. Trust me on this. Look, I'm flattered that you seem to have developed a great deal of fondness for me and I admit that my behaviour lately might have added to your confusion. Still my gaydar is very clear about you."

"Why can't I be gay?" Finn countered, crossing his arms across his chest and sounding like a sulking child. "You used to be in love with me, too, remember? You must have seen potential in me back then!"

"I had a crush on you because you were the only guy at school who was nice to me, and there were no gay guys around I could fall for. But I was aware that it was no more than an unrequited crush and I just don't believe that you've been hiding in the closet all of this time." Kurt shook his head and glanced over at their parents with a chuckle. "Not too long ago Finn was worried about me sneaking up on him in the shower, now I'm the one who'd better watch out."

"Please stop joking around, Kurt. I'm telling you my feelings are real!"

"Whatever you think you're feeling for me is irrelevant," Kurt snapped at him. "I'm with Blaine. He's still my boyfriend! And last night was a mistake and Blaine will forgive me for it. He just has to forgive me!"

Burt and Carole had been busy following the dialogue, but now Burt had to interrupt. "Wait up! Last night? What happened between the two of you last night?"

Finn started shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "Uhm..."

"You're the one who wanted to discuss this in front of our parents," Kurt reminded him with a little more intensity than necessary.

"Just because I wanted to show you that I mean it," Finn shot back. "I'm not fooling around and I'm man enough to tell them."

"Tell us _what_?" Burt asked and Carole tightened her grip on his hand.

"It was my fault," Kurt said with a sigh and met his father's eyes. "Well, you know I've been drinking at the party, yeah, I know, I shouldn't have. And I was being flirty with Finn…"

"You were flirting with everybody! I had to keep you from kissing Puckerman…"

"I'd never have kissed Noah Puckerman! We were just joking around!"

Carole reached out to touch her son's arm once more. "Finn, I think Kurt's right. Your emotions are a little mixed up. I'm pretty sure you're not gay." She paused before adding, "Not that it was a problem if you were."

Finn shifted in his seat. "Oh yeah? If I'm not gay then why did I like what happened last night?"

"Hey, we're still in the dark here about what actually happened," Burt spoke up with a sharp edge in his voice. "I'm not even sure I wanna know any details, but just to make one thing clear, it won't happen again!"

"Of course it won't happen again!" Kurt shouted out. "It was a mistake! A huge regrettable mistake!"

"So what happened?" Carole asked cautiously. "You kissed?"

"Yeah, we kissed," Finn admitted and sat up straight and proud, looking at his brother. "And it made me realize how much you really mean to me, Kurt. I don't care about the consequences, I don't regret it!"

At this Kurt began to laugh with bitterness. "Oh, you _will_ regret it once you come back to your senses. And believe me, until then you'd better not shout it from the rooftops! Or would you like to be called _fag_ and _homo_ and _queer_ for the rest of your life?"

"Kurt..." His father cut in gently. "Please calm down."

"One more thing," Kurt leaned forward and pointed at his brother. "Let me tell you something really important about being gay, Finn, just so you can't say later that I didn't warn you. Here's the thing: Most of the time being gay sucks. Big time!"

"I'm aware that it's not easy," Finn admitted with a shrug.

"Not easy," Kurt repeated with another bitter laugh, shaking his head. "You have no idea, Finn! I'm lucky that I have a family that supports me, other gay kids aren't that lucky. Other kids get locked up in some creepy facility." With a choking sob Kurt hunched forward and put his head in his hands. "Oh my God, I can't believe Blaine tried to reach me while I was getting wasted at a party! I am officially the worst boyfriend ever!"

"Kurt, I'm sure Blaine will understand the circumstances..." Carole tried to soothe him.

"Kissing someone else is _cheating_ no matter the circumstances!" Kurt snapped at her. "And I can't believe I made out with Finn of all people!"

"Why is it so bad that it had been me, huh?" Finn muttered, back in sulking mode.

"Because I was in love with you once and Blaine knows that! He'll think I went to you for comfort. Oh, my God, I almost wish it had been Puckerman. At least I could claim he'd come after me." Kurt gestured wildly. "How come all the guys who used to bully me now wanna make out with me anyway?"

Finn looked up at this. "Right, I just remember... what you told me about Karofsky last night? That he kissed you? Is that true?"

"I told you about how Karofsky kissed me? Great! Now I'm not only officially the worst boyfriend ever, I'm also officially dead!"

Carole looked up in confusion. "What's going on with that Karofsky-kid?"

"He's gay and doesn't want anybody to know, that's going on with him!" Kurt rubbed his temples with a groan. "Let's make a public announcement, shall we? David Karofsky is free to kill off Kurt Hummel for spilling the beans!"

"I'm not gonna tell anyone, I swear," Finn declared, holding his hands up. "So please, stop freaking out."

"I'm freaking out as much as I want to, thank you very much!"

Just then Kurt's phone buzzed on the table and they all startled at the sudden sound. Kurt checked the caller ID and sighed. "Great. It's Rachel. You wanna tell her what's going on, Finn?"

"Uhm..." Finn stared at the phone as if it was going to eat him.

"Yeah, I didn't think so." Kurt looked at his parents. "Give me one second to tell Rachel that I'll call her back later. Then we can continue our _lovely chat_." He answered the call with a sigh. "Hi Rachel, can we..."

A deafening incomprehensible scream out of the receiver shocked them all and Kurt held his phone at arm's length away.

"KURT IT'S A VIDEO MESSAGE FROM BLAINE OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WAS ON MY ACCOUNT ALL THIS TIME IT'S THIS AMAZING SONG MESSAGE AND HE'S PLAYING GUITAR YOU GOTTA LOG IN RIGHT NOW YOU'LL DROP DEAD KURT I CAN'T OMG I CAN'T I CAN'T BREATHE!"

"Rachel? I didn't understand one word..."

There were two male voices in the background and then someone mercifully took the phone away from her. "Kurt? It's Hiram Berry."

"Hi Mr Berry. What's going on with Rachel?"

"Well, apparently she's very enthusiastic about a music video she's just watched. Granted, the singer's quite cute and very talented with the guitar but I don't understand her excitement. She's never been the type to freak out about an indie artist before and..."

"It's Blaine!" Rachel got the control of her phone and her voice back, although her voice was still shaking. "I received a video song message from Blaine for you! And it's been in my in-box since Thursday! And you gotta watch it! It's wonderful, Kurt, it's more than that, it's perfect, it's heartbreaking and so unbelieveable touching. You'll drop dead. I'm dead. You're talking to a dead person right now!"

Kurt just sat there, motionless, grasping this phone so tight his knuckles whitened.

Carole gently pried the phone out of Kurt's hand and put it on speaker.

"Rachel, sweetheart, it's Carole. I'm afraid Kurt's not very receptive today. He's in a state of shock about some news he got earlier today and whatever you're trying to tell him..."

"I just told him I have a song message from Blaine on my youtube account and he needs to watch it!"

"Oh, my God!" Carole exclaimed and exchanged glances with her husband and son.

"I'll get your laptop," Finn jumped to his feet and hurried upstairs.

"Kurt?" Burt shifted closer with his chair and put an arm around his son's shoulder. "This is good news, right? C'mon, breathe, buddy, keep breathing."

Kurt let out a deep, shuddering breath.

"I'm gonna log out now so Kurt can log in, okay? Does he still know my password?" Rachel's voice floated through the kitchen.

"Broadway superstar," Kurt whispered with tears welling in his eyes again. He leaned heavy against his father and buried his face into the flannel shirt. "This is too much."

Burt just closed his arms around him and held him.

* * *

><p>"Thank you dads! You're the best dads in the universe!" Rachel kissed both her dads who'd come home early on Sunday and had been met by a pleading daughter who needed her computer fixed <em>right now<em> and was fluttering her eyelashes adorably, _pretty pretty please!_

Now Rachel happily settled in front of her computer to see what she'd missed the past few days. She had her legs tugged under, wearing her favorite pink pajamas and her hair tamed back in a ponytail and a headband. She rubbed her hands together and checked her e-mails and messages on facebook first before going to her youtube account.

She was happy that Kurt had deleted his Total Eclipse video, because it was definitely not his best performance. Not only was his voice so awfully teary and husky, the whole clip and atmosphere of the clip had crept her out.

She noticed a private message and sighed in frustration. Most messages she received were insults by the Cheerleaders who watched her clips and commented them in a mean way. But this was a message from someone called Gabriel O'Brien. In a brief hope that this guy was a talent searcher and wrote her to tell her how incredible awesome she was, Rachel opened the message just to find it empty.

However, there was a clip attached.

Should she watch it? What if it was some kind of pervert video? She'd received one of those from Jacob Ben Israel the other day and had regretted looking at it for weeks. However, her curiosity won over and she clicked to play the video but kept her eyes shut tightly and just listened to the sound of it in case it was porn.

The video started with the sound of someone playing guitar which was surprising but nice. Perhaps Sam or Puckerman wanted her to check out their latest attempts at song writing to give them an honest and direct opinion. Still, she didn't look up. It could also be a pervert like Jacob all naked hugging his guitar.

But then a male voice started singing...

Wait a second! Oh, my God, Rachel knew that voice!

Finally she dared to peek by opening just one eye. What she saw on her screen made her draw a deep breath, hold it for a second and then started full out screaming. "OH MY GOD IT'S BLAINE OH MY GOD THIS CAN'T BE IT'S BLAINE I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS AND IT'S IN MY IN-BOX SINCE THURSDAY KURT'S GONNA KILL ME!"

Her dads came storming into her room with worried expressions. "Rachel, darling, what's going on? Are you hurt? Oh no, is it another perv who sent you a disgusting video?"

With shaking hands Rachel grabbed her phone and dialed Kurt's number. Sobbing and hicoughing and crying she shouted into the phone.

* * *

><p>Kurt didn't cry as much as he thought he would. Well, he couldn't allow his eyes to be all teary and blur his vision when he wanted to watch a song video made by his boyfriend, could he? And the video was all that Rachel had claimed it to be, amazing, heartbreaking, definitely killing him. Especially when there were tears running down Blaine's face in the end of the song and he had to stop singing because his throat constricted and he had to gasp for air and...<p>

Kurt just couldn't.

Blaine had gotten thinner, but he looked healthy. His hair was like Kurt had never seen it before, without gel and untamed. He looked a lot like his younger brother this way. The video was filmed in a bright white room, apparently Blaine's bedroom in the facility. Whoever made the video, whoever this Gabriel O'Brien was, Kurt made a mental note to hug the guy if he ever met him.

His parents shared his excitement. Well, Carole shared the shameless crying part and Burt the close observation part. "Kid looks alright, though," Burt had murmured next to him. "He's strong, he's not gonna let them get him down." They had shared his excitement for about fifteen minutes and then moved on to do whatever they did on a Sunday. Finn had lingered around for a while but then retreated somewhere Kurt didn't care.

Kurt stayed in front of his laptop hitting the repeat button forever and kept murmuring to himself, _I'm lost without you, too, baby! _

Of course it didn't take long and he was on the phone with Rachel again. He totally freaked out when Rachel pointed out that Blaine wore a golden bracelet around his wrist. "It looks just like yours," she told him. "If you zoom in you'll see it even has the _Klaine_ tag on it!"

It was unbelieveable how much there was to discover in a four minutes video clip. Kurt and Rachel were gushing about it for almost two hours on the phone.

Kurt had also called Reed and Wesley and told them about the video as well, but he didn't pass in on to them. "Not that I didn't trust you, but if this gets seen by the wrong people Blaine can get into so much trouble and won't be able to make more!" Kurt was dearly hoping there would be more videos of his boyfriend. Which gave him an idea...

"Rachel! Can I come over to make another video message for Blaine?"

"Come on over right now if you want to," she replied happily. "Oh, I have so many song ideas for you! You could do the one from RENT... or wait, no, it _has_ to be from Les Miserables and..."

"Actually, I already have a song in mind," Kurt interrupted her. "The thing is I don't want Blaine to see me all pathetic and weak like in the last few clips. I want to show him that I'm strong and confident and optimistic."

"Okay, alright, I totally agree with you and again there's a long playlist in my head for you, and oh my God, we need to go through all of them and find the perfect one and..."

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, Rachel, but like I said, I already have a song. It's from one of Blaine's favorite singers and... okay, wait, I send you a link to the music clip." Kurt waited impatiently until Rachel finished watching the music clip. He just knew she'd decline his choice. She'd think it was way too cheesy and she'd beg him to do another number and...

There was sobbing on the other end of the line and Kurt pressed the receiver to his ear. "Rachel, you still there? How do you like the song?"

Rachel cleared her throat and answered with a tremble in her voice. "It's perfect, Kurt. No objections. You gotta do it."

Considering that he had a house full of Reed's clothes to choose from, it surprisingly took Kurt only one hour to pick an outfit (and a bunch of extra clothes in case he wanted to change at Rachel's) and style his hair. He was going to make an optimistic – we'll be happy together again soon – video and he wanted to look good in it and not all puffy eyed and miserable.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Burt blocked the door when Kurt hurried towards it, his car keys jingling in his right hand, his clothes bag over his left arm. "To Rachel's," Kurt replied somehow wary. "We're gonna make another video clip for Blaine." In his mind he already practiced his 'You HAVE to let me go, you CAN'T tell me no!' speech, but he didn't need it.

Burt held out his hand for the keys. "I'm driving."

* * *

><p><strong>Hello my dear and faithful readers! :)<strong>

**Today (May, 13) is exactly ONE YEAR since I posted the very first chapter of No Regrets! Can you believe it? I certainly can't! I hope it won't take me another year to finish this. ;) But I'm actually quite good at neverending stories and the day I put a COMPLETE on this one I know for sure I'll bawl my eyes out. **

**I wanna say thank you to all of you for your support and love for this story! I appreciate every review and all your alerts and favorites make me very happy. If it wasn't for all of you, writing this would only be half the fun. You know how much I love writing this story and I still have a lot of ideas in store, so I hope you'll stick with me for a while longer! **

**Please check out my other stories as well and let me know how you like them! My crazy brain's already working on new stories as well, so watch out for those, too. I found that my writing's best when I work at more than one project at the same time. Also I feel very inspired right now! In case you're wondering, I do work, haha. I have a full time job and spend all my freetime working on my stories. Perhaps I should get out more often. But then again I'd miss this too much. **

* * *

><p><strong>Next up is another Blaine chapter! We'll get to hear some of Gabriel's story. And Blaine has to endure yet another treatment which hopefully will be the last one before his father finally shows up. <strong>

**Btw, in case anybody's wondering about the mentioned phone conversation between Wesley and Kurt on Friday... no, you didn't miss out on it. It's gonna be up in some kind of 'flashback' in one of the next chapters. ;)**

**Take care and lots of love to all of you! Thanks for reading! **

**And keep the reviews coming my way, please! :***


	35. Trust

**Hi everyone! As requested I'm going to put a summary up at the beginning of each new chapter, so it's easier for you to follow the plot. ;)**

**Last chapters of No Regrets: **

**Kurt's still recovering from missing Blaine's call. Also he tries to deal with Finn's crush on him. He went over to Rachel's to record another music video for Blaine. **

**Blaine's still stuck in the questionable mental facility in Los Angeles. It's Sunday late afternoon and Gabriel's with him. He's supposed to pick Blaine up for another treatment. **

* * *

><p><strong>Trust<strong>

After they had spent more than two hours rehearsing and shooting the perfect song video Rachel drove Kurt back home. It was still early afternoon but Kurt claimed to be exhausted. "Thanks for the ride, Rachel, and thanks for helping me with the song."

"You're welcome." Rachel turned to face him, biting her lips with a look of concern displayed on her face. "Kurt, can I ask you something? It's about Finn."

"Of course." Kurt let go of the doorhandle and prepared for the worst.

"Have you noticed some different about Finn?"

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked, trying to sound casual when inside he was actually panicking.

"I'm not sure. He seems strange lately. Distant. I get it that he's worried about you, everyone is. I just wish he would let me be there for him. I'm his girlfriend after all."

Kurt bit his lower lip hard. He couldn't tell her about the kiss he'd share with Finn and how Finn was convinced that he was in love with him. He remembered telling Rachel once that she would be dating a lot of conflicted men in her life. Never would he have thought that Finn would be one of them.

"Don't worry about him, Rachel," Kurt patted her hand assuringly. "He'll come around. Just be there for him tonight, okay?"

Rachel smiled at him, but couldn't hide the worry shining in her eyes.

"I'm home," Kurt called out when he entered the house.

"How'd it go?" Burt looked at him over the back of the couch where he was sitting with Carole.

"Fine," Kurt answered and managed a little smile. "And exhausting. Rachel's merciless when she's determined to produce the perfect video. I'm going to head upstairs and lie down."

On his way to his room, Kurt knocked on Finn's door and stuck his head in. Finn was sitting on the floor playing a video game, but paused when he saw Kurt standing in the door. "Hey there! Come in!"

Kurt closed the door behind him and leaned against it, not willing to step further into the room. He stared down at Finn who sat on the carpet looking up at him.

"I told Rachel and her dads that you want to come over for dinner tonight. Also, I told her dads that you want to have a heart to heart with both of them concerning your intentions towards Rachel..."

"You did _what_?" Finn dropped his controller.

"Hiram and Leroy are very excited to talk to you and..."

"Wait up! Hiram and Leroy?" Finn squinted his eyes. "You're already _friends_ with them?"

"Yes," Kurt stated simply and rested his elbow on the arm that was wrapped around his middle.

"Hiram's the tall handsome one with glasses, Leroy's the charming curly head. Don't confuse them, that'd be very rude. I also told them that you were very uncomfortable around gay people and that although you've grown accustomed to me you were very nervous around them. They promised me to take you under their wing and tell you some juicy stories about their life and about what it's like being gay."

"Kurt!" Finn stared up at his brother in pure horror upon this betrayal.

"I told them you were especially interested in how the sex thing works with two men and they said they'd love to educate you on this specific matter."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Finn sounded truly hurt.

"Because I want my brother back," Kurt replied with a shudder in his voice and he folded both arms around his middle to hold himself together. "You helped me so much getting through the past weeks, Finn. Whenever I felt panicky you'd calm me down and I... look, it's not over yet and I can't do this without you."

"But I'm right here," Finn got to his feet and looked at Kurt with the most sincere and yet confused expression on his face.

"I need to be able to _trust_ you!" Kurt clarified.

"You can trust me! I'll always have your back, Kurt. I'm just… Kurt, please."

Kurt didn't know what Finn was asking for and he didn't want to hear it. Kurt placed his hand on the door handle and said dryly, "They're expecting you at seven. Be on time."

He jerked the door open but before he made it out of the room, Finn was there with his arms wrapped around him from behind. "Wait! Let's talk about this."

A panic boiled up inside of Kurt and he felt trapped. "Let go of me..."

"I don't want it to be like this between us," Finn begged and squeezed the smaller boy to his chest. "It doesn't have to be this awkward!"

"It's your own fault," Kurt was struggling against Finn's grip. "Let me go! Now!"

"How is it my fault when I just..."

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!"

Burt was yelling, startling both boys and Finn opened his arms and stepped back, causing Kurt to lose balance and almost fall to the ground. Burt caught his son and steadied him, both hands firm on Kurt's upper arms.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I just hugged him..." Finn stuttered, shocked by his step-father's outburst.

"Carole, can you please help Kurt get upstairs?" Burt said as calm as he was able to. "I'm gonna have a talk with Finn."

Kurt surrendered to Carole's hands. Burt could be scary when he was angry and Kurt could tell his father was furious right now. But Kurt was too exhausted to worry about Finn.

"I'll just lay down," Kurt said when he arrived in his room and Carole followed him in.

"Kurt, I'm sure Finn doesn't mean to harm you in any way..."

"I know," Kurt assured her. "I know, he's just overwhelmed by his feelings. I bet our good ol' Finn will be back in no time. He just needs to snap out of it." Kurt kept his fingers crossed that talking to the Berry men would be just the snap Finn needed to get the romantic idea of being in love with another guy out his head.

Carole smiled at him, thankful for the fact that Kurt didn't hold a grudge against Finn. "I'll tell him to leave you alone for the time being."

"I guess Dad's just doing that now. You might wanna go and make sure Finn's still in one piece when Dad's finished with him."

"Right." A dread flashed over Carole's features and she closed the door and hurried back downstairs to keep her husband from killing her son.

Kurt slumped into his bed and hugged his pillow.

He was aware that Finn meant no harm but sometimes dealing with someone's good intentions could be almost as hard to handle as being confronted with outright meanness.

He lay down on his back and thought about putting some music on, but he was too tired to move and too numb to care. So he just lay there staring at the ceiling.

The only feeling he allowed himself to drown in was imagining the disappointment he would feel if he'd finally had the chance to talk to Blaine and then get someone else on the phone. Blaine had needed him!

A ten minute phone call.

Blaine had finally found a way to call and he hadn't even been available. Yeah right, he shouldn't feel guilty about missing this call. But he was. He was guilty as hell because all he'd cared about last night was finding distraction from it all. Getting Blaine out of his head. That was the only reason why he had missed his call.

Kurt clutched his phone to his heart and his breathing changed into a panicked shudder. "Out of my head, but never out of my heart," he whispered and wiped at the sudden tears in his eyes. "Never ever would I abandon you from my heart."

The naked truth was that he had let Blaine down. When Blaine had been trying to reach out for him he had been impossible to reach. Kurt could feel the same pain and disappointment Blaine must be feeling right now.

Blaine was locked away in some scary place and still he managed to get messages and a video all the way over to Kurt. He didn't even want to think about what trouble Blaine had gone through to get his hands on a phone to call him.

And what was he doing to reach out for Blaine?

All he could do was another stupid video message? That's it? That's all he could do for Blaine? There had to be something else he could do to prove to Blaine that all he cared about was to be with him again.

Kurt had tried to make an optimistic video for Blaine, but that was hard to do when he didn't feel optimistic at all. Rachel had stepped in and helped him sing the high notes that he still couldn't produce and after pushing his voice for almost two hours, his chest hurt and he could feel all his bones in his rib cage. He wasn't sure if he'd managed to show a hopeful face but he hoped that the message would come across that he'd do whatever it takes to get Blaine back.

Rachel had been ecstatic all day long and wouldn't stop telling him how much of a good sign it was that Blaine had send a video. He didn't want to ruin her euphoria by telling her that watching Blaine's _Lost without you_ video had scared the hell out of him.

Seeing Blaine in that room, wearing those awful clothes and with his hair all undone... it had made all of it real. It had struck Kurt that all of this was really happening. His boyfriend was really locked away somewhere someplace without a chance to get free on his own.

Despite Burt's attempt to cheer him up by claiming that Blaine had sounded _much like himself _when he called, Kurt didn't believe for one second that Blaine _hadn't_ changed somehow. There was no way Blaine could go through all this without letting it get to him in one way or another. For instance, he'd never be able to trust his parents again. That was something that was hard to take. How would Blaine go on from this point, knowing that his family had become his number one enemy?

Kurt smoothed the paper out which had been in his pocket all day long and read Blaine's song lyrics over again and again. With all the crap Blaine was going through he was still thinking of Kurt and made sure to send him _courage_ in the shape of a song. It made Kurt happy and miserable at the same time.

With both his phones in reach he closed his eyes and let tiredness overwhelm him.

* * *

><p>"So, tell me, Gabriel. Where have you been?"<p>

Blaine was sitting on the floor in front of the blonde guy, hugging his knees and watching him curiously. Because seriously? Talking to Gabriel was the only distraction in this sickening place.

"Home." Gabriel shrugged like it was nothing worth talking about. "I've been sick."

"Oh," Blaine narrowed his eyes into slits. He didn't know what he'd expected but it definitely wasn't this. "Uhm, I hope you're better now?"

"Thanks." Gabriel raked a hand through his hair, messing it up even more, not caring that he losened strains from his ponytail. "I've survived three years so far. I guess that's something."

"It's nothing contagious, is it?" Blaine asked, clearly puzzled, and blew a few curls of his own hair out of his eyes.

Gabriel shook his head, a sad grin spreading on his face. "Sometimes I think too much about... about certain stuff and the more I think about it the more it starts dragging me down, it's like a vicious cycle, you know. Up to a point where I'm getting so depressed that I can't even move a limb and getting out of bed is too much already. Sometimes... I just can't get myself to face another day."

Blaine's eyes filled with honest concern. He was surprised that the young man was willing to share this with him. Most of the time he didn't have a clue about what was going on in Gabriel's head and there he was, sharing his most private vulnerability. It made Blaine wonder if he didn't have anyone else to talk to or if he only felt safe telling him because he was just some boy locked-up in a facility and it was unlikely that they'd ever meet again once Blaine got out of here.

He knew what Gabriel was talking about. Not by personal experience, but Blaine's mother used to have depressions and there had been times when she couldn't get herself to do anything. She'd stay in bed for days and when she finally got up she'd drown her misery in alcohol. Blaine hoped that she was happier now living in Los Angeles with her new boyfriend. But he knew that depression was a serious matter.

"There's no other reason for staying in bed than being lazy," Blaine said with a small laugh, trying to brighten up the mood. "At least that's what my dad used to tell my brother and me when we pretended to feel sick so we wouldn't have to go to school."

Gabriel let out a short laugh. "Wanna know another good reason for staying in bed all day long?" He winked cheekily at Blaine. "If you get to stay in bed with the person you're gonna have amazing mind-blowing sex with."

Blaine responded with a wide grin. As long as Gabriel could still make inappropriate jokes he was alright. However, Blaine could tell that Gabriel was tired. He dug the palms of his hands into his eyes and rubbed hard. Altough he claimed to have spent the past days in bed he looked like an insomniac.

"You'd feel better if you told everyone that you're gay," Blaine advised smugly. "It's never good to lead a double life. Also, quit working at this place. It'd depress the hell outta me, too, if I had to work here."

Gabriel chuckled softly. "That's what you think of me? That I hide away my sexuality?"

"Well, you said you dated a girl and I guess no one here knows that you're gay. I get that you'd lose your job if you told but it doesn't seem to be the most regrettable thing…"

"They _know_, smartass." Gabriel arched his eyebrows at him. "You think Dr. Nolan cares if I'm gay? Nobody in here gives a damn. As long as I'm not a patient with money or wealthy parents, they couldn't care less about me. You see, the doctors in here aren't homophobic assholes in general. They just _fix_ what you pay them to fix." He put quotation marks around the word _fix_ with his fingers.

Blaine was stunned for a moment. "But what about your girlfriend?"

"Which one?" Gabriel smirked at him.

Blaine just raised one eyebrow.

"Believe me or not, I'm not dating girls to cover up the fact that I'm gay."

"Then why do you date girls? It doesn't make any sense."

"I don't actually go around looking for a girlfriend, but sometimes when I'm surfing at the beach they'd come to me and chat me up."

Blaine caught himself picturing the blond slender guy in a body tight surfing suit beating the waves. He could imagine just too well that Gabriel would attract a lot of girls – and guys for that matter. "And then you're leading them on?"

"Yeah, I mean if girls are good for anything it's for distraction. I'm not asking for a girlfriend, but every now and then there's one clinging to me, claiming me to be hers and I go along."

"It's not fair to fool around with someone if you don't love them," Blaine insisted, feeling kind of offended by the fact that Gabriel seemed to tell him otherwise. It annoyed him that the man chuckled at his words.

"You're seventeen, Wildcat. What makes you an expert in this love stuff?"

"I'm not saying I'm an expert. But I know that love can be so intense that it feels like it's tearing you apart and at the same time it's the only thing that keeps you together and keeps you holding on." Blaine closed his eyes, instantly seeing Kurt's face behind closed lids, and let out a long shuddering breath. "Besides, I'm gonna be eighteen next week."

Gabriel let out a humorless laugh. "Look, making out with girls doesn't mean a thing to me and the girls know that. I'm always telling them that I'm not interested in a relationship. If they still hang around that's fine with me as long as they don't start yelling at me for being an insensitive douche. I mean, duh!"

"I just don't get why you wouldn't date guys," Blaine pointed out. "Are you gay or what?"

"Hey there Mr. Curious!" Gabriel started laughing that resigned kind of laughter. "I don't remember needing to justify the way I live my life to you. God, you sound just like my brother!"

"I'm sorry," Blaine mumbled. He let go of his knees and shifted into a cross-legged position, tugging at a lint on the seam of his smurf blue trousers.

Gabriel let out an exasperate sigh and then elaborated. "I date girls because I don't _want_ a boyfriend. I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not. I just... I don't give a damn about who I am."

"That's a shame because you're a great guy," Blaine said, chewing away on his bottom lip.

Gabriel laughed at that and wrapped his arms around his head, hiding his face away. "No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are," Blaine replied. "Granted, you're a complete jerk at times, but most of the time you're fun to hang out with. I appreciate everything you're doing for me. I only realized the extent of it in the past few days and... well, I really missed seeing you. I was worried about you."

"Oh, Damy, you're such a sweetheart," Gabriel muttered from underneath his arms. "Always flattering me when I least deserve it."

Blaine puckered his lips and tilted his head, debating with himself for a moment before asking, "Who's Damy?"

Gabriel let his arms drop to his sides and opened his eyes again but didn't look at Blaine. Instead he had a lost expression on his face.

"It was hard for me to come back here today. I thought it was better for me not to see you anymore." Gabriel finally admitted and slowly shook his head. "Being around you isn't easy for me. I needed to put some distance between us. But then I started feeling guilty for leaving you under someone else's care. I realized that you're not my problem."

"The problem is who I remind you of?" Blaine asked gently. "Your ex-boyfriend?"

Gabriel tilted his head back until it rested against the wall, his Adam's apple bobbed up and down when he gulped, still avoiding Blaine's gaze.

"My brother's been trying to convince me to quit this job for years now. But I can't leave this place. Sometimes I'm telling myself it's okay to let go now, and I start applying for other jobs, but then again I feel like I'm letting him down all over again and I just know I can't leave."

"Him? Your ex-boyfriend?" Blaine urged once more. "If you miss him that much why don't you go and talk to him? Let him know how you still feel about him?"

Gabriel closed his eyes and let out a huff. "I talk to him every day."

"Really?" With a sudden realization Blaine's eyes expanded in horror. "Oh, my God, he's not in _here_, is he?"

Gabriel wiped his hand beneath his eyes, trying to collect himself. "No, he's not. But he was."

Blaine stared at him, clasping his hands around the ankles of his feet tightly. "As an orderly or a patient?"

Gabriel went silent for a while and Blaine didn't expect him to answer. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so nosy and..."

"He was a patient," Gabriel cut in, his voice no more than a whisper. "For almost five months."

"Oh, my God," Blaine murmured in a terrified whisper. "Five months? They haven't succeeded in turning him straight, have they? Or have they erased his memories and he forgot about you?"

Gabriel shook his head no.

"So he got out of here? That's good, right?" Blaine tried to solve the puzzle. "But why won't you go see him? Does he have a new boyfriend?"

"I'm sorry you had to meet Jenny," Gabriel said hoarsely, ignoring Blaine's question. "If I'd known you were going to meet her I'd talked to her beforehand. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you the past two days."

Blaine listened up. Gabriel looked like he was about to burst into tears, he was all pale and worn out. What should he do if the man really started crying?

"So you're staying in this place to help people?" Blaine asked, trying to distract Gabriel. "That's very noble."

"No." Gabriel let out a bitter laugh. "I suck at helping people. All I do is mess up their lives. That's why I always keep a distance."

"You're not keeping a distance to me," Blaine objected.

"Well, you're too hot to ignore," Gabriel replied with a hint of his sassy self.

"No, really, what is it about me?" Blaine asked with a chuckle. "You like me just because I remind you of your ex?"

"Damian," Gabriel spoke the name softly, almost in a cherishing way that made it clear how much he still loved him. "Damian Fernando. You look a lot like him with your dark curls and dreamy hazel eyes. That's why I hated you at first. I couldn't stand looking at you, but then I couldn't look away either. Sometimes I wished so bad that you were him, but then again I'm glad you're nothing like him. Your personality is quite different." He paused before he added, "You're stronger. At least I hope so."

Finally Gabriel turned to look at Blaine again, a sad smile playing at the corners of his mouth and he reached out with one hand and let his fingers softly run along Blaine's forearm. "You don't know what you're doing to me when you say things like, _Don't leave_. You make me feel something again that I haven't felt for a long time. Something I don't _want_ to feel and definitely shouldn't feel for someone who is so devotedly attached to someone else."

He drew his hand back and rested his arms on the top of his knees again, raking one hand through his messy hair once more. "It's the spark in your eyes that's still there even after all these weeks. It's the way you keep on fighting back and not giving in to the easy way out. I'm sorry I kissed you the other day. And I'm sorry that I wanna do it again."

"Gabriel, you shouldn't give up on Damian," Blaine said slowly. "If you still feel so strongly about him, you should take on every risk to go and see him. Don't spend your time distracting yourself with girls and shutting down your heart to the possibility of meeting some new guy. I know I'm young and stuff, but if you love someone with all your heart that's something you have to treasure. I know for sure I will never give up on Kurt."

"Ah yes, Kurt," Gabriel smiled sadly again. "You know I was lying in my bed feeling sorry for myself and telling the fly on my wall that I wouldn't come back to this place this time for real. I was about to abandon you, Wildcat, and let you fight on your own. But then… well, actually, I wouldn't have come back today if it wasn't for your boyfriend."

"You talked to Kurt?" Blaine sat up excitedly. But Gabriel shook his head, no. He checked his watch and rose to his feet. "Come on, buddy, we gotta go."

"No, wait! What do you mean you weren't here today if it wasn't for Kurt?"

"You'll see, I promise."

* * *

><p>Blaine followed Gabriel down the hallway and into the elevator, and again down another hallway. It was a part of the building they'd never been before. Exploring new grounds always made Blaine feel queasy. He resisted bombarding his guide with questions because he knew Gabriel wouldn't answer them. He drew confidence from the fact that Gabriel trusted him enough to let him walk on his own without keeping a firm grip on his arm or even putting him into a straight jacket like one of the orderlies had threatened him yesterday after he'd attacked them.<p>

Gabriel stopped in front of a door, opened it and motioned for Blaine to step inside. It was a small room with a big screen opposite of the door. Blaine entered anxiously and walked slowly around the weird chair that was placed in the middle of the room and reminded him of...

"Oh, God! No!"

The moment Blaine realized what kind of torture this room served for he turned around and tried the door but there was no handle. The door would only open up if a card was inserted. He turned to Gabriel who had positioned himself next to the screen.

Blaine just knew the picture show in Dr. Nolan's office was nothing compared to what this room was capable of. "What is this about, Gabriel? What're you gonna do to me?"

"Your father decided it was about time to tighten up your treatment." Gabriel was watching Blaine from where he stood with his arms crossed across his chest. "This is step one of what Dr. Nolan likes to call the _ultimate brainwash_."

"No, no, please! Let me out, you gotta let me out!" Blaine started to pace the room like a caged tiger and patted the walls with his hands. There had to be another door, a secret window, a way out.

"You'll be strapped on this chair," Gabriel went on and leaned casually back against the counter. "See the head device? There are headphones which blast a really nasty high pitched techno shit right into your brain, and there are brackets that are supposed to stretch your eyelids, so you won't be able to close your eyes and look away. But if you promise to be good we won't use them. You'll be shown five pictures per second for three hours. After a couple of days of this treatment your brain will be totally mushed." Gabriel made a kneading move with his hands.

"No, please, you can't do this to me!"

"This treatment has to be specially requested," Gabriel explained all business-like. "As you can imagine it's the worst treatment this building has to offer and I assure you Dr. Nolan is all excited and probably wetting his pants right now because he doesn't get to use it very often."

Blaine felt like crying. How could his own father be willing to turn him into some vegetable just because Blaine wasn't willing to change? How could Gabriel just turn on him? Wasn't he just apologizing for not helping him out? Didn't he say that somehow Kurt made him want to come back to help him? Kurt, oh god, Kurt! Would they make him simply forget about Kurt? His heart broke into a million of pieces at the idea that this could keep them from being together ever again. Kurt would surely have to move on if Blaine didn't even know his own name any more. He'd rather pretend for the rest of his life that he was straight than forget everything about Kurt. Pretending…

"How about we just pretend we did this?" Blaine approached Gabriel with a last desperate move. "You can tell everyone you've put me in here and I act like I'm all mushy in my head."

Gabriel looked defeated and brushed a stray curl behind one ear. "Look up over my head, see the camera? It's the only one in the room and it's pointed directly to the chair to be able to watch you squirm." Gabriel motioned for a camera in the corner over his head behind him. "I bet ten bucks that Dr. Nolan is cleaning his glasses right now and leaning closer to the monitor, eager not to miss one second of your torture. He's quite a predictable ass."

"Why do you play by his rules then? Why didn't you talk my father out of it? Why are you doing this to me? I thought we were friends! I thought you liked me! You can't do this to me!" Blaine's yelling grew more and more desperate, he moved around the room restlessly, always keeping a wide berth around the torture chair.

"Please, can't you tell my dad that I'll do whatever he wants me to do? Just stop this madness! Don't take my memories. Don't turn my brain into a big pile of mush. I don't want to forget my life."

"I'm gonna have to strap you to this chair now," Gabriel walked slowly towards the scared boy with his hands raised like one would approach a wild animal.

"No!" Blaine backed to the wall. "You gotta help me, Gabriel. Please!"

"Listen, if I can't get you to sit in that chair they expect me to push a button on the intercom and summon two big guys who will make you sit down." Gabriel tried to catch Blaine's gaze, but Blaine shook his head wildly, moving away from him.

"Look at me," Gabriel spoke softly. "Blaine, please, look at me."

Blaine stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around, baffled. It was the first time Gabriel had ever used his real name.

Gabriel tilted his head, his brown eyes holding Blaine's gaze. "I promise you it'll be okay. Dr. Nolan just wants to see your face and probably jerk off to the fact that you're suffering while he's getting more money out of it. Well, I can tell you that what you're about to see will quicken your heartbeat but not the way Dr. Nolan expects."

Blaine slowly shook his head, a puzzled expression on his features. "I don't understand..."

"I told you I was gonna show you what brought me back today, alright?" There was a painful look on Gabriel's face and such honest worry in his eyes that Blaine had to look away.

"Trust me, Blaine," Gabriel whispered now. "Do you trust me?"

"I want to." Blaine's voice broke.

"Then please sit down. I will have to strap you, but I won't fasten the straps very tight, okay?"

Slowly Blaine approached the chair and eyed it up anxiously. It scared the hell out of him. He looked up at Gabriel again and decided to trust him. So far the young man had done nothing but help him, even though at times he'd been a dick about it.

He sat down on the seat that smelled a combination of leather and sweat and fear, and clutched at the armrests, allowing Gabriel to strap him as well as putting a pulse monitor on his wrist. "This is to check your heart rate. Now I have to adjust the headpiece." Gabriel gently pushed Blaine's shoulders back until he was seated square into the chair, his head resting against the mold of the headpiece, another strap around his forehead making sure he stayed this way. He placed a row of knobs along Blaine's forehead and temples until he was all wired to the EEG waves measurement device behind the chair. "This is just so Dr. Nolan can read your brain activity. I suggest you think _fuck you asshole_ repeatedly, I bet it would make a nice pattern on his print out."

Despite his fear Blaine had to chuckle at this, and Gabriel grinned down at him like they were partners in crime. "Relax, nothing's gonna happen to you, Wildcat."

Then Gabriel put the headphones over Blaine's ears and instantly all sound was gone, replaced by a static buzz. Gabriel turned away and walked over to the device next to the screen, apparently to start the show.

Blaine's breathing quickened and he started to regret his easy trust. He'd been tricked. Any second now the horrible picture show would start. This was all part of the plan. To make him trust in Gabriel and then be brainwashed to be whatever his father wanted him to be.

Blaine called out to the man to stop it and get him off that chair again; he felt his mouth move and the breath leave his lungs but he didn't hear himself shout out.

Instead the room went pitch dark and there was a deafening rustling sound coming from the headphones. It was a strange sound, like someone was fumbling with a microphone. Then a picture flickered up onscreen and Blaine's eyes widened.

It showed a pink sparkly microphone on a stage.

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter is dedicated to <em>normallyweirdm<em> because girl, you amaze me! Thanks for all your help and enthusiasm with this story! :***

**Besides, Blaine will be out there soon! I know I know I'm saying that for the last ten chapters already! Have patience with me. **

**Reviews and thoughts are welcome! :)**


	36. Whatever It Takes

**Whatever It Takes**

Of course Blaine recognized the pink sparkly microphone and the stage at once. The cheerful female voice in the background only confirmed it. What he saw on the big screen was the Oscar room in Rachel Berry's basement.

Blaine had to keep himself from grinning like an idiot. This had to be a new video message from Kurt. And since Gabriel had his phone confiscated this was the only way he could make Blaine watch it. Oh, he wanted to jump up and hug Gabriel, but hell yeah, he was strapped to a chair and didn't mind at all.

"Come on, Kurt, just one more time!" Rachel's pleading voice.

Blaine noticed that there was a date in the right corner of the screen and it showed today's date. This had only been recorded today!

"I'm gonna be hoarse tonight, Rach." Kurt's tired voice from somewhere behind the camera.

Blaine's excitement grew. He wanted to see Kurt! _Please step in front of the camera, baby_, he begged in his head. It was an eager Rachel Berry who came into view first, her long dark hair flowing over her shoulders, her hands folded in plea. "Please, Kurt, pretty please! I have a brilliant idea to make your performance better!"

"We already have like twenty different arrangements of the song, Rachel," Kurt reminded her. "I appreciate your effort to make this perfect, but I really just wanna tell Blaine how I feel and it has to come naturally."

"I know, I know," Rachel launched forward, grasping Kurt's hands and pulling him onstage with her. "And I have just the perfect idea!"

For a moment Blaine forgot to breathe. Gosh, Kurt was so beautiful. He was wearing a white shirt and a black vest, he fumbled absent-mindedly with the accurate knot of his turquoise light scarf and sat down on the barstool in the middle of the stage. Rachel stood on tiptoes in front of him to pick at his hair until Kurt ushered her away. "I'm fine, Rachel, stop fussing with my hair. So what's your idea?"

"The problem is that you need an actual audience," Rachel explained to him. "You're concentrating too hard on picturing singing this to Blaine in your head."

"This is meant to be for Blaine," Kurt protested weakly.

"Of course it is. I'm just saying that your singing would be better if there were people around to watch you. Wait a sec, I'm gonna get my dads downstairs."

Kurt nodded in defeat and the moment she left the room he sagged on his chair. He rubbed his face tiredly and once more Blaine got worried about the fact that Kurt had lost so much weight over the past few weeks.

The moment two loud male voices approached Kurt's head jerked back up, a smile ready on his lips. One of Rachel's dad's came into view, half-hugging Kurt and complimenting him on his outfit. "Doesn't he look handsome, Leroy? Goodness, I wish I'd been this fashion-conscious when I was your age, Kurt."

"Thanks Mr Berry."

"Oh, it's Hiram, my boy." The tall man was patting Kurt's shoulder affectionately and looked over to his husband. "Leroy, do you remember that I had an awful time adjusting to flares that were the thing in the seventies? With my long legs I just felt like I'd draped myself into curtains."

"We can show you some hilarious pictures of our time in San Francisco, Kurt, back when we were..."

"Dads, please!" Rachel interrupted their chattering with raised eyebrows.

"Right, honey. But I have to say just one more time that I admire your fashion sense, Kurt, you look fabulous. But let's hear some singing now, shall we?"

"You gotta stay quiet," Rachel told them. "Don't disturb the recording by joining in, okay?"

"Don't you mind us, cutiepie." Hiram drew Rachel into a quick hug before he hurried to some place behind the camera. "We'll be standing just over here in the corner, all eyes and ears for you two."

"Are you ready?"

Kurt nodded and straightened up in his seat, clasping his hands around one knee.

"And ACTION!" Rachel shouted and hit the play button of the music box. Blaine recognized the music at once but couldn't lay a finger on what it was until Kurt started to sing the lyrics.

"People say love comes and goes  
>But they don't understand what they don't know<br>'Cause what I feel starts deep inside  
>It's planted like a seed that springs into life"<p>

Immediately Blaine was mesmerized by Kurt's determined voice and his stinging blue eyes. Watching Kurt sing made Blaine completely forget where he was and that he was strapped to a chair, he had only eyes and ears for his boyfriend.

"They say it's not right and we move too fast  
>But they don't know the meaning of what we have"<p>

Blaine's heart was melting away. Kurt knew that Leona Lewis was one of his favorite singers. The way Kurt gave the originally cheerful and bouncy song a serious tone was like a wholehearted promise. It was like he tried to say, this isn't just for fun, this is the truth and I mean what I'm saying.

"Wherever it is, I'll fly  
>Whatever it takes, I'll try<br>So don't pay no mind to what other people say"

When Kurt sang the chorus he looked right into the camera and Blaine's heart stopped beating. It was like Kurt looked right into his soul and that's when Blaine noticed it. How lost Kurt was. His mouth was smiling but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Whenever it is in my life  
>Know that I will be on time<br>'Cause you know why  
>There's no standing in our way"<p>

Rachel sat on a barstool next to him, singing some background notes. She tried to bring a happier tone into the song by accompaning Kurt in the chorus, but she couldn't cover up the fact that Kurt's version was not happy-go-lucky.

"When you're far and we're apart  
>I'm really missing you,<br>I wanna be where you are"

Kurt's voice trembled when he sang those words, _when we're apart... I wanna be where you are_... and Blaine felt a shiver run down his spine. Just by the way he put everything into this song Blaine knew that Kurt would never give up on him. This thought was soothing but at the same time it also scared him.

"And if you're lost, I'm gonna find you  
>'Cause without you I'll break down and cry<br>And you know I wanna surround you  
>With all my love"<p>

Blaine wanted Kurt to find him. He wanted to leave this building knowing that Kurt was standing outside, waiting for him the moment he walked out of the door, so he could embrace him.

"Wherever it is, I'll fly  
>Whatever it takes, I'll try<br>Pay no mind to what other people say"

Rachel reached out to hold his hand and join into the final chorus belting out some high notes but she never took over the song, it was all Kurt's.

"Whenever it is in my life  
>Know that I will be on time<br>Because you know why  
>There's no standing in my way"<p>

The song ended and loud applause and cheering errupted from Rachel's dads who stormed over and congratulated him on his singing which Kurt humbly declared as one of his weaker performances due to his chest injury.

"I think we finally got it right," Rachel exclaimed happily and clapped her hands. Then she walked towards the camera, reached out to touch it and the next moment the screen was black again.

Blaine got nervous. That was it? He tried not to be disappointed, but he wanted to see more. He was about to ask Gabriel to repeat the clip because he didn't mind watching this for the next couple of hours, he would never be sick of watching his boyfriend. But then another video clip started. At first the vision was blurred but then the focus adjusted and showed a close-up of Kurt's face.

Angry and pissed off.

"Tell me, how am I supposed to breathe without air?"

Woah, what's this? Blaine was irritated for a moment. But then Kurt drew a deep breath – clearly having difficulties with breathing – and started to sing in an accusing low voice.

"If I should die before I wake  
>It's cause you took my breath away<br>Losing you is like living in a world with no air"

Blaine noticed that Kurt was in his own room and in the middle of the song he began spinning around, holding the camera high up in the air and facing it. Blaine got dizzy by watching but when he concentrated on Kurt's face the spinning wasn't too bad.

It was obvious that Kurt was angry and hurt and frustrated. Those were feelings Blaine could absolutely relate to but it made his heart ache to see his boyfriend like this. Then suddenly Kurt collapsed on his bed, his breathing ragged and seemingly painful. He made little wheezing noises as if he was about to cry. He continued the song with a small pleading voice, almost a whisper,

"How do you expect me  
>To live alone with just me<br>'Cause my world revolves around you  
>It's so hard for me to breathe"<p>

Blaine tensed up in his seat and clutched the armsrests when he was watched his boyfriend fighting for every gulp of air. _He's suffocating, oh God, he's having trouble breathing! Someone help him, oh my God, somebody please help him! _Only now did Blaine notice the date of this recording. This was from Friday. Okay, since Kurt made another video only today he had to be alright. Still, being forced to watch his boyfriend having a panic attack was upsetting. He wanted to be out there with him and comfort him.

The camera was dropped carelessly onto the bed as Kurt stumbled towards the window. Now the camera showed the lower part of the open window and a part of the wall beneath. Kurt was leaning out of the window trying to collect himself. _That's alright, baby, take deep breaths_, Blaine was coaching him in his mind.

Suddenly Kurt stepped back and closed the window again, pulling the curtains shut. In a haste he got his phone out and Blaine witnessed a whispered conversation with Finn and things got even weirder because now Kurt was talking about Dave Karofsky. Then he said something about a note and ran out of his room.

Apparently Kurt had forgotten about his camera and now it recorded his empty bedroom. The next few minutes seemed like an eternity and Blaine was left to wonder what the hell was going on with Karofsky. Blaine hated how he only got glimpses into Kurt's life. Of course he was thankful that he was able to see this, but he knew it would keep him up all night puzzling about what all this meant.

It felt like sitting in the movies, just the popcorn was missing and being able to move and scratch his nose. However, the movie was real, this was his boyfriend's life. With a sigh he wished Kurt would just sit down and talk into the camera, giving a newsflash about what Blaine had missed so far. Now, that'd be cool.

After Kurt ran out of his room there was a cruelsome silence. Minutes ticked away in the right corner of the screen and nothing happened. Would Kurt return to his room? If the next hour only showed part of Kurt's bed and his window Blaine would certainly fall asleep and he didn't know if Dr. Nolan would be amused when his torture, uhm, _treatment_ resulted in his patient taking a nap and snoring peacefully.

No, there had to be more!

* * *

><p>After seven minutes that seemed like a lifetime Kurt finally came back into the room, banging his door shut. He was obviously upset and started pacing his room. A second later there was a knock on his door and his stepmother's voice called out for him in a frightened voice. "Don't come in!" he shouted back angrily. "I don't want to talk to you! To any of you liars!" Kurt went to his door and made sure it was locked up. Carole tried to talk to him some more but he ignored her until she gave up and retreated.<p>

Kurt collapsed on the ground beneath the window, bending one knee to his chest and looping an arm around it. The camera was right on him and Blaine could see that Kurt was studying some tiny yellow paper before crumpling it up and throwing it across the room with a disgusted grimace. Instead he got his phone out again, dialed a number and put the call on speaker. He dropped it on the floor as if it was too heavy to hold up and rested his forehead on his knee, waiting for an answer.

The phone rang until a hushed voice answered which Blaine recognized at once as Wesley's. "Kurt, I'm in class."

"Excuse yourself for the restroom!" It was an order.

"This is the last time." Wesley hissed and then spoke up to the teacher and had himself excused. Kurt folded his hands around his knee with his chin on top, listening as his Dalton friend walked out of class, just to speak up in an annoyed tone a moment later. "You called me already three times today! Could you at least check the clock before you call?"

"Any news from Erica yet?" Kurt asked, deliberately ignoring Wesley's scolding.

"No! And for the hundredth time, I'll call you the second there is news! You don't have to call me every freaking five minutes!"

Blaine saw Kurt flinch at Wesley's outburst.

"I know you're worried sick about Blaine, but you're not THE ONLY ONE! We all are! And right now I not only have to deal with you, but also with Reed who's worried sick about YOU, too. Why don't you answer his texts or calls? You know what Reed's like. He's driving us all crazy, asking every five minutes if any of us have word from you. So I have two guys who keep on dragging at me about news which I can't supply. Try walking in my shoes!"

"I'm sorry. I know I've been an awful friend lately. I'm gonna text Reed." Kurt promised and Blaine noticed that his right hand unconsciously played with the Klaine bracelet on his left wrist. His heart sped up knowing that Kurt was still wearing it.

"Also, you still haven't told me _anything_ about your meeting with Shane," Wesley continued his rant. "The only thing I got from you is that he's gonna call my girlfriend about news on Blaine. What did he tell you, though? How is Blaine doing? You're keeping all information to yourself!"

A wave of misery washed over Kurt's face. "I don't know, Wes. Shane didn't know much either."

"Kurt, the way you cave yourself in is not cool. You're behaving like you own Blaine and like you're the only one allowed to suffer just because he was your boyfriend and..."

"Is!" Kurt corrected him with a sudden edge of fury in his voice. "Blaine _is_ my boyfriend!"

"Yeah, alright, but guess what, we're Blaine's friends and we're worried about him, too. And to keep stuff from us is not what friends do."

"Gosh, I'm so incredible sorry, Wesley," Kurt replied in his best bitch voice. "I wasn't aware there were _rules_ on how to behave when your boyfriend gets admitted to a mental facility and you're unlikely to ever see him again. Is there a manual you can borrow for me? Or at least _please_ give me a crash course, because I feel so unprepared and apparently I'm doing everything wrong!"

"Look, we're all stressed out about this," Wesley replied in a calmer tone. "Nobody knows a thing about Blaine and..."

"Yeah, welcome to the club!" Kurt snarled at him. "Nobody knows a thing and there's _nothing_ we can do to help him! Let's just carry on with our wonderful lives, shall we?"

Kurt gathered up his phone and his thumb hovered over the 'end' button, granting Wesley a few more seconds to reply before disconnecting the call. A second later his face scrunched up into a mask of misery and he started weeping silently.

Blaine's heart broke at the sight of his boyfriend in tears. He wanted to reach out and comfort him and tell him not to worry this much. But he knew if the roles were reversed and he didn't know what was going on with Kurt he'd be a wreck, too, and there'd be nothing that could make him feel better.

Hell, what was going on over there at Kurt's right now? And why was Wesley being such a dick? Alright, Blaine got it that they all were worried about him and worked up by the situation. And like Kurt said, there weren't any guidelines how to deal with a situation like this. Everybody was allowed to freak out.

It wasn't long before someone knocked at Kurt's door and Burt's voice called out, heavy with worry. "Kurt, open that door!"

Blaine watched as Kurt wiped the tears off his cheeks hastily and took a few deep breaths to get himself under control. He didn't answer to his father's increasing shouting and pleading to open the door, but he slowly rose to his feet and crossed the room – out of the camera's focus. Blaine listened in to the conversation at the door. In his vulnerable state Kurt was lashing out at everyone.

Finn entered the room and crossed the screen and the camera bounced on the mattress when someone sat down on the bed. A second later it was picked up by Kurt who put it on the desk, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the camera was still recording. Now it pointed to the bed where Kurt sat down next to his father.

As Blaine followed the conversation he grew more and more worried. They were talking about mysterious text messages and death threats – apparently a neighbor wanted to kill Kurt! – and about Kurt refusing to eat and about Karofsky stalking him. Oh, my God, what the hell was happening over there? What kind of overwhelming crap did Kurt have to deal with on his own?

And then Burt said that Devon sprayed the words _die fag_ on their front door, and Blaine's heart stopped beating. Devon. They'd kown each other since Blaine was fourteen. How could Devon go after Blaine's boyfriend? How could Valerie and Devon betray him like that? What for? Why did they turn on him?

Throughout the whole conversation it was obvious how much Burt cared about his son and Blaine took comfort from the fact that Kurt had such a supportive father. It dawned on Blaine why Gabriel had made such a mysterious remark just earlier about Burt being a father that would do anything for his son. Of course, Gabriel had watched all of this, too. And upon seeing Kurt – how much Kurt suffered from missing his boyfriend – he had decided to come back to protect Blaine.

Also Blaine started wondering if Kurt was aware that he'd accidentally recorded all this and if he had sent it to Gabriel intentionally, wanting Blaine to see all this. Or if perhaps Rachel had just send everything over to Gabriel unbeknownst to Kurt.

Kurt left his room again with camera still running and Blaine wondered what else had happened on Friday for Kurt. Would he return to his room or would Blaine have to watch the empty bed for the next few hours? Not that he minded seeing Kurt's bed and dreaming about lying there next to his boyfriend and telling him how sorry he was about everything that's been happening.

There was a cut – thank you, Rachel or Gabriel! – and the digital clock in the right corner showed that fifteen minutes had passed when the door to Kurt's bedroom finally opened again. Kurt came in with someone else. A boy in a Dalton uniform passed in front of the camera that was still sitting on the desk and Blaine wondered who came to visit Kurt.

"So, have you... have you talked to Shane?"

Oh hey, it was Reed! Blaine recognized the shy and quiet voice and smiled fondly. You simply couldn't help smiling when Reed was around. But then Blaine remembered where he was and if Dr. Nolan was indeed studying him he shouldn't look too happy during his treatment. His initial joy turned quickly into sorrow anyway, because the conversation between the two boys was heart-breaking.

Kurt talked about meeting Shane and about missing Blaine and how Shane had confirmed that Blaine had tried to commit suicide and leave him. Listening to the hurt and pain in his boyfriend's voice Blaine felt so guilty and ashamed. He still couldn't remember why he had wanted to kill himself, but he knew for a fact that he'd swallowed those damn pills. How could he do that to Kurt? How could he hazard the consequences and make Kurt worry and suffer so much?

Kurt told Reed about meeting the guy who had beaten him up at New Year's and that he worked for Blaine's father. When he listened to Kurt talk about it Blaine started crying. He tried to stop it, but soon his vision was blurred and the more he tried to choke down his tears the more came.

It was so awful, so unbearable that Kurt had gone through hell on his behalf. If it wasn't for him Devon would never have assaulted Kurt. Such raw violence... it made his heart ache more than he could stand.

Ever since the Sadie Hawkins Dance Blaine knew what it was like to be beaten like a dog and he had prayed that Kurt never had to experience anything like that. And now it had happened. Kurt had suffered so much and it was all Blaine's fault. If only he could have done something to stop Devon, if only...

"_Why are you hestitating, Blaine? Do you want your boyfriend to be beaten up?" _

_Valerie was standing in front of him, her right hand clutching his arm in an insisting manner, her grey eyes dead-serious. "You need to do this! Now! Trust me, this is the only thing you can do to stop your father!"_

"_There has to be something else," he pleaded, his whole body was shaking with dread and fear. "What if I..."_

"_What, Blaine? What do you wanna do? _Talk_ to your father?" _

_Valerie let out a patronizing laugh. "It's too late for that and you know it. Kurt will be in for the hospital within the next hour and this is the only way for you to stop it!"_

What was that? Blaine's heartbeat quickened but his whole body felt numb all of a sudden. A memory flash had just popped up and he tried to cling to it but he couldn't for his life remember the details. What the hell had this conversation been about?

* * *

><p>Three hours passed and Gabriel had played and repeated all clips available of his boyfriend. Blaine felt exhausted and emotionally drained. Watching those clips made him happy and sad at the same time. Of course it was better than whatever Dr. Nolan had planned out for him. But it made him long for Kurt so much more and wishing and hoping he could see him or at least talk to him soon.<p>

Blaine's thoughts lingered on his unexpected memory flash.

He tried to stir up more details of it but his mind stayed blank and refused to show him more than this little puzzle piece. He knew that the words between Valerie and himself had been exchanged around Christmas time but what were the exact circumstances? What had he done to make his father feel the need to go after Kurt? What had Valerie suggested Blaine do to stop his father? And most importantly, why had Blaine failed in stopping his father to go after Kurt?

"You alright?" Gabriel asked him when he led him back to his room, holding on to Blaine's arm to steady him because the boy couldn't walk a straight line in his exhausted state.

Blaine made a humming noise and looked up at him. "Same thing tomorrow?"

"Depends," Gabriel answered mysteriously. "Your father announced that he'd come to visit you tomorrow or the day after that."

"That's good news," Blaine replied although he dreaded a confrontation with his father. "I mean I finally get to talk to him."

Gabriel opened the door to Blaine's room and motioned for him to step inside.

"Listen, whatever your father askes you to do, you gotta do it," Gabriel told him after closing the door behind him. "I can't keep up this charade forever and Dr. Nolan will get suspicious sooner or later. Maybe I won't be able to show you video clips of your boyfriend for the next few sessions."

"Okay," Blaine replied quietly.

Gabriel grabbed Blaine's shoulders and his eyes bore into him desperately. "Whatever your dad wants, just say yes. Nothing can be worse than staying here. You understand me?"

Blaine nodded gravely, too emotional right now to speak.

"I can't do this any longer," Gabriel whispered and gently brushed his thumb over Blaine's tear-streaked face. "I can't watch this anymore. You need to get out of here."

Again Blaine confirmed Gabriel's words with a nod. He wanted to ask Gabriel to stay with him, perhaps sit down beneath the window again and talk about random stuff to distract him. But the orderly checked his watch and sighed. "Gotta go. Keep your head up high for me, Wildcat, and don't worry too much. You'll be alright, you hear me?"

Gabriel's eyes lingered on him for a moment longer and Blaine could see the reluctance. The man didn't want to leave him alone. But duty called and he had to be somewhere else.

"See you tomorrw."

Blaine watched the man leave and turned to crawl onto his mattress. He closed his eyes and saw his boyfriend sitting on a barstool on the prosperous stage of the Berry home. Today Kurt had promised him to do anything to get him back. He wanted to believe in Kurt's strength but it scared him. What if Kurt crossed Valerie's and Devon's path again? What if they hurt him again? Blaine would do anything to make sure Kurt wasn't harmed again.

"I won't allow anyone to hurt you ever again," Blaine whispered to himself and squeezed his pillow. "Whatever it takes."

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

**Leona Lewis – Whatever It Takes**

**Jordin Sparks feat. Chris Brown – No air**

* * *

><p><strong>Btw, I have posted a spin-off called 'Gabriel' to explain some of Gabriel's background. If you are interested in learning more about him I'd love for you to read it. I can't tell Gabriel's whole story in No Regrets. I guess some of you would kill me if I didn't carry on with getting Blaine and Kurt back together. ;) They will be together again, I promise. Please have patience.<strong>

**Thank you for reading! And thanks a million for all of your wonderful reviews for the last chapter! I always love hearing from you so please keep the reviews coming! :D**


	37. Give Up Forever

**Summary: **

On Sunday Kurt finally receives word from Blaine: a missed phone call delivered by his father, an original song text delivered by Shane/Erica/Wesley and a video song message with Blaine singing _Lost Without You_. Immediately Kurt sets up a meeting with Rachel to record another song message for Blaine, singing _Whatever It Takes_ and letting Rachel send it off to whoever this Gabriel McBrien guy was. Back home Kurt sends Finn on his way to an educational meeting with the Berrys. Then he goes back to drown into his own misery, feeling like doing another stupid video song wasn't nearly enough to help Blaine.

Instead of suffering another awful treatment Blaine is shown several video clips of Kurt by Gabriel, including the latest _Whatever It Takes_ song message as well as unintentionally recorded conversations. It leaves Blaine puzzling about what's going on at Kurt's end and worrying about his boyfriend. In the prospect of meeting his father the next day Blaine decides to do whatever he could to keep Kurt from being targeted ever again.

This chapter continues with Sunday night…

* * *

><p><strong>Give Up Forever<strong>

It was late in the evening when Burt knocked at his son's bedroom door and entered although no response came. He found Kurt sitting in front of his vanity, his face in his hands, elbows propped on the table, not caring to look up when Burt knocked softly on the open door of Kurt's bathroom.

"Hey there," Burt said softly and leaned against the doorframe. "How ya doing?"

"Brilliant," Kurt replied sarcastically and dropped one hand to spin his phone around. "Amazing."

"Yeah, thought so." With a sigh Burt put a glass with a red straw down on the table of Kurt's vanity. "Carole made you one of these shakes. You haven't eaten anything today, have ya?"

"Suppose," Kurt shrugged, ignoring the glass.

"Well, I guess these shakes are okay, but don't you wanna try and eat something... you know with more substance? It makes me sick to know you're not eating anything!"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Burt huffed. "Eat something! I just don't get why you wouldn't eat. The doctor said it was a post traumatic side effect but I just... I worry about you."

"I'm gonna try to eat tomorrow," Kurt replied with a sigh and drew the glass near to show his good will. "I promise."

"Alright." Burt rubbed his face tiredly. His guess was that Kurt was still grieving the loss of his boyfriend – yeah, Blaine wasn't dead! Burt remembered that he didn't eat much in the months following Elizabeth's death. When you're grieving you don't have appetite for anything not even for life itself anymore.

"All these weeks…" Kurt slowly turned in his chair to look up at his father. He sounded exhausted and drained. "Nothing! Not a word, not a single sign! And today there's a phone call that I've missed, a video message and word from Shane giving me a song from Blaine. All at once! I know I should be happy about all this but somehow it makes me feel worse."

"Why's that?"

"While Blaine was doing the impossible to contact me, I was trying to forget about all this mess," Kurt admitted and chewed on his lower lip. "Everything's going wrong, Dad. I have no control over anything. I should have been there to take Blaine's call! Instead I was at a party! And I kissed Finn!"

Burt sighed. "Kurt, stop beating yourself up for this and let me tell you something: It's not the end of the world that you kissed Finn."

"How can you be so cool about that?" Kurt raised his voice hysterically. "I'm guilty! I wanted to forget about Blaine last night! And I enjoyed kissing Finn! I mean I didn't realize what was happening in that moment but I can't deny that it felt good and I didn't think about Blaine when Finn and I... when we kissed!"

Burt held his hands up. "Alright, now tell me this. Do you still love Blaine?"

"Of course I do!"

"And I suppose kissing Finn hasn't changed how you feel about Blaine?"

"No! It was a mistake!"

"Okay, look, that kiss with Finn was just physical, Kurt. You're both teenagers with bodily needs…"

"Ewwww!" Kurt turned away in disgust. "Dad! Please!"

"I'm just saying how it is, Kurt. You didn't cheat on Blaine. You didn't plan to make out with Finn. It happened and you regret it. Believe me, you'll do a lot of things in your life that you will regret. Life is about making mistakes and you have to learn to forgive yourself or else you spend your life regretting every wrong step you ever made." Burt tried to get through to his son but Kurt refused to meet his eyes. "Kurt, come here. Please."

He opened his arms and nodded at his son encouragingly. Slowly Kurt rose and let his father draw him into an embrace, resting his head against his father's shoulder.

"I don't even think Blaine would hate you for this," Burt continued and rubbed circles into Kurt's back. "The only one who's hating you right now is yourself."

Kurt dug his face into the crook of his father's neck and tried to stifle a sob but his whole body was shaking.

"And don't worry about Finn, okay? Given some time I'm positive that Finn will figure out the difference between loyality and love. Actually I kinda told him the same thing I just told you. He's so full of regrets because he feels like he's let you down so many times in the past. You know, when all the crap happened with Karofsky? He told me that before Carole and I got married he had been awful to you and ignorant to your problems. He said he wants to make up for everything."

"Can we please stop talking about all this?" Kurt pleaded and drew away.

"Okay, I guess we've talked enough about this today," Burt agreed and held the boy at arm's length. "Just so you know I had a long talk with Finn and I told him to stay away from you, at least for the time being. He's over at Rachel's now."

"I know," Kurt gave a one-sided shrug. "I've set up a meeting between Finn and Rachel's dads to scare him away from the thought of being gay. If anyone can talk him out of it without even meaning to, it's them."

Burt smiled wryly at that. "There's something else I wanted to talk about."

Immediately Kurt tensed and widened his eyes in anxious expectation.

"Relax, kiddo, I just wanted to know if you're up to go back to Dalton? Tomorrow's Monday, you know."

The question didn't relax Kurt at all, and the sudden look of panic on Kurt's face reminded Burt of his nine year old boy the first summer after Elizabeth's death, right after he'd asked him if he wanted to go to summer camp. Remembering Kurt's begging and pleading, clearly feeling abandoned, made his heart ache still today. Being a widowed dad hadn't been easy. All he had wanted for Kurt was to have fun over the summer, but at the same time he was glad that Kurt wanted to stay with him and he didn't have to let go of the boy.

"I don't feel like going back to school…" Kurt said quietly, dreading the day he'd have to go back to Dalton where everything would remind him of Blaine. "I mean, not yet."

"It's okay," Burt hurried to say. Actually, he was glad that Kurt didn't insisted on going like he had when he'd just been out of hospital. He didn't want his son to be out of reach. He wanted to be able to see him every day. At least for one week longer. "You don't need to go just yet."

Kurt chewed on his lips again, contemplating. "But perhaps I should go back to Dalton just to get out of Finn's way until he's settled down again?"

"No, it's okay. Stay home, Kurt." Burt put a big hand on Kurt's shoulder. "I'll call your school first thing tomorrow morning and tell them you're still not well. We still got some check-up appointments at the hospital for you anyway. I was thinking you could stay at the shop with me and help me with some paper work. I'm so behind."

"Sure, I can do that." A smile of relief spread on the boy's face. "I'm gonna call Reed and ask him for homework assignments. I can do them at the shop, so I won't be too behind."

"Alright." Burt ruffled his son's hair. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Dad."

"Carole and I are gonna call it a night. She has an early start tomorrow and I'm happy to hit the pillow, too. You should try and get some sleep as well."

"I will," Kurt said, hugging himself. "Goodnight."

"Night." After Burt left Kurt stared at the two phones lying on his nightstand. He wanted them to ring and he wanted to hear Blaine's voice at the end of the line.

He crawled into his bed and took both phones into his hands, just in case, just to be able to answer them as quickly as possible. It was ten at night. He'd slept the afternoon away and still didn't feel rested.

His life was a mess and he felt pathetically weak. Kurt knew he had to pull himself together but he didn't even have the energy to try to pretend he was okay anymore.

He dimmed the lights and stared into the dark for what seemed to be hours but when he checked the clock on one of his phones it was only a few minutes after ten. Finn was still at Rachel's house. He briefly wondered how his brother was doing.

One of his phones buzzed and Kurt jerked up heavily. Geez, it probably was Finn who needed to tell him how much he hated him by now.

Kurt checked both phones. There was a text message on his own phone. The one his father had kept because the anonymous guy had been texting on it. The phone on which Blaine had called.

Kurt opened the text message and frowned in confusion. Someone had just send him an address in Newark and added the words: _Midnight. Be on time._

His whole body went numb when the meaning of this message hit him. It was an invitation. Or more like an order.

Who was the sender of this? Who wanted to meet him?

Blaine's family lived in Newark. Well, at least their main house was there, the one where Blaine grew up in, although the Anderson family seemed to own a couple of mansion's all over the US. Could it be that Blaine's father was the anonymous texter after all?

"Who are you? What do you want from me?" Kurt murmured to himself, staring at the text.

Whoever it was, Kurt would go and find out. He sat up and swung his legs out of bed and – woah! With a dizzy feeling he sat back down, holding his head in his hands and trying to regain his senses. He wasn't well, that was for sure. He tried to get up again, this time slowly and steadying himself with one hand on the wall.

For a long moment he fought the dizziness and the numbness in his legs. Slowly he made his way to his bathroom and drank some water, hoping it would make him better. But his hands were shaking and he knew he was sick. He took a long sip on the shake Carole had made for him but it only made him feel like retching. He forced it down because he knew he needed some sugar into his system right now if he didn't want to pass out.

"Shit." Kurt had to face reality. He wasn't up to drive all the way to Newark by himself. Panic threatened to take over. This was the only chance ever to show that he'd do anything for Blaine! He couldn't blow it! Whatever Mr Anderson wanted from him he had to go and face him.

_Calm down, Kurt Hummel,_ he told himself. _Calm the fuck down and think! You can't go on a two hour drive in this condition! You're not helping Blaine by having an accident. You need someone to drive you there! _

Kurt stared at the words of the text message again.

It didn't even say it was about Blaine. But it was. If he went there, he would find out something about Blaine. It could be a trap. The words of the first text message were still burned into his head: _die fag_. What if Devon was waiting for him to finish him off? It was a risk he had to take.

Now he needed someone to drive him. The question was who.

Of course, his first choice was Finn, but his brother was still at Rachel's and Kurt didn't want to bother him. He needed couple-time with Rachel to work it all out. He couldn't drag him back into his little world of problems, they needed distance to each other.

For a brief moment he thought about asking Mercedes, she would drive him anywhere. But what if this invitation was a trap and he was about to be beaten up again tonight? Mercedes wouldn't be able to help him and he didn't want her to have to watch him being beaten like a dog.

While he was pacing his room and drumming his fingers on his chin Kurt thought about Puckerman. That guy was crazy and tough enough to come with Kurt. Only problem, Kurt didn't have Puck's number and he couldn't call Finn and ask for it, now could he?

And no, no way, he didn't allow his mind to even consider the possibility of asking his dad. No way! For one Burt would try to talk him out of it or call the police. And if by chance Burt agreed to drive him and come with him, he'd be in great danger. There was no way Kurt would get his father into a dangerous situation again. He'd already had one heart attack and he'd been upset enough when they'd met Devon. Kurt just didn't want his father to get hurt.

However, in case he was going to face a real threat in Newark Kurt needed someone by his side who was strong, someone who was able to intimidate people by his sheer presence.

He needed someone who was a bully himself.

He needed … Karofsky.

A chill went down his spine just thinking about the guy who'd made his life a living hell not too long ago. However, Karofsky had tried to contact him over the past few days. Kurt was positive that Karofsky would agree to meet him and even to drive him around. The question was if he was brave enough to get into a car with Karofsky.

Kurt started biting his nails and contemplated this.

His last encounter with the jock in the mall had left him puzzling about him anyway. No, he didn't trust Karofsky one bit, but somehow he could understand him. He knew what it was like to live a lie, and not being able or daring to show the world your true face. It was a hard step to tell your parents, your friends and the world that you were gay. Even though he loved his father dearly, Kurt had been terrified to tell him. He had feared to be rejected, and if his dad – the only person that had mattered to him – would've rejected him he would've been devastated.

So even if Karofsky was a horrible person, Kurt could understand the pain he went through. He could understand that he needed someone to talk to, someone who understood the pressure.

Okay, so Karofsky had threatened to kill him. But he hadn't really meant it. Right? He was just scared himself. Right? It was not dangerous at all to sit in a car with him for about two hours. Well, four hours if you counted the ride back.

Ah hell, if he was ready to walk into the lion's den he could also take a ride by the devil himself there. Everything would be fine. Right?

Actually, Karofsky was the perfect guy for this job.

Of course he didn't think that Karofsky would throw himself between Kurt and a possible attacker to protect him. But maybe his presence would intimidate whoever was waiting for him. He couldn't risk putting his family into danger, but he didn't care if Karofsky took a knock on the head during the process.

Yeah, it was crazy to ask Karofsky, but there was no one else to ask. All he had to do now was call him. Where was the number?

Kurt searched around his room for the little yellow paper with Karofsky's phone number on it. He found it on the floor underneath his desk and smoothed it out, then tapped the number into his phone before he was able to change his mind. His hand was trembling when he pressed the phone to his ear and listened to the dialing tone.

"Hello?" Karofsky's grumbling low voice almost made Kurt lose his courage.

"Hi, this is Kurt," he almost whispered and then cleared his throat.

"Oh, hey… what's up?" Karofsky clearly didn't expect him to call.

"Can you pick me up?" Kurt decided that straightforward was the best strategy. Also he didn't have one minute to spare. It was already past ten and the drive from Lima to Newark would take about two hours. _Midnight. Be on time._

"What do you mean?" Karofsky was slow on the uptake.

"I need someone to drive me someplace," Kurt whispered into the phone, paranoid that his parents might hear him talk through the walls.

"Okay. You're at home?"

At least Karofsky wasn't wasting time asking stupid questions. "Yes, I'll wait outside for you. Don't park in front of the house."

"Okay. I'll be ten minutes."

"Hurry up please." Kurt hung up and rubbed his face. _Oh my god, what am I doing? Am I crazy? Trusting the person that had threatened my life? _But Kurt realized that he was more scared of Mr Andersan than he was of Karofsky.

Okay, he had ten minutes to waste. Kurt's gaze fell at the person in his fullbody mirror. Did he really look that horrible? Geez, if he had to meet Mr Anderson today, at least he could do it with style and dress up.

He quickly changed into some of his fancier clothes and put his ankle-high white boots on. Then he pulled his beloved Burberry Pea Coat out of his wardrobe and put it on. Last but not least he wrapped his creme colored cashmere scarf around his neck and did a last minute check on his hair.

He wasn't at his best appearance but he was as good as he could get in ten minutes.

He looked out of the window and saw Karofsky already parking outside with the headlights switched off. Boy, he was good at this. Very discreet. Clearly used to observing houses in the middle of the night.

At the last second Kurt wrote a hastily scratched note for his family in case they found his bed unoccupied tonight. He ripped the page out, folded it and placed it on his bed, then he pocketed his phone and tiptoed out into the hallway, listening for any sound coming out of the master bedroom.

He made his way downstairs and closed the front door as quiet as possible before he hurried over the street and towards the waiting black car.

The cold night air hit him and made all of this more real. Kurt slowed his pace as he neared the car. He could make out Karofsky's silhouette sitting in the dark car and another shiver went right down his spine. He stopped in the middle of the street and concentrated on his breathing.

He could hear Finn's voice inside of his head. "Inhale slowly, hold your breath, count to three, and exhale. There is no need to panic, we'll figure this out." Kurt chewed on his lower lip and wished Finn was here. He almost turned to get back into the safety of his house.

Karofsky scrolled down his window. "C'mon, get in. It's fucking cold outside."

Kurt walked around the front of the car, opened the passenger door and started to slip on the seat, but kept one foot on the asphalt. His eyes met Karofsky's who had shut his window again and now looked at Kurt with an unreadable expression. He wore a black watch cap and a dark windbreaker. Somehow Kurt was glad that the jock didn't wear his red letterman jacket, it would only bring unpleasant memories back.

"Don't look at me as if you expect me to kill you," Karofsky huffed. "You asked me for a ride."

He turned on the ignition and put the car in gear. Kurt had to hurry to get in and close the door. He busied himself with the seatbelt while Karofsky drove to leave the neighborhood behind.

"So where are we going?"

Kurt looked at his phone and scrolled to the text message. He gave Karofsky the address so he could tap it into his GPS.

"Newark?" David turned to look at him. "That's like a two hour drive."

"I know," Kurt replied. "Can you drive me there?"

There was a moment of hestitation, but then Karofsky gave a short nod.

"We need to be there at midnight," Kurt pointed out.

"No problem." Karofsky turned his GPS off. "I know the way to Newark. We can make it in time."

Kurt's chest relaxed, freeing a breath of air he didn't even know he was holding. He was glad when Karofsky turned on the radio because he didn't feel like talking to him. He concentrated on the music and tried to calm himself down because inside he was still in a turmoil.

_I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br>_

Kurt clutched his phone in his lap and stared straight ahead. He could only hope that he'd make it to Newark and back again without any kind of trouble. He hoped he'd be able to slip back into the house without his family even noticing that he'd been away. Because they wouldn't understand why he had to do this on his own.

_When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am<br>_

_Alright, I'm on my way._ Kurt knew that it wasn't smart to follow orders from an anonymous texter who clearly intended to harm him. But if this trail led to Blaine he had no choice but to go.

They drove down the empty street in the dead of the night.

_I'd give up forever to touch you_

* * *

><p>Blaine couldn't find sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed, tortured by his own thoughts. All the images of Kurt he'd seen a couple of hours earlier were still flashing up in his head.<p>

He didn't know what time it was but it had to be in the middle of the night. Finally he reached out for the light switch and sat up, rubbing his face. He couldn't explain it but he had a weird feeling of foreboding that wouldn't let go of him.

Something bad was happening tonight, he could feel it.

"You're being stupid," he told himself. With a sigh he pulled the guitar out from under his bed and got it out of its case. Letting his fingers run lightly over the strings always soothed him. He sung the words of a song that suddenly popped up in his head and of course he was thinking of Kurt.

"I'd give up forever to touch you  
>'Cause I know that you feel me somehow"<p>

Of everything he saw of Kurt today the thing with Karofsky troubled Blaine the most. He couldn't put his finger on it but Karofsky's sudden interest in Kurt – and his apparent stalking – bothered Blaine. Knowing that there was more to Karofsky than just the usual bullying of weaker persons was unsettling. After all the guy had kissed Kurt before.

"You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
>And I don't want to go home right now"<p>

There was something very familiar about Karofsky that Blaine had noticed the very first time he'd seen him but had put it aside back then. The broad-shouldered bulky guy reminded him of someone else but that of course was only coincidence. No way there was any connection between Karofsky and the McVaughn family.

_Now you're being paranoid,_ Blaine told himself.

"And all I can taste is this moment  
>And all I can breathe is your life<p>

And sooner or later it's over  
>I just don't wanna miss you tonight"<p>

There was a knock at the door and Blaine looked up startled and in confusion. Who came to see him in the middle of the night? And who _knocked_ at the door? It wasn't as if Blaine was able to actually open the door because it was always locked up.

A second later he heard the key being turned and he had no time to hide the guitar away before his nightly visitor entered, a wide grin on his features.

"Why am I not surprised to see you with that beauty in your arms?"

Gabriel closed the door behind him and walked slowly across the room.

"Hey there." Blaine grinned up at him. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?"

Gabriel casually flopped down at the end of Blaine's bed and pulled his legs up. "Couldn't sleep," he replied with a shrug that betrayed his nightly terrors. "I figured you might not be sleeping either, so I came."

Blaine took in Gabriel's appearance. Instead of his white work clothes Gabriel wore a pair of blue jeans, a dark green hoodie and grey sneakers. Blaine hadn't seen him in casual clothes before so this was nice. He tried to imagine what Gabriel was like in his free time. But well, if he spent his free time sneaking back to his workplace...

"Can you come and go as you please?"

"Sienna let me in," Gabriel said with a wry smile. "She's one of the receptionists and she has a soft spot for me. I tell her I forgot something and usually it takes me hours to find it."

"Why do you come back at night?"

"Ghosts," Gabriel answered mysteriously and brushed some blond curls out of his face. "There's something spooky about walking these halls in the middle of the night I can tell you."

"I find it quite creepy even at daytime," Blaine replied with a tilt of his head. "What time is it anyway?" He let his fingers run over the strings again.

"A few minutes after midnight." Gabriel nodded at the guitar. "What were you playing?"

"Just this song..." Blaine shrugged.

"One of your own?"

Blaine shook his head.

"Let me hear it."

This time Blaine didn't shy away. With a soft voice he continued singing.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
>Or the moment of truth in your lies<p>

When everything feels like the movies  
>Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive"<p>

Blaine pretended like he didn't notice the way Gabriel suddenly wiped at his eyes and like he didn't hear the tearful sigh that escaped the man's throat. He felt like crying himself and he was sick of being locked up.

"And I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<p>

When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am"<p>

Suddenly Blaine stopped and looked up at the man sitting across from him.

"Gabriel, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Gabriel blew out a puff of air. "Fire away."

"Did my father really call every day like you said he did?"

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

**Goo Goo Dolls – Iris **

* * *

><p>Hi everyone! All what's about to come with Karofsky I've been planning for almost a year! It took me ages to finally get here. Much love to all of my readers and your patience! It'll still take a while until Klaine get back together again.<p>

_Normallyweirdm_, a thousand kisses to you! :*


	38. Midnight

**Last chapter: **

Kurt has received an anonymous text message telling him to be at a certain address in Newark at midnight. Since he doesn't trust himself to be able to drive because of his weak condition he asked Karofsky to give him a ride. He doesn't want to put his father into danger or spend too much time with Finn while his stepbrother's having uncertain feelings.

In the middle of the night someone knocks at Blaine's door. He is surprised to see Gabriel who claims to be unable to find sleep and decided to pay him a visit. Blaine tries to get some information out of the orderly.

* * *

><p><strong>Midnight<strong>

"So what's up in Newark tonight?" Karofsky asked in a conversational tone as they left Lima behind. "Some fancy party or a gay bar to visit?"

Kurt considered briefly how much he should or shouldn't tell him.

"Got an appointment," he answered simply. He didn't feel like explaining to Karofsky why he needed to drive to Newark and why Karofsky was the only one he'd asked to drive him. Karofsky didn't need to know the details.

Kurt started to regret asking the jock for the favor. But did he really have any other options? Yeah, he could've asked Mercedes and told her to just drop him off and wait somewhere else for him. She could've brought Sam along, so she wouldn't be alone… But no, he didn't want to drag too many people into this mess. Also, he could've called Santana or Brittany and asked them for Puckerman's number. But a call in the middle of the night? And him needing to talk to Puck? Gosh, word would travel faster than he'd even get to Newark.

He could have tried driving by himself.

Kurt kneaded his hands. He still felt the weakness in his bones and he was well aware that he'd put himself in an incredibly stupid position. But he wouldn't let Karofsky – or Mr Anderson for that matter – see that he was at his bodily limits. He was determined to stand his ground – and let Mr Anderson know a piece of his mind when he met him.

"I was surprised by your call," Karofsky said, his eyes on the road. If he looked anywhere other than straight ahead, it was only briefly into the rearview mirror.

For a brief moment Kurt wondered if the jock was nervous. Could it be that he was flustered by Kurt's presence?

"You know, after we met at the mall yesterday I thought you'd never contact me," Karofsky continued and for a second Kurt was confused. Had that only been yesterday? Gosh, it felt like a lifetime's passed by.

"What I'd wanted to talk to you about..." Karofsky went on when Kurt didn't say a word. "You know, about what happened to you at New Year's..."

"I don't want to talk about it now," Kurt interrupted him harshly and was surprised by his own fierceness. He didn't want to be reminded of what happened on New Year's. He couldn't concentrate on something like that now. He needed to focus on the task at hand. Meeting Mr. Anderson. He was afraid that whatever Karofsky wanted to tell him might turn him into a crying mess. He needed to stay strong and confident when he faced Blaine's father.

"On our way back you can tell me whatever you want, okay?" he quickly amended with a sideway's glance at his companion.

Karofsky gave a slight nod of agreement. Apparently he wasn't too eager to talk about whatever he wanted to talk about himself.

Karofsky turned onto the road which led them through the forest. Kurt knew this part of the way by heart because it was the same road he took on his way to Dalton. He always hated going through the forest. It had wicked turns and was dangerous to drive at day. At nighttime in the dark it was even creepier than he'd imagined. There were no streetlights and no other traffic. It would be easy for Karofsky to just turn off the road and stop in a sideway. No one would hear his screams...

Kurt closed his eyes and dug his nails into his palms. _Stop thinking such nonsense!_

Wonderful. On top of everything else now he had to be worried about being raped.

Kurt took another glance at Karofsky. No. Maybe in his nightmares Karofsky was capable of turning into a cruel rapist. But not in real life. In real life David Karofsky was just a scared boy.

_You are not alone_. Suddenly Kurt remembered the words Blaine had said to Karofsky once, because he had seen it, too. David Karofsky was just another high school kid scared of things. He might have force-kissed him but he wasn't capable of more. He was just lonely. Kurt turned to watch the trees passing by and in his mind he repeated Blaine's song lyrics.

_Courage is when you're afraid,__ b__ut you keep on moving anyway__  
><em>

After a while it was Karofsky's turn to cast him a sideways look. "You look like shit."

This little comment made Kurt chuckle. "Thank you."

"No, really," Karofsky insisted. "You alright?"

Kurt nodded and for a second he felt dizzy again. "I'm fine."

"Want a coke?" Karofsky gestured to the backseat and when Kurt turned around in his seat he saw an open cooler with provisions. Sandwiches, chocolate bars, different bottles of soda and a lot of cans of coke.

The sight of Karofsky's provisions gave him chills.

When he'd called Karofsky he hadn't told him where he needed him to drive. The jock couldn't have known that it would be such a long ride. And why would he pack so many snacks and drinks anyway? Besides, hadn't it been odd that Karofsky had been at his house so fast? Just like... he'd already been there... Oh God, Karofsky wasn't actually stalking him, was he? Kurt didn't know whether to ask him about it or not. The thought of Karofsky spending the night sitting in his car in front of Kurt's house was creeping him out.

Kurt took a small bottle of Moutain Dew from Karofsky's stash. He needed some caffeine and sugar. "Thanks." He took a large gulp and let out a little sigh. Then he started drumming his fingers against the bottle, trying to keep his nerves.

"Let me guess." He finally turned to Karofsky. "When I called you up you weren't exactly slumbering in your bed, were you?"

"I was driving around," Karofsky admitted with a shrug.

Kurt gave a little nod and decided to drop the subject. He didn't really fancy to hear Karofsky say 'Yeah, I like hanging out in front of your house just to catch a glance of you'.

They drove on in silence except for the music playing which Kurt was thankful for. He stared through the windshield at the white lines glowing in the headlights, his phone was clutched in one hand in case there were more texts or a call but it remained silent.

However he noticed the way Karofsky kept shooting glances at him and he was wondering what was going through Karofsky's head. After half an hour of intense staring out of the window Kurt realized this would be much less awkward if they actually did talk to each other. It should only be small talk, nothing too deep, something like talking about music. In fact Kurt even liked the music Karofsky was playing. It was a playlist of bittersweet songs, a lot of soft strumming of acoustic guitars and gentle voices, nothing that Kurt would have expected Karofsky to listen to. He had assumed Karofsky to prefer something with an aggressive beat, something fast and loud, maybe heavy metal.

"I'm impressed," Kurt said, clearing his throat. "By your playlist. Is this what you usually listen to?" Kurt wasn't familiar with the bands whose names popped up on the display, because he was more into showtunes and the Top 40 thanks to Blaine. Still, he appreciated the tenderness of this music.

"No, not really. It's part of my anger management program," Karofsky explained and Kurt tried not to look too surprised by that relevation. It was good to hear that Karofsky was working on himself, trying to change.

"After what happened with you in McKinley, you know…" Karofsky paused, but then went on. "After I got suspended my dad made me see a shrink to work on my anger control, stuff like that." Karofsky raised his shoulders and let them fall down again, looking kind of defeated. "So they gave me a list of music I was allowed to listen to," Karofsky let out a bitter laugh. "And well, these bands are the only ones I can endure. You know, it's kinda humiliating to be told what you can and can't do anymore."

"_Humiliating_ is being shoved into lockers or tossed into dumpsters," Kurt couldn't stop himself from saying.

"Yeah, well, sorry about that," Karofsky said casually like he was apologizing for taking the last cupcake. "Just for the record, I never tossed you into a dumpster. That was Puckerman's thing."

Kurt didn't say anything back. Did Karofsky expect him to be thankful for mosty being terrorized with menacing gazes and ugly words and a forced kiss... Kurt turned to stare out of the window again.

It was too late for Karoksky to make amends and even if he apologized properly Kurt wasn't sure he could forgive him for all the horrors he put him through.

They made it to Newark in an hour and a half. Karofsky asked him for the address again and they used the GPS to find the right house.

"Fancy neighborhood," Karofsky said along with a whistle. Indeed this definitely was where the rich people lived. Kurt's nervousness grew with every house they passed.

"This is it," Karofsky said as they drove towards an impressive mansion surrounded by a high burglar-proof wall. Kurt clutched his scarf as they approached the gate of the driveway and he squinted his eyes until he could decipher the name sign on the gate.

_Anderson. _

Oh, God. For a second Kurt felt nauseated. He had expected this but now it became real.

This was the Anderson residence in Newark.

This could only mean that the texts were from Blaine's father and Mr Anderson was awaiting him. What would Mr Anderson do to him? What would he want to talk about? If he wanted to talk to him at all.

Kurt took a deep breath. So what now? Should he just get out and ring the doorbell?

Perhaps he should send a text home to let his family know where he was in case he didn't make it out alive? But no, he'd come with Karofsky, so he had at least one witness if something should happen to him.

Karofsky leaned forward to read the name sign on the gate. "Anderson? Which Andersons?"

"It's my boyfriend's house," Kurt responded in a murmur, not really talking to Karofsky but needing to say it out loud to believe it. "His father wants to see me."

Karofsky turned his head sharp. "Wait, what?" He shouted at him. "Your boyfriend's last name is _Anderson_? He's the son of _Richard_ _Anderson_?"

"Yes, why?" Kurt stared wide-eyed at Karofsky.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Karfosky cursed out loud and pounded his fists against the steering wheel. "Of all people! This can't be... oh shit... I thought it was just coincidence but now..."

"What's wrong?" Kurt demanded and tried not to freak out about Karofsky's sudden outburst.

"You can't go in there!"

"Why not?"

"Just believe me! You can't!" Karofsky shifted his car into gear and backed out of the driveway down to the street again.

"No! Stop the car!" Kurt yelled and opened his seatbelt resolutely. He had no choice but to go in there! He needed to know why Mr Anderson wanted to see him. If he had to he'd jump out of the car. He had already opened the passenger door when Karofsky hit the brakes and grabbed his arm.

"Hey! Stay in the car!"

"Let go of me!" Kurt tried to yank his arm free but Karofsky only clutched harder.

"No! I'm telling you, don't go in there!"

Kurt sat back on the seat and stared at Karofsky with his heart beating out of his chest. What striked Kurt the most was the panic he saw in Karofsky's eyes.

"Why not?" Kurt repeated his question, almost too scared of the answer. What did Karofsky know about all this?

Karofsky released his grip on Kurt's arm and shook his head slowly.

"What's wrong, David? What do you know?"

Karofsky pulled his hat off to run a hand over his shortcut hair. "I swear I don't know _anything_! I only _guessed_, but I didn't _know_. If I'd known your boyfriend was the son of Richard Anderson... Fuck!"

"Well, yeah, he is an Anderson," Kurt huffed. "And I'm gonna deal with whatever comes along with the name."

They both jerked when suddenly the gate opened by itself behind them. Apparently they'd been spotted and were invited in.

"You coming with me?" Kurt asked, suddenly hoping that he wouldn't have to do this alone.

Karofsky gave a hesistant but confirming nod and drove slowly in and up the lit driveway to the house. It was a creepy feeling to see the gate close again behind them. Like they were trapped inside the lion's cage, not knowing where the creature was lurking about.

Karofsky stopped the car in front of the entrance. A long row of stairs let up to the front door. They sat in silence and just stared at the house.

"I need to get in there now." Kurt murmured and put his hand on the handle. "Please tell me what you know before I go inside."

Karofsky seemed to struggle with himself for a moment, not knowing how to start. Then he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and scrolled through it until he found a picture and showed it to Kurt. "Have you seen this guy before?"

Kurt took the phone and squinted his eyes. It was an old picture of David standing next to another bulky guy who had his arm around David's shoulders in a brotherly way. David was younger, maybe thirteen. The other guy was older than Karofsky in the picture, perhaps seventeen, but still he looked exactly like he looked today. Kurt recognized him immediately. It was Devon.

Suddenly Kurt felt numb and all he could do was answering yes by nodding his head.

"Is this the guy who came after you on New Year's?" Karofsky asked and Kurt nodded again, looking up at David completely confused.

"Fuck!" Karofsky swore again.

"How do you know him?"

"He's my fucking cousin!" Karofsky burst out. "He hates gay people! You're not the first one he's beaten up!"

Kurt clutched his scarf again and tried to breathe. "So you knew he was gonna...?"

"No! I knew _nothing_!" Karofsky defended himself. "He just... Shit, he came to me asking if I wanted to have some _fun_ on New Year's and I knew what he meant so I said no. I didn't know that you were his target! If I'd known I would have stopped him somehow! But since you were at Rachel Berry's party I thought you were safe. It was only after winter's break that I heard that you'd been attacked, but still I couldn't be sure that it had actually been Devon who attacked you. So I started watching out for you."

"You mean stalking me?" Kurt clarified.

"Well, if you put it like that," Karofsky shrugged awkwardly. "I just wanted to make sure Devon or whoever attacked you wasn't gonna get near you again."

Kurt nodded slowly, trying to digest the news.

"And what do you know about Blaine's father, Richard Anderson?"

"Nothing! I only know that Devon and Valerie work for him. Valerie's Devon's sister, so my cousin, too. But I don't like her. She's a snobby bitch. They were kinda friends with the kids, well, that's your boyfriend and his brother. But Devon always cursed about the faggy one, sorry, that'd be your boyfriend then, and said he was gonna get to him one day. Valerie, she's the more rational one."

"From what I hear she's more like of the betrayer kind," Kurt uttered and opened the passenger door.

"Wait! I'll come with you."

"No, considering the circumstances I think I should go alone," Kurt said. "But if I don't come out again within the next hour…"

"Bullshit! I'm going in there with you!" Karfosky growled. "You don't have a clue what you're up against! And I'm not your goddamn driver waiting in the car until my toes freeze off."

Kurt wanted to argue but actually he was glad he didn't have to go alone. Also the text message didn't forbid him to bring company. Even if it did why should he play by the rules of Mr Anderson? He would play by his own rules, thank you very much.

Kurt got out of the car, adjusted his coat and scarf and faced the wooden door.

So this was where Blaine had grown up? It was hard to imagine. Blaine was so humble and modest. The house was impressive and beautiful, overwhelmingly so, but at the same time enormous and intimidating. Rich people, indeed.

A giant brown door with a brass knocker stood atop the flight of steps. Slowly Kurt climbed the stairs and looked for a bell to ring, wondering if he'd have to knock. But of course whoever made it through the gate was an expected visitor and undoubtedly he was being monitored already.

The door opened before he had reached the last step. A young fair-haired woman, slightly taller than Kurt, but on high heels, stood in the threshold, smiling welcoming at him. But there was something cold in her eyes that had Kurt watch out.

"You must be Kurt Hummel," she said. "My name is Valerie McVaughn. Welcome to the Anderson residence."

Then her eyes wandered off to Karofsky who was still standing at the bottom of the stairs and her welcoming smile changed into a look of pleasant surprise. "David," she said and pursed her lips. "Devon didn't tell me you were in."

"I'm not," Karofsky replied with a firm voice.

A brief look of puzzlement crossed her face. "Then why are you here?"

"I'm his driver," Karofsky stated matter-of-factly with a nod at Kurt. "You know, like, for my probation duty. I have to watch out for him."

Valerie's well-formed eyebrows shot up. "Wait, _he's_ the one you got suspended for? Wow, it's such a small world, isn't it?"

"Look, Val, my dad knows I'm driving him. If something happens to him I have to stick up for it."

Kurt looked up. Why was Karofsky lying for him?

Valerie let out a high-pitched laugh. "Oh David, what could possibly happen to him here except catching a cold for standing too long in front of the door? Please come on in."

She held the door open for them and they entered a big entrance hall with winding marble stairs leading upstairs and salon doors to their left and their right. It was an old house and it was more comfy inside than it looked from the outside. Kurt could just imagine Blaine coming home and heading upstairs, throwing his coat over the railing and dropping his satchel on the carpet of the upper floor, calling out for his brother to tell him some exciting news.

Kurt chanced a quick look with Karofsky who seemed impressed, glancing around with arched eyebrows, but clearly not intimidated. He had his hands stuffed in the pockets of his windbreaker and not taking the black watch cap off as politeness would ask for.

"Thank you," Kurt addressed the woman and busied himself by taking off his gloves and loosening his scarf. It was warm in the house.

Once inside he wondered where Mr Anderson would be waiting for him. Perhaps in a salon by the fire place just like in the old movies?

Whatever. Kurt braced himself for meeting the man.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

Hey, I'm back! Woah, I can't believe I let Kurt sit in a car with Karofsky for three months! I'm so sorry for the unexpected hiatus on this story. I've had a serious case of summertime depression and couldn't get much writing done. I'm so glad to be back working on my baby, I missed writing No Regrets so much. I hope to be able to update regularly again.

_Normallyweirdm_, thank you so much for your help and support. I couldn't have done all this without you.


	39. Playing Games

**Playing Games**

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Kurt. Blaine has told me so much about you." The young woman held her hand out to him. "Please call me Valerie."

Kurt ignored her hand and eyed her up cooly.

So this was her. She was responsible for all of this mess. Shane had told him how it had been Valerie's fault that Mr Anderson had found out about Blaine's relationship to Kurt and how it had led to the disaster they were stuck in now. She claimed to be a friend of the Anderson family. But was she really? According to Shane she wasn't very trustworthy. Even if she claimed to have best intentions towards Blaine, it was unlikely that she really wanted to help him.

Kurt knew better than to be fooled by her nice little act and he didn't want to play all nice himself.

After a moment Valerie dropped her hand and nodded in respect.

"I have to say I didn't really expect you to come," she said and there was a little quirk of her lips.

"Yet here I am," Kurt replied and turned to size her up. Granted, she was very pretty. Fine features, green striking eyes and cherry-red lips with matching nail polish. Her highlighted blonde hair fell in waves on her shoulders.

She wore a dark grey knee-long skirt and blazer with a dark green cashmere scarf hanging loosely around her neck. The scarf was an Alexander McQueen, Kurt noticed at once. Actually, it looked just like the one he'd bought Blaine for Christmas. It made Kurt wonder if his boyfriend ever had the chance to… Wait! Kurt's eyes widened when he noticed the golden embroidery at one end of the woman's scarf. It was the embroidery he'd put there himself, this was the scarf he'd given to Blaine.

Kurt looked up and met the woman's green eyes. She let her fingers run over the scarf and smirked at him, and Kurt knew that she was absolutely aware of the fact that this scarf was his gift for Blaine.

_Bitch!_

Kurt held his head up an inch higher.

"I understand you've never been here before?" Valerie tilted her head and smiled at him in a condescending way. "Never seen Blaine's room and his stuff? That's too sad, considering how close you used to be to him."

Kurt chose to ignore her using of the past tense. He wasn't in the mood to let her waste his time. "You can bring me to Mr Anderson now, if you are so inclined," he ordered her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but Richard's not here," Valerie chimed. "I am the housekeeper at the moment."

Kurt blinked in irritation. "Then who...?"

"_I_ summoned you here," Valerie answered and her eyes never left his face as if she wanted to relish each of his reactions.

"_You_ wrote that text?" Kurt asked and tried not to sound too surprised.

"That was me, yes," Valerie replied with a smug smile. "But please, let's move from the entrance hall to somewhere more comfortable." Valerie motioned for him to follow her through the salon doors into a fireside lounge filled with book shelves.

Kurt moved across the room slowly. There were family pictures on the mantelpiece showing a much younger Blaine next to his still smaller brother and with their parents behind them. Mr Anderson was resting a proud hand on Blaine's shoulder. His mother's smile was strained but yet she was beautiful.

The thing that caught Kurt's eye however was a black piano in the far corner. A wistful smile curled up Kurt's lips when he remembered Blaine telling him proudly how it had been his Christmas gift when he'd been ten and how he'd loved learning to play it. And how Shane had always tried to steer him away from it to go and play with him.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Valerie offered politely.

"No, thanks," Kurt replied stiffly. He would take nothing from her. Especially not anything that could be poisoned.

"Why did you ask me to come?"

"Because I was bored to death and it's always fun having company," she replied wryly and sat down on the armrest of the couch.

For a second Kurt was wondering whether this was the room where Blaine and Shane got into the fight with their father on Christmas Eve. He imagined the two brothers sitting on the couch while their father was accusing Blaine of having a relationship with _that gay boy who danced in black tights to the Single Ladies song._

"What do you want from me?" Kurt decided to be straightforward.

"Nothing. I just wanted to see the boy who travels all the way to Colorado with broken ribs just to talk to his ex-boyfriend's brother."

Kurt also chose not to bother correcting her use of the term _ex_-boyfriend. She was just trying to wind him up. "So you were the one texting me when I was on my way to Colorado?" Kurt asked incredulously.

"Yes, I wrote all of them." She quirked an eyebrow. "But I have to admit Devon came up with the phrase _die_ _fag_. I needed something scary but also something catchy, you know."

"Yeah, really catchy that one." Kurt folded his arms in front of his chest and he heard Karofsky snort behind him. Apparently he got how surreal and weird the whole situation was, too.

"Did you know about my whereabouts from Facebook?" he continued interrogating her.

"That's right. I just love Facebook!" Valerie exclaimed with a chuckle. "It's always up to date on everybody's lives. Also those who aren't even on Facebook."

"I can't help but get the feeling that this is all a game for you," Kurt said disgustedly.

"Believe me, this is anything but a game, but why shouldn't I have fun along the way?" She quirked her lips up viciously. "And I just couldn't resist scaring you a little bit."

Karofsky snorted again and this time Valerie shot him an angry glance. "What is it, Dave?"

"Nothing," Karofsky shrugged with a superior grin on his face. "I just noticed that you haven't changed a bit. You're still acting like the thirteen year old bossy school girl ordering people around and trying to get attention by just being mean to everyone. Time to grow up, Val."

Kurt could feel Valerie bristle. Clearly she was pissed at being called on her charade but she only said, "Shut it, Dave. This is none of your business. Besides, at least _I_ never got suspended for being so dumb and letting someone call me out on my actions."

She turned to Kurt again. "You should be thanking me because I let you have your little talk to Shane. I knew that my brother had everything under control and I needn't worry. In fact I thought it was a good idea and that it would make you give up. Instead you keep on putting up those silly videos on youtube. I feel sorry for you. That's why I called you here tonight."

Kurt didn't reply anything right away. Instead he moved around the room, his eyes on the salon doors, still expecting Blaine's father to show up. He just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that it hadn't been Mr Anderson after all who wanted to see him.

The funny thing was that Kurt had been so frightened to come here, but now that he knew that this stupid woman was responsible for all those scary text messages and all this trouble, he wasn't scared anymore at all. Everything seemed more like a joke to him.

"What exactly is it you want from me apart frommy thankfulness?" He asked the woman dryly.

"What I want is quite simple," Valerie replied with a shrug. "I want you to understand that you will never see Blaine again, no matter whether you're going after him or not. Better get used to it."

"He's going to turn eighteen this week," Kurt declared, "and he can go and check himself out of that dreadful place then!"

"He may turn eighteen, but that doesn't mean he's gonna be free to do whatever he wants," Valerie explained to him in a voice like she was talking to a five-year-old. "I have a doctor at hand who will happily sign a paper saying that Blaine needs a permanent custodian because he's mentally disabled and suicidal."

Kurt gaped at her in utter disbelief. "You're playing with the fact that he... that Blaine had a weak moment," Kurt spit out disgustedly. He didn't think he'd ever hated someone as much as he hated her right now.

"All I do is take care of him," she replied coldly. "It's _your_ fault he tried to kill himself."

Kurt felt like she'd slapped him in the face. But he knew it was only words. She tried to make him feel guilty. But whatever had been Blaine's reasons Kurt was sure that he hadn't caused him any pain that would lead to such a desperate act. Right?

"I won't give up on him", Kurt declared with his head held high. No way would he let himself be intimidated by this woman. "And if somehow it's my fault that Blaine did what he did, I will make sure to get things right again. No matter what you say I will fight for him."

"Good luck with that, but in the end you won't win because Blaine doesn't remember you anymore. He's getting a therapy to wash all the filth out of his brain. Even if you stood in front of him, he wouldn't recognize you."

Kurt clasped a hand around his throat. He knew that this was a lie because Blaine wouldn't try to call him and send him video messages and song texts if he didn't remember him but there was the possibility that the facility would still do its vicious work. As long as Blaine was in there he was in danger. Kurt had heard enough horror stories about brainwashing people to be wary. However, instead of scaring him off her words made him angry and fury pushed adrenaline into his system and suddenly Kurt felt like his old bitchy self, strong and confident.

"You think you have it all figured out, don't you?" Kurt raised his voice in disgust and anger. "You know _nothing_ about Blaine and me, nothing!"

There was a movement behind him and Kurt felt a cool breeze from the door being opened. Karofsky next to him stiffened up and squared his shoulders. Kurt already felt the menacing presence of the man who had just entered the room before he turned around.

At the sight of Devon Kurt tensed up. He couldn't help but feel intimidated by the young hulky man. Without consciously deciding to do so Kurt moved away from the man and sought shelter at Karofsky's side. All of his fury puffed into thin air and was replaced by a panicked pounding of his frightened heart. His hand clutched the back of an armchair to steady himself and his eyes got all big and wide, staring at the man who'd beaten him up a month ago. It was no conscious reaction and he hated what his body was doing but he couldn't help feeling nauseated and dizzy and he all he could do was to concentrate on fighting down the urge to run.

"I think you've met", Valerie said with another one of her superior smirks.

Kurt ignored her and just continued to stare at Devon, trying to figure out the man's next move and whether or not he was going to hurt him. Apparently Karofsky had similar thoughts because he moved completely in front of Kurt, blocking him from Devon's view.

"Hey sis, you need me?" Devon asked, flexing his shoulders and intertwining his fingers, making them crack loudly.

"No, thanks, Dev. We've had an unexpected change of plans." Her eyes rested on her cousin and Devon followed her gaze and greeted Karofsky with a nod. "Hey Dave. What yer doing here?"

"Making sure you're not going at _him_ again," Karofsky growled at his cousin and pointed his thumb over his shoulder at Kurt.

Devon raised his hands in surprise. "Woah, what?"

"He was your target on New Year's, wasn't he?" Karofsky moved closer up to his cousin.

"What yer talking 'bout?" Devon replied casually. "I didn't do anything to anyone."

"Yeah, right!" Karofsky huffed and pulled a face at Devon. "Just like you didn't do anything to Chester and Thomas and that guy from Walmart. Just like you always get away with your shit!"

Kurt's eyes widened at Karofsky's outburst.

"What the fuck, man?" Devon shouted back at his cousin. "What's yer problem?"

"I'm just saying if you ever lay a hand on _him_ again..."

"What then?" Devon cut him off. "What yer gonna do 'bout it? Let me tell yer! You do _nothing_ 'cause you're chicken! You're a wuss, Dave. Always have been!"

"Stop it, boys!" Valerie called out with a roll of her eyes.

"Dave, I'm just wondering," Valerie tapped a finger on her chin when she addressed her cousin. "Say, isn't he the kid you tortured yourself at school? So why are you so protective of him now?"

"I told you," Karofsky said, sounding defensive. "As part of my probation duty I need to watch out for him. If anything happens to him it's on me!"

"I see," Valerie replied and cast a smile towards Kurt. "I'm sorry you had to hear all this. The boys are just being boys. Where were we? Oh right, I was just telling you that Blaine lost his memory and along with that he can't remember who you are anymore."

"Then I'll have to refresh his memory when I see him again," Kurt replied all self-confident.

Kurt could tell that Valerie was smart but she was lacking some insight. She wasn't good at telling someone's feelings if she expected him to make a rational decision when it came to Blaine. Sure, things were bad and perhaps it was safer for him to stay away. But he never would give up on Blaine. Apparently she thought she'd covered everything but she had no clue what love was capable of.

"What are you gonna do?" Valerie asked pitifully. "You can't do anything."

"Well, for starters I'm gonna get your brother charged for beating me up," Kurt said and didn't know where that came from. But it felt right and he knew that he wanted to do it. He would finally point his finger at this young man and hopefully get him into jail and prevent him from keep hurting people.

"Don't bother calling the police, dear." Valerie laughed at the idea as if Kurt was joking. "You can't prove it was him, now can you?"

Kurt frantically tried to think faster about his options. If he threatened them now they might try to shut him up before he could harm them. But if they thought he'd already come prepared for war...

"I'm one step ahead of you. I already have my lawyer on him," Kurt claimed which was an outright lie, but he was thinking of Wesley's father who was a lawyer and made a mental note to call his friend the next day and make an appointment with his father. He would make the McVaughn siblings see that they weren't as powerful as they thought they were and that this frightened rabbit was still able to bite the snake's tail.

Valerie's blond brows went up to her hairline.

"You're bluffing," Valerie said with a sneer but her confidence was wavering.

"David can bear witness that Devon was in Lima that night with the intention to bash someone up," Kurt explained with a calm voice. "There's going to be an investigation and Devon will be charged."

It was a complete shot in the dark. He didn't even know if Karofsky had his back on this when it was against his own family. All he could ride on was what Karofsky had told him in the car. How could he put all his trust into a fit that Karofsky threw about his cousin just a couple of minutes ago? It was aimed high and Karofsky might not speak against his cousin in front of a judge in court even if he hated his guts.

"David is our kin, dummy." Valerie was smiling again. "He wouldn't speak up against his own family. Would you, Dave?"

Now everyone's eyes were on Karofsky and the jock gulped but his eyes strayed to Kurt's and after a moment of hesitation he nodded eventually. "I will tell them about _everything_. You'll get into big trouble, Dev. Serious trouble."

"Are you insane?" Devon looked like a furious bull ready to strike and Kurt stepped back a few feet to get a good distance between them.

"From what you're constantly telling me I guess I am," David replied dryly and casually crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Kurt bit down on his lips to prevent breaking out into a wide grin. He'd never thought he'd be proud to see David Karofsky stand his ground.

But then Devon approached his cousin with clenched fists and Kurt let out an embarrassing little cry of shock because he expected the guy to start a fight. But he stopped right in front of Karofsky and both guys stared at each other until Valerie broke the tension by saying, "Enough, boys. We're gonna deal with this another time. David, we're gonna have a talk. Don't think we'll let you turn your back on us this easily. You're in the boat as well, don't forget about that."

"I'm not scared of you, Val," Karofsky replied stubbornly and gave her his best _you-are-scum_ glare.

"Neither am I," Kurt joined in and stood resolutely next to Karofsky, squaring his shoulders that might not be as broad and menacing as the jock's but Kurt's brandmark _bitch please_ look was just as piercing as Karofsky's glare.

Valerie was clenching her jaw. It was clear to see that Valerie was pissed off by the course of events. She probably had expected Kurt to have broken down by now and crying his eyes out. She couldn't have known that Kurt was a fierce one.

"Devon, David, leave us alone for a moment," Valerie said in a voice that was used to give out commands**. **Devon immediately turned to the door like a well-trained dog.

Karofsky however did not move a toe.

"David, I want to talk to Kurt alone," Valerie repeated in a firm voice.

"And I care _because_?" Karofsky retorted.

"What the hell do you think I'll do to him when you're not watching, _Mr Bodyguard_?" Valerie replied, sneering at him.

"It's okay," Kurt said to Karofsky. He wasn't scared of Valerie or whatever cards she might still have up her sleeve to scare him away.

Karofsky looked at Kurt and just when Kurt gave him a slight nod he finally backed off with a grunt. "I'll be right outside the door," he grumbled and left the room after his cousin. Kurt watched him leave and was more worried about what would be going on in the entrance hall between the two bulky angry cousins than whatever Valerie was about to tell him.

The blonde woman stood and walked across the room gracefully while Kurt stayed put where he was behind the armchair near the door.

"I underestimated you," she admitted. "There's more to you than it seems at the first look. You're way tougher than I thought you'd were." An evil smile curled up her cherry lips. "Makes it more fun for me when I'm going to beat you in this game."

"Playing a game means both parties have to be playing," Kurt said, moving around the armchair. "I'll have you know that I don't play. I'm going to _fight_ until I have Blaine back."

Valerie raised an eyebrow but remained unimpressed. "I wouldn't talk so big if I were you," she purred. "Tomorrow Richard and I are going to talk to Blaine. Your decision tonight sets the course of that conversation and whether or not Blaine's going to finally get out of that mental facility now or has to stay for another couple of months."

"I'm listening," Kurt urged when she wouldn't talk on.

"I don't like your sappy video messages to Blaine. I don't like how you're driving across the country to talk to his brother. Your poor attempts at reaching out for Blaine must end. I want you to stay away from him. Forever!" Valerie explained. "You're a distraction he doesn't need. And please stop making those ridiculous videos you put up on youtube. He won't see them anyway. He's cut off from the outside world."

Kurt tried to suppress the smile that was forming on his lips. So she didn't know that Blaine had seen them already. More so, she didn't know that he'd received a video message from Blaine in return. _She feels threatened because she knows that Blaine still loves me._

"Don't be stupid, boy. Blaine's well-being lies in my hands," Valerie explained arrogantly. "I only need to say one word and Blaine will suffer. You want that? Richard trusts me, he lets me do whatever I feel is the right thing for Blaine. If I tell him that Blaine's still suicidal and needs to stay in for longer, he'll sign the papers."

"I don't believe you. Actually, I don't believe one word you've said to me tonight. I think you're just a bored rich girl who likes to play games. But you have no control over anything that's going on with Blaine. You want to make me believe that Blaine's father would leave you in charge of everything concerning his son? And that Mr Anderson is oblivious to your doing?"

"You need proof?" Valerie came up close, making him take a step back. "How about I let you talk to someone from the facility who can confirm my authorization to make decisions on Mr Anderson's behalf?"

Valerie pulled her phone out of her purse and scrolled through her contacts until she found the right number. Clutching the phone to her ear she spoke when the call was answered.

"Hello my dear, it's Valerie. I'm sorry to call you up in the middle of the night but listen darling, you got to do me a favor and explain to this kid that is with me how Blaine Anderson is treated at your place. More specifically how he _will_ be treated if he doesn't behave the way I want him to. Can you do that for me?... Just sketch out the methods we've discussed the other day. Alright, I'm gonna hand the boy over and put you on speaker so I can listen in... What? Why not?... Fine. Alright. You can have him without me eavesdropping."

Valerie held the phone out to him and Kurt took it hesitantly. He didn't want to play her game but if he was lucky the person on the end of the line was really someone who was in charge of Blaine in that facility and perhaps he could get a message across for his boyfriend.

"Hello?" Kurt turned his back on Valerie and stared at Blaine's piano instead while he braced himself for anything.

"Hi, is this Kurt?" A low soft male voice asked and for a second Kurt was taken aback. Valerie hadn't mentioned his name but perhaps she'd talked to this man about him before. "Yeah? Who is this?"

"Oh god," the man exclaimed with a laugh. "My name's Gabriel..."

Wait, what? Kurt's mind started reeling. Gabriel? Was this the guy who'd sent him Blaine's video? Why was he with Valerie?

"... don't let that bitch know that you're talking to someone other than me, alright? Hang on a sec, Kurt."

Huh? What was going on? Who else should Kurt be talking to? He listened intensely as Gabriel talked to someone else in the room whom he wanted to give the phone. "Come on, Wildcat, Kurt's on the phone for you!"

Kurt was just wondering who on earth _Wildcat_ was when he suddenly heard a skeptical yet hopeful voice say his name, "Kurt?"

"Blaine!" Kurt called out in shock at the unmistakable sound of his boyfriend's voice. "Oh my God!" Noticing his slip Kurt glanced back over his shoulder to Valerie and added quickly, "Please tell me that Blaine's okay!"

"Kurt, is it really you?" Within a second Blaine's voice turned all teary.

"Yes," Kurt said, tears welling up in his eyes, too. "It's me... I'm... I'm Blaine's boyfriend..."

* * *

><p><strong>Oops, a cliffy...<strong>

**Thank you for reading! **

**Lots of love to _Normallyweirdm_ and _StormsInNeverland_! I just love you guys! :)**


	40. On The Phone

**On The Phone **

"Gabriel, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Gabriel blew out a puff of air. "Fire away."

"Did my father really call every day like you said he did?"

Blaine was still hugging the guitar, this time for emotional support. He didn't dare hoping, because he knew what the answer would most likely be. Right now he tried to figure out if he was more disappointed by his father's lack of interest or by the fact that Gabriel had lied to him.

There was a fleeting look of guilt on Gabriel's features that was quickly replaced by a weak smile.

"What? You don't believe me?"

"It's hard to believe, yes."

"I did talk to your father," Gabriel said slowly. "But not every day, sorry."

"Yeah," Blaine snorted. "I didn't think so."

"I was afraid you'd lose hope," Gabriel explained with an apologetic shrug. "I thought if I told you that your father called every day to check on you, well, I just hoped that it would make you feel better."

"Well, it did, I think," Blaine admitted and let his fingers run over the strings lightly.

"Look, it could be that he calls and talks to Dr. Nolan every day about your progress." Another noncommittal shrug. "Just because _I'm_ not talking to him doesn't mean he doesn't call."

"It's alright," Blaine said. "My dad's a busy man. He's never really been a family man, you know. He takes care of my brother and me by paying for expensive boarding schools and he's very generous when we ask for new clothes and notebooks and stuff. Also he made sure we got good reliable cars. We're not lacking on anything. It's just..."

Blaine chewed his lips for a moment. Now that he was talking about his father it made him realize how upset he really was about his screwed up relationship to his father. It made him wish things between them were different.

"You know, my mom used to say that most men who'd just become daddys usually don't know what to do with toddlers so they wait for their children to grow older." Blaine let out a bitter laugh. "I guess my dad's still waiting for my brother and me to grow up so he can finally interact with us. That's probably the reason he wants me to go to law school, so he and I would finally have something in common."

Gabriel was smiling at Blaine's words and tucked absent-mindedly at the laces of his sneakers. "Why do you wanna talk about your old man all of a sudden?"

Blaine shrugged and raked his fingers through his curls. "You said he's gonna come see me. I haven't seen him since... well, since all the shit hit the fan. I guess I just wanna know what I'm gonna have to deal with."

Gabriel laughed at that. "Okay, I get why you would be nervous." Gabriel shifted on the bed and sat cross-legged only a few inches from Blaine. "Your father's quite a mysterious man, isn't he?"

Blaine scrunched up his forehead. His father was anything but mysterious. He was bossy, narrow-minded and very much set in his ways. If Blaine had to name a mysterious guy, however, Gabriel would be on the top of his list.

"No, he's not," he objected. "Actually my father's very straight-forward with letting you know what he's thinking, especially if he doesn't approve of what you're doing." Blaine put the guitar aside and sat closer to Gabriel, crossing his legs Indian-style. "What did you talk about with my father?"

"The first time he called you were still in the darkroom. He wanted to speak to Dr. Nolan but the doctor wasn't available so he demanded to talk to someone who took care of you. Now, that'd be me. Your father asked if I'd talked to you and what you were saying, so I told him that you were still heavily sedated and not able to talk at all and that this was no good over such a long time but of course it wasn't in my place to question Dr. Nolan's medical decisions. Now hear this." Gabriel pointed a finger at Blaine. "The next day Dr. Nolan changed your treatment plan. I heard from his assistant that apparently your father had called and instructed your treatment to be as easy-going as possible."

"Easy-going?" Blaine exclaimed with a snort. "How's anything I've been put through in here been _easy-going_?"

Gabriel shook his head with a sigh. "Look, the problem is that later on your dad gave that blonde chick full permission on handling everything."

Blaine scrunched up his forehead, trying to process all of the new information. "So you're saying basically my dad just wants me to be okay and it's Valerie who's messing with my treatment plan?"

"I saw your father's signature under the original treatment request form," Gabriel looked him square in the eyes and lowered his voice. "You were supposed to be treated as a suicidal patient. But apparently Valerie has turned the facts around saying that you were suicidal _because_ you were gay and that's why you ended up in Dr. Nolan's ward."

"But my father hates that I'm gay so of course he doesn't object when Valerie has me treated as a _to be turned straight_ patient," Blaine pointed out exasperated and upset.

"Of course it's not right that your father wants to change you but at least he's worried about you. That's a start and..."

"No, my father's not worried about _me_ but rather my reputation," Blaine huffed. "Apparently he doesn't even care about my treatment _personally_, he puts everything into Valerie's hands because he doesn't want to be bothered with this. With _me_."

"Believe me, I understand your distrust and your disappointment towards your father. But when I had him on the phone I definitely talked to a father who was scared of losing his son. Try to look at the situation from his point of view. His oldest son tried to commit suicide. Clearly he's confronted with a situation he doesn't know how to handle. I guess he's never had to deal with anything like this before and he doesn't trust himself in handling this right, because if he screws up there's too much at stake. His son's life is at stake."

"I don't understand why you're defending my father!" Blaine jumped out of the bed and gestured wildly. "He hates that I'm gay! He beat the freaking hell out of me because I'm gay!"

With a sigh Blaine leaned against the wall. Just as quickly as his rage had built up inside of him it puffed into thin air again. It was pointless getting all worked up over this.

"The day he found out about me he beat me up," he said in a quiet voice and his gaze found Gabriel's shocked stare.

"Did your father beat you up?" Blaine asked, and Gabriel silently shook his head no.

Gabriel took a deep breath and leaned his head back against the wall. "My father threw me out of the house and hasn't talked to me since. I was sixteen. I'm twenty-three now so that definitely makes a long time no see."

"I'm sorry," Blaine murmured and hugged himself.

"I'm sorry to hear that your father hit you," Gabriel said all sincerely and had a deadly look in his eyes. "Did he do it regularly? Beating you and your brother?"

"No," Blaine ran a hand over the back of his neck, trying to relax again. "Just this once. Just me. He never hit my brother or my Mom. When he found out that I was gay he just lost it. He hates who I am and wants so desperately to change me," Blaine said with a shrug. "That's why I'm here."

"Look, I don't know your father, alright. And now that I know that he bashed you up I just want to kill him. But the fact remains that if your father didn't care about you, you wouldn't be here," Gabriel tried to make his point. "That he sent you here doesn't necessarily mean that he hates who you are. That's all I'm saying. Parents who send their kids here do it with best intentions. Twisted, fucked up intentions, yes, but never out of hate or rejection. They want their kids to be alright. Some people still seem to think that being gay is some kind of disease or mental disorder. It's complicated to deal with these kind of people, believe me."

Blaine just stared at Gabriel for a while, trying to figure out his own feelings about all this. Sadly he'd never been really close to his parents. Most of the time he had teamed up with Shane against them. Sure thing his relationship to his father had gotten worse the day his father had beaten him up after he'd found out that Blaine was gay. Since then he had avoided seeing his father whenever possible and he had the feeling that his father did the same thing.

Blaine started pacing the room, twisting the hem of his shirt with his hands and chewing his lips.

Avoiding problems had always been a big part of their family. Seeing how his mother had turned to drowning her problems in alcohol a few years ago Blaine was kind of impressed that she had been able to leave his father at all. Apparently she was still able to take care of herself albeit not to take care of her sons. At times like these he wished his mother would have the guts to talk his father out of doing what he was doing. But she wouldn't even come here to check on him. Which made Blaine wonder who on earth could have told Gabriel to...

Blaine suddenly stopped short and met Gabriel's gaze again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Gabriel answered with a resigned sigh. He leaned back against the wall and stretched his long legs across the bed.

"Did anyone really give you money to switch my pills or was that a lie, too?" Blaine asked resigned.

"I swapped the pills on my own," Gabriel confessed after a moment of hesitation. "I told you someone else gave me money because I wanted to give you hope, to make you think someone out there cared enough about you to bribe me. But I don't need to do that anymore because now I know that there are lots of people out there who are worried about you. Like your brother. Your boyfriend. And that funny bunch of – what do they call themselves? The Warblers? Wearing cute uniforms and singing Backstreet Boys to you. Goodness, I want my own personal boygroup, too." Gabriel winked at him with a cheeky smile on his lips. "By the way, that Asian guy's really hot."

"That would be Wesley and he has a girlfriend," Blaine provided with a grin tucking up the corners of his mouth.

"Dang!" Gabriel grinned at him and Blaine had to laugh.

"You know, if I could I'd sneak you out of here," Gabriel said, turning serious again. "But there are surveillance cameras everywhere and sadly Sienna won't risk her job for me by turning a blind eye on me tiptoeing out with a patient underneath my coat."

"I understand." Blaine gave him a nod and a thankful smile.

"I really tried," Gabriel assured him. "But she won't even do it for a signed copy of _50 Shades of Grey_ which I know for sure she really, _really_ wants."

"What?" Blaine blinked in confusion.

"Never mind."

They were interrupted by a sudden ringing sound and both looked up startled.

"What's that?"

"It's my phone," Gabriel muttered and found it in the front pocket of his hoodie. "I totally forgot..."

"You have your phone on you?" Blaine called out in utter disbelief and looked at the orderly in complete betrayal. "I can't believe we've been talking for about twenty minutes and you didn't tell me you have your phone on you this whole time!"

"I'm sorry, I completely forgot I had it with me and Sienna didn't check me because officially I'm only here to get something out of my locker. Before you start attacking me for it, let me just answer it quickly, okay? It's probably just my brother."

Gabriel checked the caller's ID and frowned. "Holy crap, it's the _Ohio_ _Bitch_. What does she want at this time?"

Blaine sneaked a glance at the display and indeed it said 'Ohio Bitch calling'.

"A friend of yours?"

"Actually, a friend of _yours_," Gabriel replied. "Or so she claims. Just let me get this and see what she wants and then you can use my phone, alright?"

"_She_? Who?" Blaine asked but Gabriel was distracted and scrunched up his face. "Oh, shit, of all things! My battery is low. I'll make this as quick as possible and then you can have the phone, alright?"

Blaine nodded eagerly, suddenly all fidgety at the prospect of being able to try and call Kurt again.

"Hello Miss Ohio, to what do I owe the honor of your nightly call?" Gabriel answered his phone in an all charming voice.

Blaine watched as Gabriel listened to whatever whoever was saying to him.

"Are you serious?" Gabriel let out an incredulous laugh. "You're calling me in the middle of the night to help you scare off some boy?... Alright, I'm not your servant, but I'm willing to help you out, only I'm not doing this in front of an audience. Let me talk to the boy in private, no speakers, girl... What, don't you trust me? You should because it will only sound more convincing if you're not listening over his shoulder making sure I say the right things. Now what'll it be? Make your choice quickly 'cause my battery is fatally low."

Blaine gave Gabriel a question mark gaze and mouthed, "What's going on?"

Gabriel held up a hand, signing for Blaine to keep quiet. Then he tilted his head and his expression changed into a soft, cautious look. "Hi, is this Kurt?"

Blaine stared at Gabriel with his jaw hanging open, a chill running down his spine. This couldn't be, could it? Could it be Kurt on the phone?

No, this wasn't real. This was a dream. Blaine considered pinching himself but he was too caught up in the surreal sensation of simply _knowing_ that this was all just a bad dream and he'd wake up any second in his warm big bed at the Dalton dormitory to find a sweet text message of his boyfriend on his phone telling him to be ten minutes early for first period to be able to start the day off with good morning snog in the Chem lab.

"Hang on a sec, Kurt." Now Gabriel was looking straight at him and held out the phone to him, saying urgently, "Come on, Wildcat, Kurt's on the phone for you!"

Blaine was paralyzed and stared at the phone like it was an alien object, like he didn't know how to use it.

"It's Kurt," Gabriel said insistendly and motioned for him to take the phone. "He's with Valerie and she can't know _you're_ talking to him so he'll have to act like he's still talking to _me_, got it?"

Blaine's hand was shaking when he tried to close it around the phone in the process of getting it to his ear. "Kurt?" his voice was barely more than a whisper, not daring to speak the beloved name out loud and dreading the disappointment of hearing somebody else's voice.

"BLAINE?!"

Kurt's yell exploded into Blaine's ear and brought him back to reality, back to life.

Also it clenched up his throat. "Kurt, is that really you?" Tears filled his eyes and he looked at Gabriel who was sitting across from him, grinning like an idiot.

"Yes," Kurt answered hoarsely. "It's me... I'm... I'm Blaine's boyfriend..."

"Are you okay, baby? Are you alright?"

And then suddenly Blaine understood. Kurt was with Valerie. This was no good. What was going on? What did Valerie want from Kurt?

* * *

><p><strong>The Queen of Cliffhangers says hi once more. ;)<strong>

**A very happy hello to all of my new followers and a HUGE HUG to all my faithful followers for the past year and a half. I love you all and I understand you're growing impatient, but no, Blaine and Kurt won't re-unite anytime soon, however there might be some more phone calls and almost meetings in future chapters. ;)**

**Also Shane and Reed will finally show up again soon. :)**

**Thank you so much for reading! **

**And special thanks for all your uplifting reviews for the past few chapters! I appreciate all of your kind words. :***


	41. Collide

**Alright, so I didn't want to post all of my new chapters in one weekend, but okay, because of all of your wonderful reviews (thank you!) and because I've been gone for so long and because we all suffer a severe trauma from this week's episode, here we go! **

**(You should listen to Howie Day's Collide, because it's a beautiful song.)**

* * *

><p><strong>Collide <strong>

_The dawn is breaking  
>A light shining through<br>_

"Kurt, is that really you?" Blaine sounded like he was bursting into tears any second which didn't help much for Kurt's own case of fighting back tears.

"Yes," Kurt said, now sounding all tearful himself. "It's me... I'm... I'm Blaine's boyfriend..."

"Are you okay, baby? Are you alright?"

"I can't believe this is happening," Kurt said hoarsely and moved across the room to get some distance between Valerie and himself. "All of this is a nightmare."

"Oh, baby, I know," Blaine said gently. "Please tell me what's going on, Kurt, why are you with Valerie?"

"I don't know what to say," Kurt replied, sounding strained. "I guess you can't trust anyone these days."

"I'm so sorry about everything."

Kurt heard a sob in Blaine's voice that made his heart ache more than it was already aching.

"I'm so sorry you got hurt and needed to be in a hospital. I promise I'll make things right again, Kurt."

"All I want for Blaine is to get out of there!" Kurt said firmly and sat down on the piano bench, keeping an eye on Valerie who was just dusting a bookshelf with her finger.

"I'm gonna get out of here tomorrow," Blaine said fingers-crossed. "My dad is coming to see me and I'll make him take me with him, no matter what I'll have to do."

"I heard about that," Kurt confirmed. "I'm not so sure it's a good thing unless you let Mr Anderson talk alone to his son."

Valerie skewered Kurt with her piercing green eyes from across the room.

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked confused.

"Blaine should have a chance to talk to his father, don't you think?" Kurt repeated, hoping Blaine would catch on. Valerie now crossed the room towards him. Fearing she might take the phone away from him Kurt quickly changed the subject.

There still was so much he needed to say to Blaine.

_You're barely waking  
>And I'm tangled up in you<br>Yeah_

"Please tell him that I'm sorry!"

"What for?" Blaine asked. "Baby, there's nothing you need to be sorry for."

"Just in case..." Kurt's voice broke and he took a breath to steady himself before he went on. "Just in case it somehow was my fault that Blaine wanted to end his life."

Valerie stopped her approach and a smile crept upon her features. She seemed very pleased to hear about his insecurities.

Kurt turned away from her and closed his eyes. He never wanted to let go of this phone ever again. He felt like he would die the very instant Blaine was cut off from him again. At the same time Kurt had never felt more alive than in this moment when he was pressing the phone to his ear with closed eyes while every muscle of his body concentrated on not missing a single breath coming from Blaine.

_I'm open, you're closed  
>Where I follow, you'll go<br>_

"No, no, no, Kurt! No, please don't think that way!" Blaine hurried to say. "Listen, I still can't remember that night. Pieces of my memory are coming back but all I know is that Valerie was with me before I took the pills but I don't have a clue why I did it but it's not your fault in any kind of way. You're my reason to fight, Kurt. I promise you that I'm not gonna hurt myself ever again."

Kurt bit his lip to keep from bawling. He felt like when there's a pop quiz at school and you know that you know the answers but you just draw a complete blank. All the things he wanted to say to Blaine, all the things he _needed_ to say, were blown from his mind and he just wanted to comfort his boyfriend and assure him that they'd be together again. At the same time all he wanted to do from now until forever was listen to his boyfriend's voice who was just saying his name over and over again in a teary voice.

"Kurt... Kurt, please say something... I love you, Kurt..."

_I worry I won't see your face  
>Light up again<br>_

"I wish I could do something," Kurt breathed into the phone. "I feel so useless."

"Don't do anything, Kurt," Blaine pleaded. "Stay out of this mess! I need you to be safe! You hear me! I want you to be safe!"

"Yes, I hear you," Kurt said with a sigh. "But I'm gonna do what I have to do to get Blaine back."

"You've done enough," Blaine protested. "This is my battle! You need to stay out of this!"

Kurt turned around and stared straight at Valerie when he said, "You can try to scare me away as much as you want to but I won't give up. I won't stop looking for him until I get him back. No matter the costs. No regrets."

"Kurt, please..." Blaine begged. "You need to understand..."

"No, _you_ don't seem to understand. I _cannot_ stay out of this because I love yo... _Blaine_ so much!" Kurt said, wiping stray tears from his eyes.

_Out of the doubt that fills my mind  
>I somehow find<br>You and I collide  
><em>

"I love you, too!" Blaine's voice broke and Kurt put a hand over his mouth to keep his own sob from escaping. There was a shifting on the other end of the line and a second later the young man's voice replaced Blaine's weeping.

"Kurt? It's Gabriel, listen to me." He said hurriedly. "If you have the chance to get to L.A. within the next few days come to this place and ask for me." He said an address and repeated it. "Can you memorize it in your head? Don't say it out loud! If you come down here, don't ask for Blaine, you understand me? Ask for Gabriel O'Brien, alright?"

"I understand," Kurt murmured.

"Alright, I'm sorry, but my battery is dead in a few seconds. Can you give me Valerie again?"

"Please, Gabriel, don't let them hurt him!" Kurt said firmly.

"I do all I can," Gabriel promised. "Don't worry, Kurt."

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
>Even the wrong words seem to rhyme<br>_

Kurt held the phone out to Valerie who marched across the room and took it away from him.

"Gabriel," she cooed. "I owe you one. How about we go out for dinner tomorrow night? ... Yes, I'll come down to L. A. to accompany Mr Anderson when he goes to see Blaine. I'm practically on my way. I can't wait to see you again, my dear, and please don't forget to..." Valerie stopped talking and looked down at her phone. "Oh, looks like his phone's died. Well, everything's said and done anyway."

She turned to smirk at Kurt. "I suppose you believe me now?"

Kurt only gave a noncommittal shrug and slowly raised from the piano bench.

Valerie stuffed her phone away and produced pen and paper from her purse. She scribbled something down, tore the page from her notebook and held it out to him. "I'm doing you a favor and letting you watch Blaine's birthday party. The highlights of it will be broadcasted as a livestream on the Anderson family website. Only exclusive guests can log in. This is the name of the blog and the password. Enjoy seeing your boyfriend one more time."

Kurt glared at her but took the note.

"If you'll excuse me now," Valerie gave him another arrogant smile as she sauntered towards the salon doors. "Devon and I have a flight to catch first thing in the morning. L.A.'s waiting for us." She stopped and then added with a mocking voice, "I can say hello to Blaine for you if you want me to."

Instead of an answer Kurt walked up to her and held out his hand. "The scarf you're wearing. Give it to me."

Valerie arched her eyebrows at him. "Excuse me?"

"You know very well that this scarf belongs to Blaine."

"Well, he doesn't need it in sunny California, now, does he?"

Kurt held his head a little higher while his eyes shot deadly daggers at her. "Are you gonna give me that scarf or do I have to yank it from your neck?"

"Fine." Valerie pulled the scarf off and threw it at Kurt. "It's too scratchy anyway."

Kurt folded the scarf neatly and let his thumb run over the golden embroidery as he followed her. He felt weirdly relieved to see Karofsky standing in the entry hall, waiting for him. Karofsky seemed alright, apparently he hadn't gotten into a serious fight with his cousin. Luckily Devon was nowhere to be seen.

Still, Kurt couldn't wait to get out of the house.

_Don't stop here  
>I've lost my place<br>I'm close behind  
><em>

* * *

><p>"ARE YOU CRAZY?" Blaine yelled at Gabriel after the phone had died.<p>

"Huh?" Gabriel shoved his hair out of his face and looked up from where he was sitting on the bed.

"How the hell could you do that?" Blaine gestured wildly and started pacing the room again.

"What did I do?" The blond man scooted over to the edge of the bed and sat upright, watching the boy freaking out.

"YOU TOLD KURT TO COME TO L. A.!" Blaine exploded and stopped short in front of Gabriel. "You even told him the address of this horror house! What on earth were you thinking? It's too dangerous for him to come here!"

Gabriel sighed. "Don't you understand? The boy doesn't care about danger when it comes to you! He'd do anything for you."

"I KNOW THAT!" Blaine barked at him. "Kurt would face the dragon for me anywhere and anytime! But I don't want him to! I want him safe! He already got hurt! He got beaten up for God's sake! I don't need you to encourage him!"

"Oh kitty, I don't think your boyfriend needs encouragement," Gabriel countered crossing his arms. "He just needs someone to point him into the right direction."

Blaine shook his head and wrapped his arms around his middle. "Or is this part of the plan?" he asked now with a tiny voice, hurt spilling over.

"Plan? What plan?" Gabriel shook his head confused.

"You're working hand in hand with her, aren't you?" Blaine accused him. "Is this some cruel game you and Valerie like to play?"

"I'm telling you I'm not working with Valerie," Gabriel defended himself.

"Then how come she calls you up in the middle of the night and you talk with her all casually like you're talking to an old friend?"

"Yeah, she consulted me a couple of times about your treatment," Gabriel admitted. "I used those opportunities to talk her out of some bad stuff she wanted to have done to you. I swear to you I never teamed up with her against you, I only befriended her so she would trust me. But I promise I didn't plan this phone call with her."

"You want me to believe it's coincidence that she called you tonight when you just happen to be in my room?" Blaine asked incredulously. "Why would you even come see me in the middle of the night? Why would you have your phone on you? Looks to me like you were planning this."

"I forgot about my stupid phone, alright? Geez, I'm only human! I came because I wanted to see you because chances are that you're leaving with your dad tomorrow and I'll never see you again!" Gabriel looked away with a tormented expression. "I don't get why you're so upset! Valerie wanted me to scare Kurt away. Instead I let him talk to you. Ain't you happy?"

"You're putting him into danger!" Blaine hissed angrily. "If he's coming to L. A. he'll be in danger!"

"Seeing how he's with Valerie right now I'd say he already is in danger, don't you agree?" Gabriel retorted. "Besides, if he's anything like me he's craving for a way to get to you and nothing can stop him."

Blaine clamped his mouth shut and blinked tears away.

"Blaine," Gabriel tried with a softer tone. "Sometimes you just gotta let people fight for you..."

Gabriel reached out to pat him but Blaine flinched away from him.

"Go! Leave! I don't want you here. You're playing crazy games with me!" Blaine stood his ground and refused looking at Gabriel.

Gabriel gazed at him for a moment longer as if considering arguing his point or defending himself but then his shoulders sagged and he got off Blaine's bed.

"See you in the morning," he said but Blaine didn't reply anything. The boy just stared out of the window into the night or at his own reflection.

With a sigh Gabriel crossed the room towards the door.

"One more thing," Blaine called out before Gabriel shut the door behind him.

Gabriel peeked in again. "Yeah?"

"Why did you tell Kurt not to ask for me when he arrives here?"

"Because the receptionists are instructed to report any person who's asking for you," Gabriel answered with another sigh.

Blaine nodded to this and then turned his back on Gabriel again.

When the door closed and he was alone, Blaine threw himself on the bed and burried his face into the pillow. He felt betrayed and alone and empty. Most of all he hated being caged while Kurt was out there somewhere tonight with Valerie and whomever just to get to him.

_Out of the doubt that fills your mind  
>You finally find<br>You and I collide  
><em>

* * *

><p>Kurt got into Karofsky's car, clutching Blaine's scarf in his hands and holding his head up high while they drove back the long driveway that lead to the house. However, Kurt felt his brave facade crumble as a panic attack was building up inside of him. The moment they drove through the gate and reached the main street he gasped, "Please stop, I need to get out."<p>

"What is it?"

"Just stop!"

Karofsky parked at the curb and Kurt tumbled out of the car, taking deep breaths and trying to fight the panic down. He felt like he was going to throw up or perhaps even pass out. "It's okay," he told himself, "it's alright." But he was hyperventilating and didn't know how to calm down.

He'd finally talked to Blaine who was still in that facility.

Valerie had called him just to mock him.

Devon didn't even need to move one finger to reduce him to a frightened mouse hiding in the corner.

And the only guy he felt safe around now was David Karofsky.

When had his life become this messed up?

Kurt was fanning himself with fluttering hands, moving up and down the curb. He remembered what Finn had told him about techniques for fighting down a panic attack.

Taking deep breaths and moving around and distraction.

Taking deep breaths, moving around, distraction.

For a split second Kurt wished Finn was here. But then he remembered how messed up Finn was right now. Funny how it was more awkward being around someone who claimed to love you than it was to be with someone who hated you.

Kurt stopped running up and down the sidewalk and turned around, looking over at Karofsky who had gotten out of his car, his hands stuffed in his pockets to protect against the cold, and watched him kind of annoyed.

"Come back into the car, will ya?" Karofsky shouted over to him. "I'll drive you home."

Kurt wasn't sure about Karofsky. The guy couldn't really hate him or else he wouldn't be so supportive, right? And protective. After all he claimed he'd watched out for Kurt.

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
>Even the stars refuse to shine<br>_

It was a cold night but the sky was clear and filled with stars. Kurt gazed up at them through the branches of the trees lining the street and clamped his lips tightly together to keep himself from crying.

He couldn't even remember everything he'd said to Blaine, he'd been that nervous and overwhelmed. He just remembered Blaine telling him that he loved him, something he didn't dare hoping to ever hear again.

Slowly he walked back to the car. Karofsky followed suit and they both got in the car and pulled the doors shut. Without a word Karofsky started the ignition and drove on. Kurt could sense that the jock was tense and worked up by what had just happened, too.

"What did Valerie say to you when you were alone with her?" Karofsky asked after they'd left the sign of Newark behind.

"Don't worry about it," Kurt replied. He was busy repeating the facility's address in his head until he remembered he could simply save it in his phone. He got his phone out and quickly typed it in as a reminder. Also this guy's name, Gabriel O'Brien.

"Whatever she said don't let it get to you," Karofsky offered as consolation. "She's just a mean girl."

Kurt looked up and studied Karofsky's profile. "You really have no clue what's going on, do you?"

Karofsky shrugged and cast him a sideway's glance. "You mean what's going on with your boyfriend? I heard he snapped and tried to end it with some pills. But I don't know how Val and Dev are involved. I mean I knew they worked for Mr Anderson but I didn't know he was your boyfriend's dad."

"Valerie says she's in charge of Blaine's treatments. He's in some kind of mental facility right now," Kurt explained. "In Los Angeles."

"Do you really have a lawyer on Devon?"

"Not yet," Kurt admitted. "But I want to. You're still in?"

Karofsky nodded firmly. "It's time to take a stand."

"Thank you," Kurt said. "And thanks for having my back in there even though they were your cousins."

Karofsky didn't say anything which made Kurt feel unsettled.

_Out of the doubt that fills my mind  
>I somehow find<br>You and I collide  
><em>

"You know," Karofsky started after a while. "Ever since you left McKinley I can't stop thinking about you."

"That's what people call guilty conscience." Kurt provided with a sing-song voice.

"No, it's something else," Karofsky replied. They were at a stoplight and still Karofsky kept his eyes straight ahead.

Kurt kept quiet and hoped Karofsky wouldn't elaborate. He didn't really want to know what it was that made the jock think of him.

_I'm quiet you know  
>You make a first impression<br>I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

**Howie Day – Collide**

* * *

><p><strong>Alright, I've just finished chapter 42. We will learn more about Karofsky and his reasons for terrorizing Kurt at McKinley and now helping him. But it turned out very angsty so I'll wait another week before I post it.<strong>

**I'm already working on Chapter 43 and 44. And just FYI chapter 44 is the one where Blaine FINALLY talks to his father and we get to meet Richard Anderson! Yay!**

**Stay tuned! :***


	42. Kissing You

**SORRY! For keeping you waiting so long! I can't believe I let Kurt sit in a car with Karofsky for such a long time _again_! **

**WARNING! This chapter turned out very angsty! But well, you're reading an angst story, so no surprise here. **

**Oh, you might wanna put on your Romeo & Juliette soundtrack and listen to Des'ree, Kissing You. Apparently that's what I did while writing this chapter. Sorry in advance. Btw, yes, you're allowed to hate me after this chapter but please be nice about it. ;)**

**Next chapter will be up by tomorrow!**

* * *

><p><strong>Kissing You<strong>

_Where are you now?_

They were driving for a while and once again Kurt found the silence unbearable, especially since now his mind was reeling with everything that had happened with Valerie, Karofsky, Devon, Gabriel, but most of all, Blaine! Right now it was too much to sort through in his head. He needed some distraction.

He turned to talk to his driver.

"So, obviously the badass genes run in your family?" Kurt said jokingly, although he found it was very true.

"Yeah we're pretty fucked up," Karofsky confirmed with a humorless laugh. "Except my dad, he's alright. But he doesn't know how messed up I am."

"You're not messed up," Kurt said before he knew what he was saying. Because, yeah, actually David was pretty messed up but although Kurt despised him for his past crimes and was unlikely to forgive him, he could see where Karofsky was coming from.

"At least you're willing to work on yourself," Kurt continued. "That's a start."

Karofsky didn't say anything to that. He just stared straight ahead.

_Pride can stand a thousand trials_

_The strong will never fall_

Kurt let his fingers run over the fabric of the cashmere scarf but he hated that the smell of Valerie's perfume violated its perfection where there should be the smell of Blaine's skin and aftershave. Oh how he missed the smell of Blaine's warm skin when he used to nuzzle into the crook of Blaine's neck, something he'd done only so rarely because he'd been way too shy to allow himself to succumb to his boyfriend's charm, too scared to just surrender when in his dreams loving Blaine was all he could picture himself doing.

_Heaving heart is full of pain_

_Oh, oh, the aching_

It was as if life was punishing him, mocking him for his shyness. As if it was saying, _you've had your chance for intimacy but you've always kept your boyfriend at a distance_. Now there was nothing but distance and he missed being able to touch him and kiss him and breathe in his wonderful musky scent more than anything.

Kurt rested his forehead against the cold window and stared out into the nightsky again. It was a full moon with sparkling stars surrounding it.

Some nights at Dalton he would sneak out of the dormitory to take a walk outside with Blaine. They'd wander around the premises or sit on a bench and talk and watch the stars. Blaine had loved the romantic scenery and kissing underneath a starry sky was highly romantic in his opinion. Kurt had just gone along, enjoying Blaine's cute attempts at romance and of course enjoying his lips on his own.

_But watching stars without you_

_My soul cried_

Kurt closed his eyes and started fantasizing about kissing Blaine, just dreaming away, indulging in the sound of Blaine's voice which was still ringing in his ear.

He remembered what it felt like kissing Blaine, the soft curve of his lips, the hot touch of his mouth on his own. Blaine's tongue asking for entrance and then dancing this beautiful tango with his own, teasing him, and pleasing him, eliciting delicious moans from out of each other's throats while their hands took off on their own.

_Heaving heart is full of pain_

_Oh, oh, the aching_

'_Cause I'm kissing you_

_I'm kissing you_

The wiper blades on a slow speed gently pulled him out of his dreaming, back into reality. He looked straight ahead and noticed with a sigh that it had started to snow again. Illuminated snow flakes were dancing lazily in front of the headlights.

_Where are you now?_

They were just entering the forest road again and to Kurt's disappointment the branches of the trees were blocking most of the snow coming down. He liked watching snow flakes. It was kind of soothing.

"Come back to McKinley," Karofsky said all of a sudden.

Kurt stared at him wide eyed. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I'm asking you to come back. I won't mess with you anymore, I swear." Karofsky sounded all sincere and determined.

"David," Kurt said slowly, carefully weighing his words, "you've made my life at McKinley a living hell. You think speaking up for me once will change things? I still don't trust you."

"Then give me a chance to earn your trust," Karofsky insisted. "Look, you are the only one who knows about me."

"So what? You want me under your watch?"

"No, I just can't stand not seeing you every day. Not knowing you're okay."

Kurt shook his head. Karofsky's words didn't make sense. "_You_ were the one hurting me, Dave. I wasn't okay with you around."

"Yes, you were," Karofskydisagreed, sounding so sure about it that Kurt wondered if perhaps they lived in different dimensions and in Karofsky's world shoving people into lockers actually was being nice to them.

"Listen, I'm grateful that you're driving me tonight," Kurt said with a sigh, too tired to get into an argument over this right now. "Thank you also for, well, _stalking_ me and making sure Devon wasn't on my trail again." He bit down on his lips and added, "I owe you."

Karofsky slowed the car, left the road and drove towards a small grove. Kurt immediately tensed up, sensing something was happening. "What are you doing?"

No answer. Karofsky parked on a narrow path, out of sight of the main road, and the lights of the car illuminated the surrounding trees.

He switched off the ignition.

"Why are we parking here?" Kurt demanded in a stronger voice.

"You said it yourself," Karofsky murmured, his hands still fixed on the steering wheel and his eyes looking straight ahead at something only he could see. "You owe me."

Oh. My. God. Kurt felt his stomach clench with dread. What was Karofsky up to? "What I _meant_ was if you ever needed a favor I'd gladly see if I could help you out and..."

"Relax, Hummel. I just wanna talk."

Kurt stayed mute, waiting for him to continue, still tense but fighting his fear down. Karofsky wanted to talk. Okay then. They would talk. He owed him as much.

However, Karofsky didn't say a word for a long time, he just sat there, pondering, his face hard like stone. After a long while, Kurt cleared his throat and asked, "What do you want to talk about?"

He was unconsciously fingering his _Klaine_ bracelet, stroking it and twirling it around his wrist over and over again. Taking comfort of the smooth touch underneath his fingertips.

Karofsky leaned back into his seat, his shoulders slumped down and his face crumpled into a grimace of sorrow. "I wanna tell you something I've never told anyone before."

On first impulse Kurt wanted to say, _Don't! I don't wanna hear it! I don't want to be your confident!_ But then his compassion won over. Karofsky had no one to talk to. He'd been willing to drive him all the way to Newark, the least he could do was listen to his problems and show him some sympathy.

"Alright, go on," Kurt said gently, when Karofsky didn't talk on. The sooner they got this done and over with the sooner they'd be on the road again.

"When I was younger I used to spend summer breaks at my aunt and uncle's," Karofsky began. "I would hang out with my cousin, Devon, who was three years older than me. I was really fond of him back then, he was like an older brother to me and I looked up to him. I was so happy that he even would spent time with me and let me join his gang of friends although I was just a stupid little boy. We would do guy stuff, you know, play pranks on girls, secretly smoke cigarettes, play-fight with each other. When he got sixteen he got a car and he would invite me along to cruise with his guys. We had a lot of fun."

"That sounds... nice," Kurt provided, not sure where this was going.

"I had just turned thirteen and again I spent summer time with Devon and his friends Jordan and Andrew. It was on a hot Tuesday night, we were bored and moody and cruising along town, looking for some fun. I was sitting in the back of the car and I was anxious to do something, letting off some steam. Just earlier we had fought, a little bit of wrestling and I liked doing that because it allowed me to get close to a guy and I enjoyed the feeling of another boy's body close to mine. I knew that my feelings were weird and I shouldn't be feeling stuff like that but I just couldn't help it. I was afraid, though, that the other's might find out about me."

Karofsky let his finger run along the bottom curve of the steering wheel, not looking at Kurt.

"That night we stopped at a diner and ate some burgers. When we got outside again, Devon saw this boy. He nudged Andrew and Jordan and me and we all looked across the parking lot. They knew him from school. His name was Chester and when I saw him I got excited because he was, well, he was just breathtakingly beautiful."

Kurt arched his eyebrows at that choice of words and clamped his lips shut as not to let a comment slip like, _awww, you're a romantic at heart, aren't you?_ However, he smiled warmly at Karofsky. What a cute story about how he discovered his first feelings of being gay.

"Devon called out for him, 'Hey Ches!' and I knew instantly from the menacing tone in his voice that this wouldn't be good. Chester turned his head towards us and there was a look of horror on his face, like he knew my cousin already. Before he could run we had him circled. He was much smaller than Devon and the guys. He was rather delicate with feminie features and blond hair. 'We were just about to drive downtown. Wanna join us, Ches?' Devon invited him and lay an arm around Chester's shoulders and I remember feeling a sting of jealousy because I wanted to be the one who was close to that boy. Of course the kid didn't wanna come with us but he was practically shoved into Devon's car. He sat in the backseat between Andrew and me and I just couldn't stop staring at him. He was so damn beautiful."

Karofsky clenched his fists and Kurt's smile dissolved as he finally got where this story was heading.

"We didn't drive downtown. We drove into the woods. We got out of the car and Chester was dragged out by Andrew and Devon. At first I wasn't quite aware of what was happening. I knew Devon liked to shove smaller kids around, make fun of them, give them a good punch. Nothing I hadn't seen before. 'The weak deserve to be punched,' he would say. 'How else are they supposed to get stronger.' They shoved Chester around, laughed at him, called him faggie, homo, queer. At one point he tried to run away which was pointless because there was nowhere to run. They caught him. _I_ caught him." Karofsky hung his head in shame and drew a shaky breath.

"I wanted to be the one who held him while he would get a bit of a pounding. I couldn't think of anything else but being close to him, holding him tight, feeling his body against mine. This was the only way it could ever happen, without anyone getting suspicious about me. Chester was trying to shake me off but Devon had shown me how to get a firm grip on someone, how to hold him steady so he couldn't move a finger. I was behind him, my arms locked around him, feeling the heat and the fear steaming off his body and then..." Karofsky choked down a sob.

"What happened to Chester?" Kurt asked in a frightened whisper when Karofsky stayed mute for another long moment.

"Then Devon hit him," Karofsky continued his story, his voice so low that Kurt had to strain his ears to catch his words.

"At first in the stomach. The blow was so fierce, the two of us stumbled backwards. Chester was shaking, pleading, begging for him to stop but Devon went on. He hit his face until his nose and mouth bled. After a while Ches was limp in my arms and all my excitement was gone. I hadn't expected this. I thought they would just hit him a little but not _destroy_ him. I let go of him and he fell on the ground like a puppet, barely able to move. I felt relief that it was over but it wasn't. Devon and Jordan began kicking him. I wanted to scream at them to stop but not a word came out. I just stared in shock."

Karofsky had started weeping and Kurt felt so helpless. It was an awful story and he could see how Karofsky had carried all this guilt with him for all these years. He reached out with one hand and stroked down Karofsky's arm.

"We got to the car and drove away. At some point I said we should call an ambulance because no one would know where Chester was, no one would find him there but Devon just shrugged and said, 'Who cares, Dave, that's what happens to fags.'"

Kurt's hand flew up to cover his mouth and he whispered, "Oh, God, please tell me the kid didn't die."

"For two long days I thought he had," Karofsky admitted. "I watched the local news every hour but there was no word about Chester. Then my aunt and uncle talked about him at dinner three days later. By then everybody in the town was talking about what had happened to that kid and I was so scared. I didn't want to get into trouble. I expected every second that the cops would show up at the doorstep and ask for Devon and me but nobody came. Chester hadn't told anyone who did this to him. He was in hospital for nearly a month and shortly after he got out his parents moved away with him. I never saw him again. I wanted to go to the hospital and apologize to him but I never had the guts to actually go."

There was a pause and then Karofsky looked straight at him. "I just knew I could never tell anyone that I was gay. I never wanted to be at the receiving end of that hate. I suppressed my feelings and I nearly forgot about them."

Karofsky reached out and clutched Kurt's hand hard into both of his. Kurt's heart started pounding painfully in his chest at the touch but he didn't yank his hand away.

"Until I saw you, Kurt. All my life I did everything I could to hide so no one ever found out about me and then you came along, proud and confident, showing the world who you were and I got angry. I hated you for it. I hated you for being this open and fearless. Didn't you know that there were consequences to pay for publically showing that you're gay? Why didn't you see how dangerous it was to walk around like you did? I heard the jocks talk about you and I knew sooner or later someone would get to you. I thought it would be safer for you if it was me."

"Are you serious?" Kurt raised his voice in sheer bafflement.

"I just wanted to scare you," Karofsky elaborated, still holding on to Kurt's hand desperately. "I wanted to make you to stop! Stop being so obvious! Stop being openly gay! I thought if I was being hateful to you, you'd lay low, stay out of sight, so no one would hurt you. But you kept on doing your thing, wore your fancy clothes, so very proud."

Karofsky shook his head back and forth in distress. "That's when Puckerman started throwing you into dumpsters. I knew that was all he'd do. He likes to play the bad boy but really he's not. He would never punch someone for being different. But others would and soon you'd catch their attention, too. Like Azimo. You think Azimo's my best friend? Screw that! I just heard him trash talk about you and about gays in general. Keep your friends close, they say, keep your enemies closer. I befriended Azimo so I could have an eye on him and his actions. I made it my obligation to prevent him and others to get to you. I made it clear that you were _mine_ to torture and that nobody else but me could lay a hand on you."

"Are you saying you terrorized me because you wanted to _protect_ me from being terrorizied by someone else?" Kurt asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I just wanted to protect you," Karofsky pointed out like it should be obvious.

Kurt made a face. "Oh boy, I believe our definitions of the word _protection_ divide extremely."

"Come on, don't be a prick," Karofsky huffed. "I never physically hurt you and I made sure nobody else did."

"Now, I won't go into the details as of how painful being shoved into lockers is," Kurt said generously. "But I'd appreciate it if you'd let go of my arm!"

Karofsky looked down as if just realizing he was clutching Kurt's wrist and he let go of it.

"Sorry." Karofsky said quickly and his gaze slipped from the dashboard to the stereo before going back to rest on his steering wheel.

Kurt rubbed his violated arm. "I think we should drive on."

"Every day I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you are," Karofsky confessed, ignoring Kurt's request to get back on the road. "But I couldn't." He laughed humorless and added in a bitter tone, "I bet your precious prep-school boyfriend told you every day how beautiful you were. No wonder you fell for him."

Kurt didn't say anything. He just stared straight ahead out of the windshield. He didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to feel sorry for the person who made his life a living hell. Even if Karofsky in a twisted way truly thought he had protected him by doing so. But most of all Kurt didn't want to hear Karofsky admit just how much he liked him.

"You know," Karofsky started again. "I thought my feelings for you would go away, but ever since you left McKinley I can't stop thinking about you."

Karofsky unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to him, moving closer, way too close into Kurt's personal space for his liking. He took Kurt's hand again and once more Kurt resisted the urge to flinch away from the touch.

"David..." He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, a few more inches away from Karofsky. "I'm flattered but..."

"Please." Karofsky looked at him and asked in a low voice, "Can I kiss you? Just once."

Kurt arched his eyebrows and tensed up again immediately. "Uh, wow," he said, trying to sound nonchalant. "You _asked_. You actually treat me like a person for a change, with the right to say yes or no. I call that progress."

"Don't be a smartass," Karofsky growled.

"Well, the answer is no," Kurt patted Karofsky's hand and freed his own out of its grasp. "And I would appreciate it if we got back on the road again."

"Why wouldn't you kiss me?"

"As you probably will recall I do have a boyfriend, even if he's currently unreachable." Kurt answered harshly.

"Okay, then what is it about me? Am I disgusting to you or what?" Karofsky asked, sounding hurt and angry.

Kurt sighed. Oh dear, here's someone who's not good with rejection. "Dave, of course you're not disgusting but you can't expect me to..."

"I know I screwed up in the past and you hate me and all, but... but I wanna make it up to you," Karofsky hurried to say and almost stumbled over his own words. "I wanna make things right again so that you can see that maybe... one day we could be together..."

"David..." Kurt shook his head slowly. "I don't know what to say. I didn't even know you had those feelings..."

"Just let me kiss you once," Karofsky begged, his voice raw with emotion. "I can be tender and gentle if you just let me show you... I can be a great boyfriend. I'd do anything for you, Kurt."

"You don't need to do anything for me," Kurt said with another sigh. "Just get me home, please."

But Karofsky moved closer and cupped Kurt's face with one hand, stroking his cheek and down his chin. "You are so incredible beautiful, Kurt, and I need to do this now. It's the only chance I'll ever have because I know you'll never love me back."

Kurt froze in shock. No way. Karofsky did not just tell him that he loved him.

Karofsky leaned over to kiss Kurt.

"No!" Kurt shoved him away. "I said no!"

Karofsky grabbed his wrists and held him tight, but Kurt struggled to get free.

"Stop fighting me!" Karofsky pleaded, his face scrunched up in distress and tears escaped to run down his cheeks. "I don't wanna hurt you!"

"Then don't!" Kurt croaked horrified.

Karofsky let go of one of Kurt's hands to swiftly wipe the tears from his face. "Please, you have no idea how lonely I am," he said hoarsely and rested his hand on Kurt's thigh, stroking it up and down.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said, shaking his head back and forth. "I understand how hard it is to feel lonely..."

"No, you have no idea," Karofsky choked and pressed Kurt's arm to his chest. "You don't know what it's like... Every day and every night I fantasize about kissing you... wondering what it would be like... being with you..." Karofsky let his hand slip further up his thigh and between his legs.

"You better take your hands off me!" Kurt said sharply, however his voice didn't sound as strong as he wished it to be. "I mean it! Stop it!" Kurt grabbed Karofsky's hand to stop it from crawling all over him.

Karofsky didn't talk anymore, he had a haunting look in his eyes, desire mixed with madness. He tried to kiss him again, but Kurt twisted his head away so Karofsky didn't meet his lips but instead he kissed his jaw and down his neck.

"Let go of me," Kurt whimpered and grabbed for the handle. He managed to push the door open and slip out of Karofsky's grasp for a second but as he wanted to jump out he was held back by the seatbelt that was still on him, holding him in place. Kurt's head pounded back against the headrest of his seat.

Without a word Karofsky leaned over and shut the door firmly.

With tears watering his eyes Kurt rolled his head to face him. "Please, don't do this to me, Dave."

"Sssh," Karofsky put his hand on Kurt's face again, letting one finger run along the curve of Kurt's lips and following its way with a longing in his eyes. Karofsky's eyes fluttered shut and he moved to close the little bit of space left between them. Without thinking Kurt reacted and hit him square in the face. Instantly Karofsky leaned back, growling in pain.

With trembling hands Kurt unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door, he was just about to jump out when he felt Karofsky's hands on his shoulders, stopping him.

Kurt snapped his arm back, hitting his elbow into Karofsky's side, making him groan. When he struggled to get out again, Karofsky grabbed his arm and the back of his coat and in the process he smashed him into the door, Kurt's head sideways into the window. For a second Kurt felt dizzyandnauseated, enough time for Karofsky to wrap his arms around Kurt's chest.

"Stay!" Karofsky's pleading voice made Kurt shiver.

"No!" Kurt choked.

"I'm sorry, I won't try anything, alright? Just stay in the car." Karofsky said behind him but Kurt continued fighting to escape Karofsky's grasp, causing the jock to hold on tighter. Kurt screamed out in agony at the sudden stinging pain of his healing ribs being squeezed tight.

Karofsky let go of him at once. "Oh shit, I didn't want to hurt your injuries..."

Kurt struggled on to get out of the car, his chest hurt but adrenaline beat through his veins and helped him move. But just as he scrambled out of the car Karofsky launched forward over the passenger seat and held on to his leg. Kurt fell out of the car, facedown into the gravel while Karofsky still clutched with both hands onto his left foot.

"Let go of me!" Kurt yelled with a sob choking him.

"Stop freaking out! I said I'm not gonna try to kiss you again, okay?" Karofsky shouted back, tightening his grip on Kurt's boot. "Where d'you wanna go, stupid? There's nowhere to go!"

With a final kick, Kurt lost his left boot to Karofsky's grasp but he also got free and crawled on his hands and knees across the dirt. He didn't look back to see where he had hit Karofsky but he heard him curse and moan in pain. Good.

Kurt heaved himself forward, until he could stand up on shaky legs and run. The pain in his chest was overwhelming but he struggled on towards the darkness of the surrounding trees.

"Wait! Where're you going?" Karofsky shouted after him and Kurt heard him coming after him.

Kurt ran straight into the woods and from one second to the next it was pitchdark around him, he could only sense the darker shadows of the trees. With only one boot he stumbled forward as fast as he could to get away. He heard his pursuer shouting after him but he didn't stop.

"Kurt! Come back! I won't do anything I swear! Just come back! Let me drive you home!"

Kurt hid behind the trunk of an enormous tree while his heart was beating so crazy fast like it was about to detonate and tear him into pieces.

"This is just crazy, where are you going? It's freezing cold, dammit! You wanna die out there?"

Oh God, oh God, oh dear God. What had he gotten himself into? Karofsky could easily rape him and kill him and have his body disposed in the woods and no one would ever know. No one would ever suspect Karofsky because why would Kurt get into a car with his former tormentor? Even Valerie would applaud Karofsky for getting rid of him.

But was Karofsky a killer? Did he really believe Karofsky was capable to do this?

Yes, in this instant in the panicked state he was in Kurt believed it. He just had to think back to the day Karofsky had threatened to kill him and yes, Karofsky would do anything to keep his secret safe. Furthermore, he seemed so jealous of Blaine. If Karofsky couldn't have Kurt, no one should. That was most likely the way he's thinking.

Kurt tried to calm down and breathe. He was safe out here. It was too dark for Karofsky to find him, he just had to stay still and not make a sound until Karofsky drove off. And then he had to figure out how to get home.

Kurt was shivering, leaning heavy against the tree. He put his left foot with the already soakened sock on his boot to keep it off the freezing ground. With trembling hands he buttoned up his coat. He had left his scarf and gloves in Karofsky's car. He fumbled for his phone but he must have lost it in the struggle.

"Kurt? Come out, please! I'm sorry! You hear me? Just let me drive you home and forget about this, alright?" Karofsky's voice came closer and Kurt jerked up. He couldn't stay in this spot, he had to move deeper into the woods.

A thought hit him as he moved on. Blaine was the only one who knew that Kurt had been at Valerie's tonight. But until Blaine would get word of what happened to him it would be way too late already and Valerie would make sure that nobody would believe Blaine anyway.

_Heaving heart is full of pain_

_Oh, oh, the aching_

He moved slowly, careful not to stumble over roots, trying not to make a sound, but with every step the cold hard forest floor made scrunching noises, echoing too loud in his ears and he feared Karofsky might hear him.

With an unconscious move he closed his hand around his left wrist to seek for comfort at the touch of his bracelet, only to stop short and hold his breath. Kurt pulled up his coat sleeve and searched his arm for the golden jewelry, then he switched sides and tried his other arm but the bracelet wasn't there.

He felt tears pricking his eyes and a sob working its way up his throat.

It wasn't there. It was gone. On top of everything else he'd lost his _Klaine_ bracelet.

_Where are you now?_

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter:<strong>

**Des'ree – Kissing You**

* * *

><p><strong>I'm sorry, I like to torture Kurt. Don't throw stones at me, please! <strong>

**Next chapter will be up tomorrow! :)**


	43. Lost

**Lost**

When Finn got home he closed the front door behind him quietly because it was way past midnight. He'd had an unbelieveably sexy nightat Rachel's place. After a highly embarrassing talk with her dads they had practically shoved him into Rachel's bedroom and announced that they'd be going out for a couple of hours. And those couple of hours Finn and Rachel had put to good use. Finn could still feel her fingers tickle on his skin and her lips kissing him some places he'd never been kissed before. Holy Heavens, waiting for Rachel to be ready for more had truly been worth it.

Only when he crept silently through the foyer as not to wake the parents, Finn's mind went off and he remembered Kurt.

_Ah, hell. _

He had to go and check on him and somehow articulate an apology for acting like a juvenile jerk the past few days. It was late but Finn knew that Kurt couldn't find sleep these nights and most likely was up anyway. On tippytoes Finn climbed the stairs and knocked softly on Kurt's door. "Kurt? It's me," he whisper-called. "You up?"

No answer. Slowly Finn pulled the doorknob and took a quick peek into Kurt's room. It was dark and quiet, he listened for breathing sounds or snoring but when his eyes adjusted to the dark he noticed that Kurt's bed looked empty. Finn switched the lights on and his heart froze when he found that Kurt's bed indeed was unoccupied but there was something else that immediately caught his eye.

A note on Kurt's bed.

In two long strides Finn crossed the room and picked the note up. He read it and cursed under his breath.

_Be back in a couple of hours. Don't worry. Kurt_

Dammit, Kurt! Where have you gone?

Finn pulled his phone out and dialed his brother's number. However, after a while his call went to voicemail. Why the hell didn't he answer?

Finn started pacing Kurt's room, trying to figure out what to do. Where could Kurt have gone? His car was still parked in the driveway, so he couldn't have gone far. He wasn't taking a walk in the neighborhood, was he? All alone and after what happened on New Year's Eve? No, Kurt couldn't be that dumb.

Finn jumped when the phone in his hand started ringing.

'_Kurt calling'._

Oh, good Lord, thank you! Finn answered the call with a relieved sigh. "Kurt, where are you?"

"Hudson," a low voice answered, definitely not Kurt's voice. "This is Karofsky."

"Karofsky?" Finn almost shouted into the phone, bewildered. "Why do you have Kurt's phone?"

"He lost it and I just found it when you called... look, I need your help. Kurt's run off... I didn't mean to scare him... I just... I don't know I just... You gotta come here and help me find him! He's hiding somewhere and he won't come out when I'm calling him."

"Wait, what's going on? Where is he?" Finn demanded.

"Somewhere in the woods," Karofsky said miserably. "You know the forest road to Newark?"

"Yeah I know it but what the hell is Kurt doing out there with you?" Finn raised his voice dangerously.

"No time for explanations, man. Just come here before he freezes to death!"

"Alright, I'm on my way but if I find out you did something to him I'll kill you!"

"Do whatever you have to but hurry the fuck up!" Karofsky told him. "And bring flashlights! It's pitch black out here."

"Damn," Finn muttered as he put his phone away and hurried out of Kurt's room.

"Hey, what's with the yelling?" A sleepy Burt stuck his head out of his bedroom door.

Finn hesitated only for a second. Usually he wouldn't rat on his brother. But he realized it wouldn't do any good to cover for Kurt in this case. This was not a _I sneak out_ _in the night to meet my boyfriend_ situation. This was a _I sneak out to find my boyfriend and possibly get killed along the way_ situation.

"Kurt's gone," Finn said.

"What do you mean? Where is he?" Burt was wide awake in an instant. He crossed the hall and stormed into Kurt's room. "Kurt?" Burt called out as if Finn was just pulling his leg. He looked around Kurt's room, even behind the door and in the bathroom as if Kurt was hiding somewhere.

Finn noticed the way Burt froze when he found the note that Finn had put back on Kurt's bed. For an awful moment Finn thought Burt might have another heart attack.

"I'm sure he's alright," Finn hurried to say, although he wasn't sure at all. "I'm going to get him!"

"When did he leave?" Burt asked quietly, the hand holding the note was trembling. "And where's he gone?"

"I don't know when he left. I just got home," Finn explained. "All I know is that he's in the woods a couple of miles from Newark."

"What's he doing there? Was it him you just talked to on the phone?"

"No, Karofsky called me. He asked me to come and help look for Kurt. Apparently Kurt ran away and got lost."

"Are you telling me Kurt is out there in the woods right now? Do you have any idea how cold it is tonight? And how on freaking earth is that Karofsky-kid involved?

"I don't know!" Finn exclaimed exasperated.

"We'll take my car!" Burt went back into the master room to put on some pants.

"What's wrong?" Finn heard his mother mutter sleepily.

"You better come with us," Burt told his wife. "Kurt's sneaked out and we need to go find him."

"Oh, my God!"

"We need flashlights!" Finn announced.

"Basement! First cupboard on the left!" Burt instructed him and Finn raced downstairs.

* * *

><p>"Hummel, this is getting ridiculous, you hear me? Just come out, will ya? Kurt? KURT!"<p>

Karofsky grew more and more desperate. It was fucking cold and he felt like his toes would fall off just from walking up and down the small grove, waiting for Finn. He'd called out to Kurt a couple of times more, but he was afraid that Kurt just wouldn't listen to his shouting. That was if Kurt was still in ear shot. Karofsky had no flashlight in his damn car and he didn't want to go into the dark woods without any lights.

He fingered Kurt's phone in his pocket. He'd found it in the foot space of the passenger seat when it had been ringing. He'd checked who'd tried to reach Kurt and saw that it had been Finn Hudson. It was then Karofsky realized he needed help to get Kurt to come out. Calling Finn Hudson had been an act of desperation.

Dammit! Why had he been so fucking stupid? Why couldn't he just keep his hands off Kurt Hummel?

Karofsky didn't have an answer. In that moment he'd just been so desperate and so lonely. He knew that Kurt would never love him, yet he was hoping. All he'd wanted was a kiss. But yeah, he got it now. He was in no position to ask Kurt for anything.

You couldn't make someone love you back, you couldn't make someone want to kiss you. But why couldn't Kurt see that everything he'd done in the past had been to protect him? He had played the part of the asshole just to make sure Kurt was safe. Walking up to him and telling him he liked him had never been an option. Not in this fucked up world.

That's why it bugged him that for Kurt and his boyfriend it had seemed so easy to just go and tell everyone that they were gay and that they loved each other. How could they be so brave and reckless? Where did they find the strength to just be themselves?

Why couldn't he bring up the courage to simply tell the world how he truly felt inside when he was supposed to be such a strong guy, at least on the outside? It was inside where he felt weak and pathetic most of the time.

How would his life have gone differently if he'd only had the courage to tell Kurt how much he loved the color of his eyes and the sound of his adorable giggle and the sight of his perfect butt. They could have been a couple long before Kurt even met that Blaine prick. They could have walked down the halls of McKinley hand in hand and Karofsky could have shoved those idiots into lockers who made rude remarks on them. Instead he'd chosen to smash Kurt into lockers when all he'd really wanted was just being near him.

Karofsky didn't even know what he had hoped for by helping Kurt tonight. Perhaps some appreciation for spending days and nights on watch duty, making sure nobody got to him again. Yeah, keeping him from greater harm at McKinley by doing the greatest harm himself hadn't been his smartest move he realized that now. But he didn't want to keep on being the bad guy anymore. And yet he had screwed up once again.

Karofsky walked up and down alongside his car blowing warm breath into his cold hands. He'd parked close to the main road with his headlights directed at the street, so Finn wouldn't miss him. He checked his watch again.

Where the hell was Finn Hudson?

Every passing minute made him grow more and more restless. He hated that he was stuck in this goddamned situation, that he had scared Kurt away when it had been the least of his intentions. That he let himself be carried away by the fantasy that maybe despite everything Kurt could have feelings for him, too.

"Hummel, c'mon!" His voice was already hoarse when he called out again. "Finn's gonna be here any minute! You hear me? You can drive home with Finn Hudson!"

His only hope was that Kurt was hiding somewhere nearby and would come out as soon as the stupid quarterback arrived. It wouldn't do any good if Kurt was walking blindly deeper into the woods and got lost.

* * *

><p>It took them less than an hour to get to the forest. The air in the car was tense, nobody spoke until they arrived the small clearing where Karofsky's car was parking.<p>

"I'm gonna kill Karofsky," Finn muttered through clenched teeth.

"No jumping to conclusions, boys," Carole warned sternly because both of her men had deadly looks on their faces. "We don't know what's going on yet."

"Whatever it is, as long as it includes Karofsky it's bad," Finn grumbled.

"He called you for help," Carole reminded her son. "That's at least one point in his favor."

Burt parked behind Karofsky's car and they all got out. Finn spotted Karofsky who was standing near, out of the light beamof his car's headlights he was almost swallowed by the surrounding darkness.

"Finally!"

They were greeted by Karofsky who came towards them, eyeing Burt and Carole warily. "What took you so long, Hudson?"

"I had to find something nice to wear and put some makeup on first, you idiot!" Finn snapped at him. "You really think we didn't come here at warp speed?"

"Okay, okay," Karofsky turned in, holding his hands up.

"Alright, boy, what's going on here?" Burt asked as calmly as possible but Finn could tell that his step-father was on the edge of bursting.

"No time for long explanations. We gotta find Kurt. He ran off in this direction." Karofsky pointed into the darkness.

"And _why_ did he run off?" Finn asked with a strain in his voice and approached him dangerously. The whole situation seemed very odd and suspicious to him. What was Karofsky doing here on a hidden path in the forest with Kurt at about two o'clock in the morning? How did they get here? Did he kidnap Kurt and bring him here? Everything just screamed bloody murder to him.

Finn felt his mother stepping up next to him, squeezing his arm lightly. He knew he shouldn't jump to conclusions but this was so obvious! And if Karofsky had so much as laid a hand on Kurt...

"What did you do to him to make him run?" Finn repeated his question through gritted teeth.

"We can talk about that later after we found him, okay?" Karofsky avoided the question, clearly squirming under the intense stare of his teammate.

"We brought flashlights," Carole said and just started handing them out when all of a sudden Burt started yelling at Karofsky.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BOY?"

Even Finn flinched when his stepfather came straight up to Karofsky.

Burt had been surrounding Karofsky's car, looking out for any disturbing signs of violence. Apparently he'd found something because he was holding something up accusingly, shoving the item into the boy's face.

"What did you do to him?" Burt repeated and moved closer. Finn squinted his eyes to make out what it was that Burt was holding.

"Nothing," Karofsky stuttered. "I mean… "

Burt grabbed Karofsky by his collar and shoved him up against his truck. "If I find out that you've hurt my son I will forget myself!"

"IS THAT KURT'S BOOT?" Finn asked incredulously, taking it from Burt's grasp so his stepfather could use both hands to keep Karofsky in place.

"Yeah, he... he lost it," Karofsky explained in a strained voice.

"LOST IT?" Burt barked at him. "HOW DOES ONE LOSE A BOOT?"

Finn stared at Karofsky and suddenly felt so lost. He was scared of what might have happened to Kurt, he was shocked that Burt was about to beat up Karofsky any second and at the same time he wanted to do it himself. But most of all he wanted to stop this like a scene in a movie and rewind and rewrite the screenplay. This couldn't be happening. Kurt had to be okay.

"Please, let's not waste any more time." Karofsky didn't defend himself, he stayed pinned against his car with raised hands and pleading eyes.

"He's right. We need to find Kurt," Carole said and pushed flashlights at her husband and the bulky boy. "I say we move in a line fifty feet apart from one another. If we can't find him within the hour we need to call the police and organize a search party. He can't spend the night in the woods."

Karofsky's face crumbled and Finn could read his mind: no police!

"Let's go!" Burt grabbed a flashlight and marched into the woods, instantly started calling out his son's name.

Finn shot Karofsky one last threatening look before he took off, too. He switched on his flashlight and moved in a parallel line to the main road.

The light of the flashlight didn't shine far. He couldn't see farther than the surrounding trees within a few feet range.

"Kurt! It's me, Finn! We came to get you home! Kurt? Where are you?"

After a couple of minutes Finn stopped calling out for Kurt. The thick trees drowned out any sound anyway. His mother was not too far from him, but he hardly heard her shouting. It was only Burt's voice that kept hollering desperately through the stillness of the woods, making the hair on Finn's arms stand up and a shiver crawl up his spine.

If Kurt was nearby he would have shown himself by now which made Finn think that Kurt was either unconscious or too far gone already. Either way, shouting was useless. So Finn kept quiet and strained his ears to make out any weird noises around him.

However, the only sounds were the rustling of dry leaves when he walked. Roots caught his feet and branches scratched him although he tried to avoid them. How was Kurt managing without any lights at all?

_We're doing something wrong_, Finn thought but couldn't grasp what it was.

He tried to put himself in Kurt's place.

For one, Kurt had no flashlight, he stumbled across the darkness blindly with only the faint moonlight guiding him.

Finn turned off his flashlight and stopped, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

Furthermore, Kurt was missing a shoe. He wouldn't really walk through the woods with only one shoe, would he?

When Finn thought about it, there only were three options:

One, Kurt was hiding somewhere nearby. But then why didn't he answer to their calls?

Two, Kurt was actually unconscious which was an option Finn didn't like at all. If Kurt had been lying here somewhere for the past hour... No, Finn didn't allow himself to dig deeper into this troubling train of thought.

Three, Kurt was still on his feet and moving. Kurt was a fierce one, he was strong despite his fragile looks. Finn was positive that Kurt wouldn't want to get lost in the woods and stumble around in the darkness, he would have headed for the street because the asphalt was easier to walk on and he simply had to follow the road to get home. Because, yes, as stubborn as Kurt was he would try to walk all the way home by himself.

Why hadn't they seen him when they drove down the street to get to Karofsky's parking spot?

Finn let out a sigh. The answer was actually quite easy.

Kurt was smart. Correction. He was an independent fool. He would jump off the street and hide in the woods each time he'd hear a car or saw the headlights of an approaching car. If a car came from behind it could be Karofsky looking for him. Also, he wouldn't want to be picked up by a stranger who might ask questions. He didn't want the police to get involved. He just wanted to get home on his own.

Finn turned to his right where there was the road not too far away and quickened his pace, praying that he was right.

When he reached the road he turned to the direction towards Lima and fell into a light jog, scanning the road ahead which was only illuminated by the full moon. His sneakers made low slapping sounds on the asphalt.

After a long jog he finally stopped to take a breath. Doubt crept in. Looking for Kurt on the road was a waste of time when his brother was lying in the woods somewhere, unconscious. Finn was just about to give up and turn around when he caught the glimpse of a moving figure in front of him, a dark shadow against the lighter shadow of the road.

"Kurt?" he called out tentatively and the figure stopped moving.

"Kurt!" Finn called again, hope rising in his chest and his voice. To his utter bewilderment the person in front of him left the road and fled into the woods, hiding away. "No, wait! It's me, Finn! Don't run away!"

The person stopped but didn't make a move towards Finn.

"Kurt, it's me, Finn. Wait, I have a flashlight," he informed Kurt as not to startle him. "I'm gonna switch it on, alright?" He pointed the light to the ground as not to blind Kurt, then he moved it slowly up to his own face. "See, it's just me. I'm here to pick you up, get you home."

He took a step towards his brother.

"Stop!" Kurt called out, his voice trembling with fear. Finn froze on the spot, his heart beating out of his chest at the realization that his brother didn't trust him.

"Kurt, please..." Finn approached Kurt slowly like a wounded deer.

"I'm _sorry_, Kurt."

His own voice was shaking as he put all his sincere feelings into his apology. He didn't have to voice it aloud, he was sure Kurt understood what he was talking about. Sorry for kissing you. Sorry for saying I was in love with you. Sorry for not being a brother when you needed one. Sorry for all my mistakes in the past when I was too blind to see how much you were hurting.

"I'm sorry about _everything,_ Kurt."

Finn opened his arms but stayed put. "I just want to get you home, alright?"

Kurts feet, numb and heavy, finally shuffled across the asphalt of the street towards his brother.

"You alright?" Finn asked worried as he eventually made out Kurt's features in the beam of light.

Kurt shook his head back and forth and crushed into Finn's arms. He let out a heartbreaking wail of despair. For a brief moment he was a sobbing mess but his weeping faded away quickly, apparently because he was just too exhausted to cry.

"It's okay," Finn murmured and rubbed Kurt's back. "It's okay."

"I lost my…" Kurt began and choked on his words. "I lost my..."

"Your boot, yeah, I know," Finn said but Kurt shook his head weakly.

"... my bracelet," Kurt breathed. "I lost my bracelet."

"Huh? Oh... Well, don't worry, we're gonna find it," Finn promised. "We'll come back by daylight and look for it, okay?"

This promise seemed to calm his brother down, although Finn didn't think they'd actually be able to find a delicate golden bracelet in the vastness of this forest when he was sure that Kurt wouldn't even be able to retrace his own steps anymore.

"Just let me call Burt and tell him to get us," Finn said, getting his phone out with one hand, not letting go of Kurt with the other.

"Dad's here?" Kurt asked tiredly and leaned his head against his brother. He didn't ask why his family was here. He just surrendered into the warmth of Finn's embrace and let exhaustion take over.

"Got him," Finn said when Burt answered his phone and he could hear the sigh of relief his stepfather let out. "We're a mile down the road, come pick us up."

"He alright?" Burt asked anxiously.

"Yes, but he's cold," Finn said. "Hurry up." Finn stuffed his phone back into his pocket and closed his arms around his shivering brother.

"It'll take them a while to come," Finn murmured, shifting his feet as he felt the cold creeping up his legs. "They need to get back to their car first. Just hold on, alright? How about you step on my shoes," he instructed Kurt softly.

"What?" The word was almost inaudible coming from Kurt's trembling lips.

"Your foot must be frozen by now," Finn explained. "Get it off the road and stand on my shoe, alright?" Finn continued rubbing Kurt's back as his brother huddled closer against him.

Kurt had closed his eyes and leaned heavy on Finn, making him worry. Finn had seen enough movies to know that a subcooled person should stay awake by all means. "Kurt, talk to me, bro. Don't fall asleep, alright? Sleeping is a bad idea right now, okay?"

"He said he missed me," Kurt mumbled, rolling his head around on Finn's shoulder to peek at him through half-closed lids.

"Who? Karofsky?" Finn inquired appalled.

"No, Blaine," Kurt answered blearily. "He said I shouldn't get myself into trouble..."

"Well, I agree," Finn said, thinking Kurt must have been hallucinating or somewhat while walking down the cold road. "I dunno what you're doing out here but it's crazy, Kurt. What were you thinking cruising around with Karofsky anyway?"

"Dave wanted to help me," Kurt murmured.

"Help you?" Finn repeated with a huff. "Right. That's why you're running around the woods in the middle of the night?"

"... just doesn't understand that no means no..."

Finn heard a car approaching and turned to watch it coming. Thank God it was Burt's truck and it stopped short in front of them with squealing tires. Burt jumped out of his car and ran towards them. "Kurt! Kurt! You okay, kiddo? Are you hurt?" Burt looked him up and down, then took his face into both hands and kissed his forehead. He pulled his son out of Finn's grasp and into a desperate hug.

Finn watched awkwardly and didn't know what to say because he'd never seen his stepdad like this. Burt was crying. Really crying with tears running down his face. Even his mother shed some tears in relief as she stepped around the car to join them.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said miserably and was drawn into another firm embrace by his father.

"You really had me scared here, kiddo. Don't you ever do something like this again."

"Come now, let's get you into the car," Carole said, guiding Kurt and her husband off the road. She was holding Kurt's lost boot and watched the boy closely as he limped to the car.

"Sit down in the back," Burt instructed his son and helped him inside just as another car stopped behind them.

Finn tensed up as Karofsky got out of his car, slowly approaching them. He held something in his hand for Finn to take. "His phone," Karofsky said and Finn acknowledged it with a nod.

"Is he alright?" Karofksy asked quietly, looking awful and guilty as hell.

"We don't know yet," Finn replied gruffly.

Karofsky took a few more steps until he was on the level of Burt's truck and able to take a look at Kurt. "Kurt?" he addressed him cautiously and waited a second until their eyes met. "I just wanted to say again that I'm sorry, alright?"

Kurt didn't respond but his father whirled around and grasped Karofsky hard by the jacket, shoving him backwards. "You stay away from my son!"

"Easy!" Karofsky held his hands up in defense. "I never meant to harm him!"

"Dad," Kurt's voice was low and weak but it carried over to them. "Stop it."

Slowly Kurt got out of the car again and approached Karofsky while his family was watching him tensely.

"Don't you..." Kurt started to say as he stepped closer to Karofsky, his voice low and menacing. "Don't you ever say you love me again. Ever! You don't know what love is, Dave. You have no idea what it means to love someone... and to do anything to be with that someone..."

Kurt was trembling and his voice brimming with contained rage. "You know what desire and _want_ is but that's not love. You don't even know me, I'm just an image in your head. If you really loved me like you claim you do, you'd never done this to me, you'd never crossed that line."

"I shouldn't have kissed you, alright," Karofsky admitted, shifting awkwardly. "But I meant every word I told you."

"Well, you were right about one thing..." With hurt and sadness in his voice Kurt shook his head. "I will never love you back."

Karofsky just stared at him, mute and defeated.

Kurt collapsed but Burt was there to catch him and bring him back to the car.

"Leave," Finn said to Karofsky through gritted teeth. "Get the hell away from here."

Slowly Karofsky retreated, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket and a sigh of resignation escaping his lips.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, I know, I know, the story doesn't move on. Sorry, I keep getting sidetracked with ideas like this one. <strong>

**Don't worry, Kurt's on his way to L. A. soon!**

**Next chapter Blaine will meet his father!**

**_mylisa777,_ to answer your question, this story has kind of grown a neverending story. I can't tell how many more chapters there'll be, but I still have enough ideas to have at least another 40 chapters coming up. I'm sorry it takes me so long to finish this story but as long as I have ideas I'll keep going with this one. I'll try not to get sidetracked too much, I promise. Also, as soon as Blaine's out of the facility I think the speed of the story will pick up again.**

**Emsy, have I mentioned lately how much I love you? Thank you for being such an amazing friend! :* One year friendship anniversary coming soon!**

****Next chapter will be up tomorrow!****


	44. Father and Son

**Father and Son**

Blaine walked down the hallway like he was on the way to his execution. In fact he was walking so slowly that the orderly stopped and turned to look at him, raising his eyebrows. "How about moving a little bit faster?"

Blaine sighed and wrapped his arms around his middle. "I'm sorry, it's just... well, I've been waiting to talk to my father since… well, since I woke up in this place, but now… I'm just…"

"Do I look like I care?" The man said rather harshly and motioned for him to hurry up. "Just keep moving."

Blaine quickened his pace to keep up with the man and silently wished that it was Gabriel who escorted him to the meeting with his father. But since he'd yelled at Gabriel so angrily last night Blaine didn't really expect him to ever show up again.

He had been given his own clothes today. It felt incredible good and soothing to be able to wear his own pair of jeans and a black button down shirt rather than the oversized cotton clothes he had to wear the past few weeks. All he needed were his own shoes to make him feel like he finally had both feet on the ground again. But for now the slippers were just fine.

All the way down he hall he kept playing with his bracelet, putting one finger underneath it and moving along the smooth length of it, taking comfort at having it on him and knowing Kurt wore his, too. However, Blaine's anxiousness grew when he noticed Valerie standing in front of the door to the guest lounge.

After everything Shane signaled him about Valerie's taking part in his situation Blaine knew he couldn't trust her but there still was a little part of him hoping that she'd turn out to actually be on his side.

Even Gabriel told him that he couldn't trust her. That it had been her who had meddled with his treatment plan. But perhaps if it hadn't been for her his father would have had Blaine brainwashed by now. He wanted to believe that Valerie's ulterior motives were to help him.

"Blainey!"

However, when she flew towards him with a wide fake smile and her arms wide open, he tensed up and didn't return the hug.

All he could think of was that she had been with Kurt last night. She was as close to Kurt as he was gonna get for now. He wondered if she had touched Kurt, maybe shaken his hand or brushed his arm and suddenly he felt so jealous that she had been able to be near Kurt. He wanted to know everything about her encounter with his boyfriend but he couldn't ask her. Was it ridiculous that he tried to smell Kurt's scent on her?

Gabriel said that Valerie had tried to scare Kurt away. Blaine wasn't sure yet that this was a bad thing. Perhaps she was doing this because she was worried about Kurt's safety if he kept on interfering with the Anderson family. Was this her true motivation? Was she actually trying to keep Kurt out of this mess in order to keep him away from any more harm?

Somehow Blaine needed to find out what her deal was. But until then he couldn't afford trusting her.

She held him at arm's length when she noticed his reluctance towards her. "Are you okay, Blainey? Don't worry, I'm here to bring you good news!"

"Where's dad?" Blaine asked with a tiny voice and for a dreadful moment he believed that once again his father had sent Valerie to deal with business on his behalf.

But before Valerie could answer Blaine saw his father coming down the hallway to meet him. His heart started beating painfully in his chest, he was that excited to see his father who'd come personally, and at the same time dreading how the conversation between them would go.

"Blaine, there you are."

Richard Anderson stopped right in front of him, twirling a pen in his hands which was a nervous habit of his. There was something in his father's eyes that Blaine couldn't place. Annoyance? Relief? Sorrow?

Blaine looked a lot like his father. They were of the same height, his father's short hair was dark and curly but already streaked with gray. The man had dark brown stern eyes whereas Blaine's eyes were more of a creamy caramel mixed with golden honey. At least that's how Kurt had described his eye color once.

Richard had dressed all casually for the occasion. No suit, no tie, no black leather shoes. Instead a pair of sunglasses was dangling at the front of his polo shirt and he wore his all-time favorite Birkenstocks with black socks.

Blaine smiled upon seeing his dad wearing sandals and socks. It amused him not just because it was an absolute no-go and Kurt would drag a hand down his face if he ever witnessed this severe fashion faux-pas but also because it brought back some wholesome childhood memories. The Anderson family had spent every summer at their beach house. Wearing sandals had always been a sign that their father was officially off work and on family mode.

Something came to his mind that his father used to say when Shane and Blaine were mocking him about his socks. "A man's gotta do what he feels comfortable with, kids. You shouldn't ever listen to what other people say. If you feel good wearing sandals and socks so be it." It had been some really good advice but it felt like a lifetime ago. How could his father change this much? Why couldn't he just accept that Blaine was comfortable with being gay and that he felt good when he was with Kurt? Not that he was comparing Kurt with a pair of old Birkenstocks.

"Let's sit down and talk, shall we?" Richard Anderson opened the door to the empty guest lounge and went over to one of the white leather couches. "Please, take a seat, Blaine."

Valerie sat down gracefully, crossing her legs and showing off her fancy pumps and patting the space next to her, motioning for Blaine to sit next to her.

Blaine's eyes flicked across the waiting lounge to look at his father who was standing at one of the large windows, not moving to sit down himself.

Then he remembered how Kurt had insisted on him talking alone to his father by all means.

"I want to talk to you alone, Dad," Blaine said to his father and pretended not to notice the way Valerie's face fell.

"Oh, but we want to tell you the good news together," she objected cheerfully.

"I really want to talk to you alone," Blaine repeated, now full-out ignoring Valerie. He had enough of Valerie's constant interference.

"It's okay, Valerie," Richard said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Give us a moment."

"Of course." Valerie smiled silkily at Mr Anderson before she got to her feet. "I'll be right outside if you need me," she said to no one in particular and stalked past Blaine, closing the glass door behind her and moving out of sight.

Although this was how he had wanted it to be, Blaine felt even more nervous because now that Valerie was gone there was no buffer between him and his father.

Feeling awkward Blaine sat down in the middle of the couch and his father took the seat opposite of him, leaning forward.

Blaine couldn't help staring at the dark stubble on his father's face. It looked like he hadn't shaved in days. Either he was growing a beard or this was another sign of his holiday mood. Somehow it made Blaine feel betrayed. While he was suffering through unhuman treatments his father was enjoying himself at the beach?

"It's good to see you, Blaine," Richard said for starters.

_Bullshit! If you wanted to see me why didn't you come sooner?_ Blaine bit down on his lips to keep himself from slipping a mean response while his heart started aching. He couldn't allow himself to be snippy, his father was his only chance to get out of here.

"I'd wanted to come and visit you sooner," Richard went on and Blaine looked up startled, for a second he was confused whether he'd spoken out loud or his father had turned into a mind-reader.

"But Valerie said I shouldn't. That my presence wouldn't do you good and it'd be best if I left you alone for a while." Richard stared down at his hands, looking kind of defeated by the idea that his son might not want to see him.

"She told you not to come?" Blaine asked, his voice rising incredulously. "And you listened to her?"

"Well, women know better about the emotional side of things, that's a fact," Richard stated with a shrug.

"That's a silly thing to say," Blaine muttered. "Like men don't have feelings, too."

Richard cleared his throat. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately," he said. "When a man finds himself left behind by his wife and his eldest son tries to commit suicide you can bet he starts thinking."

Blaine let out a snort, not able to hold back this time. "Mom left you because you dated younger women behind her back."

"Is that what you're thinking?" Richard frowned at him.

"It's what..." _Valerie told us._ Blaine bit down on his lips and didn't finish his sentence. Valerie had told Shane and him all about their father's off-hour meetings with young women, indicating that he was cheating on their mother. Could it be that she'd been lying?

"Never mind."

"Your mother and I had differences," Richard put it, weighing his words carefully. "She thinks she's better off with her financial consultant living here in Los Angeles and I won't be in her way. Yes, I have started dating again, but only after your mother left me."

Blaine stared at a spot of light on the floor. He really didn't want to hear about his parents's respective dating situations.

After a moment of silence his father cleared his throat again. "I'm here to apologize to you, Blaine."

Blaine looked up and arched his eyebrows at his father in bafflement. He didn't know what he'd expected, but he definitely hadn't expected this conversation starting off with an apology.

"I'm sorry for getting mad at you on Christmas Eve," Richard continued. "I overreacted. I never wanted to..."

He broke off, staring down at his hands before starting over again.

"Blaine, you're my son. I only want what's best for you. I feel horrible knowing that it's possibly my fault that you took the sleeping pills. Most of all I'm sorry for the beatings I gave you that time two years ago when I stumbled over you and your... your _friend_. I was shocked to say the least but my reaction was absolutely out of line and I never should have laid a hand on you."

Blaine swallowed hard, kneading his hands.

"To tell the truth I wish I never had."

Blaine felt his throat clenching. He wanted to believe that his father really cared about him. Still, it felt surreal. This apology came so out of the blue that he didn't dare hoping.

"I know that I lost your trust that day," Richard went on. "I just couldn't look you in the eye anymore because I was ashamed of my own actions. It was also the day your mother stopped talking to me and I just couldn't bear coming home anymore, so I hid behind walls of files in my office, letting time pass by and expecting everything to just fall back in place and be normal again. But it never did and I'm sorry, Blaine, for building a wall between us."

Blaine narrowed his eyes, trying to wrap his head around the fact that his father had avoided him because he was ashamed of the way he'd treated his son.

"I always thought you wouldn't talk to me because I was gay," he finally said.

Richard flinched a little bit. "How easily it comes from your lips…"

"Just as easy as I am a _human being_," Blaine countered, his voice stronger this time.

Richard just nodded at this and pursed his lips.

Blaine didn't know what was going on in his father's head. But he wanted to believe in his sincerity. Richard Anderson may not have been a perfect father, he may not always have spent as much time with his sons as he could have but he has always been supportive. Blaine always got everything he wanted. He wanted to have fencing lessons and his father bought him the whole equipment and signed him up in a fencing school, he even showed up to matches.

Blaine was sure that if he'd wanted a trip to the moon his father would have made it possible.

But it always came with a price. Be the best fencer there is! Make me proud! Bring home perfect grades, Blaine! Bring home the most beautiful girl of all of Ohio! Of all the world! Whatever you do be the best you can be!

His father had always encouraged him with stuff like doing sports. Manly things. He had tried to make Blaine share his passion for cars and politics.

"Dad, do you really expect me to turn straight because of _this_?" Blaine asked tiredly and made a gesture, encompassing the facility and everything.

"I know I can't really change who you are," Richard admitted. "I just want to offer you a way out. A way in which we both can keep our faces."

"What does that mean?" Blaine asked. "You'd prefer telling people that your son's a mental case rather than that he's gay?"

"It's not about you _being_ gay," Richard emphasized. "But I won't have this… this _boy_ screwed with your mind and made you think that it's okay to be _out and proud_! It's not, Blaine! Not in this world! Why can't you see that you'll have no success in life if you're being openly gay. I don't want you to throw your life away like that. I want you to have everything that's worth having. That's why I don't understand why you're making it so hard for yourself. Do I have to remind you that you were attacked at your old school? Do you want to stay the victim?"

"Being gay is not being a victim," Blaine replied weakly, knowing it was senseless to argue this point with his father.

"Sometimes I get the feeling we speak different languages," Richard huffed. "Why don't you understand that I only want what's best for you! I don't want you to be unhappy because of your twisted feelings. I understand you were in an emotional turmoil and didn't see a future. Now, I want to give you a perspective, Blaine. I want to help you back on your feet again."

"I'm fine if you just let me be, Dad."

"No, you're not." His father shook his head determindedly and sounded kind of disgusted. "Just look at you, Blaine. Look at you."

Blaine was taken aback. He sat up straight, pulled a hand through his unruly curls and tried not to look offended. What was he supposed to be seeing, looking at himself?

Or more importantly, what was his father seeing?

Right now how Blaine looked and how he felt was the result of weeks and weeks in this facility, so in the end it was his father's fault if what he saw wasn't to his liking.

"What about me?" Blaine demanded, his voice wavering with only a hint of uncertainty.

"Do you like what's become of you?" Richard asked rather challengingly.

Blaine closed his eyes for a moment and clenched his fists before answering as calm as possible. "What do you want me to say when apparently it's about whether or not _you_ like what's become of me."

Richard shook his head. "Blaine, the first thing you need to understand here is that I'm on your side. I'm here to help you see where you've gone wrong. Right now you're standing at a dead end. You can't go on like before, things have to change or else you're stuck."

Blaine stared at his father, not sure where this cryptic speech was going.

"I know I have always led a firm hand with you and your brother. The world is a cruel place and I wanted to prepare you. Of course this doesn't excuse what I did and I never thought I'd be a father who hits his child. I realized now that my behavoir towards you caused you pain and might be the reason that you started hating yourself."

"I don't hate myself," Blaine muttered.

"Well, apparently you do enough to try and end things," Richard objected.

"What happened really on Christmas eve, Dad?" Blaine asked, scrunching up his forehead. "Why would I try to commit suicide? I wouldn't. And I know they've messed with my mind and want me to think I did. Yeah, I remember taking the pills but it just doesn't make sense."

"Blaine, we had a really bad fight and you were very upset," his father opened his hands in an apologetic gesture. "You went to your room and half an hour later Shane found you. We were lucky to get you to the hospital just in time."

_I want you to take over the company, Blaine. You can't do that as a gay man! No one will take you seriously._

_I don't want to run your company, Dad. I don't see myself as a lawyer or a business man. I want to become an artist, maybe a song writer and singer or a performer._

Suddenly Blaine remembered more pieces of his fight with his father.

_How do you want to make money by singing? How do you plan on supporting a family? You can sing in the shower, boy, but you can't make a living out of it._

_Look, I haven't figured everything out just yet, alright? _Blaine had tried to make his point. _But I think that by the time Kurt and I share a place in New York together we'll find a way to make a living and chase our Broadway dreams at the same time._

_You don't know what to do with your life yet, but you already know that you wanna _live_ with this boy? _His father had let out an incredulous chuckle._ Don't you see it, Blaine? Choosing to be gay is just a way to escape reality, to avoid responsibility. You're head's somewhere up in the clouds when you should be facing reality._

_How about you do it first?_ Blaine had gathered his courage to confront his father. _How about you finally face the fact that your son is gay and won't change just because you want him to?_

_Believe me, I am facing the fact and I won't watch you ruin your life any longer. _His father had stepped closer and his voice had dropped lower as he'd pointed into Blaine's face. _I don't want you to ever see this boy again! If you do there'll be consequences!_

Blaine felt his heart beat faster as the memory hit him. His dad had threatened him.

_What do you mean?_

He felt the way his heart had dropped into the pit of his stomach like it had happened only yesterday.

_If you don't stop seeing this boy I will make damn sure you won't be able to ever see him again!_

Blaine slumped back into the couch and felt his world crumble around him. He clutched his stomach, fearing to be sick any minute. His father had threatened to hurt his boyfriend. Still, some of it didn't make sense.

He licked his lips nervously and met his father's eye.

"Why did you tell Devon to attack Kurt after I'd already been admitted to this place?" Blaine asked, his voice flat and matter-of-factly. "You already had me where you wanted me. It wasn't necessary to still go and hurt him."

Richard scrunched up his forehead and looked at his son in utter confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about," Blaine said weakly. "Devon went after Kurt on your order."

"I haven't told Devon to beat up anyone," Richard said, shaking his head slowly. "What makes you think that? It doesn't even make sense. You think I'd risk getting into jail because of some teenage boy?"

Blaine was confused. Either his father was a really good liar or he really didn't know what Blaine was talking about. Could it be that it was all Valerie's plan right from the start?

Richard raised a hand. "You're still confused and imagining things, Valerie warned me about it. Paranoia seems to be some sort of side affect of your medication. I assure you nothing of that sort has happened."

"It did happen," Blaine insisted. "Kurt got beaten up on New Year's Eve."

Richard tilted his head and rubbed his chin. "Your mind must be playing tricks on you or probably you're having nightmares and confuse them to be real. Let's assume it happened, how would you even know about such a thing? Who would've told you? I thought you couldn't call people."

Blaine pressed his lips into a thin line. He couldn't rat on Gabriel or Shane.

"Please think logically," Richard said with a smile. "Why would I go after your friend?"

The answer was easy. "Because you hate him. Because you think he turned me gay."

Richard sighed deeply. "I guess I deserve your mistrust after what I did to you two years ago. I have a bad temper but I would never raise my hand against you or Shane again. Also I wouldn't harm some boy who's dear to you, no matter how much I dislike your relationship to him."

"But on Christmas Eve..." Blaine started to protest because he remembered pieces of their fight but then he knew – he sensed more than he actually remembered – that his father hadn't hit him that day. They had been yelling at each other but their fight didn't get physical. It didn't need to because the outspoken threat had been enough to keep Blaine in place.

"You said if I didn't stop seeing Kurt you'd make sure I'd never see him again."

"Yes," Richard confirmed with such determination that Blaine felt nauseated.

"By taking you from Dalton and sending you to a school here in L. A."

"That's it? I don't believe you," Blaine cried. "It would have taken a lot more to make me stop seeing him and you know it. You would have done something more drastic to make your point!"

Richard got to his feet and slowly started pacing the room, scratching the stubble on his face.

"You know, at first I thought it'd be better if I just waited it out. I thought you might realize that your feelings were just a juvenile phase but then I heard that you actually had a boyfriend and were kissing him in public and I needed to do something. Blaine, you're not realizing it now but you're ruining your life."

"I don't want people to get hurt," Blaine said, his voice no more than a whisper.

"From what I hear you're the one who goes at all the orderlies in this place," Richard replied with a chuckle.

Blaine just stared at him, not in the mood for funny.

"If you didn't tell Devon to attack Kurt, then who did?"

Richard raised his hand. "Blaine, I don't know why you think that Devon's involved in such a crime and I think you should be careful voicing such an accusiation. However, I'll offer to look into the matter and see how Kurt's doing. Alright?"

Blaine nodded stiffly. He didn't want his father anywhere near his boyfriend but if it was true and Valerie and Devon had acted on their own his father should find out about them.

"Let's get to the reason I'm here today, shall we? I have a proposition for you," Richard changed the subject and turned serious yet enthusiastic.

"Right," Blaine murmured. "Valerie mentioned something about a deal?"

"Valerie had this idea and please hear me out because I think it's brilliant," Richard sat down again and explained his idea to Blaine. "So, Valerie has agreed to help you keeping your secret by acting as your better half. Believe me, one day you'll be thanking us for doing this. It's no more than a business arrangement, really. In fact marriages have been business arrangements for centuries and..."

"You want me to _marry_ Valerie?" Blaine clarified.

"That's correct." His father beamed at him. "It's the solution to all your problems. Your reputation will be intact again and Valerie's a fine girl, she'll be all professional about it and..."

"Dad, this is insane!" Blaine burst out and this time he was the one jumping to his feet and pacing the room.

"Blaine, there's no need to get upset," Richard said calmly. "Hear me out, we have all the details figured out."

"But I don't wanna marry her!" Blaine huffed.

"Why not?" Richard asked as if he really was interested in Blaine's reasons.

"Well, for one I'm gay!"

"We know, Blaine, that's the reason we're doing this," Richard replied all smugly.

"You can't expect me to marry a person I don't love! Right now I don't even _like_ her. And she's three years older than me!"

"Who cares about age differences nowadays?"

Blaine shot his father a deadly look.

"You should consider yourself lucky. Not many women would agree to marry a gay man."

"Why would she even agree to that?"

"Well, of course she will be granted a gratification."

"You're giving her money to marry me?" Blaine settled on the armrest of the couch, shaking his head. "How much?"

"You don't need to worry about the financial side of the contract, Blaine."

"You've even set up a _contract_?" Blaine asked incredulously.

"Of course I have. You think I'd arrange this kind of agreement without settling the details on paper? I've even thought about putting in some special clause that I'm sure you'll appreciate."

"I'm intrigued," Blaine said flatly, crossing his arms.

"Now, I'm aware that you might be gay for the rest of your life," Richard opened his arms in an understanding manner. "Therefore as from the day you turn twenty-one you are granted a secret lover, just as Valerie will be granted a secret lover as well."

Blaine gaped at his father. "You're not for real, are you?"

"Yes, I am. You can have a sexual affair with a man of your choice but it has to be very discreet. You're not allowed to go to fancy restaurants or out in public with your lover but you can have someone over at your house. Well, the very details will have to be discussed then but that's not to worry about now. I don't care what you're doing in private and with whom and Valerie is a generous girl, she's okay with it. As long as you stay low and don't get sighted, you're free to be gay."

Blaine snorted in disgust. "That's not being _free,_ Dad, and I'm not stepping back into the closet. I'm not having a secret love life and a marriage on the outside."

"It's either that or I'll have you stay here until you turn twenty-one."

"You won't do that," Blaine said, feeling weak again. "That would be even worse for my reputation."

"Not if I tell everyone that you're studying abroad. Nobody will know you're in here."

Blaine was speechless. His father was a jackass after all. He knew that Blaine was desperate and couldn't stay in this place for another day, let alone three more years!

Richard nodded at Blaine's muteness. "I take your silence as a yes. We'll announce your engagement on your birthday party. Everything's already taken care of. You've got nothing to worry about."

Richard got to his feet and clapped his hands. "Okay, go get your things. We're leaving."

Blaine stared at his father for a long moment. "What do you mean, we're leaving?"

"I'm taking you with me. You've been in here long enough."

Blaine didn't know how to feel. There had to be a catch. Should he really be out of here today? After all this waiting? He slowly rose to his feet and fought hard not to cry.

"Thanks," he said hoarsely and in his mind he already listed the few things he needed to take with him, his notebook and his pink sunglasses and... oh God, he needed to say goodbye to Gabriel!

Richard went ahead and when they left the lounge Valerie awaited them. She beamed at Blaine. "So what do you say to the good news?"

Blaine didn't know what to say.

"He's overwhelmed," Richard said and put a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "Let him get adjusted to the idea."

"We're gonna get married!" Valerie engulfed him into a tight embrace and he resisted the urge to just shove her away. His only goal right now was getting out.

"I need to get my stuff," he excused himself and Valerie let go of him. She cast him a cautious look and he averted his eyes. He didn't want to see the deceit in her eyes and he didn't want to show her that he was everything but grateful for her so called selfless sacrifice. She'd put up a good act until now but he wasn't under her spell anymore. She could fool whomever she wanted but there was no fooling Blaine Anderson.

"We'll wait for you by the entrance," Richard said.

"Hurry up, Blainey!" Valerie called after him.

The nameless orderly brought Blaine back to his room where he gathered his few belongings into a duffel and took a last look around when he noticed the guitar still tucked away under his bed. He crouched down to retrieve the case and shouldered it. Of course he needed to give it back to Gabriel.

"I need to talk to Gabriel O'Brien," he told the orderly who accompanied him to the elevators.

"I'm instructed to bring you downstairs," the guy said rather gruffy.

"Is he working today?" Blaine asked but only received a shrug.

The elevator ride down appeared to take forever and all Blaine could think of was saying goodbye to Gabriel. Could it be he'd never see him again? What if their little dispute last night had been the last time he'd ever spoken to him?

"Blaine?" Valerie snapped her fingers to get his attention.

He'd stepped out of the elevator and disappointedly looked around the entry hall. A part of him had hoped that Gabriel was here, waiting for him to say farewell and tell him that everything's gonna be okay. But the blonde lanky orderly with the annoying grin on his face wasn't there.

"Come on, Blainey, what are you waiting for?" Valerie urged him on. "Put on your shoes."

Blaine glanced down. He was still wearing the facility's slippers but someone had put his sneakers next to a bench. He sat down and slowly laced his shoes, stalling for more time. Perhaps Gabriel would still show up?

"Alright, let's go!" Valerie said cheerfully when Blaine rose from the bench and grabbed his things.

"Everything's alright?" Richard asked, studying his son's solemn face.

Blaine had stopped in the middle of the foyer again, his duffel with his few belongings over one shoulder and the guitar case over the other. He didn't know why he had expected Gabriel to come to bid him goodbye. But he knew he couldn't leave without talking to him one last time. At least he needed to apologize.

Before he knew what he was doing he walked over to the receptionist's counter. "Hi!" A darkhaired woman in her thirties with glasses looked up at him. Blaine checked the name sign in front of her. "Sienna, hi, is Gabriel working today?"

"You must be _Wildcat_, right?" A smile lit up her face. "Yes, he's assigned for station 3 today, floor 15."

"Floor 15," Blaine repeated and knocked on the counter. "Thanks."

"Wait!" Sienna held out a pin to him. "Take this."

Blaine took the visitor badge, dropped his duffel and ran back to the elevators.

"Where are you going?" Valerie called after him in an exasperated voice.

"I just forgot something! I'll be back in a minute!" Blaine called over his shoulder, hitting the up button.

"We'll wait in the car," his father called out. "Take your time."

"Thanks!" Blaine tumbled into the elevator, pushed the floor button number 15 and pinned the badge on his shirt.

The door slid open to reveal an empty floor. Blaine hurried down the hall, carrying the guitar strapped over his shoulder. He passed a row of closed doors and wondered how he should find the man he was looking for. He couldn't knock at every door.

At the end of the hallway was a glass door leading to what looked like a cafeteria. No one was present so Blaine walked in and zigzagged past the tables.

"Where you think you're going?" a voice rang out and made Blaine jump. He turned around to see a middle-aged woman wearing an apron behind the counter.

"I'm looking for Gabriel," Blaine said. "Sienna said he'd be here." Putting on his puppy eyes he added, "I need to talk to him."

"As long as you don't mess with him," she said in a warning tone. "Poor guy's been in a blue funk all day. I mean more than usual, that is."

"Where is he?"

"Just went out on a break," the woman answered and before Blaine could repeat his question, she elaborated. "You know, where he always goes when he's in a terrible funk."

Blaine bit his lips before asking, "And where would that be?"

"Up on the roof terrace, sweetcake."

"Thanks!" Without losing a second Blaine took off and ran back to the elevators. On the long way up to the roof he hugged the guitar and grew more and more impatient.

When the doors opened he was met by a warm breeze and blinded by the afternoon sun. Screening his eyes with his hand he stepped out onto the familiar roof, gazing around for his friend.

At the other end of the roof he saw a guy standing by the high fence, staring out into the distance, one hand clutching the netting wire.

Blaine recognized the familiar blond head at once and broke into a run. "Gabriel!"

Gabriel turned around with a fleeting look of confusion which was instantly replaced by a cocky grin.

"Hey there, what are you doing on the loose?"

"I'm leaving." Blaine stopped in front of the taller man, panting. "With my dad."

"Wow," Gabriel's features softened into a wistful smile. "So you're finally out of here?"

"Yes, I'm out of here," Blaine nodded, still breathless. "Looks like I'm staying in L. A., though, and I have to... I have to marry Valerie."

Gabriel raised his eyebrows inquiringly.

"My dad wants me to marry her to hide the fact that I'm gay!" Blaine repeated and his voice toppled over and he choked on a sob he hadn't known had build up in his throat.

"It's alright." Gabriel put a strong hand on Blaine's shoulder and held his gaze. "Just play along until you find an opportunity to run."

Blaine nodded, inhaled deeply and hauled himself into Gabriel's arms. The young man hugged him back, squeezing him tight.

"Stay strong, Wildcat. I know you'll be alright. Everything's gonna be alright."

Blaine nodded into Gabriel's shoulder, breathing hard and wishing for a split second he could just stay and feel safe like this forever.

"What's with the guitar, kitty?"

"I just…" Blaine awkwardly let go of the man and held the guitar case up by its strap. "I wanted to give it back to you."

"Keep it."

"You suggesting that I steal the facility's property?"

"Don't be silly." Gabriel brushed his hair out of his eyes but the breeze kept messing it up. "The guitar's doesn't belong to the facility. I brought it here for you and I want you to have it. You've got better use for it than I do. Take good care of it, alright? It's kind of special to me."

Blaine hugged the guitar again. "I will. I promise."

For a moment they just stared at each other and Blaine didn't know what to say when at the same time he knew that the instant he'd left his mind would be overflowing with things he still needed to tell Gabriel.

"Listen, if you ever need a safe place to go remember this address." Gabriel told him a street and housenumber and made him repeat it.

"What's this place?" Blaine asked.

"It's my place. Apartment number 11B. You can come anytime. If I'm not at home you'll find a spare key under the mat."

"Really? That's an invitation for thieves."

Gabriel laughed. "I don't own anything worth stealing."

They grinned at each other for a moment but then Blaine averted his eyes, feeling scared all of a sudden. Scared of leaving.

"You should go now," Gabriel said softly, giving Blaine's shoulder a little nudge. "Don't worry too much, alright?"

"You coming down with me?" Blaine asked as they walked to the elevator.

"No," Gabriel said and cleared his throat. "I'll stay here for another couple of minutes. Enjoying the peaceful quietness before I have to get back to the insanity that is my job."

Blaine nodded. Tears were prickling his eyes. "Sure."

"Take care of yourself, Blaine."

"You, too," Blaine replied, stepping into the elevator and feeling incredible sad. He didn't want lose Gabriel as a friend.

Before the elevator doors slid shut Blaine put his hand in between. "Gabriel?"

Gabriel turned around again. "Yeah?"

"I think you should listen to your brother and quit your job. You need to get out of here, too."

Gabriel just smiled sadly. "You better hurry before your dad changes his mind and drives off without you, Wildcat."

Gabriel gave him one last wave and walked off across the terrace.

"Bye." Blaine whispered and put his thumb on the down button with a sigh.

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><p><strong>Don't worry, this won't be the last time Blaine sees Gabriel.<strong>

**Soon Blaine has to face his 18th birthday and engagement party! Shane and Reed will be back in the story! And Blaine makes plans to escape his future as a groom.**

**Thanks for reading! :) **

**This chapter is for _normallyweirdm_ and for _StormsInNeverland._ I love you guys dearly! I hope Blaine's little talk with Gabriel makes you happy. :***


	45. Yet Another Cage

**Hi everyone! It may not look that way, but I assure you that I do have the storyline planned out for this one. I already know when and where Kurt and Blaine will meet and be together again. It's just that I have too many ideas tumbling around in that crazy head of mine and as I'm writing them down I keep getting hit by new ideas that I want to slip in somehow. But don't worry, I've already discussed my up-coming chapters with my wonderful BFF **_**normallyweirdm**_** and she approves, so everything's fine.**

**To make it short, I really, really, really appreciate all of you hanging on, sticking with me and not giving up on this story! I love your wonderful reviews! Hearing your thoughts makes me happy. Please keep your feedback coming my way! :)**

**Please also check out my spin-off of GABRIEL which will be continued soon as well. :)**

**Sorry, this is a very short chapter, but I thought I should try the **_**short chapters, more regular updates**_** route again. ;)**

**Love, DiDi**

**26.01.2013**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. <strong>

**Places and incidents in this story are just from my imagination. **

**Shane Anderson, Reed Van Kamp and Hilde Van Kamp belong to the wonderful **_**CP Coulter**_** and her story "Dalton"****.**

**I just own my OCs Gabriel O'Brien, Valerie McVaughn, Devon McVaughn and Richard Anderson. **

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><p><strong>Yet Another Cage<strong>

"How about first thing we're gonna do is visit a hair shop? You desperately need a hair cut, Blainey," Valerie suggested and no one was more surprised than Blaine when he heard himself say, "No, thanks, but I like my hair like this."

Valerie raised her eyebrows in mute disagreement, but didn't insist on her idea. Blaine drew a hand through his curly untamed hair, the way he had it for the past few weeks. It had grown a great deal and he found that he liked it wild and free. He wasn't the dapper and always composed Blaine Anderson anymore.

The car ride was uneventful and quiet, apart from Valerie's on-going chatter which no one paid much attention to. His father didn't speak so Blaine just gazed out of the window at the high palms trees lining the road, squinting his eyes from the sun. It took them almost an hour to get to their beach house in Venice.

Devon drove through the gate of the high fence surrounding the premises and parked the car in the driveway. Blaine hadn't been here for at least two years.

"Welcome home," Valerie said with a smile and leaned forward to pat his knee. Blaine didn't reply anything. Nothing with the name _Anderson_ on it felt like home anymore.

He carried his duffelbag and the guitar inside.

The first thing he noticed was that a lot had changed.

"We did some renovations and decorations," Valerie explained proudly. "I hope you like it since we'll be living here together for the next couple of years at the least."

Blaine walked around the place and wasn't able to wrap his head around the fact that he was supposed to be living here with Valerie as husband and wife. This idea was so out of grasp that he felt like he was caught up in the wrong movie. Never would he have imagined that his life would take such a turn. As much as he'd love to tell Valerie all his objections he kept his mouth shut for now. It was no use getting into a fight with her right now. So he kept himself busy by inspecting all the rooms and their changes.

However, there was only one thing that Blaine felt drawn to like a moth to a flame.

In the middle of the sunroom there was a white grand piano. A real beauty like he'd never seen one before.

"Wow," Blaine said, approaching the white piano. He let his fingers caress the smooth surface and the black and white keys, playing a random melody. The sound of the piano was a treat for any person with perfect pitch.

"This is your birthday gift," Richard said, following him. "You still like to play the piano, don't you?"

"Really? You bought this for me?" Blaine clarified, his fingertips not getting tired of caressing the smooth surface of the white beauty.

"I thought it would make your stay here more pleasant," his father elaborated. "I know that unlike Shane you always preferred Ohio over California."

Blaine's heart warmed up a little bit at hearing this simple statement. He hadn't thought that his father had noticed how much Blaine loved being in Ohio, how much he loved their house in Newark, because he'd spend his childhood there and that he loved Dalton Academy in Westerville. He would never have chosen to live in Los Angeles. His younger brother Shane on the other hand loved California and their beach house.

"Will Shane be here for my birthday?" Blaine almost didn't dare asking.

"Of course he will, dummy!" Valerie said. Her tone was patronizing which annoyed Blaine. "Actually he'll arrive tomorrow, so you two can spend the day together."

Knowing that he would see his brother and get some emotional support was soothing him.

"You'll be alright for today?" Richard asked and Blaine looked up in surprise.

"Why? Are you leaving?"

"I have an appointment. Devon's driving me. Besides, I won't stay here with you. I have checked into a hotel."

"That's ridiculous, Dad. There's more than enough room in this house."

"That's alright," Richard said with a little grin. "I want you two to get to know each other better."

Blaine crossed his arms, feeling angry. What was this stupid remark supposed to mean? Was his father saying he wanted them to fuck around the place? Hell, he wouldn't touch Valerie even if they were married. Which he still didn't wanna do! Hell to the no! He won't marry her!

"When will you be back?" Blaine asked annoyed. He was sick of being treated like a chess figure in his own life, pushed around all over the board by others, not allowed to make his own choices.

"Tomorrow for lunch," Richard replied. "I'll pick up Shane from the airport first and bring him with me."

The moment his father had left Valerie sat down on the couch, pulling her shoes off. "What a day," she sighed heavily as if she'd spend the day working as a waitress in a diner.

Blaine turned to her, still fuming. "So, what's in it for you, Val?" Blaine asked her directly.

"What do you mean?" The blonde woman put on a quizzical face.

"You know what I'm talking about. Why are you going through all this trouble? Just for the fun of it?" Blaine let out a bitter laugh.

"A girl's gotta make a living," she answered with a shrug and stretched her legs out on the couch.

"If you need to know, our dumb parents got themselves into debt. They're keeping up a charade for now, but it's only a matter of time until they have to sell the house. Devon and I won't inherit anything. Working for your dad is alright, but I need to pay for law school and life's expensive, you know it all. I'm used to luxury, I won't give up on it."

"Wow," Blaine raised a brow upon her cruel honesty and laughed again. "Imagine my surprisethat your answer is not that you want to marry me, because you loved me."

"Oh, Blainey, of course I love you," Valerie purred. "In quite a platonic way of course, and I know we'll get along just fine. We'll be a great fake couple."

Blaine shook his head in silent disbelief and crossed the sunroom. He needed some air and tried the glass door to walk out on the terrace, but it was locked up.

"The windows and doors have electronic and keyless entry systems, it's a special security system," Valerie explained airily. "You have to enter a code to open them."

"Alright. What's the code?" Blaine asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry but I can't tell you."

Blaine narrowed his eyes at her. "Excuse me? Are you saying I'm locked up in here?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Valerie acknowledged.

"Are you kidding me?"

Blaine stared at her in disbelief until she elaborated, "It's just until we're getting married, just to make sure you can't escape before we tie the knot." She winked at him. "I'm sure you'll grow accustomed to your new life in L.A. soon enough, so you won't think of leaving anyway."

Blaine slumped against the glass door, staring outside. Great. So this was jumping from one cage into another. "Am I at least getting my laptop back? And my phone?"

"No such luck." Valerie put on an apologetic face as if she was really sorry that again he was cut off the world. "No e-mails and phone calls for you. No communication with the outside world. Not yet."

Blaine nodded numbly to this news. But really, what did he expect?

"You can watch as much TV as you like and we've got an amazing collection of DVDs," Valerie offered as if this was any kind of making-up for being a prisoner yet again. "And you know I'd be happy to help you getting information on your friends if you want to know what's going on in their lives."

Yeah, sure, as if he'd trust her to provide him acurate information on his friends. For a split second he thought about asking her to check on Gabriel, but then again he didn't want her to find out that he was friends with the orderly. Suddenly someone else came to mind.

"Actually, it would be nice if you got me some information on someone," he said slowly.

Valerie smiled at him. "Just tell me a name and I'll check on him or her."

"It's a boy who was a patient in that facility about three years ago," Blaine said, wondering if he might finally find out what was up with Gabriel's ex-boyfriend. "His name's Damian Fernando."

Valerie raised an eyebrow. "What makes you interested in a former patient?"

"I'm just curious," Blaine replied with a noncommittal shrug. "There's been some talk about him."

"Alright," Valerie said. "I'll see what I can find out about him and come back to you. Now, how about I order dinner?"

At first Blaine wanted to tell her off, but he couldn't ignore his grumbling stomach. "I want pizza with everything and extra cheese! And a coke! Make that a large bottle of Pepsi. And some Ben & Jerry's ice cream for dessert. I don't care what flavor just lots of it!"

Valerie laughed. "Sounds like you're dying for proper food!"

"You bet."

Why not enjoy his golden cage to the extreme until he figured out a way to escape.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! :)<strong>

**Lots of love to **_**normallyweirdm**_**, **_**StormsInNeverland**_** and **_**HarmonyLover**_**! Love you guys so much! :)**


	46. One Thing

_**Normallyweirdm**_**, thank you for always being there for me, my darling friend! And thank you for being so enthusiastic about this story! If there is **_**one thing**_** that I have gained from writing No Regrets, it's definitely the friendship with you! Love you! :)**

**A very special thank you also to **_**Little Red Cosette, Aster7, ffacowgirl89, HarmonyLover, skyler-on-a-klainebow, swirlhearty23, mushs-grl13, gatsbyabroad, Andmmel, Poland1228 **_**and**_** StormsInNeverland. **_**You guys made me really, really happy with your reviews and your love for this story! :)**

**Do you all still remember my OC the awful neighbor Mr Johnson? He's showing up again in this chapter.**

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><p><strong>One Thing <strong>

Kurt took a bite of the granola bar and chewed it slowly before swallowing it. He was getting used to eating again. More accurately, he was forcing himself to eat again.

Talking to Blaine had been like opening a latch and freeing a part of him that he didn't know had been imprisoned. Talking to Blaine had awoken the fighter inside of him and now Kurt needed strength and all the energy he could get if he wanted to follow through with his plan.

_Huh! My so-called plan!_ Kurt thought with a sigh. Basically his plan consisted of convincing his parents that he was strong enough to go to Los Angeles. An incredible crazy idea, yes, especially since it was only based on the address this guy working in the facility had given him.

However, this was a start! After a thorough Google research Kurt had found out that it was the address of a medical treatment center in the rich part of Los Angeles. The website presented pictures of lovely common rooms and leisure activities provided for the patients. Also the facility was highly praised for its therapeutic response and its discretion.

_Therapeutic response and discretion. Yeah, right._ _More like brainwashing and strangling. _With a huff Kurt tapped a few numbers into the calculator on his father's desk and continued munching his granola bar, the last one of the pack.

He had abandoned his homework in favor of organizing his father's papers. The mechanic was behind with all the paper work due to all the worry Kurt had caused him in the past few weeks.

It was funny how sometimes a normal environment could give a person the idea that everything was normal even when life was a mess. Sitting in his father's office and sorting through bills and invoices took Kurt's mind off things like nothing else while he couldn't do anything else but wait for his friend Reed's response.

He glanced at his phone, but there was still no text from his friend. Reed Van Kamp, his roommate at Dalton, had become his partner in crime and right now the boy was Kurt's only chance of getting to Los Angeles. But Reed was currently stuck in school whereas Kurt was thankful that his father had allowed him a few more days at home to rest. In fact Burt had asked him to come along to the garage. It was obvious that he wanted to keep an eye on his son. Kurt was glad that his father didn't treat him like he was a china doll about to fall into pieces. However, the way Burt was watching him like a hawk was as endearing as annoying.

"You doing all right?" Burt asked, walking into the small office, wiping his oily hands on a rag. "Got everything you need?"

"Yep," Kurt answered, looking up from his work. "I'm going over to the grocery shop later to buy some more granola bars."

"Good, good," Burt said.

"Can I get you something, too, Dad?"

"I'd say bring me some candy bars, but I know you won't get any for me," Burt chuckled.

Kurt smiled up at him.

He knew he had screwed up and if he wasn't careful he would lose his father's trust once and for all.

Therefore he had to present a foolproof plan that Burt just couldn't say no to.

He needed his father's permission to go to L. A. Sneaking out of the house again was out of question. Not just because his father had been angry with him. The worst part had been to see the worry in his father's eyes.

It was hard to wrap his head around anything but the past few days and how things had gotten out of control, because there had been so many things he hadn't considered. Like Karofsky's feelings. How on earth was he to know that Karofsky felt that way towards him?

With a sigh Kurt continued to work through a stack of invoices, but his mind drifted off to the dreadful night three days ago.

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><p>Finally at home Kurt pulled off his coat which was pretty much damaged. All of his clothes were wet and dirty from falling down so many times during his escape in the dark woods, fir needles were stuck in his hair and he had scratches from branches on his face and hands.<p>

"Now, talk to me. Neither one of us will leave this room until I've heard the whole story."

Burt cosed the door firmly, but with a shaking hand as Kurt noticed.

"I'm sorry, Dad," Kurt said, loosening his collar and unbuttoning his shirt. "I didn't mean to cause so much trouble. I wanted to be back long before you woke up and missed me."

Kurt sat down in front of his body mirror as he threw his clothes carelessly on the floor. He undressed slowly, he was utterly exhausted and every bone in his body seemed to hurt. He had avoided answering any questions during the whole drive home, but he knew that his father wouldn't let him get off the hook so easily.

Carole was already preparing a hot bath for him as well as a hot soup, because his family feared that he would die of hypothermia. The only reason his parents hadn't dragged him to the next hospital was that Carole was a nurse and could tell that Kurt was mostly suffering from shock and not bodily harm. She claimed that most of all Kurt needed rest and as long as he followed her instructions he would be spared another stay at the hospital.

In the meantime Burt had his goal set on interrogating his son. So far he had agreed not to involve the police, at least until Kurt had told him everything.

"I saw the text message with the address in Newark on your phone," Burt got straight to the facts. "What was that about? And why on earth did you drive there with that Karofsky-kid? Why didn't you wake me? I could've driven you there."

He could tell that his father was disappointed that Kurt hadn't asked for his help and instead had chosen to get into a car with the boy who had terrorized him, the boy who was responsible for his transfer to Dalton. No one could understand why he had chosen to trust David Karofsky to give him a safe ride.

But more than anything Kurt could tell that his father was just glad that he was back home, safe and sound.

"I didn't know what to expect once I got there and I didn't want you to get hurt," Kurt explained calmly and reasonably.

"I'm a tough guy," Burt protested.

"But not compared to a tough guy who is twenty years younger than you."

Kurt could see that the situation was hard for his father to comprehend and he tried to soothe him. "Dad, it may not look this way right now, but this night has been a great success! I learned so many things about who's behind all of this and..."

He stopped talking and pulled a face when he noticed a bruise – or was it a hickey? – on the left side of his neck. He remembered Karofsky trying to kiss him and sucking his neck instead. For a second he felt sick.

Of course Burt saw the bruise, too. "Kurt, you need to tell me exactly what happened with Dave Karofsky," Burt said, a quiver in his voice. "Did he... did he molest you?"

Kurt closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. His voice was no more than a whisper when he shook his head. "No... I mean, I guess he tried, but I got away before anything could happen."

For a moment Burt just nodded and wiped his hand down his face, not sure how to proceed from this point. "Kurt, your clothes look pretty much ravaged. So... how far did he get with _trying_?"

The question made Kurt shudder and embrace himself. "This is not about Karofsky, Dad," Kurt tried to explain. "It was stupid of me to run away from him into the woods. He just scared me, because I was freaked out anyway."

Burt crouched down in front of his son and rested a hand on the boy's knee.

"What happened, kiddo?" Burt demanded with a soft voice.

Kurt stared into nothing for a moment as if gathering his thoughts. Then all of a sudden he smiled which was the reaction Burt had least expected.

"I talked to him," he said quietly with a dreamy smile spreading on his face.

"To who?" Burt asked, alarmed.

"I talked to Blaine," Kurt said and despite everything else he beamed at his dad. "He seems to be all right. He said I should stay away, because he doesn't want me to get hurt, but I told him that I can't."

"Blaine was there?" Burt arched his eyebrows in confusion.

"No, on the phone," Kurt focused his gaze to meet his father's eyes and smiled happily. "He's okay, Dad, they didn't hurt him. He's going to be okay and I love him, Dad. I really love him and he loves me back."

Burt was amazed. No matter what kind of evil had happened to his son tonight, just the thought of Blaine still made him smile.

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><p>Kurt left his father's office and walked through the garage. "I'm heading over to the grocery store, Dad," he called out. "Be back in a minute."<p>

"Bring some milk, will ya?" Burt called back to him. "We've run out of coffee cream."

"Sure, I'll bring half-and-half." Kurt pulled his scarf tighter and went out into the cold. As he crossed the street his phone beeped and he read the text message Finn had just sent him.

_Karofsky's not at school today! I hope he's not lurking around somewhere. – F _

Kurt sighed. Finn was still pissed that Kurt had asked for Karofsky's help that night. It didn't help the case that Karofsky had tried to kiss Kurt and scared the hell out of him. Only the night before Kurt had come downstairs to hear his parents and Finn having a heated argument.

Apparently Finn and Karofsky had been in a fight at school. Karofsky had approached Finn and asked him about Kurt's wellbeing. Instead of answering Finn had lost it. "He had the nerve to ask me how Kurt was doing!" Finn had tried to explain his actions to his parents. "So I punched him!"

"You know that I'd like to give that boy a good punch, too," Burt had said, "but that's no way of dealing with the situation."

"Dad's right, Finn."

The three of them had jumped at his sudden appearance.

"Kurt," Carole stepped to him. "We didn't mean for you to hear this."

"It's all right." Kurt had sat down at the table. "Please stop giving Karofsky a hard time, Finn. He's just afraid and he can't control his feelings. I... I feel sorry for him."

"You're _defending_ him on this?" Finn had asked with sheer astonishment, staring at Kurt like he had gone insane.

"No, I'm not. I'm just saying that he's frightened to come out and be at the mercy of the entire world. That is something I can relate to. In his twisted mind he actually thinks the way he treated me back in McKinley was to protect me from much worse bullying. And the way he tried to kiss me in the car was a desperate attempt to seek acceptance and… and _love_ by someone who understands how he feels." Kurt shook his head slowly. "Which makes his actions no better, of course. He needs to learn to accept and love himself before he's able to love someone else."

Carole had taken Kurt's hand with a warm smile, proud of his mature words. Finn however had thrown his hands in the air in frustration and left the room with a huff.

Kurt shook his heavy thoughts off as he entered the store. He collected a package of granola bars, coffee cream and some chocolate cookies for his dad. After all the stress of the past days his father deserved some good old sugar rush.

He got into line at the cashpoint and sighed when he saw the row of customers in front of him. Seemingly all old people in the neighborhood had decided to get their afternoon tea cookies at this very second.

"Looky-there, isn't it the Hummel-boy?" a voice behind him sneered loudly. "Hurting our eyes with his extravaganza again. Fancy, you belong to a Christopher Street Day parade and not our little town."

Kurt turned to see his neighbor Mr Johnson. The old man had never been friendly to him, but he never had talked to him like this before. Kurt wasn't even wearing a flamboyant outfit, not in his opinion anyway. White skinny jeans, his knee-high Doc Martens and a red thick sweater, not his best and definitely not his most outrageous clothes.

"I can't wait for the day you leave this town, boy. Just the sight of you makes my nails curl. No one blames your father that you turned out to be a queer, but I am shocked to see he tolerates your crazy style and allows you to have other gays stay over night and even driving away in the middle of the night with men."

Kurt's mouth fell open at what Mr Johnson was implying, but he chose not to put fuel into the fire. Not in front of a nosey audience anyway.

"I think that's none of your business," Kurt managed to say.

"You think so? I tell you it's my business if you make out with other gays _in front of my house_. It's disgusting! I don't want the likes of you parading down my street."

Kurt's heart was racing inside his chest. Not one of the surrounding customers said anything in his defence, instead they seemed to enjoy the show. But Kurt was tired of firing back, so he chose to ignore Mr Johnson's remark. It didn't matter what this old man thought of him. He had far more important battles to fight.

Someone else however wasn't able to let that mean remark pass.

"Hey! You better shut up, old man! Leave him alone!" an angry voice growled like thunder behind them.

"I believe that's none of your business, young man," Mr Johnson answered unfazed.

"And how is the way he dresses _your_ business, huh?"

Kurt turned around and thought he didn't see right. Karofsky was at the end of the line, holding a bottle of Mountain Dew and glaring at the old man.

David Karofsky stood up for him.

"His clothes insult my eyes," Mr Johnson continued.

"Funny, because I feel insulted by the way _you_ dress, old man! This is not the thirtys anymore," Karofsky snapped at the man. "Still you look like you're wearing the same clothes since World War II right along which the matching attitude."

If Kurt hadn't been so shocked by the scene in front of him, he might have laughed out loud. However, he was finally next in line, paid for his groceries and left the shop in a hurry.

His first impulse was to run as fast as he could back to the garage – back to his dad – back to safety. Just away from that shop and that awful Mr Johnson and all those staring faces. But he found himself waiting at the corner of the street.

A couple of seconds later Karofsky came out of the shop and tugged the zipper on his jacket up. When he saw Kurt standing at the curb he slowly walked over to him and stepped up beside him as if it was the most normal thing in the world, the two of them standing side by side together.

"You okay?" Karofsky asked in a low voice. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, his eyes on the traffic, looking around, for what? More possible abusers he could tell off?

"Why did you do that?" Kurt asked instead of answering.

Karofsky shrugged. "I can't stand old people like that. With too big a mouth and an ancient way of thinking."

"He just said what you've already said a thousand times to me before." Kurt reminded his former bully.

Karofsky didn't have an answer to that.

Kurt decided to leave it be. "Anyway, thank you," he murmured and went on, over the street, heading to the garage.

Karofsky strolled along, staying by his side.

Kurt stopped when they reached the other side of the street. He thought about going straight into his father's shop. Karofsky wouldn't dare to follow him inside. But funny enough Kurt didn't feel threatened by Karofsky's presence anymore.

"What do you want from me, David?" he asked a little anxious. He was still shaken by the unexpected abuse of Mr Johnson and confused by Karofsky's unusual behaviour.

"I... uhm... I found this in my car," Karofsky pulled his hand out of his pocket and held out a golden bracelet in his open palm. "Figured it was yours."

At the sight of the jewelry Kurt's hand flew to his mouth. "Oh my God! My bracelet!" He had thought it was lost in the woods. "Thank you, Dave! Thank you!" He was so happy about getting it back that he almost hugged Karofsky. Almost. Instead he swayed on the spot and then took a step backwards, clutching the bracelet in his hand and giving Karofsky a thank you smile.

"You're welcome," Karofsky said with a shrug. "I wanted to give it to Finn yesterday, but he was going to rip my head off for just trying to talk to him. Then I was thinking about giving it to your dad," Karofsky motioned towards the garage, "but to tell the truth I couldn't work up the courage to face him."

Kurt chuckled. "Yeah, if I was you I wouldn't get anywhere near my dad right now."

"I'm just glad you're okay, Kurt. I really am," Karofsky said sincerely and gave him a nod.

"Thank you," Kurt said and for a moment they just stood awkwardly at the side of the street. Kurt considered saying goodbye and walking off, but he felt like there was so much left unsaid between them. However, he didn't know how to approach any of the uncomfortable topics, and he didn't really want to talk about Karofsky's feelings.

"I told Finn to leave you alone, by the way," Kurt said casually. "As long as you stay out of his way he won't bother you anymore."

His words made Karofsky chuckle. "Sounds like you're protecting me."

"Yeah, well, Finn takes his big brother job very serious," Kurt replied with a one-sided shrug.

Karofsky was laughing again and Kurt realized that he'd never heard him laughing like this before, happy and warm without a sneer. For a moment Kurt wondered if they could have been friends in another life, but the thought was too strange to linger in his mind. Still Kurt felt like he owed the other a few more seconds of his time. After all Karofsky had returned his bracelet.

"What are you listening to?" Kurt pointed to Karofsky's headphones that were dangling around his shoulders.

Karofsky made a face. "Actually, it's just one song on repeat. It really got me hooked."

Kurt smiled. After all Karofsky seemed a little bit more human to him. "I get addicted to songs, too. My dad hates it when I play a song over and over again, especially if it's a musical number. May I?"

Karofsky shifted uncomfortably, he even cleaned the ear plugs at his jacket before offering them to Kurt.

It was a slow song, the soft strumming of a guitar, and a gentle man's voice singing in a sad and almost desperate way. It was a comforting song and he closed his eyes, relaxing, forgetting that it was his former tormentor in front of him, and just listened to the words.

_Restless tonight  
>'Cause I wasted the light<br>Between both these times  
>I drew a really thin line<br>_

_It's nothing I planned  
>And not that I can<br>But you should be mine  
>Across that line<br>_

_If I traded it all  
>If I gave it all away for one thing<br>Just for one thing  
><em>

_If I sorted it out  
>If I knew all about this one thing<br>Wouldn't that be something?  
><em>

This song could mean anything. What did it mean to Karofsky? What made him listen to it over and over again? Guilt? Longing? Regret? What was the one thing he wished for?

Kurt noticed the way Karofsky's hands were twitching, balling up into fists and then relaxing again, like he was thinking whether to shove Kurt away or not. After all they were standing really close in public and Karofsky surely hated being connected to a gay boy.

"It's nice." Kurt gave the earphones back.

"Listen," Karofsky licked his lips nervously. "I'm sorry for what I've done to you. I'm really glad that you didn't get hurt in the woods that night."

"Thank you," Kurt said with a slight nod.

"I just want you to know that I stand by my word," Karofsky said, lowering his voice. "If you press charges against Devon I'm in. I'll speak against him."

"Thanks. I'll let you know when I've decided what to do, but to make one thing clear," Kurt held up a hand. "I don't want you to do this for me. I don't want to owe you."

"I'm not doing it for you," Karofsky said reassuringly. "I do it for justice and for myself, because too long I've let my cousins intimidate me. They're still in L.A. by the way. Valerie called me and tried to talk me into coming, too. She even called my dad telling him she'd invite me to California, all for free and if he minded if I skipped some days of school. My dad told me to do it, to get my head off my problems and away from McKinley for a while. My dad's always worried about me. I don't want him to, but that's just the way he is."

"You still haven't told him about you?"

Karofsky shook his head and pressed his lips to a thin line. "Everytime I try to tell him I chicken out."

"You should tell him about everything," Kurt encouraged him. "It sounds to me like your father really cares about you. I think you should tell him first before you tell anyone else."

Karofsky took a deep breath and nodded his affirmation.

"Are you going to call me?" Karofsky asked and cleared his throat. "I mean when you go to talk to the police or your lawyer or whatever? Just tell me when you need me."

"Actually, I might need you in another kind of way," Kurt tapped his finger on his chin, pondering. "But you have to act like you're teaming up with your cousins."

Karofsky furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure yet myself," Kurt admitted, but an idea was already forming in his head. "I'm gonna call you when I've figured out the details. Until then buddy up with _Val_ and _Dev_." Kurt dragged the names, making them sound ridiculous.

Karofsky nodded firmly. "Understood." He spoke in such earnestness that Kurt almost expected him to salute to him.

"You still have my number?" Karofsky checked.

"It's somewhere in the trash, but I'll find it."

Kurt gave him a nod goodbye and walked swiftly towards his father's garage. He was absent-mindedly humming the melody of the song which was stuck in his head and raised the golden _Klaine_ bracelet to his lips.

_If I traded it all  
>If I gave it all away for one thing<br>Just for one thing  
><em>

There was only one thing that Kurt needed. Getting back together with Blaine.

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

**Finger Eleven – One Thing **

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading! :)<strong>


	47. Eye Of The Tiger

**Eye Of The Tiger**

"Well, if you married her..." the tall lanky boy murmured while twirling around on his heels next to the piano in the sunroom.

"No, I'm not going to marry her," Blaine hissed at his brother. "This whole idea is insane!"

Blaine was playing a forceful melody on the piano to drown out their voices.

They had the suspicion that every room in the house was wired, although so far they hadn't found any proof for that. But they didn't want to run the risk of getting overheard by Valerie so they figured the only way to talk safely was talking in low voices while Blaine was playing the piano.

The only problem was that the overexcited Shane couldn't sit still, of course, and was moving around the place, dancing on the floor while contemplating the situation.

"But you have to lay low," Shane muttered when he joined Blaine on the piano bench again. "At least for a while."

"Are you even listening to me?" Blaine was exasperated. "You understand that Dad wants me to get _married_ to Valerie, right? That's a freaking joke! Besides, Valerie isn't sacrificing herself, she's after our family fortune! It's just about money for her."

"You can always get divorced," Shane replied with a shrug.

"Great!" Blaine huffed and hit the keys hard.

"You can still be with Kurt as your secret lover," Shane shrugged again. "Sounds adventurous and romantic to me."

"You're not seriously suggesting that I should ask Kurt to wait _three years_ for me until I turn twenty-one and then become my _secret lover_?" Blaine looked at his brother as if the younger boy had gone nuts. "That's not adventurous and romantic, Shane! That's silly."

"Sorry, but I can't think with you hammering _The Eye Of The Tiger_ into the keys. It gives me a headache."

With a sigh Shane slumped forward, his arms spread wide on the top of the piano.

Blaine stopped playing and crossed his legs, now sitting Indian-style on the bench.

"I don't want to let her have this victory," he whispered. "Besides, once I give in to the machinery I'll be a part of it," Blaine emphasized. "I won't have Kurt as my secret lover. That's not fair, not to him and not to me either. How can I ever look Kurt in the eye again when I've turned my back on who I am and who he is to me?"

"How can you look Kurt in the eye when he's in hospital again?" Shane murmured without looking up from his lazy position.

Blaine felt like Shane had slapped him.

"Do you think Valerie will take no for an answer?" Shane went on. "You're vulnerable as long as Kurt is a possible target. Devon already attacked him once and broke his ribs..."

"You don't have to remind me," Blaine said miserably. "I should never have mentioned his name to Valerie. If only I'd pretended that I lost all my memories about him..."

"Devon can get to him anytime," Shane went on. "They know where Kurt lives. Dammit, Devon got him right on his doorstep!"

"If only he wasn't at home..." Blaine contemplated, biting his thumb. "If he stays at a friend's..."

"That's it! You're a genius!" Shane jumped up and raked his hands through his curly hair. "Kurt needs to be untraceable! He needs to go someplace where Valerie and Devon can't find him. Then they can't blackmail you."

"Sshh!" Blaine motioned for his brother to lower his voice and resumed playing a random melody.

"This idea sucks." Blaine shook his head. "How long is Kurt supposed to stay out of sight? He can't hide forever. _I'm_ the one who needs to run away, Shane. I need to get away from this insanity. If I'm out of reach they can't blackmail me."

"You would have to stay away from Kurt then, too. Valerie will have her eye on him, knowing you'd run to him the first chance you get. In fact you need to be cut off from _everyone_ who could tell you news about Kurt. Valerie could make you come back by hurting him."

"All this talk is for nothing! Because. I. Am. Imprisoned. Here." Blaine emphasized his words by hitting the piano keys. "With code locks on the doors and windows! Like I was a criminal!"

"Maybe I can find out the door code," Shane sat down on the bench again.

"I doubt it," Blaine shook his head. "Valerie will never give you a chance to find out. Besides, you also need a keycard along with the code. I doubt that she'll give it to you, even if you ask nicely."

"Fff...antastic!" Shane called out in dismay.

"Hi boys!" Valerie came sauntering in.

She wore a yellow summer dress and white sneakers, as if she was about to take a nice stroll at the beach. "Blaine, you'll never become a successful pianist if you torture the keys like that. It sounds awful."

"Lucky thing I'm not allowed to become an artist anyway, so why would I need to play the piano properly?" Blaine retorted.

"Actually, I was hoping you'd give a little performance on your birthday party. You'll have guests to entertain and we're making a video to remember the day."

"Guests?" Blaine looked up surprised.

"Yes, the senior partners of Richard's company will come. Also, your Aunt Jenise and Uncle George along with your cousins and a couple of my fellow students. After all, it's not only your birthday party, but also the announcement of our engagement."

"Woo-hoo!" Shane fake-cheered. "Our aunt and uncle we haven't been in touch with for years and our awful cousins that won't even befriend us on _Facebook_. Oh jolly day!"

"Don't be so negative," Valerie scolded him. "It'll be fun."

"It'll be a _joke_," Blaine muttered.

"Can I have my phone back?" Shane held out his hand to her. "I want to call my girlfriend."

"That's so cute." Valerie produced the phone out of her purse and handed it to him.

"Can I go outside? I don't want you to listen in to me sweet-talking to my honeybunny," Shane said all earnestly, making Blaine grin and stifle a laugh.

"Is she the kind of girl that likes being called a _honeybunny_?" Valerie asked with a grimace.

"Oh, yes!" Shane answered enthusiastically. "She also has an impressive collection of _My Little Pony_. She's all kinds of awesome!"

With a roll of her eyes Valerie entered the code into the device at the terrace door, shielding it with one hand so Shane couldn't see the numbers. She opened the glass door and let him outside, closing it behind him again.

For a second Blaine considered attacking her, bolting through the terrace door and running away. However, knowing that the premises were framed by a high burglerproof fence which he couldn't climb and that Devon was sitting in the next room watching cartoons, Blaine quickly let go of this sweet runaway fantasy.

Blaine watched his brother walking up and down alongside the pool, the phone pressed to his ear.

"This is ridiculous, Val," Blaine said. "You take Shane's phone away so he can't give it to me so I can't call anyone. That's just stupid. How long are you planning on doing this?"

"This is for your own well-being, Blainey." Valerie sat down next to him on the bench. "We don't want you to contact your old friends who might upset you. You need to be shielded from all outside influences until you're stable again."

"And when will that be?" Blaine huffed.

"Perhaps you'll feel better once we're married. You'll be safe then. No one will suspect a thing anymore. You're free to study and get into your father's business without anyone pointing a finger at you." Valerie talked all reasonably as if she truly believed in her words.

Blaine shook his head. "You really like playing this game, don't you? Acting like this was all for my own good when all you really care about is my family's money."

Valerie pouted and elbowed him. "Awwww, that's not fair, Blainey, you know I love you."

Shane knocked at the glass door and Valerie got up to let him back in.

"My sweetie has the most amazing ideas!" Shane blurted out. "Erica says there's a fashion show in Beverly Hills near Rodeo Drive on Friday! We need to go there!"

Valerie raised her brows. "Since when are you boys interested in fashion shows?"

"It's fashion for young men," Shane explained. "From the most amazing designer... wait for it!" He did a drum roll on his stomach and then held up both hands, grinning at Blaine. "Hilde Van Kamp!"

Blaine instantly choked. "Oh, my God!"

Hilde Van Kamp was the mother of his Dalton schoolmate Reed. What was this all about? Was Shane saying that if they went to a fashion show from Hilde Van Kamp they'd have a chance to pass a message to her for Kurt? How on earth should they manage that? Surely they wouldn't be allowed to talk to the designer herself, even if they claimed to know her son.

Whatever the chances, he needed to give it a try.

"I adore her collection," Blaine sputtered. "I want to go!"

"I don't know," Valerie shook her head slowly. "You're not supposed to leave the house. Also, Friday is your birthday, Blaine, and we'll have so much preparations to do."

"The show is at five. You invited all the guests for eight, didn't you?" Shane argued. "And the catering service and stuff don't need you to watch their every moves. Come on, Val! There's plenty of time to get to Rodeo Drive and back home again without Dad noticing we're gone."

"It'll be my birthday present, please?" Blaine begged.

"Come on, Val!" Shane said again. "We don't have to ask Dad for permission. We'll be sitting in a room full of people. Nothing exciting will happen. One hour and we'll be back in time to Blaine's birthday celebration."

"All right, I'll go online and see if I can still get tickets," Valerie replied. "Actually, it's a good idea to show up in public together. Everybody will see that we're a couple, Blainey, and that you're back in good shape. So even if Richard finds out, we can say it was a necessary act to fool the public. Besides, I always enjoy a good fashion show."

She winked at them and probably felt like she was scheming up with them against their father and therefore earning their trust. Blaine and Shane knew better than to trust her.

She retreated into her own room where she kept her laptop and her phone, locked up and unreachable for Blaine.

"Come with me," Shane told his brother and pulled him into the living room where Devon was watching _Family Guy._

"We want to watch TV!" Shane announced and slumped into the couch. "_Doctor Who_ is on."

"You're not seriously watching that crappy show?" Devon complained.

"Yes, we are! You don't have to watch with us!" Shane grabbed for the remote and changed channels.

"You can bet I won't." With a sound of disgust Devon got up and trotted out of the room towards the kitchen.

"Get us some sandwiches, will you?" Shane shouted after him.

"Bite me!" Devon shouted back.

"Shane, I'm really not in the mood to watch TV right now," Blaine sighed, sitting down next to his brother.

Shane ignored him and turned the volume up when the theme music of _Doctor Who_ started.

"I don't even watch that show," Blaine mumbled.

"Do you want to know what's the real deal about this fashion show or not?" Shane asked him in a murmur. Instantly Blaine was awake.

"Tell me," he whispered back and they stuck their heads together.

"All right, so Erica told me that Wes told her that Reed told him..."

"Can you cut it short, please?" Blaine asked impatiently.

"Okay," Shane grinned broadly. "Kurt and Reed are trying to convince their parents to let them come to Reed's mother's fashion show!"

Shane watched his brother excitedly, but Blaine's expression remained blank.

"That means if they're allowed to come they'll be in L. A. on Friday," Shane elaborated due to Blaine's lack of enthusiasm. "That means if we're able to talk Val into letting us go to that show we might be able to see them."

"There are too many ifs in that sentence for my liking," Blaine grumbled. "And how will Kurt be able to come? Wasn't he just let out of the hospital? He must feel so sick and weak and such a long flight is too much for him and his dad will never allow him to fly and..."

"Can't you just be happy and look forward to seeing Kurt?" Shane sighed. "It's really not easy to please you."

"I don't want Kurt to risk anything!" Blaine said in a loud whisper.

"No risk no fun!" Shane retorted.

"This is serious, Shane."

"I know that," Shane rolled his eyes. "I don't want anyone to get hurt either. Why do you think I broke contact with Reed? And yet, I'm so excited about the possibility to see him again if he shows up at his mother's fashion gala. I mean I just have a crush on him and I know he doesn't love me back. I can't imagine how excited _you_ must feel at the prospect of seeing Kurt. I mean, it's been _weeks_ that you saw each other! Aren't you feeling excited at all?"

"I don't know how to feel about it," Blaine confessed. "I don't believe that he'll be there until I see him. Even if he's there, Valerie will be there, too, and I don't want to get Kurt into trouble. I told him to stay away, so probably he won't come anyway."

Shane's eyes got big and he stared at his brother, clearly baffled. "You told him to stay away? When? How?"

Blaine looked up at his brother, biting his lips to hide the happy grin that was about to spread on his face. "I talked to Kurt a couple of days ago."

"YOU TALKED TO KURT?" Shane asked excitedly.

"Ssh!" Blaine motioned his brother to be quiet.

"Three nights ago. Gabriel was in my room and Val called him on his phone," Blaine explained. "She had invited Kurt over to Newark to interrogate him or whatever. She let him talk to Gabriel, he was supposed to intimidate Kurt, but instead he let me speak to him."

"Wow, what a story!" Shane looked at his brother with big stunned eyes. "So, explain to me again who this Gabriel guy is and why was he in your room in the middle of the night? And why the heck would Valerie call him of all people?"

"He was my..." Blaine sighed. "He was my friend. He worked there as an orderly and sort of my personal nurse. And you know Valerie has a thing for good-looking guys, so probably that's why she's got his number."

"Mmm, so this Gabriel is quite handsome, yes? And he's got Valerie's number?" Shane pondered. "AND he's got a thing for YOU, right?"

"No, he's doesn't." Blaine elbowed his brother.

"Well, but he'd help you if he had a chance?"

"I think so."

"Dang! I can't just walk into the facility and ask for him." Shane drummed his fingers on the arm of the couch.

"I know where he lives," Blaine said slowly. "He gave me his address in case I needed some place to stay."

Shane arched his eyebrows, wearing a mocking grin. "And you said he wasn't into you?"

They put their heads together, putting up a plan and bouncing off ideas. When the end credits of _Doctor Who_ scrolled over the screen Valerie came into the living room, giving the boys a look.

Shane muted the TV.

"Good news, boys, I got four tickets for the show, even second row." She held up her iPad proudly. "Well, Devon's not thrilled, but he will have to come with us."

"Thanks, Val," Blaine said. He hadn't expected her to really let him go outside. Although the prospect of Devon accompanying them was a sure sign that she wasn't about to let Blaine out of her sight or her tight grasp. "That's so great!"

"You're welcome," Valerie said, as if the whole thing had been her own idea.

"Oh, and Blaine, that kid you asked me to check out?" Valerie sat down next to Blaine on the couch.

Blaine's heartbeat sped up as he looked at her, trying to figure out what her news would be, but her expression was indifferent.

"Have you been able to find out what's up with him?"

"I have. It was quite easy actually. It didn't even take much research, because his story is all over _Google_."

"What's his story?" Blaine prompted her to go on.

"Not much," Valerie shrugged. "He's dead. Died three years ago."

"He's dead?" Blaine repeated dumbstruck, suddenly feeling sick in the pit of his stomach. "He can't be."

"He was a patient in that treatment center like you said," Valerie continued. "He killed himself only two days after he got out. It was a big issue in the news. The family sued the facility, but no one could prove that the suicide had been a result of his treatment in there. The family moved away from L. A. shortly after."

Blaine clutched a couch cushion to his chest as all of his insides went cold. "You're positive we're talking about the same boy? Damian Fernando?"

"Damian Elijah Fernando, born in Sacramento." Valerie thumbed her iPad and showed him a website of local suicide kids to him. There was a picture of a teenage boy with a cute smile and dark curly hair. Blaine read the article.

It said that the boy had been suicidal for years and his parents had been worried about him and put him into medical care for his own safety. Two days after he was released from the facility and had returned to his family he'd committed suicide by taking sleeping pills. He had only been eighteen years old. Not one word in the article mentioned that Damian had been gay. He was only portrayed as an oversensitive suicidal boy.

"Two days after he got out," Blaine murmured, feeling sick by this news. Without another word Blaine gave the iPad back to Valerie and got up. He walked to his bedroom, feeling weirdly numb.

He sat down on his bed and leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees. He let his face fall into his hands and slid his fingers back into his ungelled hair.

"Are you all right?" Shane asked. He had followed him and sat down next to his brother. "You've turned all pale."

Blaine didn't answer. Instead he got up again, walked across his room to retrieve the guitar Gabriel had given him. He settled beneath the window on the thick carpet and took the guitar out of its case, gently running his fingers over the long neck of it.

He had never paid much attention to the initials that were carved into the neck of the guitar reading D. E. F. But now he couldn't look away.

"This was Damian's guitar," Blaine murmured, holding it with a new sense of awe, like he just realized that he was in possession of a sacred object. "Gabriel gave it to me."

"Woah, woah, wait up!" Shane walked over to him and slumped down in front of Blaine. "So Damian's the dead kid? How did you know him? And what's the deal with this guitar?"

Blaine just shook his head, unable to speak as tears choked him.

"Hey, hey, talk to me," Shane murmured and put an arm around his brothers shoulders as Blaine's eyes filled up with tears.

"I feel so bad for Gabriel," Blaine finally uttered and wiped a hand over his wet cheeks. "I can't believe that Damian..." He shook his head silently again.

Was this why Gabriel had had a soft spot for him? Because he knew Blaine had taken sleeping pills, too?

"Shane," Blaine looked up at his brother. "What happened to me on Christmas Eve? Why did I take those pills?"

Shane looked at him, baffled by the question. "I don't know. The only thing I know is that Valerie was the last person who was with you."

"Val?" Blaine asked baffled. "I thought Dad was the last person I talked to before I went to my room and... and took the pills."

"Yeah, but Valerie came after you. She talked with you in your room for a quite a long time. When she came out I asked her how you were doing and she said she'd never seen you upset like this and that I should give you a couple of minutes to calm down and then go and check on you. When I went to check on you ten minutes later I..." Shane licked his lips and twisted his hands. "I found you on your bathroom floor, passed out already."

"Valerie was the last person I spoke to," Blaine repeated, trying to remember their conversation, but for his life he couldn't.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you all for staying with me and this story! :)<strong>


	48. News

**News**

"Oh, my God," Kurt clutched the phone to his ear and blinked back tears.

The news made him need to sit down on his bed. He hadn't expected this at all.

"I can't believe this is really happening," he took a deep breath to stay composed. "Please tell me I'm not dreaming."

"Well, if my mom is one thing it's predictable," Reed replied with an exasperated sigh. "I told you she's crazily focused when it's about fashion."

Kurt swallowed hard to keep himself from squealing in joy.

"But how did you manage to convince her to let me come?"

"Easy peasy," Reed said airily. "You know, she tries to make me come to her shows all the time, but I keep refusing. So I told her I'd come if I was allowed to bring a friend. Don't be surprised if she rolls out the red carpet for you because she's so excited that you made me go."

Kurt let out a relieved laugh. He was so used to bad news these days that he didn't dare hoping that he'd have the luck to get to L. A. this easily.

"I'm really not looking forward to having to deal with those big-headed models and shaking hands with snobby VIPs and my mom trying to teach me all about her métier." Reed let out another heavy sigh. "But at least we'll be able to hide backstage. My mom already signed us up for assistance work."

"What will we have to do?" Kurt asked curiously. If he wasn't going to L. A. for the only reason of trying to reach out for Blaine he'd be all excited about getting a firsthand backstage view of a fashion show.

"Well, mom wants me to get an eye for details, so I'll have to check the models before they walk off on stage, make sure they wear the clothes and accessories properly. You'll help me, right?" Reed asked, as always sounding overly anxious.

"I'm afraid I'll accidentally tear off buttons and I get such sweaty hands when I'm nervous that I'm sure I'm going to leave sweat stains on the fabrics and... oh Gosh, why did I sign up for this? I'm already getting nightmares just thinking about it! Oh, God, it'll be horrible!"

"Just breathe, Reed," Kurt said to calm down his friend. He was used to Reed's mini-panic-attacks by now. "Don't worry about a thing, we'll do great together," Kurt reassured him.

"As long as I'm not tripping over someone's feet - including my own - and don't drag some of the models down with me, I guess we'll do great," Reed replied, sounding highly uncertain about his capability _not_ to stumble and cause trouble.

"Thank you, Reed, thank you a million times. I really appreciate what you're doing for me and for Blaine."

"Please, stop thanking me, Kurt," Reed muttered, flustered. "I didn't do anything."

"Well, you give me hope," Kurt replied. "And it means a lot to me that you're with me."

"Just don't get your hopes up too much, Kurt," Reed said. "We might not even get a chance to go to that facility. I didn't tell my mom about Blaine's situation, because she wouldn't let us go investigating on our own. Perhaps if we tell her we want to go shopping we might have a chance to sneak away."

"Again, you're amazing, Reed. I owe you big time."

"Not at all," Reed waved off. "I'm glad I can be of any help at all."

"When will the flight take off?" Kurt shook his sentimental feelings off and started to think practical.

"Friday morning at eight," Reed replied. "We'll pick you up on our way to the airport. That is, if you're allowed to go. Have you asked your parents yet?"

"No, not yet," Kurt confessed. "I was waiting for you signing green light before I confront them with the idea."

"Well, then you better ask them quickly. If you can't go I need to cancel the trip and my mom will probably be so disappointed that she won't talk to me for months and..." Reed stopped, contemplating. "Actually, that wouldn't be so bad."

"Don't worry, I'll be allowed to go," Kurt assured him, sounding more convincing than he felt. "They just have to let me go. They have to."

"Call me when you talked to them, all right?"

"I will." Kurt ended the call and put his phone down.

With a deep sigh he stood and faced the door of his bedroom.

The difficult part was still ahead of him. Talking Burt and Carole into letting him go to L. A.

He glanced at his alarm clock. It was 9 PM and his parents would be sitting in the living room, watching TV. Now was as good a time as any.

* * *

><p>Slowly Kurt walked downstairs, pondering on how to approach the conversation. He decided he needed to be straightforward and confident about it. He straightened his blue cardigan and checked his reflection in the wedding picture of his parents.<p>

_Don't show any sign of weakness or doubt. This will work._

He entered the living room with a grace and determined air that made his parents and Finn look up immediately.

He solemnly stood in front of the TV. "Can I talk to you," he asked. "To all of you?"

With one move of the remote Burt switched the TV off.

"Hey, this is the best part!" Finn complained but was ignored by everyone.

"Of course you can," Burt said. "You can always talk to us."

"Sit down, honey," Carole offered, but Kurt shook his head.

"I'd rather stand, thank you," Kurt said with such a solemn face that they squirmed in their seats under his steady gaze.

"What's going on?" Finn asked, not liking the serious expression on his brother's face.

"There is something I need to do," Kurt blurted out quickly. "And I'm not asking for your permission, because I know you won't give it, but I don't want to sneak out either. So I'm telling you about this, because I want you to know what I'm doing, but no matter your objections you won't be able to stop me. I'm sorry, but this is just something I need to do."

Kurt stopped and bit down on his lips, looking at his father whom he expected to object the most.

"What is it you have to do, honey?" Carole asked gently.

Kurt turned to her, wringing his hands and realizing that he hadn't even said a word about his plans yet.

"Reed's mother has a fashion show this Friday in L. A. and she's allowing me to come along."

"Wait! This is about a fashion show you want to go to?" Finn asked, puzzled.

"No," Kurt chuckled. "This is about getting to L. A. for free and with a guardian. Also I'm provided with a safe stay at the _Hilton Hotel_ in Beverly Hills," he explained excitedly, trying to present the news in the best way. "I'll be with Reed and his mother all of the time. It's like a fun trip for the weekend."

"Except that instead of going sightseeing you'll be going to look for Blaine," Burt concluded drily, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and looking up at Kurt worriedly.

"I have to." Kurt returned the gaze pleadingly.

For a long moment Carole and Burt didn't say anything, they just looked at each other, talking with their eyes.

"Please, it's just from Friday until Sunday and it's not like I'm missing school," Kurt argued. "I'm doing home assignments at the moment anyway. My teachers don't need to know that I'm running around in L. A. instead of being sick at home, do they? We'll be back by Sunday. No harm done."

Finally Carole spoke up. "I think that's a good idea."

All eyes were on her and Kurt's hands flew to his mouth as he gasped in surprise. "Are you saying you'll let me go?"

Carole gave him a warm smile and then turned to her husband to let him have the final word.

Burt let out a sigh and opened his hands. "Well, you don't give us much of a choice, do you?" Burt offered an encouraging smile. "Besides, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

"Thank you," Kurt mouthed and tears of relief ran down his cheeks as he fell into his father's arms. "Thank you, Dad, thank you!"

Carole rubbed a hand along Kurt's arm. "But don't do anything reckless."

"You're going to call us at least twice a day," Burt ordered. "You'll always let us know where exactly you are and what you're doing."

"Yes, no problem," Kurt promised. "I'm going to call Reed!"

He ran upstairs to call up his friend and resume making plans.

After they had spend an hour discussing the details of the trip Reed got tired of talking about the walking distance from the _Hilton Hotel_ to the treatment center and if it was a good idea for Kurt to disguise himself in case Valerie was around and whether or not there were blow-dryers in all of the rooms in the _Hilton Hotel_, because Kurt needed to calculate how much time it would take him to get ready and presentable before they went to the facility on Saturday morning.

"All right, let's get to the really important questions, please," Reed interrupted him. "Have you figured out what to wear yet?"

With a laugh Kurt turned to his closet and spend another hour describing his clothes to Reed and planning outfits for the trip. Talking about clothes with Reed definitely lifted his spirits.

Only when Reed finally explained that he was too tired to think about the right accessories to go with a plaid vest Kurt let him off the line.

* * *

><p>Just as Kurt settled into his chair in the bathroom to start his skin regime (because if he really was about to see Blaine this weekend – fingers crossed – he wanted to look his best), his phone rang.<p>

Kurt picked it up to see the caller's ID and was surprised to see that it was Karofsky.

"Hi," Kurt greeted warily.

"I've got news for you," Karofsky said.

Immediately Kurt sat up straight. "Go on."

"I just talked to Devon. Valerie and he are still in L. A. Apparently your boyfriend's dad has a house there and they all moved in this week. Your boyfriend's staying there, too."

"You mean, Blaine's not in the facility anymore?" Kurt's heart started beating out of his chest.

"Yep, looks like it."

Kurt closed his eyes in relief. Thank God, Blaine was finally free.

"Can you find out the address of their house in L. A.?" Kurt asked eagerly.

"I don't know," Karofsky sounded uncertain. "It's in Venice Beach, I know as much, but I can't go and ask for the street and house number without sounding suspicious, can I?"

"All right," Kurt let out a sigh. "Have you been able to find out anything else?"

"Well, apparently Val is preparing a party for your boyfriend's birthday or something. Also, Devon said something about an engagement party, but I don't know what that's all about."

"An engagement party?" Kurt stammered, taken aback. "Who's getting engaged?"

"Don't ask me," Karofsky replied gruffly. "Devon's not the type of guy you can chat happily about wedding plans with."

"Right," Kurt said. "Thank you for calling me, David. Please keep me updated on whatever is going on. I appreciate your help."

"Yeah, sure," Karofsky replied. "So, how are you doing? Feeling better?"

Kurt felt that the other didn't want to end the call just yet.

"Yeah, I'm much better, thanks."

"Are you still at home? Not back at prep school yet?" Karofsky asked in a conversational tone.

"Well, yeah, I'll probably return to Dalton next Monday," Kurt replied and kept his mouth shut about his trip to L. A. Weirdly, he trusted Karofsky, but he didn't want to run the risk of giving him too much information in case he slipped out to Valerie that Kurt was on his way to L. A.

"Did you think about returning to McKinley?" Karofsky asked.

"I... I haven't had the time to think about it," Kurt admitted.

"I'd like to see you again," Karofsky said, clearing this throat and eerily sounding like a flustered schoolboy asking the most popular girl out for prom.

"Perhaps we could, um, have coffee sometime?"

"David..." Kurt said in a gentle voice. "I'm sorry, but..."

"Um, yeah, right," Karofsky interrupted him. "I have to go. I'll call you when I got news, all right? And you can call me anytime, you know, in case you need my help or something."

"Thanks, David." Kurt ended the call and let out a relieved sigh. Despite the awkward situation with Karofsky he felt like celebrating.

Blaine was out of the facility!

For the first time in weeks Kurt felt relaxed and hopeful. Just knowing that Blaine was off the hook lifted an immense weight off his heart and he felt like he was allowed to breathe again.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading! :)<strong>

**Please write a review! I love hearing from you guys! :)**


	49. Happy Eighteen

**Thank you, **_**normallyweirdm**_**, for your help with this chapter and all of your dramatic changes. This chapter is sooo much better once you've worked it over.**

**All right, my dear readers, it's about time that Blaine finally remembers...**

* * *

><p><strong>Happy Eighteen<strong>

Blaine woke up to a snoring sound that just couldn't be ignored, no matter how much he pressed his pillow down on his ears.

It was the kind of sound that turned you into a madman and made you want to kill someone. Blaine considered calling Gabriel and telling him to forget about darkrooms and ice baths and brain-melting video shows. Just putting you in a room with a snorer did the trick.

Only he didn't have Gabriel's number, let alone a phone to make a call with.

For a couple of minutes it was quiet and Blaine embraced the sweet silence, finally able to relax and sink back into his pillow and drifting off to sleep again...

"KKRRRRR...zzzzzz...KKKRRRRRRRR!"

"Goodness!"

Blaine sat up drowsily and threw his pillow across the room towards the couch where Shane was bunking. He missed his target by a couple of inches and his pillow dropped on the dirty pizza plate which was left on the carpet of last night's feast.

"Shane! You're a pain!"

His brother continued snoring and sleeping peacefully.

"Starting tomorrow you'll sleep in your own room," Blaine grumbled and drew the comforter over his head.

Since he had arrived at the beach house a couple of days ago, Shane didn't leave his brother's side for a minute, following him from room to room like a restless puppy. Blaine was glad his brother let him use the toilet on his own.

They had never been the kind of inseparatable brothers before, they had always been close, yes, but they had also respected each other's private space. However, with all the drama going on just lately Shane had become clingy. He had refused sleeping in his room; they each had their own rooms in the beach mansion, of course. Instead Shane had insisted on crashing on the couch night after night.

A part of Blaine understood where Shane's sudden affection came from. Clearly Shane was still shaken by his brother's suicide attempt. Probably Shane was afraid that all the recent pressure was too much for Blaine and that he would do something stupid. Again.

Apparently to distract him Shane was exaggeratedly cheerful and joked around a lot. Blaine suspected that Shane tried to make everything look less intense than it was. Blaine appreciated the effort, but soon it became tiresome and annoying.

Blaine didn't mind sharing a room with his brother – after spending weeks locked up in the white room in the facility it was a very welcome change to have someone around and not feel alone and abandoned anymore.

That was until the snoring began. Geez, it was unbearable.

Blaine was only hoping it wasn't a family thing and that he turned out to be a snorer, too. Until now he had occupied a single room at the Dalton dormitory, so there was no roommate who could throw pillows at him. Also Kurt hadn't complained yet on the very few times they had been able to curl up in bed and fall asleep together – which had mostly been at Dalton when they had been watching a movie and unintentionally fallen asleep next to each other.

But perhaps Kurt had just been too polite to bring it up.

Kurt...

Blaine's spirits dropped below zero whenever he thought of his boyfriend these days. He didn't want to drag Kurt into his family mess. He wanted Kurt to be safe and far away from any kind of trouble.

According to Shane's last chat with Erica it seemed like Kurt and Reed were really on their way to Los Angeles. Erica had asked Shane for their address in Venice Beach and Blaine had instructed his brother NOT to tell. If Kurt showed up at their doorstep with Valerie and Devon opening the door it would not be a good scenario. There was no way Valerie would let Blaine go out for a walk and a chat at the beach with Kurt.

Thankfully, Shane agreed and told Erica that he was sorry, but there was no safe way for Kurt to knock at their door. However, he told her that they would be able to go to Reed's mother's fashion show. Fingers crossed.

Blaine glanced at the alarm clock.

It was 6 AM. Way too early to get up on his birthday, especially since Shane and he had stayed up until midnight to have their own little birthday celebration. The second the clock struck midnight Shane had raised his Mountain Dew, clinking bottles with Blaine's Pepsi and gave a birthday toast. "Live long and prosper and with Kurt by your side."

Blaine had kept a brave smile, but Shane's words had made him want to tear up. Being with Kurt had become no more than a dream.

Another unhumanly sound erupted out of his brother's deepest core and Blaine let out a long sigh. He got out of bed and sneaked out on the foyer to make his way to the bathroom.

There were no keys - not a single key in the house - not even the bathroom, so Blaine wasn't able to lock himself in.

Blaine carefully opened the bathroom door, checking first if anybody was in. The last thing he wanted to do was run into Devon taking a piss.

The bathroom was unoccupied.

Blaine used the toilet and washed his hands, thinking about taking a shower. It was still early, too early for anyone to be up, so he might have some privacy without anyone stumbling in and seeing his naked butt. (The shower cubicle was out of clear glass. Whoever had invented such a thing must be a friend of voyeurs.)

After all those weeks with cold baths a hot shower was luxury for Blaine. Dropping his pajamas unceremoniously on the floor he stepped into the shower. He turned the water on and for a long while he just let the hot water wash over him.

He took his time, rubbing some products into his curls and gliding his hands over his body, enjoying the feel of privacy. A couple of days ago he hadn't dared hoping to be out of the facility by the time of his birthday and now the weeks spent in there already seemed like a bad dream fading away, replaced by another one.

But he wouldn't let Valerie bring him down.

He was still gay and in love and nobody could take that away from him.

Blaine closed his eyes and focused on the hot shower again, shoving all bad thoughts out of his mind.

Suddenly he remembered the last hot shower he had taken before he had woken up in the facility. Looking around he recognized Kurt's bathroom.

He had spend the night there the day before he drove home to meet his father and brother for Christmas. He couldn't remember the details of his night with Kurt, but he remembered a lot of kissing and a deep conversation ending with a pure heartfelt love declaration and a lot of tears.

Blaine closed his eyes and focused on the kissing part, trying to recapture the feel of Kurt's lips on his own, the feel of his boyfriend's skin at his touch, the way Kurt's warm skin prickled with goose bumps when he let his fingertips run down his arms, this smooth chest and stomach, but no further. They hadn't been ready to go further yet.

But today in Blaine's fantasy they were.

Thinking of Kurt he touched himself, imagining what it would be like touching Kurt. He wanted to be with Kurt, naked, skin on skin, holding him close and letting his hands slide all over his boyfriend's precious perfect body.

"Kurt..." he sighed into the hot steam surrounding him, propped his left hand on the wet tiles in the cubicle, stroking himself with his right.

He bit into his left arm to keep from moaning out loud, lost in his delicious fantasy.

He wanted to have everything with Kurt, a relationship, a sex life, a future. He wanted to be able to say out loud, "This is my boyfriend, my lover, my partner." He wasn't ready to give up on his dreams just yet.

Trembling in the aftermath of his climax, Blaine was giggling about his father's attempt to turn him straight. No Jenny with big boobs did the trick, only thinking of Kurt could get him aroused like this.

There was no feeling in the world compared to kissing Kurt. Because a kiss didn't mean anything unless you kissed the person you loved.

If he could have one birthday wish it was to kiss Kurt.

Kiss him and hold him and make him feel how much he loved and missed him and how sorry he was about everything. Another phone call wouldn't do. Blaine had never been good with words; words weren't sufficient enough to get his feelings across. He needed to look into Kurt's eyes, hold his hands, hug him and feel his heartbeat if only for one more time.

But his wish was selfish. Seeing Kurt would put him in danger. Blaine's utmost priority was to keep Kurt away from any harm.

With a sigh he wrung out his hair, combing through his curls with his fingers.

Stepping out of the cubicle Blaine reached for his towel.

"Happy birthday, Blainey," a voice floated through the room and Blaine jerked around, quickly wrapping the towel around his middle.

Valerie approached him with a laugh. "Why so shy? We're going to be married."

"I still have a say in this whole marriage thing," Blaine said, containing himself from pulling a face.

"Well, of couse you have a say," Valerie said with a snort and a hair toss. "You're going to say _yes_, loud and clear."

Or else what?

Blaine didn't say it out loud. He didn't want to hear more threats from her. She wanted him to argue with her, she wanted to show him that she held the power over him.

"I want to cancel the party," Blaine said out of nowhere. "I don't want to see anyone tonight."

Valerie turned to look at him, her eyes narrowing. "I'm afraid it's too late for that."

"It's my birthday, I can do whatever I want!" Blaine insisted.

"If you don't feel like having a party then I suppose you're also not well enough to go to a fashion show?" Valerie asked viciously.

"No!" Blaine shook his head, his wet curls dripping on his shoulders. "That's different. I can relax there. But tonight at the party I'll be the center of attention. Everybody will stare at me and... let's face it, apart from Shane there won't be anybody there who actually _likes_ me."

"I'll be there, sweetcake," Valerie replied as if this was any consolation. "Don't worry about a thing, Blainey. Lucky for you, I already have everything planned out."

"Is this how it's going to be if we get married?" Blaine asked angrily. "Are you going to tell me what to do all of the time?"

_"When_ we're married, Blainey," Valerie said sweetly. "I will help you make the right decisions."

"Duh!" Blaine pulled a face in disgust.

"Let's not fight," Valerie said soothingly. "It's your birthday after all and I already have a headache." She reached across him into the medicine cupboard, retrieving a small bottle of _Advil_.

"God, I'll need a handful of these before the day is over," she said with a sigh and shook some pills out of the bottle into her palm.

All of a sudden Blaine had a memory flash of Valerie, standing in front of the bathroom mirror, just like now, with a bottle of pills in her hands.

* * *

><p><em>Blaine was agitatedly pacing his room, cursing loudly every so often. It was just like his father to ruin Christmas for all of them. But he hadn't expected Valerie to be a traitor and point her finger at him and Kurt.<em>

_The door burst open in a gush of air, knocking into the wall with a startling bang, to reveal a flushed and gasping Valerie. It took all of his willpower not to start shouting at her to get out of his room, but instead Blaine just shot her a withering glare that would have made his boyfriend proud as he continued his restless pacing across the room._

_Valerie was the last person he wanted to see right now. _

"_Things are getting out of hand," she heaved out, panting like she just took the stairs two at a time. Blaine huffed out a humorless laugh; that's the understatement of the year. He didn't even bother looking up as he passed her again. The traitor._

"_Listen to me," she grabbed his hand, pulling him around to face her. He struggled to snatch it back from the grip that felt too tight, too desperate, but there was a frantic gleam to her eyes that made him pause. "Richard just told Devon to go after your boyfriend and _teach him a lesson_." She air quoted the last few words. "We need to do something, Blaine!"_

_She shook him slightly, but Blaine felt his body turn cold as all the blood rushed out of him. It was a struggle to keep his legs up. "Teach him a lesson?" he whispered, dread lacing with false hope that he heard wrong, or misunderstood._

"_Yes!" Valerie yelled. "He's going to hurt him, Blaine, on your father's orders."_

_The thought of Devon even being in the same vicinity as Kurt had Blaine's blood boiling. If he hurt Kurt….and under his father's orders. _

_"We need to stop him!" Blaine shouted, as he started for the door. Valerie yanked on his arm again, standing in front of him. "Let me go," he kept repeating in his panicked haze, trying to push past her. "I need to stop him, I need to warn Kurt. Let me go!"_

"_Wait!" Valerie yelled sharply, never loosening her fierce grip on his arm. "We need to come up with a plan; he's not just going to call off Devon because you tell him to. We have to find another way to convince him."_

"_Why would you even want to help me? Because earlier you had me thinking you were siding with my dad," Blaine accused, as he ripped his arm from her grasp. Anger and fear were coursing through him again, making him feel overwhelmed with emotion. He stared her down, challenging her to defend herself. He just wanted to get out the door so he could help Kurt, keep him away from danger._

"_It's just to make him trust me, so I can help_ you!"_ Valerie explained, sounding frantic and pleading. Blaine wasn't sure if he could believe her, even as remorseful tears sprung to her eyes. _

"_Can you tell Devon off?" he questioned suspiciously._

"_No, I'm sorry, but my brother is following Richard's command only. Listen, your father is texting Kurt with your phone right while we're talking. He's telling him to meet you someplace. But instead of your lovely face your boyfriend will be meeting Devon. Do you want Kurt to spend Christmas in hospital?"_

"_No, of course not!" he made a rush to the door again, only for Valerie to step in the way. Agitated, and realizing that they were wasting time, he threw his hands up in the air and demanded, "What can I do?"_

_There was the briefest twitch of a smirk that passed over Valerie's face, but it was gone before Blaine could really think about it through his panic induced haze. The only thing racing through his mind was to protect Kurt. To save Kurt any way he could. _

_"Lucky for you, I have just a plan," she said, straightening up and replacing the slightly hysterical air about her with one of pure control. She took him by the arm, leading him into the connecting bathroom, away from possible eavesdroppers at the door._

_Standing in front of the mirror Blaine's attention was on Valerie only. If she was offering him a way to save Kurt he was willing to do anything._

"_You need to show your father that you're serious," Valerie said with grave eyes. __"Make a big gesture, small ones he will ignore."_

"_What do you suggest I should do?" Blaine asked impatiently._

_She held a bottle of pills wrapped in a tissue out to him. "Take a handful of these."_

_Dumbstruck Blaine stared at the sleeping pills and asked incredulously, "You want me to kill myself?"_

"_No, dummy!" Valerie pushed the bottle of pills into his hands. "I just want you to _pretend_ to commit suicide. You take a handful of these until you pass out. I'll send someone in to find you after ten minutes, we'll rush you to the hospital and have your stomach pumped out. You're a teenager. Be dramatic. Act foolishly, that's what everyone expects from a teenager anyway."_

"_That's the most ridiculous advice I've ever heard," Blaine shook his head. _

"_It's the only way to keep your boyfriend safe," Valerie insisted. "If that boy is really your only reason to live, Richard can't harm him. Your father doesn't want you to be dead. But you must show him that you're dead serious about this and that if he doesn't let you live your life the way you want, you don't want to live at all!"_

_Turning the bottle of pills in his hand Blaine was still shaking his head. _

"_I don't like this," Blaine said, doubtful. _

"_How much you don't like it is beside the point," Valerie grabbed his shoulders. "The point is that you can demand _everything_ from your father after you wake up. __Your parents will be in shock. Your father will finally listen to you and go for what you want instead of molding you the way he wants you to be. You'll hold all the power! I'll talk Richard into feeling guilty and tell him that he's pushed you too far. Richard may be a cold person, but he's still your father! He doesn't want you to die!"_

"_I don't know, Val… I need to think about this..."_

"_There's no time to think, Blaine! Devon's about to leave! Do you want to stop him from paying your boyfriend a visit? Only Richard can stop him! After your father has found you unconcious, I'll tell him to stop Devon before things get worse! I'll make sure you're not getting hurt, and together we'll make sure Kurt doesn't get hurt either. I know it's not a perfect idea, but right now it's the only shot we've got. Wouldn't you do anything to keep Kurt from harm?"_

_Blaine stared at the bottle of pills in his hands. He trusted her, but…_

"_What about Shane? He'll be so upset! I have to explain it to him first what we're up to. He has to be included into the plan or else he'll be so scared..." _

_"Just leave it to me, Blaine. I'll tell him you didn't really want to kill yourself, but that it's just a trick we've planned out together. But you have to decide now!" Valerie's voice was insistent. _

_"_All right, Val," Blaine said, opening the bottle of pills. "I'll do it."__

_And for all the wrongness of the situation he knew he was doing the right thing. _

_Anything to keep Kurt safe. _

* * *

><p>"Is something wrong?" Valerie asked. "Blainey?"<p>

She reached out to touch his arm.

Blaine mentally shock himself and focused on the present.

"Everything's fine," he lied and stepped away from her, disgusted by her touch. His face had gone rigid, he didn't want her to notice that he finally remembered her betrayal.

"I'd better get dressed."

Quickly, he crossed the foyer on bare feet, only wearing a towel and got into his bedroom.

"I'm so dumb!" he cursed under his breath. "I'm so fucking stupid!"

"'morning," Shane mumbled from the couch. "What's wrong?"

"I trusted Valerie, that's wrong," Blaine hissed and grabbed some briefs from his drawer and put them on, then grasped his jeans from the floor.

"Huh?" Shane slowly propped up on his elbows and blinked at his brother.

"She tricked me," Blaine explained, keeping his angry voice low while buttoning up his jeans. "Dad would never have sent Devon after Kurt. _She_ did. She made me believe Kurt was in danger and the only way to stop Dad was to do something unpredictable."

"What are you talking about?" Shane asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"The night I took the pills, I finally remembered," Blaine said, raking his hands through his damp hair and slumping on the couch next to his brother.

"Valerie talked me into taking the pills. She made me believe that dad was going after Kurt and I could only stop him if I did something dramatic, something stupid! And I did!"

Blaine remembered the stomach-rolling tension he had felt back then, the panic and the sick feeling of dread. He clutched a couch cushion to his bare chest and felt like throwing up.

"I took the pills, because Val promised me she'd take care of me and make sure dad wouldn't hurt him. But instead she put me into that mental facility and made it look like I had wanted to kill myself and that I was mentally instable."

He looked at his brother in despair. "She's got it all planned out and she won't allow anyone to change the rules."

Shane's face twisted up in a grin. "We may not be able to change the rules, but we can always add another player into the game. Someone who can trick her."

Blaine frowned. "And who would that be?"

"Ah, don't worry about a thing, big brother. Just enjoy your birthday." Shane got up and stretched luxuriously.

"How about breakfast and some board games until it's time to go to the fashion show?"

With a big yawn he left towards the bathroom.

"Don't worry about a thing!" Blaine repeated in dismay and buried his head in his arms. "Argh!"

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading! :)<strong>

**Next up: the fashion show!**


	50. Walking On Broken Glass I

**Hi everyone! **

**THIS IS CHAPTER 50!**

**Can you believe it? **

**Yep, I can't believe it either. I'm kind of proud of myself for coming this far. This is a total of 25 chapters a year – while I'm also writing three other Klaine stories. I'm just stunned by myself right now. **

**Well, of course all of this would mean **_**nothing**_** without all of **_**you**_**, my darling readers! I'm really grateful for your patience and continued support of this story! :)**

**And a very special thank-you goes to my darling friend **_**normallyweirdm**_** for her help with this chapter and everything that's coming up next. I just love talking about ideas with you! :)**

**This chapter features Reed Van Kamp and his mother Hilde Van Kamp (OC from CP Coulter's story "Dalton"). The last time we saw Hilde in **_**No **__**Regrets**_** was in chapter 25. I hope you still remember her. :)**

* * *

><p><strong>You should listen to "Walking On Broken Glass" by Annie Lennox when you read this, because it's a great song. <strong>

**This is part ONE of the three-part fashion show chapter. **

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Walking On Broken Glass I<strong>

_You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew  
>But I don't care for sugar, honey, <em>

_If I can't have you  
><em>

It was the first time that Kurt had ever been on a plane. He had been extremely nervous to tell the truth, but in the end it had been amazing. Starting off with a private jet was the coolest thing ever.

Funnily, Reed the ever anxious boy had no trouble flying at all, he even laughed when Kurt grabbed the arms of his supercomfy seat at the take off.

"I was born on a plane, sort of," Reed explained. "Don't be scared, Kurt. Flying is like busdriving, or so I've been told. I've never really been on a bus before except for the tourbus we use with the Warblers to drive to competitions and those have been really bumpy on the road, so actually flying is much smoother than busdriving, but, well, what was I talking about before I drifted off? Oh, do you want a sparkling cider? Or a milkeshake? We've got everything on board."

Except for the stewardess and the crew they had been flying alone. Reed's mother was in Los Angeles for a couple of days already to prepare everything for her show and "whatever she's doing," Reed had said offhandedly.

At the airport they were welcomed by Emily Honeycutt, Hilde Van Kamp's assistent, and Anton, the driver. Emily was a cute short redhead with wild curly hair with a large clipboard and a headset, talking nonstop to people on the phone while ushering Reed and Kurt towards the exit.

Anton was carrying Reed's three shiny purple colored suitcases with a grace that had Kurt looking back at the man in amusement. Imagine a tall handsome German guy in a blue uniform and a chauffeur's hat handling a Gucci travel bag set designed for women.

"There are no purple colored bags for men," Reed had explained in defense at Kurt's silently raised eyebrow upon seeing his friend's baggage for the first time. "I happen to like the color."

"I didn't say anything," Kurt had smiled benignly at his friend.

Kurt had insisted on carrying his own travel bag at first, but Anton had charmingly assured him that it was "Kein Problem," no trouble at all.

"What happened to your last driver?" Kurt asked Reed in a low voice.

"Mom's into German guys now," Reed replied behind his hand. "Besides, Anton looks better in the uniform than Geoffrey did."

"I see," Kurt answered. "Your mom's definitely a woman with taste."

The _Hilton_ was incredible. Kurt was at a loss for words at the pomposity and awesomeness as he walked through the entrance hall and rode in a golden elevator. He felt like he was in an old Audrey Hepburn movie, expecting Gregory Peck or Cary Grant to turn the corner any minute.

"Five minutes, boys," Emily instructed them, scribbling something down on her clipboard. "We're going to meet Hilde at 11:30 sharp for lunch."

"Make that ten, Emmy," Reed negotiated when he opened the door to his shared apartment room with Kurt. "Kurt and I need to change into something more presentable before meeting mom and you know that my risk of injury increases when you rush me."

"All right," Emily scratched her last note on the clipboard and checked her watch. "Let's say eight and a half. Counting... _now_."

With a roll of his brown eyes Reed closed the door shut.

Kurt was walking across the room with his mouth slightly hanging open at all the luxury around him. He went to the window to have a look outside and was stunned by the sight.

"You enjoy the view, I'll go and choose our outfits," Reed said eagerly, followed by a cute little yelp and a loud "Ouch!" as he fell over one of his suitcases.

"Are you all right?" Kurt asked without looking back at his friend.

"I'm fine," Reed chirped gleefully. "Only a scratch. It's not even bleeding."

Kurt continued to watch the city below.

Somewhere out there was Blaine. He just had to find him.

_The sun's still shining in the big blue sky  
>But it don't mean nothing to me<br>_

_Oh let the rain come down  
>Let the wind blow through me<br>_

* * *

><p>"Reed, darling!" The tall platinum blond woman clutched her son to her chest. Then she held him at arm's length, took off her Chanel sunglasses and let out a displeased sigh. "Your hair!"<p>

Hilde tutted and produced a brush out of her large Gucci purse to work on her son's strawberry blond curls.

"Mom, you're embarrassing me!" Reed protested and tried to get away from her. "I'm seventeen, I can do my own hair."

"Obviously not," Hilde countered, pulling him back by his arm. "Stay put."

Reed scowled at her while she was brushing his hair back into a low pigtail and fixing it with a golden rubberband.

Kurt watched the scene with a grin covered by his hand.

"Cover your eyes!" Hilde instructed her son and sprayed an enormous amount of hairspray on him to prevent any stubborn curl from bouncing out of place.

"Are you done?" Reed asked sourly and then pointed to Kurt. "Mom, would you please say hello to my friend?"

"Oh right, you brought someone," Hilde clapped her hands and turned to Kurt. "It's so nice to see you again, Chord!"

Hilde Van Kamp gave Kurt a quick hug.

"It's Kurt," he corrected her and added quickly. "Thank you for letting me come. I'm really excited to be here."

"My pleasure," Hilde replied. "Any gay and fashion-conscious friend of Reed is my friend, too."

Kurt just smiled, not knowing what to say to that.

Lunch with Hilde Van Kamp was exhausting. To Kurt's surprise they didn't meet at a restaurant, but at a studio for modern art where they were treated with exquisite canapés and sparkling cider while running around the place and choosing pictures for the showroom.

"What do you think, darling?" Hilde asked her son, gazing at an ensemble of darkgreen pictures.

"I'd take this one," he pointed at another picture showing an abstract blotch which resembled a strawberry.

Hilde tilted her head. "Are you sure?"

"Mom, I know more about art than you do," Reed argued. "Believe me, that picture would go amazingly with your new spring collection."

"I'm not sure. Chord, what do you think?"

"_Kurt_ thinks all of this is boring and wants to go shopping instead, right?" Reed hinted.

"Uhm... I don't mean to be rude..." Kurt said.

"Boys, there's no time," Hilde said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"We have a very tight schedule today before we're heading to Rodeo Drive to take care of the show's preparations," Emily agreed, tapping her pen against her clipboard.

"I promise you can go shopping and exploring the city tomorrow," Hilde said.

Being on tour with Hilde Van Kamp consisted of being dragged from one place to another. After three hours Kurt was dizzy and couldn't even count anymore where they've already been to. Reed was used to the peculiarities of his mother and just looked slightly bored.

When they got back into the limousine after a stop at _Tiffany's_ where Hilde picked up loaned jewelry for her models she took the opportunity of the drive to Bevery Hills to pester her son about his personal life.

"Say, darling, haven't you met any potential love interest at that all boys school yet?"

"Mom!" Reed exclaimed in annoyance. "Stop asking me this! Especially in public!"

"Public?" Hilde let out a chuckle. "There's just Emily, Anton and Kurt in the car and Kurt's your friend and he's gay. Take an example from him. You're not ashamed of being gay, are you, Kurt?"

"No, not at all," Kurt replied. "But everybody has to take his or her own time to figure out how they feel about such things," he said in Reed's defense. "Not everybody just _knows_."

"I only wish you'd finally come to terms with your orientation," she sighed heartily, leaning a cheek in her hand and looking at her son closely. "This uncertainty drives me crazy. You know that I would absolutely support you, Reed. It's any designer's dream to have a gay son."

Reed just crossed his arms and looked out of the window.

"What about that boy you told me you had a crush on?"

"I never told you that I had a crush on him!" Reed protested fiercely. "I just told you that Blaine's younger brother kind of followed me around. Besides, it doesn't matter what I feel for him, because he's not interested in me anymore."

"Why not?" Hilde asked in utter bafflement.

"Because clearly I'm too much trouble to be with," Reed muttered to himself. "Who'd want to be with a neurotic klutz like me anyway?"

"Now, now, don't be dramatic," Hilde scolded him. "Any person can call themselves lucky to be with you."

"Why? Because I'm a Van Kamp?" Reed sighed. "Heir of the Van Kamp empire?"

"No," Hilde raised her brows at him, surprised. "Because you're a wonderful and sweet person." Hilde brushed a piece of lint off her son's shoulder and turned to address Kurt. "Did I tell you that I named him _Reed_, because it rhymes with _sweet_."

"Mom!" Reed called out in annoyance. "If Kurt wanted to know about that he would've read your _How To Be A Princess_ manual in which you've written a whole embarrassing chapter about _my_ babyhood."

"Actually, I have read it," Kurt replied with an amused smile. "It's very informative and the anecdotes about Reed are especially precious."

"See?" Hilde said to her son.

Kurt smiled to himself. "I wish Blaine's parents were like your mom," he muttered to Reed.

"You mean annoying? Patronizing? A pain in the butt?" Reed asked with a long heavy sigh.

"No, I mean _not_ homophobic."

"She just recently told me that she put me into _Dalton_, because it was rumored to be a gay school and she thought I might feel _at home_ there! Can you imagine _that_?"

Kurt just raised an eyebrow at his friend. He suspected that Reed's mother knew her son better than he knew himself.

"Could it be that you're fighting down your feelings, because you don't want to hear your mother say, _I told you so_?" Kurt asked with a sly grin. "Besides, Shane didn't reject you because you were too much trouble," Kurt reminded his friend. "He broke contact because he wants to keep you _out of _trouble."

"It doesn't make the situation any better, does it?" Reed pulled a strand out of his pigtail, playfully twisting it around his fingers and looked out of the car window miserably.

Kurt was distracted by his phone which just beeped with a message.

"What is it?" Reed asked after Kurt checked his phone with a deepening frown.

"It's a message from Wes," Kurt explained. "Shane didn't tell Erica their address. She told him that we're in L. A., but it looks like he and Blaine don't want to see us."

"I'm sorry." Reed made a sympathetic face. "What do you want to do now?"

"I'm going to knock at every door in Venice Beach if I have to," Kurt replied drily, sounding deadly determined.

_I'm living in an empty room  
>With all the windows smashed<br>_

_And I've got so little left to lose  
>That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass<br>_

* * *

><p>"Dress rehearsal time!" Hilde Van Kamp clapped her hands and all the models stood straight.<p>

Backstage was chaos.

Even watching shows like _Project Runway_ hadn't prepared Kurt for what it was like behind the scenes of a real fashion show.

How on earth Hilde kept track of all the details of the show was a miracle to Kurt.

The designer kept everyone busy, including Reed and Kurt.

It was only in brief moments of quietness that Kurt was able to stop and think and fret over the fact that he now was in Los Angeles, within vicinity of Blaine, but stuck in this fashion show and not able to find Blaine anyway. There were a lot of doors at Venice Beach to knock at. He had planned on visiting the facility first thing on Saturday morning and get to talk to Gabriel. Maybe the orderly could help him.

It was just so sad to think that today was Blaine's eighteenth birthday and Kurt couldn't even wish him a happy birthday.

Right now Reed had vanished on an errand his mother had send him on across the hotel while Kurt was supposed to checking a list of accessories Hilde gave to the models. He admired her keen eye and her taste in clothing. He spent more time admiring the hats and brooches and scarves than actually taking stock of them. It almost took his mind off his personal troubles. Almost. But Blaine was always on his mind.

Suddenly Reed came running to Kurt, his hands fluttering and his eyes wide in excitement.

"ShaneandBlaineareintheaudiencethirdrowinthefront! " he said in a rush, hyperventilating.

Kurt raised a brow at him. "I didn't understand a word, Reed. Say it again _slowly_."

Reed took a deep breath and repeated. "Shane and Blaine are in the audience, third row in the front!"

For a long second Kurt just stared at him, not believing in his hearing right. "_What_?"

Reed grasped Kurt's arm and pulled him along. "Excuse us a second!" Kurt called out to Hilde Van Kamp who shot them an annoyed glance at their sudden departure.

Reed led him upstairs to the upper level which granted a hidden view over the audience. Kurt squinted his eyes, checking out the crowd.

"Do you see them? Right over there!" Reed stood right beside him and pointed frantically. "What do we do now, Kurt?"

Kurt craned his neck until he spotted the Anderson brothers.

Oh God. It really was Blaine!

Kurt felt his knees go weak.

The dazzling spotlight and flashs from the press were blinding and the audience sat mostly in the dark, yet still he could make out Blaine's face at the far end of the runway.

On his left sat Shane and to his right was Valerie. Her blond hair and pointed face was easily recognizable. Kurt's frown deepened at the sight of Devon who was sitting next to Shane.

Kurt had to grab hold of the wall to support himself. His body wanted nothing more but run to Blaine, but instead his mind started racing.

He couldn't just walk over there and say hello. For one thing the hall was guarded – there were VIP and celebrities in the audience after all. Nobody could just walk in and out as they pleased, not even a member of the backstage staff like him. How could he get near Blaine?

Kurt pressed a hand flat on his heart to keep it from crushing through his ribs.

"What now?" Reed repeated his question. "How can we talk to them?"

"Well, we can't just walk up to them with Valerie around," Kurt contemplated.

"I could ask my mom to invite Blaine backstage, but it would have to look like she's randomly picking someone out of the audience, so that this Valerie person doesn't suspect anything."

Kurt considered the idea but shook his head back and forth. "Valerie won't let him out of her grasp. She would insist on coming along. There is so much security around, she would rather cause a riot than let Blaine go."

Anxiously, Reed took him by the arm and pulled him back. "Step back before they see you!"

"Don't worry, they can't see me from up here," Kurt said slowly, an idea forming in his head. "But they need to see me. _Blaine_ needs to see me."

"I guess there's nothing we can do now," Reed said with a shrug. "The show's going to start any minute."

"Right," Kurt murmured and then his eyes flashed up. "Right!"

He hurried downstairs not waiting for his friend to keep up with him.

* * *

><p>Kurt ran up to Reed's mother. "Mrs Van Kamp, please let me walk the runway!"<p>

The designer studied his slender shape scrutinizingly. "Have you ever walked before?"

"Well, no," Kurt admitted. "But I've watched every season of _Project_ _Runway_ religiously!"

She hesitated for a moment, thoughtful eyes raking over him before they light up. "All right, you can walk, but only if my son's walking, too," she replied with a smug grin.

Kurt turned to Reed, hands clasped together in a pleading gesture. "Please, Reed, I'll be forever in your debt!"

Reed looked stricken at the idea, taking a small step away from Kurt and his mother while shaking his head frantically. "No, I can't! You know I suffer stage fright. Everybody's eyes will be on me. Everybody will expect me to be perfect."

"Shane will get to see you!" Kurt said encouragingly.

Reed's eyes grew in horror. "That's even worse!"

"Come on, he'll love to see you! You're gorgeous!"

Reed was still looking like he wanted nothing more than to flee the room, so Kurt gently grasped his hand. He needed to be out there, he needed Blaine to see him, which meant that he needed Reed to agree to this. He squeezed Reed's hand and tried to imitate the puppy-dog look that Blaine had used on him a million times before, the one that had Kurt submitting to his every whim because he could just not resist it. "Please Reed, please."

Reed groaned a little at the sight of him. "You had to have learned that from Blaine, that's an Anderson thing which is not fair to use against me." Reed fidgeted for a moment before he took a deep calming breath. "All right. I'll do it." He agreed in a timid voice, but as always eager to jump over his own shadow to help Kurt.

Kurt pulled him into a tight hug, "thank you!"

* * *

><p>"Oh, this is <em>fantastique<em>!" Hilde had far too much fun choosing outfits for Kurt and her son.

Kurt got to wear forbidden tight golden pants with black boots. High heels! A short white jacket showing off his behind, white fingerless gloves and a light golden scarf so long that it was almost touching the ground.

When he saw that a stylist was draping a similar scarf around Reed's neck, Kurt went over and made sure that the scarf wouldn't be able to tangle up his friend's legs and make him fall over.

Two hair-dressers did a last minute job to fix his hair, towering his bangs up and spraying golden glitter all over him. A make-up girl powdered him and accentuated his eyes with golden eye shadow. When Kurt glanced into a nearby mirror he almost didn't recognize himself. He looked stunning.

With a wide grin he turned to see his friend. Reed was wearing the same outfit as Kurt, but his scarf and pants were silver while his jacket was red. He was hiding his hair underneath a red beret, just two curls of his strawberry blond hair framed his heart-shaped face.

They were ready for the second run.

Reed was standing close to Kurt behind the curtain, trembling with fright. "I feel like I'm going to throw up."

Kurt took his friend's hand. "You'll be all right, Reed. Just take a deep breath."

Reed took a shaky breath and determinedly pressed his lips together, puffing out his cheeks.

Kurt couldn't hide an affectionate grin. He shook Reed's arm. "Hey, I didn't say to hold it, silly. Slowly breathe in and out, like we practiced for your last English exam, remember?"

"Right," Reed said, gulping for air. "How come you're not nervous, Kurt?"

Kurt squeezed his friend's hand tighter and smiled faintly. "I am, Reed. I'm freaking out inside."

"Oh," Reed said, licking his lips. "So, what's your plan?"

"I don't know," Kurt replied. He had no plan whatsoever. He just knew he had to do _something_.

"I just want to remind you that I can't walk a straight line," Reed said, his face white as a sheet, just looking miserable. "I will trip over my feet in front of everyone and fall face-first into the audience, and just for the record I'm pretty sure falling off the runway into someone's lap is doing no good for my anxiety disorder and did I mention that I forgot to bring my _Xanax_ and..."

"Oh, my God, Reed, that's it!" Kurt exclaimed.

"What?" Reed asked, furrowing his brow in concern. "You want me to make a fool of myself? I mean more than usual and in front of a big audience? Because I could do that if you need a distraction. At least then my clumsiness would be good for something."

"You don't have to do anything, except walking for your mom, that is." Kurt gave Reed another quick hug. "Just keep your fingers crossed for me and wish me luck."

"What are you going to do?" Reed asked, his brown eyes widening in a slight panic.

Kurt let out a deep sigh. "I'm going to walk on broken glass," he answered mysteriously with a wink.

_Since you've abandoned me  
>My whole life has crashed<br>_

Hilde Van Kamp was an admirer of the singer Annie Lennox and had dedicated today's fashion show to her. For the second run an upbeat remix of Lennox' song _Walking On Broken Glass_ was blasting through the speakers.

_Won't you pick the pieces up  
>Because it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass<em>

_Walking on walking on broken glass_

Kurt stepped out on stage, anxious as hell.

He wasn't in the slightest nervous about the cameras flashing and everybody's eyes on him. He was a mess because he knew Blaine was in the audience.

Kurt kept his eyes straight ahead, his chin raised, he was just an expressionless player in the game.

As he walked gracefully on his high heels he tried to get a look of his boyfriend, but he hadn't thought about the blinding lights in the room. He almost couldn't make out any of the faces of the people in the audience. Worried that he might not make eye contact with Blaine he walked slower than the beat of the music demanded.

To ruin this walk might ruin his chances to ever be considered a runway model for Hilde Van Kamp again, but it was worth it if only he was able to seek out Blaine.

Kurt reached the far end of the runway and stopped to struck a pose.

That's when he saw Blaine.

Blaine was sitting right in front of him, three rows away. Instantly Kurt felt paralyzed, chanting 'Look at me! Look at me!' repeatedly in his head.

But Blaine wasn't watching the models on the runway. He kept his gaze to the backstage entrance, occasionally scanning the crowd.

_He's looking out for me_, Kurt realized. _Wesley told him that I was going to be here._

Of course there was no way for Blaine to expect to see Kurt _on stage_.

_I'm living in an empty room  
>With all the windows smashed<br>_

Kurt could feel Valerie's eyes on him who was casually studying the clothes on his slim frame, luckily she was focusing on his high heels. He did his best to avoid eye contact with Valerie, hoping the woman wouldn't recognize him.

Kurt knew that he had to get Blaine's attention, quickly, because he couldn't freeze in the front forever. He was supposed to only strike a pose and then turn and walk back. Kurt chose to make a bold move, something he might get scolded for by Hilde Van Kamp.

_And I've got so little left to lose  
>That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass<em>

Kurt stomped his left foot, his high heels clinking loudly on the floor, and clapped twice, his hands level with his eyes, left side of his face, like he had seen Spanish dancers do.

At this, finally, Blaine looked up.

So did everyone else, including Valerie.

But Kurt didn't care about anybody else. Their eyes met and Blaine stared right back at him.

_Now everyone of us was made to suffer  
>Everyone of us was made to weep<br>_

Kurt kept his gaze on Blaine for a long second and his heart stopped beating the instant he saw the recognition in his boyfriend's eyes. Blaine had realized it was him up on that runway.

Everything felt surreal. The people, the floor beneath his feet, the fancy clothes he wore. It was like he was caught in a dream. The only real thing in his world was Blaine who was looking right back at him.

His legs moved automatically. He didn't really know what he was doing.

_Don't let me keep on walking...  
>Walking on broken glass<br>_

Kurt made another step forward and tripped over the edge.

With flailing arms he fell off the runway into the pit at the feet of the people sitting in first row.

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

**Annie Lennox - ****Walking On Broken Glass**

**Thank you for reading! :)**


	51. Walking On Broken Glass II

**This is part TWO of the three-part fashion show chapter.**

* * *

><p><strong>Walking On Broken Glass II<strong>

"Relax," Shane muttered towards him.

Blaine let out a humorless laugh, sounding like a strangled cough. How was it even possible that Shane was so calm and centered? Usually the younger Anderson was the restless one who couldn't sit still. Now it was Blaine shifting nervously in his seat and craning his neck to get a better view.

The two brothers were stuck in between the McVaughn siblings. To Shane's right was Devon, Valerie sat next to Blaine. They had an unique talent of making him feel like a prisoner. He had tried to get to the restroom on his own, but Devon had practically stood outside of the stall door.

He wondered if Kurt was there, sitting in one of the rows, somewhere, next to Reed, watching the show. Or if they were backstage.

Wesley had said that Kurt and Reed would be here. That is if the long way from Wesley over Erica to Shane was reliable. Even if Kurt really was here at this show, how would they be able to see each other and talk? Or even escape together?

Blaine twisted his hands to keep himself from jumping up and running around the place, calling out Kurt's name. For a brief moment Blaine closed his eyes to chastise himself.

_This is crazy. Kurt's not here. Just because I want to see him so desperately doesn't make him appear out of thin air. _

"Blainey, why are you so fidgety?" Valerie let out a laugh and patted his arm. "It's just a fashion show."

"Well, it's been a while since I've been outside," Blaine replied, clearing his voice and swiping his hands on his jeans.

The show had started and models were entering the stage, showing off the latest chic.

Blaine wasn't interested in the fashion and the models at all. At least Shane feigned some enthusiasmn.

If only he could take a look backstage, if only he could catch a glimpse of Kurt and just _know_ for sure that he was here. It had become so hard to picture him inside of his head. If Blaine closed his eyes and focused, he could still remember the deep ocean blue color of Kurt's eyes. But he needed to see him in person. He needed to run his fingers through Kurt's silky hair, needed to hear that delightful little laugh Kurt made when Blaine said something funny. He needed to get lost in those eyes, and he never wanted to be found; he wanted to stay wrapped up in Kurt for the rest of his life.

Most of all he needed to know if his feelings for Kurt were still real or if they'd turned into a sweet fantasy to keep him going. He was afraid that by meeting Kurt they would have to admit that they'd lost something in the past few weeks.

Maybe they were both just chasing a dream.

What if they were finally looking into each other's eyes again just to realize that the magic between them was gone?

No! Blaine bit down on his lip. He refused to linger on such a sad thought. Instead he tried to picture his future. A world without fear, without the submission of his father and the influence of Valerie, he could almost see it in a far away future where he would be free and would be able to tell Kurt he loved him again.

"I'm sorry, but I don't see it," Valerie said out of the blue and Blaine looked up, startled. Could she read his mind?

"What do you mean?"

"Your fascination with these clothes," she jerked her head towards the runway. "I really don't see what you like about them. The design is simple and the pants are too tight for my liking. What kind of man would actually wear these pants?"

"I would," Shane stated nonchalantly.

Valerie glanced at him, scandalized.

Blaine bit down on his lip to stop a grin from spreading on his face.

"As long as you're not wearing something like _that_ to my wedding." Valerie shrugged.

In an instant the smirk died on Blaine's face. He hated when she talked like that, as if everything had been decided already.

"Don't worry, Val," Shane replied. "On your wedding day I'll wear black."

Valerie looked pleased with this relevation, not hearing his whispered addition to his brother.

"To show sympathy for the poor guy who's losing his freedom to her." He winked at Blaine. "And I have a feeling it won't be you, big bro."

Blaine gave him a grateful smile. "Thanks for the support, Shane."

"Hey, I want to dance on your wedding, but only if Kurt is going to be the bride."

Blaine chuckled. "Don't let Kurt hear you effeminate him."

"Ah, you can both be the brides for all I care," Shane shrugged. "I want to be your best man, though. And I want Reed to be my date."

"Unlikely," Blaine joined the fantasy, tilting his head towards his brother. "Not when you're wearing clothes out of his mother's collection. That's like trying to impress him with clothes his mommy chose for you."

Shane elbowed him wearing a big grin on his face.

"Just stay true to your own style," Blaine added with a wink. "You know, there's nothing more badass than being who you are."

The first round came to an end and the host talked about the difference between pointed boots and cowboy boots.

Blaine could feel the disappointment and hopelessness creeping in. This was pointless. They shouldn't have come. He was just fooling himself. Nothing was going to happen.

He couldn't share in the excitement and happiness he felt buzzing around him, everybody was at ease and enjoying the show while he was torturing himself with his miserable thoughts.

For the second round the music changed to an upbeat remix version of Annie Lennox' _Walking On Broken Glass_. Blaine had always been fascinated with songs like this one with a happy bouncy melody and supersad lyrics.

_Now everyone of us was made to suffer  
>Everyone of us was made to weep<br>But we've been hurting one another  
>And now the pain has cut too deep...<em>

Suddenly, Shane's hand flew up to hit lightly on Blaine's arm. "Pinch me," he whispered excitedly, "Am I dreaming or is it Reed?"

"What? Where?" Blaine quickly scanned the crowds in front of them, and then looked over to one of the backstage doors when he didn't see any signs of Reed. He looked everywhere but up at the runway.

"Up there!" Shane nudged him and nodded towards the stage. "Walking in front of the tall pale one with the coiffed up hair."

Blaine squinted his eyes, trying to get a good look at the models face. It couldn't be Reed… could it?

"Oh, my God, it _is_ Reed!" Shane exclaimed excitedly before he could stop himself. His voice was a little too loud and the sound carried over to Valerie, catching her attention.

"Reed, who?" Valerie asked with a frown, craning her neck for a better look.

"Tweed," Blaine replied, laughing a little bit. "He's talking about tweed, and no, Shane, that's not _tweed_."

"How can you think that's tweed?" Valerie asked, pointing up to the model in front. "It's obviously silk," Valerie pulled a face. "Seriously, Shane, for all that you've wanted to go to a fashion show so desperately you've got no clue about fashion whatsoever."

"I can admire it without any profound knowledge," Shane replied in a murmur while his gaze was still captured by the small figure walking towards them.

Any doubt about whether or not it was Reed vanished when the audience recognized the Van Kamp heir and applauded him like he was a superstar.

The slender boy with the strawberry blond hair kept a professional poker face, but his cheeks blushed a little due to the attention. Blaine was amazed that Reed would even go on stage. He knew that his Warbler mate was likely to have a mini panic attack just when he had to go in front of the class to write something on the chalk board, let alone going up on a runway in front of press and high couture society.

Blaine grew excited as he watched Reed walking the runway. If Reed was here, Kurt couldn't be far.

Blaine scanned the audience again. Where would Reed sit his best friend? Somewhere front row, of course, but Blaine couldn't spot Kurt anywhere.

Perhaps he hadn't been able to come, after all. Burt might not have allowed it. Kurt must still be hurt with his injuries. Blaine swallowed hard and glanced over at Devon. He hadn't allowed himself to think much about it, but it dawned on him that he was living under the same roof as the man who had beaten up Kurt on New Year's. Blaine clenched his fists in his lap. He would pay Devon back somehow.

He looked up again to see his former schoolmate reaching the end of the runway, about to turn and walk back. He was glancing up at Reed, hoping the boy would give him any indication to whether Kurt was with him or not.

But Reed didn't look at Blaine, but squinted next to him and a smile lit up Reed's face when he caught Shane's eye.

Shane clutched his brother's arm to contain his excitement. Blaine watched Reed turn around and walk back stiffly, clearly highly concentrated on every step as not to stumble.

The tall young man who had been walking behind Reed had now stopped and struck a pose in the front of the runway, only a couple of feet away from where Blaine was sitting.

Blaine was still scanning the audience, sitting up straight to have a better view. There still was no sign of Kurt's presence, but perhaps if Blaine made himself taller Kurt would spot him first and make himself visible to Blaine. _Please, Kurt, if you're here let me see you._

Blaine's mind was distracted by a clapping sound. Looking up he noticed that the tall model who came after Reed was still standing in front, his hands raised and his left leg stretched in a pose of arrogant _Here I Am Look At Me. _

What a bragger. Wasn't a model supposed to _not_ draw attention to themselves, but to present the clothes they were wearing?

It took Blaine a second to realize that the guy up on stage was looking right at him, his eyes piercing into his own.

It was only then that he recognized him.

A chill went through him and he dug his nails into the arms of his seat.

Kurt? Could it be Kurt?

That gorgeous model walking like a professional was _Kurt_?

_So take me from the wreckage  
>Save me from the blast<br>Lift me up and take me back  
><em>

Blaine was paralyzed. He couldn't move a finger, he just looked up at Kurt, not believing what he was seeing. Then he realized that he had to do something, because any second now Kurt would have to turn around and walk back and he would never see him again.

Before Blaine could figure out what to do, Kurt took another step forward as if he was about to continue his walk on air and in this moment Blaine would have believed that Kurt was able to defy gravity and float gracefully over to him, take his hand and fly away with him.

_Don't let me keep on walking...  
>Walking on broken glass<br>_

But Kurt fell. He hit the ground with a loud thump, making everyone gasp in shock.

Blaine let out a strangled cry and was on his feet immediately.

"Excuse me, excuse me!" Blaine climbed over the seats that separated him from the front of the runway. Nobody else had gotten off their seats to help the fallen model. Blaine was the only one crouching down next to the boy sitting on the floor.

"Are you okay?"

Their eyes met and Blaine was mesmerized. It was Kurt, it really was Kurt.

They stared at each other for a long second, both not believing this was real. After all this time they were actually within a couple of inches of each other, could actually reach out and touch the other.

Kurt scrambled to his feet and Blaine was with him, helping him up all gentleman-like, but Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand fiercely and dragged him away. "Run!"

Before Valerie and Devon could react they ran away through the audience towards the exit.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading! :)<strong>

**Songs in this chapter: **

**Annie Lennox - ****Walking On Broken Glass**


	52. Walking On Broken Glass III

**Hello everyone! I'm so sorry that I disappeared for such a long time again. I've been busy as hell with work because a co-worker quit and I have to work double shifts. I really didn't mean to keep you waiting so long. I hope this chapter makes up for it. :)**

**On another note, I'm going to the CHRIS COLFER BOOK SIGNING in LONDON this Sunday. I'm not telling you this to brag about it, but to see if anyone of you is going, too. If so, maybe there's a chance to meet up? Contact me. :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Walking On Broken Glass III<strong>

Kurt led the way through the rows of seats towards the exit with Blaine's hand on firm grasp. Some people in the audience were smirking at them, some frowned, clearly affronted by Kurt's unprofessional getaway from the scene, some expressed worry for the boy who hit ground. Most of them didn't care about them, however, too engrossed into the ongoing show to pay much attention to the shameful model who had fallen off stage.

Blaine didn't pay attention to anyone or anything but the hand clutching his own tight and dragging him along.

It was Kurt. Underneath the expensive clothes and the make-up and the fancy hair-do was Kurt. He was really here!

Blaine couldn't wrap his head around the fact that this was happening. He followed Kurt like he was in trance, like he was sleepwalking, holding on to the firm grip of Kurt's hand and allowing him to take him away.

Kurt glanced at him over his shoulder, his eyes mirroring Blaine's feelings of wonder and surreality, a smile of disbelief curling up his lips, before he turned again and pulled Blaine towards the exit.

A woman with a headset crossed their path at the door and Blaine tensed up, expecting her to stop them and call for security. Internally he prepared to shove her out of the way, but she just addressed Kurt with a concerned look. "Are you all right, dear? Do you need someone to look at your foot?"

"No, thanks, I just need some fresh air," Kurt replied.

She nodded sweetly. "Be back before the finale or else Hilde will kill you."

Her eyes crossed their clutched hands, but she didn't comment on it, just smiled to herself.

On the way out Kurt looked over his shoulder and Blaine followed his gaze. Valerie and Devon were making their way across the audience, with Shane trying to hold them back.

They had to be quick.

In the hallway they started running. Only now Blaine realized that Kurt was limping, also that he was kind of towering over him. He glanced down at Kurt's feet and realized that no, he hadn't grown several inches in the weeks they'd been apart; he was just wearing incredible heels, making his stunt absolutely plausible.

Kurt headed towards the elevators and pushed the buttons impatiently. The fashion show was in the conference room on the top of the building on the 25th floor.

Once inside the elevator they finally took a breath and looked at each other, really _seeing_ one another.

Actually standing here with Kurt surrounded by a three wall mirror was a surreal moment. Blaine's whole body was like on stand-by, tense and buzzing, and eagerly waiting for someone to push the play button.

Kurt stared at him like similar feelings were taking hold of him. His mouth was slightly open as if ready to say something, but there was no need for words. They needn't say how much they had missed each other and how they had suffered. It was understood.

Everything Blaine wanted and needed to know he could read in Kurt's loving eyes.

"Kurt..." Blaine cracked a smile, a blissful sound escaping his throat as he was staring at his boyfriend in fascination and awe. "Are you even real?" Blaine asked, beaming with joy and at the same time tearing up.

"Yes," Kurt said, letting out a happy laugh. "Yes, I'm real."

Kurt slowly moved to cup his cheek, lifting the hand that wasn't still clutching Blaine's own tightly as if he feared that letting go of it would send the mirage of Blaine before him fluttering away.

"You're real too," he whispered softly, and Blaine leaned into his soft caress for a moment before Kurt suddenly pulled Blaine into his arms, engulfing him in a tight bone-crushing hug. "Happy birthday, Blaine!"

Blaine could only let out a watery, choking sound that Kurt supposed was a laugh in response.

It was as if they'd never been apart and yet at the same time Blaine felt like a million years had gone by. He'd missed seeing Kurt so much. How much he only realized at the very real touch of Kurt's hand holding his and his warm body pressed against his own, seeing the mixture of bliss and disbelief in Kurt's blue eyes, probably mirroring his own astonishment.

Kurt hummed a little against him and Blaine felt his boyfriend trembling in his arms. He thought Kurt was crying but when their eyes met Blaine was captured by the brightest and happiest smile he'd ever seen on his boyfriend's face, laced with unshed tears in his eyes.

"I almost didn't recognize you," Kurt said with a soft chuckle, only pulling away a little bit to look at him and gently brush a dark curl out of Blaine's forehead. "I like your hair this way," Kurt murmured, his fingers now spreading into Blaine's loose curls. "Wild and free."

"Well, look at you, professional runway model," Blaine replied, cupping Kurt's face and thumbing a stray tear off his boyfriend's cheek. "Is there anything Kurt Hummel can't do?"

Kurt nodded, his throat tight with tears. "Live without you," he whispered and tried a smile to mask his misery, but Blaine felt the truth in these words, because he felt the same way.

"Oh, Kurt..." Blaine closed the little bit of space left between them by pressing his mouth on Kurt's lips. Immediately Kurt melted into him, draping his arms around Blaine's shoulders and surrendering into the kiss.

And for Blaine it felt like everything had just been a bad dream and he had finally woken up to reality, a reality in which Kurt was the only true part of his world. Everything else was fake.

Time had stopped inside the elevator cabin. Only a constant _bing bing bing_ sound told them they were moving down from floor to floor. If it was up to Blaine he wouldn't have minded being stuck in the cabin with Kurt forever, just the two of them without anybody able to get to them.

The way Kurt kissed him, gently bit into his bottom lip, tasting him, caressing his tongue with his own, made Blaine shiver and cling to his long-lost boyfriend more fiercely.

God, how he had missed this. It was incredible how awesome kissing Kurt was.

Kurt buckled his knees to be level with Blaine and his arms were holding him strongly, making Blaine believe nothing and nobody could ever snatch him from this embrace.

They were startled when the elevator came to a stop and the door slid open. A couple of grannies moved to enter the cabin. Kurt took Blaine's hand and together they slipped out, making their way past the old ladies and ignoring their stares either due to Kurt's outfit or due to their clasped hands.

"This isn't the lobby," Blaine observed as they came to a halt in front of a small lounge next to the elevators with three different corridors to choose from to get to the hotel rooms.

"I thought this was first floor," Kurt said, disorientated. "That's why I got out."

"It's the sixth floor." Blaine pointed to the sign above the couple of elevators. Then he moved to push the button.

"No, wait!" Kurt grabbed Blaine's arm. "The second car is on its way down, too. Valerie was following us. That might be her."

Blaine immediately turned serious. "Shit! She's going to look for us in the lobby."

"I just totally screwed our headstart." Kurt scrunched up his face.

"So, what's the plan?" Blaine asked.

"I don't have one," Kurt admitted, his face still flushed by the kiss. "This is a spur of the moment kind of thing. I didn't plan to kidnap you and I don't know where to go from here and..."

"Ssh," Blaine didn't mean to hush Kurt, because he loved hearing his voice. He just wanted to calm him the best way he knew how, so Blaine kissed him again.

"Mmh, we need to get out of here," Kurt mumbled against Blaine's lips.

"Don't worry. We're here. How is she to know we're on the sixth floor?" Blaine was slowly directing Kurt towards one of the armchairs, apparently to snuggle up in it.

"No, I'm serious," Kurt said, although he was giggling. "We should get going. Let's take the stairs!"

Smiling Kurt ignored the way Blaine was almost pouting and pulled him across the corridor towards the door that led to the staircase.

They went through the door and Blaine moved to take the steps downstairs, but Kurt stopped him.

"Downstairs we might run right into Valerie and Devon," Kurt pointed out.

"I'm sure Val thinks we're already in a cab and on our merry way towards freedom. I don't think she'll be lingering in the lobby and wait for us to show up."

"But what if they do?" Kurt worried. "Wouldn't it be better to get back to the fashion show and ask Reed and his mother for help?"

"It's nineteen floors to get back to the fashion show," Blaine pulled a face. "Do you want to climb them in these shoes?"

"Right," Kurt puckered his lips, considering their options for a second. "Okay, downstairs."

Kurt was slow, because taking the stairs in high heels wasn't that easy. But their hands were tightly clasped and Blaine enjoyed watching Kurt's long legs in action.

"Say, did you trip onstage because of these shoes or did you fall on purpose?" Blaine asked with a grin.

"Hey, I can walk in heels," Kurt answered with a smirk. "I wore much higher ones for a Lady Gaga performance once." Kurt giggled and Blaine's heart kind of exploded at the sound. "Kurt, I love you."

Kurt stopped and his face melted with emotion. "I love you, too."

There was so much more that Blaine wanted to tell him, but right now he saved his breath to do something more important than talk.

"Come here." Gently Blaine pulled Kurt into an embrace and brushed his lips against Kurt's, carefully gracing his teeth along the line of Kurt's bottom lip, as if afraid that Kurt might vanish into thin air if he touched him. But Kurt was still real and he opened his mouth and demanded more.

They kissed again and the world stopped turning. It was like they had all the time in the world to kiss and feel one another in their arms. Blaine could feel the longing radiate from Kurt as if it was reflecting his own.

Kurt was giggling against Blaine's lips and making mmh-sounds as if the taste of Blaine's mouth was delicious. "Oh, you taste good and you smell so good! God, I've missed you!" Kurt put his arms around Blaine's neck to pull him closer.

Blaine was delirious with Kurt's presence. He pressed his lips on Kurt's mouth again, but Kurt made a soft whining noise and made eye contact.

"We really need to get away," Kurt spoke in a low, urgent voice.

"Yes," Blaine agreed, and resumed kissing. They just couldn't stop kissing, it was sheer impossible to break apart.

* * *

><p><strong>Hello my wonderful readers! <strong>**  
><strong>

**I just got the exciting news by the host of the 2013 Glee fanfic awards that I have been nominated enough times to be named a finalist for BEST MYSTERY FIC (No Regrets) and best mystery fic writer! I didn't even know there was such a thing!**

**I can't tell you how proud I am to hear this! I may have cried when I read the message. I feel like Kurt felt when he learned that he was a NYADA finalist! So happy! :D**

**Thank you all of you guys a million for VOTING for me and considering my story worthy an award! I can't tell you enough how much this means to me and it definitely encourages me to hurry up with my updates! Thank you so much for your support! :)**

**~ . ~**

**Curious as I am I have checked on my competition - the other finalists for the same category.**

**It looks like I am the ONLY KLAINE fanfic writer! I'm up against stories about Brittana, Finchel, Sam/Quinn and Sam/Mercedes.**

**I can't believe I am the only Klaine fanfic writer nominated for this! Wow! O.o**

**~ . ~**

**Apparently, voting will close for general categories on July 10 at 11:59 PM Eastern Time (East Coast USA). You can submit your votes by messaging this blog:**

**gleefanficawards2013*dot*tumblr*dot*com**

**Please vote for me! :)**

**I want to win this thing FOR ALL THE Klainers out there! Yay! :D**

**~ . ~**


	53. I Might Bleed

**A/N: **

**Hello! What can I say? I'm just not good at fast updating. I'm really sorry to have kept you waiting again. Since my last update a lot of things happened. **

**In June I went to London to see Chris at his book signing, which was absolutely amazing. **

**Then I got nominated best mystery writer and best mystery fic for NO REGRETS. Thank you all for your votes. The outcome has not been announced yet, because of what happened on July, 13. **

**Cory's passing was a shock for me as it was for everyone else. It still hurts thinking about it and I guess we will feel the loss again once season five starts. **

**Let me just say that I love all of you guys! All my faithful readers who stick with me and bear with my slow writing. As long as you're here to cheer me on I'll never stop writing this. Reviews are love and motivation! :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 53 – <strong>**I Might Bleed**

When Reed got backstage he let out a huge breath of relief, so proud of himself that he had made his way on the catwalk without stumbling or embarrassing himself any other way.

He was excited that he had just made it through his first walk ever.

For a second he allowed himself to admit that part of the excitement was seeing Shane again. A big part. And Blaine, of course. Granted, from what Reed heard about the Anderson family situation Blaine had the heavier cross to bear.

But it sure wasn't easy for Shane, either. Being the one to stand by, not able to do something, being damned to being useless. That was hard, too. Never getting a chance to prove oneself.

For a second Reed shut his eyes and leaned back against the wall.

Then someone grasped his arm, making him jump. His eyes flung open and he could just succumb an embarrassing yell by glasping his hands over his mouth. It was just his mother. Jeez, Kurt's conspiracy theories made him all paranoid, too.

However, his mother's face wasn't its usual calm and severe expression, instead she seemed upset.

"Your friend just fell!" She was pointing towards the stage. "In all my years in this business never did a model fall off stage!"

Reed was slow to catch up. "He fell? Kurt? That can't be! Kurt is the most graceful and sure-footed person I know."

Hilde took him aside and together they snuck a peek around the curtain.

Reed peeked to the stage and tried to make out where Kurt was – he definitely wasn't ON stage anymore.

Reed was utterly confused. "I can't believe he fell off stage... unless..." It finally sunk in. "Oh, my God. Oh My God! OH MY GOD!"

He noticed a little turmoil in the audience and made out the heads of Kurt and Blaine making their way through the crowd with the McVaughn siblings following them.

"I need to help him!" Reed said and head over heels he ran out on stage again – his mother not able to stop him.

He forgot about the lights and the cameras and the press. He just ran to the end of the stage, not even worrying about stumbling in his heels. He just worried about not making it in time. He didn't even realize the uproar of applause when the audience recognized him again and thought his return and his frantic running was part of the show.

"Shane! Wait for me!" Reed called out before he reached the end of the stage. The tall darkhaired boy turned instantly to look up, his face a mix of pure delight and astonishment and wonder.

When Reed neared the end of the stage he noticed too late that he had too much momentum to stop. He knew he would fall off stage – and probably break his neck in doing so.

Apparently Shane saw it, too. His happy face turned serious and shocked and he lunged forward, jumping over the seats in front of him and just reaching the end of the stage as Reed did.

"Woaahhh!" Reed tried to halt but his heels didn't come with breaks. Inevitably he fell with a yelp.

Shane was there to catch him.

For a second they may have looked like Baby and Johnny doing the iconic lift scene from the _Dirty Dancing _finale.

But then Shane collapsed and together they fell on the ground, the lightweight Reed on top of the lanky boy.

Reed didn't hear the loud "ohs" and "ahs" from the audience and the rising applause; apparently the people thought if anything this stunt was part of the show.

Reed was only aware of the boy who acted as his personal airbag, catching him and taking the blow of the fall for him.

"Hi," Shane breathed, his grey-green eyes piercing right into Reed's, carrying both a spark of awe and cockiness.

"Uhm... hi..." Reed replied, getting up on his elbows, straddling the boy beneath him.

"I may have dreamed of this," Shane admitted with a smirk, his hands still around Reed's back, now trailing down to rest on Reed's thighs.

"We have an audience," Reed whispered, noticing how Shane's eyes were now on his lips, turning kind of hazy, and Reed couldn't help wondering about the details of Shane's dreams about him.

"In my dreams we were alone," Shane muttered and now it was Reed's turn to stare at the other boy's mouth. "That is if you don't count seagulls."

Reed blinked, irritated. Then he sat up and quickly got off of the youngest Anderson brother.

"Uh... thanks for catching me."

"Anytime." Shane got to his feet and offered his hand to the boy in heels. "But hopefully next time you jump me we'll land on a soft mattress and without a gawking audience."

Reed took the offered hand, scrambled to his feet and brushed off his clothes, his face tomato-red. Then he remembered what he had jumped off the stage for. "Hurry! We need to follow Kurt and Blaine!"

"Ah, they've got a good headstart, I think," Shane replied nonchalantly. "And Devon's not the fastest on foot anyway."

Shane winked at him. "And now smile and wave and slowly walk out as if this was all intended."

"Oh my," Reed muttered out of the corner of his mouth, putting on a brave smile while he was the focus of snapshots. "I don't want to read the tabloids tomorrow."

The audience cheered him, but Reed was sure his mother was livid backstage.

* * *

><p>"How about we just wait it out?" Blaine breathed against Kurt's lips, pressing him into the wall behind him. "Val probably thinks we're in a cab already, far gone."<p>

"Mh-mmh," Kurt agreed with a hum, but then changed his mind, parting lips with Blaine with a smack sound. "No, we should keep going."

As if to demonstrate Kurt freed himself from Blaine's embrace and went down a couple of stairs, dragging Blaine by the hand with him. However, walking down the stairs in heels turned out difficult and after stumbling a couple of times, Kurt sat down and started unlacing his shoes.

"I'd better take these off," he explained. "Before I hurt my ankle and you have to carry me down."

Blaine settled down next to him, _close_ next to him, and nestled to his side.

Kurt felt a shiver run down through his whole body when Blaine put his hand on Kurt's lower back and leaned his chin on his shoulder, starting to nuzzle into the side of Kurt's neck.

Kurt wanted to say out loud how much he had longed for a moment like this – to be close again. But he choked on his words, overwhelmed by a sudden intense emotion.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked, concerned. "What is it?"

Kurt couldn't answer. He just nodded silently and turned to hug him, clasping his arms around Blaine so tight that Blaine felt like he was being crushed, but he didn't mind at all.

"I'm just so glad that you're still _you_." Kurt inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of Blaine's after shave mixed with sweat and something else, something that so smelled like _Blaine_.

"I'm not sure I'm still the same person I used to be," Blaine admitted tentatively. "I feel different."

Kurt nodded as if he understood, but the truth was that Blaine's words scared him.

"You still look the same to me," Kurt said, laughing a bit to cheer up the mood. "Even with your messy hair." Crossing his hands behind Blaine's neck to draw him in for another kiss, Kurt added, "And you still taste the same."

Their lips touched and Kurt closed his eyes, wanting this moment to linger. But Blaine drew back a little, waiting for Kurt to open his eyes again and look at him.

"I think I've changed," Blaine went on carefully, his eyes never leaving Kurt's. "_Inside_ I mean."

Kurt swallowed, fighting to keep his high spirits up. "But you still feel the same for me, right?"

"Yes! Of course!" Blaine hurried to say. "Nothing could ever change _that_!"

"I hope so," Kurt whispered, trying to mask his fear of heartbreak. "Do me a favor? Kiss me like you have wanted to kiss me for the past couple of weeks."

"You have no idea," Blaine breathed and he framed Kurt's face with his hands, attacking Kurt's mouth hungrily.

Kurt was in no hurry to get back to their friends. Once they were back in company they wouldn't get to kiss for the next couple of hours. If Kurt had learned one thing in the past few weeks it was to live in the now and don't pass on chances.

They lost themselves into each other's kiss, devouring one another. It felt like they had all the time in the world to kiss and reacquaint themselves. Kurt felt estatic. To tell the truth, kissing Blaine had _never_ felt _this good_. Most of the time when they had made out Kurt hadn't been able to shut off his brain, constantly worrying about his looks and his breath and the little embarrassing noises he made, thinking that Blaine would be turned off by the silliest things.

Now everything that filled Kurt up was the joy and excitement and love, pure love for this person. He put all his adoration and happiness and hunger into this kiss and it felt like they were kissing – really kissing - for the first time.

With one hand Blaine was feeling up Kurt's thigh, the other one claimed residence in Kurt's hair. Giggling, they moved even closer together, their legs and arms tangled just as their tongues.

They were so engulfed into each other that they only heard the footsteps when it as too late already. Someone made their way up the stairs. But it was only when this someone made the loudest _Ugh_-sound followed by retching noises that Blaine and Kurt jerked apart.

"You guys are gross!" Devon was standing a few steps below, looking like he didn't dare to get close to them in fear of infection. This would have been fine with them, but the couple didn't have such luck.

After the initial shock of running into them kissing, Devon continued upstairs.

"Game over," he growled at Blaine. "We're leaving. There's a party you have to attend."

"Without me!" Blaine shouted at him and pushed Kurt's arm to make him move faster as they rushed up the stairs. "Leave me alone!"

"I'd love to," Devon replied, already panting from climbing five stories high. "But without you there's not going to be a party tonight and then Val's going to be pissed and I already can hardly stand her when she's in a good mood."

"Sounds like true family bonds," Kurt responded dryly.

Blaine caught Kurt's eye for a second on their run and saw that Kurt was anything but fearless. The way he was clasping Blaine's hand fiercely, almost painfully as they stormed further upstairs, told another story. After all, Devon was the man who had beaten Kurt up only a couple of weeks ago.

"Stop running!" Devon barked. "We'll get you one way or another."

"Never!" Blaine yelled back and sped up.

Devon put his phone to his ear. "Sixth floor," he huffed into it. "Almost seventh."

"Got it!" his sister answered.

Hearing Valerie's voice made the boys run faster.

Kurt was glad that he had taken off his heels. Speaking of... In a moment of breath-catching Kurt stopped and raised the boots high above his head. "Hey, you! Moron!"

He waited for Devon to stop and look up. "What?" the big guy asked annoyed, but his eyes grew wide when he saw the heavy boots Kurt was holding up.

"This is for betraying Blaine's trust!" Kurt yelled.

Devon tried to duck his head, but Kurt took good aim and tossed one shoe at Devon, hitting the young man by the shoulder.

"And this is for New Year's Eve!"

Kurt threw the second heel and hit their pursuer on the forehead.

"Good shot!" Blaine laughed when Devon glared up at them to check if they had more amunition to throw at him.

"May Hilde forgive me for ruining her shoes," Kurt murmured.

"I bet she'd approve of your innovational usein this case," Blaine said with a wide grin.

"Hello, boys," a voice drawled from above them.

With a terrible sense of dread Blaine turned to see Valerie standing right there, blocking their way with her arms crossed.

Apparently she had entered the stairway from the door on the seventh floor.

"Sorry to interrupt your sweet little reunion, but we have to go and, Blaine, you'd better come with us."

Blaine took hold of Kurt's hand again, firmly keeping him by his side. "Get out of the way."

"Not without a fight, sweetheart," Valerie smiled maliciously at them.

"Good, because I've no problem with fighting a girl," Blaine shot back and stepped forward to push her out of the way, but this was what she had wanted. Quickly she opened her arms, presenting a spray and aiming for Blaine's face.

Blaine was able to jerk back, so the amount of the spray didn't hit him. But the little attack caused enough commotion for Devon to move forward and try an attack of his own.

With a skilled move Devon grabbed for Kurt's arm, pulling at him and making him lose his balance until Kurt tumbled down a couple of stairs right into the firm hold of Devon's lock-up embrace.

"Hello, faggy," Devon growled, clutching Kurt closer to his chest. "Here we meet again."

Kurt struggled against him, but Devon's strong arms were fastened around him and the man dragged him further down the stairs, away from Blaine. Kurt tried to wrench his hand from Devon's grasp but the man grabbed Kurt's arm and twisted it behind the boy's back until Kurt screamed out in pain. Instantly Devon clasped his hand over the boy's mouth and squeezed to keep him from more screaming. The sound dampened in the palm of his hand.

"Stop it!" Blaine yelled hysterical, his voice on the edge. "Don't hurt him, Devon!"

"Come with me, Blainey," Valerie said threateningly. "Or Devon will break his arm and make it look like the poor clumsy boy fell down the stairs."

As if to demonstrate the seriousness of this threat Devon continued to bend Kurt's left arm back even more until Kurt moaned in pain.

"Let him go," Blaine said, his voice tense.

But Devon kept a vice grip on Kurt.

Blaine was paralyzed on the spot when he saw the spark of pleasure in Devon's grey eyes; Devon enjoyed torturing Kurt and he would happily oblige if Valerie told him to break bones. Blaine wanted to attack Devon, he wanted to kill him, but he didn't dare to move a finger in order to keep Devon from hurting Kurt even more.

Why had they decided to take the stairs? There were no people around, no surveillance cameras. They were on their own and no security guards were around to help them.

His eyes met Kurt's who was silently telling him not to give in. Not to leave with Valerie.

Blaine gave a slight nod; he didn't intend to follow Valerie and leave Kurt at the young man's mercy.

"What will it be?" Valerie asked him, a bit impatiently.

"Let him go first, unharmed," Blaine demanded with a firm voice although his whole body was shaking with anger and fear. "And I'll come with you."

Kurt shook his head no and tried to speak around the fingers gagging him, but his words remained incomprehensible.

"How about we all walk to the elevators together," Valerie suggested calmly. "Kurt can bid you goodbye at our car. Sound good?"

Devon let go of his tight grip on Kurt, but kept a firm hand on the boy's shoulder, ready to grab him again if he should bolt. He pushed him forward and Kurt shot a death glare over his shoulder. "I can walk on my own," he growled, anything but happy about the turn of events.

Valerie linked arms with Blaine and led him to the door out of the stairway and into the hallway of the hotel rooms. They slowly walked to the elevators and Blaine felt like walking towards the gate of hell. His brain was working overtime, but he didn't know how to escape the situation.

* * *

><p>They were silent in the elevator on their way down.<p>

But once they stepped out into the lobby Kurt felt weak and desperate. He couldn't let this happen. He couldn't let Blaine walk out of his life again.

"No," Kurt said, almost inaudible. "I won't let you take Blaine with you." Determined, Kurt stopped in his tracks and stood there, motionless. "You'll have to kill me first."

"That can be arranged," Valerie replied without batting an eye.

"Gladly," Devon added with a smirk, pulling a little rougher on him.

"Stop talking like that!" Blaine yelled at them, totally freaked out. "I told you I'm coming with you! Just leave Kurt out of this!"

"Shh," Valerie put a finger to her lips and eyed the people in the lobby. "I'm warning you, both of you. Don't make a fuss. What are your choices anyway? Call out for the police? I dare you do it. I will tell them that I'm Blaine's legal guardian and he's in my care. You'd better think twice before you dish them a story about kidnapping. Besides," she put her smart face back on. "If you don't do as I say I'll just have to tell Daddy Anderson that I think Blaine's not ready yet to confront society."

She turned to smirk at Blaine. "I helped you get out of that awful place, but I can also help put you back in. I have a lot of plans for you, Blainey, but we can wait another couple of months if we have to."

"You're a monster," Kurt growled, his hands balled tight into fists.

"She's right," Blaine hated to admit it. "Kurt, there's nothing you can do to help me."

"No," Kurt pleaded. "No, Blaine, don't go with them."

"I can't let them hurt you," Blaine tried to explain, walking backwards. "I'm so sorry, Kurt," he was near tears.

"HEY, YOU!"

They were all startled by a yell behind them. Kurt turned around to see that it was one furious Shane followed closely by Reed, stopping short at the scene.

"LEAVE THEM THE HELL ALONE!"

Shane lunged at Devon with the intention to shove him aside, away from Kurt. But Devon was a bull compared to the lanky boy that was Shane. It took Devon no effort to keep Shane at arm's length while the boy tried to punch him.

"Can I break his arm?" Devon asked his sister with a devilish grin. "Please, I want to break his arm."

"No! Don't!" Reed was pale with fright and instantly grabbed Shane by the wrist to pull him away from the big bad guy.

"Shane, don't make things worse!" Blaine moved towards his brother, but was held back by Valerie who just gently put her hand on Blaine's arm. A seemingly harmless small gesture with great effect. He stayed put, but his face was pure desperation.

As everybody was freaking out Kurt was watching Valerie who stayed completely calm during the mess. It made Kurt wonder if she really was still in control of the situation or if she was panicking inside – like he was. He hated her even more for acting like nobody and nothing could come across her plans.

"Shane," Valerie finally addressed the younger boy. "Why is the model here?"

The off-topic question caught Shane off guard. He realized that up until now he had done everything to prevent this from happening, to keep Valerie from shifting her focus on Reed and probably harm the boy once she made the connection.

"Him? Oh, he... he's just the son of the woman running this show," Shane stammered and instinctively stepped in front of Reed protectively.

"Yeah, right!" Reed stood straight. "I'm a VIP around here! And you'd better not mess with my bestie Kurt or else I'll call security on your card and I can tell them a bunch of lies, too. I can say that you were molesting me and my Mom'll have you locked up for just breathing down my neck!"

"Whatever," Valerie replied, unimpressed. "We're out of here." She yanked at Blaine's arm and pushed him towards the door.

"No!" Kurt jumped forward to get a hold of Blaine, but Devon got in the way and roughly pushed Kurt aside, making him collide with Reed. Both boys tumbled to the ground.

The McVaughn siblings used the commotion to stir Blaine out of the door onto the street.

"Follow them!" Reed shouted to Shane, but the Anderson kid was already on his way out.

Reed helped Kurt to his feet which was hurtful, because Kurt had hit his knee hard in an attempt to soften Reed's fall. The two of them stumbled outside, but they only saw Valerie's car drive away.

"That's them!" Reed called out in frustration. "In the car! Shane's in the car, too!"

Kurt stood for a moment on shaky legs, then his knees buckled and he sank to the ground of the sidewalk in silent despair.

Reed let out a cute sounding yelp, knelt down next to him and wrapped his arms around him. "Kurt! Don't cry! We're going to get him! I promise!"

But Kurt wasn't crying. He was too exhausted and crestfallen to be able to shed tears.

"Come on, let's take a cab!" Reed got to his feet again and started hailing for a cab.

Kurt just sat there, resting on his heels in socks, clasping his hands tight.

A cab stopped in front of them and Reed yanked the door open. "We need you to follow the BMW that just drove off!"

"Allrighty," the cab driver said and Reed helped Kurt climb onto the backseat.

"Go!" Reed shouted at the driver and pulled his seatbelt on. "We can't let them get away!"

"Easy, boy," the driver replied, stirring the cab on the street. "This may be Hollywood, but we're not on TV, guys. Although you're dressed like you're in the middle of a shoot for a comedy show."

"It's called _haut_ _couture_," Reed replied sassily. "And it's none of your business why we're dressed up."

Reed turned to Kurt to give him a roll of his eyes at the driver's ignorance, but then his gaze fell on Kurt's socks and the apparent lack of footgear.

"Oh, my God! Where are your shoes?" Reed exclaimed.

"I lost them." Kurt's voice was shaky and soft, hardly audible.

"You lost them?" Reed repeated in utter bafflement. "Where?"

"In Devon's face."

For a second Reed stared at him, then he burst out laughing. Kurt allowed himself a tight smile at the image of Devon's dumbstruck face after the boots had hit him hard.

"Damn," he muttered at the sight in front of them. "They're driving off on the freeway."

Kurt was leaning forward in tension, trying to keep his eyes focused on the black BMW Valerie was driving, but once they hit the freeway the traffic got thicker and it was harder to keep track.

"What?" After a long tense moment Reed suddenly turned to Kurt. "What were you saying?"

"Nothing," Kurt replied, irritated, but realized that he must have been murmuring lyrics of a song that was stuck in his head. Only now he knew he wouldn't be able to forget these lyrics for quite a while.

_And if you're trying to cut me down  
>You know that I might bleed<br>_

_Cause if you're trying to cut me down  
>I know that you'll succeed<br>_

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

**Annie Lennox - ****Walking On Broken Glass - ****AGAIN! I know the last couple of chapters have been all under Annie's wing. Next up is a Bon Jovi classic. I think you're going to love it. ;)**

* * *

><p><strong>A very special thanks and hugs to <em>Normallyweirdm,<em> I don't know what I'd do without you. :)**

**Also big thanks to _ffacowgirl89_ - your last couple of reviews made me very, very happy!**

**And _Zephyrin,_ I'm so glad to have met you - deutsche Fans sind so schwer zu finden! Knuddel!**

**Reviews are love and motivation! :)**


	54. Bed Of Roses

**Chapter 54 – Bed of Roses**

Blaine felt the anger rising inside of him as he was sitting in the backseat of Valerie's black BMW next to Devon. It was so quiet in the car. Nobody said a word. Not even Valerie who usually couldn't shut up spilling her shit all over them. Shane's quietness was unusual, too. Blaine could feel the defeat of his brother like radiation.

For a second Blaine considered jumping out of the car. But Valerie had locked the car from the inside and Blaine couldn't open the door on his own. He hadn't even bothered buckling up, although Valerie was a rough driver.

"I hate you, Val, more than I've hated anybody before!" Blaine finally said through clenched teeth.

"What lovely premises for a wedding," Devon said with a laugh.

Blaine didn't know why but hearing Devon's mocking voice made him furious. Something inside of him snapped that had waited to snap for a while now.

"YOU ASSHOLE!" Without warning Blaine attacked him. He was punching him with all his might, causing Devon to gasp for air and crouch into the corner.

"HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?" Valerie shouted over her shoulder.

"GET HIM, BRO!" Shane cheered.

Soon enough Devon recovered from the first shock and started fighting back. He was stronger than Blaine and had the boy pushed into the seat in a minute. Devon gripped Blaine's wrists hard to keep him in place, but Blaine used his heels to kick him. He was out of mind, furious with rage and hate, fighting like a real wildcat. He couldn't stop thinking about what this monster had done to Kurt only weeks ago. So Blaine kept kicking him and was only satisfied when Devon let out some grunts of pain.

Shane was turning in his front seat, pulling at Devon's shoulders to keep him off Blaine and give his brother better chances at scoring some good punches.

"You little bastard!" Devon growled when Blaine kicked him in the loins. He struck out to hit Blaine, but Valerie's hysteric scream stopped him.

"DEVON!" Valerie barked at him. "Not his face, Dev! Don't hit his face! We have to show up at our engagement party in a few hours!"

Blaine was slumped back in his seat, panting and rubbing his knuckles that were hurting. "I'm going to get you, Dev," Blaine threatened. "For what you did to Kurt."

"I'd do it again," Devon spat at him. No sign of remorse. "I'm going to kill that little faggot next time I see him."

With a yell of rage and despair Blaine jumped at him again, but this time Devon saw it coming and with a quick move he grabbed Blaine's arm and twisted it on his back – just like he had done to Kurt earlier. Blaine let out a strangled gasp as pain shot up his arm, making him delirious with agony.

"Get off of him!" Shane tried to pull Devon away from Blaine and almost climbed into the back, but he couldn't stop Devon from pushing Blaine down.

"Stop it, boys," Valerie growled now as if they were just kids play-fighting. "Do you really want me to put you back into that facility, Blainey? I can wait for another couple of months until you've learned your lesson. - Let go of him, Dev."

Devon released him and Blaine stopped fighting. Instead he was staring out of the window without really seeing anything.

* * *

><p>Shane was heartbroken to see his brother crying.<p>

It had been an hour since they had arrived back home. Home. Huh! If you could consider a prison at the beach _home._

Blaine had instantly vanished into his bedroom and collapsed on his bed. Shane had tried to console him and cheer him up, but Blaine had just turned his back on him and decided that crying into his pillow was the better cure right now. With a sigh Shane had let him mourn his life for a while and retreated to watch the catering service prepare the salon for the big party.

Now he was back to check on his brother, but Blaine hadn't moved since he had left him.

"Does it still hurt where Devon hit you?" he asked, but didn't receive an answer. Shane sat down on the bed next to Blaine and let out a sigh.

"Don't give up, B. Just wait until Plan B kicks in!"

"What's Plan B?" Blaine asked, not bothering to mention that he hadn't known Plan A existed.

"It's a surprise!" Shane said cheerfully.

"I hate surprises," Blaine muttered, sitting up and pulling a tissue out of a box to blow his nose.

"Well, I've been talking to someone," Shane confessed. "And this someone is willing and able to help us out."

"How and when?" Blaine asked, squinting his eyes at his brother. "And who?"

"I'm not telling," Shane said. "Stop crying, okay? The house will be full of guests in an hour and you can't look like a miserable button."

"Why not?" Blaine huffed. "Let everyone see how much I look forward to my birthday slash engagement party. It's not like I have a say in my own life anymore. Let me be miserable about it at least."

"Good point," Shane said, wrapping his arms around his knees. "I wonder what Mom will say to all that."

Blaine looked up. "So, she's coming?"

"As far as I know she is."

Blaine nodded to this news. He felt the slightest bit of hope rising and hated his own weakness for it. He shouldn't expect his mother to be of any help, but his foolish heart did anyway.

* * *

><p>"We lost them!" Reed was inconsolable.<p>

On the freeway Valerie had pushed the gas and ignored the speed limit. Although Reed had tried to bribe their driver with some extra cash he refused to speed up.

"Where to now? Back to the hotel?" Reed asked frustrated.

"No," Kurt decided. "Let's go to the facility."

"Now?" Reed stuttered nervously. "I thought we wanted to go tomorrow morning..."

"I can't wait any longer," Kurt let out a sigh. "I need to talk to this guy. You don't have to come..."

"Of course I'll come with you!" Reed replied resolutely. "Do you know where the facility is?"

Kurt knew the address of the facility by heart, of course.

The driver dropped them off in front of the building, eager to get away from the two crazy boys who didn't have cash or credit cards and tried to pay him with scarves, claiming them worth a couple of hundred dollars. In the end he had accepted the smaller boy's boots, figuring he could sell those on eBay.

Now here they sat on a bench in the parking lot of the mental facility, staring at the doors, waiting, but not sure what for. The sun was still high up and hot, so Kurt shrugged out of the short white jacket. He was dying to get the tight golden pants off, too, but he had to wait until they got back to the hotel.

Reed kept his red jacket on. Resting his elbows on his knees and his chin in one hand, Reed was fanning his face with his beret, gazing up to the top of the high building.

Kurt crossed his bare feet; they both had taken off their socks, feeling less stupid running around barefoot than in socks.

Kurt was trying to come up with a plan.

He didn't really know what he was hoping for. This was him clinging onto the last straw. If this Gabriel guy couldn't help him then Kurt didn't know what else he could come up with. Deep inside Kurt already felt like he'd lost the battle and he hated that feeling and tried to suppress it. The battle wasn't over yet. He couldn't let Valerie win; he couldn't let go of Blaine. Not now. Not ever.

Reed reached out and brushed golden glitter off of Kurt's shoulder. Kurt let out another sigh thinking about what they must look like made up with golden and silver eye shadow and dressed in tight pants. People must think the two of them fell off a float on a Christopher Street Day's parade.

"What now?" Reed urged him gently.

"I need you to go in," Kurt finally said. "And ask for this Gabriel guy."

Reed blanched, biting his nails again. "Oh Kurt, please don't expect me to do anything brave! You know me; I'm intimidated by the sound of my own footsteps!"

"You're much braver than you give yourself credit for, Reed," Kurt replied with an encouraging smile and a pat on his friend's knee. "You just need to ask for him at the reception. I can't go in there myself. I don't want to pull focus on Gabriel by talking to him." Kurt put on a wry grin, adding, "Also, they might have a warrant on my head."

Reed nodded in earnestness, as if Kurt hadn't made a joke. "I can do that, I guess."

"Great," Kurt turned his full attention to his friend, preparing him for his act. "Ask if he's working today and about when he's leaving. If he's not in today, ask when he will be; and if he's working late today, ask them to give him a message that you're waiting outside and that he should come out on a break if possible. Tell them you're a friend, but don't tell them your real name, come up with something. Just act naturally, as if you're friends with him and..."

Kurt noticed the way his friend's eyes grew in anxiety and he stopped his waterfall of good advice and patted his shoulder. "You'll do great, I'm sure."

Reed gave him another brave nod and got up.

"As long as you don't say something stupid," Kurt gave a last piece of advice.

Reed's face and confidence fell. "Kurt, I was born a boy who says stupid things!"

"No, you're not!" Kurt got to his feet as well and grabbed Reed's shoulders, pushing him forward. "And now go!"

"Kurt?"

Both boys startled by the sound of a man's voice saying Kurt's name. They turned around to look at a young guy with blonde hair who approached them tentatively, his eyes on Kurt.

"Hi, excuse me, are you by any chance Kurt Hummel?"

Kurt didn't know what to say. Who was this guy and how did he know his name? More importantly, was he friend or foe?

"Who's asking?" Reed demanded suspiciously and stepped in front of Kurt in a protective way.

Kurt had to stifle a grin at his friend's sudden fierce protectiveness, because Reed was smaller than Kurt. The boy's frame was just too delicate to be intimidating and with his strawberry blond curls he was absolutely cute. He looked more like a Chihuahua gritting his teeth.

The guy must have had similar thoughts, because his smile grew wider as he looked Reed up and down. "Hi, cutiepie! The name's Gabriel O'Brien. Nice to meet you!"

He held out his hand for Reed to take and when Reed automatically gave it to him, the young man bowed and kissed the back of Reed's hand. Embarrassed Reed jerked his hand away and cradled it as if burned.

"You... you're Gabriel?" Kurt asked, stunned. He didn't know why he was suddenly feeling a twinge of jealousy. Must be because the guy was absolutely good-looking. Not in a way that Kurt fancied guys, but definitely in a way Blaine fancied them if his former crush on that Jeremiah guy was any indication.

This Gabriel guy looked like he had just jumped out of a GAP catalog. He was a typical Californian sunny boy. Blond long curls pulled back with a rubber band, sun-kissed skin, six-pack abs (not that those were visible but not hard to imagine from his stature), tall and boyish with an irresistible smile.

"You really made it to L.A." The guy said, clearly all impressed and giddy about the fact that Kurt was standing in front of him, judging from the way he was looking at Kurt. "You know, Blaine mentioned once that you liked to dress up, but he didn't say that you looked like a runway model."

Kurt loved the casual way this man mentioned Blaine's name and he relaxed a little. Also, Kurt got aware of his looks again and he blushed slightly. "This is not how I usually dress."

"Actually, we're indeed just off a runway," Reed explained and straightened up a little.

"And what's your name, honey?" Gabriel turned his attentive eyes on Reed again.

Reed blushed instantly, his cheeks getting as red as his beret. "I'm Reed Van Kamp," he introduced himself properly. "I'm Kurt's friend. I'm just here for moral support."

"Nice to meet you, Reed," Gabriel tilted his head and a playful smile crossed his lips. "Has anyone ever told you that you're like pure candy? Embodied sugar-coated sweetness."

"Don't underestimate him," Kurt cut in sharply and glared at Gabriel. "He can be tough."

Kurt reacted allergic to flirty guys that seemed to look upon other guys as easy prey. He wasn't sure yet how to rate his guy and he would be on his guard for as long as Gabriel proved himself trustworthy.

Reed blushed even more at the praise in Kurt's words. "I'm not tough, not really... I try, though..."

"Wow, Goldie Pants, you're really protective," Gabriel said with a laugh. "Don't worry, I don't mean to hit on you guys. I just can't hold my tongue when I see cute guys, that's all."

"Look, Gabriel, we've had a rough day," Kurt said in a firm voice, making it clear that he wasn't up for a nice chat. "And I don't mean to be rude, but when we talked on the phone you sounded like you wanted to help me get to Blaine and I'd appreciate if you could just help me... anyhow... Anything you can tell me about Blaine..."

Kurt's voice broke and he dropped his gaze.

"We were just chasing them in a taxi," Reed tried to explain, gesturing wildly. "But we lost them on the freeway and the thing is that Valerie threatened to put Blaine back into this cursed place if he doesn't behave and then Devon wanted to break Shane's arm but then they took off and we had to sell our boots to the taxi driver, me that is, Kurt threw his pair at Devon and my Mom's going to _kill_ me, but I don't care as long as it's any help to Shane... and Blaine, of course..."

"Oookay," Gabriel said slowly, one eyebrow raised.

"Breathe, Reed," Kurt advised him and put a hand on Reed's arm.

"We probably should find another place to talk," Gabriel said, suddenly looking around as if remembering where they were. His eyes darted across the parking lot and he motioned them to come with him.

Instantly Kurt gazed around as well, keeping his head bowed in case there were surveillance cameras or something. He felt like a criminal on the run.

"How about I drive you to your hotel or wherever you want to go," Gabriel offered, "and on the way you tell me again what happened today, but _slower."_

"All right," Kurt agreed, not knowing what else to do anyway. Usually he hated getting into a car with strangers – especially after his most recent trip with Karofsky who wasn't particularly a stranger but not really a friend either. But seeing how they didn't have their wallets or phones – or even shoes! – they were practically bound to take him up on his offer if they wanted to get back to the hotel.

Gabriel walked up the parking lot towards a yellow Corvette and they followed him.

"Nice car," Reed said, drawing a hand along the smooth surface of the hood. "I like the color."

"Thanks," Gabriel said with a grin. "It definitely hasn't driven two runway models around before."

During the ride Kurt illuminated the day's events for Gabriel, starting from working backstage at Reed's mother's fashion show and catching a glimpse of Blaine in the audience to his head over heels idea of walking the runway himself and falling down at Blaine's feet.

Gabriel was laughing loudly at the image of Kurt's downfall amidst a high-fashion crowd, but he turned serious again when Kurt elaborated their attempt of escape and the way the McVaughn siblings had caught and threatened them.

As he talked and talked, Kurt felt that he needed to get all the words out in spite of staying sane. If he had his phone Kurt would have called his dad, but since Gabriel seemed to be informed about Blaine's troubles – and somehow also seemed to be involved in a way – Kurt let himself get carried away and didn't filter what he was saying.

"She can't really put Blaine back into this place without a good reason, can she?" Kurt finally asked, his eyes on the man who worked in that goddamn facility and knew better about the procedures than anyone else.

Gabriel pulled a face. "I'm sure she can come up with a good enough reason if she wants to, no matter what's his real condition," he answered. "That's why I told him to keep his head down until he found a way to escape."

Kurt's spirits sank. "We blew that chance today."

"Isn't it Wildcat's birthday today?" Gabriel asked, then met Kurt's confused glance. "Blaine, I mean," Gabriel added quickly.

"It is," Kurt confirmed, worrying his bottom lip. "Valerie has a party planned for him, it starts at eight. She gave me a password to watch the livestream."

"Wow, really?" Gabriel raised his brows. "Was she trying to be nice or is that supposed to be some kind of torture?"

"Definitely the latter," Kurt replied.

"We can watch in the hotel room," Reed offered eagerly. "I brought my computer."

"I'm not sure I want to see it," Kurt admitted. Only days ago he would have died to get a glimpse of Blaine. But this was different. Valerie intended to humiliate Blaine in front of everybody, this would be a mockery of a birthday party and Blaine would have to smile at everything and everyone. Kurt wasn't sure he wanted to be part of that humiliation by typing in the password and watching it.

Reed seemed to have a different opinion about it. "But you _have_ to watch it!" he called out from the backseat. "Kurt, you have to support him, if only by witnessing what's happening to him. You need to know what's going on and what Valerie's plan is. Perhaps it'll even help us get a clue on how to help him."

"Don't fret too much about it," Gabriel broke in with a little reassuring smile. "Me and Footloose have just the plan."

"Who's that?" Reed asked from the backseat.

"Wildcat's brother."

"Why do you call Blaine Wildcat?" Kurt inquired.

Gabriel laughed. "That's kind of a long story."

"Why do you call Blaine's brother Footloose?" Reed asked.

"You're a curious button, aren't you, Candy?" Gabriel replied with a smirk.

He parked in front of the Hilton Hotel. "Here we are."

"Aren't you coming?" Kurt asked when Gabriel made no move to get out.

"I don't think I should come with you," Gabriel said, staring at the building in awe. "I don't really belong to such places."

"Don't be silly," Reed said and waved his concerns away. "You have to watch the livestream with us and you have to tell us about what you planned out with Shane! And when it was that you met him! And what he told you! Did he talk about me? Well, probably he didn't, but... did he?"

"I'd really appreciate it if we could talk more about Blaine," Kurt added.

He wanted to know about everything that Gabriel and Blaine had experienced together. Also, he tried to figure out who this Gabriel O'Brien really was and who he was to Blaine. Had they become sort of friends? Kurt wished he had talked more with Blaine in the couple of moments they had had together.

"Did Wild... did Blaine talk about me?" Gabriel asked, almost sheepishly.

Kurt flinched slightly, feeling caught. Was this guy a mind-reader?

"No," Kurt answered and noticed the way the man slumped his shoulders in a sort of disappointed way. "But... uhm... we didn't really talk that much at all. We were busy... um... you know, running away."

They entered the hotelroom and Reed instantly put up his computer, checking his internet connection.

"I'll be a minute..." Kurt excused himself and went into the bathroom to change quickly into more comfortable clothes. A gaze into the mirror reminded him of the golden eye shadow and powder on his face. With a paper towel Kurt wiped the make-up off his face.

"You all right, Goldie?" Gabriel asked, leaning with crossed arms in the doorway. Kurt had the habit of not closing the bathroom door when he was just changing or doing his hair, so he'd be able to talk to Reed in the next room. He didn't mind Gabriel watching him brushing the gold glitter out of his hair.

"You must think that my behavior is juvenile and I'm just a stupid teenager in love," Kurt said bitterly.

Gabriel surprised him by saying, "Aren't we all?"

Kurt cocked an eyebrow at him inquiringly.

"No matter what age, we all turn back into teenagers when we're in love," Gabriel said with a thin smile.

Kurt was thinking about his father and Carole and had to silently agree.

"I know that I'm powerless and all my attempts of helping Blaine are ridiculous," Kurt said with a deep sigh. "I just... I need to do _something._ If only to let him know that I'm still here."

Gabriel nodded in understanding. "What you're doing to reach to him isn't ridiculous. No one can foresee the outcome of this game."

"I hate that everybody is playing all of this down by calling it a _game_," Kurt grumbled while shrugging out of the expensive button-down shirt and changing into a Dalton sweater. "Valerie does that as well. But this is not a game to me and it sure as hell isn't a game to Blaine."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to belittle the situation." Gabriel waved his hand as if burned. "Boy, you can be really scary."

"I wish I was," Kurt replied with a huff. "But Valerie and Devon aren't very impressed by my attempts to be strong."

"That's where you're wrong, Goldie," Gabriel said. "As far as Valerie is concerned you're the only unknown variable in her plan. She knows the way you affect Blaine and that you're the only one who can give Blaine the strength to break free. Why do you think she bothered to try and intimidate you? Why had she called me to scare you off? At the same time, however, you're the only card in the game – sorry – she can use against him. So she threatens you to keep Blaine at bay. It's a high-wire act. Hard to keep balance."

"I want to see her fall," Kurt muttered. "With no safety net."

Gabriel shot Kurt an amused glance.

"It's weird to finally meet you, Kurt," Gabriel admitted with a wry smile. "Do you know the feeling when you hear a lot about a person and picture that person in your head in a certain way and then you're actually meeting him? It has a surreal touch to it, as if you were some kind of celebrity. In a way you're exactly how I pictured you to be and then again, you're different, you're more _real."_

Gabriel paused and tilted his head. "And I can see why Blaine's so in love with you."

Kurt didn't know why these words struck a chord with him, but he was tearing up. Hearing a total stranger tell you that your long-lost boyfriend's still in love with you does things to your heart.

"Thanks." Kurt cleared his throat. He didn't know what else to say to that.

Gabriel seemed to be a nice, straight-forward, goofy, warmhearted guy. Kurt liked him for better or worse. Still, Kurt remained wary. He didn't trust many people these days.

Anyhow, if Gabriel had helped Blaine in any possible way, Kurt was very grateful that Gabriel had been around during the hardships Blaine had been facing.

"Can you please tell me everything that happened to him?" Kurt asked.

"That'd be a long night." Gabriel pulled a face. "Also, that'd be for him to tell you, wouldn't it?"

"You're probably right."

"But..." A smirk appeared on Gabriel's features. "I can tell you guys about Shane's and my plan."

"KURT!"

Reed called out from the next room. "It's on! The livestream is on! And it looks like a very festive gathering. Oh dear, my family doesn't even dress up like _that_ on my birthdays!"

Kurt and Gabriel hurried back into the room to join Reed on the mattress of the king-size bed.

* * *

><p>Blaine paced off his anxiety. His lips were red from constant nervous biting. He wouldn't admit it to anyone – not even to Shane – that he was waiting for his mother to show up.<p>

He hadn't seen her for months. The last time he had talked to her on the phone was back in early November when he had asked her to come to the winter festival to Dalton to see him sing but she had told him she couldn't make it.

Then Valerie had told him that his mother also wouldn't make it home for Christmas. It made him wonder if his mother had been part of the plan – if she had given her OK to the idea of getting Blaine to a mental facility to get him straight. Or if she thought he'd been there just because of his suicide attempt.

Blaine was sure that his father didn't know about Valerie's low blow against him – talking him into taking sleeping pills. But the idea of the facility must have been there before Valerie's evil schemes. Did his mother really agree to send him to such a place? Did she really not care about him anymore? And what about Shane? Did she at least still care about him?

"I can't stand the sight of him," Shane muttered to Blaine, nodding towards Devon.

Blaine was pleased to see the swelling on Devon's forehead caused by Kurt's boot. Still it wasn't enough. He wished that Devon would suffer.

Shane stayed by his side and Blaine was grateful for that. He wouldn't be able to stay sane if his brother wasn't around.

Shane had been in charge of Blaine's hair for the party; making them look like twins with different heights. Shane had gelled his hair back and let it curl in his neck. Blaine didn't mind the lookalike style. Since he let his hair grow he didn't know how to handle it anyway.

Valerie hadn't been pleased about his appearance – his eyes were red and his face blotchy from crying – but he heard her turning it to her liking, telling everyone in a stage-whisper that he was still unstable and nervous about all the guests. She made it sound like he was scared of his own shadow. His father sure didn't like her talking about Blaine that way. Richard took her aside with a scolding in his eyes – there were a lot of his colleagues around and since he wanted Blaine to be a future part of the company he didn't want his son's reputation to suffer.

Blaine was thrilled when he overheard this conversation. His father stood up for him against Valerie. This was huge!

"Mom's here!" Shane said and nudged Blaine with his elbow.

Blaine was super-nervous when he saw his mother come in. He shouldn't feel nervous about seeing her, dammit. She was his mother. But he feared rejection.

His brother didn't seem to have similar fears. He grabbed Blaine by the arm and rushed over to where their mother was just talking to their aunt Judith who had arrived earlier.

"Mom!" Shane called her and engulfed her in a hug. That was just like him. Blaine however kept a distance. "Hi Mom."

"My boys!" She said with a laugh. "God, it's so frustrating to have both kids in boarding schools," she told her sister. "I hardly get to see them." She patted Shane on his back; he was towering over her small figure despite her wearing high pumps.

Joan Anderson was a small woman with thick black hair, pulled up, wearing a red-orange Californian dress and pumps that made her taller.

"Shane, my baby boy," Joan slurred; apparently she had been drinking already. "You should've brought your girlfriend, I wanna meet her," she patted his cheek. "Your big brother's getting married, are you excited?"

"I would be if there were strippers around," Shane answered with a shrug, earning laughter from the women.

"_Male_ strippers," he mouthed at his older brother, but Blaine was too nervous to acknowledge the joke.

Then their mother smiled warmly at Blaine.

"Sweetheart, I can't believe it," she moved forward and gently pulled Blaine into an embrace. "My big boy's getting married soon."

"Not yet," Blaine replied and tensed up. "It's also my birthday, you know? I'm eighteen now."

"Oh, don't remind me," his mother rolled her eyes. "Do you want me to feel old?"

"Mom, I need to talk to you," Blaine said all serious and lowered his voice. "You gotta help me."

His mother narrowed his eyes at him inquiringly. "What is it you need, darling? Money?"

"No, I..."

Suddenly Valerie was next to them, linking arms with their mother. "I'm so happy to see you made it, Joan. Please, help yourself to the refreshment table."

"Valerie, I don't think you've met my sister Judith before?"

The three women moved across the room, leaving Shane and Blaine to themselves.

Blaine let out a frustrated sigh.

"This sucks," Shane voiced Blaine's thoughts.

Blaine had the feeling that she was avoiding him. She had never been one of those mothers who lived and breathed for her kids only. She had never talked to him about being gay, not even when he had tried to talk to her about it – after his dad had found out and almost beaten him to death. He had tried to be brave about her lack of sympathy for him, because he knew he had to smooth the path for his little brother who had to come out someday, too.

"Well, at least there's plenty of food," Shane said cheerfully. "Come on, bro, we can't do this on an empty stomach."

* * *

><p>His father had prepared a speech for eight o'clock and after that there was supposed to be music and dance. Blaine knew what it was that his father wanted to announce. It sure as hell wouldn't be a Happy Birthday speech. Valerie had already told him what he was supposed to say and there was a ring that he was supposed to give Valerie. It was all such an act!<p>

"Kurt's going to be watching," Shane whispered to him with a full mouth with cheese and meat balls. "Val told me she'd given him access to the livestream that Dad has prepared."

"That's horrible!" Blaine gasped. "What did she do that for? She wants him to watch me getting thrown around in her big play?"

"I say you play along, but nothing's to stop you to do a show of your own."

"What are you talking about?" Blaine asked. He couldn't risk doing something to piss off his father or Valerie. Not as long as Kurt was their target.

"How about a message?" Shane replied and pointed with his thumb towards the piano. "In the best way you know how to deliver a message."

Blaine nodded slowly and he tried to think of a song that embodied his situation and what he wanted Kurt to know. Then his focus shifted and he watched his mother for a while who was sitting in one of the lounging chairs with her sister, both enjoying a glass of wine.

Blaine took a chance when he saw that his aunt left for the refreshment table, leaving his mother on her own.

"Mom," he greeted her and sat down next to her. "Can we talk?"

"Oh, I'm so happy for you, my baby," she said out of the blue and reached out to stroke his hand. He turned his hand to hold hers.

"Valerie is such a sweet girl, and she will be a stunning bride."

Blaine shook his head in frustration. "Mom, you know that I'm gay. I don't want to marry Valerie. I can't. I can't live a lie! It's not fair to anyone."

She downed her glass of wine and waved for the waitress to fill up her glass.

Blaine bit his lips until the waitress left, then he said, "Mom, I thought you quit drinking."

She giggled to herself, but it was a bitter and hollow sound. "Yes, I have, but then my baby tried to kill himself."

Blaine swallowed down the lump in his throat. She cared about him after all.

"Mama, I need you. Please help me. Please do something to stop Dad. He can't decide what happens to me on his own, you're my parent, too!"

He struggled to keep his emotions under control, but he just couldn't keep the tears out of his voice.

"Mama?" He wanted her to hug him, comfort him, but she just stared at him like she was seeing a ghost.

"What are you crying about?" she scolded him. "You should be grateful that Valerie's doing all this for you."

Blaine shook his head and whispered frantically. "She's just doing it for the family money, don't you see? It's all her plan from the start! She manipulated all of us, even me! I took sleeping pills, because she told me that Dad was going after Kurt and I didn't see any other way to distract him and..."

"Stop being selfish, Blaine," his mother spat out, holding her hand up to make him shut up. "Have you for one second even thought about _me_ when you took those damn pills? How do you think _I_ felt when I was told that my baby wanted to kill himself? Do you know how people talk about me now, saying behind my back that I was a bad mother?"

"I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I didn't think..." Blaine stammered, taken aback by her sharp words.

"Damn right you didn't _think_! Well, thank you very much, Blaine, for giving me all these feelings of guilt. Don't you _ever_ dare doing it again! You're not suicidal, you're just a spoiled brat that starts yelling when things don't go your way!"

With a huff she rose and walked away from him.

Blaine was left feeling shocked and absolutely helpless. He wanted to disappear but Valerie chose this moment to come up to him and take him by the arm. "It's time," she said with a smile to him.

Richard stood in the middle of the salon, clinking a spoon against his glass.

"Everyone," he rose his voice. "Thank you all for coming. I'm proud to say that my eldest offspring has fully recovered from his little accident. He is going to do home-school until he graduates and then start studying law to follow in his old man's footsteps. But I don't want to forestall all the good news. Blaine has something exciting to share. Come up here, son."

He stepped back to give Blaine and Valerie room in the spotlight. Everyone was clapping politely and when Blaine looked around he found himself surrounded by stranger's faces. Their guests consisted of his father's co-workers and Valerie's friends and some distant relatives that he hardly ever saw.

Valerie had her arm linked with his and she leaned lovingly at his side, her blonde hair flowing over her shoulders. She wore a strapless blue dress and flat shoes to look smaller, because she was taller than Blaine.

She squeezed his arm to cue him to speak. Blaine knew what he had to say. He inhaled deeply and put a fake smile on, wanting to get it done and over with, when all of a sudden he noticed the guy with the camera. It was one of his father's co-workers who was filming the family event and would broadcast it at the company's online blog.

Kurt would be watching. Blaine wetted his lips and tried not to imagine Kurt sitting in front of his computer.

"It feels like I've known Valerie for all my life," he began, "she's always been by my side."

His voice sounded dull even to his own ears, but there were still some 'uhs' and 'ahs' that erupted from the audiences as they bought into the lie. Valerie clung at his arm as if she would never let go of him again – which of course was her plan – but gave him a subtle pinch to tell him to step it up. He cleared his throat and looked down at his shoes for a moment, trying to find a way to continue with this charade when all his head was screaming was _wrong. wrong. wrong_.

"When I was at my lowest, she was there to help me up again," Blaine went on, saying the words that Valerie wanted him to say. "She saved my life."

He pauses again, almost wanting to laugh out loud at the irony of that statement, choking on the humorous chuckle that wants to slip past his lips. But Valerie was always quick on her feet, putting her hand to her chest as if too moved to be able to speak. As if they were both choked up with emotions and tears. "Honey…" she breathed. Their audience ate her up.

"What can I say?" Blaine produced a ring box out of the pocket of his jacket and turned to her. This was the point where he was supposed to say that he loved her. But he just couldn't get the lie over his lips. He decided to improvise.

"There's no other woman for me; you're the one."

_There's no other woman for me, because I'm gay. You're the one that makes my life a miserable mess._

"Oh, Blainey," Valerie purred. "You're the only one for me, too."

She held out her left hand for him to put the engagement ring on. He had refused beforehand to kneel down in front of her and she had compromised that he didn't have to, because in the official story he had already proposed to her. Still, she wanted him to put the ring on her for the sake of show effect.

Then she pulled him in for a small kiss on the lips. He stiffened at her touch, but didn't flinch away. If he was lucky this would be the only kiss they ever had to share for public eyes.

Their guests applauded and raised their glasses to toast them.

Before everyone's attention shifted Blaine spoke up. "I would like to perform a little piece on the piano," Blaine said and walked up to the white piano in the sunroom. He picked a single dark red rose with a red ribbon out of a bouquet and brought it along.

The guy with the video camera moved with him, capturing Blaine over the surface of the piano as he sat down.

"This is for my one and only true love," he announced loudly while slowly twirling the rose between his fingers and looking at it with loving and sad eyes. Then he put the rose on top of the piano in front of the camera.

Again, the guests sighed in awe, murmuring what a romantic guy he was.

Valerie lowered her eyes at him. She got his drift. As did Shane who gave him a thumbs-up.

Blaine hoped that Kurt – if he really was watching – got the drift as well. Even more so, he hoped that Kurt would understand and forgive him.

"Sitting here wasted and wounded at this old piano

Trying hard to capture

The moment, this morning I don't know

Some blonde gave me nightmares

I think that she's still in my bed

As I dream about movies

They won't make of me when I'm dead "

Blaine shot Valerie a glance – he wanted her to know that she was the blonde that gave him nightmares – and she stared daggers back at him while maintaining the look of pure devotion on her face for the sake of their guests.

"While we're talking

About all of the things that I long to believe

About love, the truth and

What you mean to me

And the truth is baby you're all that I need"

Blaine raised his voice to copy the tacky yet desperate tone of Jon Bon Jovi when he sung the chorus,

" I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses

For tonight I'll sleep on a bed of nails

Oh, I wanna be just as close as your Holy Ghost is

And lay you down on bed of roses"

* * *

><p>It had been a while since the last time Kurt had seen Blaine play the piano. He had forgotten how absolutely talented Blaine was. As always Blaine put all his heart into his performance, but this time it was different. This was more than just a song and Kurt could feel it. He shivered and had goosebumps all over his arms as he stared at the monitor of Reed's laptop. He was soaking up each and every word Blaine sang and the way he sang them.<p>

"Well, I'm so far away

That each step that I take is on my way home

Now as you close your eyes

Know I'll be thinking about you

While my mistress, she calls me

To stand in her spotlight again

Tonight, I won't be alone

But you know that don't mean I'm not lonely"

Blaine looked straight into the camera and laid special emphasis on the next words,

"I've got nothing to prove

For it's _you_ that I'd die to defend!"

Reed let out a cute little squeal and dug his fingers into the covers of the bed. "Gosh, this is _so_ romantic," he breathed. "You're so lucky, Kurt!"

Kurt was biting his lips. It may seem a romantic gesture from Blaine, but Kurt understood what this song really was about.

" I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses

For tonight I'll sleep on a bed of nails

Oh, I wanna be just as close as your Holy Ghost is

And lay you down

On a bed of roses."

At the end of the song Blaine had tears in his eyes and he raised his hand to kiss his wrist, but really he was kissing his golden bracelet. When he gazed into the camera again, Kurt's heart skipped a beat; it was as if Blaine was looking straight at him.

"Wow," Reed said after the song had ended and everyone at the party applauded politely. They watched how Blaine rose from his seat and soon the camera's focus wasn't on Blaine anymore, but on his father who was talking business with some colleagues.

"Wow," Reed said again and turned to his friend. "That was just... wow!"

"That boy definitely can sing," Gabriel said, impressed. "And play the piano."

Kurt didn't say anything. He knew that Blaine was playing an act – that this proposal wasn't real and the whole situation a mockery of his actual feelings. But the truth remained that most likely Blaine would have to marry this horrible woman, no matter what. And the song – the song Blaine performed for his true love – it was the worst part. It showed that Blaine was giving up; it was Blaine saying _I love you, but I can't be with you. _

Kurt reached out with one hand and clasped the shoulder of the man who sat next to the bed on the floor, staring at the ending of the livestream in mute consideration. When Kurt's hand touched him, Gabriel looked up.

"You have to succeed, Gabriel," Kurt said, his voice no more than a whisper. "I know it's a lot to ask you, but please, I'm begging you."

"I'll do the best I can, I promise," Gabriel replied in all earnestness.

They had exchanged numbers and Kurt hadn't protested when he noticed that Gabriel had saved Kurt's number with the name _Goldie. _

Gabriel had cursed a lot while watching the livestream, especially during the so-called proposal. It was good to see that the man definitely was on their side.

Reed let out a sigh. "Shane looked good in that suit, don't you think?" he murmured, his chin in his hand as he browsed the internet some more.

Kurt fell back onto the mattress, digging his fingers into the fabric of the dark red covers, holding his breath to stifle a sob.

"Kurt, what's wrong?" Reed asked over his shoulder, turning to gaze at him in concern.

Kurt couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They were tears of despair and longing. So basically Blaine was saying goodbye with this song. Kurt wasn't ready to let that happen.

"Gosh, Goldie," Gabriel said with a soft voice. "Please, don't cry."

"Blaine's not _really_ going to marry her," Reed said in an attempt to cheer his friend up. "I mean, that's ridiculous. And he sang you a love song!"

"A very sappy love song, but still," Gabriel agreed, joining Reed in the cheering up team.

"That wasn't a love song," Kurt protested, wiping at his face. "It was a goodbye."

"Nah!" Reed disagreed, but then scrunched up his face, considering, and suddenly didn't sound so reassuring anymore. "You think so?"

"He's given up," Kurt explained, sitting up, gesturing towards the laptop. "Blaine's given up and Valerie's got him exactly where she wants him."

"But that doesn't matter if Shane's plan works, right, Gabriel?" Reed looked with searching eyes at the man. "The plan sounds very good to me."

"I'll do my best," Gabriel promised again. "I can't guarantee that it'll work, though."

"Valerie's smart, Reed," Kurt reminded his friend in a resigned tone. "What if she doesn't buy it? What if Blaine ends up marrying her?"

"He'll still love you!" Reed said firmly. "Didn't you notice that Blaine still wears the bracelet? That's got to count for something."

"Looks to me like the bracelet has become no more than a memory of what we used to be for Blaine," Kurt replied, still in tears.

Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door and a hysterical yell, "Reed? Are you in there? Reed! Open up!"

"Oh, shit!" Kurt muttered, quickly wiping at his eyes.

Alarmed, Gabriel was on his feet in an instant, looking as if he had committed a crime by just hanging out in this room with them. "Who's that?"

"It's my Mom," Reed explained, and it did no good for everyone's anxiety level that he looked totally frightened. The boy jumped off the bed and opened the door for his mother.

"Hi Mom," he managed to say before Hilde Van Kamp stormed into the hotelroom like a hurricane, followed by her assistant Emily.

"Where have you been, Reed? Why didn't you come back to the show? You could at least have called me or Emily. We were looking for you in all the emergency rooms in the area. The stupid police doesn't want to move a finger unless you're missing 48 hours. Do you know what horrible, _horrible_ things can happen in only 48 hours? I have wanted to spill red wine over all of their stupid uniforms, but of course there's never a bottle around when you need one. And who's _that?"_

She pointed her finger at Gabriel, frowning at him suspiciously.

"Me?" Gabriel spread his hands as if to show that he was unarmed and harmless. "I'm nobody, really. I just drove them here. I... I guess I'd better leave now."

"No one leaves the room!" Hilde ordered firmly. "Not until I know what's going on."

"I'm sorry, Mom," Reed said quickly. "We had to leave the show, but it was really, _really_ important. And I didn't call because I didn't have my phone and I had to give my shoes to the taxi driver as payment. I'm really sorry!"

Hilde sat down in an armchair with a sigh and her features softened when he noticed that Kurt had been crying.

"There's no need to cry, Chord," she addressed Kurt in a gentle tone. "You did good, up until you fell in the end. It's my son I'm angry with." She turned back to Reed. "I have the feeling you tried to ruin my show on purpose!"

"I didn't!" Reed protested, and for the purpose of distraction he added, "And his name's Kurt, Mom. You're always saying it wrong."

"Sorry, dear, I'm bad with names."

"You should come up with nicknames for everyone, ma'am, that's what I do." Gabriel said with a shrug.

"Really?" Hilde raised a brow at him.

"Yeah, like, these two are Candy and Goldie to me."

"Why is that?" Hilde raised her brow higher.

"Come on, it's obvious," Gabriel said with a rather charming smile. "Your son is incredible cute, and now I see that he's got his good looks from his mother. Concerning Kurt, I know for a fact that Kurt is someone's greatest treasure. Also, he wore golden pants today."

"You seem very sweet," Hilde said appreciatively, then turned to her son. "Have you paid him yet? Never forget to tip a taxi driver or other service staff, son. - Emily, could you, please?"

Her assistant got out a big purse, raiding it for money.

"There's no need to pay me," Gabriel refused to take the money. "I'm not a taxi driver."

"Then who are you?"

"Uhm, that's kind of a long story, Mom," Reed interjected.

"Good. I don't have any more obligations today, have I, Emily?"

Her assistant checked the timetable. "Actually, there's the video conference with Vogue scheduled for 9.15 PM..."

"Ah, all right. I have to go, but I expect a full report tomorrow at lunch. Is that understood, honey?" She kissed Reed's cheek and then left again.

Kurt, Reed and Gabriel gazed at the door for a moment longer.

"That's one energetic lady," Gabriel remarked.

"Yeah, she's one of a kind," Reed replied with a sigh.

"I should leave now," Gabriel said and turned to the door.

"We'll stay in touch," Kurt said quickly. "You'll contact me as soon as you have _anything,_ right?"

"I will," Gabriel promised and let his gaze linger on Kurt for a second longer; a strange sadness in his eyes. "You can count on me."

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

**Bon Jovie – Bed of Roses**

* * *

><p>Emmy, thanks for all your help with this chapter! I really appreciate it! :)<p>

**For all of you who like my OC Gabriel, please go and check out my spin-off "Gabriel". I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.**

**As always, reviews are love and motivation. :)**


	55. No Regrets

**A/N:**

**I know, I know, my dear readers... I understand that you're growing impatient and want this story to come to an end. All right, I have set my goal: I'll finish No Regrets this year. **

**I do have the storyline mapped out in my head. I'm not going chapter by chapter, although I have to admit that I happen to get a lot of new ideas along the way and I get distracted. But all the stuff that happened in the past few chapters has been on my mind for two years. Gosh, I know I need to finish this. **

**So, what I'll do is this: I'll skip some of my ideas to get to a quick ending. (No complaints if it feels rushed, please.) But later on if I feel like it I'm might be writing some of the ideas I had originally in mind and put them into some kind of "Deleted Scenes". Are you okay with that?**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 55 - No Regrets <strong>

The next night Blaine sat on the piano bench in the sunroom – alone.

Shane had been sent back to Colorado to his school by their father – but really they knew that it was Valerie who wanted Shane to be gone. Blaine knew that Valerie disliked their closeness and the way Shane was able to cheer him up. Apparently, Valerie liked Blaine better when he was depressed. Hateful bitch...

Blaine's fingers ran a light dreamy melody on the keys while he was letting his own thoughts wander.

He felt the absence of his brother like a limb torn out of his body. It had only been a couple of days and yet he had grown so used to Shane's presence. His brother had calmed him and given him hope and a sense of belonging. Now he felt utterly lonesome again.

Drawing a deep breath, Blaine started singing a song that had taken over his mind the last couple of days whenever he was thinking about his family...

"Tell me a story  
>Where we all change<br>And we'd live our lives together  
>And not enstranged"<p>

Right now he hated his parents – and Valerie and Devon. None of them were here. They had left him locked-up in this big house all alone without a phone or any connection to the outside world. What if he really meant to kill himself now? What if he went into the kitchen and got a knife? Nobody would be on time to safe him this time...

"I didn't lose my mind  
>It was mine to give away<br>You couldn't stay to watch me cry  
>You didn't have the time<br>So I softly slip away..."

But Valerie knew that he wouldn't do that. She knew that he wanted to live. Even if living meant getting married to her.

He couldn't stop thinking about Kurt. It had gotten worse after their nearly escape together. He could still feel Kurt's mouth on his own, and hear his pleading voice. And now more than ever he knew they couldn't be together. He had to forget about Kurt – and Kurt had to let go of him, too. It was too dangerous. Valerie was right – no one would believe them. Not even his own parents...

The sharp words of his mother still burned inside of him. There was no help to be expected from her. He felt sorry for his parents, for their incapability to love and care about more than just reputation and money.

Blaine knew he'd never be able to trust his parents again and he hated that feeling. He wasn't a person that could hate easily, but he felt like that was all they had left him with. He was bound to do as they pleased or else he would end up in the mental ward again – or worse: they would harm Kurt. Although his father had claimed that he didn't intent to hurt Blaine's friends, he couldn't stop Valerie and Devon from doing so.

Blaine was crying silent tears as he sung huskily the next words,

"No regrets – they don't work  
>No regrets – they only hurt<p>

I don't want to hate but that's  
>All you've left me with<br>A bitter aftertaste and a fantasy of  
>How we all could live"<p>

If there was no chance of escape for him, he would do what was asked of him. But he wouldn't bow down to their feet. He wouldn't put his heart into anything, he would be a robot on the outside and do what they told him to do. But inside his heart he would keep his treasures... his love for music, his love for freedom, and most of all his love for Kurt.

His gaze rested on the single red rose with the red ribbon which still lay on the piano. It was meant for Kurt when he had sung Bed Of Roses last night and he wished he could give it to him somehow as a last gift.

"I know they're still talking  
>The demons in your head<br>If I could just stop hating you  
>I'd feel sorry for us instead"<p>

He felt like crying thinking about his brother. Shane was the most positive and optimistic person he knew – he just hoped that all of this mess wouldn't change him. His brother deserved a life of dance and freedom and love. He shouldn't live in fear and pressure and in shame of who he was. If Blaine could spare his brother such a life then he'd happily lead the life of lies his father and Valerie had planned for him.

"Everything I wanted to be

Every time I walked away

Everytime you told me to leave  
>I just wanted to stay<p>

Every time you looked at me and  
>Everytime you smiled<br>I felt so vacant you treat me like a child"

He would be able to live a lie as long as Shane was able to be himself and as long as Kurt would let go and live a happy fulfilled life without him. If only there was a guarantee that his brother and Kurt would be happy, Blaine wouldn't regret a thing.

He drew a couple of deep breaths, but the tears kept flowing down his face.

He remembered what Shane said when he had left this morning. He had pulled Blaine into a firm embrace, murmuring into his ear. "Keep your stuff close at hand and stay ready."

"Ready for what?" Blaine had asked.

"To run."

"What do you mean?" Blaine had been puzzled.

But Shane wouldn't tell him no more.

He didn't know what Shane's plan was and why he thought that Blaine would have another chance at escape. Shane wouldn't tell him any details, just that he had arranged a Plan B and that hopefully it would get rolling soon.

So Blaine had filled a backpack with his most treasured possessions. Not much, just the notebook with his song ideas, his favorite sweater, the pink sunglasses. Just to be ready in case. But the truth was that he didn't believe in escape anymore. Not without endangering the people he loved the most.

"No regrets – they don't work  
>No regrets – they only hurt..."<p>

Blaine heard someone at the door and he cursed quietly.

Valerie couldn't even be trusted to leave him alone for one night. That's all that he wanted to be alone and cry without her mocking him; he wanted to feel sorry for himself, but without an audience.

"I brought company!" Valerie called into the house and rounded the corner.

Blaine quickly wiped tears off his cheeks and braced himself for another round of Valerie's games.

Blaine couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the tall sun-kissed guy with messy dirty blond hair casually walking up behind her.

For a second Blaine was horrified. What was going on? Why was Gabriel here?

"Surely you remember your nurse Gabriel from the treatment center?" Valerie said, gesturing towards her guest.

"Hey Dwayne," Gabriel waved hello.

"It's Blaine," Valerie corrected him and then shook her head with a giggle. "Gosh, he's so bad with names."

"Sorry, kid." Gabriel winked at Blaine.

"What are you doing here?" Blaine asked, totally dumbstruck.

"Don't worry," Valerie said with a smirk. "He's not here for you, Blainey. Oh dear, did you think that he's here to take you back to the facility?" She laughed out loud; her laughter sounded mean and sarcastic. Even Gabriel widened his eyes behind her back.

"No worries, Blainey," she finally said. "He's with me."

As if to underline her words, Gabriel stepped closer behind her, put his hands on her waist in a suggestive way. "You said we were gonna be alone," Gabriel cooed into her ear and started kissing down her neck.

"We are," Valerie told him. "I have my own bedroom in this place. _He's_ not going to bother us." She pointed her thumb at Blaine in a sniffy way.

"I sure hope so," Gabriel said and his eyes twinkled at Blaine over Valerie's shoulder. "I don't want that kid to spoil our fun."

"Blainey, you're going to stay in the living room and watch some DVD, won't you?" Valerie said as if he was a ten-year-old. It was an order, not a suggestion.

"We're not even married yet and already you're cheating on me?" Blaine asked, raising his voice in mock horror and arched his brows. He didn't really care about Valerie's sex life, he just felt knocked off of his feet to see Gabriel with her.

"Way to go, Val," Blaine added with a huff.

"Oh come on, Blainey, I have needs," Valerie said with a suggestive smile.

Blaine pulled a face in disgust.

"Do I have to remind you that we have that arrangement that each of us can have their own lovers? And I'm already twenty-one, so I'm not breaking any of the rules your father set up."

"You're gonna get married?" Gabriel asked her in utter surprise. "To _him?"_

Blaine bit the insides of his cheeks to hide a grin. Gabriel was a good actor.

"None of your concern, sexy," Valerie smiled up to Gabriel. "All you need to know is that I've wanted you since I saw you in that facility!"

"We've had our engagement party only yesterday!" Blaine explained, fake-appalled. He could be one heck of an actor, too.

"Congratulations," Gabriel said with a shrug, as if he couldn't care less.

"You're not really pissed off, are you, Blainey?" Valerie asked with a smirk. "It's not like you'd want to have sexual relations with me. But oh! Of course! You've had a crush on your former nurse, did you?" Valerie giggled viciously.

Blaine felt a blush color his cheeks, but he didn't give Valerie the satisfaction of an answer.

"Come on, Gabby, before he wants to be part of the fun."

"Don't call him Gabby!" Blaine said disgruntled before he could hold his tongue.

Valerie narrowed his eyes at him. "Why not?"

Blaine was at a loss for an explanation for a second. He knew that Gabriel hated being called Gabby and he knew that because he had grown close to the man over the past couple of months. But Valerie couldn't know that they had become friends, confidants even.

"He must've overheard my co-workers call me that," Gabriel offered. "And me telling them to cut the crap. I'm a grown-up man, Valerie, I don't like being called cute nicknames."

"Not even by me?" she asked flirtatiously and leaned into him, playfully stroking a finger down his chest.

"I don't care what you call me as long as we're finally going into that bedroom of yours," Gabriel shot back and tickled her waist.

"There's a man that knows what he wants!" Valerie said appreciatively and dug her fingers into the front of his shirt, dragging him down the hallway to her bedroom. Before he vanished out of Blaine's sight Gabriel shot him a glance over his shoulder and winked.

With his legs suddenly shaking, Blaine dropped down on the couch.

Suddenly he remembered that Shane had taken off the other day, before Blaine's birthday, before they knew Kurt was in town. Shane had claimed to wanting to cruise the city and Valerie had let him go – he wasn't imprisoned here after all. Before that Blaine had shared Gabriel's address with his brother. Could it be that Shane had gone to pay Gabriel a visit? Why didn't he tell him?

After his initial shock wore off, Blaine started to understand. Gabriel was the one who had plotted with Shane. And _this_ was their plan? Gabriel seducing Valerie? How was this supposed to help Blaine get a runaway ticket? And... Gabriel wouldn't really go all the way with her just to save Blaine's ass, would he?

_Stay ready..._

Blaine got up again and went into his room to pick up his backpack. He still didn't know how Gabriel would be able to sneak him out of here, but suddenly he got excited. Could it be that in only a matter of hours he'd be able to see Kurt again?

Not knowing what he could do except wait for any instructions from Gabriel, Blaine grabbed the guitar Gabriel had given him – Damian's guitar – and settled on his bed, gently stroking the strings.

His excited thoughts were interrupted by a noise drifting through the walls. Unmistakably a moan.

Blaine started stroking the guitar harder to block out any other sounds, but he couldn't help hearing what was going on in the next room. It was beyond weird. He'd never listened to someone having sex before. It was like watching a car crash happening, you just can't look away, in this case he couldn't stop listening in. Valerie was loud. He wondered if she was loud on purpose, she had to know the thin walls weren't soundproof and that he'd hear them.

He just couldn't believe that Gabriel was actually doing this.

Also, he couldn't believe that Shane would take part in a plotting that involved seducing someone. Then again Shane would probably feel more pity for Gabriel in this situation than for Valerie.

After what seemed hours Blaine heard a thump and then hysterical laughter. As if someone just fell out of a bed.

Finally he heard the door of Valerie's bedroom open. "Be right back, hot stuff! Don't go anywhere!" Gabriel said, slipping out of the door.

"Are you kidding me?" Valerie called after him, her voice slurring with exhaustion. "Right now I couldn't walk anywhere even if I wanted to, lover."

Blaine peeked out of his bedroom door and caught sight of Gabriel who walked down the hallway, wearing nothing but a pair of boxershorts.

Gabriel saw him and motioned for him to follow him into the bathroom – apparently his excuse destination.

On tiptoes Blaine hurried across the hallway and met Gabriel in the small bathroom, closing the door behind him. He wanted to ask tons of questions, but he lost track of his thoughts when his gaze fell on Gabriel half naked. Boy, the young man had an incredible beautiful chest and six-pack abs and just the perfect tan. His skin was sweaty and his hair was ruffled and hung into his eyes.

Blaine didn't allow himself to think about the fact that his friend just had had sex with that monster girl.

Gabriel's gaze was serious and determined. He was a man on a mission. With a swift movement he extended his arm and held something out for Blaine to take. It was a key card.

"711-621," Gabriel said to him. "That's the code for both the front door and the gate. Just take your most valuable stuff and get out as quiet as possible. I'll keep on distracting her."

"How did you...?" Blaine was stunned, staring at the card in disbelief.

"No time," Gabriel cut in and spoke in a low urgent voice to Blaine. "Listen, a cab's waiting for you just down the street..."

"I don't have money."

"It's already paid, dummy." Gabriel grinned at him, the same mischievous smirk that Blaine had grown so accustomed to in the past weeks. For a second he missed hanging out with Gabriel like crazy.

"Gabriel, I..." There was so much Blaine wanted to say to him, but there was no time.

"I guess I'll see you around?" Gabriel said with a wistful grin.

"Yes," Blaine said, nodding fiercely. "Yes."

"Don't forget the code, 711-621. Gotta go," Gabriel winked at him. "A gentleman doesn't keep a girl waiting. Don't worry, I'll keep her busy. It'll take a while until she'll notice you're gone."

But instead of leaving, Gabriel stared at Blaine a second longer, then he moved forward, raised a hand to cup Blaine's face and stroked his thumb down Blaine's cheekbone. His brown eyes were staring so intently into Blaine's that it was impossible for the boy to look away. There was something in Gabriel's eyes that Blaine couldn't quite place – was it sorrow or regret or even guilt?

It made Blaine wonder whom Gabriel was seeing when he looked at him. Was he thinking of Damian? The boy who had died? Or was he seeing Blaine for who he really was? Did it make any difference?

There was a slight catch in the man's breathing and for a moment Blaine believed that the man was about to kiss him. Again. Like that one time back in the facility.

And strangely, for the briefest moment Blaine wouldn't have minded.

Instead Gabriel moved to press his lips to Blaine's forehead for a lingering second. Then he pulled away and let go of the boy.

He reached across Blaine and pushed the toilet flush.

"Good luck, Wildcat," he said hoarsely and slipped out of the bathroom, back into Valerie's bed.

For a second Blaine was so baffled by what had just happened that he couldn't move. He just stared at the key card in his hands.

Gabriel had just given him the opportunity to run.

Quietly, Blaine hurried back into his room and grabbed his backpack and Damian's guitar and put on his sneakers and a jacket. He was nervous as hell when he sneaked down the hall. His pulse was beating so loud in his ears that he was afraid Valerie might hear it.

When he passed Valerie's bedroom he heard a loud happy giggle from her; a sound he didn't even know she was able to produce. Whatever Gabriel was doing, she was having a jolly good time. He must be a heck of a lover.

With trembling fingers Blaine slid the key card into the device. The display lit up, asking him for the code. For a terrifying second Blaine couldn't remember the numbers. He'd been too busy processing what was going on and, admittedly, staring at Gabriel's mouth than paying attention to what came out of it. But then the soft tenor of Gabriel's voice returned to ring in his ears and the numbers came to him.

The door opened with a soft click.

A sudden idea crossed his mind and stopped right in the doorway. He left his backpack and ran back into the living room to the piano. The red rose was still where he had left it. He picked it up and took it with him.

Retrieving his stuff he closed the door behind him and ran across the front yard, knowing that the security cameras caught him. After Valerie had had her fun with Gabriel she would have something to watch on her surveillance screen.

Blaine slid the key card into the device at the main gate, punching the numbers in, and again, the door opened for him.

Blaine ran. He ran as fast as he could down the empty dark street.

He was scared that Valerie would follow him. But after a couple of minutes he saw a yellow cab parking down the street, just like Gabriel had told him.

Blaine slowed his run and tried to catch his breath. The driver was reading a novel. Blaine approached the cab and knocked at the window. The driver looked up and pushed a button to open the window.

"There you are," the driver said, stifling a yawn. "Get in."

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Blaine murmured in lack of anything else to say. He didn't know since when the driver had been waiting or which time he had been told that Blaine would arrive.

"No worries, kid. I don't mind getting paid for sitting and reading. Get in."

Blaine opened the backseat door and tossed his backpack into the car, then he sat and carefully set the guitar next to him.

The driver started the engine. Only now it occurred to Blaine that he didn't know where to go. Wasn't he supposed to give the driver some direction?

"Actually, I don't know where to go to," Blaine said.

"Hilton Hotel," the driver answered.

"Excuse me?"

"We're heading to the Hilton Hotel," the driver elaborated. "Your friends are waiting for you there."

"Oh, good," Blaine said and suddenly the rush of anxiety was replaced by anticipation. Kurt would be there. Surely he stayed at the Hilton with Reed and his mother.

Could it be this easy? Would he see Kurt in less than thirty minutes? It felt like a dream.

It was a twenty minutes drive. Twenty minutes in which Blaine's heart wouldn't stop pounding like a hammer inside his chest.

The driver slowed down to stop in front of the Hilton, just when Blaine noticed the big guy with the army short cut hair lurking about. Devon. He was watching the Hilton entrance. He was here to have an eye on Kurt.

Dread filled Blaine the moment he saw Devon standing at the curb, watching the entrance of the _Hilton_.

"Don't stop here," Blaine instructed the driver quickly. "Drive on!"

The driver turned the wheel around and pushed the gas to drive on. They stopped further down the street, still in view of the Hilton. Blaine looked back, studying Devon's posture and trying to figure out what to do.

Did Devon know that Blaine was likely to show up? No, Blaine was sure that Valerie had simply instructed her brother to keep an eye on Kurt, because it made it easier to sneak a lover into the house when her brother was out on duty. They knew Kurt was in town because of the fiasco at the fashion show yesterday. In a couple of days Kurt would travel back to Ohio and Valerie would lose interest in him. She had only sent Devon off for no other reason than to keep him occupied.

Now, Blaine couldn't walk into the Hilton without Devon seeing him. Valerie would be there in an instant, claiming him back. She could even call the police, because his father would back up for her. She was right; nobody would believe a story of kidnapping. He was a mental patient on the run. Simple as that. Nobody would believe him or Kurt.

There was no need to drag Kurt into this. He couldn't risk seeing Kurt again, he couldn't get Kurt and Reed into trouble. The only solution to this drama was for him to simply disappear. If he wasn't with Kurt there was no reason for Valerie to bother the Hummel family. If Blaine didn't have contact to anyone, she couldn't threaten him anymore.

Those thoughts were running through his head in just a matter of seconds.

Blaine made a decision.

"Where to now?" The driver asked patiently and clearly in a good mood. "With the money I've been paid I can drive you to the Netherlands if you want me to," he said with a chuckle.

"We don't have to go that far," Blaine replied and gave a destination. It was the only address he knew in Los Angeles. They drove on for another half hour. Blaine was slumped into the backseat, feeling numb. All the excitement from before was gone.

When they arrived at Blaine's choice of place he leaned forward to talk to the driver once more.

"I have one more ride for you to make," Blaine said. He gave the red rose to the driver. "Please bring this to the Hilton? It's for a boy called Kurt Hummel. He stays with Reed Van Kamp. Just make sure he gets it. And don't tell them where you dropped me off. Just... just tell them I'm safe, okay?"

The driver looked baffled at this request. He took the flower and carefully placed it on the passenger's seat. "That's by far the oddest guest I ever had to drive."

"Thank you." Blaine gathered his few belongings and got out of the cab. He looked up at the building and let out a sad sigh. For the first time in a while he felt safe. Still lost, but safe.

"No regrets..." he murmured as he carried his backpack and the guitar case towards the building.

* * *

><p>"Shit!" Kurt suddenly cursed from his position at the window. "Devon's here. What the hell is he doing here?"<p>

Reed rushed to his side. "What? Where?"

"There, on the other side of the street. Do you think he's observing us? How does he know we're in this hotel?"

"That's not hard to find out. My mom always stays at the Hilton when she's in L. A.," Reed explained. "You can google it. Or look it up in her blog."

Kurt was biting his lips, contemplating. "It looks like Valerie wants to keep an eye on us in case we make another move. Do you think they suspect anything about Gabriel's plan?"

"Nah," Reed said, flipping back on the couch. "Gabriel said he was surprised that Valerie responded to his advances this quickly. He hadn't expected her to meet with him on such short notice. She probably sent Devon off to be alone with Gabriel."

"I just hope he can help Blaine escape," Kurt worried again. "There's only this one try. She's smart, she'll know that Gabriel helped Blaine. Besides, I don't think Valerie is the type to take on a permanent lover."

"Weird, isn't it?" Reed pulled a face. "What do you think how far will Gabriel go to please her?"

"I don't know," Kurt murmured and checked the curtain again. Devon was still outside, not moving an inch from his position. "But I don't think he'll enjoy himself very much."

"You think so?" Reed asked, lazily flicking through a glossy magazine and putting stickers on the items he liked. Unlike Kurt he was used to fill waiting time with idly leisure activities. "He seemed like a ladies man to me."

"Oh, Reeeeed," Kurt smiled over at his friend. "Your gaydar needs an update if you think Gabriel's straight."

"What?" Reed's eyes grew big. "No way!"

"Oh, yes!" Kurt stated.

"How do you know?" Reed demanded to know.

"Come on!" Kurt rested his elbow on the arm that was wrapped around his middle and flicked his free hand. "The way he got all flirtatious around you? A straight guy doesn't tell other guys how cute they are."

"Oh," Reed said and pursed his lips.

"Also," Kurt went on, heaving a sigh of dismay. "The way he talked about Blaine... I think Gabriel's in love with him."

"Kurt," Reed rolled his eyes at his friend. "Just because you _love_ Blaine doesn't mean everybody else does, too. That's just some kind of protective instinct that makes you see rivals in everyone, because you want to keep Blaine all to yourself. I'm the same way with shoes."

"Excuse me?" Kurt let out a chuckle. "Did you just compare Blaine to shoes?"

"Yeah, well, I'm kind of picky with shoes and when I finally find a pair that I _really_ like and that fits me like a dream I get all like, _mine_ _mine_ _mine,_ and then I get anxious that somebody snatches my shoes away."

Kurt graced his friend with a skeptically raised eyebrow.

"Yes, I know, I know," Reed stated, throwing his hands up in defense. "But it took me a while to realize that I have such an extraordinary taste in shoes that nobody really fancies the same shoes I do and therefore I don't need to get paranoid that people will steal them from me."

"Now you just compared Blaine to a pair of shoes that nobody would want to have." Kurt grinned at Reed.

"A pair of shoes that are _your_ favorites and _you_ wouldn't want to trade for anything in the world," Reed specified. "Speaking off, where's my pair of Ariat Cross Fire Leather boots?"

Reed got up from the couch and started rummaging in his several bags.

"The turquoise ones or the cream ones?" Kurt asked as he glanced outside again and watched the traffic in the street below.

"No, the brown ones with giraffe patterns," Reed called out of his giant trunk, growing desperate.

The same time Kurt grew uneasy the longer Devon was standing outside. Gabriel had called them a couple of hours ago, telling them that he was going to meet Valerie tonight and would try to convince her to let him come to her house. If everything went according to plan Blaine would soon sit in a taxi on his way to the Hilton.

"Devon's still in place," Kurt said out loud for Reed still in the trunk to hear him. "What will he do when he sees Blaine coming in here? Stupid question. He'll call Valerie instantly and then they'll come and maybe even bring the cops. Or worse, Blaine's father. They will make it look like Blaine is a runaway mental patient. We need to run as soon as Blaine gets here, Reed!"

"We could ask my Mom's driver Anton to drive us to another hotel maybe," Reed suggested.

"Devon would follow us," Kurt said. "No matter where we'd go, Valerie knows Blaine's with me; she'd follow me back to Lima if she had to."

"Don't worry, we'll to come up with something when Blaine arrives," Reed said soothingly. "Perhaps my Mom can help us. I was thinking about telling her about everything. She's got a lot of influence, you know. Perhaps she'd be able to talk some sense into Blaine's dad."

"As long as she'll listen to us and won't send Blaine back instantly," Kurt said, hugging himself tight while keeping his eyes on the street about ten levels below their window.

As Kurt watched a yellow cab slowed down and turned into the parking space in front of the hotel, but then, as if changing its mind, it drove off again before even stopping. It was weird but not unsettling until Kurt caught a glimpse of the passenger in the backseat sitting next to a guitar case. Kurt's heart skipped a beat and he pressed his hand on the window. "Blaine!"

Reed looked up. "Blaine's arrived?"

"Yes, he... no, he can't..." Kurt didn't hesitate long. He ran across the room, yanking the door open and hurried to the elevators.

"Kurt? What's wrong?" Reed called after him.

"Blaine didn't stop!" Kurt answered and jumped into the elevator, hitting the down button as if his life depended on it. He didn't wait for Reed to follow him. He rode down, each second the elevator took was a second too slow.

Kurt sprinted out of the hotel like he was on fire. He ignored Devon across the street who saw him storming out and started running after him.

But Kurt was faster. There were no available taxis, so Kurt ran down the street after the one taxi that he needed to get. He could still see it driving off in the distance. He was hoping that Blaine would stop a few blocks away from the Hilton. But as Kurt ran and ran the taxi disappeared out of his sight. Desperately he looked around for another taxi, but there simply was none around.

Panting, he stopped and looked back. He'd gone an incredible distance already. Devon had stopped following him a couple of blocks ago.

Kurt stemmed his hands into his hips, walking on and trying not to let panic get the best of him.

"Blaine!" Kurt started yelling Blaine's name over and over. His only hope left was that Blaine had dropped off someplace near. Perhaps he would come out of the shadows any second.

His phone rang and Kurt got it out of the back pocket of his jeans. For a mad second he believed it could only be Blaine calling. But of course it wasn't.

It was Gabriel. "Gabriel!" Kurt answered the phone.

"Mission accomplished, Goldie," Gabriel said in a good mood. "I take it Blaine's with you already?"

"No," Kurt said, near tears and his panic audible. "He drove on, because Devon was standing in front of the hotel."

"Shit!" Gabriel cursed heartily. "Fuck, I didn't see that one coming."

"What now?" Kurt asked desperately. "Do you have any idea where Blaine could go to?"

"Sorry, no," Gabriel replied. "Does he have friends or family in L. A.?"

"Not that I know of," Kurt said, his voice shaking. "And from what we saw at the engagement party livestream his family can't be trusted anyway."

"We'll find him," Gabriel promised, sounding more reassuring than he felt. "You better stay out of sight and... no, scratch that. You need to show yourself, so that Valerie can see that Blaine's not with you or else she'll bother you."

"Did you talk to him?" Kurt asked. "Did he say something before he left?"

"We didn't really have time to talk," Gabriel said softly. "But I'm sure his priority is to protect you."

"Anyway, thank you," Kurt said, wiping tears off his cheeks with his free hand. "For everything you did. At least he's free now."

"I'm sure you'll get to see him soon," Gabriel said. "He just needs to get under cover for a while."

Kurt let out a little laugh. "Who says life isn't like a movie sometimes?"

Gabriel chuckled, too. "This movie has a happy ending, Goldie, I'm sure of it."

"Thanks," Kurt said again and hung up.

He looked around some more until a black limousine stopped right beside him and Reed poked his head out. They didn't need to talk. Kurt got into the car and they drove around aimlessly, looking in the streets for a boy with dark curly hair and a guitar strapped over his shoulder.

But it was no use. Blaine was gone.

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

**Robbie Williams – No Regrets **

_**Normallyweirdm,**_** what would I do without you? Thanks a million for your help and encouragement. This chapter is for you, because I know you heart some Gabriel and Blaine moments :)**


	56. Safe and Sound

**Chapter 56 – Safe And Sound**

As the cab drove off, Blaine walked up to the front of a high-rise apartment building. The front door was locked, but Blaine was lucky that two girls came out and he got his foot in the door. Once inside he crossed the clean, sleek lobby towards the elevator. On the fifth floor he stepped out into a long hall lined with identical doors. He walked down about halfway until he reached number 16B.

There was no name sign on the door to tell the visitor who lived here, but Blaine remembered the number. He didn't bother to try the bell since Gabriel most likely wouldn't be home yet.

After a minute of standing Blaine bent down and picked up a corner of the mat. There was a key. Just like Gabriel said there would be a key. Blaine took it and turned it in his palm, over and over again. Then he put it back underneath the mat. Sitting down cross-legged in front of Gabriel's apartment door, he settled in for a long wait, hugging the guitar to his chest and leaning his head back against the door. He was sure Gabriel would show up soon enough.

Before he knew it Blaine fell asleep.

* * *

><p>"Look what we got here! A stray cat on my doorstep!"<p>

Gabriel laughed at the sight of Blaine jerking awake and looking around in confusion.

"Why didn't you just go inside? I told you there's a key beneath the mat."

"That'd be rude," Blaine replied. He couldn't help the grin that slid across his features and the feeling of relief flooding through him when his eyes rested on his friend.

"You and your excellent manners," Gabriel shook his head with an amused expression. "Don't you ever get sick of them?" He held out a hand to help Blaine up.

Blaine gladly took the offered hand because his legs felt numb from the poor angle he'd been sitting for ... how long? He didn't have a watch to check the time but for his bones it felt like hours.

"God, your boyfriend will be so relieved!" Gabriel called out with a laugh of relief as he got his keys out. "He's worried sick about you!"

"Don't tell him that I'm here," Blaine begged.

"Are you kidding me?" Gabriel asked, pausing his attempt to unlock the door to face Blaine with a confused look.

"I can't risk him coming here. Devon would follow him and I can't get Kurt into any more trouble," Blaine explained in panic.

Frowning, Gabriel opened the door and motioned for Blaine to step in. "Come on in. Let's not talk on the doorstep."

Blaine entered the small apartment and the first thing he noticed was that it indeed was small and very sparsely furnished. A fancy king sized bed dominated the room. However, it was the only fancy thing around.

"Welcome to my humble housing. Make yourself at home." Gabriel said and dropped his keys on a shelf near the door.

"I'm so sorry, Gabriel," Blaine blurted out instantly, "for what you had to do to get me out of there" It had been on his mind all night long from the second he had seen Gabriel come in with Valerie.

A shadow crossed Gabriel's face before he turned to smirk at him. "Some would consider me a lucky guy. After all this Valerie is a very pretty and passionate girl."

"Yes, but you're gay," Blaine stated with a shake of his head. "And I would never have asked you to do such a thing just to get me out of there."

"Well, it was the only plan Footloose and me came up with and it worked," Gabriel shrugged, stepping out of his shoes. "It was easier to trick Valerie into thinking I had the hots for her than I thought it would be. It's probably her narcissistic personality that makes her think every guy in the world is in love with her. And I'd like to add that she found my entertaining talents quite pleasing. Other than losing you she's got nothing to complain about."

"Glad to hear it," Blaine let out a chuckle and looked up at his rescuer. "But wasn't it awful for you to... you know, seduce her?"

"Don't worry about me, Wildcat." Gabriel gave a mock-bow. "I'm happy to be at service of any kind. How about I hear a thank-you? It seems you got away just fine, thanks to my incredible charm with the ladies."

"I... I'm so grateful," Blaine stammered. "I just don't know how to repay you."

"I'm not expecting a reward," Gabriel said with a snort. "Or even a bravery medal. Just take care of yourself, that's all I'm asking."

"I will," Blaine replied with smile. "Thank you, Gabriel."

"You hungry?" Gabriel asked. "I'll see what I can fix us to eat."

Gabriel disappeared next door and left Blaine to explore the apartment by himself. There wasn't much to see, however.

He put the guitar and his backpack next to the door and crouched down to unlace his shoes. Then he went to take a look around. There was a bathroom with a lot of cracked tiles on the floor and the walls, a small kitchen and pantry where Gabriel was just checking the expiry dates on several food cans.

No table, no chairs, no couch. Not even a hi-fi system. Just a small TV on the dresser. There was a dresser but no closet.

One bookshelf.

Blaine was aghast. How could a person only have one bookshelf? The only books resting on it was the Harry Potter series. Wow. He hadn't expected Gabriel to be a Harry Potter nerd. But the copies were obviously used.

Blaine took one copy out of the shelf and examined it. When he opened the first page something caught his eye, the book's owner had written his initials in it in big letters.

D.E.F.

He felt his clench tightly when he realized they belonged to Damian.

"He never finished the last book," Gabriel told Blaine from the doorway to the kitchen, and Blaine cringed, feeling caught. Quickly, he put the book back and felt like he'd just tainted something sacred.

"But my brother says that's quite all right because the last one was rather dark and gloomy and it's for the best that Damy never found out that one of the twins dies in the end."

"I'm so sorry," Blaine said in lack of anything else to say. He felt awful knowing that Gabriel's boyfriend had committed suicide.

"It's not your fault," Gabriel said with a shrug. "Apparently Rowling loves to torture her characters as much as her readers."

Gabriel vanished into the kitchen again and Blaine continued his little tour around. He liked Gabriel's apartment, it was small but neat, sparsely furnished but comfortable.

There was a calendar on the wall. Blaine noticed that it was three years old. As if time had stopped counting in this apartment three years ago.

A mirror behind the apartment door made sure that one's reflection was the last thing you looked at when you left. Blaine stepped closer to get a good look at two pictures that were tucked at the upper corner of the mirror frame. One showed a close-up of Gabriel's face cheek to cheek with another boy who was hugging him. The smaller boy showed a big toothy smile and his dark curly hair was in contrast to Gabriel's blond mane. Gabriel must have held the camera at arm's length to take their picture.

Blaine tilted his head and squinted his eyes. Yeah, there was a certain resemblance to himself. But the boy in the picture was way cuter, he had a heart-shaped face and big round eyes and a smile to die for. Damian had been a real cutie. He could easily see why Gabriel had fallen for that boy.

The second picture showed Damian again, sitting next to another boy his age with short light brown hair and the same eyes and nose as Gabriel. Probably his brother.

"Admiring your own reflection?"

Blaine flinched and put a hand on his heart. "Geez! Stop sneaking up on me like that."

Gabriel just grinned at him. "You're really jumpy, you know that?"

"You'd be, too, if you had a mad wannabe-bride on your tracks," Blaine huffed. He pointed to the photo. "Is this Damian?"

Gabriel came over and stood next to him, looking with sad eyes at the pictures. "Yes, that's him. And this is my younger brother Joey."

Blaine looked at the picture of Gabriel and Damian again. "He was happy with you."

Gabriel turned away. "You should call your boyfriend, Wildcat. He's worried sick about you. You need to tell him that you're safe. Here!"

Gabriel tossed him his phone which Blaine caught easily with his right hand.

Blaine stared down at the phone in his hand as if trying to figure out what the hell a phone was. All these weeks he'd been on the hunt for a phone and now one was given to him like it was the most common thing in the world to just go and call your boyfriend.

A lump was forming in his throat and he tried to swallow it down. Slowly he shook his head and held the phone out to give it back to Gabriel. "I told you, I can't. Valerie will find out and she will hurt him."

"You can't keep him waiting any longer," Gabriel said bewildered. "After all he's been through because of you the least you owe him is a freaking phone call, don't you think?"

"I know," Blaine replied, clearly suffering with the decision he made. "It's just that I don't _want_ Kurt to have to go through all of this because of me. He deserves better."

Gabriel took Blaine by the shoulders and gently pushed him backwards until his legs hit the bed. "Sit down and listen very closely," Gabriel said and gave him a little shove that had Blaine fall back on the mattress.

"Goldie knows that you're trouble and that being with you is probably very unhealthy for him, _but he doesn't care_. He's waiting for you and he will keep on waiting for you no matter what you do. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you give up on him after all that's happened?"

"You're right," Blaine stared down at the phone in his hand again. "I wouldn't do that. I'd be even more determined to find him."

"I'm glad you came to that conclusion," Gabriel said with a little chuckle. "I'll make us some pasta. It'll be a few minutes, so take your time to call your boyfriend."

Blaine fell back into the pillows with a sigh, trying to figure out what to say to Kurt. Even after their short reunion he felt like there weren't enough words to say what he was feeling.

Looking up he noticed that Gabriel had glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. How dreamy.

He drew a deep breath to calm his nerves and went through the contacts of Gabriel's phone, not really surprised to find Kurt's number saved as _Wildcat's Boyfriend_.

Gabriel was right. Kurt wouldn't stop looking for him. Blaine had to _make_ him stop. His heart pounded ferociously inside of his chest, making him painfully aware that the only time he was finally able to call Kurt was with the intention of setting him free.

The call was answered almost immediately, as if Kurt had been staring at his phone all along, waiting for news on him. "Anything?" Kurt sounded worried, impatient and exhausted. He didn't even bother with a hello.

For a second Blaine couldn't speak. He found himself holding his breath with closed eyes, imaging what Kurt looked like on the other end of the line.

"Gabriel?" Kurt asked, the worry in his voice clearly predominant now.

"It's me," Blaine said, his voice thin and weak.

"Blaine?" There was a crack in Kurt's voice and something that sounded like a muffled sob, as if he'd covered his mouth in shock. "Blaine, thank God! Where are you? We've been looking all over for you!"

"I... I'm with Gabriel."

"Oh, thank God! Just tell me where and I'll be there in a second!" Kurt was so eager that it was hard for Blaine to say what he had to say next.

"No, Kurt, listen… you can't come here. Valerie has put Devon on watch. He's on guard in front of your hotel and he'd follow you anywhere."

"I know," Kurt said, putting Blaine's worries aside without second thought. "He already was on my trail all night long. I saw you in the cab when you drove on and ran after you. It wasn't easy to shake him off, and now that we're back in our hotel room of course he's back on watch. But I'm sure we can outrun him again."

"I don't want you to risk it," Blaine said slowly. "I don't want him on your trail."

"Just tell me where Gabriel lives and I promise you I will lose Devon on the way. He won't follow me to you." Kurt started sounding desperate.

"Kurt, the thing is that I'm … I guess I'm a runaway now. I ran away from my dad's, but Valerie will do everything in her power to find me. I need to find a place to hide…"

"You can come to my house!" Kurt offered eagerly. "My dad won't mind. And we won't tell anyone that you're with us!"

"Kurt, your place is the first place Valerie would come looking for me. She would even bring the police if she had to. And my dad. I have to stay out of reach."

"Okay, then where will you go? Are you going to stay with Gabriel? Where can we meet up?"

"Kurt," Blaine said in a weak voice, his tongue heavy with reluctance of what he was about to say. "We can't be together, Kurt."

"What... what do you mean?" Kurt's heart stopped beating at the realization what Blaine was saying.

"It's too dangerous," Blaine explained. "I don't want you to get hurt further."

"Valerie tried to intimate me but very unsuccessfully, I assure you. I'm going to do anything for us to be together again, Blaine."

"That's what I'm afraid of. Kurt, you gotta stop. You have to forget me. Let go! You're destroying yourself if you keep on waiting for me."

"Where is this coming from?" Kurt demanded. "Did Gabriel put ideas in your head?"

"What? No!" Blaine said, confused. "Gabriel made me call you."

"Look, Blaine, I'm going to do whatever it…"

"I don't want you to do whatever it takes!" Blaine cut him off fiercely. "I can't constantly worry about you. I have to try and get my life back. And you can't be a part of it!"

"After all these weeks of waiting for you and not knowing what happened to you, now you're calling to break up with me?" Kurt asked incredulously. "You can't be serious!"

"We can't be together, Kurt, don't you see?" Blaine begged, with desperation in his voice.

"No! You're not breaking up with me, Blaine Anderson!" Kurt said, his voice heavy with emotion and determination. "You. Are. NOT. Breaking. Up. With. Me!"

"You think I want you to get beaten up on my behalf? Kurt, they broke your ribs!" Now Blaine was shouting in defense of his decision. "I can't stand knowing that you get hurt on my behalf. And I don't want you to run into the line of fire for me."

"I'm not scared of Valerie or your dad."

"But you should be! I am." Blaine let out a humorless laugh. "I won't have you hurt on my behalf again. I don't want you to jump into danger not thinking about yourself."

"But that's not for you to decide!" Kurt pointed out firmly. "You can tell me to stay away but it's my choice if I do and I'm telling you I won't. You got me, you'll always have me. I'll do anything for you and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"I need to get away for now, Kurt. I need to figure out what to do next. I don't know what I'm doing, Kurt. I don't want to break up with you, but I don't see a way we could be together!"

"It's okay, you don't have to make that decision just yet," Kurt soothed Blaine. "Just promise me to call me again when you get the chance. I'll be waiting."

"I don't want you to be waiting for my call. I don't want your life to be on hold, waiting for me. It's not fair to you."

"Since when is anything in life _fair?"_ Kurt asked with a tearful chuckle.

"Oh, Kurt," Blaine said, barely holding back the tears. "I love you so much. Please don't think for a second that I don't love you."

"I love you, too, Blaine, so, so much." Kurt replied in a softer tone.

"I'm sorry," Blaine kept saying. "I'm so sorry, Kurt, but I need you to go back home and stay out of this mess. Please."

"No! You're not able to make a rational decision right now, Blaine. You've got to let someone else handle this. Reed and I, we're going to tell his mom everything. Perhaps she can help us. Just stay where you are and don't do anything rash. You hear me? Give the phone to Gabriel, I want to talk to him. He's got to talk some sense into you."

"I can't stay at Gabriel's," Blaine murmured, more to himself than to Kurt. "His place was the only place I know in L. A. but I can't stay here. Once Valerie figures out that he helped me, she will come looking for me and then he'll be in trouble, too."

"Hey, I'm in trouble anyway," Gabriel said from the doorway, having overheard the last part of the conversation. "But she doesn't know where I live."

"She'll find out," Blaine insisted, worried.

"Blaine, honey, please give the phone to Gabriel," Kurt said again. "I love you and I'll find a way for everything to be okay again, all right? Just trust me."

"I love you, too, Kurt," Blaine said with a weak voice, too tired to be able to argue any further. "I just don't see a way for us to be together..."

"There's always a way, Blaine," Kurt disagreed. "Just don't lose hope."

Blaine gave the phone to Gabriel and turned to the side, burying his face into the pillows. Gabriel went to the balcony to talk to Kurt and Blaine didn't mind; he didn't want to listen in, he just wanted to forget about everything. Somehow talking to Kurt made everything worse, because apparently Kurt still believed in a future together and it was just too pitiful to see his hopes being crushed.

"What did you do?" Gabriel asked in astonishment after he'd hung up the phone. He flopped down next to Blaine on the mattress and shook him by the shoulder. "I didn't mean for you to break up with him!"

"Anything else wouldn't be fair to him," Blaine murmured, hugging the pillow tightly.

"You should hear yourself talking," Gabriel chided. "Where's your fight, Wildcat? You talking like that left Goldie Pants even more worried than before."

"I'm just being realistic," Blaine argued, sitting up and glaring at Gabriel. "Do I really have to repeat it? Devon already hurt him once, and he's going to get his hands on Kurt again. It's the best for everyone if I just disappear!"

"Now, now," Gabriel reached out to ruffle Blaine's curly hair. "Let's eat. You'll feel better with a full stomach."

Blaine spent the night in Gabriel's apartment. They watched silly cartoons in bed, ate pasta and lots of candy bars and Blaine was able to ease his mind off all the heavy stuff that had been dragging him down for too long. He fell asleep during a re-run of Family Guy and the last thing he was aware of was the way Gabriel put an extra blanket on him and softly stroked his hand over Blaine's curly head.

Then Blaine drifted further asleep, feeling safe and secure.

* * *

><p>During the call Kurt stayed surprisingly focused and in control. That is, if you didn't count his yelling when Blaine was about to break up with him. But after he'd hung up, Kurt sat down on the floor, shivering and hugging himself.<p>

Reed hunched down next to him instantly, his big eyes prompting him to tell.

"Blaine's with Gabriel," Kurt said, relieved. "But he won't tell me where that is. And he was going to break up with me!" Kurt added, still upset about it.

"I couldn't miss that," Reed said, biting his lips. "I'm glad you told him to drop that idea."

"He just wants me to be safe," Kurt said with a shrug.

"What are you going to do now?" Reed inquired, hugging his knees.

"I don't know," Kurt replied. "But I won't fly back home tomorrow if Blaine is going to stay in L. A. I just have to find a way to sell this to my dad."

"We will find a way," Reed promised. "I'm going to talk to my mom and we'll figure something out."

Kurt nodded with tears in his eyes. "I just want this nightmare to be over," he admitted in a whisper. "I want Blaine to come back with us, back to Dalton. I just want us to be a normal couple."

"You're not just a normal couple," Reed said with a fond smile. "The way you take every obstacle that's being thrown in your way and how you still hold on and fight for Blaine even when the odds are against you? That's not normal, Kurt, that's amazing and very inspiring and you guys will be together again, because the world's not able to stop you from loving each other and I envy you because I want this kind of love, too, but I guess it's a one in a million chance to have that kind of love with someone."

Kurt smiled at his friend. "You know, there are two Anderson brothers out there and they're both one of million kind of guys."

"Weird, huh?" Reed mused. "Thinking that such a messed up family produced two of the cutest guys on earth."

Kurt laughed at that and smiled tiredly.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading! :)<strong>

**I forgot to tell you guys that the winners of the Glee Fan Fic Awards 2013 had been announced! Sadly, I didn't get to win Best Mystery Fic and Best Mystery Fic writer, but still, thanks a million for all of your votes! The nomination means a lot to me. :D**


	57. At Your Mercy

**Chapter 57 – At Your Mercy **

Blaine awoke to find Gabriel lying next to him and for a second he thought he was back in the facility. But last night's events quickly caught up with him as he glanced around the room. Gabriel had drawn the curtains shut, but through a crack on the left side he could see that the sun was up high. It must be already afternoon, Blaine thought and stifled a yawn.

As always these days his first thoughts were about Kurt. He wondered what Kurt was up to and if he could at least enjoy a little bit of his stay in Los Angeles. However, with the menace of Valerie hovering over both of them, Blaine actually just hoped that Kurt was already on his way back to Lima, Ohio.

"Hey, sleepy-head," Gabriel murmured and Blaine turned to look at his generous host.

"Good morning," Blaine said. "Sorry, I guess I fell asleep on you."

"Don't apologize, silly," Gabriel let out a soft laugh. "I'm glad you feel comfortable enough at my place to sleep like a dead man."

"I'm surprised I could sleep at all," Blaine rubbed his eyelids. "With all that's going on inside of my maze of a head right now. I feel like I go round in circles and don't end up anywhere."

"Do you still intend to leave Kurt out of the loop?" Gabriel asked with his hands on Blaine's back, slowly rubbing the tension out of the boy. Blaine leaned forward and relaxed. The man's hands felt so good on him. But still he couldn't stop worrying about his situation.

"Did Valerie call you?" Blaine asked, his fingers twisting into the blanket.

Gabriel shook his head. "My guess is that she's not sure if I helped you or if you stole the key card by yourself when she was distracted with me. Calling me and asking me whether or not I helped you escape would look desperate, wouldn't it? I think she's not one to act on a guess."

"Then she'll keep her eye on Kurt," Blaine said, contemplating. "He's her only key to where I may have vanished. If she follows him and sees that I'm not with him, she'll leave him alone I hope."

"You know what?" Gabriel sat up and poked Blaine into the arm. "You should take a shower to clear your head. All this worry won't get you nowhere."

"Uh, shower sounds like heaven," Blaine admitted and glanced at the blond man. He had grown accustomed to the intense way Gabriel's eyes always seemed to take him in wholeheartedly. It didn't embarrass him anymore to have the man's full attention. It was just the way Gabriel was.

"I make us some coffee. Sound good?" his host offered.

"Perfect," Blaine said with an appreciative smile. He got out of bed and slowly made his way into the bathroom. He was amazed to be able to take a proper shower again. He had taken showers at his father's beach house, of course, but with Valerie around and all the cameras set up in the house, he hadn't really felt comfortable and only showered quickly.

Gabriel's bathroom was small but neat and clean. Blaine helped himself to Gabriel's shower gel and hair products and took his time under the spray, letting the hot water cleanse him of worry and despair.

Twenty minutes later Blaine stood in front of the bathroom mirror trying to tame his hair with a comb. The little room was steamed up and the mirror was wet with condense. The musky smell of Gabriel's shower gel hung in the air which Blaine really liked. For the first time in a while he felt good about himself. He was free, he was all cleaned up and he was about to get coffee. What more could he ask for? Apart from being with Kurt, that was.

"I gotta say that your backside's quite a delicious view, Wildcat."

Gabriel stood in the doorway, blatantly watching him and making Blaine aware that he was standing bare to the waist, only wrapped into a towel which he now firmly adjusted.

"Come on, I've seen you in your birthsuit before," Gabriel said with a light chuckle.

"That was different," Blaine mumbled, a little bit embarrassed.

Gabriel let out a long sigh and leaned his head back against the wall.

"You know that you can't stay here, right? At least not for long." Gabriel said so unexpectedly that Blaine tensed up.

"Why not?" Blaine inquired confused, watching the man in the reflection of the mirror. "You said you didn't care about Valerie!"

"It's not because of her," Gabriel replied with a snort. "If she dares to bother me I'll tell her my piece of mind."

"Then why can't I stay?" Blaine was a little bit hurt. He hadn't really planned on staying, of course, because he didn't want to be a bother, but it was difficult to hear the friend tell him to leave.

Gabriel sighed deeply and slumped against the wall, his arms wrapped around his middle as if hugging himself. "Because I want you to stay so badly," he admitted with a soft voice, almost inaudible.

"What?" Blaine turned around and leaned back against the sink. "That doesn't make sense."

"Oh, sweetie, you're really putting my self-control to the test," Gabriel replied with a sad-sounding chuckle. "The more time I get to spend with you... you make me forget everything else around me."

"I'm sorry," Blaine stammered, even more confused. "But what do you mean?"

Instead of answering Gabriel showed him.

He pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it carelessly on the floor. Then he stepped forward and pressed their bodies together, hot skin on skin.

Blaine braced his hands on the sink and was caught up in the sensation of their naked chests touching, he was shuddering in the firm embrace of Gabriel's strong arms. For a long second Gabriel was just holding him tight, his face buried into the curls above Blaine's left ear, breathing him in whereas Blaine stopped breathing altogether.

Finally Gabriel let go of Blaine's body, instead he captured Blaine's face with both hands and kissed him roughly. Their lips smashed together and Gabriel moved his mouth against Blaine's, but before Blaine could fully process what was happening Gabriel was already trailing off and kissing a wet line along Blaine's jaw and down his neck.

"You are so beautiful," Gabriel murmured, his breath hot and moist on Blaine's skin. "So sweet and wonderful..."

Blaine couldn't reply, his throat was tight and his hands were still clasping the sink, he wasn't moving a finger, too stunned by what Gabriel was doing and clueless to how to react.

"And if you stay for longer," Gabriel continued to kiss down Blaine's chest, his hands stroking firmly Blaine's sides and his back, "I just won't be able to keep my hands off of you."

Blaine's heart was racing and his head reeling. He couldn't deny that it felt good to be kissed and caressed by a man. But it felt so wrong if it wasn't Kurt. As much as he liked Gabriel and as much as he was thankful, he just couldn't... But he owed him, didn't he? After all Gabriel had done for him? He had nothing else to offer to pay him back.

Gabriel was on his knees now right in front of Blaine, his mouth on Blaine's stomach, his hands trailing the line of the towel around his waist. Blaine tightened his grip on the sink, bracing himself for what Gabriel was up to.

Suddenly Gabriel's shoulders slumped down. He sat back on his heels and rested his forehead against Blaine's stomach.

"Why don't you tell me to stop?" He asked quietly, sounding defeated.

Blaine swallowed hard. "I... I owe you..."

"You don't owe me anything, silly!" Gabriel got to his feet again and placed his hands on Blaine's shoulders, clearly upset. "You should tell me to get lost! You should tell me to keep my fucking hands off of you! What's wrong with you?"

"But..." Blaine shrugged slightly and forced the words out. "What else can I give you?"

Gabriel stepped back, raking his fingers through his hair. "Goodness! Blaine, you don't need to give me anything! Don't let anybody use you so readily, you hear me? Even in your darkest hour when you desperately need money, don't let anyone lay a hand on you!"

"I'm... I'm sorry," Blaine replied, shaken by Gabriel's sudden outburst and the sincereness with which the man was worried about him.

"No, I'm sorry, Wildcat." Gabriel paced the small bathroom, raking his hands through his hair, looking as if he was going crazy. "I swear I won't touch you again. You don't have to worry about that, all right?"

Gabriel fled the bathroom without looking at him again.

Blaine was left more puzzled than before. But beside his general confusion he got it. He knew that Gabriel sincerely cared about him, but he also knew that the main reason Gabriel had taken a fancy on him was because he reminded him of his lost boyfriend. Blaine quickly put on the clothes Gabriel had laid out for him, a blue jeans and a blue checkered button-down shirt.

He found Gabriel sitting on the mattress again, staring down on the floor, looking completely forlorn. Without hesitation Blaine crossed the room, climbed on the mattress and embraced Gabriel from behind. "I'm so sorry about Damian," Blaine said, his voice raw with emotion. "I'm so sorry that you've lost him, Gabriel. I'm sorry that I remind you of him."

Gabriel didn't say anything, but he clasped his hands on Blaine's arms hugging him, and his chin fell on his chest in mourning. Blaine rested his cheek against Gabriel's bare shoulder, holding him tight as the man wept silently.

* * *

><p>Sunday morning Kurt and Reed were out on the beach which in their case meant sit in the shadowy corner of a café sipping a mocca latte and watching the sun worshippers and the sport addicts on inliners and bikes.<p>

They were discussing how to approach the topic of Blaine's situation to Reed's mother without sounding like over-dramatic teens. They wanted to make sure that they were taken seriously. Since Reed's mother had a very short attention span, Reed wanted to work out how to get to the point in the most effective and least dramatic way.

"I just can't stand knowing that Blaine's is free, but hiding somewhere," Kurt said with his blue eyes gazing into the distance. "Even hiding from me! We're in the same city, but still out of reach. It's so frustrating, and it's all Valerie's fault."

"That woman's a total bitch!" Reed agreed, his face sprinkled with red angry blotches. "The way she ordered to have Shane's arm broken – she's ruthless!"

"I'm not scared of her," Kurt replied, now looking at his friend. "But Blaine is. He's totally frightened of her. Although he has run away he's still under her spell."

"The worst thing is that she's got all the back-up from Blaine's dad," Reed said grimly, knocking over his cup of coffee in his animated rant. Knowing his friend's clumsiness Kurt had brought some extra napkins and quickly moved to mop up the spilled coffee.

"Thanks," Reed said, checking the sleeves of his shirt for coffee stains. "I'm just saying that if Mr Anderson wasn't such a jerk nothing of this would have happened in the first place."

"There's no use crying over spilled milk," Kurt said with a sigh.

"Coffee," Reed corrected him.

"Whatever," Kurt shook his head. "We won't be able to change Mr Anderson, but if your mother can put him in the spotlight..."

Kurt's phone rang and he instantly reached for it, hoping it to be Blaine. His brows furrowed, however, when he saw the caller's ID.

"It's Karofsky," he informed Reed who was staring at him wide-eyed.

"Who's that?"

"Did I ever tell you about the jock in my high school who was the reason that I went to Dalton?"

"Yes," Reed said, frowning. "What does _he_ want from you?"

"Let's find out," Kurt said and took the call.

"Hello David," Kurt greeted him rather stiffly. "What's up?"

"Hey little one," Karofsky greeted him back casually. "Word on the street is that your precious prep boy escaped his golden cage and is running free in the streets of California."

"How do you know?" Kurt asked with furrowed brows.

"My cousin just called me," Karofsky informed him. "She also told me that you're sitting in some beach café right now, enjoying a mocca latte with Richie Rich."

Kurt stiffened upon hearing this and resisted the urge to look around. "How...?"

"They're watching you, Hummel," Karofsky simply said. "And they'll keep watching you until you return to Lima."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because Valerie wants me to use my friendly ties with you to find out whether or not Blaine's with you or if at least you know where he hides," Karofsky explained. "She's out of her mind. She wants to get him back before his father notices that he's missing. Of course I'm not supposed to tell you all that."

"Of course," Kurt replied, feeling utterly relieved that apparently Valerie had no clue of Blaine's whereabouts.

"So basically Val wants me to spy on you," Karofsky said. "Secretly, of course."

"Of course," Kurt repeated again.

"She also told me that in case you're going to look for Blaine, I should offer my help and even fly to L.A. on her expenses."

"Right, because skipping school to help me find my lost boyfriend, that's just the thing you'd do," Kurt retorted with a humorless laugh.

"Any reason is good enough to skip school for me," Karofsky replied nonchalantly. "Apparently I'm the only connection to you that she has."

Kurt let out another snort. "She doesn't know of course that you're reporting back to me, does she?"

"She's oblivious. It didn't even took me a lot of convincing to make her believe that I won't testify against Devon and just said that to get you to trust me," Karofsky replied. "In her world everyone's a badass, and since I'm family she doesn't expect any less from me."

"But you're still true to your word, right?" Kurt asked with a hint of doubt in his slightly raised voice.

"Yes, just like we discussed this. Once all the drama with your boyfriend is out of the way, you'll go charge Devon and I'll have your back," Karofsky confirmed. "Now, what do you want me to tell Valerie?"

"You can tell her the truth," Kurt said with a sigh. "I don't have a clue where Blaine is, either. But I won't leave L. A. until I found him."

"All right," Karfosky said. "We'll keep in touch."

Kurt closed his phone and continued sipping his coffee as if nothing bothered him.

"Aren't you going to tell me what this was all about?" Reed inquired, half lying on the table because he was dying of curiosity.

"Well, when it turned out that David is Valerie's cousin, I kind of made an arrangement with him," Kurt explained with a shrug. "He reports everything to me that he hears from Valerie, and I promised him that I'd be friends with him."

Reed's frown deepened and he looked at Kurt as if he'd gone mad. "Well, that's an odd way to make friends," he finally said. "Do you trust him?"

Kurt shook his head. "Not really, but I don't have much of a choice."

* * *

><p>"Hey, woah, where you think you're going?"<p>

Blaine stopped dead in his tracks, his hand already on the doorknob, looking back over his shoulder. Gabriel sat up in his bed, his long hair an adorable mess.

"Are you fucking sneaking out?" Gabriel sounded incredulous.

Blaine let out a sigh and dropped his backpack on the floor. Gabriel had fallen asleep after he'd cried. Lying next to his friend Blaine had made up his mind about his next step. He didn't want to be a bother to anyone, so he had decided to walk away and make it on his own for a while. He was eighteen already and his parents didn't have the power to summon him back anymore. He would try to get a job somewhere and make a living on his own, away from everyone.

"I have to leave," he explained simply.

"And you're just sneaking out on me?" Gabriel repeated, running a hand through his hair.

"I know it seems rude and ungrateful," Blaine started to say, but was interrupted by Gabriel's raised hand.

"You want to spare me the trouble that is you," Gabriel guessed correctly. "And you're afraid that if you tell me where you're going I'm going to tell Kurt."

"Well, yes," Blaine said with a shrug.

"All right, let's make a deal here," Gabriel said. "You're not going to vanish into the unknown, but let me help you get to a safe place and in return I promise not to tell Kurt anything except that you're safe."

"Okay," Blaine said drawn out.

"Also, you'll accept my money and the guitar."

"No," Blaine said. "I can't take the guitar. It was Damian's. And I don't want your money."

"You may not want it, but you're going to need it." Gabriel insisted. "And I need to get rid of that guitar and you're the only one I can trust to treat it respectfully."

"I don't know what to say," Blaine said, humbled.

A grin spread on Gabriel's face. "I'd accept a thank-you blow-job."

Blaine's face flared up and Gabriel laughed out loud. "Just kidding! God, Wildcat, you've got a long way ahead of you when this already makes you blush. Just wait to where I'll send you. You'll hate me soon enough."

"So, you already have an idea where I could go?"

Gabriel nodded with a sly grin. "Of course I have. There aren't many places a young hot gay can go, you know."

"Okay, then," Blaine said with a shy grin. "I'm at your mercy."

* * *

><p>"And <em>that's<em> the true reason why Kurt came to L. A. with us," Reed finished the short report on his friend's Blaine unfortunate situation. "What do you say, Mom?"

It seemed like Hilde Van Kamp had scarcely been listening, being distracted with something on her iPad and picking at her salad every now and then.

Kurt and Reed exchanged resigned looks over the table and slumped in disappointment, thinking that their attempt had been in vain. Lunch time had offered their only opportunity to get a grasp on the busy fashion designer and even this chance had proven wasted.

"Mom? Did you hear anything of what we just said?" Reed asked her, not hiding his annoyance with her.

Hilde put her iPad aside and folded her hands in front of her on the table.

"A runaway groom," she mused dreamily, "I've never heard of that before. It's usually the bride that runs." Hilde let out a light chuckle which earned her the immensely annoyed gaze of her son.

"Mom, he's only 18 and his dad is making him marry this woman although he's gay!" Reed pointed out again. "Do I really have to explain all that's wrong with that?"

"No, darling," Hilde replied softly. "I got it."

With a considerate look on her face Hilde leaned closer. "And now I want you to tell me _everything_ you know about Richard Anderson and this dreadful facility and about that handsome guy from last night, Gabriel was his name, right? Don't spare me any details."

She gestured towards her assistant. "Emily, take notes. This is important. We may have to act immediately or else these two are likely to run wild at one of my fashion shows again."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading! :)<strong>


	58. Runaway Groom

**Chapter 58 – Runaway Groom**

Up until now it had just been a crazy idea in his head, but now that things were getting serious, Blaine was growing anxious. He was on the verge of leaving L. A. and becoming a true runaway, leaving everything and everyone behind.

The scary part wasn't even not knowing what lay ahead and where he would end up.

The scary part was not knowing what he would come back to someday.

Would his family be completely broken? What would become of his brother without him? How would Kurt move on with his life? If Blaine returned in a few years, would there still be someone to return to?

He had no choice. Going back to his family at this point wasn't an option. He needed his parents to get their heads out of their butts first, and Valerie and Devon locked up in jail, or at least kicked out of the Anderson mansion, preferably into a dumpster. He never wanted to see them again.

Yet he couldn't help being worried about the future.

"Maybe this isn't a good idea," Blaine murmured as he leaned against the hood of Gabriel's canary yellow Corvette cabrio. "Maybe I shouldn't do this, you know, just up and away."

"I told you I don't like the idea at all, but it's not like you have too many options at the moment," Gabriel replied with a shrug, tilting his head and looking at Blaine over the rim of his shades. "You're eighteen and they don't have a legal pull on you, but if they claim you were mentally instable and needed a guardian, the cops would go looking for you. If you don't want to end up married to this horrible woman, your best chance for now is to hide away until she loses interest and finds someone else to torture."

"They claim I was suicidal," Blaine shook his head and pushed his pink framed sunglasses up his nose. "I still can't believe Val tricked me into taking those pills and made it seem like I really was. I can't believe I've been so stupid!"

"Hey, easy now, Wildcat," Gabriel gently nudged his elbow into Blaine's side. "Your parents will come around eventually. If not, it's their loss. You just need to show them that you're not going to dance to their tune."

Blaine nodded. "I'm not going to be their marionette. I don't owe them a thing," he declared firmly, but then his resolve melted. "I'm just worried about my brother."

"Footloose?" A fond grin appeared on Gabriel's face. "He'll be okay, trust me. He's going to love every single moment of your big escape. He told me he wants to be front row to see the panic in Valerie's face when she realizes her wedding plans are going to be cancelled. Your brother doesn't want you to play by anyone's rules, he wants you to be free."

"Wow," Blaine said, giving Gabriel a smile in return. "Seems like you two had a heartfelt conversation on the topic."

"It was a memorable day," Gabriel admitted with a smirk. "A family size pizza was devoured, shameful secrets were shared, a few tears were shed. It was glorious."

Blaine bowed his head and chuckled. Somehow it was hard to imagine how Gabriel would interact with people from Blaine's life. He still associated Gabriel with his confinement to the facility. "Wish I'd been there with you guys."

They resumed enjoying the sun on their exposed arms and the view of the ocean from the parking lot on the peaceful hillside where they were waiting for Blaine's life to move on.

"I'm going to miss you, Blaine," Gabriel said out of the blue, and something about the way he used Blaine's given name made the boy grow serious once again. Blaine wanted to make a joke, just something to ease the heaviness of the situation, but nothing came to mind. He hated that his life had turned into a series of goodbyes.

First he had lost Dalton which had been his real home for the past couple of years and his Warbler friends who had been like his substitute family. Then there was the betrayal from his longtime friends Valerie and Devon, and even more severe the betrayal of his own parents. He realized that he had to break away from his parents to be able to breathe again. Sadly, it wasn't that hard to turn his back on them, because he hadn't been very close to either his mom or his dad.

Saying goodbye to his brother Shane, however, proved to be a heavy burden, especially since Blaine wasn't sure when and where he would see him again.

But most painful of it all was breaking up with Kurt. He had to leave him behind, because he couldn't drag Kurt further into this and endanger him even more. Letting go of the dream about them being together was probably the hardest thing Blaine had to do.

And on top of all of that, he was about to leave the only friend he had come to trust along the way, Gabriel.

"I'm going to miss you, too," Blaine said, trying to keep his voice steady, but it wavered embarrassingly.

"There, there," Gabriel draped his arm around Blaine's shoulders and gave him a squeeze. "You'll always know where to find me and you'll always be welcome at my doorstep. We'll meet again, sweetie, I'm sure."

Blaine rested his head against the man's shoulder for a moment, seeking comfort as long as it was available. Gabriel rubbed his hand down Blaine's arm.

"You're going to talk to him, right?" Blaine asked, the concern not just in his voice or his eyes, but palpable in all his being.

"Goldie Pants?" Gabriel cocked his head at him with a reassuring smile. "I will. He'll understand."

Blaine nodded and cleared his throat, letting go of Gabriel's embrace.

"Your friend is late," Blaine remarked after a look on his watch.

"Yeah, didn't expect anything else from him," Gabriel admitted with a sigh. "He's not very reliable."

Blaine frowned. Being the dapper and always correct Dalton boy that he was, punctuality was his strongest unit. He had no sympathy for people who left others waiting. He wondered who this friend of Gabriel's was who had agreed on short notice to pick Blaine up for a ride to San Francisco.

"How do you know him?" Blaine asked. "What's his name again?"

"His name's Cameron," Gabriel provided and scratched his chin. "We know one another from years back."

"And he's been a good friend to you?" Blaine assumed.

"No," Gabriel gave a short laugh. "He's a selfish ass, but, you know, he's the only friend I know with a car and no real job and the time and willingness to drive a complete stranger to San Francisco."

"Oh, I see," Blaine muttered, suddenly considering his own willingness to drive to San Francisco with a complete stranger.

"What nickname do you have for him?" Blaine asked, because usually Gabriel's choice of nickname for someone was a very insightful hint to what kind of person it was.

"Dickhead," Gabriel answered without batting an eye. "Because the only thing he's interested in is dicks."

"Charming," Blaine noted.

"He lives in San Fran, but he comes down to L. A. every now and then," Gabriel shrugged, "you know, just cruising and fucking around. He also thinks he's the biggest dick in the jackpot." Gabriel pointed his finger at Blaine. "You've been warned."

Blaine chuckled, but Gabriel remained serious. "The only good thing about him is that he'd never turn down another gay in need."

"Well, that's something," Blaine muttered, not liking the fact that he was the gay in need in this scenario. He'd never pictured himself as the damsel in distress.

"Here he comes," Gabriel announced and straightened his spine as a blue metallic Mustang drove up the pathway of the hill and parked a few feet away.

Blaine watched curiously as a tall young man emerged from it. He had short spikey dark hair and a grin too wide for his face. His dark blue skinny jeans left not much for imagination, as did the tight _My Chemical Romance_ t-shirt he wore.

"Gabe, old man!" the young man called out and shoved his sunglasses up to rest in his hair. "Fuck, you look hot as always! I want to do you right here and now."

The guy locked Gabriel up in a tight embrace, his hands wandering south to squeeze Gabriel's butt.

"Cam, I didn't call you to feel me up." Gabriel said with a laugh and shoved him off playfully.

"You sure? You look like you need a good lay, my friend."

"Cameron, knock it off," Gabriel said with an eye roll. "This is Blaine. Blaine, meet Cameron."

Blaine held out his hand, trying to make a good impression on Gabriel's friend, but he figured right from the start that his efforts were in vain, because clearly Cameron didn't care about manners or amenities. He was more the _here I am, deal with it_ guy.

"Look at you," Cameron cooed with pursed lips, taking in Blaine's appearance in a way that made Blaine suddenly feel like he was naked. The man took Blaine's hand, but not to shake it, but to pull Blaine forward and make him bump into the guy. Cameron grinned at Blaine's blush.

"Stop your jokes, dickhead," Gabriel chided with another eye roll.

Blaine janked his hand back and was well aware of the flaming of his cheeks. He could tell instantly that he didn't like Cameron. But Blaine didn't have much of a choice, and as long as Gabriel trusted this guy to drive him through the country safely...

"Don't trust this guy, Blaine!" Gabriel warned him with a raised finger.

"What?" Blaine asked dumbfounded.

"There are three rules when you're dealing with this dickhead," Gabriel held up his hand and counted down on his fingers. "Don't tell him anything personal about yourself. Don't let him make any plans for you. And most importantly, don't share a bed with him!"

Cameron laughed heartily at that.

"Keep your hands off of him, Cam! I mean it!" Gabriel poked his finger into Cameron's chest. Then he turned to Blaine again, "Wildcat, feel free to smack him if he tries to hit on you. He's harmless, but he'll try anything to get into your pants, so you'd better watch out."

Cameron looked crushed. "G-man, is that how you talk about me?"

"It's not a secret, is it?" Gabriel arched his brows.

"Well, no," Cameron allowed. "But you make it sound like I was a sex addict."

"You are a sex addict," Gabriel shook his head and turned to Blaine once more. "Don't have any reservations to punch him if he tries something."

"If you're so worried about him, why don't you come along?" Cameron suggested. "Take a few personal days off, or why don't you just quit that horrible job of yours?"

Blaine looked up with hopeful eyes. He would love for Gabriel to come with them. For a moment Gabriel even seemed to consider it, but then he slowly shook his head. "You'll be okay without me," he said, and gave Blaine a reassuring smile.

"You're not going to start bawling now, girls, are you?" Cameron asked with raised brows.

"Fuck you, Cam," Gabriel replied, unimpressed by his friend's teasing.

Blaine put his bag and Damian's guitar into the trunk of Cameron's car and then walked up to Gabriel and gave him a tight hug. "Thanks for everything, Gabriel."

"Anytime." Gabriel returned the hug fiercely and rocked Blaine back and forth for a while before releasing him. "Good luck out there, Wildcat," he said with a final pat on Blaine's shoulder.

Cameron stepped forward with open arms. "Do I get a hug, too?"

Gabriel just laughed at him and shook his head no. "Get on the road!"

Blaine sat on the passenger seat of the blue Mustang and looked back one last time to where Gabriel was already sitting in his Corvette with the top pulled down, one hand raised in a final greeting.

* * *

><p>For a while they just drove without talking and without listening to anything else than the world pass them by. It was a beautiful Californian summer day with sea gulls squaking overhead and the sounds of the wind and the traffic filling the silence.<p>

"Bye, bye, Hollywood hills," Cameron started singing as the big HOLLYWOOD sign came into view. "I'm gonna miss you wherever I go."

"I'm gonna come back to walk these streets again," Blaine instantly joined into the song. Cameron had a good singing voice, Blaine noticed. As much as he disliked Cameron's straightforward attitude, Blaine couldn't help but appreciate a guy who wasn't abashed to start singing in front of a stranger.

Cameron seemed to think the same. "You've got a good voice," he nodded in approval. "So, what music are you into?"

"Oh, you know, the usual top 40. Also Katy Perry, Pink..."

"Geez! That's awful!"

"Yeah, my boyfriend makes fun of my taste in music, too, but then he's into Lady Gaga, so I don't see the difference," Blaine replied, still talking about Kurt as if they were an item, and in his heart they still were. It would take a while to get used to the fact that they weren't together anymore.

"Are you in a band or something?"

"I used to sing lead in my school's glee club, an a-cappella show choir."

Talking about it in the past tense saddened Blaine more than he was willing to admit. He found himself wondering what the Warblers were doing right now. Were they still waiting for him to come back? Or had they already moved on and elected a new lead singer? Of course he didn't expect them to wait for him and he knew that they would be okay without him, but it was a weird feeling to know he'd never go back there again, he'd never be a Warbler again.

"We've performed at a lot of competitions. We were pretty good actually. Maybe you've heard of us? The Warblers?"

"The Warblers? Seriously?" Cameron laughed out loud. "Who came up with that awful name?"

Blaine shrugged. "They're called like that for like, centuries. I never really read the statutes, so…"

"You gotta be kidding me, man! Show choir is so old-fashioned!" Cameron made a face indicating that he wasn't into it. "You gotta make some real music, man!"

"Like what?" Blaine inquired.

"Like, you know, using actual instruments like electric guitars and drums. That's the only way to play proper music. Not all that happy and fluffy pop shit."

"Well, I like it," Blaine stated with a shrug.

"So basically you're into singing?" Cameron asked, pushing his sunglasses up.

"Yeah, I love to sing."

"Cool, then you're in."

"In what?"

"My band. We're always looking for new additions, because our band member fluctuation is incredibly high."

"Oh... I don't know."

"Do you have better plans?"

"Not really," Blaine confessed. He had no clue what he was going to do once he arrived in San Francisco. "Do I need to audition?"

"You just need a good voice and a passion for punk rock."

"Punk rock?" Blaine repeated with raised brows.

"Yes, we're a punk rock cover band. We do it all from Nirvana over My Chemical Romance to Blink 182."

"I don't know if that's the kind of music I could get into," Blaine hesitated.

"Don't you ever feel the need to let off steam?" Cameron asked. "To just scream out your frustration?"

"What's your band called?" Blaine asked noncommittably.

"Our band name changes a lot, depends mostly on our mood and the fact that we're banned from performing in certain clubs. Mostly we just need to show up again with a different name and they don't remember the last time we fucked up in the place."

Blaine chuckled at that.

"How old are you?"

"I just turned eighteen."

"Yeah, right."

"No, really. I just had the most horrible birthday party ever! It will probably haunt me for the rest of my life."

"Why? Did your mommy burn the cake?" Cameron mocked him.

"No, my mom got drunk while my father turned the whole event into an engagement party and got me engaged to a girl to make me look straight," Blaine huffed. "Actually I'm a runaway groom in case you're wondering."

Cameron laughed at this. "So, you're really a runaway?" Cameron casually draped one arm on the open window and kept the other hand on the wheel.

"I think that falls into the category _personal stuff_." Blaine said, after realizing that he'd forgotten Gabriel's warning and said too much already.

"Right," Cameron laughed loudly. "You know, Gabriel used to be fun to hang around with, back in the days, but ever since that kid died he's gone a bit mental. It's a shame, really."

"Don't talk about him like that," Blaine got defensive. "He's been a great friend to me."

"How do you know him?" Cameron asked.

"That's personal," Blaine replied again.

"Let me guess," Cameron tapped a finger on his chin. "You met at the gay youth shelter, right? I know that he still volunteers as some kind of gay guru."

It was news to Blaine that Gabriel did social work at the shelter, but he loved the idea. He imagined it to be a much more fullfilling work than at the facility. Since Blaine didn't want to tell his driver about his own experiences with the mental facility, he just nodded and went along with it.

"That's where we met, too, you know?" Cameron went on. "I was fifteen when my dad beat the shit out of me. Social workers took me from the hospital right to the shelter."

"So sorry to hear that," Blaine was shocked.

"Don't be," Cameron shrugged. "Had a pretty good time there. For one, I met G. He was sixteen and he also got kicked out by his dad, so we had a lot in common. Also, he has an incredible talent for giving blowjobs, boy, you have no idea!" Cameron gushed. "Or perhaps you have?"

Blaine let out a puff of air. "Gabriel and I are just friends."

"Huh, I daresay you missed out on the blowjob of your lifetime, sweetheart. Because ol' Gabe not only blows your dick but also your mind!" Cameron chuckled over his own pun.

Blaine grew uncomfortable. "Can we change the subject, please?"

Cameron gave him a sideway's glance, grinning to himself. "Where will you stay in San Fran?"

"I'm not sure," Blaine admitted. "Gabriel gave me the address of a gay couple that might take me in and..."

"No, you'll stay with me and sing in my band."

"Uh," Blaine stalled.

"No excuses," Cameron lifted a hand to prevent Blaine from saying no. "My band needs a hot young bod to stir the crowd and you just happen to fit the job describtion."

"I'm not sure I like that you reduce me to my body which isn't _that_ great by the way," Blaine countered.

"You're going to the city where _everybody_ will reduce you to your body, sugar," Cameron argued.

"Isn't that supposed to be Los Angeles?"

"Yeah, well, San Fran is the gay fraction of it."

Blaine chuckled. "If that's supposed to ease my anxiety, it's not helping."

"Just stick with me and I'll give you the tour," Cameron promised.

Blaine pursed his lips and raked his hand through his curls. He wasn't sure if he was ready for the kind of tour Cameron would most certainly provide. Already he had told Cameron personal stuff about himself and let him make plans for him. Blaine intended not to break another one of Gabriel's rules for dealing with Cameron: Do not share a bed.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks to all of you that are still around reading this story! It really means a lot to me!<strong>

**Also, a big thanks to Arwen, thanks for your help, my friend! :)**


	59. Closer to the Edge

**Chapter 59 – Closer to the Edge**

Gabriel was running along the beach promenade, trying to clear his head with a good exercise, when he got the call. His phone vibrated in his back pocket, he got it out and checked the caller ID. Goldie Pants. Shit. He had expected and dreaded that call.

Gabriel stopped and arched over a bench, stretching his legs and his back, and catching his breath before answering the call.

_Well done, Wildcat, _Gabriel thought with a heavy sigh,_ running away and leaving me to pick up the broken pieces of your boyfriend and smooth out the mess you left behind._

He straightened his spine and prepared for the inevitable conversation. "Hello Goldie!"

"Hi Gabriel," the adorable high-pitched voice answered, all vibrant and eager to hear his boyfriend's voice. "Can I talk to Blaine, please?"

"I'm afraid not," Gabriel replied vaguely, pulling his hair back with his free hand and gazing over the beach.

"Why? Isn't he with you at the moment?"

"Actually he... uhm, he took off. He left L. A.," Gabriel said, hating to be the bearer of bad news. "I'm sorry."

"What do you mean, he left L. A.? Where did he go?" Kurt inquired, the instant panic audible in his voice.

"I can't tell you where he went, sweetheart. I promised him," Gabriel said in a soft voice, "but don't worry about him, he'll be fine."

"Okay, then give me his number, please, so I can call him and tell him to come back," Kurt sounded annoyed and perplexed by the news.

"I'm afraid there's no way to contact him, he doesn't have a phone on him. He wanted it this way; he wanted to vanish completely so nobody could track him down."

"And you supported him?" Kurt's voice rose in incredulity.

"Who am I to tell him what to do?" Gabriel countered. "For the past few weeks he has been stripped of his personal rights and choices and dictated how to live his life. He's eighteen, he's free to do what he thinks is best for him, and this includes not putting you in danger by telling you where he goes."

"You mean abandoning me," Kurt rephrased in a bitter tone. "Although I told him not to do this."

"It wasn't an easy decision, he didn't just get up and leave," Gabriel defended Blaine. "But he made his decision and he needs to do this in order to get his life back and free himself of any restrains, physically and emotionally."

"It's not his own decision to make," Kurt argued. "I'm his boyfriend and that should count for something. He should have consulted me about this."

"Kurt, sweetie, believe me, it wasn't easy for him to leave you," Gabriel tried to soothe the poor boy. "He still loves you very much. That's why he doesn't want you to keep looking for him. He wants you to go back enjoying your life."

"And how am I supposed to do that without him?" Kurt called out, angry and frustrated.

Gabriel understood him just too well. He gazed out over the ocean and his voice caught in his throat as he answered, "You start by breathing, Kurt. You concentrate on inhaling deeply and letting your breath out slowly. Then you take a step, no matter how small, and carry on with your life and make sure you don't look at yourself in the mirror for too long, because it's going to tear you down to see how miserable you are although years have passed and you still don't find closure..."

"Gabriel?" Kurt asked meekly. "Are you alright?"

"I... I'm sorry," Gabriel said, wiping a hand down his face and collapsing on the bench. "I just know how you feel, Kurt, being the one that's left behind without the power to do anything-"

"Listen," Kurt said, sounding a little bit more confident. "Can you meet us? Reed and I told his mother about everything, and I mean _everything_, the way Blaine was treated in the facility, about his family situation and how his father wants him to marry Valerie, and now she, that is Mrs. Van Kamp, wants to talk to you."

"To me? Why? What did I do?" Gabriel instantly worried. He remembered the tall fashionable lady; she had been rather intimidating.

"She says she has an idea and she wants to talk to you about it," Kurt explained. "She wouldn't tell us any details. So are you going to come and meet us?"

"Alright," Gabriel agreed. "But on neutral ground and you guys are gonna be around, yes? I don't want to be left alone with her. I'm not well around middle-aged women. They're scary."

"You don't mind Valerie who is a ruthless piece of shit," Kurt couldn't help but wonder. "But you're afraid of a stylish fashion designer?"

"What can I say?" Gabriel replied with a light chuckle. "My wardrobe's not the best to show off."

"I'll ask Hilde for a meeting point, best somewhere Devon and Valerie won't expect us, and I'll call you again."

Kurt hung up the phone and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, trying to remain calm, but he felt his anger bubbling up inside of him.

"What was that about?" Reed asked him as he walked beside him. They both had become claustrophobic in the hotel room and were taking a stroll down Rodeo Drive despite the fact that they were being followed by Devon who looked quite out of place in the fancy shopping street.

"Where's Blaine?" Reed inquired, his voice dropped low.

"Apparently he's run away," Kurt muttered through gritted teeth, raking his hands through his short hair and then exploded, "God, I'm so angry right now! This can't be true!"

Reed watched him with wide eyes. "Oh, my God, what did Gabriel say?"

"He said that Blaine has taken off," Kurt told him. "Gabriel won't tell me where he went. What's he thinking, leaving me in the dark like this? Shit! What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

Kurt didn't care that they were outside and people could hear him. He was so damn angry with Blaine right now.

Reed looked shocked and overwhelmed by Kurt's outburst, not knowing how to react. He fumbled with his light scarf and twisted the ends between his fingers while he tried to act for the surrounding bypassers as if Kurt's behavoir was nothing out of the ordinary.

"You want to go into the Gucci store?" Reed offered. "Going through accessories always calms me down."

"It's like Blaine doesn't even care that I'm here! Why couldn't he take me with him? I'm not some delicate flower he has to protect. I'm as badass as he is! Hell, I took on Valerie _and_ Devon just to go after him. I'm fucking brave, I do have courage! I'm not some wussy. Do I look like a wuss to you?"

"No, of course not!" Reed said quickly and started biting his nails.

Kurt let out a huff and put one arm around his middle, the other gesturing about wildly with his phone still in hand. "I'm so sick of all of this, Reed. Everybody makes decisions on their own and I _hate_ it. After all I've gone through to get here, Blaine just decides that he's better off without me! How the hell dare he?"

"It's the Anderson genes, I guess," Reed replied. "I mean, Shane's avoiding me, too, because he doesn't want to get me into trouble." Reed accompanied his words with a _screw everything_ eyeroll.

Kurt stood frozen in the middle of the shopping street, tapping his phone against his chin. He was absolutely clueless as for how to go on from here. "Fuck!" he cursed once more.

"Hola, there, _buttercup_, what a temper!"

Kurt stopped in his rant and turned to find a tall broad shouldered woman standing right behind him, chuckling to herself. "Excuse my interrupting you, boys," she said and took off her Prada shades, waving them about in an airy manner. "I'm Emylou. _Pleasure_ to meet you both, my darlings."

Kurt blinked up at her. Something was amiss. The older woman wore a red curly wig, way too much make-up and a ridiculous white feather boa that was way out of fashion.

"Hello," Kurt replied warily. Not sure yet what to make of this unexpected approach. "Can we help you?"

Reed stared up at her in silent awe – or rather shock. He elbowed Kurt, and on second glance Kurt noticed it, too. The woman was a man.

"I hope so," Emylou said, stepping closer and reaching out a hand to touch Reed's cheek. "Gosh, look how pretty you are from close up, my sweet little Van Kamp. I simply _adore_ you!"

Reed made a face and stepped slightly back. "Me? Why, I'm just a schoolboy."

"Hardly, my little honey leaf. You're an _inspiration_!" said the drag queen and waved her pink polished nails at him.

"I'm sorry, but we're in a hurry," Kurt pulled Reed away in a protective manner. For all he knew Emylou could be a crazy fan, a lunatic who was obsessed with famous kids. Why else would he sneak up on them and try to get to talk to Hilde Van Kamp's son? Instantly Kurt regretted not letting a bodyguard shadow them like Hilde had offered, but in bright daylight at one of Los Angeles' busiest shopping streets he had felt safe even with Devon trailing them.

"Wait a sec," Emylou pleaded and produced a card out of her purse. "I'm here to give you this."

She held the card out to Kurt who blinked in irritation. "For me?" he asked and glanced at the card. It read in big curvy letters: _Emylou - Drag Queen - Fashion Designer - Model Scout _

"I saw you on the runway last night, darling, and you were _fabulous_!" Emylou said to Kurt. "I was hoping to get you interested in doing another show if you're available for the next week. I have a _humble_ collection myself and I'm on tour. Tomorrow it's up to Vegas and San Francisco. I'd _love_ to have new faces present my designs and you are incredible beautiful, just what I've been looking for!"

"Me?" Kurt asked again with a doubtful arch of his eyebrow.

"Well, I suppose I have no luck to snatch Hilde's son away from her," Emylou giggled and reached out to pinch Reed's cheek. "But I thought maybe I had a chance with you. I'm sorry but I didn't catch your name, sweetie."

"I'm Kurt," he said, still wary and confused by the offer. "Thanks, but no, thanks. I'm not a professional, anyway."

"Well, you could be," Emylou said reassuringly. "You've got what it takes and everybody should start young. Well, you've got my card, Kurt. Give me a call if you change your mind. Have a fabulous day, my boys." She put her sunglasses back on and waved them goodbye before she proceeded down the street.

"Wow," Reed said, blowing a blond curl out of his eyes. "That was strange!"

"Let's go find your mom," Kurt said, not commenting on the incident with the drag queen. "Gabriel agreed to meet her and I want to find out what she's got to say to him."

* * *

><p>Cameron played all of his favorite CDs and at first Blaine couldn't help but get a headache from all of this alien music. He'd never really listened to punk rock before; he'd always been safe and happy in the top 40 and Broadway numbers. But after a whole afternoon on the road with blasting music, Blaine realized that he liked it – he liked the raw emotions, the underlining anger, the way it was sometimes more shouting than singing. But most of all he liked that this kind of music didn't remind him of anything in his past. Not of the Warblers, not of Kurt. Listening to Katy Perry or Pink would bring back too many painful memories. But this music, it was honest and wild and liberating, it was like nothing he'd ever encountered and he loved it.<p>

"So let me sum this up," Cameron said after Blaine had told him a short version of his life story despite Gabriel's warning not to reveal too much about himself.

"You're gay. Your parents suck big time and you're a freaking runaway groom. Don't worry, you've met the right guy! I know just what you need."

"And what's that?" Blaine asked, clearly unimpressed by Cameron's big talk.

"You need to get your frustration out of your system! That's why I listen to punk music, it's the best music to let out your emotions and scream. Don't let the world treat you like a victim!"

"That's what I told Kurt once, too," Blaine said, turning sad again. "The refuse to be the victim part, not the screaming. But it's not that easy. Look at me, I'm a runaway. Again I chose to run instead of facing my fears. Gabriel liked me for being a fighter, but I'm not. I'm a coward."

"You're not. It's fucking brave to turn your back on your family," Cameron told him. "It's not running away if you run towards freedom. You'd be a coward if you'd stayed and married that woman. Tell everyone who wants to stop you to go fuck themselves. Never say you're sorry! No regrets! "

Cameron reached across him and popped the glove compartment, digging around for a CD and banging it shut again. "Listen to this, you'll love it."

He skipped a few songs until a song called "Closer to the Edge" started playing.

_I don't remember one moment I tried to forget__  
><em>_I lost myself, it is better not said__  
><em>_Now I'm closer to the edge__  
><em>

The song was stirring something inside of him and Blaine was intrigued instantly.

Cameron started to sing along. He sang loud and off-key and didn't give a shit.

_It was a thousand to one and a million to two__  
><em>_Time to go down in flames and I'm taking you__  
><em>_Closer to the edge__  
><em>

Cameron hit the volume on the radio, cranking it up to drown himself out. He twisted the volume up until the speakers rattled around them. It was crazy and Blaine loved it.

_No I'm not saying I'm sorry__  
><em>_One day, maybe we'll meet again__  
><em>_No I'm not saying I'm sorry__  
><em>_One day, maybe we'll meet again__  
><em>_No, no, no, no__  
><em>

Cameron was slamming his hand on the steering wheel to emphasize every line.

Blaine let himself go and got lost in the music, too. He yelled at the top of his lungs, as they played the song over and over again until they both were hoarse and thirsty.

_Can you imagine a time when the truth ran free_

_The birth of a song, the death of a dream_

_Closer to the edge_

_This never ending story, paid for with pride and fate__  
><em>_We all fall short of glory, lost in ourself_

_No, no, no, no__  
><em>_I will never forget__  
><em>_No, no__  
><em>_I will never regret__  
><em>_No, no__  
><em>_I will live my life_

_No I'm not saying I'm sorry__  
><em>_One day, maybe we'll meet again__  
><em>_No, I'm not saying I'm sorry__  
><em>_One day, maybe we'll meet again__  
><em>_No, no, no, no_

"This is going to be my runaway theme song!" Blaine declared. He fell in love with that song, because he felt like it was written for him. He didn't mind that his parents pushed him closer to the edge, because he was ready to jump. He didn't even feel like a runaway anymore, he felt more like he was finally taking his life into his own hands. For the first time in a long time he felt free. He was giddy and excited and ready for whatever would cross his path.

But first they stopped at a gas station and got snacks and soda.

"I live for music," Camerona said enthusiastically as he filled the tank of his Mustang. "It's the best way to communicate, you know? To express yourself! To let yourself go!"

"I totally get what you're saying!" Blaine replied, sipping his soda. "Tell me about your band," he asked. He was excited about the prospect of joining a real band and he looked forward to meet the others. If they were half as crazy and enthusiastic as Cameron, he'd love to become part of their craziness.

"Well, there's Amos on the drums, Tyler playing guitar and Jesse on keyboard."

"Do you go by your real names or do you have nicknames in your band?" Blaine asked, struck by the idea of stage names. "Because I'd like to be called Wildcat!"

Cameron laughed at that. "As far as I'm concerned you can call them Ernie, Bert and Danger Mouse, and I'd be Thunderbird." Cameron stuck his tongue out and Blaine was surprised to see a tongue piercing. "Did that hurt?"

"Of course," Cameron laughed. "What do you think? Sometimes, if you want something really bad, it has to hurt to get it." He winked at Blaine and went into the shop to pay for the gas.

Wise words, Blaine mused and his mind drifted to Kurt again. Did it have to be this way? Did a great love have to hurt to become real? Blaine was prepared for more bumps in the road. Anything, as long as Kurt and he wouldn't end up like Romeo and Juliette. Blaine shook his head. What an absurd comparison.

Back on the road Cameron's phone rang and he answered it while keeping one hand on the wheel, "Hey babe, how are you? Of course I miss you, what do you think?"

Blaine looked up, surprised. He didn't mean to eavesdrop, but what was he supposed to do? Cover his ears? He was somewhat intrigued to find out that Cameron had a boyfriend. From what Gabriel had hinted, Cameron was on a fuck visit in L.A. Did his boyfriend know about that? Did they have an open relationship?

"Listen, I picked up this homeless kid and guess what, he'd be a great fit for our band. You can meet him tomorrow." Cameron listened to something his boyfriend was saying and from the tone of his voice Blaine supposed Cameron's boyfriend wasn't thrilled about him taking hitchhikers.

"Of course he's gay," Cameron said with a laugh. "Why would I care about some freaking straight kid? But don't worry, babe, he's not my type."

After he had hung up, one minute passed before Blaine couldn't hold it in any longer. "You've got a boyfriend?" he exclaimed, trying to sound casual, but failing.

Cameron gave a nonchalant shrug. "Sort of."

"Sort of?" Blaine inquired.

"Yeah, well, Jesse's really obsessed with me and claims me his own," Cameron explained. "But I'm not really the monogamous type."

"Jesse? The keyboarder of your band?" Blaine exclaimed, sounding incredulous on purpose this time. "You should tell him, but don't cheat on him!"

"I can't tell him," Cameron replied, like, _duh_! "I'd lose him if he knew I was fooling around."

"Then you do have feelings for him?" Blaine asked, somewhat relieved.

"Not really, but the sex is good," Cameron said with another shrug.

Blaine was too dumbstruck to say anything more. At this moment he hated Cameron. He also hated the fact that he was desperately in love with Kurt, but couldn't be with him, and at the same time this guy fooled around while he had a boyfriend waiting for him.

"There's a motel that I like spending the night in," Cameron said. "It's not far. I'd suggest we hit the pillows and drive on tomorrow. What do you say, Wildcat?"

"Sure," Blaine said, stifling a yawn. The sun was incredibly hot. Blaine had forgotten how hot it could be in California, especially in a car in the searing sun. He was getting tired and dizzy.

"I will never forget, I will never regret, I will live my life, I'm not saying I'm sorry," Blaine murmured the words of the song to himself and decided that it was his new mantra.

* * *

><p><strong>Songs in this chapter: <strong>

**Thirty Seconds To Mars – Closer to the Edge**

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you, Arwen, for being my luck in the shadows. ;) <strong>


	60. Dare To Hope

**Chapter 60 – Dare To Hope**

Gabriel usually wasn't intimidated by rich people. He treated everyone the same. He didn't believe in the global rule that rich people were more important than other people. He had never been one to play by the rules anyway.

But boy, he was nervous to meet Hilde Van Kamp. Not because of her status and fame. He had never even heard of her before and he wasn't into fashion anyway. But she had invited him to talk about Blaine and his treatment in the facility. Sure, she had been sweet on the phone, but he didn't know what she had in mind.

Gabriel wasn't afraid that he might lose his job when he talked badly about his employer, well, when he told the truth. He wasn't even reluctant to answer the uncomfortable questions. He just didn't like being put on the spot and perhaps even being accused of letting things happen. "Why didn't you do anything to stop them?" This was the question that he dreaded the most.

If he was honest, he might have been able to make a change. He could have gone to the media to spill the beans and point fingers. But he had been living in a cocoon of his own misery, dwelling on his grief and walking the hallways of the facility like a dead man chasing a ghost. Reliving glimpses and hunting flashes of a memory, not able to let go. Living in the past had brought him nowhere. Damian was still dead. The place that had killed him went on like nothing had happened. No one even remembered anymore.

Gabriel paced up and down in front of the apartment building where he lived, growing more and more anxious by the minute. Hilde Van Kamp said that she would send a car to fetch him. He shouldn't come with his own car in case either of them was being followed. It was for his own protection that Valerie and Devon shouldn't see him meet up with Hilde Van Kamp. The dreadful siblings had made the connection between Kurt and Reed Van Kamp by now. It was no secret that they were both Dalton boys.

While Gabriel waited to be picked up, he watched a stretch limousine turn the corner and slowly make its way down the street. This fancy ride must have lost its way, because such a beauty didn't drive around this part of the neighborhood by choice.

Gabriel wondered who sat inside. Maybe some TV celebrity checking out the poor neighborhood to get into the spirit of his or her next film project. Gabriel let out a snort. He leaned back against a lantern post and checked his watch. His own ride was late.

The black limousine stopped next to him and Gabriel pursed his lips in sneer. Apparently the driver meant to ask him for the way. Lost indeed.

The driver got out of the car. He was all clichéd and fabulous in a black suit, a black drivers hat and white gloves. But not only was his uniform impressive, he also was hot as hell. Blond short-cut hair, tall, dimpled and about Gabriel's age.

The driver came around the car and stood respectably in front of Gabriel. "Mr. O'Brien, I assume?"

"How do you know my name?" Gabriel sputtered totally flabbergasted.

"Mr. Hummel was so kind as to describe your appearance to me, sir. My name is Anton and I am here to fetch you for your dinner appointment with Mrs. Van Kamp," the driver replied in a thick German accent that was pretty hot.

"Please allow me, sir." Anton moved along and opened the door to the backseat.

Gabriel's eyes grew big when he realized that the limousine was sent for _him._ He slowly approached the car and cautiously peeked inside as if expecting a few members of the mob inside with the intention to kidnap him.

However, the car was empty, except for a big red coat and what looked like a black wig attached to a red hat with a large brim. Before he could ask, the driver provided an explanation, "Mrs. Van Kamp proposes for you to wear the coat and hat for disguising purposes, sir," Anton explained.

"Disguise?" Gabriel let out a chuckle. "I'll be visible on satellite wearing that stuff!"

Anton hid a smirk, but the humor sparkled in his blue eyes. "Where I'm to take you, you'll look less conspicuous wearing something pompous, sir."

"Now you got me," Gabriel replied with a lop-sided smile. "Where are you taking me?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you, sir," Anton said with his hand on the door handle, waiting for Gabriel to get into the car.

"Please, Anton, stop calling me sir," Gabriel insisted. "I'm Gabriel."

"If you'd be so kind," Anton motioned to the open door. "We're on a very tight schedule," Anton gave him a flirty smile and added, "sir."

"You're a man on a mission, I like that," Gabriel said with a wink and finally got inside.

It was a forty minute drive but time flew by in the blink of an eye. Gabriel and Anton talked about nothing and everything. Gabriel learned that the handsome man loved to travel the world and work any job he could get. It had been sheer luck that Mrs. Van Kamp took a fancy on him and hired him as her current driver. Gabriel loved to hear him talk, not just because of his foreign accent, but there was something in his voice, something calm and warm that soothed Gabriel. He forgot all about his worries and that he was supposed to be nervous about meeting a rich and influential woman. He prodded Anton to keep talking so he could dream away and imagine himself traveling foreign roads without a care in the world. Just to get away. Which was an alien thought to Gabriel, because he had never dared wishing to get away from his life, his guilt, his sorrow.

They arrived at a spectacular high building. A sign on the entrance said it was a high society club, one of those places you could only enter with an invitation. _Good thinking, Mrs Van Kamp_, Gabriel thought, because this meant that Devon and Val couldn't get in to spy on them.

Gabriel was just about to get out of the car without the silly coat and hat when he noticed a suspicious looking black van parking down the road. Squinting out of the back window Gabriel could make out the hard features of Devon. This was ridiculous! They weren't actors in a freaking thriller. "Damn it!" Gabriel muttered and put the hat with the black wig on and got into the coat. "This is the silliest thing I've ever done!"

"I'd also recommend these," Anton held out his sunglasses for Gabriel to take.

"Thank you," Gabriel said, and as he reached to take the glasses, their eyes met and Gabriel felt a weird fluttering in his stomach. He couldn't even think of a nickname for this guy and he had thought about it all the way over. Anton was just too worldly and stunning to belittle him with a cute name.

Gabriel found himself reluctant to step out of the car without knowing if he was to see the man again.

"So, Anton, will you take me back home when Hilde Van Kamp is finished with me?"

Anton looked at him in the rear mirror and his eyes wrinkled as he broke the dapper driver character and actually smirked at his guest. "I sure hope so."

Gabriel flipped the long black strands of fake hair behind his shoulders, closed the coat and left the car, feeling utterly ridiculous, but at the same time he couldn't stop smiling. That Anton cutie would be waiting for him and knowing that he'd see this handsome face again tonight made him giddy.

He had to compose himself, knowing he was in for a serious conversation. But flirting with strangers helped to calm your nerves. This should be recommended in guidebooks about dealing with exam stress.

"Focus," Gabriel told himself when he almost stumbled over the long coat and the big hat kept falling in his face. He approached the entrance and the doorkeeper held the door for him with a little bow. Fancy that.

Gabriel walked up to the front desk and pulled off his hat and with it the wig. He noticed his mistake only when it was done, but the concierge reacted with a reserved smile as if used to such eccentricities. Gabriel slipped the invitation card over the desk.

"Thank you," the concierge looked over the invitation. "Mrs. Van Kamp is expecting you, Mr O'Brien. If you'd be so kind as to follow me." Gabriel was shown to the elevators and the lift boy was instructed as where to take him.

When Gabriel stepped out of the elevator on the top floor, he found himself entering a saloon-like room with leather lounges and some classic music playing in the background. Small groups of fancy-looking people were enjoying themselves with idle chats and red wine. It was the upper class crowd, and Gabriel remembered why he had been nervous.

If he had known the evening would be spent in such a fancy location, he would have dressed better. But knowing that nothing in his wardrobe would impress a fashionista anyway, he'd chosen his favorite jeans and a simple white shirt.

He was led towards a secluded lounge in the far corner of the room next to a big fish tank with exotic looking colorful fish. Just as exotic and colorful was the occupant of the white leather couch. Hilde Van Kamp was a beautiful but strict looking woman. She wore a long turquoise dress with orange pumps and blazer. Gabriel walked around the fish tank to greet her, but stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed she wasn't alone.

The boys were with her.

Gabriel felt his heart drop when he saw Goldiepants and Candy sitting on the couch across from Hilde. It was one thing talking to Hilde, but he couldn't talk about what Blaine had to endure in front of the boys.

Also, he felt nervous around Kurt. The boy was staring at him as hopefully as if Gabriel had all the answers to solve this problem. He felt like he had betrayed Kurt's trust by helping Blaine escape into the unknown and leaving Kurt behind.

"Gabriel, it's good to see you again," Hilde said in a casual chatty tone, as if they were here to catch up. "Please, take a seat."

"Thanks for the invitation, Mrs. Van Kamp," Gabriel replied and sat at the far corner of the couch Hilde was settled in. Instantly Kurt and Reed scooted over on their couch to be as close to him as possible and not missing one word or the tiniest expression on his face.

"Please, call me Hilde," the fashion designer offered.

"Have you heard anything from Blaine? Is he still on the road? Where is he going?" Kurt blurted out. Both boys were on the edge of their seats. Gabriel could tell Kurt wasn't able to wait any longer to get to the essential questions and Reed was just as eager to hear the answers.

"Boys, we talked about this," Hilde tutted and raised a finger. "Gabriel, what would you like to drink?" Hilde motioned to the waitress who stood nearby.

"I'll have a Pepsi, please," Gabriel said, rubbing his hands on his jeans. He tried to look anywhere but at Kurt. It struck him again to be face to face with the boy's natural beauty. He didn't know how old Kurt was, probably sixteen or seventeen. But he already had an appearance that was striking. Give a few more years for him to hit puberty and he would be a stunning young man.

Reed was good-looking, too, but more of a cutie. He was even more effeminate than Kurt, but in a playful and pretty way. With his strawberry blond curls and big curious eyes that seemed to be stuck in a constant awe he looked even younger than he probably was.

Kurt on the other hand looked way too serious and tense for his age. Gabriel understood that the boy had a lot at stake. Grief and sorrow took its toll on a person no matter what age. Gabriel felt very heavy hearted around Kurt because just looking at the boy and seeing his misery struck too close home. Gabriel didn't want to be the person to add another disappointment on this boy's plate.

Then again, hope could be even more dangerous than disappointment. Gabriel decided to stick to the truth.

"I haven't heard from Blaine," Gabriel answered and saw Kurt shrink in his seat. It wasn't the answer he'd hoped for. "I told you, he's got no phone with him. He doesn't want to be reached by anyone."

"Gabriel," Hilde addressed him and sat up straighter. "I have invited you, because I would like to talk about your work."

"How wonderful," Gabriel replied and couldn't stop himself from letting out a sarcastic snort. "I just love talking about my job."

"I understand you're an orderly at a mental treatment centre here in Los Angeles," Hilde continued, choosing to ignore his sarcasm. "Reed and Kurt told me some rather troubling details about Blaine's stay in that treatment centre and I'd like to hear some facts from someone involved."

"What do you want to know?" Gabriel asked cautiously.

"I need to know who's in charge and what kind of treatments are there? Tell me about the illegal ones," Hilde said all business-like. "How much of it is authorized by legal guardians?"

"Well, the fun thing is, you just need to call it an experimental treatment and get the permission from a parent or legal guardian and you can do practically anything," Gabriel said, running a hand through his hair. "Dr. Nolan has a reputation for controversial experiments and risky procedures. Nobody cares as long as the result pleases."

"If I contact the doctors in charge will they tell me about the treatments they offer or will they sugarcoat the truth?"

"That's a lot of information you seek," Gabriel said, growing uncomfortable. "What's your plan?"

"Actually, I want to make an appointment for Reed," Hilde stated.

Her son's head jerked around to stare at her incredulously. "You want to do _what?"_ Reed inquired in a high-pitched voice.

"I'm going to get you checked in, Reed," Hilde said. "To have you treated for your gayness."

"But I thought you _liked_ that I'm gay," Reed stuttered, perplex.

"Calm down, honey," Hilde held up her hands in a soothing gesture. "You'll just act as bait, of course."

"WHAT?" Reed exclaimed and jumped to his feet, clutching a couch pillow in front of his chest as if trying to protect himself with it. "You can't do that! I don't want to be bait!"

"Honey, it'll just be proforma," Hilde assured him. "I won't have you admitted. I just need to convince the people in charge that I'm thinking about having you treated and I'll have them explain their methods to me and then I'll have them arrested."

"You make it sound that easy," Gabriel was stunned by the idea and by how determined Hilde Van Kamp sounded.

"I'm going to bring that facility down. Are you in, Gabriel? You might lose your job along the way and considering how far we have to take it, you might have to speak in a trial. But in the end I think it's worth it if we can prevent just one more kid to be stuck in there."

"If you're really willing to fight this fight, then I'll do what I can to help," Gabriel agreed. "But I think you should be prepared for a bumpy ride."

"Oh, my God, Mom, this is huge!" Reed exclaimed, struck by the bold and life-changing choice of his mother to take on such a battle.

"Thank you, sweetheart," Hilde said with a smile. She seemed very calm and collected which was a good sign. It meant she was focused on her goal and was determined to do it. Reed knew that his mother would never talk about something if she wasn't willing to complete it.

"Yes, that's really a great idea, Mrs Van Kamp," Kurt praised, but he sounded restrained. "I think this place needs to be shut down and if we can play a part in doing so, that's amazing," Kurt drew a deep breath. "There's just one thing that I need to ask."

"Go ahead," Hilde said with her hands folded in her lap.

"How is any of this helping Blaine?"

Reed nodded to Kurt's words. "Yes, what exactly are we going to do to help Blaine?"

"This is about the big picture," Hilde explained. "I want to help kids like Blaine and prevent so-called doctors from making money out of the vulnerable situation these kids are in. As for Blaine, I intend to contact his father and talk to him. I'm sure the man doesn't want his son to be homeless, on the streets. Maybe it helps if another parent talks to him."

"Sometimes one needs to do more than talk," Kurt disagreed. "Talking to his parents isn't helping, that's why Blaine ran away. He couldn't take it anymore. Besides, it's not just his parents. We told you they're under the influence of Valerie and Devon McVaughn."

"I remember what you told me yesterday," Hilde assured him. "You can return to Ohio and focus on school while I'll figure out how to help your friend."

"You want me to go back?" Kurt asked incredulously. "But we haven't done a thing to help Blaine yet."

"There's nothing you can do, my dear boy," Hilde said. "Leave it to the adults. I will talk to Blaine's parents and inform you of the outcome. In the meantime, Reed and you have school to catch up on. I scheduled your flight back to Ohio for tomorrow afternoon."

Kurt and Reed exchanged a look. Kurt could tell that his friend was as unsatisfied about being sent back as he was. It felt as if they had accomplished nothing during their trip to L. A.

Kurt was angry. He couldn't believe that this was supposed to be Hilde's plan. Yes, Kurt admired Hilde's ambition. It was very brave and solitary of her to want to try and bring that facility down, but how was that supposed to help Blaine in his current situation. Kurt also doubted that talking to Mr. Anderson would have any effect on the man's point of view. So far, Mr. Anderson had proven to prefer not to be involved in anything concerning his sons. That's why he had Valerie and Devon to take care of things. Why would Mr. Anderson be impressed to be reprimanded by a rich eccentric woman?

But he was most disappointed by the fact that Hilde intended to send him back home, while she herself went on a mission to destroy the facility and tackle Blaine's father. Kurt wouldn't let himself be put out of the picture. One thing was sure, he wasn't going back to Ohio just yet. He was just a teenage boy, but he wasn't helpless. He had enough fury to keep him going and he was determined to take on every obstacle. If Blaine could run away, so could Kurt.

He would go after Blaine, now more determined than ever. And to do so, he needed to interrogate Gabriel carefully on Blaine's whereabouts. He sat quietly and listened to Hilde and Gabriel talk strategy while waiting for his turn.

"Can I talk to you, Gabriel?" Kurt asked him calmly when Hilde had gone off to the lady's restrooms. "Maybe on the roof terrace? I need to catch some air." He signed for Reed to stay and distract his mother when she came back.

Kurt led the way to the elevator and Gabriel went along. The roof terrace was crowded with people enjoying the night air.

"All these Richie Richs in one spot," Gabriel murmured and dug his hands into his jeans pockets. "It kind of gives me the chills."

"It takes a while to get used to this kind of crowd," Kurt agreed. He had noticed how hushed Gabriel had been while Hilde Van Kamp had talked to him. He didn't think that Gabriel was a shy guy by nature, but being fetched by a stretch limousine, being given designer clothes and an invitation to a VIP members only club house must have awed him.

"What baffles me the most is that these people are used to one hundred dollar wine bottles and five hundred dollar shoes, you know what I mean?" Gabriel said. "Like, I don't think I'd ever get used to that kind of extravagance."

Kurt could relate. Hilde and Reed might be used to glamour and luxury, but both Kurt and Gabriel weren't. It made Kurt feel connected to Gabriel in a way.

They found a space at the far end where they stood at the railing and shared a glance over the city. The view over Los Angeles was impressive, but Kurt didn't take any of it in. He was focused on Gabriel.

"I'm pretty mad at you for what you did," Kurt told him without preamble and gazed at him sternly. "How could you let Blaine go off on his own? He acts bravely, but he wouldn't know what to do and where to go."

"He's just as strong-headed as you are, it seems," Gabriel said with a sigh. "I couldn't change his mind and God knows I've tried."

"Did he rent a car? Did you put him on a plane? Or did you just send him out into the unknown?"

Gabriel gave him a sideways glance, knowing what Kurt was up to. "I'm not going to tell you where he went."

"So he _does_ have a destination?" Kurt dug deeper.

"Look, he needs to do this, Kurt. He needs to regain control of his own life, even if it's by running away."

"That's not much of a comfort," Kurt huffed. "Give me _something,_ please. I'm on my way home tomorrow. At least give me a city so I know where he is."

"The less you know-" Gabriel started.

"Oh, don't give me that crap!" with a huff Kurt turned as if to head back inside.

"He's on a famous road right now," Gabriel said.

Kurt stopped in his tracks and twirled back around, the wheels in his head clicking. Famous roads in California? "Route 66? No, it has to be the Highway Number One?"

"The very one," Gabriel said, pleased with Kurt's quick thinking.

"So he's on his way north," Kurt tapped his lips with a quizzical expression. "What's up there? Santa Cruz, Monterey, San Francisco, Seattle." Kurt's eyes widened. "He's going to San Francisco, isn't he?"

"Why would you think that?" Gabriel asked with a poker face.

Kurt's enthusiasm faded as quickly as it arose. "Well, _I'd_ go there, because I know that Rachel's dads love the city and it's very gay friendly and if I was in Blaine's situation I'd definitely go where I as a gay person was welcome."

Gabriel gave a shrug and a non-committal smirk. "Wherever he ends up, there's no better way to travel than cruising on the highway number one, because he'll have guaranteed sunshine on his face."

Kurt quirked his eyebrow. "That would only be a comfort if you love getting all sweaty and have your shirt stick on your back. Blaine's not like that. I can already hear him complain all the way."

* * *

><p>"Gosh, this heat is unbearable," Blaine complained, his brow beaded with sweat. "How come your car doesn't have air conditioner?"<p>

"It does, it's just not working," Cameron replied and made a grand gesture towards the sky. "Enjoy the sunshine."

The first few hours on the road, Blaine had relished the warmth of the sun on his face and the cries of gulls overhead. Now he wished the car had a roof. He also wished he'd packed sun screen. He was positive that he'd have a sunburn on his face and arms by the time they finally arrived.

At the first rest stop, a gas station, Blaine bought a baseball cap and squeezed his curly hair beneath it.

"Gabriel gave you money, right?" Cameron asked him back in the car.

"Yes," Blaine replied warily.

"How much?"

"Enough."

"Show me."

"No," Blaine scrunched up his face at this brazen request.

"Well, you're going to have to pay for the trip, you know? Nothing in life is free."

"Gabriel already gave you money," Blaine protested.

"Yeah, but that's for gas. We also need food and a motel, and a tip for me bringing you along. I'm not nice by nature like Gabriel."

"I've noticed," Blaine grumbled, annoyed by Cameron's impertinent demands."You're really a lousy excuse for a friend. Does Gabriel know you're milking his helpless protégés?" Blaine gave a snort.

"For one, you don't really strike me as helpless," Cameron gave him a smirk. "Second, how is Gabe to find out? It's not like you have a phone to tell him. Besides, if you'd like to get _milked_ that can be arranged anytime anywhere."

"That's too generous, but I'm not interested," was all Blaine replied. If this was Cameron's attempt at flirting, he failed resoundingly. For emphasis Blaine added, "I have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, so you said, but where is he?" Cameron snickered, unimpressed. "I don't see him running away with you."

"Unlike you, I don't fool around the moment my boyfriend's out of sight," Blaine snapped. He knew it was none of his business, but the fact that Cameron cheated on his boyfriend like it was no big deal angered Blaine as if it was a personal offense. He already felt bad about meeting the band if it meant meeting the poor guy that Cameron was cheating on. He even contemplated whether or not he was bound to tell Jesse that his boyfriend was fooling around.

"Can't be that much of a great love if you don't even care to call him," Cameron shrugged.

"I have no phone," Blaine shot back, growing more and more annoyed. Who was Cameron to talk about love?

"I've got one," Cameron said. "I'd happily lend it to you for a booty call. Also, each gas station has a pay phone. Plenty of possibilities if you really wanted to contact your lover."

"It's complicated," Blaine said with a smaller voice. Cameron was right, of course. There would be a way to talk to Kurt if he wanted to. And he so wanted to hear Kurt's voice. But he also knew that it would make him miss Kurt even more and it would be too hurtful for both of them.

"Is it?" Cameron asked, doubtfully. "Looks to me as if you're running from him, too. Or maybe he doesn't exist. Maybe you're making him up to fend off unwanted advances."

"Yeah, maybe," Blaine replied with a snort and turned his head away. He didn't mind at all when Cameron cranked up the volume to some angry punk rock song. Blaine drew his cap into his face and leaned against the window to let the guitar riff of some band he didn't know overtake his body and his mind.

* * *

><p>They could have made the trip in one day, but apparently Cameron was in no hurry and enjoyed taking in the sights along the way. When it got dark, he stopped at a motel to share a room.<p>

It was okay for Blaine. He was in no hurry to get to San Francisco either. He didn't even know where he'd end up. Cameron had offered him a place, but Blaine wasn't sure yet whether or not he would accept the offer. Cameron was too inscrutable a character.

Entering the room, Blaine put his little bag and the guitar on the armchair in the corner and noticed with relief that there were two beds in the room. He headed for the bathroom to take a shower, but Cameron held him back.

"Let's shower _afterwards_," Cameron said teasingly, holding on to both of Blaine's arms. "I like the taste of sweat on a man's skin."

"What?" Blaine froze on the spot in bafflement.

"Are you a top or a bottom?" Cameron asked in what he apparently thought was an enticing voice. "I prefer topping, but I'm okay giving head as well."

If Cameron tried to shock Blaine with his bluntness and dirty mouth, he succeeded, but Blaine wasn't going to let it show on his face. Instead Blaine gave him a dirty look and jerked away from the man's touch.

"What? No sex?" Cameron asked, disappointed.

"I told you I have a boyfriend! And just to be clear, I love him and I miss him"

"Yeah, right, this mysterious boyfriend whom you never call." Cameron chuckled. "Where I come from, saying you miss your boyfriend means you miss some hot action which I am happy to provide you with."

Blaine tried to think of a comeback, but Cameron had him stunned. So he just shook his head and grabbed his stuff. "I should go," Blaine went for the door.

"Wait! There's no need to run, okay?" Cameron changed his whole demeanor, knowing he'd gone too far. "I won't touch you if you don't want me to. I'm just not used to rejection. But seeing how you're friends with that monk Gabriel I should have guessed better."

"If you think any snide remarks about Gabriel will make me like you, you couldn't be more wrong," Blaine shot at him.

"All right, I'm sorry," Cameron sat down on the mattress of one of the two beds. "I may like sex, but I'm no rapist, so relax. It's a shame, though. Anyone ever told you how freaking _hot_ you are?"

Blaine rolled his eyes, but he dropped his bag again. "I still don't get how Gabriel can be friends with _you."_

"He used to be just like me," Cameron shrugged. "Before tragedy struck."

"Look, I'm grateful that you're taking me along and that you've offered me an opportunity to join your band or whatever," Blaine said, feeling that it was about time to establish some rules. "But I'm not up for sexual advances or trash talk."

"Got it," Cameron said, and apparently felt like it was his turn to roll his eyes. "You're not up for fun."

"I'm afraid our definitions of _fun_ go wide astray," Blaine replied, and couldn't help grinning. It was too weird a sight of Cameron pouting on the bed. Yes, he was actually pouting. "If you don't mind I'd like to take a shower now. Alone."

Cameron let out a sigh of defeat. "All right. I'll go and get us something to eat. You do eat junk food, right? Or is that off the list, too."

"Foodwise, I'm fine with whatever," Blaine said, relaxed, but quickly added, "however I'm allergic to nuts."

"I noticed," Cameron winked at him, grabbed the key and left.

* * *

><p>After the soothing shower – Blaine couldn't help but still enjoy showers as if they were a heavenly luxury - Blaine had tended to his sunburns on his arms and face, feeling stupidly unprepared for a life on the run if he couldn't even avoid getting sunburned. The cooling effects of the aloe he had bought at another gas station was worth the investment.<p>

When he returned to the bedroom dressed in yoga pants and a simple T-shirt, he found Cameron lounging on the couch with the small TV set turned on. The man tossed Blaine a bottle of coke and pressed his own ice-cold bottle against his forehead. "Relax," Cameron said, noticing how Blaine gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed, clearly not wanting to settle down on the free spot on couch next to the man. "I already cooled down. I'm sorry, man. I jump everyone who has a handsome face and a hot ass. Lunch time."

Cameron pointed to the paper bag on the night stand. Blaine was somewhat amazed that Cameron had waited to eat with him. Blaine inspected the contents of the bag and his mouth filled with saliva at the rich smell of burger and french fries. He gave Cameron his share and watched with wide eyes as Cameron wolfed down his burger within seconds. Blaine himself ate slow and considerate, cherishing each bite to make the meal linger.

Cameron tossed the paper wrap in the basket and went to take a shower.

By himself again, Blaine turned off the TV and grabbed the guitar. The only way to soothe him was the weight of a guitar and a melody in his head. He sat on his bed, his back leaning against the headboard with the pillow for support. He quietly sang to himself in an attempt to comfort himself.

"Now this is not the time or the place  
>For a broken-hearted<br>'Cause this is the end of the rainbow  
>Where no one can be too sad"<p>

This was how Cameron found him, lazily plucking on Gabriel's guitar and humming a tune.

"So you're a musician after all," he remarked, pleased. "Someone who prefers to fill the silence with his own thoughts rather than the stupidity that the television provides."

Blaine just shrugged in response.

"Sing something," Cameron encouraged him and held up his smartphone. "I want to record it and send it to my band mates, so they can hear your voice and look forward to you joining our band."

"I haven't agreed yet," Blaine said, but he hugged his guitar more closely. Anything to put a barrier between Cameron and himself. "So when we left L. A. and you sang a line from that Hollywood Hills song it kind of got stuck in my head. So I want to give it a try."

He stroked the guitar again, this time with more determination.

"No, I don't wanna leave  
>But I must keep moving ahead<br>'Cause my life belongs to the other side  
>Behind the great ocean's waves<p>

I take part of you with me now  
>And you won't get it back<br>And a part of me will stay here,  
>You can keep it forever, dear"<p>

For a brief moment his hand trembled and he had to take a shuddering breath. The song was more meaningful than he had thought, it wasn't just about leaving a city, it was about leaving a stage in one's life behind, and a vision of Kurt's face appeared before his inner eye wearing that wide smile that was only meant for Blaine, and he continued to play more forceful as he dove into the chorus,

"Bye bye, Hollywood Hills  
>I'm gonna miss you, wherever I go<br>I'm gonna come back to walk these streets again  
>Remember that we had fun together<p>

Long distance love doesn't work  
>All the miles in between get in your head<br>No, I don't wanna go  
>I don't wanna go!<p>

Bye bye, Hollywood Hills  
>I'm gonna miss you, wherever I go<br>I'm gonna come back to walk these streets again  
>Bye bye..."<p>

"Wow, you're good," Cameron said, sounding truly astonished. "Really good. You don't mind me sending it to my friends, do you?"

"Pass it on to Gabriel while you're at it," Blaine said, following a sudden idea. "He might appreciate me putting the guitar to good use."

* * *

><p>Blaine lay awake all night long. He lay on his back, staring at the shadows on the ceiling cast by the streetlamp outside and the headlights of arriving cars. He was restless for several reasons. The strange sounds and smell of the motel, the fact that he shared a room with a stranger whom he had just met.<p>

He occupied his mind with a fantasy. He imagined taking Cameron's phone and calling Kurt. He would make the call outside, pacing the parking lot and staring up at the starlit night sky. He prepared what he would say to Kurt and what Kurt would answer. He played the conversation over and over in his head, filling it with words Kurt had said to him the last time they'd met. Soon his fantasy was replaced by memories of the brutal way Valerie and Devon had caught them at the fashion show and how Devon had held Kurt captive.

Blaine never borrowed Cameron's phone. It was too painful. Another reason not to call Kurt was that Blaine was sure the moment he'd hear Kurt's voice he would start crying and be unable to stop. Just thinking about everything made Blaine feel like crying and he would have if it wasn't for the fact that there was a stranger snoring next to him. Yes, Cameron snored. Yet another reason why Blaine wouldn't find sleep. It reminded him of his brother, who was also a vivid snorer.

Blaine missed his brother. He missed his own bed. He missed living at Dalton. He missed talking to his friends. It felt like he was cut off from the world that he had known. He was a true runaway now and the realization struck him hard.

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><p>Hilde Van Kamp didn't waste any time.<p>

On Sunday morning she collected her son to drive to the facility where Blaine had spent the past couple of months. As this was their last day in Los Angeles, Hilde wanted to make good use of it and check out the so-called treatment center, using Reed as bait for the crazy doctor.

Left to his own devices, Kurt also decided not to waste any more time.

As soon as Hilde and Reed were on their way, Kurt packed his few belongings and left the hotel. Knowing that he was most likely followed by either Devon or Valerie, Kurt hailed a cab and drove around town aimlessly to shake any followers off. He had thought about his run-off all night long and he knew that he couldn't drive through the country on his own. He would soon run out of money. But he still had an offer for a work and travel "arrangement".

Sitting in the back of that cab, Kurt twirled the calling card of that transvestite lady in his fingers. After just a moment's hesitation, he got his phone out and called her.

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><p><strong>Songs in this chapter:<strong>

**Sunrise Avenue – Hollywood Hills :)**

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><p><strong>Thank you and a big hug to you, <em>MysticNight36,<em> for doing a great job editing this chapter. :D**

**Thank you, _Cloveteach,_ for giving me the kick to get writing again. **

**Thank you to everyone who is still hanging on to this story. I can't promise regular updates, but I won't abandon this story completely. Please bear with me.**


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